“Good night’s rest? What am I missing?” Kyle says as Jamie and Patrick walk him into a costume store. We see a Pretty Woman style montage of him trying out different outfits, but each time they shake their heads. Sure Kyle is pulling off the Little Bo Peep costume, but it’s not quite right. When Kyle comes out of the changing room in a detective costume, though, Jamie and Patrick immediately high five. “The plan can’t fail,” Jamie assures Kyle, “Where is the best place to get a good night’s rest where babies aren’t allowed? In Jail. And then Patrick will be free to snooze away any thought of an extended vacation in Europe. Just bust in, say he’s under arrest and bring him back here.” Kyle nods his head, but he’s already visibly shaking. “Stage fright,” whispers Patrick with a note of concern, but Jamie puts a hand up to stop him. Kyle can and will do this.
An hour later they are back up on their perch above a fully functioning mock jail being manned by LePumice and Ty. Looking through their binoculars they see Kyle prepare to enter BMTHQ. He busts in, fake gun held high. “Freeze you dirtbags,” he yells, “You mofos are def under arrest for being dirty dirtbags. At least Patrick is. The one named Patrick.” He’s totally messing it up. “We gotta get down there and stop him,” Patrick says, but before they can make it down, they see Kyle leading them both out of the office. “Come with me, perps. Get ready for your perp walk. We’re going to my loft. That’s where I take criminals because I’m a dirty cop who doesn’t play by rules.” Jamie and Patrick shake their heads in horror and both ask the obvious question, “What loft?” That’s right, we’re watching The Loft. It’s a film that everyone remembers. You know the one. It’s based on a Belgian film… stars a bunch of TV actors… yeah, that one. But most importantly it brings us one step closer to being Wentworth Miller completionists (the ultimate goal of BMT). Let’s go!
The Loft (2014) – BMeTric: 23.4; Notability: 34
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 28.0%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.9%; Higher BMeT: Left Behind, The Legend of Hercules, Ouija, God’s Not Dead, Devil’s Due, The Pyramid, A Haunted House 2, Tammy, Sex Tape, I, Frankenstein, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, Behaving Badly, Outcast, Dying of the Light, Annabelle, Everly, Annie, Vampire Academy, Pompeii, Addicted, and 50 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Age of Extinction, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Exodus: Gods and Kings, Transcendence, A Million Ways to Die in the West, Dracula Untold, Dumb and Dumber To, The Monuments Men, Annie, Seventh Son, Winter’s Tale, Think Like a Man Too, Horrible Bosses 2, Need for Speed, The Expendables 3, Men, Women & Children, Ride Along, The Nut Job, Vampire Academy, Pompeii, and 13 more; Lower RT: Behaving Badly, Left Behind, Cam2Cam, Outcast, I, Frankenstein, The Legend of Hercules, Ouija, Some Kind of Beautiful, Addicted, A Haunted House 2, The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, The Cobbler, Search Party, Dying of the Light, God’s Not Dead, The Best of Me, No Good Deed, Seventh Son, Winter’s Tale, Taken 3, and 2 more; Notes: I had to go and check the archive results, but indeed, there was a few aberrations here, I think because IMDb started to lose the thread a bit about when this film actually was coming out. My guess is that the very high rating is from people thinking they were rating one of the originals. The eventually rating of 6.3 is waaaaaaaaaay too high for this film. I don’t really get it, but I also don’t have an explanation.
RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – In preparing to review the new thriller “The Loft,” I was surprised to discover that not only is it a remake of a 2008 film that was an enormous hit in its native Belgium, it was previously remade in the Netherlands in 2010–indeed, the film’s director, Erik van Looy, not only helmed the original but also worked on the Dutch version as well. I am not surprised by the fact that this story has been told three times in such a short period of time–hey, the beloved classic “The Maltese Falcon” was actually the third cinematic go-around for that tale in less than a decade. No, what surprises me is that I would have thought that by this third stab at this particular narrative, all of the implausibilities and idiocies would have been ironed out. Alas, this long-delayed would-be erotic thriller is a shabby bore that promises viewers any number of kinky thrills and then proceeds to deflate those expectations.
(Yup, that sounds right. Having now seen the film I’m inclined to agree, it is shocking that this is the tale that is being told the third time around. Although it is impossible watch the original, so I also wonder whether the set up is the same across all of the films, but the resolution is somewhat dependant on the director or something.)
(Oooooo looks intense. Urban! Miller! Marsden! What a cast. What a mystery! Yeah I’m joking this looks like garbage.)
Directors – Erik Van Looy – ( Known For: Loft; The Memory of a Killer; Shades; Ad Fundum; BMT: The Loft; Notes: He directed the original Flemish production. He is also the host of The Smartest Person in the World, a very famous game show in Belgium.)
Writers – Bart De Pauw – ( Known For: Loft; Loft; BMT: The Loft; Notes: The Flemish writer, he does exclusively Belgian productions, and gets credit from writing the original.)
Wesley Strick – ( Known For: Cape Fear; Arachnophobia; Wolf; Return to Paradise; Final Analysis; True Believer; Love Is the Drug; Future BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Saint; The Glass House; BMT: Doom; The Loft; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Final Analysis in 1993; Notes: Was in the band The Commotion in the 80s, and according to IMDb was the first person to write a script for Scorsese and be allowed to stay on set.)
