Jamie
Rocky IV has come and gone as a BMT film over the year. Honestly, it’s annoying. I’m annoyed by it. The movie has always been, and always will be hilarious. So it’s hard for me to take seriously the idea that a film will ironically not qualify for BMT. Similar in many ways to Moonfall. It gets credit for having its tongue in its cheek? I don’t think so. Rocky IV doesn’t even have its tongue in its cheek. Its tongue is firmly planted at the bottom of its mouth and has no intention of moving. Anyway, it’s delightful that after RT curated a number of older reviews this film managed to claw its way to BMT glory. I can rest now *an ancient sigh is released from Jamie’s chest and he falls into a deep slumber*
To recap, Rocky is doing great. He’s the champ. He’s got a family he loves. His brother-in-law Paulie has a robot. What else does a man need? A challenge, right? Wrong. When the monstrous Drago emerges from behind the Iron Curtain and asks to fight Rocky in an exhibition, Rocky is like “pshawwwww.” Long retired Apollo Creed, on the other hand, sees an opportunity. Always the showman, he sets up the super patriotic exhibition and is promptly pummeled to death. Not ideal. Rocky is sad. Adrian is scared. She knows Rocky and Rocky will want to avenge his friend. She’s like “you can’t win!” because she just saw Drago smash Apollo in the face until he died. But has she met Rocky? He’s got a literal rock for a head and so he agrees to the fight and heads off to Siberia to train. Oh he spars. Oh he lifts. Oh he ditches his Russian handlers with his blazing fast speed. They aren’t going to fight for money or belts. They are fighting for pride… and because Drago shattered Apollo’s body with his fists and Rocky didn’t like that. After Adrian arrives to lend her begrudging support, the big fight in Russia is on. Rocky is pummeled pretty much like Apollo right from the jump. But unlike Apollo he doesn’t know when to quit and just keeps standing and letting Drago punch him a thousand times. He has him right where he wants him. Soon the tide turns and he cuts the Russian. If Drago can bleed then Drago can be beaten. In the end Rocky wins even though it was probably like 120-10 on the scorecards after Drago won every round 10-1. Even the Soviets are cheering for Rocky and he gets to return home a hero! THE END.
I mean… I’m not going to sit here and say this movie is bad. It’s great. Really, really fun to watch. Do I think Sly Stallone knew exactly what he was doing when he made this? No, not really. I think he was making the movie he wanted to make and this is his vision of a film. Totally serious. If you watch the series back-to-back-to-back like I did you can see how the Rocky movies reflect Stallone’s life. It increasingly becomes about the challenges of fame as Stallone himself becomes more famous. Rocky IV is the transition point from “I kind of experienced this” Rocky/Stallone crossover to “I could end the Cold War” Rocky/Stallone. Insane stuff. There is a real visual and emotional flair that he still had, though, and it’s kind of thrilling to watch. Makes sense, too, that he basically stopped directing at this point. His 80’s style was on the way out and he only came back when he did another Rocky film, another Rambo film, and an Expendables film, which is essentially his attempt to bring his style back to the mainstream. It’s good, but like, also it’s really bad in the best possible ways.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I think it’s obvious that Rocky dies on punch 500 that he takes straight to the dome from Drago. As his limp body falls to the canvas he imagines coming back in the fight. Just bull rushing Drago, taking punch after punch directly to the face, without even flinching. The Russian gets cut? Not while Rocky is alive. In his dying dream, maybe. Drago was 100-0 going into the fight (I can’t remember if this is a real fact or comes from some non-canon source) and after the fight is 101-0 with probably 101 deaths on his hands. RIP Rocky. Hot Take Temperature: Smoking hot lady robot.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me climbing a mountain in Siberia with a light windbreaker on and bankrupting myself in the process* Let’s go!
The Good? Uhhhhh, are you dumb? This movie is incredible. It is both ironically and unironically good. At one point Dolph Lundgren proclaims that Rocky’s body is like punching steel. There is an entire song montage that shows all three of the prior films. Rocky agrees to have a fight for no money in Russia on Christmas Day. “If he dies he dies.” “I must break you.” This movie is genuinely incredible and the fact that is qualifies is a travesty.
The Bad? I mean, fine, the fight is ludicrous looking. They deal haymaker after haymaker, land all of them, and remain standing. At one point they suggest Lundgren has the hardest punch in history and he’s shooting up steroids and pure science is running through his veins. This movie is endlessly ridiculous and should be ridiculed for it.
The BMT? I mean … is the movie good, or is it so bad it’s good? The world legitimately may never know. Do I love it ironically, or unironically? I don’t even know. It is an enigma.
Final one of these advert ones. I did indeed change up the query to explicitly tell it to only look for full page advertisements. I don’t know how consistent it is, but it did, in general, seem better, at least for Rocky IV. Pretty much nailed it:
Of course, yeah, Rocky IV is one of the big boys. But look at those others! A BMT and a … Disney film I guess. It stars Mary Steenburgen and Harry Dean Stanton of all people. Goddamn, it was playing everywhere. It was wide release, and this juuuust narrowly beat having three BMT films as advertisements on the same day. That would have been something else.
I’m going to name a special award called The Worst Person In the Universe, Why Are You Friends With This Person (Who?) to give to Paulie. I’m going to give a Product Placement (What?) for the Lamborghini Jalpa Rocky rides in during the music montage. Definite Setting as a Character (Where?) for Siberia. Secret Holiday Film (When?) for days in the fight taking place on Christmas Day. Another special award called I Must Avenge You Apollo (Why?) for the movie death that has to be avenged at all costs. And this movie is somehow both Good and BMT, but I’m going to lean BMT and accept that this film is technically a bad movie by movie making standards.
Learn all about punching probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 