Jamie and Patrick look over the bustling BMF HQ. With the help of Scott Bakula’s international name recognition they’re back and better than ever. Kyle comes up and hands them the latest article for the site: Yes We Manne-Can, The Best Mannequin Films of 2015-2025. It’s brilliant. “I’m just glad I can help out, considering that it was not long ago that I was running BMT and you were trying to figure out how to be good.” Jamie and Patrick laugh a little. “And to think,” Jamie says softly with a smirk, “it was here all along. Family is good.” They triple bro hug. Everything has been coming up Jamie and Patrick since they kicked Kevin James’ head clean off. “Patrick?” Jamie says thoughtfully, “do you ever wish we hadn’t kicked Kevin James’ head clean off?” You can see Patrick turn the question over in his head. A moment of clarity crosses his face as it finally dawns on him exactly what they did that fateful day. He opens his mouth, struggling to express the myriad of emotions he is feeling, “No. No I don’t.” Kyle and Jamie exhale in relief. They triple bro hug again and the whole company erupts in cheers at the beautiful expression of family love, which represents the majesty of Bad Movie Family. They cheers with cans of Bud Light. As Patrick takes a deep draught he is left with a glowing green beer-stache. “Woah, what’s that?” Kyle says and grabs at Patrick’s can. It’s filled with a thick green liquid. “Oh, yeah, it’s just a little thing I invented. I call it Ooze.” Kyle takes a drink and his eyes go wide. “It’s like Mountain Dew flavored Bud Light. It’s… amazing. What’s the secret?” Patrick eyes Jamie. Is he thinking what he’s thinking? That’s right! We are getting a blast from the past with the original Justice League, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Both The Secret of the Ooze and Turtles in Time qualify, but you better believe I’ll also be watching the original. TMNT4Life! Let’s go!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) – BMeTric: 67.7; Notability: 46
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 9.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.6%; Higher BMeT: Super Mario Bros., RoboCop 3, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Look Who’s Talking Now; Higher Notability: Last Action Hero, Hocus Pocus, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, The Meteor Man, Coneheads, RoboCop 3, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, Rising Sun, The Three Musketeers, Life with Mikey, Son of the Pink Panther, Loaded Weapon 1, Super Mario Bros., Indecent Proposal, Once Upon a Forest, Made in America, Look Who’s Talking Now, Sliver, Josh and S.A.M., Dennis the Menace, and 4 more; Lower RT: Look Who’s Talking Now, Deadfall, Warlock: The Armageddon, Golden Gate, Son of the Pink Panther, RoboCop 3, Mr. Nanny, Hexed, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Ghost in the Machine, Best of the Best II, Father Hood, Carnosaur, Surf Ninjas, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, My Boyfriend’s Back, Only the Strong, Cop & ½, Sliver, Gunmen, and 10 more; Notes: In my child brain from 1993 I always had the impression that this was like … not released to theaters. But really, I was just too young at the time to go to theaters. Incredibly this played 56 times on television. Last Action Hero: 110. Hocus Pocus: 60. Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit: 38. Given that Hocus Pocus was on constantly (albeit once a year mostly) this must have been huuuuuge.
Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – The guys bolt the sewer for feudal Japan to help rebel villagers conquer an evil lord. Seven Samurai it ain’t (nor Russ Meyer’s The Seven Minutes either), but those who still care will find a more mellowed-out Turtles saga, complete with lecture by Raphael on the dangers of violence. Like totally Woodstock, dude!
(The ending line is something else. I do find it interesting that Ebert gave the prior installment 1 star, and Maltin gave that one 1.5 as well. So he genuinely seems to find the third to be better than the second, counter to the rest of the critical reception.)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2dNvVdz3js/
(What a goddamn needle drop after like 20 seconds of dancing around the fact that this is a TMNT film. Demented that they went for the time travel storyline in the third film though. Didn’t even get to do Krang.)
Directors – Stuart Gillard – ( Known For: Kart Racer; A Man Called Sarge; Future BMT: Paradise; RocketMan; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for the Sonny and Cher Show in 1976. He’s a pretty huge producer for television these days, most recently for So Help Me Todd.)
Writers – Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird – ( Known For: The Lego Movie; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie; Heavy Metal 2000; Future BMT: TMNT; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: By all accounts this story is pretty much ripped from the pages of an actual TMNT comic, so them getting credits is more that sensical.)
Stuart Gillard – ( Known For: If You Could See What I Hear; Spring Fever; A Man Called Sarge; Future BMT: Paradise; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: This basically ended his writing career? He wrote Mega Piranha a little after. A Man Called Sarge? 500 votes on IMDb, and played 24 times in the 90s.)
