Rich leans against the tree. He didn’t remember leaving the arcade and entering a dense forest, but it’s all good. His tree monster nanny goddess is here. “You must be Elvira. I’m Rich,” he says as he kisses her hand. “Pleasure,” she says and draws him deeper into the forest. Rich stumbles over a branch and Elvira catches him. “Just a Stumblebum Stanley,” they both say at the same time. “That’s my favorite saying,” again in unison. Elvira blushes. Rich rubs his neck, “I’m Stanley… I mean Rich,” He says and they both laugh. They soon find themselves discussing more of their favorite things: justice, love, kittens, and brown paper packages tied up in string. They attend a baseball game and end up on the kiss cam. They are driven apart by how different they are, but soon realize that those very differences are what make their love beautiful and they find themselves smooching in the rain. Suddenly Elvira is crying. Rich moves to wipe her tears away, “did I do something wrong?” he asks, but Elvira shakes her head. “Only made me love you,” she says, “which is why this is so hard.” While Rich wants to make a crude joke about exactly what else is hard, he doesn’t. Has he grown as a person? Is this… love? Elvira proceeds to tell Rich of Gruber’s dark plan to use her to deliver Rich and Poe into his clutches. “You must hate me,” she wails. But he can’t hate her. Never her. “Elvira, I’m just a boy, standing in front of an ancient tree monster nanny asking her to love him. I know our love is forbidden, but will you… will you make out with me… hard?” Gasping, with tears streaming down her face she whispers, “the hardest.” That’s right! We’re watching Jade. So out of the Friedkin pan and into the Friedkin as we go two in a row with the Exorcist director. This time it’s an erotic thriller (my personal favorite genre of BMT film) and apparently Siskel did not like this in the least. In fact he named it his least favorite film of 1995. Interestingly Ebert didn’t have it in his bottom five at all. His least favorite from that year was Mr. Payback… which I don’t think can be physically watched anymore… like literally I think that’s a lost film. Anyway, I’m just hoping we get some steamy action. Let’s go!
Jade (1995) – BMeTric: 45.1
(I feel like ten thousand votes is sooooooo low in this context. How isn’t the genre of 90s erotic thriller not a more attractive bad movie option … they are almost always hilarious.)
Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – While investigating the brutal murder of a wealthy San Franciscan, assistant D.A. Caruso realizes to his dismay that his old flame (Fiorentino, married to his good friend Palminteri) may be involved. Sordid mystery/thriller from the seedy pen of Joe Eszterhas; has its moments (including an exciting S.F. car chase) but never rises above the mire. Unrated video edition has 12m. additional footage.
(Two stars is … interesting. Also this description sounds a lot more tame than I expected. I was hoping for a little more information about the sex scenes. Are they sexy? Are they not sexy? Yeah I checked his review of Color of Night and that’s about the extent of the discussion of sex scenes, so I’m not sure what I was expecting really.)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yQ1L97C9FU/
(I have no idea what this film is about, but I’m excited. It look like a super erotic thriller. And by that I don’t mean super erotic, I mean a super “erotic thriller” and of the terribleness that genre implies.)
Directors – William Friedkin – (Known For: The Exorcist; The French Connection; Killer Joe; To Live and Die in L.A.; Cruising; Sorcerer; Bug; The Boys in the Band; Rampage; The Brink’s Job; Future BMT: Deal of the Century; The Hunted; Blue Chips; Rules of Engagement; BMT: Jade; The Guardian; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay for Cruising in 1981; Notes: Second Friedkin film in a row. Started in television directing an episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour.)
Writers – Joe Eszterhas (written by) – (Known For: Basic Instinct; Jagged Edge; F.I.S.T.; Music Box; Betrayed; Hearts of Fire; Telling Lies in America; Szabadság, szerelem; Future BMT: Showgirls; Sliver; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Nowhere to Run; Flashdance; BMT: Basic Instinct 2; Jade; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst New Star, and Worst Original Song for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn in 1999; Winner for Worst Screenplay for Showgirls in 1996; Winner for Worst New Star for Ringmaster in 1999; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 1984 for Flashdance; in 1994 for Sliver; and in 1996 for Jade; Notes: Famous for his erotic thrillers. He used to write for Rolling Stone before starting to write screenplays. Showgirls and Jade were released less than a month apart in 1995.)
Actors – David Caruso – (Known For: First Blood; Twins; An Officer and a Gentleman; King of New York; Session 9; Mad Dog and Glory; Kiss of Death; Future BMT: Proof of Life; Thief of Hearts; BMT: Jade; Hudson Hawk; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst New Star in 1996 for Jade, and Kiss of Death; Notes: Definitely most famous now for his starring role in CSI: Miami. Prior to that he was mostly notable for his part in NYPD Blue.)
Linda Fiorentino – (Known For: Men in Black; Dogma; After Hours; Vision Quest; The Last Seduction; What Planet Are You From?; Where the Money Is; The Moderns; Chain of Desire; Future BMT: Larger Than Life; Liberty Stands Still; Kicked in the Head; Unforgettable; Gotcha!; Ordinary Decent Criminal; Queens Logic; BMT: Jade; Notes: Apparently won her role in Men in Black in a poker game with Barry Sonnenfeld.)
