Supercross Recap

Jamie

My god, I didn’t realize that they had already made a biopic about me and Patrick’s lives. Two young gun supercross stars on the rise, one play-it-safe, the other throw-caution-to-the-wind, and both with talent and bravado to spare. Now of course I saw through their thinly veiled supercross symbolism to the bad movie twins metaphor underneath. Because obviously writing these posts each week is a bit like thrashing some sweet jumps on a motorbike (as one says). And just like they showed in the film, ultimately we came out on top (i.e made a website that everyone reads) and got a couple babes along the way. Did Patrick get recruited by a big time website to write safe, lame reviews while a different person got all the credit? Not exactly. Did I, the bad boy of the pair, sign on as an independent bad movie writer and seriously injure myself while protecting Patrick from a rival writer out for blood? Not the case. Did we then team up to win THE BIG RACE and take the bad movie game by storm? Most definitely. So you see, basically the same.

Now if they had asked for our opinions ahead of time they may have not created something so, how should I put this… not a movie… it’s not a movie. Supercross is just a series of images of supercross races glued together with sports film cliche. Were there any good things about it? Well, it certainly had some supercross and, as the Point Break remake proved, some visual dazzle of sports I don’t typically watch can make for some fun. In particular the brothers go one about the dream of winning THE BIG RACE as an independent rider and it’s something I didn’t know anything about, so that was interesting. I also thought the actresses in it were solid. Besides that though, it was clearly made by someone who had no business making a big budget feature (and hasn’t since) and as a result it feels more like a TV movie or straight-to-video fare. I can’t tell if I loved it as a BMT. It definitely had the making for it. But it also feels almost like it qualified for BMT by accident, by some quirk of the release schedule. While I mull that over I’ll give you a drinking game for Supercross:

• Either of the brothers lose a race (1 drink. In fact the film should be called Race Losers cause they spend almost the entire film losing races both big and small)
• Channing Tatum looks totally fly (1 drink. Which is always, so whenever he’s on screen)
• The word “Nami” is uttered (2 drinks. There is only one thing better than a product placement, and that’s a fake product placement)
• They mention that K.C. is a real safe rule-follower (2 drinks. Rulez are coolz so we at BMTHQ are big time K.C. heads)
• K.C. breaks the rules! (3 drinks. Rulez are coolz, but sometimes rules are meant to be broken)
• Tyler Evans tells someone that they’re definitely “going to pay for that” (3 drinks, and no, no one ever really pays for it other than Tyler himself)
• Papa Johns! (when the boys order Papa Johns, you also order Papa Johns. And no cheating, you have to order exactly what they got)

Been a while since I enjoyed making one of those. Patrick?

Patrick

Hello everyone! Supercross? More like Stupidcross, amirite? What is with short films and bad boys with hearts of gold? Because Trip has a heart of gold out the wazoo in this film! His brother on the other hand loves rules and is just a stickler for them … wait a tic, is this the bad movie twins biography?! I don’t remember being a motocross legend. But perhaps motocross is a metaphor for bad movies … Anyways, on with the ‘pinions!

• I’m not sure there is anything good about the film. Even the relationships in the film devolve down to frankly saying “yeah women can’t really be motocross stars, be the pit crew for your boyfriend” and “you’re a lawyer? Well you ‘belong’ to your motocross boyfriend just like us honey!” But I liked the two actresses at least.
• The movie is barely a movie. Literally 80 minutes flat (with credits). That is just screaming “we are desperately trying to hit feature length.”
• Young Channing Tatum is a dick yo.
• Tyler Evans, congratulations, you’re in the running for the top 10 biggest BMT villains. Imagine the BMTFI Top 10 Villians and it is just obscure characters like Tyler Evans. He isn’t even a character, he plays himself!
• Fun fact: Tyler Evans gets beat the F out like three times by the Carlyle bros in motocross and never gets his revenge. He keeps coming over on his bike being like “watch out KC I’m totes going to knock you off your bike next race” and then he never manages to do it! Still a top 10 villain though.
• Some of the best Product Placement (What?) we’ve ever seen, and not just for motocross itself, but at one point the brothers scream at each other “PAPA JOHN’S!!!!” and then one of them goes on to describe in meticulous detail their pizza order including insisting upon multiple garlic butter sauces.
• Otherwise it is just a kind of okay Setting as a Character (Where?) film for California. And then … I mean, just look at at this recap! This is definitely a BMT film through and through in my opinion.
• Oh and the IMDb plot is “Faced with the suspicious death of their father, two brothers must motivate one another to get back on their bikes and take the Las Vegas Motocross Championships by storm.” … Yeah, their father is just dead in the beginning, there is no mention of a suspicious death or anything.

It definitely will have me thinking about it for a few hours. I think if I had my druthers I would pitch Netflix a prequel series called Supercross: Brotherhood. It is about the Carlyles’ father and Earl Cole in their motorcycle gang the Ravens and they are getting in a whole mess of trouble. They do crime as their day job, and then on Saturday they hit the track, and on Monday they hit the gym (broooo). They’re best of buds and that’s confusing because in the movie Earl is like “I kind of remember your father maybe …”, but you build that into the story, like a secret pact to never tell their children. And in the end their father died suspiciously (thus retconning the IMDb plotline into existence!). I’d watch it. Like a worse Sons of Anarchy. Cheerios, and back to you Jamie!