Bones (2001) Preview

LePumice pushes the cart full of acid washed denim toward the main gates of the stadium. Sweat is beading on his forehead and he whispers quietly to the hidden Jamie and Patrick, “You guys sure this is going to work?” Patrick assures him that it will. They know PaJama ParTy’s biggest weakness was their shopaholism. “We were what the kids call ‘clothes horses.’ We had to have a metric ton of denim freshly acid washed for every show,” Patrick recalls fondly. As they get closer they hear a gruff voice. “You there, stop, what do you think you’re doing?” LePumice looks on the verge of bolting but stands his ground. A security guard looks suspiciously at the crate of denim. “Aren’t you going to take this other crate, too? Or are you just gonna leave it for me?” The guard points at another nearby crate. Phew. “Wait a second,” the guard says, suspicion aglow once again in his eyes, “This is a mighty large amount of freshly acid washed denim for just one show, isn’t it? They usually only need half this much.” Patrick and Jamie hold their breath in anticipation. What will LePumice come up with? “Right… uh, but it’s pretty steamy out here tonight so they are anticipating they’ll be sweating through double the number of jorts.” They let out a collective breath. Clever. And indeed the guard dabs his head and agrees that they don’t make jorts like they used to. Once inside LePumice hurries to the nearby wardrobe room before his legs give out. Patrick leaps out of the crate, but before he reaches the door Jamie stops him. “Wait, something… something is off,” he thinks for a moment, “I don’t know what it is, but something is different. I can feel it in my bones.” That’s right! We are watching Bones! (“What’s that?” all our loyal readers say at once) You don’t know what that is? Why it’s the cult classic Snoop Dogg horror film from the early 2000s… … … you know what it really doesn’t matter. We’re watching it anyway. Let’s go!

Bones (2001) – BMeTric: 56.5; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 28.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.0%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal, Impostor, Ghosts of Mars, Not Another Teen Movie, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, 15 Minutes, The One, Town & Country, The Affair of the Necklace, Scary Movie 2, I Am Sam, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, Perfume, Texas Rangers, Joe Dirt, and 52 more; Lower RT: Nobody’s Baby, Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, The Musketeer, Perfume, Double Take, Valentine, and 35 more; Notes: Actually a really solid BMeTric and Notability for a film I basically never heard of. Probably a testament to the BMeTric where you can find sub-5.0 films with <10K votes and it registers so high. Just saying.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Tow young suburban brothers (in both senses) buy a dilapidated ghetto brownstone in hopes of turning it into a trendy nightspot … but their entrepreneur father is panicked about the house’s sinister history and his own participation in the 1979 slaying of its original owner (Dogg), who’s now a ghost. If grossness makes you giggle, this speedy junk has a few grotesque jolts, plus the sight of still-shapely Grier to keep your own dad’s heart beating adequately.

(“Who’s now a ghost”? I’m in. Just such a funny line. If you remove just that bit you would never know that Snoop Dogg is even really in the film, it would just sound like an odd murder mystery or true crime thriller or something.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z8Srxaoi48/

(Oh boy, the style of this film is something else. It also is mind blowing that this trailer from 2001 is in 4:3 format. It is an interesting haunted house idea, feels like they were trying to go for Candyman but just went a bit cheap.)

DirectorsErnest R. Dickerson – ( Known For: Juice; Double Play; Ambushed; Blind Faith; Future BMT: Surviving the Game; Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight; BMT: Bulletproof; Bones; Never Die Alone; Notes: A frequent Cinematographer for Spike Lee, he was the first African-American member of the American Society of Cinematographers.)

WritersAdam Simon – ( Known For: Books of Blood; Brain Dead; Carnosaur; BMT: The Haunting in Connecticut; Bones; Notes: In writing Shadowman which is about a possessed Jazz musician based on a Valiant Comics character, which is kind of cool.)

