Oh man, so here’s the thing. I’m a pretty sweet ninja, but then this bad guy with a ‘tude popped out an bopped me on the head and I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Snake Eyes (2021)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) At the docks at the beginning of the film Snake Eyes has a job with Kenta’s yakuza gang. What is his job?
2) After saving Tommy’s life at the docks, Tommy brings him back to his home in Japan. What is Tommy’s relationship with Kenta and why did they have a falling out?
3) In reality Snake Eyes is working for Kenta. To do what, and what does he get in return?
4) To get in with the Arashikage clan Snake Eyes must pass three tests. What are the three tests?
5) In the end Snake Eyes becomes a good guy, and Tommy becomes Storm Shadow. Why is Tommy expelled / why does he quit the clan?
Bonus Question: In the super secret end of credits scene only available for special customers, what was Snake Eyes first mission revealed to be?
1) His job is to cut open large tuna and fill the insides with guns. These guns, presumably, are shipped from the US to Japan? And that is why Tommy calls Snake Eyes “fish boy” for a chunk of the beginning of the film.
2) Kenta and Tommy are, I believe, cousins. And both, in a way, have a claim to lead the Arashikage clan. But in the end, Tommy is chosen, and Kenta, furious, attempts to have him killed. When this plan is discovered, Kenta is expelled from the clan and vows to seek revenge against Tommy and the clan.
3) Snake Eyes needs to get the magic gemstone of the Arashikage clan which is like a glowing orange tear-shaped thing protected by a DNA lock. This is all, of course, orchestrated by Cobra in reality. In return Snake Eyes will be able to kill the man who killed his father with loaded dice that always come up snake eyes … get it?
4) They seem like lame tests if I’m being honest. The first one he just needs to ask nicely for a bowl of water. In the second he just needs to listen to some ghosts who are like “it’s not your fault … also you should probably seek therapy for your emotional trauma.” And the final test. Well, yeah, that is to face a bunch of big ol’ snakes. But, uh-oh, somehow these magic snakes can see into your heart. And everyone knows Snake Eye’s heart is filled only with anger and the need for vengeance. So he fails that one, but in like a good way, you know?
5) Tommy is expelled because he tries to kill Kenta, and that is a no no. They can’t use the gemstone at all, but especially not for killing. Their duty is only to protect it. And he has failed, and now the clan has to die. Pretty dumb if you ask me. Tommy seems like a good (if flawed) person. With Snake Eyes at his side the clan could have gone far. But alas, they are all dopes and instead created an elite Cobra ninja, good job idiots.
Bonus Answer: Within a fictional African republic the capital city lies under a magnificent monolith … well, for now! Cobra is holding their government secretly hostage under threat of destroying the monolith and burying the capital city under a pile of rubble (ba ba baaaaaaaaaaa). In comes Snake Eyes. You see, the only way in or out of the monolith is on a heavily guarded road, it is impossible! Except, awesome ninjas can scale that monolith. But guess who is there to stop him when he does? That’s right, Storm Shadow! You … you joined Cobra?! But how could you betray your clan like that? How could you betray yourself?! An awesome battle in the sky proceeds, and in the end Snake Eyes takes out the baddies (with the help of the Joe’s airborne support) and saves the republic. But Tommy … there must be a way to get to him, to turn him back to the light! See all the exciting adventure on Disney+ or whatever, Snake Eyes 2: Gathering Storm.
Once again … that kind of sounds like a plausible sequel idea. Although, maybe a bit small scale. It actually maybe just sounds like an episode of the old GI Joe cartoon. Which is not the worst idea for what to do next with the franchise.