Category: Comedy

Soul Man Preview

Jamie runs out of the restaurant in pursuit of Samantha. But Patrick doesn’t think it was the horror franchise part of the speech that had such an affect on her. It seemed to him that her face changed a little before that. How could his Keys to Love have missed so badly that the mere mention of something destroyed everything? Was there some flaw in the four keys that he hadn’t foreseen? Patrick counts on his fingers real quick. 1. The eyes are the windows to the soul (A.K.A. stylez=smilez). 2. Get all the feels (A.K.A. only the firmest handshake) 3. A rose by any other smell (A.K.A. cologne for days) 4. Putting (meats and cheeses) on the Ritz (cracker) (A.K.A. a very 2003 Celtics themed dinner). That seemed like everything… what could he be missing? Suddenly he becomes aware that Kyle is saying something. Despite the high likelihood this is about mannequins or is largely irrelevant, Patrick stops Kyle just in case. But as he’s about to let him know that he was not listening to whatever mannequin mambo jumbo he was going on about, his mouth goes dry. “I wasn’t listening,” he mutters. Kyle is hurt. He was very proud of his latest advancement in mannequin technology and while perhaps this wasn’t the most opportune moment to discuss it, it was still important to him. “Of course you weren’t,” he scoffs, “You guys never listen.” Suddenly the same thought Patrick had dawns on him. “My God, we have been missing a vital fifth lesson this whole time,” Patrick says, writing furiously in his notebook. Kyle and him rush out to catch Jamie to warn him about “Lesson #5: The ears are also the windows to the soul, man.” That’s right! We are watching Soul Man, the 80’s comedy about a guy who puts on black face to get a scholarship to Harvard… wait, that can’t be right. No, not the plot. I know that’s the plot of the film. It just can’t be right that we’re watching it. To pair with that we are blessedly cleansing the palate with Meatballs III: Summer Job, also known as a VHS special. Let’s go!

Soul Man (1986) – BMeTric: 41.1; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 9.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.1%; Higher BMeT: Howard the Duck, Troll, King Kong Lives, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Maximum Overdrive, Solarbabies, Raw Deal, Sorority House Massacre, Firewalker, Club Paradise, Iron Eagle; Higher Notability: Howard the Duck, Poltergeist II: The Other Side, The Golden Child, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Invaders from Mars, A Fine Mess, Ratboy, Solarbabies, Raw Deal, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Club Paradise, Armed and Dangerous, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Cobra, Iron Eagle, Wildcats, No Mercy, Blue City, The Best of Times, The Delta Force, and 3 more; Lower RT: 8 Million Ways to Die, Solarbabies, Sorority House Massacre, Band of the Hand, Deadtime Stories, American Anthem, Blue City, Nobody’s Fool, Firewalker, King Kong Lives, Armed and Dangerous, Haunted Honeymoon, TerrorVision, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Dangerously Close, Club Paradise, Quicksilver, Howard the Duck, Maximum Overdrive, Tai-Pan, and 1 more; Notes: It is profoundly disturbing that this film played on television 59 times in the 90s … but it does explain why I’ve seen it several times. King Kong Lives played 30 times, which seems insane. Again, 7 out of the top 10 BMeT, but we have seen the top 7, so that’s something. Meatballs III on the other hand? An astonishing 14 times on cable. Incredible stuff.

Roger Ebert – 1 star – Although the premise of “Soul Man” has been greeted with widespread derision, it actually has a lot of potential – even if it has been made into a lame-brained movie. … Howell seems to have wandered in from a teen comedy; there is never a moment when I felt he was really experiencing the feelings in this movie. Not even when he gets to feeling so black that he tosses around a symbolic basketball and confesses he doesn’t like the Beach Boys so much anymore.

(Kind of amazingly tepid review for a one star. I do understand the sentiment though. Howell is the weakest link in the film, it is very hard to feel like he’s changed in an appreciable way. Just watch the “trial” scene!)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2zMrjBLwn8/

(Should I make that beginning a gif so like when I’m super happy about something? Naw, I don’t want to send people a gif of half naked C. Thomas Howell. His terrible wig is INSANE. I can’t believe we are watching this.)

Directors – Steve Miner – ( Known For: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Lake Placid; Forever Young; House; Warlock; Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken; Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous; Here Come the Tigers; Future BMT: My Father the Hero; Big Bully; BMT: Friday the 13th Part 2; Friday the 13th: Part 3; Soul Man; Texas Rangers; Notes: The only person to have filmed two Friday the 13th films. Also nominated 2 Primetime Emmys for directing and producing The Wonder Years.)

Writers – Carol Black – ( BMT: Soul Man; Notes: I guess not surprisingly was also involved in The Wonder Years. She won for it in 1988 just prior to Miner coming on.)

