Michael Myers is back, Jack! You might think that’s a given, but they really did have to make it very clear that this time around Michael Myers would actually appear in the newest Halloween film. Sure the last one had *checks notes* a mask factory that used a piece of stonehenge to magically destroy the world’s children but… uh… forget all that. Instead recall back to Halloween II which ended with *checks notes* the incineration of both Loomis and Michael Myers. So uh… forget that too. Turns out our two favorite characters just got some minor scrapes and burns and they’re back in Haddonfield, IL on Halloween doing what they love to do: killing and being a literal crazy person (honestly Loomis is starting to come off decidedly more crazy than Michael at this point). It’s a wild ride from there as they more or less rehash the plot of the first film except instead of Michael chasing a babysitter he’s chasing his niece, Jamie. You know, because we were all extremely invested in the idea that Michael Myers needs a specific familial motivation for his murder. From there it proceeds as expected more or less. People attempt to stop Michael. Michael is unstoppable. People run. But Michael keeps on coming. Until finally they shoot him with a machine gun and he falls into a sinkhole… just the classics really. The BIG TWIST comes at the end when Jamie is revealed to have psychically connected to Michael and now is a murderous child like he was! Thus starting the cycle anew… you know, until they have us forget that too. As Loomis would say, “Goddamn you!”
As an unabashed fan of franchises I can tell you I was pretty excited to make our way through Halloween again. I had recalled from previous times watching these entries (sure I’ve seen them before) this was where things really went off the rails in a way that was particularly unusual for the major horror franchises. I say that only in the sense that most of these franchises eventually head into some kind of meta commentary that borders or jumps fully into horror-comedy territory. Halloween never really did that and instead veered directly into unintentional comedy. This, however, is not one of those and is instead just a run-of-the-mill, generic horror film whose sole purpose is to get the franchise back on its feet so they can swiftly kick it in the balls a few more times. Is it good? Oh deary me, no. Is it bad? Not exactly. It just is. This turkey is still cooking. You gotta wait for the next two to really get into the juicy stuff. Patrick?
‘Ello everyone! Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers? More like Halloween Bore: This Movie’s Plot is Dire, amirite? There it is. There’s the kind of play on words which made me stop doing that segment back in the day. Remember how in 1988 everyone was like “I can’t get enough of that Loomis! Give me more Loomis!”? No? Well, they must have because he’s now the main character of a horror franchise! Let’s go!
- Speaking of Loomis, as amusing as it already is that they decided they just needed more Loomis (that they had a disease and the only cure was more Loomis…), it is infinitely more amusing that he just disappears for the middle 30-40 minutes of the film … again. He does it again, just like in the first and second films.
- I’m pretty sure nearly every person you meet in the film besides the people you see at the end die except for Wade! Wade, the loveable loser who just can’t ask Kelly out on a date. Oh Wade, I hope your Halloween was a blast.
- The film is kind of okay for the most part. At least you watch it and it seems like a normal generic franchise horror film.
- Well riiiiiiiight up until the end when they explicitly reveal the psychic connection between Michael and his niece. That is what we at BMTHQ call a Slap in the Face™. Spoilers, they pick up that football and run with it.
- The hero of the film? The inexplicable famer’s sinkhole that Michael falls into. No one seems the least bit concerned about the enormous sinkhole they just saw a masked murderer fall into after being shot hundreds of times.
- Obviously we got excellent Setting as a Character (Where?) for Haddonfield, IL, probably the second most famous horror location after Elm St (maybe just beating out Crystal Lake). And an A+ Holiday Film (When?) for Halloween. I’m going to give a minor Planchet (Who?) for my boy Wade. And a definite Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that Jamie is psychically connected to Michael and is now a murderer as well (at least that is what it indicated).
- Definite BMT for me, as the film really starts to suck the life out of a quintessential horror franchise.
I’m going to leave it there because honestly there isn’t much to say about Halloween 4. It seems kind of good for most of the runtime. But then the end really sucks, and it is mostly blah. Give me more Wade! Now that is who should have been the next main character of the franchise. Open Halloween 5 with Loomis’ suicide note as he, indeed, didn’t see a reason to live now that he thinks Michael is dead. But then Wade, on the anniversary of his main man Brady’s death, hears that Michael is back and takes up arms! I would definitely watch that. Give me that alternate Halloween timeline stat!