Walking Tall (2004) Preview

Having agreed that secrets are for sharing and that what is yours is mine (and ours), Young Mikey leads the whole gang over to his house. He seems quite nervous and understandably so. Young Jamie and Patrick explain that they have been less than nice to Mikey in the past. “We were bullies,” Young Jamie says ashamed. Jamie and Patrick remember. Like the time they put cement on his seat at school. “Ha, right. He was stuck there for days,” chuckles Patrick. Or the time they kept swapping his hat for an identical one a size larger. “Until he was convinced he was shrinking,” Jamie says with a snort. Or the time they put a fish in his overalls and the cats from all across town followed him around. “Yeah, and his dad was allergic to cats,” Patrick says, tears now streaming down his face in laughter. “Right, and then his dad was sneezing all the time and it drove his mom crazy so they started fighting and they almost got divorced,” Jamie finishes, his laughter petering out. “But that wasn’t really all that funny at that point.” Patrick nods. “Yeah, not really funny at all actually and they had other stuff going on… like not just the sneezing part… which you have to admit was funny, but not great given the circumstances of their marriage.” By the time they finish contemplating things that are funny (sneezing, cement, etc.) and things that are definitely not funny (fighting, potential divorce, etc.) they arrive at Mikey’s. Mikey flings open his cellar door and the gang gasps. A full blown illegal casino is being operated in the basement. “See, my parents need me to run the craps table tonight,” Mikey says sadly, but Jamie and Patrick are already halfway down the stairs.That’s right! We’re watching another remake of a classic (of sorts) with the early The Rock vehicle, Walking Tall. The original is more like a smash low-budget hit of the 70’s. The remake? Not so much. Let’s go!

Walking Tall (2004) – BMeTric: 23.8; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 30.4%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.6%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Seed of Chucky, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Envy, Godsend, Garfield, Fat Albert, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, New York Minute, The Stepford Wives, First Daughter, and 56 more; Higher Notability: Shark Tale, Catwoman, The Chronicles of Riddick, Van Helsing, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, After the Sunset, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Blade: Trinity, She Hate Me, Fat Albert, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Around the World in 80 Days, The Phantom of the Opera, Alien vs. Predator, Along Came Polly, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Meet the Fockers, and 6 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, My Baby’s Daddy, The Whole Ten Yards, Godsend, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, Envy, Surviving Christmas, First Daughter, Catwoman, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, A Cinderella Story, Against the Ropes, and 42 more; Notes: I can’t believe this has a 6.3 on IMDb. Really high Notability though … for a film that is like 75 minutes long that is impressive I guess.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – I didn’t see the original “Walking Tall.” I was “out of town at the time,” I explained in my review of “Part Two Walking Tall.” Sounds reasonable. But I suspect the earlier film was tilted more toward populism and less toward superhero violence than the new “Walking Tall,” which is “dedicated to the memory of Buford Pusser” but turns the story into a cartoon of retribution and revenge.

(It took me a few times of reading this review to realize exactly what Ebert was suggesting. He had never seen the original Walking Tall, but did end up reviewing the sequel. As this was prior to home video to at least some extent Ebert just reviewed the sequel without seeing the original … and now he’s reviewing the remake without (maybe) having (still) ever seen the original. That’s kind of crazy.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edR_niqKp1Q/

(They are really going for The Rock in the previews, nary a mention of the previous film which I guess for some reason I find interesting. A veritable Who’s Who of early 2000s bad guys though, so that is exciting.)

DirectorsKevin Bray – ( Known For: Linewatch; Future BMT: All About the Benjamins; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: Directs a ton of television. The Morning Show, The Game, Insecure, Black-ish. There is surprisingly little about him on IMDb, but he hasn’t directed a feature since 2008.)

WritersMort Briskin – ( Known For: Walking Tall; The Second Woman; Framed; A Man Alone; The Magic Face; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: He wrote the original. He died in 2000, four years prior to this release. He also wrote 30 episodes of U.S. Marshal among other things.)

David Klass – ( Known For: Emperor; Future BMT: Desperate Measures; BMT: Kiss the Girls; Walking Tall; Notes: Hasn’t been credited as a writer since 2012, although he is clearly still working as he was a consultant for Between Two Dawns. Was a producer on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.)

Channing Gibson – ( Known For: Lethal Weapon 4; BMT: Walking Tall; Cradle 2 the Grave; Notes: Was exclusively a television writer until Lethal Weapon 4 (writing on things like L.A. Law and NYPD Blue). Was nominated for five Emmys for St. Elsewhere, NYPD Blue, and Murder One. He won for NYPD Blue.)

David Levien and Brian Koppelman – ( Known For: Rounders; Ocean’s Thirteen; Runaway Jury; The Girlfriend Experience; Future BMT: Knockaround Guys; BMT: Walking Tall; Runner Runner; Notes: Famously wrote Rounders and maybe gambled semi-professionally (I don’t remember). Writers on Billions, I mostly know Koppelman for his appearances on the Bill Simmons Podcast.)

ActorsDwayne Johnson – ( Known For: Free Guy; Red Notice; Jungle Cruise; Moana; Jumanji: The Next Level; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Fighting with My Family; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; The Other Guys; Furious 7; Furious 6; The Fate of the Furious; The Mummy Returns; Central Intelligence; Pain & Gain; San Andreas; The Scorpion King; Fast Five; Skyscraper; Future BMT: You Again; Why Did I Get Married Too?; Tooth Fairy; Planet 51; Jem and the Holograms; Reno 911! Miami; BMT: Baywatch; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; The Game Plan; Be Cool; Doom; Walking Tall; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Doom in 2006; Notes: The Rock! Not quite the last film he was credited as The Rock (that would be Doom). A mega-super-star at this point, but back then he was a mere four years out of bit parts on television shows like Star Trek: Voyager and doing pretty much only WWE stuff.)

Ashley Scott – ( Known For: Jumanji: The Next Level; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; S.W.A.T.; Just Friends; Secret Obsession; The Kingdom; Puff, Puff, Pass; Lost; Future BMT: Into the Blue; 12 Rounds; BMT: Walking Tall; Strange Wilderness; Notes: Incredible she is considered one of the main three actors in this film (uh … where Neil McDonough?). Started as a model, and was married to actor Steve Hart.)

Johnny Knoxville – ( Known For: Mainstream; Polar; Lords of Dogtown; Above Suspicion; The Last Stand; Bad Grandpa; The Ringer; We Summon the Darkness; A Dirty Shame; Big Trouble; Skiptrace; Half Magic; Elvis & Nixon; Small Apartments; Rosy; Father of Invention; Nature Calls; Grand Theft Parsons; Daltry Calhoun; Future BMT: Coyote Ugly; Men in Black II; The Dukes of Hazzard; Action Point; Fun Size; Deuces Wild; BMT: Movie 43; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Walking Tall; Notes: You know Knoxville. Jackass was really how he became famous, another of which (and probably final) came out this weekend. His real last name is Clapp, he was born in Knoxville.)

Budget/Gross – $46,000,000 / Domestic: $46,437,717 (Worldwide: $57,223,890)

(Not really what you want. I’m sure there would have been another one if they could have gotten to maybe $75 million? Instead the series lives on with Kevin Sorbo …)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (35/136): The Rock makes a competent hero, but the movie is content to let a 2×4 do all the talking.

(Yeah, and really that isn’t what the original is really about. It is and it isn’t. A huge part of the original was about how his one-man crusade ruined his life in reality. You just know they weren’t going to have that be part of the remake.)

Reviewer Highlight: One mediocre, ploddingly predictable film, loaded down with cheesy Hollywood tactics – Desson Thomson, Washington Post

Poster – Rocking Tall

(No no no no no.. no! No! No!… … … no. No. I don’t accept this. Look at all that white space. No! Look at that dumb font. No no no! No F. It’s an F. I could have made this in high school. The only curiosity here is that The Rock looks like a normal sized human being in it. But otherwise. No!)

Tagline(s) – One man will stand up for what’s right. (D)

(Boooooo. Come on. Sometimes bad posters will have good taglines. This is just generic and not clever and doesn’t even really help with the plot. Oh really? The main character will be the good guy and he’s fighting some bad guys?)

Keyword(s) – sheriff

Top 10: Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021), Scream (1996), Scream 4 (2011), The Unforgivable (2021), Antlers (2021), Wind River (2017), Halloween Kills (2021), Django Unchained (2012), No Country for Old Men (2007), The Little Things (2021)

Future BMT: 90.0 Vampires Suck (2010), 79.1 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 74.8 Psycho (1998), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 65.4 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 63.6 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 59.5 Witless Protection (2008), 56.7 Robin Hood (2018)

BMT: The Postman (1997), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Battleship (2012), Friday the 13th (2009), I Am Number Four (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Wild Hogs (2007), House of Wax (2005), Young Guns II (1990), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Walking Tall (2004), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Halloween II (1981), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Raw Deal (1986), Phantoms (1998), Fire Down Below (1997), Alone in the Dark (2005), Hard Rain (1998), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), American Outlaws (2001), Say It Isn’t So (2001), The Odd Couple II (1998), Bats (1999), Here on Earth (2000), Chill Factor (1999)

Matches: Scream 4 (2011), Antlers (2021), The Little Things (2021), True Grit (2010), Den of Thieves (2018), I Spit on Your Grave (2010), First Blood (1982), House of Sand and Fog (2003), Bone Tomahawk (2015), Winter’s Bone (2010), Planet Terror (2007), The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), Rango (2011), The Silencing (2020), Robin Hood (2018), Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993), Red Headed Stranger (1986), The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), The Gift (2000), 30 Days of Night (2007), Cop Land (1997), The Devil’s Rejects (2005), Premonition (2007), Walking Tall (2004), The Last Stand (2013), Life (1999), Powder (1995), Heaven’s Gate (1980), Leap of Faith (1992), The Kid (2019), Shimmer Lake (2017), … (and many more)

(Ah Jeepers Creepers III, the film I will never watch for BMT. I’ll stick with things like Smokey and the Bandit Part 3.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Neal McDonough is No. 3 billed in Walking Tall and No. 3 billed in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – At the beginning when Chris Vaughn asks the sheriff what happened to the former sheriff it is said that the guy was a great man but they found one day he had mysteriously skidded off a deserted road and died hitting a tree. This is a reference to how the real Buford Pusser died.

Johnny Knoxville executed co-star Dwayne Johnson’s signature WWE finisher, “The People’s Elbow”

Dwayne Johnson’s stunt double in this movie was his cousin Tanoai Reed. (I think that’s his longtime stunt double).

Debut movie of Cobie Smulders. (She shows up for about 5 seconds and doesn’t say anything)

The film takes place in Kitsap County, Washington. The Kitsap Penninsula is across Puget Sound from Seattle, and is home to both the Bremerton Naval Shipyards and the Bangor Submarine Base. A large part of the population are military personnel. The movie was actually filmed in Squamish, B.C. The opening scene was filmed on the Bowen Island ferry to Horseshoe Bay

As a young man, Buford Pusser, the real-life sheriff who this remake is based upon, wrestled professionally across the South as “Buford the Bull”. Dwayne Johnson, who plays the character inspired by him, began his acting career as a professional wrestler.

Yours, Mine & Ours (2005) Preview

“These mashed potatoes are delicious, Mom… er… I mean, Young Jamie and Patrick’s Mom,” Jamie says enthusiastically, mashed potatoes falling from his mouth. Having dined with their younger selves, Patrick and Jamie are counting the minutes until their next unexpected obstacle presents itself. A serial killer? Perhaps a pumpkinhead or a phantom of the opera? Hopefully not a lawnmower man, the scariest of all the spooky Halloween fiends. They jump at the sound of a knock at the door. “That must be Mikey,” Young Jamie says with glee and rushes from the table. Before they can stop him, he opens the door and… phew, Jamie and Patrick stop themselves just in time, inches from cracking an innocent child with a mean Twin Chop (patent pending). The kid looks like a total nerd alert in his clown costume and to think, they were worried about little Mikey from around the block. Mikey seems nervous. “You guys invited me over?” he asks tentatively, “but I’m sure it was just a mistake,” he finishes quietly. Young Jamie and Patrick look back at their older selves and shake their heads. “No it wasn’t a mistake,” says Jamie. Patrick agrees, “It’s just that we’ve realized that we’ve been a couple of big ol’ lame-o jerks.” They clap Mikey on the shoulder and ask if he wants to go trick-or-treating with them tonight. Jamie and Patrick’s hearts melt. Turns out there was nothing to worry about after all, just a heartwarming story of friendship. Mikey beams, but then looks nervous again. “I don’t think I can,” he says sadly. Sensing something off, Jamie and Patrick ask what’s wrong and remind him that secrets are for sharing. Young Jamie agrees. “Now that we’re best buds, what’s yours is mine… it’s ours!” That’s right! We are jumping right to Yours, Mine & Ours. It’s basically The Brady Bunch times a thousand and is based on a 60’s film that was much better received than this remake that everyone was definitely asking for. The weirdest thing about watching this now is that the original film happens to also play a minor role in current Academy Award hopeful Licorice Pizza (or as the kids call it Licorice Za). So pretty timely stuff. Let’s go!

Yours, Mine & Ours (2005) – BMeTric: 45.4; Notability: 48

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.8%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.4%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, A Sound of Thunder, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Honeymooners, Stealth, Cursed, Doom, Dirty Love, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, and 22 more; Higher Notability: The Island, Fantastic Four, Kingdom of Heaven, Bewitched, Domino, Be Cool, Fun with Dick and Jane, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, The Great Raid, Son of the Mask, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, The Ring Two, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Æon Flux, and 12 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos, Supercross; Notes: Mid-5.0 is where I would expect it. Oh ho ho, so this is just a shade better than Supercross … well, I’ll be the judge of that.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – ‘Yours, Mine & Ours” has one thing to be thankful for: Frank and Helen realize immediately that they’re still in love, all these years after they were the prom king and queen in high school. They see each other, they dance, they talk while dancing, they kiss while talking, and in the next scene, they’re engaged to be married. That saves us the Idiot Plot device in which they’re destined for each other, but are kept apart by a series of misunderstandings. In this version, they’re brought together by a series of misunderstandings, mostly on the part of the filmmakers, who thought they could remake the 1968 Henry Fonda-Lucille Ball film without its sweetness and charm.

