Alright, last thing I remember I was macking the mack with all the sweet ladies down in NYC (ballllllllin’), and then I just knocked out by the shenanigans of my millenial (ugh!) son! I’m sure I have a concussion, can you help me remember what happened in Shaft (2019)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Back in the 80s Shaft went and had himself a beautiful baby boy, Shaft Jr. … and then they moved away and he basically never saw him again for 30 years. What event caused his girlfriend and son to move away?
2) Now that his son is all growed up he’s living in NYC as well. What is his son’s job? Bonus point if you can tell me where his son went to college as well.
3) But uh oh! Jr.’s bestest friend contacted him out of the blue and wants to reconnect, but before they can he died tragically. What is his friend’s job, and how did he die?
4) Through thorough and definitely not completely illegal and inappropriate investigations, Jr. and Shaft discover something nefarious going on with the local mosque and grocery store. What is the plot and why is this a huge problem for Jr.?
5) In the end, who was responsible for all of the events of the film, and why? Why did he hate the Shafts oh so much?!
1) She was almost murdered! You see, Shaft is one bad (shut your mouth) and makes a lot of enemies. These enemies tend to try and shoot Shaft. So Shaft’s girlfriend figures the less Shaft in her son’s life the better.
2) Jr. is a Data Analyst at the FBI. Pretty fancy. And how does one get such a fancy job? School. Because School is Cool. And the school he went to is called MIT, holla!
3) His friend was in the army, and now (after getting clean) works for an organization called Brothers Watching Brothers (which Shaft really thinks is a bad name and is going to tell everyone about it) which helps ex-army civilians get back on their feet. He dies by being forced to overdose on heroin, and since he is a recovering addict everyone figures this makes sense.
4) The Brothers Watching Brothers organization is importing heroin into the United States in broken army vehicles that they then refurbish for a profit (their purported side-business). They then began to funnel money through the grocery store into a local mosque Jr.’s friend goes to. The hope was that as long as the friend’s money was used for the good of the community he would stay mum about the drug importation plot. But he wasn’t going to, so they killed him. This is a huge problem for Jr. because the FBI was investigating the mosque for terrorism-related activities and this drug connection ends up blowing their entire investigation and giving the FBI a big racial profiling publicity snafu to deal with.
5) There is some bad guy, I literally can’t remember his name. But he’s been pushing heroin in NYC since the 80s and Shaft doesn’t like him one bit (the feeling is mutual). The baddie was the one who tried to kill Shaft all those years ago, and he’s the one that the Brothers Watching Brothers scheme was selling heroin to on the side. The end.
Right. And somehow I didn’t get to mention that Shaft just hates Millennials. He thinks they sip their lattes and eat soy and are generally unmanly. It is a really mature thing that in no way makes me think less of the character of John Shaft …