Supercross Preview

Jamie and Patrick stare wide eyes as they witness Young Jamie and Young Patrick approach the group of kids throwing their comic books to the side. They proceed to let the kids know that this is their turf and to “skedaddle tout de suite, daddio” (as all the kids were saying). For a moment it seems like things might actually turn out OK. “Aw, look, Young Patrick is letting that one kid know that he happens to have something on his shirt,” Jamie says hopefully. But psych! There wasn’t anything on his shirt at all! What a ruse! He quickly runs his finger up the kids shirt and flicks them right in the nose. “Oh no, we’re total dicks!” exclaims Jamie in despair and Patrick watches sadly as Young Jamie and Young Patrick gleefully predator high five in the wake of the fleeing kids. “What are we going to do?” shouts Jamie, grabbing Patrick by the shirt, “that poor child had nothing at all on his shirt! Nothing!” He’s now sobbing uncontrollably as he rends his clothes in anguish. “No wonder we would be mistaken for terrorists,” Jamie says, wiping his nose, “we basically already were terrorists. That poor kid just didn’t want to have anything on his shirt. And what did he get for checking? A finger flick in the nose.” Jamie curls into a ball, ready to die for his sins. “No!” shouts Patrick. “I don’t accept that we are little assholes,” he says resolutely. “B-but what are we going to do?” Jamie sniffles sadly. Patrick looks around and his gaze alights on a couple of rad dirtbikes. “Time to take these kids downtown and show them what it’s like.” With that, Jamie and Patrick hop onto the dirtbikes and zoom down the hill. That’s right! It feels like it’s been a while since we saw a true blue sports film. Enter Supercross, the supercross film that took the country by storm. It gave the people what they wanted: less than 90 minutes of sweet, sweet supercross action. Let’s go!

Supercross (2005) – BMeTric: 46.5; Notability: 23

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.6%; Notability: top 30.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.0%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, A Sound of Thunder, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, Stealth, Cursed, Doom, Dirty Love, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, An American Haunting, and 14 more; Higher Notability: The Island, Fantastic Four, Kingdom of Heaven, Bewitched, Domino, Be Cool, Fun with Dick and Jane, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, The Great Raid, Son of the Mask, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, The Ring Two, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Rumor Has It…, and 56 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos; Notes: Really fun plot, a rare one which was released at the perfect time for the archive to get it all the way from zero votes and when IMDb itself was much less popular as a platform. The RT score is obviously the bit bit of cred here. And we’ve only seen two of the five worse ones, embarrassing for us.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Also known as Supercross the Movie (for those who need things spelled out), this film presents a thin plot about two disparate brothers who are suddenly thrust into the world of hyper-competitive uber-bike championships after the mysterious death of their father. One of the boys is sponsored, which allowed plenty of opportunity to hawk everything from motor oil to tires. Product placement never had it so good. A lame-brained ESPN program passing for a movie.

(Product. Placement. Never. Had. It. So. Good. … That’s a lot to live up to Leonard, you best not be joshing me. And disparate brothers? Uber-bike championships? A mysterious death of a father these disparate brothers loves (oh boy do I hope one of them had a complicated relationship with him!). I’m very very excited.)

Trailer –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4p16x6zEsc

(Uh … what the hell is this? HOLY SHIT, I’m already in love with this nonsense. Are all of these people like … actual motocross people? I sure hope so, because that would be some hilarious acting.)

DirectorsSteve Boyum – ( Future BMT: Meet the Deedles; BMT: Supercross; Notes: An interesting cross of being a stunt coordinator and then, later, a pretty major television director. He directed eight episodes of Lethal Weapon, and nine of Supernatural among many others. He is, in fact, a motor-cross racer.)

WritersKen Solarz – ( Known For: City of Industry; BMT: Supercross; Notes: Mostly writes for television. Most recently he wrote fourteen episodes of the new Hawaii Five-0. He produces with Wild Child Productions.)

Bart Baker – ( Known For: Live Wire; BMT: Supercross; Notes: He mostly wrote television movies. He also is maybe a writer as a film called Honeymoon with Harry is coming out where he is credited with writing the novel.)

