Days of Thunder Preview

With Patrick back at the apartment blazing the k’board on some dynamic AI features for their FMV video game, Jamie is off to the Super Dope Toys factory for a little R&D on the big Rich & Poe toy give away. On his guided tour through the surreal factory he gazes about with a childlike sense of wonder. There’s Eldric the Elephant, his favorite toy as a child! And the dastardly Dr. Cybotronic, with his stethoscope that shoots laser beams! Novelty farts! Novelty darts! Novelty darts shaped like farts! In his glee he finds himself separated from the group and lost in what seems like a never ending maze. Suddenly a door appears before him marked ‘Top Secret.’ Jamie hesitates, but eventually concludes that nobody likes a secret. Secrets are for sharing. But when he opens the door he only sees a dumb ol’ tank of water far below at the bottom of the room. A chill runs down his spine as he hears the door close behind him. Now trapped, the walkway he is standing on begins to slowly lower into the water. An alarm sounds and Jamie becomes acutely aware that he’s not alone. There is something in the water… something big. A periscope emerges and, being a submarine expert, Jamie recognizes the sounds of tubes flooding. That submarine is ready to strike and here he is without a single depth charge. Thinking quickly he jumps on the jetski conveniently waiting nearby. But this ain’t time for any old jetski action, Jamie knows it time to kick it up a notch. “Let’s do the dew,” he says, popping a can of refreshing Mountain Dew into the jetski’s gas tank, “cause I got the need, the need for speed.” And with that he roars away. That’s right! Close enough, cause this week we’re doing an actually good movie that somehow got bad reviews. That would be Days of Thunder starring the always in need of speed Tom Cruise. We didn’t choose it for its bad reviews as it’s admittedly pretty close to not qualifying. We chose it for its killer soundtrack including Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee which hit #1 on the UK charts (oh, and also a video game too). Let’s go!

Days of Thunder (1990) – BMeTric: 29.8; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.6%; Notability: top 3.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 31.1% Higher BMeT: Rocky V, Ghost Dad, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Wings of the Apache, 3 Men and a Little Lady, RoboCop 2, Navy Seals, Ernest Goes to Jail, Desperate Hours, Another 48 Hrs., Hard to Kill, Air America, The Rookie, The Guardian, Bird on a Wire; Higher Notability: RoboCop 2, Predator 2; Lower RT: Ghost Dad, Spaced Invaders, Wings of the Apache, Meet the Applegates, Where the Heart Is, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Heart Condition, Ernest Goes to Jail, Opportunity Knocks, Air America, Everybody Wins, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Brain Dead, Too Much Sun, Graffiti Bridge, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Navy Seals, Short Time, Stella, Another 48 Hrs. and 26 more; Notes: Low 6’s is exactly what I would have expected for a film like this for IMDb. The Notability is something else though, wow. We’ve been smashing some 50+ Notabilities in this cycle (I guess that’s why they get movie tie-ins). Seems to genuinely have been the biggest non-sequel by that metric in 1990 which is incredible.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Kidman has little to do as the love interest and doesn’t make much of an impression. And Cruise is so efficiently packaged in this product that he plays the same role as a saint in a Mexican village’s holy day procession: It’s not what he does that makes him so special; it’s the way he manifests everybody’s faith in him.

(This is a really weird review, and at the same time probably explains how people actually saw Tom Cruise at the time. He was a bonafide movie star. And if not that quite yet, he was one in the making. An action star, but versatile enough that you’ll believe him in Cocktail, and someone people might have seen as a young, I don’t know … Paul Newman? This would be the last BMT film for Cruise for basically a decade, he’d effectively star in A Few Good Men and then only good films until the 2000s.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPXL4_eZ4-M/

(Reminds me of Youngblood. I just hope he has a montage scene where he’s hitting a sack of straw on a farm or something to build up his muscles. That reminds me … we should watch Youngblood.)

Directors – Tony Scott – (Known For: Top Gun; Beverly Hills Cop II; True Romance; Enemy of the State; Unstoppable; Spy Game; Deja Vu; Crimson Tide; The Hunger; The Last Boy Scout; The Taking of Pelham 123; Future BMT: Domino; The Fan; Revenge; Man on Fire; BMT: Days of Thunder; Notes: Brother of Ridley Scott. During the 2000s he worked in television, and won two Emmys for his television movies and miniseries (The Gathering Storm, and Gettysburg). Committed suicide in 2012, apparently after a lengthy battle with cancer and poor prognosis.)

Writers – Robert Towne (story & screenplay) – (Known For: Mission: Impossible; Chinatown; The Firm; Mission: Impossible II; Bonnie and Clyde; Frantic; The Two Jakes; The Parallax View; Shampoo; Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes; Tequila Sunrise; The Missouri Breaks; The Last Detail; Orca; Heaven Can Wait; Ask the Dust; 8 Million Ways to Die; The Yakuza; Personal Best; Cisco Pike; Future BMT: Deal of the Century; Love Affair; BMT: Days of Thunder; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Mission: Impossible in 1997; Notes: Nominated for four Oscars (won for Chinatown). His career started writing and acting in Roger Corman films.)

Tom Cruise (story) – (BMT: Days of Thunder; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor for The Mummy in 2018; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; and Nominee for Worst Actor in 1989 for Cocktail; and in 2006 for War of the Worlds; Notes: This is one of two projects on IMDb for which Cruise is listed as a writer. The other? The upcoming SpaceX project which he has an illustrious “idea” credit. Crazy that Cruise never really felt the need to write films for himself like Stallone and others.)

Actors – Tom Cruise – (Known For: The Outsiders; Top Gun; Tropic Thunder; Mission: Impossible – Fallout; Eyes Wide Shut; A Few Good Men; Rain Man; Collateral; Edge of Tomorrow; Oblivion; Mission: Impossible; Jack Reacher; Minority Report; War of the Worlds; The Last Samurai; Magnolia; Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol; Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation; Jerry Maguire; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; Lions for Lambs; Legend; BMT: The Mummy; Endless Love; Cocktail; Days of Thunder; Vanilla Sky; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor for The Mummy in 2018; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; and Nominee for Worst Actor in 1989 for Cocktail; and in 2006 for War of the Worlds; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars (Magnolia, Born on the Fourth of July, Jerry Maguire). Famously he is extremely high up in Scientology, was married to Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes.)

Nicole Kidman – (Known For: Aquaman; Bombshell; Eyes Wide Shut; Moulin Rouge!; The Killing of a Sacred Deer; Lion; Destroyer; The Golden Compass; The Prom; Panic Room; The Others; The Upside; Cold Mountain; Australia; The Hours; Dogville; The Beguiled; Stoker; Paddington; Happy Feet; Future BMT: Bewitched; The Stepford Wives; Nine; The Invasion; Billy Bathgate; Practical Magic; Secret in Their Eyes; Before I Go to Sleep; The Goldfinch; BMT: Batman Forever; Trespass; Days of Thunder; Just Go with It; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Bewitched in 2006; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Just Go with It in 2012; Notes: Born in Hawaii, but notably Australian. Nominated for four Oscars (won for The Hours). Has done a lot of television recently including Top of the Lake, Big Little Lies, and The Undoing.)

Robert Duvall – (Known For: The Godfather; Apocalypse Now; The Godfather: Part II; Jack Reacher; Widows; Falling Down; The Chase; The Conversation; The Judge; To Kill a Mockingbird; Deep Impact; Secondhand Lions; The Road; Sling Blade; M.A.S.H.; Bullitt; Network; Invasion of the Body Snatchers; The Handmaid’s Tale; Open Range; Future BMT: Four Christmases; Something to Talk About; Lucky You; John Q; Newsies; BMT: The Scarlet Letter; Days of Thunder; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Gods and Generals; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for The Scarlet Letter in 1996; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Newsies in 1993; Notes: When just starting out he lived with Dustin Hoffman and was good friends with Jack Nicholson. Was nominated for 7 Oscars, and won for Tender Mercies.)

Budget/Gross – $55 million / Domestic: $82,670,733 (Worldwide: $157,920,733)

(That actually doesn’t seem so bad. I always say this, but I assume they were going for something more like Top Gun in the end which made nearly $200 million domestically. Not that that means there would have been a sequel or anything … although given Top Gun 2 is coming out, maybe we can get Days of Thunder 2 with Cole Trickle as the team owner or something.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (25/65): Days of Thunder has Tom Cruise and plenty of flash going for it, but they aren’t enough to compensate for the stock plot, two-dimensional characters, and poorly written dialogue.

(Yeah, so “stock plot” is basically the moral of every single bad review of this film. I think the critics genuinely got offended that the plot is basically identical to Top Gun (just swap jets for cars). Reviewer Highlight: This is the kind of monstrously overgrown commercial movie that depends entirely on the microscopic pleasures of having one`s most routine expectations fulfilled. – Dave Kehr, Chicago Tribune.)

Poster – Days of Funder

(Yes. Into it. One note: could we perhaps make Tom Cruise’s face bigger? No? It’s literally the biggest face of all time? Got it. Still like the artistry. Obviously the font is dope (and I say that unironically). Tells me this is all about speed. I’m good to go. A.)

Tagline(s) – You can’t outrun the thunder. (B-)

(I don’t know what this actually means, but it’s amazing. Basically the movie is telling you that you can’t help but watch it because it’s so fun and awesome. No matter how hard you try to run away from watching Days of Thunder you will fail. Bump it up cause it sounds good, but like… this is nonsense.)

Keyword – racing

Top 10: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006), Le Mans ’66 (2019), Ready Player One (2018), The Social Network (2010), Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Cars 3 (2017), Speed Racer (2008), Days of Thunder (1990), Planes (2013)

Future BMT: 46.2 Smokey and the Bandit Ride Again (1980), 40.9 Planes (2013);

BMT: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Days of Thunder (1990)

(Nothing super interesting since the keyword seems pretty sparse. At the very least a bunch are missing (the Cannonball Runs come to mind). But it is a good idea to keep Smokey and the Bandit in mind going forward.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Nicole Kidman is No. 3 billed in Days of Thunder and No. 2 billed in Trespass, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 3 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 5 + 1 = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Dr. Jerry Punch revealed that Tom Cruise approved Nicole Kidman to be his love interest in the film after it was suggested that Cruise see her performance in “Dead Calm (1989),” after a recommendation by Dr. Punch to director Tony Scott.

Production began without a finished script. Scenes were often written the day of filming. During one driving sequence, Tom Cruise actually had to read his lines off cue cards attached to his windshield, which resulted in a minor car accident. For subsequent driving sequences, Cruise was fitted with a special earpiece to have lines fed to him.

Some footage for the movie was shot during the 1990 Daytona 500. Two additional cars, driven by Bobby Hamilton and Tommy Ellis, were added to the rear of the field for the express purpose of shooting them for this film. They were not officially scored, and left the racetrack after one hundred miles (forty laps) were completed. At one point in the race, leader Dale Earnhardt even lapped the movie cars. (That is some insane shit)

Real-life Hendrick Motorsports pit crew member Mike Slattery served as an extra for Cole’s crew. After hearing what the stuntmen’s pay would be, he asked for the opportunity to do some of the stunts. However, when he saw how close the car came to the stuntmen, he changed his mind saying, “They can have it!”

The movie was conceived by Tom Cruise when he and Paul Newman were allowed to test one of Rick Hendrick’s race cars. Tom’s first lap was in excess of one hundred eighty miles per hour.

Don Simpson, Jerry Bruckheimer, and sometimes Robert Towne, often started their days on-set having arguments with Tony Scott over how to shoot scenes.

Tom Cruise and Robert Duvall characters are (very) loosely based on former driver Tim Richmond and his crew chief Harry Hyde. Richmond was known as an overnight sensation, and Hyde was the veteran crew chief. The scene where Duvall’s character teaches Cruise about tire management is based on an actual incident between Hyde and Richmond, who died from complications from AIDS the year before the film was released.

The scene where Cole leaves the pits after a race, to hit Russ Wheeler, is based on an actual event during the 1987 All-Star race at Charlotte, North Carolina, between drivers Bill Elliott and Dale Earnhardt. (It wasn’t quite the same, Elliot and Bodine drove up beside him and bumped him after the race, they didn’t smash directly into the side of their car!)

NASCAR driver Greg Sacks did most of Tom Cruise’s stunt driving. Cruise wanted to do his own stunt driving, but wasn’t allowed to for insurance reasons. The Chevrolets were prepared by Rick Hendrick’s racing team, which later used some of the movie cars in real races. Thirty-five cars were wrecked during filming.

According to Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Tom Cruise had a meeting with Dale Earnhardt, Sr. prior to the production of the film. It was rumored that Earnhardt was offered the role of Rowdy Burns, but he turned it down because he did not want to play the bad guy.

All cars used in the movie for the races had to pass inspection and qualify. Bobby Hamilton qualified one of the movie cars in the top ten.

At Daytona for the final race of the movie “Gentlemen Start Your Engines” is the voice of Burt Reynolds

In an effort to give a more realistic atmosphere, professional racing broadcasters were brought in to play the broadcast reporters and track announcers. Key among these were members of ESPN’s racing crew, including Booth Announcer Bob Jenkins, and Pit Reporter Dr. Jerry Punch.

Nicole Kidman wanted to study neurosurgery for her part, but the producers told her it would be a waste of time.

Donna W. Scott was cast by Don Simpson when he was casting roles for the film. They began dating afterwards, leading to Donna getting a small role as a “pit girl” in the film and spending almost two months on-set. After she broke up with Simpson, she began dating Tony Scott. They would eventually get married and have two children before he died in 2012.

In Daytona, Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer spent $400,000 to have a vacant storefront in their hotel converted into their private gym, with a large neon sign reading “Days of Thunder”. Simpson also kept a closet full of Donna Karan dresses to offer the attractive women his assistants found on the beach, and held private parties with friends like rapper Tone Loc. They threw a special welcome party for the crew at a local nightclub with minimal food and drink, and no music, but plenty of hookers they flew in, most of whom they limited to a roped-off VIP area with themselves and Tom Cruise. (uh … allegedly?)

