Oh boy, so get this. I was an elite Navy SEAL (NBD) but I was going to a buddies wedding and I was like “women amirite?” and jumped off a bridge. Naturally, I was seriously injured in this ludicrous stunt and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Navy Seals?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We’ve got four missions in the film. Describe the first. Hint, this is the one that interrupts President Palmer’s wedding.
2) Alright, what does Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) see during that mission which makes everyone just a tad bit suspicious and angry?
3) Alright, time for a second mission. What is the purpose of this mission? Hint, things don’t go so well on this one as it is a trick.
4) The love interest for Curran (Michael Biehn) is a reporter. Why is she important to the overall storyline, and ultimately for the third mission of the film.
5) Time for a final mission. Where are they going and how do they get there?
1) So we are shown that during what appears to be a rescue mission of a burning oil tanker (or something) a U.S. military helicopter is shot down by some terrorists who kidnap the pilots. The Navy SEALs are being sent in to rescue the pilots and take out any baddies that get in their way.
2) Well, first of all they are all furious because the location was supposed to be a relatively quiet industrial complex according to their intelligence, but it is instead crawling with terrorists. Second, they find Stinger missiles, which is quite bad for U.S. national security. And finally, because of the rescue mission they weren’t able to take out the missiles, so the terrorists still got them!
3) So those idiots in intelligence think they know where the Stingers are, they are on a merchant ship. Easy peasy. Well, not so much, it’s a trap! A terrible trap though because the SEALs easily dispatch all the terrorists hiding among the migrants aboard the ship. The issue is there aren’t any Stingers, they’s been duped.
4) So they realize that they need info on where the missiles might be. The journalist has lots of connections in the region because she is from there originally, and helps them to determine a primo target who would know exactly the information they need. So initially the plan is to kidnap this person and … convince them to give up the goods. Well, that ain’t flying and the plan is shut down. At least it was. Then they realize that the target is actually already an informant for the U.S. military. So they decide to “kidnap” him and just ask him nicely (with money) for the info.
5) They are heading into Lebanon itself where the missiles are being help in a decrepit wartorn area of, presumably, Beirut. They get there on a submarine which is cool.
Bonus Answer: Hawkins was such a goddamned rebel he was pushed into a role training Navy survival training on a remote atoll in the Pacific. Well guess what? They need someone with some real Navy SEAL balls for this next mission. It’s a mission to save, you guessed it, Curran from a Siberian prison where he’s been kept for the last three months hiding information vital to U.S. national security. The mission is … impossible. He’ll have to do a HALO jump from the edge of space. Once on the ground in Russia, he’ll have to scale a sheer cliff face to reach a set of motorcycles. With his team of SEALs they’ll travel far into the interior of Russia, and fully clear the fence of the prison with a rad Super Air jump. They then have to break Curran out, committing as many unnecessary casualties as possible (ideally), and then zip to the nearby military airport. He’ll then free hand scale the airport flight control tower, take out the guards, and then, as Curran and the others board the airplane, drive his new prototype Audi up to the already moving plane. With one final 10 foot broad jump he’ll grab hold of the plane, hanging with just his hands until they clear Russian airspace. “Goddamn, Hawkins. You’re a maniac. You’re going to get yourself killed one of these days!” Curran says … and smiles, they bro hug, hard. The End.
You better belieb the sequel is actually a spin off series Mission: Impossible: Navy SEALs 2: Siberia. Charlie Sheen does none of his own stunts.