Actors – C. Thomas Howell – ( Known For: The Amazing Spider-Man; E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial; The Outsiders; Hidalgo; Red Dawn; The Hitcher; Old Dads; Gettysburg; Woodlawn; LBJ; The Return of the Musketeers; Hitman’s Run; That Night; Side Out; Grandview, U.S.A.; Attack of the Killer Donuts; The Hillside Strangler; Storm Rider; Hoboken Hollow; Far Out Man; Future BMT: Secret Admirer; Reagan; Tank; BMT: Gods and Generals; Soul Man; Notes: It is absolutely no surprise he was in Reagan. He actually got married to Rae Dawn Chong in real life, although it didn’t last very long.)

Rae Dawn Chong – ( Known For: Commando; The Color Purple; Jeff, Who Lives at Home; Quest for Fire; Tales from the Darkside: The Movie; Crying Freeman; The Principal; American Flyers; Fear City; Cheech & Chong’s: The Corsican Brothers; Beat Street; Choose Me; The Borrower; City Limits; Far Out Man; When the Party’s Over; Shiver; Time Runner; Cyrus; Highball; Future BMT: Hideaway; The Squeeze; BMT: Soul Man; Notes: Tommy Chong’s daughter. Apparently discovered Chris Pratt while he was a waiter.)

Arye Gross – ( Known For: Minority Report; Tequila Sunrise; Just One of the Guys; A Midnight Clear; For the Boys; Mother Night; Big Eden; Exterminator 2; The Experts; Coupe de Ville; Seven Girlfriends; Nostalgia; Timelock; Spoiler; Big City Blues; The Prince and the Surfer; The Elevator; Shaking the Tree; A Matter of Degrees; Future BMT: House II: The Second Story; The Couch Trip; Hexed; The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Soul Man; Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike; Notes: This is maybe the craziest trivia I’ve ever seen on IMDb: Provided the voice of Lando Calrissian in the NPR version of The Return of the Jedi.)

Budget/Gross – $4.5 million / Domestic: $27,820,000 (Worldwide: $27,820,000)

(This is a huge success. Jesus, what would the sequel be … I think it would be that he’s now a judge and he is getting groomed to sit on the Supreme Court, but then he hears that actually the President is only considering a woman for the opening. Well that gives him an idea …)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (4/24): Critics had a whole lot less than a truckload of good loving for this woefully misguided take on race in ’80s America.

(What the hell is Rotten Tomatoes doing with the recap? That is a bizarre consensus. It barely makes sense.)

NYTimes Description: Steve Miner’s fast comedy about a young white man masquerading as a black student in order to get a scholarship to Harvard.

Poster – Sklog Man

(Christ. I mean sure. That entirely avoids the conceit of the film… probably should have taken that as a sign that they were not on the right track.Still, I like the framing and the font OK. C.)

Tagline(s) – Guess who’s coming to college? (D)

(C. Thomas Howell? Yeah, what’s the big whoop? Horrible.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.8 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 58.2 Amityville 3-D (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.5 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.7 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.4 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.4 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.3 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.2 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (Comedy): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.8 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.5 Ghost Dad (1990), 54.7 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.4 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.4 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.3 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.2 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 47.2 Transylvania 6-5000 (1985), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 43.7 Firewalker (1986), 43.6 Young Einstein (1988), 43.3 Deal of the Century (1983), 42.3 Shocker (1989), 42.0 Club Paradise (1986), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 41.8 Pink Cadillac (1989), 41.6 Loose Cannons (1990), 41.3 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Soul Man (1986), …

(Teen Wolf Too would have been a good choice. But man, we really couldn’t leave Soul Man on the table. It is just so nuts.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: C. Thomas Howell is No. 1 billed in Soul Man and No. 5 billed in Gods and Generals, which also stars Robert Duvall (No. 3 billed) who is in Days of Thunder (No. 2 billed) which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (1 + 5) + (3 + 2) + (6 + 4) = 21. If we were to watch The Squeeze, One Good Cop, and Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – C. Thomas Howell had to wear colored contacts when his skin was toned to look black. His eyes are normally a goldish color and really stood out once his skin was darkened.

C. Thomas Howell’s father, Chris Howell, did the stunts for this movie.

C. Thomas Howell and Rae Dawn Chong met on the set of this film, married, and later divorced.

Tim Robbins was cast in the lead, but dropped out when the filming of Howard the Duck (1986) went over schedule.

The house where Mark has dinner with the Dunbars was a set that was later donated to the California Institute of the Arts and is used by students for filming.