(Having seen the original that seems like a dire warning. The only thing the original film had was sweetness and charm. There wasn’t even really a plot, it was pure sweetness and charm.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct37x6Fhbx0/

(Thanks I hate it. I guess I kind of see what they were going for … it is Nickelodeon Studios so they are looking for something that will entertain kids in like fourth grade and they need some IP for that purpose. What’s better for pratfalls than a ton of children?)

DirectorsRaja Gosnell – ( Known For: Never Been Kissed; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Future BMT: Scooby-Doo; Home Alone 3; Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed; The Smurfs; The Smurfs 2; BMT: Big Momma’s House; Yours, Mine & Ours; Show Dogs; Notes: Was originally a pretty big editor, but transitioned to directing in 1996. Still does, he’s attached as the director to the new Santa movie, Santa: The Adventure Begins, which I think I heard of on a podcast.)

WritersRon Burch and David Kidd – ( Known For: Ferdinand; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Head Over Heels; Notes: Were nominated for an Emmy for helping to write a song in the show The Closer. They produced and wrote on Dinotrux.)

Melville Shavelson – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; Houseboat; A New Kind of Love; Wonder Man; Room for One More; Cast a Giant Shadow; April in Paris; On Moonlight Bay; It Started in Naples; The Paleface; The Five Pennies; The Princess and the Pirate; The War Between Men and Women; Trouble Along the Way; The Kid from Brooklyn; It’s a Great Feeling; I’ll See You in My Dreams; Sorrowful Jones; The Daughter of Rosie O’Grady; The Seven Little Foys; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: One of the original writers. Was nominated for two Oscars, for Houseboat and Jack Rose. Was president of the Writers Guild on multiple occasions.)

Mort Lachman – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; Call Me Bwana; Mixed Company; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: Again, credited for the original. Was nominated for six Emmys (three for Kate & Allie, and three for All in the Family), and won one (for All in the Family))

Madelyn Davis and Bob Carroll Jr. – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; I Love Lucy; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: They were nominated for three Emmys (for I Love Lucy and Here’s Lucy), so they knew Lucille Ball, which explains why they wrote on the original film.)

ActorsDennis Quaid – ( Known For: American Underdog; Midway; The Day After Tomorrow; Stripes; The Parent Trap; Traffic; Any Given Sunday; Footloose; Soul Surfer; A Dog’s Journey; The Right Stuff; I Can Only Imagine; DragonHeart; Innerspace; Frequency; Breaking Away; The Long Riders; Enemy Mine; Blue Miracle; Smart People; Future BMT: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; Wyatt Earp; Legion; Pandorum; Kin; The Words; Vantage Point; The Alamo; Flight of the Phoenix; Cold Creek Manor; Something to Talk About; Undercover Blues; Switchback; American Dreamz; BMT: Movie 43; Jaws 3-D; A Dog’s Purpose; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Yours, Mine & Ours; The Intruder; Playing for Keeps; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for playing Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship. The younger brother of Randy Quaid who had already established a career in Hollywood when he moved there after dropping out of the University of Houston.)

Rene Russo – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Thor; Thor: The Dark World; Nightcrawler; The Intern; Major League; The Thomas Crown Affair; Lethal Weapon 3; Lethal Weapon 4; Outbreak; Ransom; In the Line of Fire; Velvet Buzzsaw; Get Shorty; Tin Cup; Big Trouble; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; Frank and Cindy; Future BMT: Two for the Money; Showtime; Major League II; Just Getting Started; Mr. Destiny; One Good Cop; Buddy; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Freejack; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle in 2001; Notes: Met her husband Dan Gilroy on the set of recent BMT film Freejack. Apparently wore a brace for scoliosis in junior high.)

Jerry O’Connell – ( Known For: Scream 2; Stand by Me; Jerry Maguire; Piranha 3D; Can’t Hardly Wait; The Secret: Dare to Dream; Veronica Mars; Satanic Panic; Lies and Alibis; Buying the Cow; Reign of the Supermen; Body Shots; Space Station 76; Man About Town; Room 6; Deep Murder; Fat Slags; Baby on Board; The Lookalike; Future BMT: Obsessed; The New Guy; Tomcats; Mission to Mars; Wish Upon; Joe’s Apartment; Calendar Girl; BMT: Scary Movie V; Yours, Mine & Ours; Kangaroo Jack; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Notes: Married Rebecca Romijn in 2007 and had twins girls in 2008. Apparently the first male host of CBS’ The Talk.)

Budget/Gross – $45,000,000 / Domestic: $53,412,862 (Worldwide: $72,662,923)

(Actually not half bad. I would have guessed this was an enormous bomb, but this is actually not horrible.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 6% (6/107): The initial set-up is unbelievable, the plotting is predictable and stale, and the comedy depends on repetitive pratfalls that soon get old.

(wowza less than 10% is hugely impressive for a film like this. And over 100 reviews? The critics just hated this thing!)

Reviewer Highlight: So snug, airtight and insulated from reality that the nice, well-scrubbed Cheaper by the Dozen seems almost rambunctious by comparison. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – Sklogs, Sklogs & Sklogs

(My least favorite genre of modern posters. In the 80’s this would have been hand drawn in a Meatball’s kind of way and for some reason that’s more palatable. With actual pictures of people it has far too much white space, the colors aren’t consistent and it generally looks bad. But OK font and fine spacing rescue it a little. C-)

Tagline(s) – 18 kids, one house, no way. (A)

Rock the house! (F)

(You gotta give a classic it’s due. That first tagline is short, is a classic rule of three, and gives a clear idea of the specific plot. Some question of cleverness, but it’s playing with numbers, so I think fair enough. The second is funny in a sad way. Made only sadder by its positioning near the photoshopped picture of a pig eating a pizza below Rene Russo’s legs.)

Keyword(s) – widower

Top 10: The King’s Man (2021), Scream (1996), Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021), The Karate Kid (1984), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Pig (2021), Interstellar (2014), Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019), Ron’s Gone Wrong (2021), Inception (2010)

Future BMT: 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 63.1 Underdog (2007), 57.5 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 56.2 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.3 Racing Stripes (2005), 49.7 Just Married (2003), 48.4 White Noise (2005), 46.5 Winchester (2018), 45.6 A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), 44.6 The Rhythm Section (2020)

BMT: Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Countdown (2019), When in Rome (2010), Blended (2014), Warcraft (2016), Fantasy Island (2020), The 5th Wave (2016), Death Wish (2018), Elektra (2005), A Walk to Remember (2002), Thir13en Ghosts (2001), The Choice (2016), Into the Storm (2014), Safe Haven (2013), Zoolander 2 (2016), Color of Night (1994), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Max Payne (2008), Alex Cross (2012), Texas Rangers (2001), Yours, Mine & Ours (2005), The Intruder (2019), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Are We Done Yet? (2007), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), September Dawn (2007)

Matches: The Nice Guys (2016), Rebecca (2020), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), The Constant Gardener (2005), My Girl (1991), Babel (2006), Nanny McPhee (2005), Safe Haven (2013), Dan in Real Life (2007), Fathers & Daughters (2015), Dead Silence (2007), Hide and Seek (2005), Jersey Girl (2004), Arlington Road (1999), Smart People (2008), This Beautiful Fantastic (2016), Mission to Mars (2000), Return to Me (2000), Yours, Mine & Ours (2005), The Intruder (2019), Our Souls at Night (2017), Ghost Dad (1990), Everybody’s Fine (2009), Underdog (2007), Dog Days (2018), Love Happens (2009), Mother and Child (2009), Martian Child (2007), Out to Sea (1997), … and many more.

(That might be a genuine 2008 dip! Sometimes it is just because less films were being made around there, but I could genuinely see Hollywood thinking no one wants to hear about widowers during an international financial collapse.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Quaid is No. 1 billed in Yours, Mine & Ours and No. 1 billed in The Intruder, which also stars Meagan Good (No. 2 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 5) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch American Dreamz we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – Drake Bell and Miranda Cosgrove played brother and sister in the Nickelodeon kid’s show, Drake & Josh (2004).

The party band in the movie is a Christian alternative rock band called Hawk Nelson.

Danielle Panabaker originally tried to get the part of Christina but was changed back and forth and eventually got the part of Phoebe because of her resemblance to Rene Russo.

The house the Beardsley family is moving into in the beginning of the film is the same house the Banks family lives in in the 1991 remake of Father of the Bride.

In the 1968 original film, Frank Beardsley (portrayed by Henry Fonda) was an active duty US Navy Chief Warrant Officer (a rank between commissioned officers and non-commissioned officers, usually granted to expert technical specialists with extensive experience), while in this remake, Frank Beardsley is a US Coast Guard Rear Admiral.

When Mrs. Munion is relaxing in her room, she is watching WWE Royal Rumble 2005. As Dylan wakes up, he has a WWE Magazine over his head.

Nominees for Commandant must be approved by Congress after appearing before House and Senate committees.

This was the first film to be co-produced by Paramount Pictures and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. The original 1968 film was produced by Desilu Productions, which merged with Paramount the year before, so the film’s copyright was renewed by Paramount. However, United Artists (owned by MGM since 1981) has retained full distribution rights to the 1968 film to this day. Columbia Pictures became involved once its parent company, Sony, purchased a stake in MGM.

Endless Love (2014) Preview

Brief note before we start: This year we got together our fifth (!) class to be inducted into the Smaddies Baddies BMT Hall of Fame. At the time these films are inducted it will be officially 10 years since we started BMT! That’s absurd. But as is typical there will be films we watch five years ago which maybe deserve to be considered the merde de la merde of BMT delight. The previews and speeches will be released leading up to the eighth (tenth?) Smaddies Baddies for the five films ultimately chosen. Some might say the purpose of watching all genres and sizes of movie is to find another Here On Earth, the perfect BMT film. Well … that is the only possible reason Endless Love 2014 is being inducted, it has to be Here on Earth 2 … right? Enjoy!

Endless Love (2014) – BMeTric: 22.7; Notability: 32 

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 46.0%; Notability: top 40.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.2% Higher BMeT: Left Behind, The Legend of Hercules, Ouija, God’s Not Dead, The Pyramid, Tammy, Sex Tape, A Haunted House 2, I, Frankenstein, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, Outcast, Dying of the Light, Tokarev, Annabelle, Everly, Annie, Pompeii, The Carrier, Vampire Academy, Transformers: Age of Extinction, and 41 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Age of Extinction, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Exodus: Gods and Kings, A Million Ways to Die in the West, Dracula Untold, Transcendence, Think Like a Man Too, Dumb and Dumber To, Annie, The Monuments Men, A New York Winter’s Tale, Horrible Bosses 2, Ride Along, The Expendables 3, Need for Speed, Men, Women & Children, Lessons in Love, Vampire Academy, Blended, I, Frankenstein, and 6 more; Lower RT: Left Behind, The Legend of Hercules, Outcast, I, Frankenstein, Ouija, Lessons in Love, Addicted, A Haunted House 2, Dying of the Light, The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, Just Before I Go, Search Party, The Best of Me, The Cobbler, The Carrier, Tokarev, No Good Deed, God’s Not Dead, The Nut Job, A New York Winter’s Tale and 7 more; Notes: This, I think, is right in that Here on Earth zone. Perhaps that is what Here on Earth really is. A film that critics are like “blah” and normal people are like “what? I haven’t seen that” … but we aren’t normal people.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Feste’s sanitized version seems like it’s aimed not at high-school kids but rather at those who are even younger: girls who can leave the theater and peruse the mall for just the right boho-chic clothes to emulate Wilde’s fashionably wild look.

(Sanitized. That really is what it is all about. It feels odd that a sanitized film could be, in actuality, a BMT Hall of Fame film, but perhaps with just the right amount of “wait … this is what they adapted the book about a crazy stalker boyfriend into?” it could work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRXGch6675Q/

(I think the trailer makes David out to be more dangerous than he actually is in the film. They must have realized they screwed up in you know … not actually adapting the book.)

Directors – Shana Feste – (Known For: The Greatest; Boundaries; Future BMT: Country Strong; BMT: Endless Love; Notes: She writes almost all of what she directs. Currently writing and directing the mini-series Dirty Diana with Demi Moore.)

Writers – Shana Feste (screenplay) – (Known For: The Greatest; You’re Not You; Boundaries; Future BMT: Country Strong; BMT: Endless Love; Notes: The plotline for The Greatest: “A drama that is centered around a troubled teenage girl, and a family that is trying to get over the loss of their son.” … that’s this movie! WHAT THE HELL?!)

Joshua Safran (screenplay) – (BMT: Endless Love; Notes: Writer/producer on Gossip Girl and Quantico among others. My guess is they brought him in to adapt the book into something more palatable for 2014.)

Scott Spencer (book) – (Known For: Waking the Dead; Future BMT: Father Hood; BMT: Endless Love; Endless Love; Notes: Wrote the book. The book is interesting. It was considered to be one of the quintessential stories written about young love at the time, but it feels like it has been completely overshadowed by, oddly, the song made for the 1981 film.)

Actors – Gabriella Wilde – (Known For: Wonder Woman 1984; Carrie; Future BMT: St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold; BMT: The Three Musketeers; Endless Love; Notes: British and descended from actual genuine royalty. She was originally a model and artist but switched to acting.)

Alex Pettyfer – (Known For: The Butler; Magic Mike; Wild Child; Back Roads; Elvis & Nixon; The Strange Ones; Tormented; Future BMT: Stormbreaker; The Last Witness; In Time; Echo Boomers; BMT: Beastly; I Am Number Four; Endless Love; Notes: Kid actor, he got the part in the Alex Rider series when he was 15 years old. Also British.)