Upon seeing the film “the King” Richard Petty (so named because he holds the record for most wins in NASCAR Grand National history) said of the movie, “the only thing they got right was the numbers on the side of the cars

Awards – Nominee for the Oscar for Best Sound (Charles M. Wilborn, Donald O. Mitchell, Rick Kline, Kevin O’Connell, 1991)

Double Impact Preview

Jill McBrawn taps nervously at the table looking at Rich. He begins to try to explain but she interrupts, “it’s about the Dongle, right?” she stammers, “It’s all he was talking about all this last month. It’s like he’s been infected and the only cure is to his hand on that damn Dongle… I’m sorry” She takes a sip of water and looks away. Rich isn’t sure how far to press. He places a hand on her arm. She flinches and apologizes, “it’s just you shouldn’t be here. It’s all he talked about. ‘My father is the key,’ he would say. ‘He has the Dongle and I’ll get it from him.’” Her eyes are asking him whether it’s true, whether it’s possible, but Rich shakes his head in disbelief. As he does, his chest begins to glow, responding to the words being spoken. Just as has happened during the four trials of the gamemasters. The light gets brighter and so does Jill’s eyes. “You must give it to me, before he gets back!” she yells desperately, “you don’t understand how strong he is. The hatred, the power, he likes it. But I know him. I can keep it from him.” She puts out her hand and as she does Rich tentatively reaches towards his chest and pulls out the shard of the Dongle. Suddenly Jill jumps for it and grabs it and begins to cackle with glee and the world around them crumbles revealing the ceremonial chamber in which the Nic Cages have been toying with Rich’s mind. All an elaborate game in order to have him hand over the shard of his own volition. “You fool,” Travolta Nic Cage says, “with the Dongle and our power combined the world is doomed. Double impact, babbbby.” That’s right! We’re watching Double Impact starring JCVD for the Bring a Friend section. This is the earlier of the two JCVD twin films, so fortunately we haven’t yet exhausted our stock. Let’s go!

The dragons are quite smitten with their buddy cop beaus and have decided to keep them around Hell for eternity when suddenly Poe forgets momentarily to undo his ponytail while also wearing the glasses. “Wait… where’s Rich?” one of the dragons screeches in horror and both began to wail in heartbroken agony. I guess this is the end for Poe… except suddenly his twin protectors step. The twins are just as smitten with their new twin beaus and scoff at Poe and his equally substantial and well-oiled muscles. Stepping past them to the volcano’s edge, Poe hopes this is what he needs to do. He jumps, “I’m coommming Riiiiich.” That’s right! Since this is the Bring a Friend cycle we thought we better do something good for the Bring a Friend entry. So we took the Breen plunge and jumped full tilt into the latest Neil Breen joint called Twisted Pair. Breen plays a set of twins with special powers and that’s all you really need to know. It’s Neil Breen. If you don’t know him then look him up, he’s garnered some real bad movie cache in the last decade.. Let’s go!

Double Impact (1991) – BMeTric: 43.8; Notability: 33 

(I’m really surprised by how low the rating is for this film on IMDb. This seems like exactly the type of film which would have an ironic inflation of its score over the past ten years. But it seems to be following a normal trajectory, and is still below 6.0.)

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Inspired by the example of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is now the No. 1 movie star in the world, the entire martial arts genre is going upmarket as fast as it can. The established names in the field, including Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jeff Speakman, are appearing in slicker productions with better scripts and sexier locations, and there are times, watching these ambitious films, when I feel a twinge of nostalgia for the bargain-basement Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee pictures, which had fewer pretensions and projected a crazed intensity. … Because the martial arts genre has had so much success recently, its stars are condemned to play only leading men. Van Damme and Seagal are always at the center of their plots. That will hurt their careers in the long run, since martial arts movies are limited by their formulas, and the heroes are supplied with almost ritualistic plot patterns. Since Seagal seems to have more talent than any of his movies has been able to use, and Van Damme also has possibilities, it’s too bad the marketplace won’t let them play supporting roles in more ambitious movies. They would make splendid villains. And we wouldn’t believe it if they couldn’t hit anything.

(This is an extremely prescient review. He basically predicts the trajectory of JCVD and Seagal’s careers to a tee and diagnoses it (correctly) as their inability to break from the mold to become supporting actors or villains in film. To hear Speakman’s name being uttered in the same breath as Seagal and Van Damme is something else entirely. It actually makes little sense, but was probably Ebert just grasping at the other martial artist who made a film in 1991, because Speakman’s one and only wide release film was The Perfect Weapon in 1991 so it really is bizarre to pick him out as a guy who wouldn’t last in film … he wasn’t even a thing in 1991 and never became a thing afterwards. Wild.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rftm3yRSD_0/

(Wow the hard guitar riffing soundtrack. Double the “Van Damage”? This is somehow everything I want, and the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It is a little odd because it feels a lot like Knock Off which would come out seven years later. Like they had a bunch of leftover Hong Kong footage lying around and decided to make that one on a lark.)

Directors – Sheldon Lettich – (Future BMT: The Order; A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave; Only the Strong; BMT: Double Impact; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Directed a bunch of straight to video films starring Dolph Lendgren, but mostly Van Damme. Is slated to direct a few films in the upcoming year.)

Writers – Sheldon Lettich (screen story & screenplay) – (Known For: Bloodsport; Future BMT: Legionnaire; A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave; Russkies; Max; Only the Strong; BMT: Double Impact; Rambo III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Was in the Marines for four years including fighting in Vietnam. Originally a photographer prior to writing scripts.)

Jean-Claude Van Damme (screen story & screenplay) – (Known For: Kickboxer: Retaliation; Future BMT: Kickboxer: Vengeance; The Order; Kickboxer 2: The Road Back; Legionnaire; The Quest; A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave; Kickboxer; BMT: Double Impact; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Double Team in 1998; and Nominee for Worst New Star for Bloodsport in 1989; Notes: Van Damme was the closest martial artists to get to that Sly Stallone stature, so he wrote a bunch of films in the 90s. He also directed, and used to edit a bunch of films really early in his career to punch up the action scenes. Impressive run.)

Steve Meerson and Peter Krikes (screen story) – (Known For: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home; Anna and the King; Back to the Beach; BMT: Double Impact; Notes: )

Actors – Jean-Claude Van Damme – (Known For: Bloodsport; Kung Fu Panda 3; The Expendables 2; Hard Target; Kung Fu Panda 2; Timecop; Sudden Death; Kickboxer: Retaliation; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning; Lukas; JCVD; Enemies Closer; Future BMT: Street Fighter; Derailed; Welcome to the Jungle; Kickboxer: Vengeance; The Order; Legionnaire; Maximum Risk; Inferno; Replicant; The Quest; Black Water; Missing in Action; Pound of Flesh; Nowhere to Run; A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave; Breakin’; Last Action Hero; Kickboxer; BMT: Universal Soldier: The Return; Double Team; Cyborg; Knock Off; Double Impact; Universal Soldier; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Double Team in 1998; and Nominee for Worst New Star for Bloodsport in 1989; Notes: We have a ton of JCVD films to do. Out of all of the martial arts stars from the 90s I think he ended up coming out looking okay. At least he isn’t a weirdo like Seagal or have tax problems. Just seems like he does a ton of straight-to-video garbage.)

Geoffrey Lewis – (Known For: The Devil’s Rejects; Maverick; Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; Heaven’s Gate; High Plains Drifter; Night of the Comet; Thunderbolt and Lightfoot; The Way of the Gun; Point of No Return; 10 to Midnight; My Name Is Nobody; The Man Without a Face; Tom Horn; The Wind and the Lion; Down in the Valley; Dillinger; Bronco Billy; The Great Waldo Pepper; Wicked Little Things; Macon County Line; Future BMT: Blueberry; Pink Cadillac; The New Guy; Moving McAllister; Fletch Lives; Any Which Way You Can; Every Which Way but Loose; Lucky Lady; Only the Strong; Lust in the Dust; BMT: The Lawnmower Man; Double Impact; Tango & Cash; Notes: Received a Golden Globe nomination for a supporting role in the television series Flo (which I had never heard of). He has 10 children, at least 6 of which are in the industry including Juliette Lewis)

Alonna Shaw – (Known For: King of New York; BMT: Double Impact; Notes: Was a model prior to becoming an actress. Appears to have been retired for a while. She does not have a wikipedia which is insane … she starred in a major motion picture in 1991!!)

Budget/Gross – $15 million / Domestic: $30,102,717 (Worldwide: $30,102,717)

(Actually halfway decent. I’m not surprised it didn’t get a sequel though. I imagine it is a pain in the ass to do the whole double thing with the split screen. This is the type of film where you do it to get some media play, and then you never ever do it again.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (7/20)

(Surprisingly good reviews, mostly saying that the action scenes are excellent and the film brisk. I think the good reviews tend to be more recent, whereas Ebert’s probably captured the spirit of the time a bit better: I wish it didn’t seem so pretentious and was more like older martial arts films. Reviewer Highlight: The notion of casting pretty-boy kickboxer Jean-Claude Van Damme — the Rob Lowe of the steroid set — in a double role sounded like fun. In fact, it doesn’t come to much. – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly)

Poster – Identichop

(I’ve always called it a Twin Chop, but Identichop seems appropriate for the poster. This looks like garbage which is appropriate for the film. I actually am not sure what would have happened if I saw this poster hanging in a movie theater… fainted probably. It’s mediocre/not good in almost every way. C-)

Tagline(s) – Feel The Impact (A+ but ironically)

Twin brothers torn apart by violence. On a mission of revenge. One packs a punch. One packs a piece. Together they deliver… (A+ but not ironically)

(The second one is now the tagline for BadMovieTwins.com. Can we be sued? I don’t care. Together me and Patrick deliver the goods so it’s simply truth in advertising. I don’t love “One packs a piece” let’s work on that. Ok. “One packs a punch. One packs a lunch.” nailed it. First try. In this scenario, of course, one of us is a skinny cop and the other a jolly fat cop.)

Keyword – twins

Top 10: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Doctor Sleep (2019), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011), Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), House of Wax (2005), Meet the Robinsons (2007), Cheaper by the Dozen (2003), Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), The Great Outdoors (1988)

Future BMT: 92.7 Date Movie (2006), 58.2 Deck the Halls (2006), 57.9 House of Wax (2005), 54.9 The Back-up Plan (2010), 51.2 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 36.2 A Cinderella Story (2004), 31.0 It Takes Two (1995), 13.4 Little Women (2018);

BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen (2003), Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005), Jack and Jill (2011), Double Impact (1991), Father Figures (2017), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), The Astronaut’s Wife (1999), Pluto Nash (2002), Mrs. Winterbourne (1996), The Identical (2014)

(There it is, ten films with the keyword “twins”. And we have another on the docket next week, so we’ll get to 11. And I’m sure if I continued to add the keyword where appropriate it will turn out we have done like … 20 of these. I should probably put together a definitive list at some point. Maybe include twin reviews on the website or something.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jean-Claude Van Damme is No. 1 billed in Double Impact and No. 1 billed in Double Team, which also stars Mickey Rourke (No. 3 billed) who is in Get Carter (2000) (No. 4 billed), which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 3 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 19. If we were to watch Maximum Risk we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Van Damme wanted to play twins to help change his image. “One of them is violent and the other is not, so the audience can see the contrast in my work,” he said. “This picture has comedy, romance, a love story. So it is not all action and fighting. When I fight on screen, I blend dancing and fighting. Grace plus power is very nice.” (Actually kind of true. The Bad Damme, Alex, hits a woman in the film and everything. It is pretty nuts)

Van Damme said his real life personality was closer to Chad than Alex. “In real life I am not this cold, quiet guy who goes around kicking butt.”

Due to a strong friendship formed between the two actors on the set of Bloodsport (1988), Jean-Claude Van Damme wanted no one but Bolo Yeung to play the lead villain in this movie. (Yeah, he’s great. A martial artist body builder? I guess there are a ton of people kind of like that these days, but he just has a very interesting body shape for the time)

In 2010, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Bolo Yeung were giving a martial art demonstration and Van Damme said hopefully one day he and Yeung will put a project together “Double Impact 2” and maybe Yeung will play a friend and not any enemy. In a 2012 interview promoting The Expendables 2 (2012), Van Damme mentioned that he would like to make another Double Impact movie with a more serious tone. During the interview, he also gave a rough idea of the plot: “Two twins one is coming back from Asia to Los Angeles to help his brother who is a con-artist and pretending to be a big Hollywood producer and he’s in trouble with the mob”. A Double Impact 2 script has been written by Van Damme and Sheldon Lettich (who co-wrote Bloodsport and Double Impact). Van Damme said “Hopefully, somebody smart enough, like an agent or a producer, can put that back together…I’m excited about it, you know?” (Hoooooooly shiiiiiiiiit. I’m down)

Director Albert Pyun was briefly approached when the project was then called ‘The Corsican Brothers’ in the late 1980s. He said on his Facebook page in 2012: “The last time I’ve spoken with JCVD was on the roof of a building across the street from Cannon on Wilshire. JCVD wanted to talk in private and he told me the story he wanted to do for his next film called “Corsican Brother” which became Double Impact I believe. JCVD asked if I would want to direct it for him. The whole idea of TWO JCVDs seemed a bit far fetched and I did not commit either way but told him I had reservations about how the twins idea would work. I told him I thought he should keep moving in the direction of a pure action star and leave the gimmick movies behind. Haven’t seen or talked to him since directly.” (Jesus Christ, why would you call it that? Were there bits about the twins being able to “feel” each other in the original script? Also Pyun was wrong. The biggest issue for JCVD was always going to be his accent. Unlike Schwarzenegger he never had the acting chops or charm to overcome it. So what is the point in not doing gimmick films?)