Tim Metcalfe – ( Known For: Revenge of the Nerds; Kalifornia; Fright Night Part 2; Higher Ground; Three for the Road; Killer: A Journal of Murder; Iron Maze; Future BMT: Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise; Million Dollar Mystery; BMT: The Haunting in Connecticut; Bones; Notes: Most of his credits have to do with writing the original Revenge of the Nerds film. He evidently because Simon’s writing partner later on, and hasn’t written anything since 2011.)

ActorsSnoop Dogg – ( Known For: Training Day; Pitch Perfect 2; The Addams Family; The Beach Bum; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Starsky & Hutch; Baby Boy; The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run; Dolemite Is My Name; Turbo; Future World; Trouble; Arthur et la vengeance de Maltazard; The Big Bang; Mac & Devin Go to High School; Pauly Shore Is Dead; Hood of Horror; Ride; Falling Up; Singh Is King; Future BMT: The Addams Family 2; Half Baked; Malibu’s Most Wanted; Arthur and the Invisibles; Soul Plane; Racing Stripes; Meet the Blacks; The Wash; I Got the Hook Up; Caught Up; BMT: Scary Movie V; Bones; Notes: Y’all know Snoop Dogg. Killed it at the Superbowl this year and notably (and briefly) changed his name to Snoop Lion at one point.)

Pam Grier – ( Known For: Jackie Brown; Mars Attacks!; The Vindicator; Escape from L.A.; Holy Smoke; The Man with the Iron Fists; Foxy Brown; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; Above the Law; Something Wicked This Way Comes; Coffy; Beyond the Valley of the Dolls; The Package; Class of 1999; The Big Bird Cage; The Arena; The Big Doll House; ‘Sheba, Baby’; Just Wright; Women in Cages; Future BMT: Jawbreaker; Snow Day; Larry Crowne; Poms; Posse; The Allnighter; In Too Deep; BMT: Ghosts of Mars; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Bones; Notes: Was a major blaxploitation actress of the 70s, and then famously starred in Jackie Brown a homage to that era. Was diagnosed with cancer in 1988, but survived.)

Michael T. Weiss – ( Known For: Ordinary People; Freeway; Jeffrey; Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby; Confessions of an Action Star; Until the Night; Iowa; Net Worth; BMT: Sex and the City 2; Bones; Notes: Mostly does voice work these days and apparently is a personal trainer to other actors as well.)

Budget/Gross – $16,000,000 / Domestic: $7,316,658 (Worldwide: $8,378,853)

(Disastrous, but I’m also highly skeptical of that budget. It seems unlikely they forked over $15 million+ for a haunted house film starring notable non-actor Snoop Dogg.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (18/71): Slow to start, the sleek looking Bones is more silly than scary.

(At least it is sleek looking though. That seems somewhat promising.)

Reviewer Highlight: A garish, grotesque slab of silliness drowned in bloody visual effects overkill with an end result that is more horrible than horrific. – Michael Rechtshaffen, Hollywood Reporter

Poster – Boners

(I dig it. I think the only odd thing about it is that they treat Snoop Dogg like he’s a) the star of the film and b) the equivalent of Kevin Costner in star power. But the color is nice, the font is cool and sure, Snoop Dogg is the draw here. B+)

Tagline(s) – This Halloween, unleash the Dogg. (C+)

(I guess a play on unleash the hounds. That’s a phrase, right? Or is it release the hounds? I’m not sure it matters because this is a weird tagline. Short and going for something, but not good.)