Bruce Greenwood – (Known For: Doctor Sleep; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Star Trek; The Place Beyond the Pines; The Post; Gerald’s Game; Deja Vu; Flight; Super 8; Star Trek into Darkness; First Blood; The Core; Gold; I, Robot; Dinner for Schmucks; Spectral; Eight Below; Capote; Kodachrome; I’m Not There; Future BMT: Swept Away; Wild Orchid; Racing Stripes; Fathers’ Day; Disturbing Behavior; Passenger 57; The Captive; Firehouse Dog; Rules of Engagement; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; Double Jeopardy; Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House; And Now a Word from Our Sponsor; Cell 213; For Greater Glory: The True Story of Cristiada; Donovan’s Echo; Fathers & Daughters; BMT: Hollywood Homicide; Here on Earth; Devil’s Knot; Endless Love; Notes: Yup, he’s the father in both Here on Earth and Endless Love. Currently starring in The Resident, a medical drama on Fox.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $23,438,250 (Worldwide: $34,718,173)

(Quite bad. That big name energy coming from 1981’s smash hit Endless Love didn’t do much for it it seems.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (15/95): Blander than the original Endless Love and even less faithful to the source material, this remake is clichéd and unintentionally silly.

(I. love. cliched. And I love unintentionally silly. Bodes well. Reviewer Highlight: This remake has almost nothing to do with Spencer’s novel. It’s the kind of film you make when you’ve run out of Nicholas Sparks books. – Wesley Morris, Grantland)

Poster – Endless Lurv (2014)

(Honestly, this poster would be 400x better if it didn’t have the scratched lettering in the center. I’m fine with the “you hot leads” as the poster for a film like this, but I think this, like the trailer, is selling a more thriller-y film than it actually is. Were there massive reshoots or something? The marketing seems strange. C.)

Tagline(s) – Say Goodbye to Innocence. (B)

(I think I get what they are selling to a degree: Dad’s worst nightmare? Except in the film David isn’t that. The dad is actually a colossal dick to David at every moment and the entire film is “bad dad broken dad gets fixed by naive high school boy who doesn’t know what love is”. It’s a wild film. Anyways, I think for what they are likely selling it is fine, even though it doesn’t describe the film.)

Keyword – remake

Top 10: Beauty and the Beast (2017), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), The Invisible Man (2020), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), Cinderella (2015), The Jungle Book (2016), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), The Departed (2006), The Grinch (2018), The Lion King (2019)

Future BMT: 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 82.8 Prom Night (2008), 74.3 Psycho (1998), 72.0 Grudge (2020), 68.8 Black Christmas (2006), 68.8 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 67.8 Poltergeist (2015), 67.3 Scooby-Doo (2002), 66.8 Thunderbirds (2004), 65.6 Pulse (2006);

BMT: Fantasy Island (2020), Baywatch (2017), Just Go with It (2011), The Last Airbender (2010), The Mummy (2017), Fantastic Four (2015), Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000), The Hustle (2019), Point Break (2015), Poseidon (2006), Godzilla (1998), Cheaper by the Dozen (2003), Friday the 13th (2009), Wild Wild West (1999), Conan the Barbarian (2011), Thir13en Ghosts (2001), Endless Love (2014), Death Wish (2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), The Lone Ranger (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), CHIPS (2017), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Flatliners (2017), Red Dawn (2012), The Haunting (1999), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Left Behind (2014), The Avengers (1998), The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008), The Big Wedding (2013), The Fog (2005), The Beverly Hillbillies (1993), The Wicker Man (2006), Get Carter (2000), The Women (2008), One Missed Call (2008), Are We Done Yet? (2007), The Musketeer (2001), Bangkok Dangerous (2008)

(So. Many. Remakes. The plot is interesting. I think it points to smaller cast/crew productions taking over some of what used to be fairly large productions. Like if this film was made in 1999 it would have been huge with like … Matt Damon in talks to star. But instead they are like “just how many British people who can’t really do accents can we put into this production?”)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bruce Greenwood is No. 3 billed in Endless Love and No. 6 billed in Here on Earth => 3 + 6 = 9. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Both lead roles are British. (So is the mother, and the brother is Australian. And yet … the only person in the entire film who even attempts a southern accent is Robert Patrick, despite the entire film being set in Georgia)

Emma Roberts turned down the lead role of Jade Butterfield. (Would have been more interesting with her I think, shame)

The trailer for the film included scenes that were either altered or not included in the actual film. (Reshoots?)

Remake of the 1981 film. (Not really, it isn’t even an adaptation of the book … are we sure they even asked permission to use the title?)

In the original film, Jade was 15, David was 17, and they started dating after her brother Keith introduced them to each other; and a subplot involved Ann becoming infatuated with David and living vicariously through him and Jade after watching them have sex one night. Also, David’s surname was Axelrod; here it’s been changed to Elliot; and Ann’s name is spelled Anne. (Yeah … they changed a bit of the story).

Dolittle Preview

As the chamber melts away, the craggy dry peaks of The Waste shine through the blistering walls. John Travolta screams in rage as a tower of melting rocks fall on top of him and Rich and Poe hear his final plea, “never forget meeeeeeee.” Together, as brothers, Rich and Poe step out into the light to their freedom. Just then they hear a weak voice behind them, “Bad Movie Twins.” They turn and see the badly burned face and upper torso of Nic Cage sticking out of the melting ruin. There is a twinkle in his eyes and a smile plays through a painful grimace. “I always knew you two would save the world… together,” he whispers, putting out a shaky hand. Rich and Poe take it. “You… you knew the whole time, didn’t you?” they ask. It must be, even though if you really think through it it probably doesn’t make much sense. “Of course,” he croaks, “I knew the only way to stop him was to get you two in the game… and now… you must help me… I’m gravely injured… there is only one cure for my condition… it’s all explained… in… *gasp*… journal… *cough*… and…” and with that he faints. Rich and Poe are badly shaken. They wonder what could possibly be in Nic Cage’s Journal (all rights reserved) that could bring someone back from so close to death. More importantly they wonder how they are going to find something they didn’t even know existed before now. “You looking for that journal?” they hear from a tiny voice. They look around but don’t see anyone. “No, down here,” it says again and when they look down they gasp in astonishment. Looks like this is the start of another wondrous bad movie twins adventure. That’s right! We are starting right in on another adventure as we do one of the only essential BMT films of 2020. What was shaping up to be a stellar BMT year was thrown by Covid, but not before delivering Robbie D. Jr. and Dolittle into our laps. Let’s walk the walk and talk the talk with the animals. Let’s go!

Dolittle (2020) – BMeTric: 44.3; Notability: 60 

(Ha, that early rating. If that isn’t some sort of proof that there are attempts to manipulate online polls early in a film’s release, then I’m not sure what is. I mean … why would early viewers of this films be like “yes! 7 out of 10, nailed it” when every indication is that the film is an unmitigated disaster. A notability of 60 is absolutely huge though, I suppose that’s what happens when you have a giant ensemble cast of famous actors providing voices.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – It’s hard to know what, exactly, went wrong here. The concept is fine, even the adaptation is fine: eccentric doctor who can talk to animals goes on a series of madcap adventures! Sure! Nothing wrong with that! Hugh Lofting’s popular children’s book series, published in regular intervals during the 1920s and ’30s (with a couple of books of previously uncollected stories appearing posthumously), has been adapted many times before, for film, for television, animated, live action, etc. The “property” has been its own little franchise for a century now. But “Dolittle,” with Robert Downey Jr. in the eponymous role, is a wild whirlwind of a mess, without any coherence, without even a guiding principle. … “Dolittle”‘s post-production was troubled and turbulent, with other directors brought in to do last-minute surgery (if you believe the reports), and three weeks’ worth of re-shoots. That speaks to pretty severe problems. The release date was pushed back for months (usually an ominous sign). None of this would matter, though, if the confusion didn’t show so clearly on the screen.

(You know, right up until I read this review I had kind of forgotten about that. I knew about the infamous dragon fart scene at the end. But I forgot that mostly the film was slammed by critics for being so obviously edited from a pile of disjointed scenes and a complete mess of a production. Should be interesting if, indeed, it is as wildly obvious that is suggested by this review.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEf412bSPLs/

(Oh my god, I forgot about the co-opted song … one of the worst examples of it I think. It is too bad Robert Downey Jr. does the weird accent, because without it and the horrible song choice the film merely looks like a shiny kids’ movie. With those two elements though you kind of know it is going to be a disaster.)

Directors – Stephen Gaghan – (Known For: Syriana; Gold; Future BMT: Abandon; BMT: Dolittle; Notes: Directed one of the James Bond Heineken commercials. The partnership is somewhat notable in that Heineken has effectively paid the entirety of the production cost of several of the films, so hundreds of millions of dollars. Heineken claims that their internal numbers suggest the deal has netted them billions in extra revenue. Win win I suppose.)

Writers – Stephen Gaghan (screenplay by) – (Known For: Traffic; Syriana; Havoc; Future BMT: Abandon; The Alamo; Rules of Engagement; BMT: Dolittle; Notes: Won an Oscar for writing for his work on Traffic.)

Dan Gregor and Doug Mand (screenplay by) – (Known For: Magic Camp; Most Likely to Murder; BMT: Dolittle; Notes: Were writers for How I Met Your Mother most notably I think. Are tapped to write Rookie of the Year (which I assume is a remake of the 90s classic) and a live-action Chip ‘n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers film.)

Thomas Shepherd (screen story by) – (BMT: Dolittle; Notes: He has no notable credits and such a generic name as to make it impossible to search for information on him … I’m going to guess he’s like 20 and was given a first pass at the screenplay before handing it over to the writing team above.)

Hugh Lofting (character created by) – (Known For: Doctor Dolittle; Dr. Dolittle 2; Future BMT: Doctor Dolittle; BMT: Dolittle; Notes: Doctor Dolittle was created as part of illustrated letters to his children from the trenches of World War I. Moved to Connecticut after the war.)

Actors – Robert Downey Jr. – (Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Zodiac; Avengers: Infinity War; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Sherlock Holmes; Avengers Assemble; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: Civil War; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Iron Man Three; Iron Man 2; Tropic Thunder; The Incredible Hulk; Weird Science; Chef; Natural Born Killers; The Judge; Back to School; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Future BMT: The Shaggy Dog; Johnny Be Good; Black and White; Gothika; In Dreams; Air America; The Singing Detective; Lucky You; One Night Stand; Friends & Lovers; Girls Just Want to Have Fun; Hugo Pool; Up the Academy; Eros; Due Date; U.S. Marshals; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Tuff Turf; Moving In; Too Much Sun; BMT: Dolittle; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars (Tropic Thunder and Chaplin). Has played Iron Man for over a decade. This was his first non-Tony Stark role since 2014.)

Antonio Banderas – (Known For: Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Spy Kids; The Skin I Live In; The Mask of Zorro; Frida; The Laundromat; Philadelphia; Pain and Glory; Haywire; Shrek 2; Femme Fatale; Knight of Cups; Shrek the Third; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; Desperado; Ruby Sparks; Acts of Vengeance; Shrek Forever After; Puss in Boots; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; The Other Man; Never Talk to Strangers; Play It to the Bone; Gun Shy; The Body; The Big Bang; The Legend of Zorro; Two Much; Thick as Thieves; Automata; Original Sin; Of Love and Shadows; Assassins; Justin and the Knights of Valour; Imagining Argentina; Four Rooms; Black Gold; Life Itself; The House of the Spirits; The Music of Silence; BMT: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Dolittle; The Expendables 3; The 13th Warrior; Notes: Was married to Melanie Griffith for nearly 20 years. Was a famous actor in Spain before transitioning to Hollywood in the early 90s.)

Michael Sheen – (Known For: Nocturnal Animals; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Alice in Wonderland; Tron; Apostle; Midnight in Paris; Blood Diamond; How to Build a Girl; Far from the Madding Crowd; Frost/Nixon; Kill the Messenger; The Queen; The Four Feathers; Brad’s Status; Wilde; The Damned United; Bright Young Things; Othello; Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer; Resistance; Future BMT: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Slaughterhouse Rulez; Admission; Home Again; Laws of Attraction; Mary Reilly; The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box; Alice Through the Looking Glass; Underworld: Rise of the Lycans; My Last Five Girlfriends; Underworld: Evolution; Jesus Henry Christ; Passengers; Underworld; Kingdom of Heaven; Music Within; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; Dolittle; Timeline; Notes: Welsh. He played Motzart on Broadway around 2000 which is when his career took off. Has also found television success with Masters of Sex.)

Budget/Gross – $175,000,000 / Domestic: $77,047,065 (Worldwide: $245,229,088)

(I mean … terrible, a huge bomb if you believe that budget. But not the biggest bomb in the world, and not nearly as bad as I was expecting. Maybe benefited from being one of the only films to be released majorly to theaters in 2020.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (31/227): Dolittle may be enough to entertain very young viewers, but they deserve better than this rote adaptation’s jumbled story and stale humor.

(All of the reviews are about the reshoots. Everything from how you can tell the story is cut up into a mish mash of ideas, to how Robert Downey Jr. never seems to be facing the camera when he speaks with all of this lines seemingly re-recorded. Reviewer Highlight: It really is horribly inert, and every time Downey opens his mouth to say something unintelligible, the film dies a bit more. – Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)

Poster – Dr. Skloglittle

(I don’t love it mostly because it’s just a lot going on. I like an artistic theme, a color scheme, a triple beam lyrical dream… you know? But it’s got some nice font and the layout is good. So not terrible either. B-)

Tagline(s) – He’s just not a people person. (A-)

(This is certainly clever and all that. Just always a little weird to have a tagline like this where you probably have to be considerably older than the audience to even understand what’s going on with it. It’s a strange concept to think that an adult would look at the poster, chuckle at the tagline, and then when they take their kids to the movies they look and say “maybe Dolittle… it had a fun tagline.”  But again, clever, short, and a play on the plot. Overall pretty good.)

Keyword – live action and animation

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Casper (1995), Jumanji: The Next Level (2019), Jurassic Park (1993), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Lion King (2019), Maleficent (2014)

Future BMT: 76.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 75.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 67.3 Scooby-Doo (2002), 64.0 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 60.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 54.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 53.6 The Smurfs (2011), 53.3 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 49.0 Hop (2011), 46.7 Men in Black: International (2019);

BMT: Dolittle (2020), Warcraft: The Beginning (2016), Pixels (2015), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Cool World (1992), Eragon (2006)

(Ascendant in the 90s, a little too much in the 00s, and now just settled as a normal part of all levels of filmmaking. That’s how I interpret that plot. The Scooby-Doo films are probably the big ones we are missing from the BMT list.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Antonio Banderas is No. 2 billed in Dolittle and No. 1 billed in Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, which also stars Talisa Soto (No. 5 billed) who is in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (No. 2 billed), which also stars Robin Shou (No. 1 billed) who is in Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li (No. 6 billed), which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => 2 + 1 + 5 + 2 + 1 + 6 + 2 + 2 = 21. If we were to watch Assassins, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Originally titled “The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle.” It was shortened in August 2019.