Chazz Palminteri – (Known For: The Usual Suspects; A Bronx Tale; Legend; Stuart Little; Running Scared; A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints; The Last Dragon; Analyze This; Hoodwinked!; Jolene; Bullets Over Broadway; Underdogs; The Perez Family; Hurlyburly; Henry & Me; Yonkers Joe; The Dukes; Future BMT: In the Mix; Down to Earth; Diabolique; Arthur and the Invisibles; The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure; A Night at the Roxbury; Mulholland Falls; Innocent Blood; Noel; Oscar; Faithful; BMT: Little Man; Jade; Notes: Has two children who act. His son Dante Palminteri has actually been in quite a few things, most notably Sharknado 2.)
Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $9,851,610
(That looks like a disaster. I don’t think mid-90s erotic thrillers were expensive per se, but I also don’t think you are making them for like … $4 million, which is what would be what was required for this to be a success.)
#27 for the Thriller – Erotic genre
(The sweet spot for erotic thrillers was ‘92 to ‘96. It really seems like eventually everyone shrugged and was like “yeah that’s enough of that.” Recent examples include The Boy Next Door, but the best of them all I think was Color of Night. Can’t wait to see what the dying breath of the 90s boom looked like.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (4/29): An ostensible erotic thriller that’s largely neither erotic nor thrilling, Jade marks one of several unfortunate low points for aggressively sexual mid-’90s cinema.
(You see that’s what I’m looking for. Just tell me whether it is sexy. We all know most erotic thrillers aren’t, just say it. Reviewer Highlight: Writer Joe Eszterhas’s follow-up to his Showgirls fiasco is every bit as hopeless, and this time he takes some good actors down with him. – Bruce Diones, New Yorker)
Poster – Sexy Dangerous (A)
(I actually like this poster quite a bit. The framing is artistic, the color scheme is good, and the font is… different? Right? That ‘J’ is just a little too long (if you know what I mean), right? I’m not imagining it? It’s telling me a story and that story is sexy dangerous.)
Tagline(s) – Some fantasies go too far. (B-)
(Just not clever enough. The ‘J’ on the poster is more clever than this… it’s just a tad bit too long, right?…. RIGHT?!)
Keyword(s) – female full frontal nudity; Top Ten by BMeTric: 85.8 Piranha 3DD (2012); 73.6 Showgirls (1995); 66.1 The Canyons (2013); 65.7 Rape Me (2000); 62.5 9 Songs (2004); 61.7 Srpski film (2010); 57.7 Wild Orchid (1989); 55.3 Color of Night (1994); 54.9 Nurse 3D (2013); 54.5 The Informers (2008);
(Some of those aren’t happening. We’ve seen The Canyons (at least … I have, for the Razzies if I recall correctly). Showgirls I’ve also seen, but we need to rewatch it (for sure). And Wild Orchid kind of rounds things out. The rest are bigger question marks.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 24) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Caruso is No. 1 billed in Jade and No. 7 billed in Hudson Hawk, which also stars Bruce Willis (No. 1 billed) who is in The Whole Ten Yards (No. 1 billed), which also stars Natasha Henstridge (No. 4 billed) who is in Ghosts of Mars (No. 1 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 3 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 7 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 24. If we were to watch Unforgettable we can get the HoE Number down to 13.
Notes – According to Joe Eszterhas’s autobiography he hated the final film. Director William Friedkin changed Eszterhas’s script so much, he threatened to remove his name from the credits. Paramount settled with him by giving him a “blind script deal” worth two to four million dollars. Later, Friedkin admitted that he did virtually rewrite the script, but Friedkin also said that this film was his most favorite film he had ever made. (Probably made it better)
Linda Fiorentino initially turned down the script because she didn’t want to play a prostitute. She changed her mind when her character was changed through rewrites. (See, Friedkin’s work already working out)
Warren Beatty turned down the role of David Corelli. (That would have been fun)
David Caruso’s second starring role of 1995 after Kiss of Death (1995). Both pictures were box-office disasters. Ironically, Caruso had left the highly successful NYPD Blue (1993) to star in these films. (And then he became a CSI mega-star)
When O.J. Simpson’s Trial of the Century ended with a Not Guilty verdict, he stated to the press that he was going to see this movie. (Weird … oh yeah, he also saw Showgirls which was written by the same person, and came out like three weeks before)
Kenneth Branagh was the first choice for the part of Matt Gavin. (Whaaaaaaaaa?)
2nd film that Michael Biehn did with William Friedkin. The first was Rampage (1987). (Ebert loved that film)
Kevin Tighe who appears as district attorney Arnold “Cliff” Clifford in Jade was also in another 48 hrs when he played an internal affairs officer working with the DA looking at Nick Nolte’s character Jack Cates on a manslaughter charge which turns out to be a frame up. Both movies were composed by James Horner and set in San Francisco. (Cooooooool)
The rest of the notes just aggressively gave away the end of the film
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Joe Eszterhas, 1996)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (David Caruso, 1996)
Bad Movie Twins 