I know y’all were distracted by the three B’s: Beers, Boobs, and Buffalo Wings (fine, only the first two were in the film I think), but try desperately to remember what this plotless film is actually about.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) What did Mahoney do to get himself trapped in the Police Academy, either committing to complete the training, or get thrown in jail?
2) How many of the police academy crew can you name and their defining stereotype … er, I mean characteristic?
3) In one of the weirder gags the head of the Academy gets a blowjob while standing behind a podium giving a presentation. He thinks it is from the Gutes (he wishes), but it was actually by a prostitute. Why was there a prostitute in the Academy though?
4) Prior to the big finale both Hightower and Mahoney are kicked out of the Academy. Why?
5) In the grand finale a giant riot breaks out and Hightower (who had returned to his florist job in the area) and Mahoney save the day. How did the riot start?
1) He intentionally crashed a jerk’s car at the parking lot he worked at. After insisting that the lot was full, but being forced to park it by his boss, Mahoney drove it two wheeled between two other cars leading to his arrest. What a joker!
2) The Gutes is Mahoney the super chill ladies man (natch). Kim Cattrall is Thompson the super hot rich girl. Bubba Smith is Hightower, the big buff black dude. Donovan Scott is the fat piece of shit Leslie Barbara. Michael Winslow plays Jones who makes funny sounds with his mouth. Andrew Rubin plays Martin the fake spanish casanova. David Graf plays gun-loving psycho Tackleberry. Bruce Mahler plays the accident prone Fackler. And Marion Ramsey is the soft-spoken Hooks. We’ll ignore the baddies, but Blankes and Copeland are genuine racists and homophobes, so surprisingly modern take there.
3) The eeeeevil Blankes and Copeland, in order to get Barbara kicked out, brought a prostitute into the Academy into his room. The Gutes does him a solid and hides her in the first available place, behind the podium. Then shenanigans ensue.
4) Hightower is thrown out for tipping the practice vehicle during the driving test after Copeland (I think) calls Hooks a racial slur. Mahoney covers for Barbara who technically threw the first punch in a lunchroom brawl, and he gets thrown out instead.
5) Fackler, being accident prone, carelessly tosses an apple and hits someone in the back while on a ride along. Like a giant Rube Goldberg machine this results in a brawl that spirals into a full blown street riot, so large that the cadets are called in for backup. Whoops!
So were you a straight Mahoney, harassing *ahem* I mean charming the ladies? Or were you a Lt. Harris, a straight Goober who no one likes?