Actors – Elias Koteas – ( Known For: Shooter; Shutter Island; Zodiac; Now You See Me; The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; The Thin Red Line; Crash; My Days of Mercy; Gattaca; Fallen; Let Me In; Some Kind of Wonderful; The Last Days on Mars; Apt Pupil; Exotica; The Greatest Game Ever Played; The Prophecy; The Killer Inside Me; She’s Having a Baby; Future BMT: The Fourth Kind; Collateral Damage; Dream House; Skinwalkers; Look Who’s Talking Too; Desperate Hours; Almost an Angel; Lost Souls; BMT: The Haunting in Connecticut; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Devil’s Knot; Notes: Became a pretty big TV star in the 2000s. 100 episodes of Chicago P.D. Was on the somewhat resurgent fourth season of The Killing. Character actor throughout the 90s.)
Paige Turco – ( Known For: Invincible; Books of Blood; Urbania; The Pompatus of Love; Rhinoceros Eyes; The Favor; Dead Funny; Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: The Game Plan; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: Was originally a dancer until an injury ended the possibility of that being a career. Got this part because the previous April O’Neil basically quit.)
Stuart Wilson – ( Known For: The Rock; Hot Fuzz; Vertical Limit; Enemy of the State; The Mask of Zorro; The Age of Innocence; Grindhouse; Lethal Weapon 3; No Escape; Death and the Maiden; Fascination; Unstoppable; Wetherby; Dulcima; The Luzhin Defence; The Prisoner of Zenda; Perfect Creature; Edie & Pen; Fool’s Mate; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Exit to Eden; Here on Earth; Notes: Was a big British theater actor in the 70s and 80s. Then started getting parts in British television in the 80s. And then because a villain (basically) in 90s in films like Lethal Weapon 3.)
Budget/Gross – $21,000,000 / Domestic: $42,273,609 (Worldwide: $42,273,609)
(Yeah that is basically a wash for a film like this back in the day. It would have been banking on home video to give them the real bang for their buck. But they ended up converting the fourth film to television, which also makes sense.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (6/32): It’s a case of one sequel too many for the heroes in a half shell, with a tired time-travel plot gimmick failing to save the franchise from rapidly diminishing returns.
(Yeah, the time travel bit I remember not being impressed with, even as a seven year old. Very tired, and a fairly obvious ploy to get kids to buy different toys with different costumes.)
NY Times Short Review: Fighting Samurai dynasties. Less violent, more scenic.
Poster – TMNT III: Turtle Time Through Time
(No one can seriously come in here and tell you that this isn’t a very cool poster. It’s so cool that I wondered “who made this?” and when I found out it was Morgan Weistling I thought “wait, haven’t I talked about him before?” The answer is yes. I talked about him while raving about the Police Academy posters. A.)
Tagline(s) – Ancient Japan, 1593. Without a map. Without a clue. Without a pizza. (B-)
(Give me dat year. Right on the poster. Nice. It’s a little long, but once you get past the setting you get a nice Rule of Three and it’s fun in a slightly nonsensical way.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.6 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.6 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Grudge 2 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Marmaduke (2010), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), … (and many more)
Best Options (daddio): 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 46.3 Daddy Day Care (2003)
(There is it. It is pretty funny how few options we had. Although I did learn that I didn’t include films nominated for an actor’s performance (like Whoopi Goldberg for Eddie, so there was probably actually tons of options).)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Stuart Wilson is No. 3 billed in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and No. 9 billed in Here on Earth, => (3 + 9) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Starting in this film, All Effects Company took over and worked on the animatronic effects for the turtles and Splinter costumes. Jim Henson’s Creature Shop was the company who worked on the mutant creatures in the previous two movies.
Producers invited Corey Feldman to reprise his role from the first film as Donatello. The filmmakers told Corey they felt bad about not casting him for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991). However, when Corey asked for more money than the $1500 he was paid on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Corey was told, “yeah, but you were in rehab.” Corey was denied the raise, and was again paid only $1500.
This film was originally going to be followed by a fourth installment in the franchise, “TMNT: The Next Mutation.” In this concept, the Ooze that transformed the Turtles and Splinter was still in their bodies, causing a much more drastic second mutation. Another plan that was discussed was to add a fifth turtle named Kirby (named after comic artist Jack Kirby). However, the project got stuck in development and plans for a fourth theatrical live action movie fell apart. The concept of having the Turtles mutate into creatures did see the light of day in the ‘New Mutation’ saga of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) cartoon. Later, the live action “Next Mutation” installment moved to television in a live-action series produced by Saban, titled Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation (1997). This series delivered on the promise of a fifth turtle, but changed it to a female turtle named Venus De Milo.
Mark Caso (The performer inside the Leonardo costume), is the only cast to return from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991). Brian Tochi (The voice of Leonardo) and Robbie Rist (The voice of Michaelangelo) are the only actors who appeared in all three movies in the trilogy. Corey Feldman who appeared in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) makes his return as the voice of Donatello.
The concept for this movie is loosely based on a story called “Masks” from issues #46 and #47 of the original Mirage comics. The story features the Turtles and Renet traveling back to Feudal Japan to fight an evil shogun and engage in samurai battles.
Bad Movie Twins 