Actors – Karl Urban – ( Known For: The Sea Beast; Thor: Ragnarok; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; Star Trek; Dredd; Star Trek Beyond; RED; Star Trek Into Darkness; Riddick; The Bourne Supremacy; Pete’s Dragon; And Soon the Darkness; Bent; Acts of Vengeance; Hangman; The Price of Milk; Out of the Blue; Truth About Demons; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; BMT: Doom; Ghost Ship; The Loft; Priest; Pathfinder; Notes: Urban is a legend in BMT circles. He has a particular style of acting which when used well (The Boys) hits just the right note, but when used poorly (Priest) is at least very amusing. He’s from New Zealand.)
James Marsden – ( Known For: Sonic the Hedgehog 2; The Notebook; Sonic the Hedgehog; X-Men; X-Men: Days of Future Past; 27 Dresses; X-Men: The Last Stand; Hairspray; Enchanted; X2: X-Men United; Zoolander; Superman Returns; Sex Drive; 2 Guns; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Interstate 60: Episodes of the Road; Straw Dogs; My Little Pony: A New Generation; The Boss Baby: Family Business; The Butler; Future BMT: The Best of Me; Disturbing Behavior; Sugar & Spice; Hop; Gossip; Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore; BMT: The Loft; Unfinished Business; Notes: He’s just got that American boy look doesn’t he? He’s from Oklahoma and apparently lost out on the role in Primal Fear to Edward Norton.)
Wentworth Miller – ( Known For: The Human Stain; Blood Creek; Future BMT: Underworld; Resident Evil: Afterlife; BMT: The Loft; Stealth; Notes: You know Wentworth Miller … right? He’s from Prison Break and … other things, but mostly Prison Break. He’s actually pretty deep into the DC Arrowverse stuff as he’s in DC’s Legends of Tomorrow with his Prison Break co-star Dominic Purcell.)
Budget/Gross – $14 million / Domestic: $6,002,684 (Worldwide: $11,020,402)
(I don’t know why this would cost $14 million (the cast maybe, I suppose they did have to pay three reasonably famous people), but that is a bad take. I imagine they were looking for $30 million on the nose as a small thriller.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (6/42): Populated with characters as unpleasant as its sleazy storyline, The Loft is uninhabitable for all but the least demanding erotic thriller fans.
(Yup, the storyline certainly hasn’t aged well, and it’s only been 8 years. I suppose that is either the point (that any of these terrible people could be a murderer), or it was lost in translation a bit from something one might describe as being “more European”.)
Reviewer Highlight: The Loft is a film that can’t decide what it wants. It’s a male fantasy, and a cautionary tale. It’s sleazy in concept, and timid in execution. It punishes its protagonists for their transgressions, then lets them off the hook. – Katie Rife, AV Club
Poster – The Best Bro Condo
(It is a very striking poster with some nice razzmatazz to go with the purple color. Looks just a bit like a cheap thriller you’d find at the airport, but still… I like how bold they decided to go. B+.)
Tagline(s) – The right place to do wrong (B)
(I like the thought and effort. Not sure what it really has to do with the film, though, as it’s clearly the wrong place to do wrong. They all seem quite upset by the wrong thing that has happened there, so how could it be right? Dumb.)
Keyword(s) – European Remake
Top 10: 12 Monkeys (1995), The Italian Job (2003), Insomnia (2002), Scent of a Woman (1992), Clash of the Titans (2010), Some Like It Hot (1959), Vanilla Sky (2001), True Lies (1994), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Tourist (2010)
Future BMT: 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.2 The Omen (2006), 47.1 Nine Months (1995), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 44.4 Brick Mansions (2014), 43.1 Diabolique (1996), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010)
BMT: The Wicker Man (2006), Taxi (2004), The Haunting (1999), Get Carter (2000), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Pathfinder (2007), Fathers’ Day (1997), The Big Wedding (2013), Sleepless (2017), The Blue Lagoon (1980), School for Scoundrels (2006), Blame It on Rio (1984), The Loft (2014), Vanilla Sky (2001)
Best Options (Thriller): 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 44.4 Brick Mansions (2014), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.2 The Tourist (2010), 32.9 Memory (2022), 23.4 The Loft (2014), 8.9 The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
(Why would we do such a low BMeTric film? Well, The Loft has long been on our radar. Since it is a film that came out during the BMT Era I distinctly remember it coming out and being like “that looks like garbage”. Et voila! It only took 8 years, but we finally managed to hit up The Loft.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Karl Urban is No. 1 billed in The Loft and No. 2 billed in Priest, which also stars Paul Bettany (No. 1 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 2 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Matthias Schoenaerts played a lead role in the Belgian original Loft (2008) and is the only actor cast to reprise his role.
Filmed in June and July 2011, but not released until January 2015.
This is Matthias Schoenaerts’ first English-language role.
Patrick Wilson was originally cast as Vincent Stevens, but dropped out due to his commitment to his TV show. He was replaced by Karl Urban.
This will be the second remake of the original Loft (2008), after a Dutch remake (Loft (2010)) was produced. It will also be the third time that director Erik Van Looy is involved: he directed the Belgian original, and temporarily took over the direction duties from Antoinette Beumer for the first remake when she had an accident.
The building you see in the opening and ending scenes is real : it’s 930 Poydras in New Orleans. All the interior scenes were shot in a Belgian studio near Brussels.
When he’s not making movies, director Erik van Looy presents one of the most popular quiz shows on Belgian TV.
Eric Stonestreet is an alum of Kansas State University, where James Marsden’s father teaches.