Freely based on Alexandre Dumas’s novel “The Corsican Brothers”, as the original working title was. It was even set to take place in France and Corsica. (What the hell are they even talking about!?)

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Preview

As Rich and Poe wingsuit their way to the school they look themselves over and realize just what an odd pair they make. Rich, a brash bro with baditude. Poe, a stock broker type with glasses for days. One the number cruncher, the other using instinct to get out of jams. Both warriors of justice and yet so different. They sure do hate rulez, but in different and equally cool ways. Boy howdy are they an odd couple. When they land, Nic Cage and the eeevil Gamemaster are waiting. “Most curious,” says the evil Gamemaster, suspicious at the totally bodacious way in which they completed the task. But they shrug, no biggie. “Unfortunately your test has just begun,” says Nic Cage. The new task is about the dangers of complex thought. “Clear your minds. For often the simplest idea is the most profound.” The evil Gamemaster nods, “And remember, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.” With that they are gone and Rich and Poe look at their clothing. My god, they’re hideous. “We can’t go to school like this,” wails Rich, “We are total nerd alerts. Look at my glasses! Look at these ink stains!” He is despondent, but Poe knows they have to go forward. They should be poppin’ b-gum and baggin’ some cargo shorts as they skateboard their way to tween culture dominance, but there must be a reason for all this. As they nervously walk in, all the dope tweens are staring at the new dweebs in town. “Yo, fresh fish,” says one and Rich and Poe flinch as a hand grasps their shoulders, “Hey mates, you fellas look like a coupla fish outta water, oi? Come on, I’ll show you around and maybe we can toss a few shrimp on the barbie at lunch.” That’s right! We’re finally taking the dive and watching the sequels to a true fish-out-of-water classic, Crocodile Dundee II and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. Both were reviled by critics and it’s an apt time to watch them because there may or may not be another one on the BMT horizon. Let’s go!

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001) – BMeTric: 63.7; Notability: 39 

CrocodileDundeeinLosAngelesIMDb_BMeT

CrocodileDundeeinLosAngelesIMDb_RV

(I think this one is going to be legendary. That is really holding firm significantly below 5.0, which is a very very low score. Should be an abomination. I can’t wait. Notability is actually higher that I would expect, although the early 2000s is right when they were throwing a ton of cash at comedies to hit that $100 million mark.)

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The movie is pokey and the jokes amble onscreen, squat down on their haunches and draw diagrams of themselves in the dust. But enough Croc-bashing. Truth in journalism compels me to report that “Crocodile Dundee” is at least genial family entertainment, quite possibly of interest to younger audiences and entirely lacking in the vomitous content of such other current films as “See Spot Run,” “Joe Dirt” and “Freddy Got Fingered.” Since the studios are advertising those excremental exercises in places where kids develop a desire to see them, it is good, after they see “Spy Kids,” to have an innocent and harmless entertainment like “Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles” as another choice. It may not be brilliant, but who would you rather your kids took as a role model: Crocodile Dundee, David Spade or Tom Green? It is a melancholy milestone in our society when parents pray, “Please, God, let my child grow up to admire a crocodile rassler,” but there you have it.

(An interesting take to be honest. His Rotten Tomatoes blurb is mostly that it is just dull. But I can see that argument, that it is mostly just fine, two stars. That sounds right to be honest.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpJ0y6qIsps/

(Classic, The Clapper jokes. That trailer is insane. A much more like … kids comedy it seems like? He’s just cruising around with a kid solving crime or something? Who is the dude he’s with as well, that character isn’t really in the early films. Truly bizarre stuff.)

Directors – Simon Wincer – (Known For: Free Willy; Quigley Down Under; The Phantom; D.A.R.Y.L.; The Lighthorsemen; Harlequin; Phar Lap; The Young Black Stallion; Future BMT: Operation Dumbo Drop; Lightning Jack; Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Notes: A television director since the early 70s, he only broke into movies in the 80s and 90s. He directed the Lonesome Dove mini-series.)

Writers – Paul Hogan (characters) – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Future BMT: Lightning Jack; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Was named Australian of the Year in 1985.)

Matt Berry (written by) (as Matthew Berry) – (BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Notes: A prolific television producer and writer including writing for Roseanne, Married … with Children, and Desperate Housewives. Now obviously best known for fantasy sports.)

Eric Abrams (written by) – (BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Notes: Similarly wrote on Married … with Children. Berry and him were writing partners and have told some interesting stories about how they ended up involved with the film and the unpleasant experiences they had.)

Actors – Paul Hogan – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Charlie & Boots; I Now Pronounce You Vince and Ralph; Future BMT: Flipper; Lightning Jack; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: He had a comedy show called the Paul Hogan Show which … looks like it ran for like a decade, but it is hard to tell because there are only five episodes listed on IMDb. I feels like something akin to the Ernest P. Worrell shows, very public-access-y)

Linda Kozlowski – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Future BMT: Village of the Damned; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Was nominated for a Golden Globe for her work in Crocodile Dundee.)

Jere Burns – (Known For: The Incredibles 2; Funhouse Massacre; Future BMT: Game Over, Man!; Prom; My Giant; Greedy; Wired; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Notes: Seems to be an fitness fanatic competing in marathons, triathlons, and a multitude of extreme sports to some degree.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $25,635,682 (Worldwide: $39,438,674)

(That seems unlikely to be a good take. It just seems like Hogan himself would have cost a bit to lure into reprising the role. But who knows with the budget information missing.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (9/80): A sequel as unnecessary as it is belated, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles lacks virtually all of the easygoing humor and charm that delighted fans of the original.

(The review seems like it can be boiled down to: This is exactly what you would expect and that is too bad. Reviewer Highlight: The punchlines are as tired as Hogan looks braying ‘g’day’ between scenes of stunt doubles getting some exercise. – Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly)

Poster – Sklogodile Dundee in Los Angeles (F)

crocodile_dundee_in_los_angeles

(Heeeelllllll nooooooo. Nope. No. No. Nope. I don’t give a shit about that font. The poster is shockingly bad. In the competition with The Avengers (1998) for worst all-time maybe.)

Tagline(s) – He heard there was wildlife in L.A. He didn’t know how wild. (F)

(What?! This is the craziest poster/tagline combination in a while. This is amazing nonsense.)

Keyword – fish out of water

CrocodileDundeeinLosAngeles_fish out of water

Top 10: Terminator: Dark Fate (2019), Alita: Battle Angel (2019), Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Aquaman (2018), Captain Marvel (2019), Wonder Woman (2017), True Romance (1993), Back to the Future (1985), Beauty and the Beast (2017), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Future BMT: 73.1 Bio-Dome (1996), 69.8 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.7 Supergirl (1984), 68.7 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 66.2 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.4 Black Knight (2001), 62.9 Fat Albert (2004), 58.1 Corky Romano (2001), 57.5 Little Nicky (2000), 56.9 Suburban Commando (1991);

BMT: Road House (1989), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Timeline (2003), Rambo III (1988), Safe Haven (2013), The Pacifier (2005), The 13th Warrior (1999), Made of Honour (2008), Howard the Duck (1986), Universal Soldier (1992), Mortdecai (2015), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Queen of the Damned (2002), Jason X (2001), The Beverly Hillbillies (1993), New in Town (2009), The Golden Child (1986), Old Dogs (2009), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Are We There Yet? (2005), Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Rhinestone (1984), Ishtar (1987)

(He is such a goddamned fish out of water! Man we’ve watched a lot of these. I think the one I am most looking forward to is Suburban Commando (in whatever capacity that qualified). It is somewhat notable that this is, indeed, a rather non-notable film in general.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 44) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Paul Rodríguez is No. 10 billed in Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles and No. 14 billed in The Curse of La Llorona, which also stars Linda Cardellini (No. 1 billed) who is in Hunter Killer (No. 6 billed), which also stars Gary Oldman (No. 2 billed) who is in Lost in Space (No. 1 billed), which also stars Heather Graham (No. 5 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 2 billed), which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => 10 + 14 + 1 + 6 + 2 + 1 + 5 + 2 + 1 + 2 = 44. If we were to watch Lightning Jack, and Pearl Harbor we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – One early idea for a third Crocodile Dundee film was to have Mick Dundee team up with Eddie Murphy’s character Axel Foley from the Beverly Hills Cop (1984) films in a crossover film. (Sounds like something thought up between doing two lines of coke)

Paul Hogan had requested sole writing credit on the film for his rewrite but the Writers Guild of America awarded the credit solely to Matthew Berry and Eric Abrams, the writers of the initial script.

Paul Hogan had stated in an interview that there wasn’t going to be a 3rd “Crocodile Dundee” film and had felt that the story of Mick Dundee had been finished and that he isn’t James Bond and he doesn’t go all over the world solving crimes. (That is exactly what the second film was! But wait … like it didn’t need to be. You wrote the movies man)

Mick Dundee drives a Subaru Outback, the same car that actor Paul Hogan had been the spokesman for. (Of course he does)

A spin-off that centered around Mikey Dundee, Mick and Sues’s son was not considered due to the film bombing at the Box Office. (I knew it! It did bomb)

Alec Wilson appears in this film as an apparent, long time friend of Mick’s from Australia. He also appeared in Crocodile Dundee II (1988) as the local hired goon named ‘Denning’, who worked alongside the drug lords helping them to track down Mick and Sue in the Australian outback.

Producer/performer Anthony Begonia is in the Venice beach scene as an angry volleyball player in the background.

Features the final musical score composed by Basil Poledouris for a theatrical film.

An early draft of the script contained a cameo role for Hugh Hefner as himself.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (2002)

Crocodile Dundee II Preview

As Rich and Poe wingsuit their way to the school they look themselves over and realize just what an odd pair they make. Rich, a brash bro with baditude. Poe, a stock broker type with glasses for days. One the number cruncher, the other using instinct to get out of jams. Both warriors of justice and yet so different. They sure do hate rulez, but in different and equally cool ways. Boy howdy are they an odd couple. When they land, Nic Cage and the eeevil Gamemaster are waiting. “Most curious,” says the evil Gamemaster, suspicious at the totally bodacious way in which they completed the task. But they shrug, no biggie. “Unfortunately your test has just begun,” says Nic Cage. The new task is about the dangers of complex thought. “Clear your minds. For often the simplest idea is the most profound.” The evil Gamemaster nods, “And remember, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.” With that they are gone and Rich and Poe look at their clothing. My god, they’re hideous. “We can’t go to school like this,” wails Rich, “We are total nerd alerts. Look at my glasses! Look at these ink stains!” He is despondent, but Poe knows they have to go forward. They should be poppin’ b-gum and baggin’ some cargo shorts as they skateboard their way to tween culture dominance, but there must be a reason for all this. As they nervously walk in, all the dope tweens are staring at the new dweebs in town. “Yo, fresh fish,” says one and Rich and Poe flinch as a hand grasps their shoulders, “Hey mates, you fellas look like a coupla fish outta water, oi? Come on, I’ll show you around and maybe we can toss a few shrimp on the barbie at lunch.” That’s right! We’re finally taking the dive and watching the sequels to a true fish-out-of-water classic, Crocodile Dundee II and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. Both were reviled by critics and it’s an apt time to watch them because there may or may not be another one on the BMT horizon. Let’s go!

Crocodile Dundee II (1988) – BMeTric: 45.2; Notability: 41 

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(That is roughly what I would have expected. The Notability is a lot higher than I would have expected. For a comedy in 1988? I feel like that is very much above average which is pretty nuts.)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  Pleasant followup to the runaway hit reverses the original by opening in N.Y.C. and winding up in the bush country of Australia. This time the unflappable tracker runs afoul of an international drug kingpin. So leisurely that after a while you wish they’d get on with it – especially when all suspense about the outcome is eliminated. Hogan’s charisma carries this almost singlehandedly. Written by Hogan and his son Brett.

(This sounds about right to me. It doesn’t feel like the film is necessarily much worse than the original, it is just that without the originality the film falls a bit flat.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYaOhlHnuZw/

(More action! Great. Not exactly what I want from Crocodile Dundee, but then again, I guess they can’t really do the romance angle again. So time for some action adventure, woo!)

Directors – John Cornell – (Future BMT: Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Was Paul Hogan’s manager, which is why he directed most of Hogan’s early stuff, like small television movies.)

Writers – Paul Hogan (characters & written by) – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Future BMT: Lightning Jack; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Worked as a rigger on the Sydney Harbour Bridge at a young age.)

Brett Hogan (written by) – (BMT: Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Hogan’s son. Interesting that this is his only writing role. A bit part in the original film is his only acting role as well.)

Actors – Paul Hogan – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Charlie & Boots; I Now Pronounce You Vince and Ralph; Future BMT: Flipper; Lightning Jack; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Was accused of tax fraud in the 2000s, but ultimately wasn’t charged with the Australian government having to foot the legal fees.)

Linda Kozlowski – (Known For: Crocodile Dundee; Future BMT: Village of the Damned; Almost an Angel; BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles; Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: Married Hogan in 1990 soon after he filed for divorce from his first wife (twice over) to whom he’s been married about 32 years.)

John Meillon – (Known For: The Longest Day; Crocodile Dundee; Walkabout; On the Beach; Wake in Fright; Billy Budd; The Cars That Ate Paris; The Sundowners; BMT: Crocodile Dundee II; Notes: His brother is a director of, I think, Australian soap operas. Specifically he directed nearly 150 episodes of Neighbours.)

Budget/Gross – $14 million / Domestic: $109,306,210 (Worldwide: $239,606,210)

(That is an absolutely huge hit! It is pretty crazy how much less the third one made once you look at it in comparison to this. This came out over a decade earlier as well. Looking back at 1988 it was the 5th highest grossing film for the year!! Basically comedies were just killing it around that time, what a time to be alive.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (3/28): Retelling its predecessor’s same joke with diminishing returns, Crocodile Dundee II sees the franchise’s enjoyability go down under.

