Oh wow, so get this. My girlfriend of five years is preggers (oh no! Wait … no, that isn’t the right reaction, hooray!), and guess what that means? That’s right, I fainted in a hilarious fashion. But it also means I bopped my head and now can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Nine Months?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The movie stars Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore and they have an idyllic life. What are their respective jobs?
2) Ruh-roh, Julianne Moore is pregnant! And woe is Hugh Grant because he’s going to have to give up everything he loves! What are the two main things that aren’t “baby safe” that must be cut from his life, much to his chagrin?
3) Welp, Hugh really screwed the pooch now! He’s being kicked out of the house by his (former?) fiance Julianne. Why?
4) Oh I forgot about Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack. They have like a million kids. But what is the one thing Tom Arnold is hoping for with the next one?
5) In the end Hugh is racing to the hospital. Who, ultimately, ends up at the hospital with them?
Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene we’re a year in the future and the little baby boy is growing up. But Julianne has another thing to announce. What is it?
1) Hugh Grant is shown to be a well-established and successful psychoanalyst of some kind. And Julianne Moore is a ballet instructor, and seems to be smashing it with the little kids.
2) The two main things are (1) he brand new red convertible which he loves ever so much and can’t imagine giving up for a (gulp) mini-van, and (2) he ancient methuselah of a cat, because cats can have parasites which are bad for pregnant women and that means (?) they are just dumping this 20-year-old cat? I’m on Hugh’s side on that one, there is a solution that doesn’t involve getting rid of the cat.
3) He forgot the appointment! Classic. He was playing tennis with Jeff Goldblum and it really just slipped his mind, but really we know this is just the last straw from a series of a hundred different inconsiderate things Hugh has done.
4) He wants a boy! He has a bunch of daughters and just has this feeling he is going to finally get that boy … spoiler, he does not.
5) So first, at the restaurant where Julianne Moore’s water breaks, Hugh Grant breaks a glass and the hostess manages to cut herself on it as well, so she is riding along to the hospital as well. Then because Hugh is in a rush he almost hits an old couple, which results in the elderly gentleman having a heart attack (so they come along). And finally, Hugh actually does hit a biker and breaks his leg, so finally the biker is coming along too. It truly is a comedy of errors.
Bonus Answer: Hey, dummy. You remember what movie you are watching? Of course she is announcing that she is pregnant again. And this time? Twins! Oh boy, is Hugh’s face red. But he’s a dad now, time to buckle down and go to Lamaze class and … what’s this? Dr. Kosevich’s wife is also having a child and now he wants to be Hugh’s best friend and do all the American baby related stuff?! Oh woe is Hugh indeed! It is needless to say that they are quite an odd couple because of how much of a fish out of water Dr. Kosevich is. Hugh just can’t stand him! So much that he decides to ghost him, not realizing that Dr. Kosevich has (whoops) kind of suggested that Hugh might just be his immigration sponsor. Hugh hears through the grapevine that Dr. Kosevich is in trouble, but no, he doesn’t have anything to do with this person. It’s not like they are best friends right? Right? WRONG. They are best friends, and Hugh (being an immigrant himself) puts it all on the line to get Dr. Kosevich out of the jam. Hooray! In the end the twins are delivered safely, and it turns out Dr. Kosevich actually was having triplets (he is a terrible obstetrician right?). What a guy!
It would have been called Ten Months obviously, and in the middle of the film Dr. Kosevich explains that actually babies gestate for more like 10 months, and everyone cheers.