Jamie
Hi there, it’s me, Franchise Guy. As you know, I love franchises, but it’s also important for you to know that it’s not just some franchises. It’s all franchises. Even your relatively minor franchises like the Of the Titans series. So don’t think for a second that I wasn’t devastated to learn that there was a canceled sequel to this film called Revenge of the Titans. If there’s one thing a Franchise Guy can’t abide, it’s the loss of an entry. They made Angel has Fallen for goodness sake! You can at least make it a trilogy. So I beg of you, get back in that kitchen and cook us up some revenge. Take a page out of Mechanic Ressurection’s book and start it off in Rio, babbby! Some fun in the sun for our boy Perseus. That is until Zues comes a knocking for one last job. It’s writing itself.
To Recap, Perseus is back, Jack! And boy does he just want to be boring. He’s got a son, his wife has died, and he just wants a nice, quiet… Gah! What are all these monstarrrsssss, noooooo!!!! Maybe he should have listened to his daddio Zues when he asked for his help, cause now Hades and Ares are draining his power in order to unleash Kronos (and monsters) into the world. Dang it! He’s told by a dying Poseidon to take his trident and team up with his demigod son Agenor and Andromeda (hottest lady in the land, remember) to find Hephaestus. You see, H-man is a fallen god who also can make a super rad ultimate weapon that’s definitely real called the Spear of Trium. After dispatching some cyclopses, H-man is perfectly happy to take them to the labyrinth he designed to hold Kronos. Unfortunately, he also has to sacrifice himself to save everyone from an eeeevil Ares. Once in the labyrinth a bunch of lame stuff happens. Like there’s a minotaur, but it’s lame. When they get to Zues they save him, but Kronos still gets free. Perseus has to challenge Ares to a duel so he can build the Spear of Trium to kill Kronos. Meanwhile like a million people die and Hades and Zues become best buds again. Finally, Perseus defeats Ares, builds the spear, and totally kills Kronos. Zues dies, Perseus smooches Andromeda (hard), and they become god kings probably. THE END.
This one stings for Franchise Guy (did I mention Franchise Guy speaks in the third person?). I unironically enjoyed watching Clash of the Titans. Given that they could borrow heavily from the classic tale of Perseus, it was just a very sound plot. This time around they had to crack their knuckles and… find a bunch of random stuff to borrow from? It mostly feels just like that. A bunch of random stuff. Cyclopses are easily dispatches, a minotaur shows up in the labyrinth for like a millisecond before being thrown away, etc. Then there is the truly bizarre. They invent a MacGuffin, which I appreciate, but really? There weren’t enough MacGuffins for you to work with already? Hades has a redemption story… literally the God of the Underworld is hugging it out with his best bro Zues. It’s wild stuff. It also somehow looked worse than the first one, which is a trend in films. The DC films never really got back to the level of Man of Steel. It’s like a basketball team where the money stays the same, but the superstars get paid more and the role players (CGI) suffer. But you need those role players to make it work. Sigh.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I’d like to ask Perseus a few questions about what exactly happened to his allegedly immortal wife Io. My previous hot take was that Perseus 1000% gets with Andromeda after the first film and oh ho ho by sheer coincidence this immortal lady is suddenly dead and Perseus has to share a daring quest with Andromeda? Sure, sure, sure Perseus. Just a coincidence I bet. Wouldn’t have anything to do with that magical sword you have conveniently buried under your house. And, oh, after years of claiming you just want to be a quiet fisherman and telling your son to deny his immortal ancestors, you suddenly are all like “let’s rule with an iron fist” and “this is your new mom, Andromeda?” Take him away, boys. Perseus? More like Worst-eus. Hot Take Temperature: Hades.
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Wrath of the Titans? More like Say Whaaaa of the Titans? I mean … I’m so tired guys, I just watched two CGI monster movies in a row. Let’s go!
Decidedly worse than the first … I think that about does it. Cheerios!
Fine. This time Sam Worthington seems to have been told that it is fine if he just speaks in his native Australian accent? Wild decision.
Rosamund Pike was good in the film though, I did like the decision to make her the strong leader of the resistance against … (wracks brain) … Ares? I think that’s right. Ares and … Kronos. Phew, I made it there.
The CGI looks like crap though. Maybe because there were many more moments of them just appearing in a place and then getting attacked suddenly by CGI monsters. In the first there was a bit of a “let’s put together a band and go get Medusa’s head” element. Here I honestly cannot remember what precisely they were looking for. I’ll have to look up the wiki page later for the details.
I do like how they twisted things up. The clear downfall of the Gods. All of them effectively die by the end of the film. It is clear that the age of the Greek god ruling is over. Makes you wonder what the third one would have even been about.
But no wonder this was the last. A decidedly ugly, dour film compared to a surprisingly entertaining and light first film. I guess what do you expect when you have to kill off the main character’s wife and make him a saddo to make any of the motivations make sense.
Oh I remember, I bet the third would have been about his quarter (half? Was Io officially a god?) god son and their relationship with the now powerless Hades (the last of the big four Gods we’ve seen).
Setting as a Character (Where?) again for Greece. Period Piece (When?) for Ancient Greece. I think this is a true blue MacGuffin (Why?) for the Spear of Trium which I guess kills Kronos and not much else? Closest to Bad I think, too boring.
Read about the documentary I made about Perseus’ fighting career in the Quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 