Celtic Pride Recap

Jamie

I always try to start these with an anecdote. Here Patrick is trying to steal my thunder. I am undeterred. On occasion you will see the question posed on Reddit or somesuch about a quote that you and your friends (in this case, my best friend Patrick awwww) use that is wildly obscure, but somehow entered your lexicon. One very common answer for us would be the quote “That’s nice, Peanut,” likely used to denigrate something that someone was excited about, but you are not as enthused by. An example would be the latest and greatest feats of your fantasy football team. Guess what? My team scored 200 points last week. “That’s nice, Peanut.” Translation: sounds nice for you, but really I’m not listening because I do not care. Forever we would have attributed this quote to Jury Duty. Peanut is the name of the dog in Jury Duty… now how this quote would be used given the context that “Peanut” is a dog… no idea. It just always was the connection made. What a shock to find the quote actually came from Celtic Pride. Life changing.

To recap, Jimmy and Mike are lifelong Celtics fans and season ticket holders. They are the pride of the section they inhabit and just when the glorious Boston Garden is about to be demolished it appears like their hard work will finally pay off in one more championship. Up 3-2 it appears to be a lock. However, as their superstitions go awry and the Utah Jazz superstar Lewis Scott gets hot, they lose and set up a deciding game 7. Later on they happen upon Scott at a nightclub and have a brilliant idea: get him so drunk that he’s hungover for the game. Unfortunately they also get blotto and wake up having drunkenly kidnapped him. Both terrified of the consequences of having done this and kinda into the idea of keeping him captive until after the game, they decide to go through with their drunken actions. Given that they are real dumb and losers, Scott is able to turn them against each other and eventually subdue them after a game of pickup basketball. Scott makes them a deal: they better root for the Jazz to win or he’ll turn them in to the authorities. Having reconciled with their families about the likelihood that they will end up in prison, they attend the game and root hard for the Jazz under the guise of a reverse jinx. However, as the Celtics take the lead they give Scott a real pep talk about teamwork and he leads the Jazz back to within a basket. In the end he makes the unselfish play and Jimmy and Mike celebrate the championship with him. Ultimately he makes sure they don’t go to jail. We end with them kidnapping Deion Sanders. THE END.

Alright, so this movie is actually a lot funnier than its reputation would lead you to believe. Akyroyd is far from my favorite actor, but this is one of the better roles I’ve seen him in. Daniel Stern on the other hand is good without any qualifiers. The range of emotions he puts on for this silly movie is impressive. Somehow this kind of ended his mainstream career that had taken off with Home Alone. I don’t know why. He’s good. He’s funny. They couldn’t find an actually good movie for him to be in? Weird. Damon Wayans is a bit raw, but it might be the material. The biggest problem with the film is the plot itself. We have a couple of white Boston superfans kidnapping the “showboating” and “selfish” black athlete. It’s not a good look… like at all. Add in some weird and wild 90’s gay panic jokes that land like a thud and you can see that to be truly resurrected as a cult hit the film would need a nice polishing to buff out the various scratches. Makes it very hard to actually like our main characters. Oh and there’s a scene where Akyroyd hits a half court shot during the game that has no purpose. I do believe there was a purpose to the scene that was edited out for time and so my mind can’t comprehend how the half court shot remained in the film. It is simply not a comedic scene and has no purpose.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Let’s get down to it. Why we’re all here: the truth. The truth is that the Celtics should have won the championship in this movie. It bothered me as a kid. It bothers me even more now. And not because I’m a Celtics fan. I swear. It just works better with the storyline. Hear me out. What if everything in the movie happens. We see the Jazz go down big. We see our main characters give the pep talk to Scott. We see him realize that he has to be unselfish and he helps them take the lead with seconds remaining with a well-timed pass to his teammate. Then we see that he has to guard the Celtic’s best player who makes a move and Scott is just not good enough defensively to stop him and the Celtics win. Our main characters are devastated. They are going to jail, but also it was beautiful basketball. They approach Scott who admits that they were right and he’s not going to turn them in. Instead he’s going to make them pay by crushing the Celtics next year. Flash forward to the Jazz having swept the C’s and Scott thanks his two biggest fans, Jimmy and Mike, who look miserable. That’s better, right? RIGHT?! Hot Take Temperature: He’s On Fire!

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! We talking about pride in my Celtics? That’s nice, Peanut. Let’s go!

Oh man, I’ve seen this film a few times when I was a kid. Which is weird because it wasn’t on TV in the 90s. I think I watched it once on video in the late 90s and then a few times in the very early 2000s. Honestly … loved it.

I’m sure Jamie mentioned it, but amusingly we thought the quote “That’s nice, Peanut” was from Jury Duty starring Pauly Shore for years. Because his dog is named Peanut (naturally). It isn’t. It is from this movie. Dan Aykroyd is talking to his grandmother and explaining how he is probably going to jail, and her response is: “That’s nice, Peanut.” Feels good after all these years to get that right.