(Holy shit, I was right! That is exactly what the Leonard Maltin review suggested to me, that it was just like the original without the originality and thus critics would hate it. Funny. Reviewer Highlight: Too slow to constitute an adventure and has too few laughs to be a comedy. – Variety)

Poster – Sklogodile Dundee II (B+)

crocodile_dundee_ii_ver2

(I kinda like it. Gives the sense that he’s larger than life. Perhaps even larger than the city in which he was so lost in the first movie. Am I reading too much into this? Probably. But I don’t care. Love love love the font too. Needs a better color scheme though.)

Tagline(s) – The world’s favorite adventurer is back for more! much more! (C-)

(Is the “much more” a joke… I don’t get it. Pretty banal other than that little bit at the end that is burrowing into my brain.)

Keyword – crocodile

CrocodileDundeeII_crocodile

Top 10: Suicide Squad (2016), Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017), Annihilation (2018), Jumanji (1995), The Legend of Tarzan (2016), Peter Pan (2003), Pan (2015), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), The Thin Red Line (1998), Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)

Future BMT: 56.5 Primeval (2007), 43.8 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 42.2 Pan (2015), 38.6 Firewalker (1986), 34.5 Suicide Squad (2016), 33.9 Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014), 31.0 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 30.2 Eraser (1996), 29.6 Inkheart (2008);

BMT: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004), Runner Runner (2013)

(Those two peaks are definitely creature feature booms. We have so many crocodile films to go! I think I’m most looking forward to Firewalker. Kind of amazing that one qualifies.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles S. Dutton is No. 5 billed in Crocodile Dundee II and No. 3 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed), which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => 5 + 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 15. If we were to watch Lightning Jack, and Pearl Harbor we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – There was controversy about whether Mick Dundee should be considered a crocodile poacher; his use of a rifle to “catch fish” was never fully confirmed in the first movie, Crocodile Dundee (1986). The writers decided to start this film showcasing Mick’s extreme measure of fishing, by showing him use dynamite to catch fish in New York harbor. In this way, the writers can safely assert that he was actually fishing, and not a criminal poacher – as he claimed, when he was attacked by a crocodile in the first movie. (I don’t understand the difference. Fishing with dynamite is illegal and considered unsporting I imagine regardless)

Alec Wilson appears in this film as ‘Denning’, a local Australian hired goon for the drug lords. 13 years later he appeared in the sequel Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001) as ‘Jacko’, a long time Australian friend of Mick. (Twin brother confirmed?!)

Takes place 6 months after the original film and 13 years before the following film “Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles”.

John Meillon’s 2nd and final appearance as Walter Reilly. Meillon passed away a year after the film’s release and his character has retired sometime before the 2nd sequel Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001).

Comedian and Saturday Night Live alum, Colin Quinn appears in minor role early in his career. He later recounted through his comedy, that while working on the movie he took it upon himself to rewrite the script to give himself a larger role in the film as Dundee’s sidekick and presented it unsolicited to the film’s director and producers. With very little experience in the entertainment and film industry he had no concept at the time why this would be seen as inappropriate.

The subway train operated on one of the unused outer tracks at the Hoyt-Schermerhorn station. (Fun)

Stephen Root’s movie debut. (It seemed like it. He was quite good in it actually, bit part and all)

Actress and singer Tatyana Ali’s acting debut. Tatyana Ali plays one of the kids in the park whom is seen talking to Mick earlier in the film. (Whaaaaa)

The film is heavily influenced by the “Rambo” films. Dundee uses his hunting skills in the Australian outback on the drug cartel that kidnapped Sue Charlton. (Yeah seems about right. Dundee is almost a Rambo and James Bond crossover in a weird way.)

Charles S. Dutton’s Leroy Brown character was influenced by the 1973 song “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” by American folk rock singer Jim Croce.

Paul Hogan had stated the people of USA saw Mick Dundee as a cross between Chuck Norris and Rambo. Like John Rambo in the “Rambo” movies, in this film Dundee uses his hunting skills and uses the Outback territory to his advantage as he sets traps on Rico and his men whom are in pursuit of him and Sue. Unlike Rambo however, Dundee does not kill Rico and his men.

Grown Ups 2 Preview

Brief note before we start: last July we got together yet again and worked out a fourth class to be inducted into the Smaddies Baddies BMT Hall of Fame. It has been nearly a decade since we started BMT and as usual the films from more than five years ago might just deserve a rewatch, a reassessment, and a recap. The previews and speeches will be released leading up to the seventh (ninth?) Smaddies Baddies for the five films chosen. For this inductee we went looking for a bad movie for the people. A bad movie that the whole family could enjoy. And maybe, we’ll also get an extended commercial for KFC, or Dick’s Sporting Goods, or Hooters thrown in for good measure! That’s right, we are rewatching Grown Ups 2. The first Sandler inductee, and honestly very likely the only one. Just consider this a lifetime achievement award for his work in the 2000s. This is the updated preview, the Hall of Fame Speech will follow to explain why we think this film is Hall of Fame worthy.

Generated on: 2020-01-09

Grown Ups 2 (2013) – BMeTric: 54.8; Notability: 65 

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(Significantly lower. Which is not that surprising. Having watched both of them again recently, the first is a bit upsetting, but ultimately a load of harmless fun during a lake holiday. This is just a whole bunch of nothing.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – If you chortle at a deer trapped in a house, flaunting a hot pink bra on its antler (C-cup, an observer admires), and urinating copiously, you’re the right person for “Grown Ups 2.”

(I … am not. This film is straight up a garbage fire, and this review correctly demonstrates this.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq5CIH0duMk/

(Yup … that’s the film. That is actually basically the storyline as well. What? You didn’t see the storyline in there? Yeah, this film has no storyline, it is just them wandering around on the last day of summer … enjoy!)

Directors – Dennis Dugan – (Known For: Happy Gilmore; Brain Donors; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Problem Child; Beverly Hills Ninja; National Security; Saving Silverman; Big Daddy; BMT: Jack and Jill; Grown Ups 2; The Benchwarmers; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Just Go with It; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director in 2012 for Jack and Jill, and Just Go with It; and Nominee for Worst Director in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Notes: His son is a professional baseball player, although I don’t think he’s appeared in any Major League games yet.)

Writers – Fred Wolf (written by & based on characters created by) – (Known For: I Want Candy; Future BMT: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Without a Paddle; Joe Dirt; Black Sheep; Dirty Work; BMT: Grown Ups 2; Strange Wilderness; Grown Ups; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Grown Ups 2 in 2014; Notes: )

Adam Sandler (written by & based on characters created by) – (Known For: Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Hotel Transylvania 2; Future BMT: Little Nicky; The Week Of; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Sandy Wexler; Eight Crazy Nights; The Waterboy; Big Daddy; BMT: Jack and Jill; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; Grown Ups; Notes: While his time on SNL is fondly remembered by those who experienced it via re-run, it was rather short and tumultuous. He, and a good chunk of the rest of the cast, were fired after about three years because of poor reviews and bad press.)

Tim Herlihy (written by) – (Known For: The Wedding Singer; Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Future BMT: Little Nicky; Mr. Deeds; Bedtime Stories; The Waterboy; Big Daddy; BMT: The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; Pixels; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; and in 2016 for Pixels; Notes: Sandler’s college roommate, he was (at one point at least) a practicing attorney.)

Actors – Adam Sandler – (Known For: Uncut Gems; Murder Mystery; The Meyerowitz Stories; The Wedding Singer; Happy Gilmore; 50 First Dates; Punch-Drunk Love; Spanglish; Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; Hotel Transylvania; Billy Madison; Anger Management; Funny People; Hotel Transylvania 2; Reign Over Me; Top Five; Future BMT: The Animal; Little Nicky; Coneheads; The Week Of; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; The Hot Chick; Sandy Wexler; Eight Crazy Nights; Mr. Deeds; The Do-Over; The Cobbler; Bulletproof; Mixed Nuts; Bedtime Stories; The Waterboy; Airheads; Shakes the Clown; Click; Big Daddy; The Longest Yard; Dirty Work; Men, Women & Children; BMT: Jack and Jill; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; The Ridiculous 6; Zookeeper; Grown Ups 2; Pixels; Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Just Go with It; Blended; Notes: While he was born in New York, he grew up in New Hampshire which is why so many of his films are set there.)

Adam Sandler Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Jack and Jill in 2012; Winner for Worst Actor in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2012 for Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1997 for Bulletproof, and Happy Gilmore; in 1999 for The Waterboy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2003 for Eight Crazy Nights, and Mr. Deeds; in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; in 2015 for Blended; and in 2016 for Pixels, and The Cobbler; Nominee for Worst Screen Combo for The Cobbler in 2016; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy;

Kevin James – (Known For: 50 First Dates; Hitch; Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; Hotel Transylvania; Here Comes the Boom; Hotel Transylvania 2; Monster House; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Sandy Wexler; Barnyard; True Memoirs of an International Assassin; BMT: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2; Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Zookeeper; Pinocchio; The Dilemma; Grown Ups 2; Pixels; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay, Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Combo for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 in 2016; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; and in 2016 for Pixels; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry in 2008; Notes: He is starring in a film called Becky which claims to be an action thriller … that would be a fun turn for James.)

Chris Rock – (Known For: Dolemite Is My Name; Madagascar; Doctor Dolittle; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; Bee Movie; Dogma; Beverly Hills Cop II; Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; Death at a Funeral; Lethal Weapon 4; Osmosis Jones; Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa; New Jack City; Boomerang; Top Five; Nurse Betty; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Pauly Shore Is Dead; CB4; Future BMT: The Week Of; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Sandy Wexler; Beverly Hills Ninja; Pootie Tang; Bad Company; Nobody’s Fool; Down to Earth; Head of State; I Think I Love My Wife; Paparazzi; Sgt. Bilko; The Longest Yard; BMT: Grown Ups 2; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Grown Ups; Notes: Has been features in the television show Fargo. I really should watch that show, it is supposed to be great.)

Budget/Gross – $80,000,000 / Domestic: $133,668,525 (Worldwide: $246,984,278)

(Another huge hit! Why didn’t they make a third one … I actually imagine it is because of Sandler’s Netflix deal.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (8/112): While it’s almost certainly the movie event of the year for filmgoers passionate about deer urine humor, Grown Ups 2 will bore, annoy, and disgust audiences of nearly every other persuasion.

(Huh. That is an incredibly low score. Man, Sandler was on a role for a while there. Reviewer Highlight: When Taylor Lautner is the funniest thing in a movie starring Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, we’re in trouble. – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times.)

Poster – Sklog Ups 2 (C)

grown_ups_two_ver3

(Just average. I don’t mind the idea, it just feels very lazy. It is, in essence, four faces staring at you with a boring font.)

Tagline(s) – Just because they’re a little older doesn’t mean they’ve grown up. (C)

(While the poster/tagline for the original felt interesting and fresh, these seem lazy. Mostly playing off the original without actually doing much to distinguish itself. Just kind of boring. Like this abomination of a movie.)

Keyword – flatulence

GrownUps2_flatulence

Top 10: The Lighthouse (2019), The Lion King (2019), It Chapter Two (2019), The Lion King (1994), The Master (2012), Deadpool (2016), Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999), Wonder (2017), Tropic Thunder (2008), Dances with Wolves (1990)

Future BMT: 92.7 Date Movie (2006), 92.3 Son of the Mask (2005), 78.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.6 Superhero Movie (2008), 75.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 70.8 The Animal (2001), 70.5 Zoom (2006), 69.2 Soul Plane (2004), 68.0 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 67.3 Scooby-Doo (2002);

BMT: Grown Ups (2010), Year One (2009), Grown Ups 2 (2013), White Chicks (2004), Movie 43 (2013), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Dirty Grandpa (2016), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Tango & Cash (1989), Cool World (1992), Scary Movie 5 (2013), Mortdecai (2015), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), The Master of Disguise (2002), Dreamcatcher (2003), Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999), Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005), The Benchwarmers (2006), Epic Movie (2007), The Love Guru (2008), Little Man (2006), A Haunted House (2013), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Monkeybone (2001), Bringing Down the House (2003), Grind (2003), A Haunted House 2 (2014), The Whole Ten Yards (2004), Evening (2007), Unaccompanied Minors (2006), Dudley Do-Right (1999)

(Oh boy. That crescendo in the early 2000s! It actually probably is just the peak of throwing tons of money at trash comedies, but I like to think they just threw farts at audienced until they said “Enough! We can only take so many farts!” We are now at a more reasonable level of famous people farting on each other.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Adam Sandler is No. 1 billed in Grown Ups 2 and No. 1 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Adam Sandler wanted Brad Pitt to play the role of the school teacher. He declined due to “scheduling conflicts”. (I.e. there is no way he was going to do that)

Adam Sandler’s first sequel. (Interesting)

The Feders’ house is the same one used in That’s My Boy (2012), also starring Adam Sandler.

Contrary to popular belief, the reason Rob Schneider did not reprise his role was not because he had a falling out with Sandler. He turned down the movie due to scheduling conflicts, and his wife was having a baby during production. (I believe his new show Rob was being made around then, but I could be wrong)

Two kiwi guys, Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery, are undertaking an unheard of project by watching this film every week for a year (fifty-two times in total) for their podcast “The Worst Idea of All Time” where they also review the film every week. (Ah, maybe I should check out one of those episodes)

Milo Ventimiglia plays a frat boy, but was thirty-six at the time. (YUP)

All of the male cheerleaders were cast members/writers on Saturday Night Live (1975): Andy Samberg, Taran Killam, Will Forte, Bobby Moynihan, Paul Brittain, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer.

Cameron Boyce’s final theatrical film appearance before his death in 2019. (That’s sad, he died from complications due to epilepsy, he played one of Sandler’s sons in the film. He was quite good I thought)

Earned the biggest shut-out in the history of the Razzie Awards, by receiving nine nominations at the 34th Razzies and failing to take home a single award. This record was later broken by Transformers: The Last Knight (2017). Which received ten nominations at the 38th Razzie Awards and failed to win a single award.

