Oh man, so get this. I was robbing the Money Train (natch), but then my plan blew up in my face, I crashed yada yada yada. Regardless, I now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Money Train?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) John and Charlie explain a few times that they are, in fact, brothers. But what is the whole story?
2) Why does Charlie owe a club owner a bunch of money, and how much? Also what happens to the original payment he received from John?
3) Why are John and Charlie fired (as ludicrous as it seems)?
4) What is the original heist plan?
5) How does it go wrong, and how do they ultimately get outta that jam?
Bonus Question: Years later Charlie is happily retired in Brooklyn, when he receives a knock at his door. Who is it?
1) So Charlie was a street urchin and was going to steal something from John’s family’s house. Instead of turning him in though, John’s family took him in and raised them as their own. So they are adopted brothers.
2) Well Charlie has a bit of a gambling problem. We see some of it, but his problem, it turns out, is to the tune of fifteen thousand dollars! Whoops. But don’t worry, because John and J-Lo couldn’t resist their love for each other (which John knew would break Charlie’s heart) John gives him the $15K … problem is it gets stolen on the subway by a little old lady. Double whoops!
3) So there is a B-plot of the film which involves an arsonist called Torch. Torch sprays ticket agents with flammable liquid and then threatens to burn them alive if they don’t give him money. John and Charlie chase Torch during a sting. During this Charlie is drunk and wreaks havoc near Central Park by shooting his gun and almost getting some kids killed by a runaway horse. Ultimately while they track Torch down into the subway, they shoot him, and their boss uses the shooting as an opportunity to fire both John and Charlie … the people who just saved the city from a terrorist. Whatever.
4) Basically, Charlie will go into the subway and lie down on the tracks at one of the stops dressed in black. When the car stops above him, he’ll use a welding torch to cut the bolts on a panel on the bottom, enter the car while the guards are out retrieving the money (and standing just outside the doors), and drive the car away. He’ll then drive the car to a service ladder obscured in Central Park, climb out with the money, and walk out of the park like nothing happened.
5) Basically the issue is that when he gets to the ladder he peaks out and there are some park cops kind of nearby. Knowing the transit police are about to be on top of him he drives the car away without a plan. John eventually catches up with Charlie and tries to stop him, but ultimately relents and helps him. First, they disable the braking system so it can’t be tripped, then they speed up so they can’t stop them with barricades easily. Finally, when the transit cops try and slow them down with another care they jerry-rig it so that when it collides with the car ahead the money train will flip over and at that moment they’ll jump to safety. Naturally it works, and ultimately they sneak out by pretending they just got there to help.
Bonus Answer: Oh man, it’s his niece Charli, what a delight … well it would be if she wasn’t upset about being roped into a heist! Some bad dudes realized that with the new fangled electronic payment system in the NYC subway system, that if you could get a man in the room it was ripe for an encryption scam. You encrypt the entire system, threaten to hold the entire subway payment system hostage, and get some bitcoin and bounce to El Salvador. It is obviously a flawless plan. The issue obviously is getting that man in the room … but then they hear Charli’s uncle happened to be an ex-transit officer in good standing. Perfect. Little do they know that Charlie has been thinking of this for years, and freelancing with the subway system to prevent this exact scenario. Well, now it is time to turn the tables. They’re going to have to break into the room, plant the Da Vinci virus, and get out before anyways knows they are there. And oh yeah … they just might be looking to turn the tables on the gang at the same time. This July 4th, I hope you’ve saved your subway tokens, because the system is going to go … offline.
Money Train 2: Offline is the title, and I’m here for this. Make it a television series. I’m in.