And I will say, the film’s timeline is all kinds of fucked. Because they had to film it between when the Celtics vacated the old Garden and before it was destroyed, it meant the filming occurred in the late autumn into the fall. This means that everyone is wearing jackets and you can see everyone’s breath while running around outside. This, of course, is actually supposed to be June in Boston and it would never (ever) be cold enough to see your breath. So the entire thing is kind of surreal because the movie feels like it takes place in the winter, but actually it is supposed to be the summer. Just a very strange choice in filmmaking necessitated by the fact that there was simply one place and time the film could be filmed.

I do think the three main actors are quite funny in the film. The material itself is often annoying or depressing, but everyone gets there odd bit to shine. Aykroyd is probably the main over the top hammy performance which could have been toned down.

The movie though just isn’t very funny (it is actually mostly just unpleasant), and the conclusion is not satisfying in a way … as a Celtics fan I mean.

But the movie is a pretty legendarily bad sports film, which is a rare genre it turns out.

Some awesome Product Placement (What?) for Oscar Mayer hot dogs during the commercial challenge. Oh wait, where was this film taking place again? Oh right, Setting as a Character (Where?) it is set in Boston ha ha. Given the timing issues I noticed, it is a pretty funny Exact Date (When?) movie in that you can assume it is set precisely between the 6th and 7th game of the 1996 NBA championships. Actually genuine Good Twist (How?) for the ultimate conclusion that Utah wins which is somewhat unexpected I think. This movie is BMT through and through and obviously also supremely entertaining.

What else can we learn from Celtic Pride? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Celtic Pride Quiz

My god … well I promise you this. You ain’t learning a thing about the Boston Celtics in this quiz. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The Celtics are playing the Utah Jazz in the finals. Everyone knows the Utah Jazz used to be the New Orleans Jazz prior to moving in 1979. The New Orleans Jazz star player at the time is also the all-time leading scorer in Men’s Division I College Basketball. Who was that player?

 2) One of the commercials Lewis Scott performed in was for Oscar Mayer. You know the famous jingle right. My [BLANK] has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R. What fills in the blank?

3) At the end of the film they kidnap Deion Sanders, who would have been playing for the Dallas Cowboys at the time (and maybe still the Reds). What college did Deion Sanders go to?

4) Bill Murray claims this film is why he doesn’t accept roles from Judd Apatow. Bill Murray has a possibly apocryphal system whereby he has an answering machine he checks infrequently which is the only way roles can be offered to him. He did accept the role of Garfield though. Who was\ the director of that film?

5) A lot of the people involved were also involved with Saturday Night Live over the years. An SNL movie through and through is Dirty Work starring Norm Macdonald. That film though is (kind of) based on a short story, Vengeance is Mine, Inc, by what author?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: You might need a hint for this one: it shares its name with a 2008 film:

What is the film?

Answers

Celtic Pride Preview

“You guys really are the Mud Squad!” Pierre says, eyes shining with excitement. “How was that?” He asks, practicing his lines for the latest commercial for The Mud Squad Spa and Perfumery, the hog themed relaxation hotspot that they replaced the cursed hog farm with. They lie to him and say it was fine, then shake hands and bid him adieu. Before their flight back to New York, Jamie and Samantha sit canoodling in the corner whispering sweet nothings into their very undeaf ears. “Awww,” Kyle says, touched by his own memories of young love with Rachel the Pretzel Girl. “Looks like we won’t need four lessons after all, eh?” He continues, assuming that Jamie has already sealed the deal. Patrick chuckles. “Wrong again, old friend. This is puppy love. Jamie was looking for love love. And there’s only one way to a woman’s heart.” Kyle’s nods, picking up what he’s putting down. “Lesson #4: Putting (Meats and Cheeses) on the Ritz (Cracker).” Back in NYC, Patrick and Kyle recognize that Jamie is simply too in love to do the cooking himself. They decide to Ratatouille this shit and be his arms, eyes, ears, and nose for the Love Meal they got brewing. “The only thing we won’t be is your mouth, because that’ll be busy smooching.” Patrick says with a wink and they all triple high five. “But we can’t do a Love Meal without an intricate theme,” Kyle chimes in. He’s right, and Patrick turns to Jamie to hear his brilliant idea. “I like the Boston Celtics,” he says shrugging. Patrick is a bit bemused, but it’s Jamie’s Love Meal and so he’ll do his best. Besides, a good team should make for a good meal. “The 2003 Boston Celtics,” Jamie finishes smiling. Patrick is horrified. That’s right! We are watching the best Boston Celtics themed comedy of the 90’s and doing a real classic with Celtic Pride. All I remember about this is that the Celtics should have won in the end. We must avenge them. Let’s go!

