Jamie and Patrick look over the bustling BMF HQ. With the help of Scott Bakula’s international name recognition they’re back and better than ever. Kyle comes up and hands them the latest article for the site: Yes We Manne-Can, The Best Mannequin Films of 2015-2025. It’s brilliant. “I’m just glad I can help out, considering that it was not long ago that I was running BMT and you were trying to figure out how to be good.” Jamie and Patrick laugh a little. “And to think,” Jamie says softly with a smirk, “it was here all along. Family is good.” They triple bro hug. Everything has been coming up Jamie and Patrick since they kicked Kevin James’ head clean off. “Patrick?” Jamie says thoughtfully, “do you ever wish we hadn’t kicked Kevin James’ head clean off?” You can see Patrick turn the question over in his head. A moment of clarity crosses his face as it finally dawns on him exactly what they did that fateful day. He opens his mouth, struggling to express the myriad of emotions he is feeling, “No. No I don’t.” Kyle and Jamie exhale in relief. They triple bro hug again and the whole company erupts in cheers at the beautiful expression of family love, which represents the majesty of Bad Movie Family. They cheers with cans of Bud Light. As Patrick takes a deep draught he is left with a glowing green beer-stache. “Woah, what’s that?” Kyle says and grabs at Patrick’s can. It’s filled with a thick green liquid. “Oh, yeah, it’s just a little thing I invented. I call it Ooze.” Kyle takes a drink and his eyes go wide. “It’s like Mountain Dew flavored Bud Light. It’s… amazing. What’s the secret?” Patrick eyes Jamie. Is he thinking what he’s thinking? That’s right! We are getting a blast from the past with the original Justice League, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Both The Secret of the Ooze and Turtles in Time qualify, but you better believe I’ll also be watching the original. TMNT4Life! Let’s go!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) – BMeTric: 32.3; Notability: 52
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.2%; Notability: top 2.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.8%; Higher BMeT: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Cool as Ice, Critters 3, Problem Child 2, Child’s Play 3, Suburban Commando, Nothing But Trouble, Return to the Blue Lagoon, Mannequin: On the Move, Kickboxer 2: The Road Back, Zandalee, King Ralph, Double Impact, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, Hudson Hawk, V.I. Warshawski, The Butcher’s Wife, House Party 2, Curly Sue, Ernest Scared Stupid, and 3 more; Higher Notability: Hook, Hudson Hawk, Mobsters, Flight of the Intruder, Switch, Rock-A-Doodle, Life Stinks; Lower RT: Return to the Blue Lagoon, Critters 3, The Super, Run, Cool as Ice, Another You, All I Want for Christmas, Problem Child 2, Mobsters, The Marrying Man, Strictly Business, Drop Dead Fred, Oscar, Nothing But Trouble, The Hitman, Mannequin: On the Move, Curly Sue, One Good Cop, Suburban Commando, Pure Luck, and 41 more; Notes: We are going to get to Hook, I promise you that. I have no idea what Mobsters is … played 14 times in the 90s. This played 45 times which is pretty decent. Rock-a-Doodle played a gaudy 56 times. Gives you an idea of that metric.
RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – I bent over backwards to be fair to the first movie about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was, I wrote, “probably the best possible Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie.” Now we have the sequel, subtitled “The Secret of the Ooze.” I may not get what I want, but I get what I deserve. … I liked the older superheroes better. The ones that stood out from a crowd, had their own opinions, were not afraid of ridicule, and symbolized a future of truth and justice. Spiderman and Superman represented democratic values. Today’s kids are learning from the Turtles that the world is a sinkhole of radioactive waste, that it’s more reassuring to huddle together in sewers than take your chances competing at street level, and that individuality is dangerous. Cowabunga.
(Haha, so righteous Ebert. Here’s the thing. TMNT was rad. Like the coolest shit in the world when I was what? Six years old. I had a birthday party at the candlepin bowling alley and got basically all of the toys. Wait … is that enough information to pinpoint my identity.)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al9jfY7zOBY/
(My god, this what … TV spot? The sound effects are off the chain. Them being clearly very resistant to showing the bad mutants is kind of charming. And yes, off course the Ninja Rap has to take center stage,)
Directors – Michael Pressman – ( Known For: The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; The Great Texas Dynamite Chase; Some Kind of Hero; Boulevard Nights; Those Lips, Those Eyes; Frankie and Johnny Are Married; Future BMT: Doctor Detroit; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Notes: )
Writers – Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird – ( Known For: The Lego Movie; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie; Heavy Metal 2000; Future BMT: TMNT; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: Clearly the TMNT comic book creators. Was a play off of Daredevil originally all the way down to their enemies being The Foot (instead of The Hand) and their master being Splinter instead of Stick. Both heroes were created from the same ooze spill in the comics as well.)
