Just when I thought my war was over, the reel me back it. After getting hit in the head like fifty times though … I can’t quite remember what happened to me in Rambo III. Do you?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) What is Rambo doing in Thailand when Trautman finds him?
2) What was Trautman’s mission in Afghanistan that he tries and recruit Rambo to. Good thing Rambo decided not to go, because if he had who would have single-handedly saved his ass?
3) Why are the freedom fighters resistant to help Rambo? What is, ultimately, Rambo’s plan?
4) Well that didn’t work out well AT ALL. But Rambo has to go back! We have to go back! But first he should probably deal with the gaping wound in his side. And how does he do that?
5) Well, that got crazy real quickly. This time how did John Rambo dispatch with the Russian general?
1) He is stick-fighting in Bangkok by day, and sleeping and helping out at a monastery by … well other days I guess. The last thing he wants to hear about is Afghanistan, but oh … he’s going to hear about it.
2) He was to interface with local freedom fighters fighting against the invading Russian forces. Specifically he was going to arm them with Stinger missiles to help take down Russian aircraft.
3) They are reluctant because they have lost too many people to help in an all out offensive. And even with a scaled down offensive they know the Russians will come and destroy the camp as retaliation. Rambo’s plan is to take two people to help him get through the minefield surrounding the camp and assist in the escape. But we all know he’s going through that sewer. Chekov’s Sewer.
4) It’s become a classic in the intervening years. He gets some gunpowder out of a bullet, literally pours it through his through-and-through wound, and lights it on fire! Complete with fire shooting out of both holes, John Rambo is ready to scale a literal cliff moments later.
5) After getting injured about seventy times he hopped into a tank and literally rammed it into the extremely low-flying helicopter which was, for some reason, personally piloted by the administrator of all Russian forces in Afghanistan … whatever.
Oh yeah I yet again sustained about forty blows to the head. I probably have CTE now, and my quality of life is going to be substantially worse going forward … welp, you win some you lose some.