Celtic Pride (1996) – BMeTric: 43.0; Notability: 45

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.0%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.2%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Bio-Dome, Striptease, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Solo, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, First Kid, Eddie, The Glimmer Man, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Chain Reaction, Maximum Risk, Big Bully, and 5 more; Higher Notability: Jingle All the Way, The Fan, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Mulholland Falls, Daylight, 101 Dalmatians, Eye for an Eye, Up Close & Personal, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Sgt. Bilko, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, In Love and War, Space Truckers, Girl 6, Larger Than Life, and 11 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, Getting Away with Murder, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Faithful, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, Dear God; Notes: I actually cannot believe this, but Celtic Pride apparently didn’t ever play on television in the 90s … that seems impossible. I personally watched it on television multiple times, but it must have been in the 2000s or something. I’m still hunting around. We are 10/10 on the top 20 BMeT films, which is solid. We really have hit around 50% of the entire 90s it would seem.

New York Times – There is more hysterical screaming in “Celtic Pride” than you will find in a dozen horror movies, but not an ax murderer in sight. The screamers in this stridently unfunny comedy about sports obsession are Boston Celtic fans whose rabid devotion to the basketball team amounts to a self-destructive addiction. – Stephen Holden

(Man, eviscerating it. But he ain’t wrong, there are very few actual jokes in the film. Mostly the jokes are just people insulting each other quite seriously and you are (I guess) supposed to laugh at them instead of with them? Doesn’t really work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnQFSfapPl8/

(Goddamn I watched this film all the time back in the day. I do love how in this film there is basically like one black guy in the NBA and he’s an asshole. Not exactly a good look haha. “That’s nice peanut” is something I say all the time, and until recently I had kind of assumed it was from maybe The Wedding Singer, but a pleasant surprised to remember it was from this weirdo film.)

Directors – Tom DeCerchio – ( Known For: Boys Life 2; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Apparently was supposed to direct Ace Ventura 2 but left abruptly.)

Writers – Judd Apatow – ( Known For: The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Knocked Up; Pineapple Express; This Is 40; Funny People; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; The King of Staten Island; Heavyweights; The Bubble; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Fun with Dick and Jane; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 13 Emmys. Won for The Ben Stiller Show, The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling, and George Carlin’s American Dream. Somewhat notably had a very very experience with this film which was almost certainly intended to be a Knicks film. But you can’t pass up filming in the decommissioned Boston Garden before it was demolished.)

Colin Quinn – ( BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Colin Quinn: Long Story Short. I used to watch Tough Crowd all the time. I wonder how much of a disaster some of those episodes seem these days … I don’t care to find out.)

Actors – Damon Wayans – ( Known For: Beverly Hills Cop; Last Action Hero; The Last Boy Scout; Roxanne; Colors; Earth Girls Are Easy; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Bamboozled; The Great White Hype; Punchline; Hollywood Shuffle; Farce of the Penguins; Richard Pryor: Omit the Logic; Cinnamon; Why We Laugh: Black Comedians on Black Comedy; Future BMT: Look Who’s Talking Too; Major Payne; Blankman; Mo’ Money; Marci X; BMT: Bulletproof; Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 4 Emmys for In Living Color. The Lethal Weapon series he was part of had issues with the person playing Riggs who was killed off, it was a whole thing. I think it was the Riggs’ guy’s fault, but the series was basically doomed at that point.)

Daniel Stern – ( Known For: Home Alone; The Next Three Days; Hannah and Her Sisters; Whip It; City Slickers; Very Bad Things; Game Over, Man!; Rookie of the Year; Breaking Away; Stardust Memories; Blue Thunder; Diner; My Blue Heaven; Little Monsters; C.H.U.D.; D.O.A.; The Milagro Beanfield War; Born in East L.A.; Otis; The Last Time; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; Bushwhacked; BMT: Leviathan; Celtic Pride; Notes: Was a huge star in the 90s and then just kind of disappeared. I feared I would figure out there was something quite bad that caused this, but nope, it seems like he just soft retired or did theater acting or something. It is a little hard to tell.)

Dan Aykroyd – ( Known For: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; Ghostbusters; 50 First Dates; Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters II; Ghostbusters: Afterlife; The Blues Brothers; Trading Places; Antz; Casper; The Campaign; Evolution; Driving Miss Daisy; Grosse Pointe Blank; Tommy Boy; My Girl; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; Sneakers; Chaplin; The Great Outdoors; Future BMT: Coneheads; Spies Like Us; Loser; My Stepmother Is an Alien; Sgt. Bilko; Yogi Bear; My Girl 2; Feeling Minnesota; Doctor Detroit; The Couch Trip; Loose Cannons; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Pixels; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Christmas with the Kranks; Tammy; Crossroads; Nothing But Trouble; Canadian Bacon; Caddyshack II; North; Celtic Pride; Exit to Eden; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Y’all know Aykroyd. You know? The guy who makes that skull shaped vodka. Anyways, yeah, was an OG member of SNL, became a huge comedy star in the 80s and 90s, and now mostly just pops up here and there doing guest spots (and selling vodka). Somewhat embarrassingly his sole Oscar nomination was for Driving Miss Daisy. Was nominated for five Emmys for SNL and won one in 1977.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $9,255,027 (Worldwide: $9,255,027)