Robert Downey, Jr. based his character on Dr. William Price, an eccentric Welshman. Dr. Price is now a revered historical figure in Wales – there’s even a statue of him in his hometown of Llantrisant.

This is Robert Downey Jr.’s first non-Iron Man role since The Judge (2014).

This movie was originally going to be released on May 24, 2019 by Universal Pictures, but was moved to April 12, 2019 to avoid competition with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019). It was later pushed back again to January 17, 2020.

When the movie rights went up for auction, several studios went to bid before Universal Pictures got the rights. Amongst them were Sony and Twentieth Century Fox, with the latter having previously produced three theatrical movies based on the Dr. Dolittle series.

The cast includes five Oscar winners: Rami Malek, Jim Broadbent, Dame Emma Thompson, Octavia Spencer, and Marion Cotillard; and four Oscar nominees: Robert Downey, Jr., Antonio Banderas, Ralph Fiennes, and Kumail Nanjiani.

Originally, Randy Newman was the first choice to score this movie, seeing how his uncle Lionel Newman had involvement with Doctor Dolittle (1967).

To differentiate from his earlier British characters, Robert Downey, Jr. decided to use what he described as a “passable” Welsh accent for his version of Dr. Dolittle.

Universal Pictures drafted in Seth Rogen as a consultant during pre-production when the studio executives realized that re-shoots would be necessary.

The name of Rassouli, the King of Pirates is a likely reference to Mulai Ahmed er Raisuni. Known as Raisuli to most English speakers, he was a leader of the Jebala tribal confederacy in Morocco at the turn of the twentieth century. While regarded by foreigners and the Moroccan government as a brigand, some Moroccans, especially amongst the Jebala, considered him a heroic figure, fighting a repressive, corrupt government, while others considered him a thief. He was considered by many as “The last of the Barbary Pirates” though Barbary Coast piracy had ended by the middle of the nineteenth century. A fictionalized version of him was played by Sir Sean Connery in The Wind and the Lion (1975).

In Doctor Dolittle (1967), Chee-Chee was Judy the Chimpanzee.

Blame it on Rio Preview

Bessy the Alligator deposits Rich and Poe on the sandy shores of the island paradise before swimming merrily about the lagoon. “It’s so blue!” exclaims Poe in wonder. “So natural and beautiful and not creepy at all, just like Steve said!” shout Rich in glee. They frolic naked about the island, wild and free. Suddenly a beautiful girl peeks out from behind a tree. “Why hello young lady,” says Rich, extending a hand to the girl. Her name is Rio and she was shipwrecked here long ago and is ignorant about the world. Thus begins an entirely platonic mentorship between Rich, Poe, and Rio. They teach her the important things in life, like how to navigate the tricky politics of the male-dominated world of police work and a patented Twin Chop. Rio shows them the sources of water, an ancient abandoned sacrifice location, and how to fish. “Excellent, all very useful,” they say as they help Rio steady the glock she’s using for target practice. Time passes and they come to consider Rio like a daughter. She’s growing up so fast and while they worry about the danger of her pursuing her dream to become a detective, they can’t help but swell with pride. Just then a rustling in the bushes startles them and they realize that they had nearly forgotten about Steve, Bessy, and the civil war on the mainland! Has it finally arrived? Instead a couple of old farts stumble out of the woods and into camp. Their eyes twinkle at the sight of Rio, now a young beautiful lady. “Hoo hoo, who’s this?” they chortle. After Rio introduces herself they nudge Rich and Poe, “guess we can always blame it on Rio, right?” Rich and Poe scowl… a war is about to begin after all. That’s right! We’re watching Blame it on Rio as a connection from Glimmer Man in our never ending chain of BMT films. This is a 1984 Michael Caine picture about an old man who gets caught up in an affair with his best friend’s seventeen year old daughter. No, I’m not kidding. That’s actually what this movie is about. It sounds terrible and upsetting. Let’s go!

Blame It on Rio (1984) – BMeTric: 28.8; Notability: 22 

(Shockingly high IMDb rating given the subject matter. The notability is about what I would expect … like 20+ means it was a movie likely released to theaters it seems like. So it is kind of the minimum number of people to have a film released to theaters.)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  Caine has a fling with his best friend’s sexy teenage daughter while vacationing in Rio de Janeiro. Caine’s terrific, Johnson is voluptuous, Demi is obviously intimidated in topless beach scenes, and the script is kind of a sniggering TV sitcom, with a heavy-handed music score of too-familiar records. Written by Charlie Peters and Larry Gelbart. Remake of the French film One Wild Moment.

(Hmmm can I watch One Wild Moment … I hope so. I am skeptical Caine is “terrific”, but he gets to what I was thinking the film was going to be like. A television film that stumbled its way into theaters. It sounds gross by the way.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZOTSkgIP80/

(Wow. First, that trailer legit has bare breasts in it which seems crazy. Second, that is just a sequence of random scenes and jokes from the film, and then at the end it just says “I mean … come and look at beautiful shots of Rio I guess? There is probably naked ladies, and it is vaguely funny.” Really doesn’t get into the creepiness of the whole thing, you barely know that the two girls are their children!)

Directors – Stanley Donen – (Known For: Singin’ in the Rain; Charade; Funny Face; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; Bedazzled; Two for the Road; Arabesque; On the Town; What Lola Wants; Indiscreet; Wedding Bells; The Pajama Game; The Grass Is Greener; It’s Always Fair Weather; Kismet; Staircase; Future BMT: Saturn 3; BMT: Blame It on Rio; Notes: Saturn 3 and Blame it on Rio went back to back and it basically ended the slow wind down of his career.)

Writers – Charlie Peters (screenplay) – (Known For: Ruth & Alex; My One and Only; Future BMT: 3 Men and a Little Lady; Krippendorf’s Tribe; My Father the Hero; Her Alibi; Music from Another Room; BMT: Hot to Trot; Blame It on Rio; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Hot to Trot in 1989; Notes: He was hired on to Columbia in a program developed to garner good PR For Columbia which was dealing with the David Begelman embezzlement scandal at the time.)

Larry Gelbart (screenplay) – (Known For: Tootsie; Bedazzled; A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum; The Thrill of It All; The Wrong Box; Neighbors; Oh, God!; BMT: Blame It on Rio; Notes: Created M*A*S*H. He was nominated for two Oscars, for Tootsie and Oh God!)

Claude Berri (based on an original screenplay by) (uncredited) – (Known For: Jean de Florette; Manon des Sources; Germinal; Ensemble, c’est tout; Une femme de ménage; Le vieil homme et l’enfant; Uranus; Lucie Aubrac; BMT: Blame It on Rio; Notes: Mostly a producer, and wrote a bunch of French films throughout the 70s and 80s. He also won an oscar for a short film.)

Actors – Michael Caine – (Known For: The Dark Knight; Inception; Interstellar; The Dark Knight Rises; The Prestige; Dunkirk; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Batman Begins; Secondhand Lions; Now You See Me; The Eagle Has Landed; Children of Men; Get Carter; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; A Bridge Too Far; Youth; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Miss Congeniality; Dirty Rotten Scoundrels; Going in Style; Future BMT: Bewitched; The Swarm; Beyond the Poseidon Adventure; Sherlock Gnomes; King of Thieves; Dear Dictator; Cars 2; The Hand; Now You See Me 2; Sleuth; Mr. Destiny; The Statement; Around the Bend; Surrender; Water; BMT: Jaws: The Revenge; On Deadly Ground; Get Carter; The Last Witch Hunter; Blame It on Rio; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 1981 for Dressed to Kill, and The Island; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Jaws: The Revenge in 1988; Notes: Was born Maurice Joseph Micklewhite in London and took his name from The Caine Mutiny.)

Michelle Johnson – (Known For: Death Becomes Her; Far and Away; Waxwork; Future BMT: Dr. Giggles; Gung Ho; BMT: The Glimmer Man; Blame It on Rio; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst New Star for Blame It on Rio in 1985; Notes: She was born in Alaska and starred in a series of non-theatrical films mostly in the late-80s and early-90s. She was Model of the Year in 1982.)

Demi Moore – (Known For: A Few Good Men; Ghost; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Hunchback of Notre Dame; One Crazy Summer; Rough Night; Margin Call; G.I. Jane; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; Disclosure; Mr. Brooks; The Joneses; About Last Night…; Bobby; Deconstructing Harry; Flawless; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; Forsaken; We’re No Angels; Love Sonia; Future BMT: LOL; The Juror; The Butcher’s Wife; Indecent Proposal; The Seventh Sign; Corporate Animals; Very Good Girls; Half Light; Bunraku; Young Doctors in Love; Passion of Mind; Wild Oats; Blind; Happy Tears; Now and Then; BMT: Striptease; Nothing But Trouble; The Scarlet Letter; Blame It on Rio; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 1997 for Striptease, and The Juror; and in 1998 for G.I. Jane; Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Striptease in 1997; Nominee for Worst Actress in 1992 for Nothing But Trouble, and The Butcher’s Wife; in 1994 for Indecent Proposal; in 1996 for The Scarlet Letter; and in 2001 for Passion of Mind; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for The Scarlet Letter in 1996; Notes: Somewhat notably is quarantining with her children, husband … and ex-husband Bruce Willis? In a series of bizarre photos Bruce Willis is creeping in the background. Turns out that Bruce Willis’ wife and kid were supposed to be there as well, but got trapped in isolation due to unforeseen circumstances. Was also married to Ashton Kutcher for a time.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $18,644,570 (Worldwide: $18,644,570)

(Also amazingly high … what it up with like The Blue Lagoon and films like this pulling in $20+ million takes? It just seems so weird. Probably cost a mint to make, this is Michael Caine’s “I want to buy a house, what garbage film can I be in this year?” peak.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 8% (2/24): It isn’t clear who is most culpable for this creepy comedy’s sheer wrongness, but its smarmy laughs and uncomfortable romance will leave audiences feeling guilty long afterward.

(Hahahahahah, yes this is what I expected when this film was chosen. It should be hidden from the world, never to be seen again … right after we watch it I guess. Reviewer Highlight: This movie is clearly intended to appeal to the prurient interests of dirty old men of all ages. – Roger Ebert, The Chicago Sun-Times)

Poster – Aging Poorly

(What was happening with posters. Do you want me to sit and read it? Because I won’t. If you want to show me a girl in a bikini, just show me a girl in a bikini. Why the other 1000 things on the poster? Also why is the girl looking in a mirror. Someone needs to write an essay about this poster. D)

Tagline(s) – You can blame the night, blame the wine, blame the moon in her eyes, but when all else fails . . . you’d better . . . Blame it on Rio! (C)

(This is upsetting on a moral level. Slightly less upsetting on a tagline level. I mean, it’s got features of a tagline despite being like twelve words too long.)

Keyword – rio de janeiro brazil

Top 10: Bohemian Rhapsody (2018), Charlie’s Angels (2019), Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014), The Incredible Hulk (2008), 2012 (2009), Geostorm (2017), Fast & Furious 5 (2011), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Money Pit (1986), Cars 2 (2011)

Future BMT: 72.2 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), 70.3 Mr. Magoo (1997), 58.2 Wild Orchid (1989), 44.4 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 30.6 Cars 2 (2011);

BMT: 2012 (2009), Geostorm (2017), Mechanic: Resurrection (2016), Blame It on Rio (1984), Driven (2001)

(The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 is so bad, and indeed has a decent part in Rio. I’m intrigued by Magoo. Magoo is probably so so bad. Rio really had a moment in the 2010’s … well I guess just Twilight came out then.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Demi Moore is No. 4 billed in Blame It on Rio and No. 1 billed in Striptease, which also stars Burt Reynolds (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 5 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 4 + 1 + 2 + 5 + 4 + 1 = 17. If we were to watch Surrender we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – According to contemporary news stories, special parental consent was required in order to allow the nude scenes featuring Michelle Johnson, as she was not yet eighteen at the time they were filmed. Publicity for this movie also stated that Johnson was around two months out of high school when she was cast. (Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no)

The theatrical movie poster, featuring the rear view of a girl in a “Brazilian cut” bikini caused such a stir that an altered, airbrushed version of the same poster with a less revealing bikini was issued. (Oh God, no no no no no no no no)

Director Stanley Donen has referred to the production of this movie in Brazil as being “horrendous”. Donen has said that principal photography was marred by excessive bureaucratic requirements for personal information for the cast and crew; endless rainfall falling on days, in which the forecast said otherwise; and the late, and even non-arrival of goods, products, and services.

Yvette Mimieux and her then-husband, Stanley Donen, saw the original French movie In a Wild Moment (1977) — aka Un moment d’égarement — in Santa Monica, California, and decided that they wanted to remake it, and quickly optioned the property for an American version, which became this movie. In 2015 a French remake called Un moment d’égarement was released.

According to Allmovie, “(film) critics aptly noticed (Michael) Caine’s apparent discomfort throughout the film”. (Hahahahaha)

Final theatrical movie directed by Stanley Donen.

Michelle Johnson said during a 1984 interview that it wasn’t until after she was cast that she learned her role involved total nudity. “My parents were a bit concerned about it and I was too,” she said. “I always wanted to have a career (in film) and I wanted to make the right moves at the right time. So we read the script and we talked to Stanley to find out exactly what his intentions were for the film. My parents looked into Stanley’s reputation and seemed satisfied because he makes such quality films.” Johnson said she was incredibly nervous the first time she took her clothes off and stood around naked in front of the cast and mostly male crew. It was like hundreds of eyes were all staring at her exposed body. But once the camera started rolling, she was fine. “When I was being Jennifer, when I was really focused in on that character, I wasn’t aware that I was topless or completely naked in those scenes. That was the last thing on my mind because I was so focused. But the minute Stanley said “cut’ I was immediately aware that I was standing in front of 20 or 30 people with no clothes on and I picked up a robe and ran to my room.”