There are two alternate cover arts for this movie shown in the pictures section, both of which show scenes eventually cut and never made it to the theatrical release of the movie. One shows three of the four main characters driving go-karts, and the other shows all four on a rollercoaster. (Ohhhhh yeah, they even mention Spade works at the go-kart track)

At the 1980s party, you can see guests disguised as stars of this time: Hulk Hogan, Crockett and Tubbs from Miami Vice (1984), Tina Turner, Mario and Luigi from Mario Bros. , Bruce Springsteen, Meat Loaf, Boy George, Indiana Jones, Michael Jackson, Donald Trump, several Smurfs, Flavor Flav, Tom Cruise’s characters from Top Gun (1986) and Risky Business (1983), Prince, a member of ZZ Top, and many more.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Adam Sandler, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Salma Hayek, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Taylor Lautner, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Nick Swardson, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo (2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Dennis Dugan, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Fred Wolf, Adam Sandler, Tim Herlihy, 2014)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (2014)

Grown Ups Preview

Brief note before we start: last July we got together yet again and worked out a fourth class to be inducted into the Smaddies Baddies BMT Hall of Fame. It has been nearly a decade since we started BMT and as usual the films from more than five years ago might just deserve a rewatch, a reassessment, and a recap. The previews and speeches will be released leading up to the seventh (ninth?) Smaddies Baddies for the five films chosen. For this inductee we went looking for a bad movie for the people. A bad movie that the whole family could enjoy. And maybe, we’ll also get an extended commercial for KFC, or Dick’s Sporting Goods, or Hooters thrown in for good measure! That’s right, we are rewatching Grown Ups 2. The first Sandler inductee, and honestly very likely the only one. Just consider this a lifetime achievement award for his work in the 2000s. This is the updated preview for the original Grown ups. There will also be a review for the sequel and then the Hall of Fame Speech will follow to explain why we think Grown Ups 2 is Hall of Fame worthy.

Generated on: 2020-01-09

Grown Ups (2010) – BMeTric: 37.6; Notability: 39 

GrownUpsIMDb_BMeT

GrownUpsIMDb_RV

(A shade under 6.0 is right where I would have expected it to be. This film seems to be beloved by people who were relatively young when it came out. It was on Netflix for years so it was probably on repeat in some households.)

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The direction by Dennis Dugan never overcomes the ungainly size of the cast. It’s such a challenge to keep all the characters alive that he sometimes does round-robins of reaction shots — a fatal strategy when it comes to timing. Some of the dialogue is broken down into one-shots; some of the characters spend stretches merely responding. It’s all, as I said, pleasant and good-natured, but it feels too much as if all these nice people are trying to keep the conversation going. A comedy it is, but “The Hangover” or “Death at a Funeral” (2007) it isn’t.

(Round-robin of reaction shots is exactly how I would have described this film. I completely agree with this review. It is a bizarre film involving legitimately good friends ripping on each other. I find it a bit distressing if I’m being honest.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZMyY0WuwyY/

(There is something very odd about Rob Schneider’s character in this movie. Like … did he ask to do a character? Everyone else if effectively playing themselves, or at least can dress like a normal person during the film. But he is wearing like a wig and a poncho the entire time and has an old lady wife? What a bizarre choice.)

Directors – Dennis Dugan – (Known For: Happy Gilmore; Brain Donors; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Problem Child; Beverly Hills Ninja; National Security; Saving Silverman; Big Daddy; BMT: Jack and Jill; Grown Ups 2; The Benchwarmers; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Just Go with It; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director in 2012 for Jack and Jill, and Just Go with It; and Nominee for Worst Director in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Notes: His ex-wife Joyce Van Patten plays the wife of Rob Schneider’s character in the film. Van Patten is 11 years older than Dugan.)

Writers – Adam Sandler (written by) – (Known For: Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Hotel Transylvania 2; Future BMT: Little Nicky; The Week Of; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Sandy Wexler; Eight Crazy Nights; The Waterboy; Big Daddy; BMT: Jack and Jill; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; Grown Ups; Notes: He wrote the upcoming Hubie Halloween, which honestly sounds like Ernest Scared Stupid, but starring Adam Sandler.)

Fred Wolf (written by) – (Known For: I Want Candy; Future BMT: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Without a Paddle; Joe Dirt; Black Sheep; Dirty Work; BMT: Grown Ups 2; Strange Wilderness; Grown Ups; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Grown Ups 2 in 2014; Notes: Was the head writer for SNL, and a director as well. He directed the BMT classic Strange Wilderness.)

Actors – Adam Sandler – (Known For: Uncut Gems; Murder Mystery; The Meyerowitz Stories; The Wedding Singer; Happy Gilmore; 50 First Dates; Punch-Drunk Love; Spanglish; Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; Hotel Transylvania; Billy Madison; Anger Management; Funny People; Hotel Transylvania 2; Reign Over Me; Top Five; Future BMT: The Animal; Little Nicky; Coneheads; The Week Of; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; The Hot Chick; Sandy Wexler; Eight Crazy Nights; Mr. Deeds; The Do-Over; The Cobbler; Bulletproof; Mixed Nuts; Bedtime Stories; The Waterboy; Airheads; Shakes the Clown; Click; Big Daddy; The Longest Yard; Dirty Work; Men, Women & Children; BMT: Jack and Jill; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; The Ridiculous 6; Zookeeper; Grown Ups 2; Pixels; Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Just Go with It; Blended; Notes: Famously threatened to make his worst movie yet if he didn’t get an Oscar nomination for his work in Uncut Gems. He didn’t get that nomination. And thus the countdown begins.)

Adam Sandler Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Jack and Jill in 2012; Winner for Worst Actor in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2012 for Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1997 for Bulletproof, and Happy Gilmore; in 1999 for The Waterboy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2003 for Eight Crazy Nights, and Mr. Deeds; in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; in 2015 for Blended; and in 2016 for Pixels, and The Cobbler; Nominee for Worst Screen Combo for The Cobbler in 2016; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy;

Salma Hayek – (Known For: From Dusk Till Dawn; The Hitman’s Bodyguard; Savages; Sausage Party; The Faculty; Here Comes the Boom; The Hummingbird Project; Traffic; Dogma; Desperado; Across the Universe; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; How to Be a Latin Lover; Frida; Tale of Tales; Muppets Most Wanted; Puss in Boots; The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!; Bandidas; Future BMT: Everly; Fled; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; Lessons in Love; 54; Fools Rush In; Ask the Dust; After the Sunset; The Velocity of Gary; Septembers of Shiraz; La chispa de la vida; Four Rooms; BMT: Wild Wild West; Fair Game; Grown Ups 2; Grown Ups; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2000 for Dogma, and Wild Wild West; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Notes: He is going to star as Ajak in the upcoming Marvel’s The Eternals.)

Kevin James – (Known For: 50 First Dates; Hitch; Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; Hotel Transylvania; Here Comes the Boom; Hotel Transylvania 2; Monster House; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Sandy Wexler; Barnyard; True Memoirs of an International Assassin; BMT: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2; Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Zookeeper; Pinocchio; The Dilemma; Grown Ups 2; Pixels; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay, Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Combo for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 in 2016; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; and in 2016 for Pixels; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry in 2008; Notes: There is an upcoming AMC show called Kevin can F— Himself, which is a play off of Kevin Can Wait, the comedy by Kevin James where they fired his sitcom wife in order to pair him up with Leah Remini again a la King of Queens.)

Budget/Gross – $80,000,000 / Domestic: $162,001,186 (Worldwide: $271,430,189)

(An absolute smash hit. Sandler was really flexing his comedy muscles with this one. This film felt a bit self-indulgent. It wouldn’t be until the second one where they really saw how little they could do (from a comedy standpoint) and still knock a hit out of the park.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (16/166): Grown Ups’ cast of comedy vets is amiable, but they’re let down by flat direction and the scattershot, lowbrow humor of a stunted script.

(Wow, that is a brutal critical reception. I’m surprised it is that low. Again, this film feels self-indulgent in that there is little effort being done, but it also kind of just feels like The Great Outdoors for another generation. Some comedy vets doing a little holiday hijinx. I’m genuinely shocked critics rebelled so clearly. Reviewer Highlight: Feels like the work of people who sat around a table for an hour or so tossing around hackneyed comic notions, then decided to slap them onto the screen and hope for the best. – Stephen Holden, New York Times)

Poster – Sklog Ups (A) 

grown_ups_ver2

(I … kind of love this poster. What does it tell us? These guys are all friends, it is the summer, they are older guys reliving the past maybe doing stuff they did as kids, and it has a boatload of famous comedians. That is all I need. It isn’t all white, it isn’t a bunch of faces staring at you … why is this poster so good?)

Tagline(s) – Boys will be boys… some longer than others. (A)

(I also like this tagline! WTF. It takes a classic phrase, and introduces the twist that tells us these are adults who are going to be acting like children during this film. Short and sweet. They put more work into the poster and tagline than they did into the script for this film.)

Keyword – fourth of july

GrownUps_fourth of july

Top 10: It (2017), Zodiac (2007), We’re the Millers (2013), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Grown Ups (2010), Steel Magnolias (1989), Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008), Cape Fear (1991), Independence Day (1996), Hannibal (2001)

Future BMT: 57.7 The Next Best Thing (2000), 55.9 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.7 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 49.3 Lottery Ticket (2010), 38.2 Chasers (1994), 34.1 The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009), 34.0 Mad Money (2008), 30.3 Amelia (2009), 24.2 Blown Away (1994), 18.1 Gung Ho (1986);

BMT: Grown Ups (2010), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Jonah Hex (2010), Safe Haven (2013), Tammy (2014), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Georgia Rule (2007), Here on Earth (2000)

(I love holiday films. I’m a bit skeptical of a few of these, like Mad Money, but I’m also pretty impressed about the number we have seen. It seems like maybe Fourth of July has become less of a temporal setting recently. Maybe because it is cheesy and expensive? Hard to tell if it is a real trend.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Adam Sandler is No. 1 billed in Grown Ups and No. 1 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Maya Rudolph really was pregnant with her second child during filming of this movie.

After the movie premiered, Adam Sandler bought each of his fellow cast members (Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, and David Spade) a brand new Maserati. Rock appreciated the gift but said it made him feel like “Adam Sandler’s bitch”. (hahaha)

Adam Sandler wrote and was set to release this movie in the mid 1990s, with Chris Farley in the Kevin James role. Farley’s death in 1997 halted production plans, and the film was shelved for more than a decade. (Naw it is better when you can have all of the characters have reasonably old children)

Kevin James’ character, Eric Lamonsoff, was also mentioned in another Adam Sandler movie; The Wedding Singer (1998), as a neighbor of Robbie Hart (Adam Sandler) during the scene where Robbie and Julia are negotiating prices for wedding pictures.

Studio executives were not enthused with reports that Salma Hayek would be cast in the film, and in a meeting suggested to Adam Sandler that they continue looking until they could get a “less ethnic” actress in the part. Sandler then told them he’d already offered Hayek the role and she’d accepted, adding that he would not consider re-casting the part and warned them not to bring the subject up again. (That’s pretty racist)

The “flashback” basketball game was filmed at the Huntington Avenue YMCA in Boston. It was filmed on a ninety-five-degree day in a gym with no air conditioning, and all of the extras in the stands were dressed in polyester. Adam Sandler was on-set with Dennis Dugan, and they both guided the team and the cheerleaders during the fifteen-hour shoot.

An early scene where the five male leads all sit in chairs outside the lakehouse in sunshine was actually extremely cold. External heaters were placed out of shot so the actors, who were all dressed in t-shirts and shorts, could warm themselves in between takes.

Adam Sandler’s wife Jackie makes an appearance in the movie when the guys are playing basketball near the end. She plays Tardio’s (Richie Minervini’s) wife. Their two daughters are the real daughters of Adam and Jackie Sandler. (She’s in the sequel as well)

The lake rope swing scene was added at the last second during filming. Adam Sandler told the story of how it happened to him and it was decided to include the scene in the movie. It was then decided it would be funnier if it happened to Eric Lamonsoff (Kevin James).

Despite the rather idyllic summer setting at the lakehouse in Massachusetts, at some point, it rained every day during production. (Is it supposed to be Massachusetts? Is it really? I really seems to me like it should be New Hampshire, but elsewhere it suggests it is in Connecticut like in the second film)

The zipline ride seen in the waterpark sequence is a fictional creation. Health and safety regulations would never allow customers to fly over concrete. (You fucking think?)

Adam Sandler wears a different New England area college shirt or hat in nearly every scene. The colleges that Sandler can be spotted wearing are University of Connecticut (hat), University of Massachusetts (t-shirt), Harvard (t-shirt) with a University of New Hampshire t-shirt, University of Rhode Island (hat), Vermont hockey, and Boston University (sweatshirt). He is also seen wearing a Whalers Hockey t-shirt.

Director Dennis Dugan directed his ex-wife Joyce Van Patten in this movie. Just like depicted in her character Gloria’s relationship with Rob Schneider, also Van Patten is older than Dugan. Though, their age difference (eleven years) is not quite as significant as that of the movie characters.