(Seems bad. There is no way the stars plus the Garden didn’t blow up this budget. Also filming in Boston? Yeah, going to be tough to recoup that.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (3/25)

(Oh I haven’t written a consensus in a long while. Loud, offensive, and short on laughs, Celtic Pride gives sports comedies a bad name.)

Reviewer Highlight: An uneven but largely likable basketball-themed comedy. – Jon Leydon, Variety

Poster – Celtics Should Have Won

(This honestly looks like a joke poster for a joke movie designed to make people angry. I know there are things like Fever Pitch and Angels in the Outfield and things like that, but this is objectively an absurd concept for a film. The poster is fine. A lot going on and not all of it is good or bad. I think I’m going to punt and give it a C.)

Tagline(s) – If you can’t beat ’em… steal him. (A)

(Ha! OK, I kind of like that. Funny too, because originally the tagline as written here had an exclamation point at the end. I didn’t like that. It’s like texting with exclamation points. Too exuberant. Tone it down. But when you look at the poster it doesn’t have one. Phew. Good.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), …

Best Options (Comedy): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 57.9 Holy Man (1998), 57.6 Flubber (1997), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.2 Ringmaster (1998), 55.8 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 55.8 The Stupids (1996), 54.3 Gone Fishin’ (1997), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.6 Made in America (1993), 53.4 Richie Rich (1994), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.5 Coneheads (1993), 52.3 The Pest (1997), 52.2 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 50.9 Jack Frost (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), 50.0 Blank Check (1994), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.7 Ready to Wear (1994), 49.5 My Girl 2 (1994), 49.4 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 49.3 A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.0 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 47.6 Blankman (1994), 46.8 B*A*P*S (1997), 46.2 First Kid (1996), 45.9 House Party 3 (1994), 45.6 D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996), 45.4 Home Fries (1998), 45.2 Surf Ninjas (1993), 45.0 Man of the House (1995), 44.8 Top Dog (1995), 44.7 King Ralph (1991), 44.6 Beverly Hills Ninja (1997), 44.6 I Love Trouble (1994), 44.5 My Giant (1998), 44.3 Sidekicks (1992), 44.2 Big Bully (1996), 44.1 Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 101 Dalmatians (1996), 43.5 That Darn Cat (1997), 43.1 Excess Baggage (1997), 43.1 Beethoven (1992), 43.0 The Meteor Man (1993), 42.7 Celtic Pride (1996), …

(Alright, not the best comedy we could have done, but a solid 1996. Sure we could have done the Stupids, or Big Bully. But like … what if we didn’t want to watch a Tom Arnold film? Then what?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Damon Wayans is No. 1 billed in Celtic Pride and No. 1 billed in Bulletproof, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 2 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – One of two films that writer/director Judd Apatow wrote the screenplay for in 1996. The other was The Cable Guy starring Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick which he fought hard to get credit in a battle with the WGA after rewriting the majority of the script for both Carrey and director Ben Stiller. He still got a producer’s credit despite it.

Stay tuned after the film’s end credits for a shot of the old Boston Garden being imploded for demolition since both the Boston Celtics basketball team and the Boston Bruins NHL hockey team both moved to the Fleet Center, which was located not far from the old arena for the start of their respective 1995-96 seasons. The film was released towards the end of the regular season and beginning of the playoffs in both sports.

The first film that director Tom DeCerchio accepted after he was fired from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls by Warner Bros. early in 1995.

The scenes that were shot in the Boston Garden were actually created by the film’s production designer Stephen Marsh that was about 90% close to what the old Boston Garden looked like at the time.

One of three movies with Damon Wayans release in 1996. The other two were The Great White Hype and Bulletproof.

The Ladies Man Recap

Jamie

I was having a real case of nostalgia recently thinking about the (kind of amazing) theatrical experiences of my youth. I recall seeing the Power Rangers movie for a birthday party and my memory is that the theater was a madhouse with kids going wild before the film started up. I remember being baffled by Godzilla in 1998 and then even more baffled when I saw Wild Wild West in a jam packed summer theater. I recall thinking Hulk was quite bad (again in a totally packed theater) and one year for our birthday going to see a double feature of Princess Mononoke and (at least as I recall) The Fantasticks… which seems impossible given when those films came out, but hard to say with a small town theater. I remember laughing so hard at Austin Powers 2 during the scene in the tent where the shadows make it seem like Powers is getting stuff pulled out of his butt (classic) and then Wedding Crashers being an absolute sensation and people going to see it over and over in theaters. Anyway… what does this have to do with The Ladies Man? Not much. I don’t think we saw it in theaters, but we definitely watched it once it came out on video. We saw everything back then.

