Jamie and Patrick sit in their cell. Having kicked Kevin James’ head clean off it’s not a surprise they were arrested, but they are still in a bit of shock. “Looks like you’ll be going to jail for a looong time. Hoooo weeeee,” the jailor at the Smith County Jail whistles in delight, “You kicked his head clean off. Boy oh boy, what I wouldn’t give to see that again.” Just as he begins to reminisce he hears a call from the other room. Turns out there was extensive footage from the event taken from cell phone cameras and security footage. It’s already been edited into a 30 minute short film available online and is an early front runner for Best Documentary Short. He rushes into the other room to relive the greatest moment of his life. Jamie and Patrick sigh. Just then the Smith County judge walks in. “Bad Movie Twins,” he scowls, “you kicked a man’s head clean off and I think you know that you deserve to be in jail for a looong time.” Everyone in the room nods. “In fact, if I had it my way,” he continues, “you’d get the ‘lectric chair.” Again, everyone kind of agrees. Kevin James was a national treasure. “But,” he unexpectedly continues, “there is a little known precedent set in fair use law that states that while parody is protected under the first amendment, kicking the head clean off of the person doing the parody is, in itself, a parody… and so it is protected under the law.” With that he frees Jamie and Patrick, much to the delight of the crowd. A female police officer rushes up to Jamie. “Marry me!” she screams and Jamie shrugs. Sure, why not? A celebrity wedding appears to be what the people want. That’s right! We are watching the JLo classic, The Wedding Planner. Who can even remember anyone else in it. JLo! Let’s go!
The Wedding Planner (2001) – BMeTric: 57.2; Notability: 47
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.0%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.3%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Valentine, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Bubble Boy, Scary Movie 2, Swordfish, 15 Minutes, The One, The Affair of the Necklace, Town & Country, I Am Sam, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Don’t Say a Word, Texas Rangers, and 13 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Head Over Heels, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take, and 14 more; Notes: Aw hell yeah, it isn’t every day we can hit up a high profile early 2000s bad movie classic. And guess what? The Animal? It’s on the docket. Although that one I’ve seen … like 4 times. I saw it in theaters.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Jennifer Lopez looks soulfully into the eyes of Matthew McConaughey, but is he looking back? One of the many problems of “The Wedding Planner” is that we can’t tell and don’t much care. When a plot depends on two people falling in love when they absolutely should not, we have to be able to believe at some level that they have been swept up by a destiny beyond their control. McConaughey seems less inflamed by his sudden new romance than resigned to it.
(Hahahahahaha, hell yeah. That sounds hilarious. Like, a romcom where everyone kind of sucks?)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PN6Hx1sQA/
(They do a good job making them not seem like horrible people in a way. But man … J-Lo is distracting. Don’t worry, I get very deep into it in the recap. Some people would argue too deep. Way too deep.)
Directors – Adam Shankman – ( Known For: Hairspray; Disenchanted; Rock of Ages; What Men Want; Future BMT: Bedtime Stories; BMT: A Walk to Remember; The Pacifier; The Wedding Planner; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Bringing Down the House; Notes: He was nominated for two Emmys, both for organizing the 2010 Academy Awards ceremony.)
Writers – Pamela Falk – ( Known For: An Invisible Sign; BMT: The Wedding Planner; Notes: Those are her only credits, and there isn’t any other info on her online.)
Michael Ellis – ( BMT: The Wedding Planner; Notes: The only other thing in either of their profiles is an untitled Falk/Ellis project, so I assume there are writing partners in some capacity.)
Actors – Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: The Mother; Shotgun Wedding; Hustlers; The Cell; Marry Me; Home; Out of Sight; Parker; Selena; U Turn; Second Act; Jersey Girl; Antz; Shall We Dance; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Bordertown; Lila & Eve; Blood and Wine; El cantante; Future BMT: Enough; Maid in Manhattan; Monster-in-Law; Jack; Ice Age: Continental Drift; Ice Age: Collision Course; Angel Eyes; The Back-up Plan; Feel the Noise; BMT: The Boy Next Door; The Wedding Planner; Anaconda; Gigli; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Money Train; Notes: Man we have a ton to go. Nominated for an Emmy for the Superbowl Halftime show. Originally I wanted to do this film because I was convinced it was the subject of one really old episode of a podcast I missed … turned out that was Maid in Manhattan.)
Matthew McConaughey – ( Known For: Interstellar; The Wolf of Wall Street; The Gentlemen; Dazed and Confused; Sing 2; A Time to Kill; Tropic Thunder; Contact; Sing; Magic Mike; Dallas Buyers Club; How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days; We Are Marshall; Mud; The Lincoln Lawyer; Frailty; Reign of Fire; White Boy Rick; Killer Joe; Amistad; Future BMT: Angels in the Outfield; The Dark Tower; Sahara; Two for the Money; Paparazzi; My Boyfriend’s Back; Larger Than Life; BMT: The Wedding Planner; Tiptoes; Fool’s Gold; Failure to Launch; Serenity; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Notes: Won an Oscar for Dallas Buyers Club. Famously from Houston. At one point he was rumored to be running for governor of Texas in 2022, but he didn’t.)