“Water Wizz”, the water park from the film was also featured in Maya Rudolph’s other film The Way, Way Back (2013).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Rob Schneider, 2011)

Rambo: Last Blood Preview

“This how you got there?” the gangster squad says looking into the prison tunnel where Jamie and Patrick first got to the BMTverse and met Nic Cage, “didn’t peg you for a criminal.” Patrick just shrugs somberly. He can’t stop thinking about Sticks and Stones. A dangerous pair for him and Jamie together, let alone on their own. “Well we better get down there before they find us,” Patrick says, but the gangsters put a hand on his shoulder. “Woah there, big guy, you don’t think we’d let you go down there alone. Who knows who or what is waiting for you on the other side. We got you a guide. Someone who knows the terrain, someone who spent some time as a prisoner in the BMTverse. He’ll help you get down there and find you brother and if he don’t we’ll kill him,” they laugh as they grasp Patrick’s hand. “Thanks,” Patrick replies, realizing that these gangsters are his friends. Ever since he and Jamie made it big on the Rich and Poe series he had forgotten what it was like to have a friend and he smiles. Just then his guide emerges from the tunnel “You ready to go?” he growls and Patrick is stunned. “Woah! Sly? What are you doing in the BMTverse? You don’t belong there. You’re the best! The best!” But the man shakes his head. “No, the name’s Rambo. And I’ve spent my fair share of time in the BMTverse,” he says looking into the distance, “You better believe it.” As Patrick attempts once again to enter the tunnel he’s even more shocked to see three more Rambos emerge from the tunnel of varying ages. “You better believe it,” they all growl in unison. That’s right! The third BMT Live! Of the year is upon us and it’s an extra special Rambo extravaganza. We waited with bated breath for Rambo: Last Blood to officially qualify and once it did we realized that Rambo: FIrst Blood Part II, Rambo III, Rambo, and Rambo: Last Blood all qualify for BMT. Ohhhhhhhhh boy. Let’s go!

Rambo: Last Blood (2019) – BMeTric: 2.8 

(I don’t tend to post the graphs for films that literally came out. There won’t really be a fair assessment of this film for years to drown out the massive influx of Stallone-heads which are currently giving it 7/10 on IMDb. I would imagine it’ll settle in the mid-6 range though.)

RogerEbert.com – 1 star –  Pretty much a rip-off through and through (it clocks in at just under 90 minutes, at least 10 of those dedicated to an end credits sequence featuring highlights from all the previous films, including the one that just concluded), “Rambo: Last Blood” is junk from start to finish.

(Oooof. The guy is quite down on it. I didn’t want to spoil my experience, but basically hoped Rambo would get an appropriate send off in the sequel to 2008’s Rambo … and now he kind of hopes Stallone does another one to give it another shot.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPuhNtG47M0/

(Actually a really good trailer. Gives you just enough to tell that’ll you’ll get all the gore you want in a Home-Alone-esque final sequence, and suggests a bit you’ll get closure for the character. All of that makes sense.)

Directors – Adrian Grunberg – (Known For: How I Spent My Summer Vacation; BMT: Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Mostly a second unit director for things like Apocalypto and Jack Reacher 2 … I’m starting to see a trend with these Rambo films where it is almost like Stallone himself might be directed them alongside the second unit directors he hires …)

Writers – Matthew Cirulnick (screenplay by) – (Known For: Paid in Full; BMT: Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Wrote a few television shows prior to this. Now has two more in production including Run Away with Me which seems to have Amber Heard attached.)

Sylvester Stallone (screenplay by & story by) – (Known For: First Blood; Creed II; Rocky; Creed; Homefront; The Expendables; Rocky Balboa; The Expendables 2; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Rocky II; The Lords of Flatbush; Paradise Alley; F.I.S.T; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Rocky V; Rocky IV; BMT: Driven; Rhinestone; Cobra; Over the Top; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Has five children. We saw Sage in Daylight. Sistine is a model / actress.)

Dan Gordon (story by) – (Known For: Wyatt Earp; The Hurricane; Murder in the First; The Assignment; Future BMT: Surf Ninjas; Passenger 57; The Celestine Prophecy; Let There Be Light; Gotcha!; BMT: Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Served as a captain in the Isreali Defence Force during their war with Lebanon.)

David Morrell (based on the character created by) – (Known For: First Blood; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: While Rambo is by far his most famous series, he has a few others including the Abelard Sanction series.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – (Known For: First Blood; Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2; Creed II; Rocky; Creed; Escape Plan; The Expendables; Rocky Balboa; The Expendables 2; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; Rocky II; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Antz; Bullet to the Head; Death Race 2000; Nighthawks; Future BMT: Escape Plan II; Staying Alive; Rocky V; D-Tox; Escape Plan 3; The Specialist; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Avenging Angelo; Backtrace; Ratchet & Clank; Collection; Assassins; Oscar; Rocky IV; BMT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Zookeeper; Rhinestone; Get Carter; Judge Dredd; Cobra; Over the Top; Daylight; The Expendables 3; Tango & Cash; Grudge Match; Lock Up; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Was married to Brigitte Nielsen for two years.)

Sylvester Stallone Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director, and Worst Actor for Rocky IV in 1986; Winner for Worst Screenplay, and Worst Actor for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Winner for Worst Actor in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1989 for Rambo III; and in 1993 for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Spy Kids 3: Game Over in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; Winner for Worst Actor of the Decade in 1990; Nominee for Worst Director for The Expendables in 2011; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1986 for Rocky IV; in 1987 for Cobra; in 1989 for Rambo III; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1994 for Cliffhanger; and in 2002 for Driven; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1987 for Cobra; in 1988 for Over the Top; in 1990 for Lock Up, and Tango & Cash; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1992 for Oscar; in 1995 for The Specialist; in 1996 for Assassins, and Judge Dredd; in 1997 for Daylight; in 2001 for Get Carter; and in 2014 for Bullet to the Head, Escape Plan, and Grudge Match; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Driven in 2002; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn in 1999; 

Paz Vega – (Known For: Sex and Lucía; Kill the Messenger; Spanglish; Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; Talk to Her; Acts of Vengeance; Los amantes pasajeros; Novo; 10 Items or Less; La vida inmoral de la pareja ideal; El otro lado de la cama; Angels of Evil; Sobreviviré; Future BMT: The Spirit; All Roads Lead to Rome; Grace of Monaco; Not Forgotten; Cat Run; Burning Palms; Fade to Black; BMT: Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Born in Spain, her father was a bullfighter and her sister is a Flamenco dancer)

Yvette Monreal – (Known For: Lowriders; BMT: Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Is going to feature in the upcoming DC television series Stargirl.)

Budget/Gross – < $50 million / N/A

(I think the expectation is for this to make $100 million. That is about what the fourth made and it was declared a success. I don’t really get that, the math doesn’t really make much sense to me, but perhaps it is because they go for a cheaper limited showtime run because of the gore or something? It is unclear. It might make it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (25/81): Like the sequels that preceded it, Rambo: Last Blood is content to indulge in bloody violence at the expense of its main character’s once-poignant story.

(Somehow this ended up being one of the worst reviewed of the entire series, which is pretty surprising considering how much people slam Rambo III online. Reviewer Highlight: “Rambo: Last Blood” features what’s easily the most violent movie scene of the year. It’s awesome. – Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post)

Poster – Poe: Last Sklog (B-)

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(I like a little more color on my posters, but this does have a pop and the font is just barely unique. Got some artistic flair. Amazing that all the way through the series we get Stallone centric posters every time. Even when he’s like a million years old and is starting to look like a monster.)

Tagline(s) – N/A (F)

(I don’t see these taglines on the poster… which is generally how I judge which one to grade. So I’m gonna give this an F and leave it. I’m sure some taglines were used in trailers and stuff but who has the time?)

Keyword(s) – fifth part; Top Ten by BMeTric: 91.2 Scary Movie 5 (2013); 71.2 Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988); 69.1 Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013); 68.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015); 67.9 Seed of Chucky (2004); 61.6 Transformers: The Last Knight (2017); 59.9 A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989); 58.9 A Good Day to Die Hard (2013); 58.1 Rocky V (1990); 55.6 Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989);

(I mean … yeah, I’m going to watch all of these films for BMT at some point. Makes me think we need to do more series. These all seem like they would be super fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rambo: Last Blood and No. 1 billed in Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 10. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – On December 6, 2018, Stallone stated that this would be the last “Rambo” film, saying that his character would “finally find what he assumes to be peace.” However, at Cannes 2019, Stallone stated that he would continue to play the character of John Rambo, should “Rambo: Last Blood” prove to be successful. (Noooooooo)

Stallone stated on his personal Instagram account : “Great day! We got our HARD R rating today! What’s coming is going to be unlike anything you have ever seen…” (Gross)

The plot to this movie was intended for Rambo (2008) but changed. It was also partially used for Homefront (2013) with Jason Statham. (Which, yeah, Stallone wrote)

The first Rambo movie that Sylvester Stallone doesn’t have long hair as in the previous films. (Good choice, although I kind of secretly wish in the fourth he had a glorious flowing mullet and everyone could be like “wow, old school” and he could be like “are these out of fashion or something? I’ve been living in Thailand for like two decades wrangling snakes by myself.”)

At 89 minutes, this is the shortest film in the ‘Rambo’ series. (Glory glory)

Rambo III Preview

“This how you got there?” the gangster squad says looking into the prison tunnel where Jamie and Patrick first got to the BMTverse and met Nic Cage, “didn’t peg you for a criminal.” Patrick just shrugs somberly. He can’t stop thinking about Sticks and Stones. A dangerous pair for him and Jamie together, let alone on their own. “Well we better get down there before they find us,” Patrick says, but the gangsters put a hand on his shoulder. “Woah there, big guy, you don’t think we’d let you go down there alone. Who knows who or what is waiting for you on the other side. We got you a guide. Someone who knows the terrain, someone who spent some time as a prisoner in the BMTverse. He’ll help you get down there and find you brother and if he don’t we’ll kill him,” they laugh as they grasp Patrick’s hand. “Thanks,” Patrick replies, realizing that these gangsters are his friends. Ever since he and Jamie made it big on the Rich and Poe series he had forgotten what it was like to have a friend and he smiles. Just then his guide emerges from the tunnel “You ready to go?” he growls and Patrick is stunned. “Woah! Sly? What are you doing in the BMTverse? You don’t belong there. You’re the best! The best!” But the man shakes his head. “No, the name’s Rambo. And I’ve spent my fair share of time in the BMTverse,” he says looking into the distance, “You better believe it.” As Patrick attempts once again to enter the tunnel he’s even more shocked to see three more Rambos emerge from the tunnel of varying ages. “You better believe it,” they all growl in unison. That’s right! The third BMT Live! Of the year is upon us and it’s an extra special Rambo extravaganza. We waited with bated breath for Rambo: Last Blood to officially qualify and once it did we realized that Rambo: FIrst Blood Part II, Rambo III, Rambo, and Rambo: Last Blood all qualify for BMT. Ohhhhhhhhh boy. Let’s go!

Rambo III (1988) – BMeTric: 40.3 

RamboIIIIMDb_BMeT

RamboIIIIMDb_RV

(Wowza. I actually think this is going to go the same way as Rambo II! This is going to eventually be considered (ironically) good by general audiences, but somehow critics think it is worse than ever. Go figure.)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  A definite improvement over part II, this one remains firmly footed in the genre of Idiot Action Movies, as our brawny hero goes behind Russian-dominated battle lines in Afghanistan to rescue his friend and former superior (Crenna) from a prison fortress. Lots of explosions to keep things lively – and some (unintentionally?) hilarious dialogue too. Followed 20 years later by Rambo.

(Kind of amazing that he thinks the third is the best. That actually is the consensus on Rotten Tomatoes, but online I’ve seen the opposite, that most fans of Rambo seem to think the third is the only truly terrible one of the bunch.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZemQdvthBs/

(WHO IS THIS JOHN RAMBO? Him exploding the helicopter (and them putting that in the trailer) is some of the craziest shit I’ve ever scene. This looks so dumb.)

Directors – Peter MacDonald – (Future BMT: Legionnaire; Mo’ Money; BMT: Rambo III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Appears to be a wildly successful second unit director, including for Guardians of the Galaxy and three Harry Potter films.)

Writers – David Morrell (characters) – (Known For: First Blood; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: He wrote a single episode of one television series. He wrote Habitat in the series Monsters, a horror anthology show.)

Sylvester Stallone (written by) – (Known For: First Blood; Creed II; Rocky; The Expendables; Creed; The Expendables 2; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Rocky II; The Lords of Flatbush; Paradise Alley; F.I.S.T; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Rocky V; Rocky IV; BMT: Driven; Rhinestone; Cobra; Over the Top; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: Is producing an Action/Drama television show with Dolph Lendgren called The International. It has a pilot order at CBS.)

Sheldon Lettich (written by) – (Future BMT: Legionnaire; Double Impact; A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave; Russkies; Max; Bloodsport; BMT: Rambo III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Became a very successful director through Jean-Claude Van Damme. He apparently discovered Mark Dacascos.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – (Known For: First Blood; Creed II; Rocky; Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2; The Expendables; Creed; The Expendables 2; Rocky Balboa; Escape Plan; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Escape to Victory; Rocky II; Cop Land; Bullet to the Head; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Death Race 2000; Antz; The Lords of Flatbush; Future BMT: Escape Plan II; Staying Alive; Rocky V; Escape Plan 3; D-Tox; The Specialist; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Avenging Angelo; Backtrace; Ratchet & Clank; Collection; Assassins; Oscar; Rocky IV; Rambo: Last Blood; BMT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Zookeeper; Rhinestone; Get Carter; Judge Dredd; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Cobra; Over the Top; Daylight; The Expendables 3; Tango & Cash; Grudge Match; Lock Up; Demolition Man; Notes: Was part owner of Planet Hollywood back in the day. Unlike the Hard Rock Cafe it eventually went out of business.)

Sylvester Stallone Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director, and Worst Actor for Rocky IV in 1986; Winner for Worst Screenplay, and Worst Actor for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Winner for Worst Actor in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1989 for Rambo III; and in 1993 for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Spy Kids 3: Game Over in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; Winner for Worst Actor of the Decade in 1990; Nominee for Worst Director for The Expendables in 2011; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1986 for Rocky IV; in 1987 for Cobra; in 1989 for Rambo III; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1994 for Cliffhanger; and in 2002 for Driven; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1987 for Cobra; in 1988 for Over the Top; in 1990 for Lock Up, and Tango & Cash; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1992 for Oscar; in 1995 for The Specialist; in 1996 for Assassins, and Judge Dredd; in 1997 for Daylight; in 2001 for Get Carter; and in 2014 for Bullet to the Head, Escape Plan, and Grudge Match; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Driven in 2002; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn in 1999;

Richard Crenna – (Known For: First Blood; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Body Heat; Sabrina; Wait Until Dark; The Sand Pebbles; The Flamingo Kid; Marooned; Un flic; Breakheart Pass; Table for Five; Future BMT: Death Ship; Leviathan; Wrongfully Accused; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Summer Rental; A Pyromaniac’s Love Story; Jonathan Livingston Seagull; BMT: Jade; Rambo III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Won an Emmy for his starring role in the television movie The Rape of Richard Beck.)

