Calvin is just trying to recover a diamond he stole for his employer. Darryl just wants to be a father. You watched the heartfelt comedy Little Man and against all odds you haven’t scratched your own eyes out, so let’s take a quiz!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Calvin and Percy are hired by some evildoers to steal an enormous diamond from the jewellery store, which they are somehow amazing at doing. But what foils their escape?
2) Calvin pretends to be an abandoned baby on Darryl’s doorstep, unfortunately CPS is closed for the weekend! Better take Calvin immediately to a pediatrician. What are the three tip-offs that Calvin is grown adult that the doctor somehow dismisses?
3) After Calvin steals Darryl’s car and leads the police on a high speed chase resulting in Darryl’s car getting totalled … Darryl decides he still wants to go to the hockey game with the boys (as a normal adult person would do after their child is kidnapped and is involved in a car accident). They live in Chicago, which city is their team playing that night?
4) At the aforementioned hockey game Calvin swallows the enormous diamond in order to later pass it and recover it for the mob bosses he stole it for. Unfortunately this diamond instead just stops Calvin up. What is the remedy to this problem?
5) Finally, how much were Percy and Calvin supposed to be paid for stealing the diamond? How much does Darryl ultimately get as a reward from the insurance company for its recovery?
1) Percy didn’t expect the traffic police to be able to put a boot on a car in like 14 seconds flat, and so, while stealing the diamond, their getaway car is crippled. Ultimately they have to escape on foot and stash the diamond in the purse of Darryl’s wife.
2) First, he has a healed knife wound in his side which the doctor presumes is from the removal of Calvin’s appendix. Second, Calvin has a tattoo … which the doctor I guess just thinks was some sicko’s cruelty? And finally, Calvin not only has a full set of adult teeth, but also has had bridge work done which the doctor … just I guess thinks is weird? All real.
3) Detroit. Naturally, the adult man pretending to be Darryl’s baby (1) gets drunk without anyone noticing, (2) accosts a poor waitress who thinks Darryl is catcalling her, (3) nearly gets Darryl into a fight with the person next to them, and (4) actually does get Darryl into a fight with a hockey player who enters the stands. Ultimately this hockey player beats the shit out of Calvin (whom everyone thinks is a baby) thus, presumably, ending the player’s professional sports career. All real.
4) He decides to swallow a whole bottle of castor oil like an idiot then he shits himself in front of his “parents”. His “mother” goes to change his diaper and finds the diamond and assumes, somehow, that this enormous diamond is meant for her engagement ring. Whoops! All real.
5) Trick question (kind of). In both cases they were to be paid 100 thousand dollars, now that’s alotta douuuuuugh.
As usual Jamie is a garbage human who got a perfect score, what about you? Were you Walken, the dastardly evildoer who commissioned Calvin and Percy to steal the diamond in the first place? Or are you the heroic (if a little naive) Darryl, who just wants to love and be loved?