Keyword(s) – blaxploitation

Top 10: Django Unchained (2012), Black Panther (2018), Jackie Brown (1997), Candyman (2021), Boyz n the Hood (1991), Black and Blue (2019), Straight Outta Compton (2015), Black Snake Moan (2006), The Last Dragon (1985), The First Purge (2018)

Future BMT: 48.5 Pootie Tang (2001), 42.6 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (2003), 37.8 Action Jackson (1988), 29.1 Waist Deep (2006), 25.3 Breakin’ (1984)

BMT: Shaft (2019), Alex Cross (2012), Proud Mary (2018), Steel (1997), Bones (2001), Never Die Alone (2004)

Matches: Dolemite Is My Name (2019), I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (1988), The Hebrew Hammer (2003), Naked Acts (1996), Willa Mae, the Church Lady Vampire Slayer (2009)

(Interesting that it pretty much died after the mid-90s right after on of the better examples of blaxploitation homage in Jackie Brown. Alex Cross isn’t blaxploitation though, so I’m also a bit skeptical of the keyword in general.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Pam Grier is No. 2 billed in Bones and No. 5 billed in Ghosts of Mars, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 3 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (3 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – This was the first time where Snoop Dogg and Pam Grier collaborated together on film – they have done music videos since 1993.

Snoop Dogg and Pam Grier play lovers who are supposed to be the same age. In reality, Grier was born in 1949 and Snoop Dogg was born in 1971 (a 22-year age difference).

Ernest Dickerson’s original cut was structured more like a classical horror movie. The movie was meant to be slow build but the studio wanted a more modern approach.

Now and Then Preview

Dear Diary, it’s me, Poe. Boy, oh boy have I done it this time. I met a girl… and then I met another girl! Egad! And they’re both demon robots. Classic Poe. One is a sultry minx, while the other is a nerd, but they’re both just a couple of robots just trying to learn about love. I’m doing my best to help them understand, but through all the beeps and boops and general shenanigans it’s hard to keep my head on straight! (Let alone their heads on straight… because they’re robots and their heads keep on popping off their robot bodies). Not only do they not understand the concept of love, but they are made of razor sharp metal that is tearing me apart like hooks in my flesh. Gee, it’s hard being in love, Diary, and I sure could use some advice. Everything used to be so simple back when Rich and I were just a couple of whippersnappers hanging around with those rapscallions Ernie and Jellyroll. Love was just what we whispered about under the stars on one of our classic fishing trips, you know?… wait! You do know! Because I wrote in my diary back then too! That’s where I’ll find all the answers to my problems! Thanks diary, you’re the best. XOXO, Poe. And with that Poe hastily pulls out his diary from 7th grade. He blows the dust off the cover and shushes Rich who’s just being an asshole who doesn’t want him to find love with his demon robot girlfriends. Probably jealous like a jealous lame-o (nice). He cracks the page to August 12th, the year 2000. It was a sweltering night in Rabideaux, Louisiana and the bullfrogs were a-croakin’, the fireflies were a-lightin’, and young Poe… was in love. That’s right! We’re watching Now and Then as part of the neverending chain using Demi Moore to jump from Blame it on Rio (ugh) to this coming-of-age story about four girls and the summer of 1970, where they cemented their eternal bond of friendship. This is legit a cult classic and is considered by fans to be the female answer to Stand by Me, so we’ll have to keep that perspective in mind. Let’s go!

Now and Then (1995) – BMeTric: 11.0; Notability: 36 

(That is an incredibly high rating! Wait … is this a real deal cult classic? Do young women watch this film now and love it? Oh wait, yeah they do! On a recent Big Picture podcast on The Ringer Amanda Dobbins specifically mentions this as a film she loves! Huh, now I’m pretty excited to see what it’s got.)

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – What distinguished “Stand by Me” was the psychological soundness of the story: We could believe it and care about it. “Now and Then” is made of artificial bits and pieces. The director, Lesli Linka Glatter, says in the press notes that she started crying when she first read the script “because it captured that delicate evolution from girlhood to womanhood, and you so rarely find that.” I guess she didn’t see “Man in the Moon,” which has so much more truth and tenderness that it exposes “Now and Then” for what it is, a gimmicky sitcom.