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras – ( Known For: Billy Madison; Higher Learning; Nixon; Shopgirl; Buying the Cow; The Real Blonde; The Suburbans; Unhook the Stars; Phantom Punch; Nevada; Starstruck; Future BMT: Last Action Hero; House on Haunted Hill; Beautiful; Just Visiting; Love Stinks; BMT: Mortal Kombat; I Know What You Did Last Summer; The Wedding Planner; Extreme Ops; Notes: As you can tell by her name she married Pete Sampras, best tennis player of all time (or so we thought in like 2004 …). They have two children, the first of which should be out of college, and appears to be a model.)
Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $60,400,856 (Worldwide: $94,728,529)
(That’s kind of okay. Not anything spectacular at the time, but fine for a romantic comedy I would think.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (18/106): Instead of being light and charming, this romantic comedy is heavy-handed and contrived in its execution. Also, it’s too unoriginal.
(I would think all romantic comedies are unoriginal in their own way. The most successful ones always seem to be remakes.)
Reviewer Highlight: Title character falls for handsome client. Star charisma almost makes it work.
Poster – xXx: The Wedding Xander
(Woof. And I mean, woof! That is everything bad in poster making. I usually refrain from saying this, because I’m an untalented fool. But… I could make a better poster for The Wedding Planner. F… I actually do think this is an F. It’s like a child made it.)
Tagline(s) – A romantic comedy about love, destiny and other events you just can’t plan for. (F)
(Is it done yet? Have they finished the tagline? Everything about that poster is a horror show.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.6 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005), Zookeeper (2011), The Sweetest Thing (2002), Truth or Dare (2018), Jupiter Ascending (2015), Grown Ups 2 (2013), License to Wed (2007), The Wedding Planner (2001), Tom & Jerry (2021), Point Break (2015), After (2019), Batman Forever (1995), Congo (1995), House of Wax (2005), Down to You (2000), Bride Wars (2009), The Ring Two (2005), Killers (2010), The Tuxedo (2002), I Love You, Beth Cooper (2009), The Hustle (2019), Vampire Academy (2014), Bulletproof Monk (2003), Baywatch (2017), … (and many more)
Best Options (Romance): 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 61.9 Obsessed (2009), 57.5 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 57.2 The Wedding Planner (2001), 55.3 The Back-up Plan (2010), 54.8 Honey (2003), 53.1 Aloha (2015), 52.6 Just My Luck (2006), 52.1 Loser (2000), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 51.0 Little Fockers (2010), 49.9 Just Married (2003), 49.4 Monster-in-Law (2005), 48.1 Stomp the Yard (2007), 47.0 On the Line (2001), 46.7 You, Me and Dupree (2006), 46.5 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002), 45.5 I Feel Pretty (2018), 43.3 John Tucker Must Die (2006), 43.2 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (2003), 40.7 Mr. Deeds (2002), 40.6 The Break-Up (2006), 38.0 Whatever It Takes (2000), 37.7 Think Like a Man Too (2014), 36.5 A Cinderella Story (2004), 33.8 The Other Woman (2014), 33.8 Along Came Polly (2004), 33.3 Peeples (2013), 33.2 The Last Song (2010), 31.3 My Life in Ruins (2009), 31.2 Overboard (2018), 28.3 Chasing Liberty (2004), 26.9 Step Up 2: The Streets (2008), 24.8 Meet the Fockers (2004), 24.5 Dear John (2010), 21.9 The Ugly Truth (2009), 21.6 The Giver (2014), 21.5 The Lucky One (2012), 20.9 Charlie St. Cloud (2010), 19.1 Life as We Know It (2010), 16.9 The Beach (2000), 14.9 Grumpier Old Men (1995), 12.7 The Vow (2012), 9.3 P.S. I Love You (2007), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015), 7.8 Remember Me (2010)
(That’s pretty good … wait, why didn’t we do Maid in Manhattan!? That’s the one I wanted to do anyways. I guess I just didn’t realize both qualified or something.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Lopez is No. 1 billed in The Wedding Planner and No. 2 billed in Gigli, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 11. If we were to watch Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 10.
Notes – Jennifer Love Hewitt was developing a separate film with the same premise for her to star in but was forced to cancel the project when this film was released.
Bree Turner, who plays the bride needing comforting by Jennifer Lopez at the beginning of the movie, also opened another wedding movie, as a bridesmaid in the opening title sequence performance in My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997). Fan theories claim it was her playing the same character, still unlucky in love.
Franny’s Mother, played by Joanna Gleason, sings very badly in the movie and is asked numerous times by her daughter not to sing. In fact, Gleason has a very good singing voice and has appeared in several Broadway musicals, including “Into the Woods” for which she won the 1988 Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical.
Brendan Fraser was set to play the role of Dr. Steve/Eddie, but scheduling conflicts with filming the movie Bedazzled (2000) prevented him.
Sarah Michelle Gellar was originally set to star, but had to drop out because of scheduling conflicts from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997).
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress of the Decade (Jennifer Lopez)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Jennifer Lopez)
Bad Movie Twins 