Oh man, so the Moon is falling and I think it fell down and bopped me on the head because I can’t remember a thing about it! Do you remember what happened in Moonfall?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning our heroes are on a space mission when suddenly an amorphous blob attacks! It kills one of them, but Patrick Wilson saves the ship and lands it safely. But, answer me this, what was the purpose of the mission? Bonus points for naming the some they are singing while doing it.
2) Well, Patrick Wilson’s life is now ruined. Smash cut to 10 or so years later. He’s divorced, his ex-wife is re-married to Michael Pena, and … now I can’t remember. Why is his son going to jail? And why doesn’t he get bail?
3) The moon is falling (did I mention that yet?) and they have one shot to stop it. What is the plan? Why do they need Patrick Wilson for the mission?
4) Oh man there is a whole other story I’ve barely mentioned. Patrick Wilson’s son and Halle Berry’s son (plus a Chinese exchange student / nanny maybe?) are off to where? But where do they ultimately end up at the end of the film?
5) Give it to me, give me the exposition dump of why the moon is a superstructure and why there is an eeeeeeeevil AI trying to hurl it into the moon?
Bonus Question: In the after-mid-credits sequence (you didn’t stay? It was shown 45 minutes after the theater was cleaned) we blast lightyears away to meet whom?
Answers
1) The purpose of the mission was to repair a satellite, so they are doing a pretty impressive space walk to do it when the AI strikes. The song they are singing is “Africa” by Toto, with an amusing debate about whether is it “miss” or “bless” the rains down in Africa.
2) His son is caught in a high-speed pursuit with the cops (smooth move). Double uh-oh though, his son’s friend had some drugs on him which means this is pretty serious. Good thing Patrick Wilson is there to totally BLOW IT. He gets all angry with the judge, who then declares his son a flight risk because of Michael Pena’s money (oh yeah, Pena is ultra-rich).
3) It evolves, but the basic gist is that they are going to take the Endeavor (the ship they were on in the beginning of the film!) and fly up to the moon with a big ol’ EMP bomb. They’ll lure the AI out (because it appears to be attracted to electricity) and then blow it up. That’s why they need Patrick Wilson, because he is the only person who can fly the spaceship without electronics.
4) They leave the base by car (why? Who knows) and drive real fast (remember how Patrick Wilson’s son can drive real fast?). They are off to Colorado, specifically they are trying to make it to NORAD (or at least a bunker in Colorado). They ultimately end up going to Aspen first (to pick up a Lexus, the only car in the world that can outrun the moon, everyone knows that), but then ultimately end up hiding in a tunnel until all this dumb moon stuff dies down.
5) So billions of years ago humans lived in eternal peace having developed truly singular AI and they lived among the stars on Dyson rings and spheres. Unfortunately that AI broke bad and decided that it was going to kill all these dumb humans because they’re dumb and had no right to lord over such a super smart AI. The humans tried to battle the AI, but that didn’t work, the AI was just so super good, you know? So they created a bunch of artificial moons, but only one actually got sent off to a little ol’ planet called Earth. The moon they seeded the Earth with human DNA et voila! We are the descendants of this extinct race. But uh oh! The AI found us! And it has spent 10 years breaking into the moon, and now is trying to kill the Earth and the Moon in one fail swoop. Not if … Game-of-Thrones-guy-I-can’t-remember-the-name-of has anything to say about it!
Bonus Answer: Granmfelldr of course! I was hype about Granny coming in, it was a character from the IP I was really hoping they would get as the big baddie for the sequel. Anyways, he’s an insect-like alien military leader who has (spoilies) captured the human-killing AI centuries ago and been using it to build up his own galaxy spanning empire fueled by the remains of the human’s Dyson spheres/rings. But humans … alive?! That threatens it all. You see, Granmfelldr and his minions are silicon-based and thus not susceptible to the AI’s carbon-based threat identification algorithm. But with humans alive the AI can be retrained and his empire brought to its knees! He puts the search for the Mother AI on hold (wait for that in the completion of the trilogy) and heads towards Earth to complete the AI’s mission. To make the moon … fall. But he didn’t count on the humans having an ally. The good AI powered by the love KC has for his mother is ready to defend Earth again. With an advanced human world scrambling to assemble defenses, the eeeeeevil Dyson spheres come into orbit and put it all on the line to defeat the humans. Can love win out? Or will Granmfelldr capture the moon and suck its energy dry?
Find out in: Moonfall 2: The Rise of Granmfelldr. You have to get that IP in there to get the Moonheads going!
Bad Movie Twins 