Marc de Jonge – (Known For: Empire of the Sun; Future BMT: Un indien dans la ville; BMT: Rambo III; Notes: Died in a crazy accident in which, after forgetting the keys to his apartment, he attempted to scale the building and fell to his death.)

Budget/Gross – $58–63 million / Domestic: $53,715,611 (Worldwide: $189,015,611)

(Again, a smash hit worldwide. I would actually say this is kind of the start to Rambo being much more of an international sensation than a domestic hit. The budgets tend to be recouped via strong international numbers.)

#25 for the Travelogue – Middle East genre

rambo3_middleeast

(Not surprisingly the Middle East wasn’t much of a Hollywood setting prior to 2001, the late 80s was kind of a small initially bump. It is now a pretty consistent staple for, presumably, action films.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (13/34): Rambo III finds its justice-dispensing hero far from the thoughtful drama that marked the franchise’s beginning — and just as far from quality action thriller entertainment.

(Online the general consensus seems to be that Rambo III is the worst of the sequels. Ironically that is the only one that didn’t qualify for BMT up until recently, so at the time I would imagine critics generally disagreed. Reviewer Highlight: Mr. Stallone has by now made Rambo parody-proof, since the character is every bit as laughable as he is grandiose; that’s part of the fun. – Janet Maslin, New York Times)

Poster – Poe III (C-)

rambo_iii

(Oh boy… that’s really the poster? That might be the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. This is what happens when the poster is just the star and nothing else. Probably had whoever making it like “what else should I put on the poster?” and everyone was like who cares… just Stallone and so they threw a bunch of garbage on it.)

Tagline(s) – The first was for himself. The second for his country. This time it’s to save his friend. (A+)

(Pretty much perfect. Hard to be more concise than this for a three part tagline like this so I’ll let that slide. Just really nice.)

Keyword(s) – navajo indian; Top Ten by BMeTric: 60.6 Skinwalkers (2006); 40.3 Rambo III (1988); 29.4 Windtalkers (2002); 23.0 Room 237 (I) (2012); 19.9 The Trial of Billy Jack (1974); 19.1 Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985); 17.0 Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory (1990); 16.3 Nightwing (1979); 16.3 Stay Away, Joe (1968); 14.2 Billy Jack (1971);

(Multiple Billy Jack films? These are *checks notes* apparently a series of films starring Tom Laughlin from the 70s? How quaint.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rambo III and No. 1 billed in Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 10. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Sylvester Stallone asked for a Gulfstream jet (cost: twelve million dollars) as part of his pay for the film. He got one.

With its 63 million dollar budget, this was the most expensive film ever made at the time of its release. (Wow)

The last Rambo film to star Richard Crenna as Colonel Sam Trautman. He passed away on January 17, 2003, before a fourth film could be made. The fourth film, Rambo (2008), was dedicated to his memory. (Wouldn’t have made sense for him to be in it anyways)

Director Peter MacDonald stated in the DVD commentary that for the scenes involving Rambo and Colonel Trautman inside the Monks’ Temple, the temple itself was a real temple in Thailand undergoing renovation at the time of filming. Also, many of the Monk extras were in fact real Monks from that very temple who were paid to appear as extras for those scenes (along with additional extras who were merely dressed as Monks for the scene).

Original director Russell Mulcahy was replaced after two weeks of filming by Peter MacDonald due to creative differences. Three cinematographers also left. (This sounds like Stallone actually directed this film …)

Working title was Full Circle: First Blood Part III (Oof)

Five years later, Richard Crenna parodied his role in the spoof Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993). Just like Colonel Trautman, his character personally sought out the main protagonist (played by Charlie Sheen) in a location somewhere in Southeast Asia to ask for help, and was also captured by the enemies forces, this time the Iraqis. (Cool)

One scene has Rambo playing a game on horseback. In reality, Sylvester Stallone has been riding horses since childhood and even competed in his first polo match at age eleven. (But … why can Rambo ride horses as well as these guys? Riddle me that. I guess he just like rode a lot in Arizona, but he’s been living in Thailand for years at this point)

Extra dialogue was filmed but cut from the scene where Griggs informs Rambo of Trautman’s capture and then tells Rambo that he is really sorry. In the deleted footage, Griggs firmly tells Rambo about the impossibilities of sending a rescue force in after Rambo asks why he won’t do anything about it. Some of this deleted dialogue however can be seen in the trailer. (I think this is back in the remastered edition)

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone, 1989)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Buzz Feitshans, 1989)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Richard Crenna, 1989)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Peter MacDonald, 1989)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Sylvester Stallone, Sheldon Lettich, 1989)

Rambo: First Blood Part II Preview

“This how you got there?” the gangster squad says looking into the prison tunnel where Jamie and Patrick first got to the BMTverse and met Nic Cage, “didn’t peg you for a criminal.” Patrick just shrugs somberly. He can’t stop thinking about Sticks and Stones. A dangerous pair for him and Jamie together, let alone on their own. “Well we better get down there before they find us,” Patrick says, but the gangsters put a hand on his shoulder. “Woah there, big guy, you don’t think we’d let you go down there alone. Who knows who or what is waiting for you on the other side. We got you a guide. Someone who knows the terrain, someone who spent some time as a prisoner in the BMTverse. He’ll help you get down there and find you brother and if he don’t we’ll kill him,” they laugh as they grasp Patrick’s hand. “Thanks,” Patrick replies, realizing that these gangsters are his friends. Ever since he and Jamie made it big on the Rich and Poe series he had forgotten what it was like to have a friend and he smiles. Just then his guide emerges from the tunnel “You ready to go?” he growls and Patrick is stunned. “Woah! Sly? What are you doing in the BMTverse? You don’t belong there. You’re the best! The best!” But the man shakes his head. “No, the name’s Rambo. And I’ve spent my fair share of time in the BMTverse,” he says looking into the distance, “You better believe it.” As Patrick attempts once again to enter the tunnel he’s even more shocked to see three more Rambos emerge from the tunnel of varying ages. “You better believe it,” they all growl in unison. That’s right! The third BMT Live! Of the year is upon us and it’s an extra special Rambo extravaganza. We waited with bated breath for Rambo: Last Blood to officially qualify and once it did we realized that Rambo: FIrst Blood Part II, Rambo III, Rambo, and Rambo: Last Blood all qualify for BMT. Ohhhhhhhhh boy. Let’s go!

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) – BMeTric: 19.1 

RamboFirstBloodPartIIIMDb_BMeT

RamboFirstBloodPartIIIMDb_RV

(Amazingly, low 5’s is actually really rather low. That is a genuine people-think-this-movie-is-bad rating. And then it rises all the way to mid-6’s which is a genuine average score. I think this is a rare film where public sentiment has officially shifted towards irony. To be ironically bad is to be good, whatever that is worth I suppose.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Comic-book action saga of one-man army who goes to Cambodia in search of American MIAs and finds he’s been duped by Uncle Sam. Never boring but incredibly dumb; if one were to take it seriously, it would also be offensive, as it exploits real-life frustrations of MIA families and Vietnam vets. 

(Oh snap, Leonard spitting fire at Rambo. I do like the sound of never boring, but yeah … I think Rambo goes a bit off the rails right after it immediately abandons the PTSD-focused storyline of the original. But I’m ready for some ‘splosions.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQGJAIYtWD4/

(The initial muscle shot is sooooooo good. It is actually how they start the Rambo transformation scenes in the cartoon Rambo: Freedom Force. And what a soundtrack, obviously just filled with baggers. I’m amped, let’s go!)

Directors – George P. Cosmatos – (Known For: Tombstone; Of Unknown Origin; Future BMT: Shadow Conspiracy; Leviathan; The Cassandra Crossing; BMT: Cobra; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Notes: His son, Panos Cosmatos, is also a director. He directed Mandy with Nic Cage.)

Writers – David Morrell (based on characters created by) – (Known For: First Blood; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: He has a character credit on the porn parody Rambone XXX: A DreamZone Parody.)

Kevin Jarre (story by) – (Known For: Tombstone; The Mummy; Glory; Future BMT: The Devil’s Own; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Notes: Son of Brian Kelly who starred in Flipper. Was adopted by composer Maurice Jarre.)

Sylvester Stallone (screenplay by) – (Known For: First Blood; Creed II; Rocky; Creed; Homefront; The Expendables; Rocky Balboa; The Expendables 2; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Rocky II; The Lords of Flatbush; Paradise Alley; F.I.S.T; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Rocky V; Rocky IV; BMT: Driven; Rhinestone; Cobra; Over the Top; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Notes: His staunch refusal to allow Rocky to move forward without him starring apparently inspired Paul Reubens to hold out for Tim Burton with Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.)

James Cameron (screenplay by) – (Known For: Alita: Battle Angel; Titanic; The Terminator; Terminator 2: Judgment Day; Avatar; Aliens; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; True Lies; The Abyss; Strange Days; Future BMT: Piranha Part Two: The Spawning; Terminator Genisys; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Notes: Has been working on his Avatar sequels for years now. The second one is supposed to involve a lot of underwater filming.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – (Known For: First Blood; Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2; Creed II; Rocky; Creed; Escape Plan; The Expendables; Rocky Balboa; The Expendables 2; Rocky III; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; Rocky II; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Antz; Bullet to the Head; Death Race 2000; Nighthawks; Future BMT: Escape Plan II; Staying Alive; Rocky V; D-Tox; Escape Plan 3; The Specialist; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Avenging Angelo; Backtrace; Ratchet & Clank; Collection; Assassins; Oscar; Rocky IV; BMT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Zookeeper; Rhinestone; Get Carter; Judge Dredd; Cobra; Over the Top; Daylight; The Expendables 3; Tango & Cash; Grudge Match; Lock Up; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Demolition Man; Notes: The big news story of the week is that apparently he tried and failed to seduce Princess Diana in 1993 as a party thrown by Elton John.)

Sylvester Stallone Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director, and Worst Actor for Rocky IV in 1986; Winner for Worst Screenplay, and Worst Actor for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Winner for Worst Actor in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1989 for Rambo III; and in 1993 for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Spy Kids 3: Game Over in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; Winner for Worst Actor of the Decade in 1990; Nominee for Worst Director for The Expendables in 2011; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1986 for Rocky IV; in 1987 for Cobra; in 1989 for Rambo III; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1994 for Cliffhanger; and in 2002 for Driven; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1987 for Cobra; in 1988 for Over the Top; in 1990 for Lock Up, and Tango & Cash; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1992 for Oscar; in 1995 for The Specialist; in 1996 for Assassins, and Judge Dredd; in 1997 for Daylight; in 2001 for Get Carter; and in 2014 for Bullet to the Head, Escape Plan, and Grudge Match; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Driven in 2002; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn in 1999;

Richard Crenna – (Known For: First Blood; Body Heat; Sabrina; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Wait Until Dark; The Sand Pebbles; The Flamingo Kid; Marooned; Breakheart Pass; Un flic; Table for Five; Future BMT: Death Ship; Leviathan; Wrongfully Accused; Summer Rental; A Pyromaniac’s Love Story; Jonathan Livingston Seagull; BMT: Jade; Rambo III; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Rambo III in 1989; Notes: Trautman was supposed to be in the fourth film, btu Crenna died of heart failure in 2003.)

Charles Napier – (Known For: The Silence of the Lambs; The Blues Brothers; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Philadelphia; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Lords of Dogtown; The Manchurian Candidate; The Cable Guy; Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron; Supervixens; Beyond the Valley of the Dolls; Beloved; Married to the Mob; Something Wild; The Grifters; Swing Shift; Melvin and Howard; Maniac Cop 2; Miami Blues; Original Gangstas; Future BMT: Nutty Professor II: The Klumps; Jury Duty; The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard; Annapolis; Loaded Weapon 1; The Kid & I; Last Embrace; BMT: Steel; Ernest Goes to Jail; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Notes: He apparently played in two Kentucky high school state basketball championships, and was in the Air Force.)

Budget/Gross – $25.5 million / Domestic: $150,415,432 (Worldwide: $300,400,432)

(That is a huge success. Sylvester Stallone and early 80s action really was something to behold at the time. It must have been wild to see him just slowly descend into madness.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (15/41):

(Do I have to write a consensus? With a mixed message, and Stallone-as-caricature instead of character it is easy to see this as a bad movie … but then why do I like it so much? Reviewer Highlight: So powerful and intoxicating is this kind of movie hero that when we see him operating in a flaw-riddled movie like ”Rambo” we realize that heroic action can override almost any script. – Gene Siskel, Chicago Tribune.)

Poster – Poe: First Sklog Part II (A – I mean.. It’s amazing and there’s nothing you can do to make me change my mind…. Sure the font isn’t very good…. OK and the spacing is real weird with the large border… and why are there so many words?… what’s with the fire?… and particularly the tiny Rambo next to the title? OK, nevermind. This is bonkers. C.)

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(Patrick’s Shallow Fake: The hardest bit here was getting the lighting right on the face. I tried to add it post, but nothing looked as good as just shining a lamp on my face while taking a selfie. This is what I would call a “full poster” where I altered everything to fit a new “fake” movie starring myself as Poe.)

Tagline(s) – They sent him on a mission and set him up to fail. But they made one mistake. They forgot they were dealing with Rambo. (C-)

(This is actually a funny tagline, right? Almost a spoof. I also love the idea that they “forgot” they were dealing with Rambo… as if he’s world famous. He starts the movie in a prison. Too long. Not clever. But hilarious.)