Keith Alan Bernstein – ( BMT: Supercross; Notes: Literally nothing about this person. I bet he is an amateur motor-cross racer who penned a script that was then handed over to screenwriters.)

ActorsSteve Howey – ( Known For: Stuber; Game Over, Man!; DOA: Dead or Alive; Stan Helsing; In Your Eyes; See You in Valhalla; Wrong Cops; Conception; Making Babies; Unleashed; Losing Control; BMT: Something Borrowed; Bride Wars; Supercross; Notes: Was in over one hundred episodes of Shameless, and way back when over a hundred episodes of Reba.)

Mike Vogel – ( Known For: The Help; Cloverfield; Blue Valentine; She’s Out of My League; The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants; Secret Obsession; Battle of the Sexes; Havoc; The Case for Christ; The Boy; Across the Hall; The Deaths of Ian Stone; McCanick; Caffeine; Open Graves; Jake Squared; Heaven’s Rain; Future BMT: What’s Your Number?; BMT: Fantasy Island; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Poseidon; Rumor Has It…; Grind; Supercross; Notes: Y’all know Mike Vogel. Oh, maybe you don’t. He starred in Grind. He’s done a decent number of television shows over the years (like Under the Dome) and still gets bit parts in things (he was a dancer in Battle of the Sexes).)

Sophia Bush – ( Known For: Incredibles 2; Marshall; False Positive; Acts of Violence; Chalet Girl; Hard Luck Love Song; Table for Three; The Narrows; Future BMT: Van Wilder; John Tucker Must Die; The Hitcher; Stay Alive; BMT: Supercross; Notes: Was in over eighty episodes of Chicago P.D. She was briefly married to Chad Michael Murray, and apparently is an avid beekeeper.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $3,102,550 (Worldwide: $3,344,431)

(Holy cow, that is horrendous. There is no way this cost $30 million. I bet they are piling in all of the sponsorships they got for all this and not really accounting for the fact that 90% of the production was completely paid for before anything was shot. Still horrendous.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 5% (4/74): While it showcases some cool stunts, Supercross feels like an infomercial for its titular sport, with undeveloped characters and a shopworn plot.

(I mean … yeah, that’s what the trailer looks like. I think this used to be more common in the 80s. I feel like there used to be skiing movies that would just be like “skiing is fun … also here are some shootouts on the slopes to keep you entertained, but also look at these vistas.”)

Reviewer Highlight: A brand-encrusted infomercial. – Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Dirtbike Dudes Deluxe

(This poster is aggressive. I feel like it’s telling me I better like supercross or else I’m pretty much donzo. I love the font and like that they really went for it in the framing. The color scheme is god awful. Look at that white background and rest is basically sepia? Hurting my eyes. C+)

Tagline(s) – Fear nothing. Risk everything. (B)

(Alright, a little generic but I’m picking up what they are putting down. I think if they just added a third part that added a little supercross flair to the whole thing I might have really dug it.)

Keyword(s) – extreme-sport

Top 10: Mid90s (2018), Along Came Polly (2004), Blue Crush (2002), Lords of Dogtown (2005), Whip It (2009), Rad (1986), North Hollywood (2021), Chasing Mavericks (2012), Rollerball (2002), Orange County (2002)

Future BMT: 33.7 Along Came Polly (2004), 7.0 Chasing Mavericks (2012)

BMT: Rollerball (2002), Supercross (2005)

Matches: Rollerball (2002)

(Love it. The plot is a bit lame, but still fun to look at the last (real) one left in Chasing Mavericks. A Gerard Butler film we’ve inexplicably not seen? Yes please.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Mike Vogel is No. 2 billed in Supercross and No. 3 billed in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which also stars Jessica Biel (No. 1 billed) who is in New Year’s Eve (No. 4 billed) which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 1 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Blade: Trinity, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – The “450 Nami” bikes, ridden by K.C and Rowdy, are in fact just dressed up Honda 450’s. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

The exterior shots of the Team Nami building are actually the Kawasaki Motorcycle Headquarters formerly located in Irvine, California. They did not, however, have a private test track next to the property.

Alana Austin also starred in the DCOM Motorcrossed.

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