Todd W. Langen – (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Notes: Was a writer on the Wonder Years, and then wrote both of these films.)
Actors – Paige Turco – ( Known For: Invincible; Books of Blood; Urbania; The Pompatus of Love; Rhinoceros Eyes; The Favor; Dead Funny; Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: The Game Plan; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Notes: Was in 85 episodes of The 100 recently. She plays April, which is, indeed, the main character who actually is physically on screen at any point.)
David Warner – ( Known For: Titanic; Scream 2; The Man with Two Brains; Planet of the Apes; Tron; Mary Poppins Returns; The Omen; Time Bandits; In the Mouth of Madness; Straw Dogs; Black Death; Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country; Mortal Passions; Time After Time; Tom Jones; The French Lieutenant’s Woman; The Company of Wolves; Cross of Iron; The Concorde… Airport ’79; Necronomicon: Book of Dead; Future BMT: Money Talks; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; Wing Commander; Notes: Was nominated for two Emmys in late-70s/early-80s and won for Masada in 1981. He plays the scientist in this who creates the ooze. I hope he had a ball.)
Michelan Sisti – ( Known For: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; The Muppets; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Notes: Here is the only actual turtle to get into the top three credits. He plays Mikey. But like … in the suit, not the voice, which is hilarious. That was Robbie Rist.)
Budget/Gross – $25,000,000 / Domestic: $78,656,813 (Worldwide: $78,656,813)
(Absolutely solid. No wonder they thought “we need to take this on tour” and then make a few more movies, and make a tv show, etc. etc. etc. And now a new movie is coming out. I hope it is good.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (15/43): Not only is the movie’s juvenile dialogue unbearable for adults, but the turtles’ dopey and casual attitude towards physical violence makes them poor kids’ role models.
(Boooooooo. I don’t need this moralizing from my reviewers. Kids. Thought. This. Was. Rad. The end.)
NY Times Short Review: Now they meet Shredder’s new mutant monsters.
Poster – TMNT II: Check out Dis Ooze
(I enjoy a lot about this poster. Shadows are cool. Colors are bright. Could do with better font, but it looks like a painting, which is cool. Just one question… what is Michelangelo holding in his hands? Are those his nunchucks? B for the poster, F for drawing nunchucks.)
Tagline(s) – Back by bodacious demand. (C+)
(Hell yeah. I mean, no it’s not good, but I appreciate the unironic effort to be totally dope.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.6 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.6 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Grudge 2 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Marmaduke (2010), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), … (and many more)
Best Options (daddio): 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 46.3 Daddy Day Care (2003)
(So yeah, this is a bonus. Only the third one played on September 1st in the 90s. And obviously, because as I said, kids thought this was rad, it smashed the Kids’ Choice Awards.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Paige Turco is No. 1 billed in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze and No. 2 billed in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, which also stars Stuart Wilson (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 9 billed) => (1 + 2) + (3 + 9) = 15. If we were to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – In the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) film, the turtles facial expressions were cable operated with all the motors, servos etc housed in the shell. In this movie, thanks to a larger budget, the animatronics were much smaller and lighter and were built into the face itself.
Judith Hoag was not called in to reprise her role as April O’Neil after the director was unhappy when she derided the way they mistreated the stunt doubles and their unfair schedules changes. She stated at SuperCon Florida that she had no ill-will towards Paige Turco. Instead they met 17 years later and are now good friends. The directors found Paige Turco to resemble the character more, and found her chemistry with the Turtles to seem more sincere.
Ernie Reyes Jr. was Donatello’s fight double in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990). Producers liked Reyes so much, they created the role of Keno just for him to replace the ultra-violent Casey Jones.
The building used for the entrance to April’s apartment is the office to the New York location of Jim Henson’s Creature Shop.
Dedicated to the memory of Jim Henson.
Bad Movie Twins 