Jamie and Patrick sit dejected in their tuxedos. Stallone just left, having thanked them profusely for winning him an Oscar for the 6-hour double feature release of Rich and Po3: Dark Web 3D/Daylight. ‘The irony!’ the critics exclaimed about the film. ‘A classic send-up of Hollywood excess!’ they raved. Sigh. Can’t anyone make something bad anymore? But Patrick isn’t so easily discouraged. “Time to put our big boy cable-knit sweaters on and get back to it. What should the fourth film be called?” But Jamie isn’t hearing it and rips off the sleeves of his tuxedo. “It’s time to take matters into our own hands and enter the tournament of champions ourselves. I know we can win. Look at these big ol’ muscles.” But Patrick insists that they need to find Rich and Poe. Nic Cage was very clear. “Humph,” sighs Jamie, “write it then. But I’m going back.” With that he reaches for the power in Patrick and *blink* he’s gone. Patrick tries to follow, but the power within him doesn’t work that way. He sighs and settles down to write. Hours later, and only a few words typed, he hears a knock at the door. Opening it, two police officers greet him. “Bad Movie Twins? I’m Detective Lost and this is my partner Found. May we come in?” They look vaguely familiar to Patrick. That’s right! We’re watching Lost & Found starring the one and only David Spade. I didn’t even really know that this film existed until I was searching for a poorly reviewed Martin Sheen film and this seemed to fit the bill. And lest you get concerned that it wasn’t a real movie it got released to 2500 theaters and still has the 46th worst opening for a wide release film of all time. Probably because it was released at the same time as The Matrix… otherwise I’m sure it would have made mad bank.
Meanwhile, Jamie is back in the wasteland of the BMTverse. Better start his walk to New Angeles. In the distance a plume of dust rises and a bunch of rollerbladers approach. “Finally,” Jamie thinks, “some people a rad as I am instead of that dumb Patrick and his dumb scripts. Maybe they can help me find this tournament.” But as they approach they seem to morph into one dark figure… and the air around Jamie turns cold. That’s right! We’re watching the Joe Estevez vehicle Soultaker. We picked this mostly because it actually stars Estevez, rather than just featuring him, and seemed ridiculous, without us realizing it was a MST3K film from season 10. Apparently a well regarded episode, so something to watch in conjunction with the film.
Lost & Found (1999) – BMeTric: 41.8
(Pretty stable. Seems like a genuine bad film, which everyone agrees is bad, and it only doesn’t cross the 50 mark because no one bothers to watch it. Just wait for the Bad Movie Twins bump!)
Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars – Spade plots to win his beautiful new neighbor’s affections while they search for her missing dog – which he has kidnapped. Crude, offensive, unoriginal, often painful to watch; only redeeming feature is the engaging Marceau. Fundamental error: her “slimy” ex-boyfriend is more likeable than the leading man. Spade also takes credit as cowriter.
(Judging by the preview I find it hard to believe the boyfriend is more likeable. Crude and offensive is better than boring and unfunny. As a matter of fact, Maltin doesn’t really say it isn’t funny. It probably isn’t, but that is maybe a promising sign.)
(That music! That voiceover! I remember the “you couldn’t raise my shorts with a crane” joke … otherwise I literally don’t remember anything about this film. Looks dumb.)
Directors – Jeff Pollack – (Known For: Above the Rim; Future BMT: Booty Call; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: I think he was a music video director, and then ended up producing and writing Fresh Prince. His directorial efforts all seem somewhat out of nowhere to be honest.)
Writers – J.B. Cook (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Not much about him, except he then went on to write / produce mostly cartoons including Kind of the Hill.)
Marc Meeks (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Almost all of his credits are for Location Management, which he now does for Netflix. If I were to guess I think he was likely in the general Sandler / Happy Madison production team, but never really got credits. He did other management stuff, and then got hired on in a more official capacity at Netflix after Sandler’s deal. Again, entirely a guess.)
David Spade (written by) – (Future BMT: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Joe Dirt; BMT: Lost & Found; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: Became famous alongside Chris Farley and Adam Sandler on SNL in the early 90s. Ended up starring in a series of buddy comedies with Farley prior to his death.)
Actors – David Spade – (Known For: Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; The Emperor’s New Groove; Hotel Transylvania; Reality Bites; Tommy Boy; Hotel Transylvania 2; A Very Brady Sequel; Politically Correct Party Animals; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; The Rugrats Movie; Light Sleeper; Future BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Coneheads; Loser; Sandy Wexler; Racing Stripes; Father of the Year; The Do-Over; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag; Joe Dirt; Senseless; Black Sheep; Entourage; BMT: Jack and Jill; The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; The Benchwarmers; Lost & Found; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: His older brother was the husband of the designer Kate Spade who passed away in 2018.)
Sophie Marceau – (Known For: Braveheart; The World Is Not Enough; A Midsummer Night’s Dream; Al di là delle nuvole; Female Agents; Un bonheur n’arrive jamais seul; Firelight; Future BMT: Ne te retourne pas; Anna Karenina; BMT: Lost & Found; Alex & Emma; Notes: A very famous French Actress she’s been attached, but never married to a series of equally famous French directors / producers / actors including Christopher Lambert for 7 years.)
Ever Carradine – (Known For: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; Dead & Breakfast; Future BMT: My Boss’s Daughter; Bubble Boy; Foxfire; Safelight; Constellation; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Daughter of Robert Carradine and married to Coby Brown who is a film composer.)
Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $6,552,255
(Absolutely brutal. A top fifty worst wide openings ever, plausibly because they thought it could perform like There’s Something About Mary … but it didn’t.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (7/52): Aside from a few laughs, everything else is entirely predictable, including the jokes.
(Predictable and not funny … great. Reviewer Highlight: A rancid little nothing of a movie! – Stephen Holden, New York Times)
Poster – Sklog-st & Found (F)
(Oh boy… I’m trying to imagine seeing that in a theater. It’s like an anti-advertisement. Look at all that empty space? And no color scheme. And terrible font. And not even clear it’s telling me anything about the film. It’s simply awful.)
Tagline(s) – A comedy about a guy who would do anything to get the girl of his dreams – and did! (F)
One of these dogs must be Spade. (either an A+ or an F)
(The first is stupid and a bit embarrassing. The second is one that I’ll hold close to my heart for all eternity. It’s off the chains in both a supremely terrible and kinda good way. It’s like the BMT of taglines. So bad that it’s great.)
Keyword(s) – dognapping; Top Ten by BMeTric: 64.4 102 Dalmatians (2000); 46.4 Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017); 45.8 Beethoven (1992); 43.5 101 Dalmatians (1996); 41.8 Lost & Found (I) (1999); 33.3 Good Boy! (2003); 28.4 Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996); 21.2 Our Idiot Brother (2011); 16.9 Wrong (I) (2012); 14.8 Ingrid Goes West (2017);
(Wowza, likely our first dognapping film I guess. Those top four qualify from a quality perspective, although it is a bit unclear if Once Upon a Time in Venice was actually released to theaters. I don’t think it was.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Spade is No. 1 billed in Lost & Found and No. 4 billed in Grown Ups, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 15. If we were to watch Senseless, and Wicker Park we can get the HoE Number down to 14.
Notes – The part of Wally Slack was originally written for Chris Farley. After his death, it went to Artie Lange. (Makes sense)