In her memoir Inside Out, Demi Moore reveals that she ended up in bed with a member of the crew one night. “Peter, a young guy who was running the second unit camera on the movie” is assumed to be Peter Lyons Collister. (This is the weirdest note I’ve read on IMDb I think)

This movie was released seven years after the original French movie, In a Wild Moment (1977). According to Randy Lofficier’s 1998 article “REMAKE… AMERICAN STYLE: American Writers Discuss the Writing and Crediting Process for Remakes of Foreign Films”, this remake “does not identify the French film and its writer, Claude Berri.”

Michelle Johnson said she didn’t even know who Michael Caine was when she was invited to audition. “This was so embarrassing,” she said in an interview when the film was released. “.So I called a friend who’s older than me. She goes to movies a lot. And she said, “Oh, that’s that Kung Fu guy.’ She was getting him mixed up with David Carradine. I immediately went out and saw “Alfie’ and “The Man Who would be King” and “Sleuth.’ I was very nervous at the audition, especially after seeing those movies.”

Sir Michael Caine performs a Greek Chorus role in this movie, which intermittently cuts to him talking to the audience from a studio shot with a gray wall background, explaining the twists and turns of the movie’s storyline. (Whaaaaaaaaaaa)

Director Stanley Donen said in a 1984 interview that he originally wanted an experienced actress for the role of Jennifer. He was looking for a young girl who was beautiful, lively, energetic and extroverted, but couldn’t find one that satisfied him who was willing to go nude. So he started auditioning new inexperienced actresses and he found Michelle Johnson. Even though she was a model, he thought it may be difficult convincing her and her parents that she would have to do nude scenes. But he said they were all fine with it. “Girls, you know, if they’re attractive, most of them are not at all unhappy about being topless,” he reasoned. “They are quite beautiful and they like to be admired.” (Oh no no no no no no no)

Demi Moore turned down the role of Lucy Lane in Supergirl (1984) to appear on this film. (I mean … uh, good choice?)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Michelle Johnson, 1985)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning Preview

Rich and Poe glide down the mountainside away from the smoldering ruins of the Wicker Man. The wind is in their hair and they feel as free as a couple of birds (you know, if birds had washboard abs and slammed Mountain Dew to the extreme). Distracted by the wonders of flight, they fly a little too close to the edge of a cliff and suddenly a minotaur is upon them, thrusting a spear through the wing of their beloved hanglider. Only through their poly extreme athletic skillz are they able to master their damaged craft and steer it directly into a tree growing out of the side of the cliff. Rich laments the appearance of the minotaur, clearly sent by their tournament foes in an attempt to stop them. Their zen oneness with the air prevented them from counteracting such an obvious trap. “We were playing by the rulez, bro,” he says to Poe, “we gotta remember that rulez aren’t coolz in this universe and not everyone is gonna play by them.” But Poe isn’t listening. A man has appeared just above the crag on which they’re trapped. Perchance this man could lower a rope and help them out of this jam. Maybe he even knows about the tournament and where the well worn path Nic Cage mentioned is at. Suddenly the man emerges further from the bushes and Poe’s heart sinks. While the top half is a man, the bottom half is a horse. These -taurs are going to be the death of them… literally. For at that very moment the centaur pulls out a chainsaw and revs the engine before starting in on the base of the tree they are sitting in. “This is going to be a massacre,” Rich says forlornly. That’s right! We’re hopping right back into that Texas Chainsaw Massacre saddle and watching the 2003 remake of the film along with the 2006 prequel that followed. These are often grouped together not just because the actor portraying Leatherface is the same, but BMT fav Michael Bay produced. I’m always down for some Bay action. Let’s go!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) – BMeTric: 39.2; Notability: 37 

TheTexasChainsawMassacreTheBeginningIMDb_BMeT

TheTexasChainsawMassacreTheBeginningIMDb_RV

(This is held basically stock still over time. I still find it somewhat insane that this one is nearly over 6.0 as well. This film got absolutely ruined by critics. In this case I am fairly convinced the relatively high IMDb score is because of the gore. It is just one of those underserved markets.)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  When the ideas for endless sequels wear out, bring on the prequels! This one creates a backstory for the chainsaw-wielding Leatherface, set in the 1970s. Two teen brothers and their girlfriends go on a final fling before shipping off to Vietnam, get caught up in the infamous house of horrors and face-lifts after a car accident brings them to the attention of the evil local sheriff. There is nothing to suggest the ‘70s period; it’s all about graphic violence. This is one “beginning” whose ending can’t come quickly enough.

(Now that I’ve automated the review section off of RogerEbert.com it is more rare to get the OG Leonard’s take on film. RogerEbert.com though didn’t see this film. We got semicolons and Leonard’s usual disdain for horror films. So check and check. He only liked the original, and partly because it isn’t nearly as violent as it is reported to be.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OKXd2j6Fmo/

(I was kind of okay with this right up until Amazing Grace started playing. Then it started to feel like a cynical cash grab.)

Directors – Jonathan Liebesman – (Known For: The Killing Room; Future BMT: Darkness Falls; Wrath of the Titans; BMT: Battle Los Angeles; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 2015; Notes: Born in South Africa he apparently got the notice of producer Michael Bay because of his short film Rings which connected the first two American Ring films.)

Writers – Sheldon Turner (screenplay & story) – (Known For: X: First Class; Up in the Air; Future BMT: The Longest Yard; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Up in the Air.)

David J. Schow (story) – (Known For: The Crow; Future BMT: Critters 3; BMT: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Notes: He allegedly came up with the term stalk-and-slash to describe the emerging horror genre that would later be referred to as “slasher” films in 1977.)

Actors – Jordana Brewster – (Known For: Fast & Furious 7; Furious 6; Fast & Furious 5; The Faculty; Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!; Nearing Grace; Future BMT: American Heist; D.E.B.S.; Home Sweet Hell; Annapolis; The Invisible Circus; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Fast & Furious; The Fast and the Furious; Notes: )

Matt Bomer – (Known For: The Nice Guys; The Magnificent Seven; Magic Mike; Magic Mike XXL; Walking Out; Papi Chulo; Duplicate; Space Station 76; Anything; Future BMT: Flightplan; In Time; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; A New York Winter’s Tale; Notes: )

Diora Baird – (Known For: Star Trek; Wedding Crashers; Hot Tub Time Machine; Transit; Future BMT: Stan Helsing; Night of the Demons; My Best Friend’s Girl; Young People Fucking; Accepted; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Notes: )

Budget/Gross – $16,000,000 / Domestic: $39,517,763 (Worldwide: $51,764,406)

(Ah that makes sense. It was such a let down from the original they basically decided to reboot it instead of trying to salvage it. That is still a healthy profit, but considering how much the original made it killed the franchise.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (11/85): The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is full of blood and gore, but not enough scares or a coherent story to make for a successful horror film.

(If you read just the big reviewers the consensus seems to be: remember how some of us thought the last one was sadistic? Well, now all of think it is sadistic. Reviewer Highlight: Attention sadists: Demand more from your gorefests than this pro forma return to the well. Has mass murder ever been this dull? – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone)

Poster – Sticks & Stones Origins: The Beginning (B+)

texas_chainsaw_massacre_the_beginning

(Gotta say, still digging it. Artistic and dark… still, not really telling a story. I mean, he looks all grown up in the poster. I’m looking for a little baby Leatherface.)

Tagline(s) – Witness The Birth Of Fear (A)

(This is good. The more I read it the more I like it actually. Birth of fear is a nice turn of phrase and packs a wallop in a small package. It’s quite good.)

Keyword – extreme violence

TheTexasChainsawMassacreTheBeginning_extreme violence

Top 10: John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019), Hellboy (2019), Rambo: Last Blood (2019), Goodfellas (1990), The Hateful Eight (2015), Logan (2017), Drive (2011), True Romance (1993), Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003), Casino (1995); 

Future BMT: 66.7 Halloween II (2009), 60.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 52.8 The Green Inferno (2013), 46.7 Saw 3D (2010), 44.6 Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), 40.1 Gothika (2003), 34.2 Hell Fest (2018), 30.5 Marked for Death (1990), 30.2 Halloween (2007), 29.6 House of 1000 Corpses (2003); 

BMT: Hellboy (2019), Rambo: Last Blood (2019), Rambo (2008), Gangster Squad (2013), Silent Hill (2006), Cobra (1986), Ghosts of Mars (2001), RoboCop 2 (1990), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), Punisher: War Zone (2008)

(Let’s see. Most of those, weirdly, I don’t completely hate. I don’t really like excessive violence, but most of what we’ve watched it like amusing 80s versions of excessive violence which I’m apparently fine with. This has definitely become more popular recently with things like John Wick and Logan, both of which I also quite liked.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jordana Brewster is No. 1 billed in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning and No. 4 billed in Fast and Furious, which also stars Vin Diesel (No. 1 billed) who is in Babylon A. D. (No. 1 billed), which also stars Michelle Yeoh (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 4 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 20. If we were to watch Chasing Mavericks, and The Black Dahlia we can get the HoE Number down to 19.

Notes – During filming, R. Lee Ermey was called away to his mother’s death bed. For the remainder of the time, filming was done around his character.

When Eric gets his face wrapped in cellophane by Sheriff Hoyt that’s actually real, Matt Bomer’s head was actually being wrapped in Saran Wrap, R. Lee Ermey said he was very concerned for him. They left a small gap opening at the bottom of Matt’s chin for him to breathe but that didn’t help much, so when ever he was having trouble breathing he would indicate by knocking his knees together

The cow that gets hit by the jeep was made of fiberglass and filled with blood, fake entrails and fake bones then screwed together. (Huh, that’s cool to know)

Producers Andrew Form and Brad Fuller decided not to make a sequel to the 2003 movie. But the fans kept coming to them, asking how the family got that way and wanting to know several unanswered questions in the 2003 version (some of them include how Monty lost both of his legs, to how Sheriff Hoyt lost his front teeth, and how Leatherface got his nickname). And after a meeting with Michael Bay, they let Sheldon Turner write the script for a prequel and they were prepared to make it. (Stupid fans, no one should want to know these things!)

Jordana Brewster initially got made fun of for the way she ran during filming scenes in which her character Chrissie had to run. (YES! I love weird running)

Jordana Brewster said while filming with future husband Andrew Form ‘Everyday Andrew wore these work boots to the set, and if I was lying down in the shot or there was equipment in the way, I’d look for his shoes. It was comfortable just to know he was nearby.’ They married in 2007.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel or Sequel (2007)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) Preview

Rich and Poe glide down the mountainside away from the smoldering ruins of the Wicker Man. The wind is in their hair and they feel as free as a couple of birds (you know, if birds had washboard abs and slammed Mountain Dew to the extreme). Distracted by the wonders of flight, they fly a little too close to the edge of a cliff and suddenly a minotaur is upon them, thrusting a spear through the wing of their beloved hanglider. Only through their poly extreme athletic skillz are they able to master their damaged craft and steer it directly into a tree growing out of the side of the cliff. Rich laments the appearance of the minotaur, clearly sent by their tournament foes in an attempt to stop them. Their zen oneness with the air prevented them from counteracting such an obvious trap. “We were playing by the rulez, bro,” he says to Poe, “we gotta remember that rulez aren’t coolz in this universe and not everyone is gonna play by them.” But Poe isn’t listening. A man has appeared just above the crag on which they’re trapped. Perchance this man could lower a rope and help them out of this jam. Maybe he even knows about the tournament and where the well worn path Nic Cage mentioned is at. Suddenly the man emerges further from the bushes and Poe’s heart sinks. While the top half is a man, the bottom half is a horse. These -taurs are going to be the death of them… literally. For at that very moment the centaur pulls out a chainsaw and revs the engine before starting in on the base of the tree they are sitting in. “This is going to be a massacre,” Rich says forlornly. That’s right! We’re hopping right back into that Texas Chainsaw Massacre saddle and watching the 2003 remake of the film along with the 2006 prequel that followed. These are often grouped together not just because the actor portraying Leatherface is the same, but BMT fav Michael Bay produced. I’m always down for some Bay action. Let’s go!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) – BMeTric: 27.3; Notability: 32 

TheTexasChainsawMassacreIMDb_BMeT

TheTexasChainsawMassacreIMDb_RV

(I think this, weirdly, hits just the right spot for a bad horror film. Usually horror fans are very down on horror done poorly. But then there does seem to be a contingent of fans that are all about the gore. And from what I can tell this film is all about that gore, so maybe it makes sense that it crept up to above 6.0. Also the film is not really that bad, it barely qualifies, so there is that as well.)

RogerEbert.com – 0.0 stars – The new version of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is a contemptible film: Vile, ugly and brutal. There is not a shred of a reason to see it. Those who defend it will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as “style” or “vision” or “a commentary on our world.” It is not a commentary on anything, except the marriage of slick technology with the materials of a geek show.

(Oh shiiiiiiit. I actually can’t remember the last time we hit a full thumbs down from RogerEbert.com. This sounds like I’m going to hate this film. Gore-based horror is by least favorite of the genre.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg3LWY70rvw/

(Man back in the day “from producer Michael Bay” actually meant something. I have to admit though, the end of the that trailer is banging. If I didn’t know it wasn’t very good I would think that was a pretty good way to reenvision the series.)

Directors – Marcus Nispel – (BMT: Conan the Barbarian; Pathfinder; Friday the 13th; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: We did it! We completed his filmography! He’s basically stopped working, although I’m going to guess he’ll pop up at some point when Arnold Schwarzeneggar does some small time film as they are apparently friends.)

Writers – Kim Henkel (1974 screenplay) – (Known For: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre; Future BMT: The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Texas Chainsaw 3D; Leatherface; Death Trap; BMT: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: As mentioned in the previous installments he is a professor in Texas at the moment. He seems to still produce / write randomly, although only once or twice since 1995.)

Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay) – (Known For: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2; Future BMT: The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Texas Chainsaw 3D; The Mangler; Leatherface; BMT: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Apparently had a small cameo in the second film as a man in a hotel corridor.)