Keyword(s) – propaganda; Top Ten by BMeTric: 84.2 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994); 70.0 Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008); 60.6 Tell Your Children (1936); 50.7 Teeth (I) (2007); 49.3 2016: Obama’s America (2012); 46.0 Li hai le, wo de guo (2018); 43.7 Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016); 40.3 Rambo III (1988); 39.1 Iron Eagle (1986); 34.7 The Clonus Horror (1979);

(Ha! Sounds about right. Kind of amazing Rambo III even makes the list. Let’s see, Iron Eagle will be watched (the entire series). I’ve seen Neighbors 2 … I don’t see how that is propaganda. This does remind me we have to finish off the Police Academy series at some point.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rambo: First Blood Part II and No. 1 billed in Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 10. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Co-writer James Cameron claims that he only wrote the first draft of the script, and that Sylvester Stallone made many changes to it. Cameron had originally paired Rambo with a humorous sidekick, and had fleshed out the prisoners of war with elaborate backstories that were to be revealed over the course of the film. However, Stallone reportedly didn’t like that the sidekick got all the cool dialogue, and also scrapped most of the POW’s backstories to the point where Cameron claimed that “they might as well have gotten to the jungle to pick up a six-pack of beer”. When the film was released, the political content of the movie was considered controversial, with many feeling that the Vietnam War was altered to look and sound heroic. Cameron commented that he only wrote the action, and that Stallone wrote the politics. (Sounds about right)

At the time of filming (1985), there were close to 2,500 Vietnam vets still Missing-In-Action.

The only film in the Rambo series to be nominated for an Oscar. (Wow. The original is quite good, so that is surprising)

The original title was First Blood II, but Sylvester Stallone decided he wanted the series to be named after the lead character, just like the Rocky series. So he re-titled it “Rambo: First Blood Part II” so he could name the third film Rambo III (1988) instead of First Blood III. (Sounds about right)

To prepare for this role, Sylvester Stallone did eight months of training for four hours a day. He also took SWAT combat, archery and survival courses.

James Cameron’s original screenplay began with Colonel Trautman finding Rambo in a psychiatric hospital instead of a prison. The psychiatric hospital concept was instead depicted in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991). (Awesome idea. James Cameron is a national treasure)

Dolph Lundgren was initially signed as the Russian Lieutenant Colonel Podovsky (played by Steven Berkoff), when Sylvester Stallone realized that it was the same man who was going to be in Rocky IV (1985), so they paid off the contract.

James Cameron wrote a treatment/screenplay not only for this film, but at the same time also for Aliens (1986) as well as additional drafts for The Terminator (1984) while production on the latter was being delayed. He worked at a different desk on each script to keep the projects separated.

Sylvester Stallone said of the first draft: “I think that James Cameron is a brilliant talent, but I thought the politics were important, such as a right-wing stance coming from Trautman and his nemesis, Murdock, contrasted by Rambo’s obvious neutrality, which I believe is explained in Rambo’s final speech. I realize his speech at the end may have caused millions of viewers to burst veins in their eyeballs by rolling them excessively, but the sentiment stated was conveyed to me by many veterans…. [Also] in his original draft it took nearly 30-40 pages to have any action initiated and Rambo was partnered with a tech-y sidekick. So it was more than just politics that were put into the script. There was also a simpler story line. If James Cameron says anything more than that, then he realizes he’s now doing the backstroke badly in a pool of lies”. (Okay … literally parroting speeches by veterans isn’t actually “neutral”, at least I don’t think so. No offense meant, but I think this is precisely why people like James Cameron thought the politics were a little off. Stallone is a brilliant writer for action, especially in the 80s where he literally rewrote the genre, but his dialogue and vision for his protagonists are straight up bad. End rant.)

Rambo’s stats, as given in the film: “Rambo, John J., born 7/6/47 Bowie, Arizona of Indian-German descent. Joined army 8/6/64. Accepted, Special Forces specialization, light weapons, cross-trained as medic. Helicopter and language qualified, 59 confirmed kills, two Silver Stars, four Bronze, four Purple Hearts, Distinguished Service Cross, Medal of Honor.”

According to the documentary We Get to Win This Time (2002), the producers considered teaming up Sylvester Stallone with his Staying Alive (1983) protégé John Travolta (who was once considered to play Rambo himself in the first film) as Rambo’s young partner in rescuing the American POWs. Stallone nixed this idea when he decided it would be better to make the film a solo project. (That documentary sounds awful. What an awful title)

First film to appear in 2,000+ U.S. theaters. (That’s cool)

Despite its anti-government stance, the film had a big fan in then-President Ronald Reagan. (I don’t think it is really anti-government. It is anti-anti-war governments basically, or like … against an imaginary strawman version of people who “lost the Vietnam War”)

Lieutenant Colonol Padovsky is the only villain to have any lines in English. (Extremely good choice)

In the movie, John Rambo’s birthday is July 6, 1947. Sylvester Stallone’s birthday is July 6, 1946, exactly 1 year earlier. (He made himself one year younger)

When Sylvester Stallone ranked his preference of the Rambo films on the UK chat show Graham Norton, he ranked this one 4th, his least favorite, as it was “like a cartoon”. (That is interesting, I think it is the best actual action film of the bunch)

All of the shots of the military base were done on a Mexican Air Force airstrip. The logos have been painted over or obscured, and the real crew always have their backs toward the camera or are far enough away from the camera so no one would notice.

In scenes where arrows are being shot, they are attached with wire so they land in the right spot without hurting anyone. (Ah the same thing magicians do)

Remarkably this film has a great deal of foundation in fact. In the early 1980s US Delta Force commandos prepared for a possible mission to rescue US prisoners of war held in Southeast Asia just as they do under Colonel Trautman. However their efforts were stymied by Colonel Bo Gritz, like John Rambo a much decorated former Green Beret and Vietnam War veteran, who launched his own abortive attempts to stage a private rescue raid. A subsequent government inquiry headed by Senators/Vietnam veterans Bob Smith, John Kerry and John McCain (himself a former POW who was held and tortured for 5 years) concluded there were no prisoners left behind and vilified individuals perpetuating the idea as attempting to defraud desperate families. (Lol … so basically explicitly shitting on the entire idea of this film)

Awards – Nominee for the Oscar for Best Effects, Sound Effects Editing (Fred J. Brown, 1986)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Buzz Feitshans, 1986)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone, 1986)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Sylvester Stallone, James Cameron, Kevin Jarre, 1986)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Original Song (Frank Stallone, Peter Schless, Jerry Goldsmith, 1986)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Julia Nickson, 1986)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (George P. Cosmatos, 1986)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Julia Nickson, 1986)

Lost & Found Preview

Jamie and Patrick sit dejected in their tuxedos. Stallone just left, having thanked them profusely for winning him an Oscar for the 6-hour double feature release of Rich and Po3: Dark Web 3D/Daylight. ‘The irony!’ the critics exclaimed about the film. ‘A classic send-up of Hollywood excess!’ they raved. Sigh. Can’t anyone make something bad anymore? But Patrick isn’t so easily discouraged. “Time to put our big boy cable-knit sweaters on and get back to it. What should the fourth film be called?” But Jamie isn’t hearing it and rips off the sleeves of his tuxedo. “It’s time to take matters into our own hands and enter the tournament of champions ourselves. I know we can win. Look at these big ol’ muscles.” But Patrick insists that they need to find Rich and Poe. Nic Cage was very clear. “Humph,” sighs Jamie, “write it then. But I’m going back.” With that he reaches for the power in Patrick and *blink* he’s gone. Patrick tries to follow, but the power within him doesn’t work that way. He sighs and settles down to write. Hours later, and only a few words typed, he hears a knock at the door. Opening it, two police officers greet him. “Bad Movie Twins? I’m Detective Lost and this is my partner Found. May we come in?” They look vaguely familiar to Patrick. That’s right! We’re watching Lost & Found starring the one and only David Spade. I didn’t even really know that this film existed until I was searching for a poorly reviewed Martin Sheen film and this seemed to fit the bill. And lest you get concerned that it wasn’t a real movie it got released to 2500 theaters and still has the 46th worst opening for a wide release film of all time. Probably because it was released at the same time as The Matrix… otherwise I’m sure it would have made mad bank.

Meanwhile, Jamie is back in the wasteland of the BMTverse. Better start his walk to New Angeles. In the distance a plume of dust rises and a bunch of rollerbladers approach. “Finally,” Jamie thinks, “some people a rad as I am instead of that dumb Patrick and his dumb scripts. Maybe they can help me find this tournament.” But as they approach they seem to morph into one dark figure… and the air around Jamie turns cold. That’s right! We’re watching the Joe Estevez vehicle Soultaker. We picked this mostly because it actually stars Estevez, rather than just featuring him, and seemed ridiculous, without us realizing it was a MST3K film from season 10. Apparently a well regarded episode, so something to watch in conjunction with the film.

Lost & Found (1999) – BMeTric: 41.8 

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(Pretty stable. Seems like a genuine bad film, which everyone agrees is bad, and it only doesn’t cross the 50 mark because no one bothers to watch it. Just wait for the Bad Movie Twins bump!)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars – Spade plots to win his beautiful new neighbor’s affections while they search for her missing dog – which he has kidnapped. Crude, offensive, unoriginal, often painful to watch; only redeeming feature is the engaging Marceau. Fundamental error: her “slimy” ex-boyfriend is more likeable than the leading man. Spade also takes credit as cowriter. 

(Judging by the preview I find it hard to believe the boyfriend is more likeable. Crude and offensive is better than boring and unfunny. As a matter of fact, Maltin doesn’t really say it isn’t funny. It probably isn’t, but that is maybe a promising sign.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUNgL4jTPeQ/

(That music! That voiceover! I remember the “you couldn’t raise my shorts with a crane” joke … otherwise I literally don’t remember anything about this film. Looks dumb.)

Directors – Jeff Pollack – (Known For: Above the Rim; Future BMT: Booty Call; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: I think he was a music video director, and then ended up producing and writing Fresh Prince. His directorial efforts all seem somewhat out of nowhere to be honest.)

Writers – J.B. Cook (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Not much about him, except he then went on to write / produce mostly cartoons including Kind of the Hill.)

Marc Meeks (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Almost all of his credits are for Location Management, which he now does for Netflix. If I were to guess I think he was likely in the general Sandler / Happy Madison production team, but never really got credits. He did other management stuff, and then got hired on in a more official capacity at Netflix after Sandler’s deal. Again, entirely a guess.)

David Spade (written by) – (Future BMT: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Joe Dirt; BMT: Lost & Found; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: Became famous alongside Chris Farley and Adam Sandler on SNL in the early 90s. Ended up starring in a series of buddy comedies with Farley prior to his death.)

Actors – David Spade – (Known For: Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; The Emperor’s New Groove; Hotel Transylvania; Reality Bites; Tommy Boy; Hotel Transylvania 2; A Very Brady Sequel; Politically Correct Party Animals; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; The Rugrats Movie; Light Sleeper; Future BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Coneheads; Loser; Sandy Wexler; Racing Stripes; Father of the Year; The Do-Over; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag; Joe Dirt; Senseless; Black Sheep; Entourage; BMT: Jack and Jill; The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; The Benchwarmers; Lost & Found; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: His older brother was the husband of the designer Kate Spade who passed away in 2018.)

Sophie Marceau – (Known For: Braveheart; The World Is Not Enough; A Midsummer Night’s Dream; Al di là delle nuvole; Female Agents; Un bonheur n’arrive jamais seul; Firelight; Future BMT: Ne te retourne pas; Anna Karenina; BMT: Lost & Found; Alex & Emma; Notes: A very famous French Actress she’s been attached, but never married to a series of equally famous French directors / producers / actors including Christopher Lambert for 7 years.)

Ever Carradine – (Known For: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; Dead & Breakfast; Future BMT: My Boss’s Daughter; Bubble Boy; Foxfire; Safelight; Constellation; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Daughter of Robert Carradine and married to Coby Brown who is a film composer.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $6,552,255

(Absolutely brutal. A top fifty worst wide openings ever, plausibly because they thought it could perform like There’s Something About Mary … but it didn’t.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (7/52): Aside from a few laughs, everything else is entirely predictable, including the jokes.

(Predictable and not funny … great. Reviewer Highlight: A rancid little nothing of a movie! – Stephen Holden, New York Times)

Poster – Sklog-st & Found (F)

lost_and_found

(Oh boy… I’m trying to imagine seeing that in a theater. It’s like an anti-advertisement. Look at all that empty space? And no color scheme. And terrible font. And not even clear it’s telling me anything about the film. It’s simply awful.)

Tagline(s) – A comedy about a guy who would do anything to get the girl of his dreams – and did! (F)

One of these dogs must be Spade. (either an A+ or an F)

(The first is stupid and a bit embarrassing. The second is one that I’ll hold close to my heart for all eternity. It’s off the chains in both a supremely terrible and kinda good way. It’s like the BMT of taglines. So bad that it’s great.)

Keyword(s) – dognapping; Top Ten by BMeTric: 64.4 102 Dalmatians (2000); 46.4 Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017); 45.8 Beethoven (1992); 43.5 101 Dalmatians (1996); 41.8 Lost & Found (I) (1999); 33.3 Good Boy! (2003); 28.4 Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996); 21.2 Our Idiot Brother (2011); 16.9 Wrong (I) (2012); 14.8 Ingrid Goes West (2017);

(Wowza, likely our first dognapping film I guess. Those top four qualify from a quality perspective, although it is a bit unclear if Once Upon a Time in Venice was actually released to theaters. I don’t think it was.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Spade is No. 1 billed in Lost & Found and No. 4 billed in Grown Ups, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 15. If we were to watch Senseless, and Wicker Park we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The part of Wally Slack was originally written for Chris Farley. After his death, it went to Artie Lange. (Makes sense)