To recap, Leon Phelps is a local radio host in Chicago. He’s real profane and misogynistic and is only kept around because the owner of the radio station has a soft spot for Leon. But Eugene Levy has gone over the owner’s head and with just one more slip up Leon is off the air… and it takes about five seconds for that to happen and he’s fired. Leon is helped out by Julie, his producer, who owes Leon for helping her pick up the pieces after a disastrous wedding. She’s in love with him, but he doesn’t really see it as he’s busy getting busy. In fact, there is a whole cadre of men out there gathering to hunt him down for bedding their wives… once they find out who he is at least. Julie takes Leon around to find a new job but he bungles it at every turn. Fortunately he gets a letter in the mail saying that one of his former flames is looking to run away with him and give him all her money. Hooray. Julie is dismayed, but Leon is not. He just has to figure out who this lucky lady is. He goes on the search and figures out that it’s the wife of the head of the group of murderous men at nearly the same time that they figure out that he’s the culprit for all their marital strife. This culminates in Leon going over to the lady’s house only to be confronted by the men and challenged to a Greco-Roman wrestling match. Leon quickly dispatches him, convinces all the other men that it was their own inattention to their ladies that got them in trouble, and walks off with Julie on his arm. THE END.

Honestly, as I wrote that recap I wondered if this movie was actually a funny concept that was just bungled badly. Like the synopsis is clever in how dumb it is… turning on a dime away from one plot (looking for a job) into another (finding his former flame) by sheer coincidence. It should be funny, and certainly has a few moments, but it’s pretty light on the jokes (and offensive to boot). Maybe because the plot is so kind of complicated in how it twists itself around that they didn’t really have much time to get the right jokes flowing. Anyway, this was unfortunately quite bad. The best parts are with Will Ferrell  (the only parts I remembered from the first viewing). The worst parts are with Lee Evans… even though they share most of their scenes together. I guess to end on a positive note: I think this was probably on the right track with how it is constructed. Starting to edge towards that Anchorman absurdity where the plot doesn’t matter much and can be thrown away at any moment. Just… like… where are the jokes?

Hot Take Clam Bake! Gonna go out on a limb on this one. Leon and Julie? I don’t think they make it. Here’s why: Leon, while loyal to his friends and a generally good guy, is also obviously a sex addict. He needs help. Julie seems to think that she can change him. You can’t change him, girl. He needs to take care of his need to find love. He also probably has a problem with alcohol (you see him chugging that Courvoisier? No bueno). Also, he still doesn’t have a job and seems incapable of getting one. Alright, so we got an unemployed addict living on a houseboat and you are a professional woman who is good at her job. Solid stuff. Hot Take Temperature: A Houseboat Aflame.

Patrick?  

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about an SNL film (again) that was garbage (again)? Let’s go!

As far as what I was thinking going into this film? Well, I mean … I’ve seen this film before. Obviously. I was once a teenage boy in the 90s. I only really remembered the fact that Will Ferrell was in it and was a very strange character obsessed with Greco-Roman wrestling. The SNL skits … I guess I haven’t seen one in a while. One second. Alright, it was what I expected, but there was actually a solid joke where someone asks for a poem, for example by Keats. And Leon responds “Well, sure, Stacy Keach is good. I didn’t care for the Mike Hammer series. But how about this …” That’s pretty good.

As far as this movie … boring and unfunny probably just about sums it up. Gross at times. Even the irreverent stuff (the very very long musical interlude among the roving band of jilted men looking to kill Leon) doesn’t work and seems more like an extended SNL sketch (the musical interlude was done better with the West Side Story parody in the first place). In the skits Leon seems dumb and inconsiderate. In this he seems actually like a garbage person, a gold digger with little evident remorse. But you know, none of that is that big of a deal, not too important if the film is funny … but as I said, it isn’t.

This is actually only our third SNL film. It’s Pat, and Stuart Saves His Family are the other two … amazingly neither actually qualify. We seemingly made exceptions for them having been released to very few theaters. We still have Superstar, Coneheads, The Waterboy (is it?), and A Night at the Roxbury to go. How have we managed this? How have we done (probably) the three worst SNL films available? It is nuts.

A few more quick things about the film: Billy Dee Williams being in this is a trip. He really wasn’t in that many major releases past the 90s, so why he agreed to do this is beyond me.

I like Will Ferrell but this is probably the weakest I’ve ever seen him. Overacting, and really quite aggravating.

