Alright, so basically I got a mail order bride who was supposed to be pretty plain, but then Angelina Jolie showed up. Needless to say I passed out, and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Original Sin?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Banderas is a rich farmer in Cuba at the turn of the century who wants a mail order bride because he just like … wants a wife, right? Anyways, what does his plantation produce?
2) Wowza, this mail order bride is actually a mail order hottie! Huh, better hand over access to all of my business accounts. But then who comes a calling which really cranks up his suspicions that something is amiss?
3) After Jolie runs away with all his money, where, ultimately, does Banderas find her and what is she doing?
4) After scraping together some money by cheating at cards things finally come to a head when Banderas correctly surmises that Jolie is going to kill him. By what method is he intended to die?
5) In the end, how does Jolie escape from prison and where does she go?
Bonus Question: During the mid-credits scene Banderas and Jolie are living it up in Morocco. But uh oh! Who walks into their swanky tent and why?
Answers
1) Coffee. Delicious looking coffee at that. And to think, this guy throws it all away for love. What a fool!
2) Thomas Jane pretending to be an investigator is first. He’s like, wait, are you super sure Jolie isn’t actually a murderer who took the place of your actual intended bride. And Banderas is like … wat? But he is ultimately convinced when the actual sister of his actual intended bride comes and is like “do I look like the sister of Angelina Jolie?” I didn’t think so. Whoops.
3) She runs off to the big city of Havana and is courting a new victim, a hapless (and married) colonel played by Gregory Itzen. And boy is his face red when Banderas shows up naked at Jolie door the next morning!
4) She is to poison him by putting rat poison in his coffee, and then Thomas Jane is supposed to come in and they’ll sack the place and bounce. He surmises it and then drinks the coffee anyways. Take that Jalie! Oh wait, now I’m dying.
5) She seduces the priest in the prison and he is just so smitten he takes her place like a goober. In the end she heads off to Morocco and guess who else is there? Banderas, who somehow was not killed by rat poison and seems fine. The end.
Bonus Answer: That’s right, it’s Banderas’ old business partner, and there is a problem. His old coffee plantation? Doomed by a mysterious plague. “Impossible!” says Banderas, but he refuses to say why. “Let it be!” decries Jolie, there is nothing there for us any longer. But alas, he returns to find that, indeed, his beautiful trees are dying. The beautiful trees! As the plantation struggles, so does Banderas, his health fading and failing. On his deathbed he reveals to Jolie that alas, it is true, once the trees die so does he. Long ago he wagered his soul to the devil in exchange for magic coffee beans to make him rich, but in exchange he would die the moment the final leaf from the last coffee tree fell. Devastated, Jolie runs to the tree and just as the leaf is about to fall weeps into the soil. A surging glow comes from the tree, and Satan’s own voice cries “Remember meeeeeeee.” Springing from his bed, Banderas is back, and ever bound by love the two lovers live happily ever after forever literally.
It’s called Original Sins, like Aliens, get it?
Bad Movie Twins 