You have battled and fought and made your body lean and sinewy, ready to cleave your enemies in two with your razor sharp sword. There is only one thing else to do, Crom demands it … it’s quiz time.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
- In the beginning of the film Conan’s father sends the youths of the camp off to compete for a spot in the hunt. What is the competition?
- What’s more important in forging a blade, fire? Or ice?
- The day of his father’s death left indelible scars on Conan’s soul. But it also left slightly less metaphorical scars on his body (something he then shows to the eeeeeevil Khalar Zym to prove he was the boy destined to kill him, how convenient …). What injury was inflicted onto Conan on that fateful day?
- Conan frees the thief Ela-Shan from slavery, befriending him for life (convenient, perhaps his lockpicking skills will be vitally important for the climax of this film …). But why did Conan allow himself to be enslaved in the first place?
- Straight up … what is the plot of this film? Who is Khalar Zym, what is he looking for, and why is he looking for it?
- They are supposed to run around the hill and back to camp with a bird’s egg in their mouth. The first one to return to camp with an unbroken egg wins. And naturally, boys will be boys, they beat the shit out of each other in the process.
- Trick question! Fooled you! It is both in equal measure. Such is the mystery and power of steel, Conan.
- Conan’s hands are scarred during the struggle to keep a bucket of molten iron hanging above his father’s head from tipping. If you said that a bit of molten iron scars his face near his eye I’ll give it to you, although I don’t think that is really the important bit.
- He sees a man, Lucius, who was with Khalar Zym the day Conan’s tribe was slaughtered, a man who Conan, as a boy, chopped the nose off of (making him immediately recognizable, how convenient …). He gets enslaved and then frees himself in order to interrogate Lucius about the whereabouts of Zym and his evil witch daughter, Marique.
- Khalar Zym is a warlord. In the beginning of the film he is looking for the pieces to the Mask of Acheron, the last of which is protected by Conan’s tribe. The rest of the film involves the second piece to reviving the Mask, blood of a pure blood descendent of the sorcerers of Acheron (i.e. Tamara). Combining these two items will revive the Mask and give Zym unlimited power. He hopes to resurrect his long dead wife to rule by his side. He’s just super sad guys.
I know for a fact that Jamie destroyed Zym and Marique and saved the world from subjugation by the Mask of Acheron, how about you? Are you Conan, powerful warrior of Cimmeria? Or are you the noseless Lucius, torn asunder by your rebelling horde of slaves?