Oh man, so get this. I was on my normal Spring retreat with my FBI serial killer profiler buddies, when I was guzzling some drugged coffee and fell asleep. I don’t remember a thing now! Do you remember what happened in Mindhunters?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film we see two of our profilers enter a super creepy house. How do they know this is the house they are looking for, and why do they go in without backup?
2) LL Cool J is a detective who is going to observe the exercise on the island. Where does he work and why is he going along?
3) What is the MO of the fictional (?) killer The Puppeteer? And how does Christian Slater die?
4) There are a few more deaths. How did they occur? As many as you can.
5) It gets a bit confusing now, but who was the killer and why?
Bonus Question: In a mid-credits tease for a sequel we see Sara Moore back home recovering from her ordeals when she receives a call. From whom?
1) They are forced to go in without backup because they hear a scream. The victims are in imminent danger! How do they know it is their guy? Because the car was recently painted and license plates changed. Buh buh buh. That’s all they needed to know, this crazy creepy house is definitely the place!
2) LL Cool J works in the Philadelphia PD and he is their resident profiler. He convinced his higher ups that it would be beneficial to observe how Val Kilmer operates … but wait a minute, that’s all a lie! He actually is involved with the Department of Justice and they are investigating Val Kilmer’s teaching methods as potentially dangerous.
3) Well you are meant to think he strings people up as puppets because he is … The Puppetmaster! But it seems like he’s more of a booby trap and actually kill people type of killer. And Slater ends up standing in front of a giant helium tank that falls over, bust open, and flash freezes him until he literally shatters. Gross.
4) Well the next one was after they all got drugged by coffee when the English guy got his head totally chopped off. The next trap is an electricity/water trap, but the real trap was when you tried to turn off the water it would shoot arrows at you. Nicole, who famously quit smoking, is killed by a poison acid cigarette. Hackers guy is shot by LL Cool J in the street (or is he?). And the paralyzed guy gets his face blown off using a sabotaged bullet clip for his gun.
5) It was Johnny Lee Miller. It looks very much like it was LL Cool J for a bit, but then it is revealed Miller survived. He did it because … well he’s a psycho. He killed his parents and no one caught him. And he got addicted to killing people. And ultimately he needed to join the FBI to find the best prey. Not joking.
Bonus Answer: Is that Val Kilmer … er I mean, Jake Harris’ music?! That’s right, our very dead FBI profiler may not be so dead after all. Say what?! Calling up LL Cool J they decide to convene at Quantico, off hours. The news is swirling with a storm warning as they enter the mostly empty FBI headquarters, and prepare to trace any further calls from Jake’s ghost. Like clockwork (get it?) the call comes in, they trace it, and … say double WHAT?! The call is coming from within the building! Furthermore as the storm strengthens Quantico becomes isolated. Revealing himself as a serial killer called The Weatherman, he wants to play a game with the profilers who killed his partner in crime (Johnny Lee Miller). Whoa, that rare-in-everything-but-Alex-Cross-novels-double-serial-killer! They’ll race against the weather this time to try and save their FBI bros against the machinations of a serial killer who uses and manipulates weather catastrophes to cause death and mayhem!
Whoa, sounds pretty cool. Like a Mindhunters and Hard Rain. That’s what I’ll call it actually. Mindhunters 2: Hard Rain. Nailed it.