(Looks like I have a You Just Got Schooled film … yeah I wish it was Stand by Me, but I’ve seen that a bunch of times. Man in the Moon with a young Reese Witherspoon? Yes please. This is a classic Ebert review as well which boils down to “it should have been so much more. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQLVzTtt2Ws/

(Huh, the child actors don’t seem super great (even though they are, for the most part, a who’s who of female child actors at the time), but man does this seem emotional. I guess I have to prepare myself for the emotional wringer.)

Directors – Lesli Linka Glatter – (Future BMT: The Proposition; BMT: Now and Then; Notes: Mostly directed television, even back in the day where she directed four episodes of Twin Peaks. Got her start through the American Film Institute’s Directing Workshop for Women.)

Writers – I. Marlene King (written by) – (Future BMT: Just My Luck; Senior Trip; BMT: Now and Then; Notes: The creator of Pretty Little Liars. She even directed six episodes of the show.)

Actors – Christina Ricci – (Known For: Sleepy Hollow; Monster; Casper; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Addams Family; Black Snake Moan; Addams Family Values; Speed Racer; Small Soldiers; Buffalo ’66; Mermaids; Penelope; The Ice Storm; The Hard Way; The Opposite of Sex; Anything Else; Bastard Out of Carolina; Pecker; Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain; All Over the Guy; Future BMT: Cursed; The Smurfs 2; Bel Ami; Distorted; That Darn Cat; Home of the Brave; Mothers and Daughters; 200 Cigarettes; New York, I Love You; The Man Who Cried; Pumpkin; Prozac Nation; I Love Your Work; All’s Faire in Love; The Hero of Color City; Desert Blue; I Woke Up Early the Day I Died; BMT: Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Bless the Child; Alpha and Omega; Now and Then; Notes: Her career was a lot longer than I thought, a full two decades. She was a child actress, acting in The Addams Family when she was 11 years old.)

Demi Moore – (Known For: St. Elmo’s Fire; A Few Good Men; Ghost; Mr. Brooks; Margin Call; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; The Hunchback of Notre Dame; Rough Night; G.I. Jane; Disclosure; Forsaken; One Crazy Summer; The Joneses; About Last Night…; Bobby; Deconstructing Harry; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; Love Sonia; We’re No Angels; Flawless; Future BMT: LOL; The Juror; Parasite; The Butcher’s Wife; Indecent Proposal; Corporate Animals; The Seventh Sign; Very Good Girls; Half Light; Bunraku; Young Doctors in Love; Passion of Mind; Wild Oats; Blind; Happy Tears; BMT: Striptease; Nothing But Trouble; The Scarlet Letter; Blame It on Rio; Now and Then; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 1997 for Striptease, and The Juror; and in 1998 for G.I. Jane; Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Striptease in 1997; Nominee for Worst Actress in 1992 for Nothing But Trouble, and The Butcher’s Wife; in 1994 for Indecent Proposal; in 1996 for The Scarlet Letter; and in 2001 for Passion of Mind; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for The Scarlet Letter in 1996; Notes: Married the musician Freddy Moore when she was 17 (he was 29) after living with him for 5 months after meeting him at the Troubadour in L.A. and insisting that he divorce his wife … this story is insane!)

Rosie O’Donnell – (Known For: Sleepless in Seattle; A League of Their Own; Tarzan; Pitch Perfect 2; Beautiful Girls; Harriet the Spy; A Very Brady Sequel; Wide Awake; I’ll Do Anything; The Twilight of the Golds; Future BMT: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; The Flintstones; Exit to Eden; Another Stakeout; Fatal Instinct; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Now and Then; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress in 1995 for Car 54, Where Are You?, Exit to Eden, and The Flintstones; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Exit to Eden in 1995; Notes: For about six years she had a huge afternoon talk show recording 1,200 episodes. She basically had Ellen before Ellen. Donald Trump hates her, although it is a bit unclear why at this point.)

