Where are you? Why do you hide? Where is that moonfall trail that leads to your BMT Live, babbyyyyyy! That’s me just riffing on the Moonraker theme to psych myself up for a borderline qualifying BMT film. Me and Patrick watched with bated breath as Moonfall appeared to be on its way to the ultimate “good for what it is, eat your dumb moon movie, dummies,” film of all time. Every review was like “Good if you’re a big idiot who likes dumb shit, 3/5 stars.” But suddenly it seemed like it wasn’t so and it was heading to BMT town, choo choo. So we bet big, watched the movie, and we won, cause this is an easy qualifier now.
So you may be wondering, “Jamie, did it live up to the hype? Was it actually a bad movie that reviewers were letting slide because they can no longer tell if they are supposed to be reviewing films or trying to predict what people are going to like (and thus yell at them on twitter about)?” Uh… well no and yes. Sure this movie is about the moon being a superstructure whose engine appears to be failing. And yes, the conspiracy theorist who discovered it and two disgraced astronauts fly into the moon and defeat a big AI-driven swarm of robots or something. So you can definitely check the “big” and “dumb” squares off your BMT bingo cards. But honestly, I kinda dug it. It’s super weird and science fiction-y and I liked how weird it was, particularly the ending. That being said, if you read the reviews they are like “you’re going to have a blast with this dumb fun action romp,” and I don’t really agree with that. Really the worst parts of the film were when they did the whole 2012-esque action and adventure stuff. And the very worst part was when they inserted a Lexus commercial into the middle of the film and they used some kind of “sports” mode in the car like it’s a NOS button in The Fast and the Furious. So a mixed bag overall and probably makes sense that this arrives at BMT by the slimmest of margins.
Since Patrick did a State of the Theaters (SotT) I will do a classic Sequel, Prequel, Remake. Obviously this is a smash hit so we gotta start thinking about the Sequel. I’m going to say we go full Marvel and say that once the moon was discovered to be a superstructure, parts that had come off and fallen to Earth have been scavenged and found to unlock the secret of future tech. The world changes over night for what appears to be the better. But wait, what villainous creature appears in the sky to rain on their utopia? K. C. Houseman, the conspiracy theorist himself, now full moonman. He’s been living in the moon for years learning everything he can from the AI. Putting the pieces together he can see that mankind is heading for disaster and only he can stop it by breaking bad and attacking Earth. That’s right! He’s the bad guy and a whole bunch of disgraced astronauts have to Tokyo Drift all over space to stop him. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Wooooo. Wait, what’s that? I’m just getting word that this was not in fact a smash hit. It actually the opposite. Alright, well trash that. Patrick?
‘Ello everyone! BMT Live! babbbbbbbbbbby! We pounced on this one when it was at like 39.8% on Rotten Tomatoes, and we were vindicated, it is now 38.3%! Let’s go!
- Is this movie dumb? Yup. Is this movie poorly cobbled together? Yup. Does this movie have a giant ad for Lexus disguised as a boring B-story no one cares about? Yup.
- But is this movie profoundly bad? No. It is weirdly entertaining. Absolutely blew by. Glanced at my watch and realized that I was an hour-and-a-half into the film.
- But that’s what BMT Live! is all about, right? I’m pretty convinced that I would have watched Moonfall at some point streaming randomly and we would have never done it for BMT if not for watching it in theaters.
- What percentage of people died on Earth during this film? 50%? 90%? 99%? I would say 99%, because all of the oxygen on Earth was lifted up and suffocated everyone in Colorado who didn’t have alternative breathing devices. But then maybe that was just because it was Colorado and thus higher up? John Bradley is like “take care of my mum.” Bro … I’m not sure your mother made it. I’m not sure if more than, like, 70 million people are alive on the planet. I’m sure if there was a sequel there would be some dumb thing being like “a million people died in the moon disaster” and I would be like WHAT, but whatever.
- Is John Bradley a Planchet in this film? He’s on the heavier side, people are bewildered that he is around and tend to dunk on him at every opportunity. Then he is also oddly capable and helps the heroes out in the end … I’m going with no though. He is too capable. Planchet merely helps the Musketeers out. He doesn’t grab a sword and defeat Cardinal Richelieu himself.
- Incredible Product Placement (What?) for Lexus, in that there is an entire commercial where Michael Pena puts the car into “hyperdrive” to get away from some baddies. Nice Setting as a Character (Where?) for Colorado. Decent MacGuffin (Why?) for just like evil AI that lives in the moon I think. And a terrible Worst Twist (How?) for obviously (obviously) Bradley staying behind to save the day (doesn’t mean I didn’t cry though). Definite BMT, even if Rotten Tomatoes thinks it is borderline.
I should probably do a very short report on the state of theaters. They are good. I was in a small theater (maybe like 30 reclining seats) with eight other people, but they were one giant group it turned out. But they were as silent as church mice and the experience was excellent. I think 2022 is looking good for theatrical experiences … only more so since I no longer have to go to Vue or Cineworld. AMC Framingham is like a palace compared to some of the theaters in London.