Scott Kosar (screenplay) – (Known For: The Machinist; The Crazies; Future BMT: The Amityville Horror; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: He was the producer for The Haunting of Hill House for Netflix which is supposed to be quite good. Also wrote a few episodes of The Bates Motel.)

Actors – Jessica Biel – (Known For: The A-Team; The Illusionist; The Rules of Attraction; Hitchcock; Cellular; The Tall Man; Easy Virtue; Ulee’s Gold; Future BMT: Accidental Love; Blade: Trinity; A Kind of Murder; I’ll Be Home for Christmas; Home of the Brave; Planet 51; Next; Total Recall; The Truth About Emanuel; Elizabethtown; Powder Blue; Spark; The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea; Shock and Awe; London; BMT: Stealth; Summer Catch; Valentine’s Day; New Year’s Eve; Playing for Keeps; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, and Next; and in 2013 for Playing for Keeps, and Total Recall; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry in 2008; Notes: Starred in the television show Limetown which is the second television show I know of based on a podcast (the other being Homecoming). It is not supposed to be very good.)

Jonathan Tucker – (Known For: Charlie’s Angels; The Next Three Days; Sleepers; The Virgin Suicides; Sweet Virginia; 100 Girls; The Ruins; In the Valley of Elah; The Deep End; Criminal; Bee Season; An Englishman in New York; Future BMT: Pulse; Stolen Hearts; Hostage; As Blood Runs Deep; Stateside; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Performed in The Nutcracker for the Boston Ballet as a third grader. That’s a big production that involves a lot of kids … so somehow both impressive and not impressive at the same time.)

Andrew Bryniarski – (Known For: Batman Returns; Any Given Sunday; Higher Learning; Mother’s Day; The Program; Sky; Future BMT: Street Fighter; Scooby-Doo; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Pearl Harbor; Necessary Roughness; BMT: Rollerball; Hudson Hawk; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Naturally he is a former bodybuilder and trained professional wrestler. That’s about all you need to be Leatherface honestly. Was Zangief in Street Fighter.)

Budget/Gross – $9,500,000 / Domestic: $80,571,655 (Worldwide: $107,362,708)

(A huge success. No wonder it got a sequel. How badly must the second have done for them to cut the cord I wonder.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (57/156): An unnecessary remake that’s more gory and less scary than the original.

(That is actually a lot better than I would have expected given Ebert’s review. A lot of people seem to like it as a gorey B-movie basically. Reviewer Highlight: Weakens, dilutes, disinfects and otherwise undermines the legacy of Tobe Hooper’s 1974 original. – Richard Harrington, Washington Post)

Poster – True Story, Bro (A-)

texas_chainsaw_massacre

(This is actually good. Artistic and dark for a horror film and gives the sense of leather for Leatherface. Unique font. Doesn’t exactly tell a story but good enough.)

Tagline(s) – Inspired by a True Story (F)

(What the fuck… seriously, how is this the tagline to the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Is it a meta joke that it’s based on the true story of the film Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I’m confused and unhappy.)

Keyword – horror icon

TheTexasChainsawMassacre_horror icon

Top 10: It Chapter Two (2019), It (2017), Aliens (1986), The Cabin in the Woods (2011), The Terminator (1984), Annabelle Comes Home (2019), The Conjuring (2013), The Ring (2002), The Predator (2018), Scream (1996); 

Future BMT: 80.8 Halloween: Resurrection (2002), 74.0 Psycho (1998), 69.0 Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013), 65.5 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), 65.0 Seed of Chucky (2004), 63.0 Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), 60.6 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 60.5 The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), 58.6 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 56.9 A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989); 

BMT: The Predator (2018), The Nun (2018), Friday the 13th (2009), Predator 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Friday the 13th: Part 2 (1981), Friday the 13th: Part III (1982), Jason X (2001), Rings (2017), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Ring 2 (2005), AVPR: Aliens vs Predator – Requiem (2007), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

(Awwwww snap, we’ve seen so many! Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child’s Play are the big ones left obviously.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Biel is No. 1 billed in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and No. 2 billed in Valentine’s Day, which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 1 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 2 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 13. If we were to watch Next we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – A then-unknown John Larroquette provided the narration in the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). Despite becoming a distinguished actor in the years since, he happily agreed to reprise his role for the remake.

After learning about the remake, Andrew Bryniarski (Leatherface) went up to producer Michael Bay at a Christmas party and personally asked him for the role.

On his final day of shooting, Eric Balfour stripped down, threw his wardrobe back to the crew, and walked off the set only wearing a baseball cap. (weird!)

There’s a homage to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) regarding each film’s leading ladies Erin (2003) and Sally (original). In the remake, Erin pulls out a knife to pick a lock. When asked where she got it from, she replies “from my brother.” In the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Sally’s brother Franklin is obsessed with his knife, and at one point in the film gives it to Sally. She never returns it. (I kind of like that)

In the original script, the character Jedidiah was going to wear a Felix the Cat T-shirt throughout the movie. This was later scrapped because the copyright holders of Felix the Cat wouldn’t allow it. However, the novelization of the movie features the character wearing the shirt. Also, Jedidiah was going to be killed by Leatherface by slicing his chainsaw through his back because he let Erin and Morgan go. This was later scrapped because the filmmakers thought it was too intense. (I love novelization facts)

The only time we actually get to see Leatherface’s “real” face.

To prepare for his role as Leatherface, Andrew Bryniarski ate a diet of brisket and white bread in order to get his weight to nearly 300 pounds.

Dolph Lundgren was first considered to play Leatherface, but he turned them down so he could spend more time with his family. (What a bizarre choice that would have been)

The severed head of Harry Jay Knowles from Ain’t It Cool News can be seen in the basement of Leatherface’s house. (Huh?)

To avoid an NC-17 rating in the USA, the more graphic shots of Morgan’s death were cut. The original version of the scene featured the shot of the chainsaw slicing into his crotch and then having intestines and blood falling out of him. The cut version cuts away when the chainsaw is about to cut him and totally cuts out the intestines falling from his body. The hitchhiker death scene was also cut severely. The original scene has her ear flying off of her head and blood and brain matter being more dark in color and more in amount flying out of her head. Jedidiah was originally supposed to be killed by Leatherface for helping Erin and Morgan escape, but the scene was scrapped for being “too intense”. (gross!)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (2004)

Point Break (2015) Preview

“A clue,” Poe says looking closely at the branches of the wicker man, “these aren’t branches at all!” Rich reaches over and breaks him off a piece of the wicker man is stunned to find that Poe is right, “These are pages from tattered books. My god, we’ll be cinders in no time!” But Poe sees this as an opportunity. Calculating the weight of a paper wicker man and it’s probable center of mass and accounting for the fact that it’s burning from the bottom up he guesstimates that with just a quick heave-ho of him and Rich’s well-toned bodies, crafted by years of professional dance, they should topple free and back flip their way to freedom (like they have done so many times before as their alter egos, the Bad Movie Twins). Just before they are to put their plan into action Rich stops Poe and points to what awaits them outside the wicker man. Poe is aghast, “a cliff! What a dastardly tournament indeed. How are we to escape a fiery wicker man and survive the subsequent fall from a cliff. Impossible.” But Rich corrects him, “Nothing is impossible, my dear Poe, just wildly improbable. And while this cliff jump is improbable, it hardly impossible. Don’t you remember what I did before I became a Bad Movie Twin/detective?” Rich prompts Poe. “You were a successful novelist of YA novels,” Poe answers and while true Rich reminds him that even before that he was an extreme sports artist. “That’s how I got this rad scar,” he says pointing to the previously unmentioned enormous scar that adorns his torso. Ah yes, how could Poe forget. Time to get extreme. With that they lovingly craft a hang glider from pieces of the wicker man, slam some Mountain Dew, and get ready to do the dew. That’s right! We’re (finally) watching the ill-advised remake of the action classic Point Break, Point Break (2015). It stars… people that are way less famous than Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze aka The Swayze. We missed it when it came out (for the same reason as Holmes & Watson actually, released around Xmas) but we won’t miss it this time. Let’s go!   

Point Break (2015) – BMeTric: 55.7; Notability: 51 

PointBreakIMDb_BMeT

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(That rating is actually pretty high in my opinion. I would have thought die hard fans would have ruined the rating long ago. It has stayed stock still for years now though, which is usually a good sign. It means people still hate it today, there is something innately bad about the film that crosses generations.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – The idea of remaking “Point Break” was not necessarily a bad idea, I suppose, but whatever charms that film might have had, they are utterly lost on the people behind this embarrassment. Instead, their game plan appears to have been to take a familiar title, throw in a bunch of random action sequences that seem more interested in aping the lunacies of the “Fast & Furious” franchise than Bigelow’s visual poetry and toss it out into a crowded marketplace without any advance screenings (hence the lateness of this review)[.] …The original film, you might recall, was released with the tag line “100% Pure Adrenaline!” This version misses that mark by about 97.5%.

(Fast & Furious is a really good comparison. As a matter of fact there could be an argument that all they really needed to do was make one more (Point Five) set in like Argentina and they could have crossed into the ironically good territory. Too late now though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncvFAm4kYCo/

(Bigger and badder. The is one of the fundamental arguments against things like The Fast and the Furious franchise’s progression: everything doesn’t need to be bigger and badder. If you wanted to remake Point Break, why not just remake Point Break?)

Directors – Ericson Core – (Known For: Togo; Invincible; BMT: Point Break; Notes: He’s the cinematographer for the film as well (and was on The Fast and the Furious as well).)

Writers – Kurt Wimmer (screenplay & story) – (Known For: Salt; Equilibrium; The Thomas Crown Affair; The Recruit; Future BMT: Sphere; Total Recall; Street Kings; BMT: Ultraviolet; Point Break; Notes: Apparently invented “gun kata”, a fictional martial arts discipline used in Equilibrium and Ultraviolet. Nicknamed The Wimmer.)

Rick King (story & 1991 story) – (Known For: Point Break; BMT: Point Break; Notes: Was writing some television through the 2000s, but seems to have maybe retired from credited writing. Had a few smaller films prior to Point Break, but pretty close to a one hit wonder writer.)

W. Peter Iliff (story & 1991 screenplay & 1991 story) – (Known For: Point Break; Varsity Blues; Patriot Games; Under Suspicion; BMT: Point Break; Notes: Basically didn’t work throughout the 2000s, but made a short (Trump’s America) recently and now maybe has two movies in production.)

Actors – Edgar Ramírez – (Known For: The Girl on the Train; Zero Dark Thirty; The Bourne Ultimatum; Joy; Gold; Hands of Stone; Wasp Network; Che: Part One; La quietud; The Liberator; Future BMT: The Counsellor; Wrath of the Titans; Domino; Deliver Us from Evil; Bright; Vantage Point; Time Out; BMT: Point Break; Notes: Played Gianni Versace in American Crime Story. Became famous on the Venezuelan soap opera Cosita Rica appearing in over 270 episodes.)

Luke Bracey – (Known For: Hacksaw Ridge; Danger Close: The Battle of Long Tan; Me Him Her; Future BMT: The November Man; Lucky Day; The Best of Me; BMT: Point Break; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; Monte Carlo; Notes: Huh, he also became famous on a soap, Home and Away which was broadcast in Australia. He appeared in 224 episodes.)

Ray Winstone – (Known For: The Departed; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Hugo; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; Snow White and the Huntsman; Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief; Noah; Cold Mountain; Rango; Beowulf; Sexy Beast; Edge of Darkness; The Proposition; Quadrophenia; Scum; The Sweeney; Ripley’s Game; The War Zone; Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains; The Legend of Barney Thomson; Future BMT: The Queen’s Corgi; King of Thieves; 13; Reckless; London Boulevard; King Arthur; Breaking and Entering; Elfie Hopkins; Martha – Meet Frank, Daniel and Laurence; Love, Honour and Obey; BMT: Cats; Point Break; Fool’s Gold; The Gunman; Notes: Nominated for two BAFTAs, one in 1979 as a newcomer, and then for Nil by Mouth as a lead actor. Was the schoolboy boxing champion of England three times and represented England internationally twice.)

Budget/Gross – $105,000,000 / Domestic: $28,782,481 (Worldwide: $133,718,711)

(That isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The domestic take is shocking, as is the budget, but over $100 million worldwide is pretty solid for a movie with a bunch of nobodies in the cast.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (12/108): Loaded with dazzling action but bereft of purpose, the Point Break remake will be remembered as the first film to make audiences pine for the simultaneous presences of Keanu Reeves and Gary Busey.

(False, I always pine for the presence of Gary Busey. Keanu ain’t a bad bonus. Reviewer Highlight: Boldly reimagining Kathryn Bigelow’s cult favorite as a movie where absolutely nobody seems to be having any fun, the new Point Break drops the original’s Zen-like balance of macho mysticism and camp in favor of dour humorlessness. – Ignatiy Vishnevetsky, AV Club)

Poster – XXX: We’re Bank Robbers Now (D)

point_break_ver2

(I remember hating this poster when the film was coming out and I still hate it. It’s just not good. Looks like an advertisement for a travel agency or something. The original is beautiful.)

Tagline(s) – The only law that matters is gravity (Whatever is better than A+)

Find your breaking point (D)

(Nooooooooo. If only that first one was on the poster. My face actually melted as I read it. My god, it’s beautiful. Hey everyone! Come see this great tagline they didn’t use. They used this almost hilariously bad one instead. So you went with “Point Break… Find your breaking point” as the tagline?… alright.)

