Show Dogs Recap

Jamie

Frank and Max boy are a odd police pairing. That’s because one is a human and the other is a *gulp* dog?! WHAAA?! That’s right, and they’re on the trail of a stolen panda straight into a super prestigious dog show. Can they steal the show and nab the bad guys before it’s too late? Fine out in… Show Dogs.

How?! Max is NYPD and Frank is FBI. But that’s not the only thing different about them. That’s because Max is a police dog who talks (kinda) and Frank is a human who can’t stand dogs. Gaaahhhh! So when they’re paired up to recover a stolen panda from an exclusive dog show they are like “No way.” But then they realize as they try to navigate a world foreign to both of them that they need each other to solve the case. They soon realize that the bad guys are targeting the Best in Show winner to sell on the black market (along with that panda) and know that they will need to win the big one to keep on the trail. By tricks and wily street smarts they are able to make it to the best in show competition, only to have the sexy female dog lead (and boy is she a sexy dog… which makes like three sexy dog films we’ve watched recently… bizarre) win instead. In a mad dash they track her and the bad guys to an airplane where they take them all out and win the day. THE END.

Why?! It’s more about finding love and acceptance in this world both professionally and personally, you know? For real, Max has spent his life as a macho but lonely police dog that doesn’t need a human “best friend’s” help. He’s a good cop in his own right, but ends up finding that teamwork makes the dream work (I just made that up, myself. A Jamie original). Frank seems more like a bozo that doesn’t like dogs but then finds that he does and also that he like the dog grooming lady… honestly his character is much more shallow than the dog characters. The bad guys just want some sweet cash.

Who?! Luda! That’s right, Ludacris is the voice of the titular show dag, Max. Another Singer-turned-actor, Jordin Sparks, is the sexy dog Daisy. Shaq plays a dog that actually makes a joke about being Shaq. Hilarious. There is also a Planchet-type dog that follows Max around voiced by Gabriel Iglesias who at this point seems to have become a voice actor… seriously, it’s pretty much every credit he’s had for the last few years.

What?! This is a walking, talking, (woofing?) advertisement for Las Vegas including a scene where people seem totally not confused by a couple of dogs out on a date ziplining around the city. How did they pay for that? Or was it some cruel joke played by some evil zipline employees on two unsuspecting (but surprisingly game) dogs?

Where?! As stated above this is not only very specifically set in Las Vegas but it inexplicably shares the exact same plot as the original Miss Congeniality (whose sequel was also set in Las Vegas). This film lives and breathes Vegas. I could give it an honorary A+ since Show Dogs is clearly a play on Showgirls and so it’s basically in the title. But it’s not, so it’s an A.

When?! Exact Date Alert!… kinda! This film is a rare case of messed up props indicating two distinct dates for when the film takes place. Signs can be seen around the dog show stating that it is taking place July 13-16. However at the end (immediately following the end of the show) the bad guy gets a mug shot which says he was arrested on September 18th, 2017. Are we to believe that he was arrested two months later while still showing fresh injuries from the tiger attack/plane crash/fist fight that happened on July 16th? I can only suspend my disbelief so much!!!! B.

Short version of the review: this film runs like someone is writing it in real time. There was moments where a dog would be like ‘I need your help.” and another dog would be like “you don’t have the passion for dog shows, so no.” and then the first dog would be like “come on! I need your help.” and the other dog would be like “you just might have what it takes.” I had to rewind these segments to make sure I didn’t miss something. I didn’t. Perhaps they just filmed a bunch of dogs and had people improvise on top of the footage for a while. So like a dog would walk somewhere and they would make up a reason why, but then it would walk back so they would reverse course and start something new. I’ve convinced myself. This is what happened (hint: this is probably not what happened). Anyway, this film looks like it was made as a parody trailer for part of a larger, funnier film and… basically that’s what the entire film ends up like. It’s trash for children. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! We watched Show Dogs. Yup … that’s right, we sat down, and we watched the film Show Dogs. It went through my eyes and bored deep into my brain pushing out precious memories, presumably of my friends and family. May God have mercy on my soul. Let’s get into it.

The Good – I like doggies. Doggies are often cute. And I’m sure these doggies had a ton of fun playing around with the other doggies and doing doggie things. I enjoy it when bad films are in Las Vegas because Las Vegas is a ludicrous place filled with ludicrous things and you can just imagine the entire production crew getting smashed every night and also having a ton of fun.

P’s View on the Preview – This is widely considered to be the worst film of the year (see below), and really the only thing of interest for me was about the talking dogs. Could the humans hear the dogs? The trailer made it actually rather unclear (surprisingly). How would the CGI look? How much would Will Arnett care about anything that is happening around him? All fascinating questions!

The Bad – The CGI often looked fine, but also on occasion looked terrible. The humans couldn’t hear the dogs, although the suggestion that the dogs had human level intelligence begged all sorts of other questions. Could they vote? Are they being kept as slaves of some kind? It made the ending very disturbing as the lady dog is basically almost sold into sex slavery. Speaking on that some more: sexy dog alert. Why?! Why do they do this to us? Why must there be romantic subplots in films about dogs or any animals at all? Honestly, I’m imploring them to stop this as soon as possible. Will Arnett was fine, even if he did have a very weird accent in the film and seemed very bored.

You Just Got Schooled – I might as well take the opportunity (again) to point out that this is a rare film that was edited while it was still in theaters. You see, they may have (just a bit, totally accidentally) used a child molestation grooming technique as a joke in the film. I’m not joking. Basically, one of the main barriers Max has to get past in the group stage (!) is to allow this to happen (despite his protests) by going to a zen place. Fun fact: that entire group stage scene must have been replaced with the agility contest, which is an incredibly misplaced and strange scene. That explains it. I bet the agility course was a separate “for fun” event they then recut into a part of the actual competition defying all sense and logic. Finally, the puzzle that is Show Dogs is clicking into place.

The BMT – A few years ago I think we hesitate on this one. I think now it definitely had to be done, and I think the more kids films I do the more I get the hang of the amusing tropes they have. Like sexy animals. Like … I think we’ve watched three films with sexy dogs this year. It is weird. Just … so weird.

Welcome to Earf – There are quite a few paths from this film. The easiest is via Shaquille O’Neal who played a sheepdog named Karma who was also in Grown Ups 2 with Adam Sandler, who was in Jack and Jill with Al Pacino, who was in 88 Minutes with Leelee Sobieski, who was in Here on Earth. Welcome to Earf!

StreetCreditReport.com – Here, here, and number one (!) here. I disagree with the assessment provided, I don’t think it the leading candidate for the Razzie. I think Fifty Shades Freed will get the nod as a kind of Return of the King special Oscar deal. Still, cred up the wazoo.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

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