Budget/Gross – $12 million / Domestic: $27,112,329 (Worldwide: $37,591,674)

(That ain’t so bad. Why didn’t we ever get Now and Then … and Now! That’s the title of the sequel in my mind, complete with exclamation point. But for real, that isn’t a bad take for a cheap film, but I guess in the age of Stand by Me there were larger expectations.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (6/19)

(I get to make a consensus, which is actually really easy: The adult actors and storyline are completely pointless to the story being told. Reviewer Highlight: Now and Then is successful, but only now and then. – USA Today)

Poster – Stand By Me 2: The Rise of Dear Johnny

(That’s a lot of words. I think we all know where I stand with excessive wordage on my posters as well as a white background. I do appreciate the artistic effort for this one, but it’s basically the only thing its got going for it. C-.)

Tagline(s) – In every woman there is the girl she left behind. (C+)

(I do like the sentiment and how it’s really telling me a story. A little clunky and not really all that clever, but still serviceable for this film.)

Keyword – 1970s

Top 10: Pulp Fiction (1994), Catch Me If You Can (2002), Forrest Gump (1994), Almost Famous (2000), Watchmen (2009), Bohemian Rhapsody (2018), Rush (2013), BlacKkKlansman (2018), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Grown Ups (2010)

Future BMT: 69.3 Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013), 68.8 Black Christmas (2006), 59.1 The Cave (2005), 58.7 Apollo 18 (2011), 55.4 Bones (2001), 53.8 The Quiet Ones (2014), 50.6 My Girl 2 (1994), 41.2 Big Bully (1996), 40.2 End of Days (1999), 39.8 The Kitchen (2019);

BMT: X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Grown Ups (2010), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017), Dreamcatcher (2003), Jobs (2013)

(… Sometimes I forget we still have Texas Chainsaw films to watch. Also insane that there is another cave-based horror film to watch in The Cave! Man, this is a great list. I don’t see a pattern in the graphic, just people like setting things in the 70s in generals.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Christina Ricci is No. 1 billed in Now and Then and No. 2 billed in Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, which also stars Nick Swardson (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 6 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 2 + 1 + 6 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 18. If we were to watch Cursed, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Pearl Harbor we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – In the scene where Chrissy punches Roberta in the face for pretending to drown, Christina Ricci forgot to turn her head and ended up getting punched in the face full force. The production was shut down few days due to Christina being badly bruised.

The little girl who plays Samantha’s sister, Angela, is Demi Moore’s real life daughter, Rumer Willis. (Cool)

Rosie O’Donnell has stated that the character of Roberta was supposed to be a lesbian, but the film was later re-edited and she was made straight. The line, ‘Roberta lives in sin with her boyfriend” was looped in at the last minute. (Oooof, not a good look)

This is one of two movies released in 1995 in which Christina Ricci is the love interest of Devon Sawa. The other one is Casper (1995), in which he played Casper in human form. (Whaaaaaaaaa)

The movie (aka “The Gaslight Addition”) was actually written about a town in Indiana named Winchester, and its gaslight addition. The author of the story I. Marlene King grew up there, as did the director Robert Wise, in vastly different years. Winchester declined to have their name associated with the movie, so the name became Shelby, but later Winchester began to preserve areas mentioned in the movie. (I find this note hard to parse, but I guess there is a town mentioned in this film which was supposed to be a real town called Winchester. That real town didn’t want to be associated with the film, so they changed it.)

Kirsten Dunst was offered the role of ‘Chrissy’ but refused to gain weight for the role. She stated, “It wasn’t worth ruining my figure.” (Hmmmmmm)

The original name of the movie was going to be “The Gaslight Addition”.

The drive-in movie that Teeny is watching before she and Sam try out the treehouse is Love Story (1970). (Good to know)

In the movie they are singing the Tony Orlando hit song Knock 3 Times while on their way to do research at the library. The song was actually not released until November 1970 and therefore would not have been possible to listen to in the summer of 1970, when the story takes place. (Ha! That’s pretty funny.)

The film takes place in 1970 and 1991.

Every time the girls are playing truth or dare, they always choose truth.