Keyword – surfing

PointBreak_surfing

Top 10: Point Break (1991), Baywatch (2017), Beautiful Boy (2018), Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), Die Another Day (2002), Pearl Harbor (2001), Jumper (2008), Despicable Me (2010), The Shallows (2016), Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008); 

Future BMT: 68.3 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 44.3 Surf Ninjas (1993), 37.1 Meet the Deedles (1998), 34.5 Without a Paddle (2004), 31.0 Pearl Harbor (2001), 20.3 The Allnighter (1987), 18.4 Act of Valor (2012), 16.6 Airborne (1993), 5.8 Chasing Mavericks (2012); 

BMT: Baywatch (2017), Jumper (2008), Point Break (2015), The Gunman (2015), Failure to Launch (2006)

(Surfing is one of those keywords which is applied to any film with even a moment of surf action, but this is actually pretty good. And now I’m really really rethinking these plots. I don’t doubt that “surfing” movies are becoming less popular over time, the early 2000s were the time of Extreme Doritos and Mountain Dew, and since then surfing is just an interesting hobby to have. But it is plausible that 2000s films also just get keywords much much more often. But maybe it is okay as long as we are aware of the issue.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Teresa Palmer is No. 3 billed in Point Break and No. 3 billed in I Am Number Four, which also stars Alex Pettyfer (No. 1 billed) who is in Endless Love (2014) (No. 1 billed), which also stars Bruce Greenwood (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 6 billed) => 3 + 3 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 6 = 17. If we were to watch Feeling Minnesota, Hardball, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – While shooting second unit footage at the Jaws surf break in Maui, the crew was fortunate enough to catch one of the largest wave breaks of the last decade, being ridden by the world’s top big wave surfers.

In the original 1991 film, James Le Gros played Roach, one of the ex-Presidents; in the remake he plays an assistant director of the FBI. (Fun)

The Angel Falls sequence is an expensive one, with a structure that cost upwards of $500K to build. It consisted of a platform that was approximately the size of a football field just beneath the summit of the falls where the crew set up camp so as not to disrupt the environment by making camp on the ground. Kosove likened the shoot at Angel Falls to a “full-scale military operation”.

Teresa Palmer did most of her own stunts, despite this being her first acting job after she gave birth to her son Bohdi. (Wait … she named her son Bohdi, like the name of the character in Point Break?)

The wingsuit scene that takes place early in the film, was all choreographed and flown in real life. Taking place at “the crack” in Walenstadt, Switzerland, the sequence is edited together of multiple jumps, all flown by some of the best wingsuit pilots in the world: Jon DeVore, Michael Swanson, Julian Boulle & Noah Banson were doing the formations flying, while Jhonathan Florez & James Boole were flying just next to them as camera-guys. (this sequence was supervised by Jeb Corliss) The crew spent a period of 3½ weeks in Switzerland, and the wingsuit pilots did the jump more than 60 times to get the right shots.

Some of the world’s best athletes worked on this film, including Jeb Corliss, whom Kosove cited as being “the greatest wing suit athlete in the world”. Legendary surfers Laird Hamilton and Sebastian Zietz, and pro skateboarder Bob Burnquist were also involved & also pro rock climber Chris Sharma. (Cool)

Gerard Butler was the first person cast. He was cast as Bodhi but later dropped out due to scheduling conflicts. (Noooooooooo)

The film takes place over the period of about a month, and took close to a year to shoot. It was shot in over 10 countries and 4 continents. Point Break (2015) uses physical locations as much as possible, and the producers tried to be judicious when implementing green screens or VFX. (Roooooooooooad triiiiiiiiiiip)

Luke Bracey won the role of Johnny Utah after an extensive audition process, and he got the part due to the fact that he seemed “real” and unaffected, according to Kosove. An added bonus was the fact that Bracey has been surfing and playing rugby since childhood.

The closing credits last for 13 minutes 30 seconds. (I’ll just go ahead and skip those … unless they are so long because of multiple extended dance sequences and bloopie reels. Then I’m watching it multiple times)

Core also acts as cinematographer, a fact that actress Teresa Palmer called “a gift because he is so involved in every single aspect of this film.”

Director Ericson Core worked as the director of photography on The Fast and the Furious, a film very similar to Point Break (1991).

The Ozaki 8 as seen on the chalkboard in the FBI headquarters are as follows: -1. Emerging Force – Navigate the Inga Falls Rapids (Democratic Republic of the Congo) -2. Birth of Sky – Base jump from a high location (Everest, Tibet). -3. Awakening Earth – Penetrate the ground in the Cave of Swallows after skydive (San Luis Potosi, Mexico). -4. Life of Water – Surf giant ocean waves about 20-30 meters high (Biarritz, France). -5. Life of Wind – Fly with a wingsuit after jumping from the top of a mountain (Churfirsten Mountain Range, Switzerland). -6. Life of Ice – Snowboard from the top of an ice mountain to the mountainside (Aosta Valley, Italy). -7. Master of Six Lives – Climb the stone wall of a grand waterfall without using security measures (Angel Falls, Venezuela). -8. Act of Ultimate Trust – Jump off the waterfall after climbing it (Angel Falls, Venezuela).

Gone in 60 Seconds Preview

Just as it seems like Rich will succumb to his wounds his door busts in revealing Poe. “Bye Bye… man” Rich stammers. “Not on my watch, partner. RoboPD 3000, get in here,” with that a small flying robot zooms into the room, quickly assesses Rich’s wounds and goes to work with her advanced robot technologies. When he’s healed enough to enjoy a refreshing Coca-Cola, Rich recounts the horrific events of the previous evening. A group of thugs busted in on Christmas Eve, beat him within an inch of his life, and kidnapped Jade and their child, Junior. Tears glisten in his eyes as Poe suddenly looks away… Rich realizes something, “Poe, how… how did you know to come here?” Slowly Poe looks up, “I’m sorry…” “How!?” Rich screams, grabbing Poe by the collar. “RoboPD 3000 got a holofax last night. We thought it was a prank. Gruber was dead, I karate chopped him in the neck myself, remember… but… but there was something about it. Something that didn’t sit right. So we came here… and found you.” Rich is stricken, “show me.” With that a holofax of Gruber appears from RoboPD 3000, “Hello, Rich. I have your beloved. I have your child. Don’t worry, they are safe… for now. I have a task for you. Get a computer virus that’s been developed by some punks at Seattle Technical High School. I’d go myself, but… I’m an international fugitive thanks to you. So now you will help me or you and your family will be dead. Have fun.” With that the image flips off. Enraged, Rich grabs his gun and turns to Poe, “Will you help me,” to which Poe nods, “so how fast can we blow this joint?” and Poe can’t help but smile, “We’ll be gone in sixty seconds.” That’s right! We’re watching Gone in Sixty Seconds starring the incomparable Nic Cage and Hackers alum Angelina Jolie. There are a few films that leapt instantly to mind when we decided to do this cycle and this was one of them (I think you also might be able to guess the Jesse Bradford vehicle we may have chosen). There is something beautiful about a bad film with big stars and a big release. Can’t pass it up. Let’s go!

Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) – BMeTric: 19.4 

Gonein60SecondsIMDb_BMeT

Gonein60SecondsIMDb_RV

(A rating of 6.5 is patently absurd! How is it so high? I vaguely remember the film being entertaining … but I also remember it mostly being very silly. Is Gone in Sixty Seconds an Armageddon type thing where people of a certain age love it or something?)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Relentlessly stupid remake of the 1974 drive-in hit about a reformed car thief who – to save his kid brother – agrees to marshal a mass theft in 48 hours’ time, while cop Lindo is hot on his trail. Even for a no-brainer this is pretty poor, with low-octane action and a preposterous finale. Jolie is barely in it; Duvall and Lindo are wasted.

(Jolie is barely in it? I … don’t remember that somehow. Isn’t she Nic Cage’s right hand man? Everything else in that sounds excellent though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxCE9gDm1vo/

(Wow that is a truly truly awful trailer. Completely stunning just how bad the beginning of it is along with the graphics that appear all over the screen throughout.)

Directors – Dominic Sena – (Known For: Kalifornia; Future BMT: Whiteout; BMT: Season of the Witch; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Swordfish; Notes: A major music video director in the 2000s and co-founder of Propaganda Films.)

Writers – H.B. Halicki (1974 motion picture) – (Known For: Gone in 60 Seconds; BMT: Gone in Sixty Seconds; Notes: Used all of his own cars in the original film which basically didn’t have a script. Planned a remake in 1982 with a more polished production, but died in an on-set accident during filming.)

Scott Rosenberg (screenplay) – (Known For: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Con Air; High Fidelity; Beautiful Girls; Future BMT: Disturbing Behavior; Impostor; Venom; Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; BMT: Kangaroo Jack; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Notes: Notably was arrested alongside Vince Vaughn for their involvement in the 2001 bar brawl where Steve Buscemi was stabbed.)

Actors – Nicolas Cage – (Known For: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Mandy; Kick-Ass; The Rock; The Frozen Ground; National Treasure; Leaving Las Vegas; Raising Arizona; Face/Off; Teen Titans Go! To the Movies; Con Air; Snowden; Moonstruck; Grindhouse; Lord of War; Wild at Heart; Joe; The Croods; Future BMT: G-Force; Tokarev; Dying of the Light; Outcast; Pay the Ghost; 211; Stolen; Wings of the Apache; Southern Fury; USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage; The Humanity Bureau; The Runner; Looking Glass; Between Worlds; Inconceivable; Army of One; Zandalee; Deadfall; Amos & Andrew; Windtalkers; Trapped in Paradise; Knowing; Next; Sonny; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; 8MM; Christmas Carol: The Movie; BMT: The Wicker Man; Left Behind; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance; Ghost Rider; Drive Angry; Trespass; Season of the Witch; Bangkok Dangerous; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Justice; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2007 for The Wicker Man; in 2008 for Ghost Rider, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Next; in 2012 for Drive Angry, Season of the Witch, and Trespass; in 2013 for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, and Seeking Justice; and in 2015 for Left Behind; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Snowden in 2017; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2007 for The Wicker Man; and in 2012 for Drive Angry, Season of the Witch, and Trespass; Notes: Ya’ll know Nic Cage. Apparently his new movie Jiu Jitsu is the first film to take advantage of Cyprus’ new tax credit scheme by filming entirely within the country.)

Angelina Jolie – (Known For: Wanted; Girl, Interrupted; Maleficent; Mr. & Mrs. Smith; The Good Shepherd; Kung Fu Panda; Changeling; Salt; Beowulf; Kung Fu Panda 2; Kung Fu Panda 3; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; Playing by Heart; Pushing Tin; A Mighty Heart; Hell’s Kitchen; Future BMT: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; Alexander; By the Sea; Life or Something Like It; The Tourist; Shark Tale; Playing God; Original Sin; Taking Lives; Hackers; Foxfire; Beyond Borders; The Bone Collector; BMT: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and Original Sin; in 2003 for Life or Something Like It; in 2004 for Beyond Borders, and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; and in 2005 for Alexander, and Taking Lives; Notes: Ya’ll know Angelina Jolie. Apparently she’s going to be a Contributing Editor for Time starting this year.)

Giovanni Ribisi – (Known For: Avatar; Saving Private Ryan; The Bad Batch; Lost in Translation; Lost Highway; Ted; The Virgin Suicides; The Gift; Public Enemies; Ted 2; That Thing You Do!; Cold Mountain; Selma; Contraband; Boiler Room; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; Heaven; The Dead Girl; Meadowland; SubUrbia; Future BMT: The Mod Squad; Perfect Stranger; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Masked and Anonymous; Flight of the Phoenix; I Love Your Work; Basic; The Big White; All the Rage; Middle Men; Gangster Squad; The Other Sister; 10th & Wolf; BMT: The Postman; Gone in Sixty Seconds; Notes: An active Scientologist. I knew him originally for his role as Phoebe’s brother on Friends.)

Budget/Gross – $90 million / Domestic: $101,648,571 (Worldwide: $237,202,299)

(Actually not bad with the international gross. Strong argument it wasn’t a loss at least, and considering there would be a number of product placement opportunities with the cars, it probably was a pretty safe bet from the start.)

#3 for the Action Remake genre

gonein60seconds_actionremake

(Remake graphs are the best. You can see the two peaks where they seem to just run out of original properties and start recycling things temporarily. The cyclic nature of taste. Shocking that we’ve only seen four others: Red Dawn (2012), Death Wish (2018), Rollerball, and Get Carter. Not even halfway through the qualified films.)

#13 for the Heist / Caper genre

gonein60seconds_caper

(Right at the peak of terrible caper films. It’s beautiful. We’ve seen six of them now and this is the most profitable qualifying films. There are 26 qualifying films in total … where have we been!?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (34/137): Even though Oscar-bearers Nicolas Cage, Angelina Jolie, and Robert Duval came aboard for this project, the quality of Gone in 60 Seconds is disappointingly low. The plot line is nonsensical, and even the promised car-chase scenes are boring.

(Yeah the consensus seems to be that they really dropped the ball on the car chases. Reviewer Highlight: Where the original had too many car chases and not enough plot or characterisation, this has too much plot, too many characters and not enough metal crunching, tyre squealing action. – Time Out)

Poster – Gonna Get ‘Dem Cars Bro (B+)

gone_in_sixty_seconds

(I’m gonna shock the world and say that I kinda like this poster. Good color and nice unique font. I don’t really understand what’s happening with Nic Cage’s face being partially obscured, but overall I think the effect is good. It is a little odd that Angelina Jolie is featured on the poster when her role is fairly minor, but I think she just won an Oscar so makes sense.)

Tagline(s) – Ice Cold, Hot Wired. (B)

(The poster doesn’t have a tagline, so I chose the one from imdb that I liked the best. I’m not sure where they used this one but it tickles me. Nic Cage is Ice Cold and those cars are Hot Wired. It’s actually a pretty perfect tagline given my criteria. It’s short and sweet, hints at the plot, and uses Hot and Cold to nice affect. Unfortunate it’s not on the poster.)

Keyword(s) – auto theft; Top Ten by BMeTric: 76.5 Material Girls (2006); 74.0 Kangaroo Jack (2003); 68.2 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006); 44.6 National Security (2003); 37.3 xXx (2002); 33.5 Captive (II) (2015); 32.1 The Rookie (1990); 28.8 Let’s Go to Prison (2006); 28.3 The Hunted (2003); 27.4 Next (2007);

(Really good list I think. You can tell it is applied to the films properly, but doesn’t include every film ever made. And the Gone in 60 Seconds type film really seems to be a blind spot for BMT, just looking at the genres and this keyword.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 8) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Nicolas Cage is No. 1 billed in Gone in Sixty Seconds and No. 1 billed in The Wicker Man, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 5 + 1 = 8. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Seven Eleanor replicas were made for use in this movie. Five of them were totaled during stunt sequences. Nicolas Cage and Jerry Bruckheimer kept the remaining two. Cage regularly takes his out for joy rides, while Bruckheimer is afraid of driving his. (That sounds just like Cage)

Nicolas Cage did most of his own stunt driving for the film. He attended the Bondurant Driving School in Phoenix, Arizona, Willow Springs (another car driving school), and the Bobby Ore Stunt Driving School in preparation for the film. He liked the race car driving school so much, that he continued to pursue it as a hobby after shooting was completed. (A lot of actors seem to do this)

When Mirror Man (T.J. Cross) is talking to the clerk at the police impound yard, a sign can be seen in the background that reads “If you leave your car unlocked, it will be gone in 60 seconds.” This same sign was used in Gone in 60 Seconds (1974). (The exact same sign?! Cool)

[NOTE: There is an entire list of the type of cars and their nicknames here, it is cool, but enormous, so go to IMDb itself to see that]

Christopher Eccleston spoke with his natural Lancashire accent in the film, because he noted that in American films, the English accents are always either posh or Cockney.

While only basic plot elements are shared with the original Gone in 60 Seconds (1974), one is the location of the final car. Eleanor, a classic Mustang (a 1973 model in the original, a 1967 in this movie), was parked at the International Towers in Long Beach. (Little fan service)

After some disagreements with director Dominic Sena about the rewriting, Scott Rosenberg left the project. Writers Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams came in and did an uncredited rewrite of the script. (J.J. was all over the place back in the day)

The motorcycle that Sway (Angelina Jolie) rides in the movie is a 1999 MV Agusta Serie ORO (Gold Series). It’s one of only 300 produced worldwide, with a 750cc, in-line four-cylinder engine, which produces 125 horsepower, and a top speed of over 175 miles (281 kilometers) per hour. (Jesus, the excesses of Hollywood)

Right after the film’s release, Eleanor replicas based on the 1967 Mustang skyrocketed. Executive producer Denice Shakarian Halicki had to file a copyright for Eleanor’s likeness, and she won a court case against Carroll Shelby in 2008. His company, Carroll Shelby Enterprises, had a licensing agreement with Unique Performance in Farmers Branch, Texas, where his continuation series of Shelby Mustangs were produced until the company was closed in 2008 due to vehicle identification number irregularities and failure to deliver cars to customers. As of 2014, Classic Recreations of Tulsa, Oklahoma is the licensed manufacturer of the Eleanor replica used in the film, using 1967 Mustang fastback bodyshells supplied by Dynacorn Restoration Bodies.

The ultra-rare McLaren F1 was originally supposed to be in the movie, but after the producers couldn’t get their hands on one, it was replaced with another supercar, the Jaguar XJ220. (Wow, they couldn’t get one? They would just kind of fabricate them these days)

Christopher Eccleston did not have his driver’s license during the shoot. He did not choose to take the drivers test until several years after the film was released. (Ha!)

Delroy Lindo accidentally totalled the BMW he drives in the movie.

In 2012, a group called the “Gone in Sixty Seconds Gang” was arrested for stealing 39 cars in the U.K.

The bridge stunt was filmed at the Vincent Thomas Bridge which crosses Los Angeles Harbor. It was shut for a full day to film the car jump, the only time in the history of the bridge that this has happened. It was also featured in Lethal Weapon 2 (1989), To Live and Die in L.A. (1985), City of Angels (1998), and Charlie’s Angels (2000).

Jungle 2 Jungle Preview

Rich looks on in horror at the scene unfolding on the video screen near his hiding place aboard the space shuttle. Dark Gruber, the spider monster, laughs maniacally at his puny human captives. He looks primed to destroy Poe, his granny, Jade, and the astronaut Jim McBrawn. At the same time, Assassinbot 3000 prowls the corridors of the space shuttle looking to complete its primary task: destroy Rich. Did Poe not get his message about the importance of family? Or maybe he never realized what was so obviously staring at him in the face. Welp, it’s all up to him now as Dark Gruber looks pretty crude, rude and full of ‘tude (as the kids say) and he better communicate to Poe before it’s too late. Leaping from his hiding place, Rich begins to tussle with the Assassinbot 3000. His shirt is ripped off in the process, but not before he is able to grab some vital tubing. Ripping it free he’s covered with a spray of robot grease leaving his well-toned muscles glistening. They grapple for 30-40 minutes and each second weakens Rich further. Thinking quick he backflips his way around the robot’s laser beams to grab an ice cold Mountain Dew. With his batteries fully charged, Rich is able to land a high octane punch right in Assassinbot’s circuit box, disabling it. Rushing to the shuttle’s communication system he screams into the video feed, “Poe! Poe! It’s about family! It was always about family” Poe looks up, quaking under the stare of Dark Gruber and his uncontrollable spider rage. “Family?… but it’s just me and Granny.” Suddenly the astronaut Jim McBrawn steps up, “No, Poe… Rich is right. It’s time you knew the truth… I’m… I’m your son.” What a twist! That’s right! We are watching the Tim Allen classic Jungle 2 Jungle. I remember this film from my youth but obviously didn’t remember that Siskel clocked this in as his worst of 1997. Ebert’s for that year? The Year of the Horse. The film we all know and love. Let’s go!

Meanwhile… two hooded figures emerge from the jungle surrounding Ecumenopolis to gaze upon their final destination. They crack their knuckles as prepare their disguises. Simple father and son wasteland farmers looking to sell their wares in the BMTverse. That’s right! We’re also watching Little Indian, Big City, the French original from which Jungle 2 Jungle was adapted. Interestingly that film was Ebert’s worst of 1996… back to back champs! What a pairing for Bring a Friend. This also was a film that was not available on DVD with the original English dubbing. So I did the unthinkable. I bought that VHS and had a friend burn it. Don’t look at me, I’m hideous. Let’s go!

Jungle 2 Jungle (1997) – BMeTric: 55.3 

Jungle2JungleIMDb_BMeT

Jungle2JungleIMDb_RV

(Wow that is a really low IMDb score. I find it odd that people would go online to just rail on this 1997 kids film … but humans are a strange creature.)

Leonard Maltin – 3 stars –  Very likable, if predictable, Disney comedy about a career-obsessed New Yorker who goes to the Amazon to get final divorce papers signed by his ex-wife and comes back with a son he never knew he had. The boy’s jungle instincts are no match for life in Manhattan – though he does manage to score some points along the way. Good laughs throughout this family-oriented feature, a remake of the French hit Little Indian, Big City.

(Wow, this stands in stark contract to his 1.5 star review of Little Indian, Big City which he called a “[d]opey French kiddie comedy.” I seems like a difference in comedic tastes. Some people like seeing not-very-good French actors fall down, and some people don’t.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uQm7SOJymg/

(Wowza, that looks … pretty much like the French original. What? Yeah I’ve already watched the French original, wanna fight about it?)

Directors – John Pasquin – (Known For: The Santa Clause; Future BMT: Joe Somebody; BMT: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous; Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: Frequent collaborator with Tim Allen. Filmed 74 episodes of Last Man Standing.)

Writers – Hervé Palud (earlier screenplay Un indien dans la ville) – (Future BMT: Un indien dans la ville; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: The original’s director as well. He was the one that insisted the original be dubbed for its American release because he wanted to get people to go see it and he didn’t think people wanted to read subtitles. His son directed future BMT The Eye.)

Thierry Lhermitte (earlier screenplay Un indien dans la ville) – (Future BMT: Un indien dans la ville; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: The main actor in the original as well, and one of France’s most famous actors apparently.)

Jean-Marie Pallardy (earlier screenplay Un indien dans la ville) – (Future BMT: Un indien dans la ville; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: A former male model and soft-core porn director. Credited as Boris Pradley, or Igor Aptekman, or Edward John Francis, or his own name. I don’t know why.)

Philippe Bruneau (earlier screenplay Un indien dans la ville) – (Future BMT: Un indien dans la ville; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: His two children are actors. He died in 2012.)

Bruce A. Evans and Raynold Gideon (screenplay) – (Known For: Stand by Me; Mr. Brooks; Starman; Made in Heaven; Future BMT: Cutthroat Island; Kuffs; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: Struggled to get original screenplays produced after producing a bunch of rewrites and remakes (of this is one). Mr. Brooks revitalized their career a bit.)

Actors – Tim Allen – (Known For: Toy Story 4; Toy Story; Toy Story 3; Toy Story 2; Cars; Galaxy Quest; The Santa Clause; Big Trouble; El Camino Christmas; Redbelt; The Santa Clause 2; Future BMT: Zoom; The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; The Shaggy Dog; Joe Somebody; For Richer or Poorer; Crazy on the Outside; Meet Wally Sparks; Who Is Cletis Tout?; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Christmas with the Kranks; Wild Hogs; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2007 for The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, and Zoom; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause in 2007; Notes: Notably was arrested for drug trafficking (and spent two years in prison) way back in the say in Detroit. Turned his life around and became a famous movie star.)

Martin Short – (Known For: Inherent Vice; Mars Attacks!; Father of the Bride; The Spiderwick Chronicles; Treasure Planet; The Prince of Egypt; Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; ¡Three Amigos!; Get Over It; Kaze tachinu; Innerspace; Father of the Bride Part II; Frankenweenie; Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius; The Big Picture; Mumford; Cross My Heart; Future BMT: The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil; Captain Ron; Clifford; A Simple Wish; Pure Luck; The Pebble and the Penguin; We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story; Three Fugitives; Jiminy Glick in Lalawood; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause in 2007; Notes: Martin Short is hilarious. Him as Jiminy Glick was some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen, and he seems genuinely nice.)

JoBeth Williams – (Known For: Poltergeist; Kramer vs. Kramer; Wyatt Earp; The Big Chill; The Perfect Catch; Stir Crazy; The Big Year; The Dogs of War; In the Land of Women; Teachers; TiMER; Desert Bloom; Barracuda; Just Write; Future BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Switch; Dutch; BMT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Jungle 2 Jungle; Notes: John Pasquin’s wife. Apparently turned down the role of Murphy Brown. The character was apparently created with her in mind.)

Budget/Gross – $32 million / Domestic: $59,927,618

(Actually decent return. I’m a little surprised they didn’t eventually make Jungle 3 Jungle.)

#17 for the Comedy – Fish-Out-of-Water Father genre

jungle2jungle_daddyfishoutofwater

(I love fish out of water parents. Cheaper by the Dozen 2, The Pacifier, The Game Plan, Are We There Yet?, Old Dogs are all honestly classics. This appears to pre-date the big 2000s boom. Maybe Home Improvement itself was kind of a precursor to the “silly dad” sitcom trope.)

#17 for the Family – Remake genre

jungle2jungle_familyremake

(I just love how remakes come in waves. This was right in the first boom. The second being in the Golden Age of Bad Movies, the 2000s.)

#8 for the Remake – French genre

jungle2jungle_frenchremake

(Ha! It is at the literal peak of … French remakes? The Birdcage, True Lies … sounds about right. This is only our second we’ve done after Taxi.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (8/42)

(I’ll write a consensus: Banal, and only mildly amusing. A pretty dumb Tim Allen comedy. Reviewer Highlight: Roughly half of Tim Allen’s latest comedy is hilarious-stupid, and the rest is monotonous-stupid. – Kevin McManus, Washington Post)

Poster – Jingle 2 Jangle (C)

jungle_two_jungle_ver2

(I do respect these types of posters as they fully admit that the film is based entirely on one premise: Tim Allen is involved in the jungle! There is nothing else you need to know. If you are not buying a ticket based on that then the film offers nothing else that could convince you. That being said it’s not a great poster, but I enjoy the fun font on the “2”. On that alone I will elevate it to the middle.)

Tagline(s) – Get a little savage. (F)

(Oh boy… that’s insulting. I would like to think they would have known better, but I think I forget exactly how much was allowed to fly not that long ago. I have to give it an F because… you know… it’s racist.)

Keyword(s) – jungle; Top Ten by BMeTric: 75.6 Anaconda (1997); 74.9 After Earth (2013); 72.9 The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996); 72.1 A Sound of Thunder (2005); 70.2 Tees Maar Khan (2010); 69.7 Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004); 65.2 Thunderbirds (2004); 64.9 10,000 BC (2008); 64.0 The Phantom (1996); 60.3 xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017);

(I’m excited for Island of Dr. Moreau. I feel like it is aging like a fine wine. Tees Maar Khan is never happening, you can’t make me.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 7) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Leelee Sobieski is No. 6 billed in Jungle 2 Jungle and No. 1 billed in Here on Earth => 6 + 1 = 7. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – An entire day’s worth of film was lost when it was believed to have been accidentally left in a New York City taxicab. The film was never recovered.

An American remake of the successful French movie Un indien dans la ville (1994) (An Indian In The City). The plot follows the original fairly closely, except that the original was set in Paris rather than New York, and Mimi-Siku climbed the Eiffel Tower rather than the Statue of Liberty.

After shooting Charlotte’s cat with the dart, Michael exclaims “Oh no!” in the same grunting manner as Tim Allen’s character, Tim Taylor, in Home Improvement (1991).

In addition to relocating from Paris to New York, the character Mimi-Siku was made much older than the preteen in the French version. This was largely due to Americans’ general discomfort with young love, under the explanation that “a teenager can get into more trouble.” Additionally, despite American Mimi-Siku’s having lived in the wild, there’s less difference in the skin tones of the two male leads than in the original French film. This was done to emphasize their kinship.

The book Mimi-Siku is reading aloud at the end is “The Call of the Wild” by Jack London.

Feature film debut of Leelee Sobieski.

Allen and Short would later star together in The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006).

When Michael, Richard and Mimi-Siku are visiting Jovanovich after they ring the doorbell, Jovanovich yells “Open damn door!” then he says “Chort vozmi!”, which in Russian literally translates to “The devil take it!”

At one point, when Mimi walks outside along a ledge at Charlotte’s office, a man exclaims: “He’s doing a Fay Wray!” This is in reference to the actress Fay Wray, whom was the lead in the 1933 movie King Kong. She was carried to the top of the Empire State Building by King Kong.