And of course the king of overacting: Lee Evans, and this is no different.

And there is not a single funny joke in the entire film! It is remarkably unfunny. Almost impossibly so.

Naturally the obvious Product Placement (What?) for Courvoisier. Naturally a Worst Twist (How?) for the inevitable reveal that the lady the Ladies Man has been looking for the whole time is the wife of Will Ferrell who is leading the gang looking to murder him in cold blood. This movie is Bad bad bad, it just is not funny even for one moment.

Read about The Ladies Man cartoon I detail in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Ladies Man Quiz

Oh man, get this. I got home and my wife was sleeping with a mysterious stranger who ran away. Grrrrrrrr. And worse still I ran over him, tripped, and smashed my head directly into the ground. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Ladies Man?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Where did Leon grow up?

2) What identifying feature does Leon have on him that allows Lee Evans to identify Leon as the man who had an affair with his wife?

3) Why did Leon get fired, and then what is the only other radio job he managed to get before also getting fired?

4) How does the roving band of slighted husbands find Leon?

5) Who was Sweet Thing?

Bonus Question: Ahhh, some more sweet early 2000s reminiscing. Do you remember waking up on Saturday morning, pouring an entire box of cereal into a bowl, and eating it while watching some toons? What was the cartoon you watched all the time back then?

Answers

The Ladies Man Preview

Jamie slicks his hair back real nice and prepares for the return of Samantha. He’s got chocolates in one hand, a robot hand ready to extend a bouquet of flowers, and his other hand free as a bird. “You sure you don’t need me to wipe down your handshake hand?” Kyle asks helpfully but Jamie waves him off. His hands are perfect, dry and flaky like a fresh croissant. The door to their apartment opens and in walks Sam looking beautiful. Upon seeing Jamie and his gifts, her face brightens and she runs towards him. Jamie crouches, but before he can rocket his hand forward she leaps into his arms and soon they are making out… hard. Patrick flips through his love manual. “My word, they’ve skipped right past Lesson #3! I’ve never seen anything like this!” He exclaims. After several hours, the make-out session peters out. “Well I guess you don’t need us any more,” Patrick says, tears in his eyes, but before he leaves all of their cell phones start buzzing. “Oh,” Jamie says, a bit puzzled, “it looks like Scott Bakula passed away while we were in England and there was a funeral… I wonder why so many people sent us the video?” They all simultaneously press the play button and are treated to a wild scene where Scott Bakula’s coffin accidentally opens and his head flies out. They burst out laughing. Sam is appalled. “Wasn’t he your dad?” she asks. “No, I don’t think so,” Jamie says. Patrick hesitantly agrees while trying to remember if that had definitely been established. “Still,” she says in disgust and storms out. Jamie hangs his head. “Smooth moves, Ladies man,” Patrick says and opens his manual again. “Time for Lesson #3: A Rose by Any Other Smell…” That’s right! We are watching one of the many SNL failures of the late 90’s/early 2000s. This was before they learned the lesson that maybe they shouldn’t make films based on sketches that are one-joke punchlines with no characters or plots. Let’s go!

The Ladies Man (2000) – BMeTric: 48.3; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians, Highlander: Endgame, Dracula 2000, Supernova, Big Momma’s House, Get Carter, Little Nicky, The Next Best Thing, Hanging Up, Down to You, Lost Souls, The Crow: Salvation, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, Loser, and 4 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Little Nicky, Gone in 60 Seconds, Mission to Mars, Coyote Ugly, Ready to Rumble, Supernova, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, Reindeer Games, Hollow Man, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Rules of Engagement, 102 Dalmatians, Bless the Child, Isn’t She Great, Final Destination, 28 Days, Dracula 2000, Get Carter, and 19 more; Lower RT: Fortress 2: Re-Entry, 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Down to You, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Heavy Metal 2000, Dungeons & Dragons, Circus, The Skulls, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Watcher; Notes: As far as over-50 BMeTric we’ve seen 13 out of 22 from the year 2000, which is both astonishing and distressing … how are there still nine? In our defense I guess things like The Next Best Thing and Hanging Up seem like real films, but I can assure you they are not. And don’t worry we’ll watch Viva Rock Vegas soon. Really The Nutty Professor II (which I’ve seen multiple times outside of BMT) is the big oversight here.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “The Ladies Man” is yet another desperately unfunny feature-length spin-off from “Saturday Night Live,” a TV show that would not survive on local access if it were as bad as most of the movies it inspires. There have been good “SNL” movies, like “Wayne’s World,” “The Blues Brothers” and “Stuart Saves His Family.” They all have one thing in common: “SNL” producer Lorne Michaels was not primarily responsible for them.

(You mean BMT classic Stuart Saves His Family? But yeah, that actually was surprisingly good considering. But yeah, sometimes SNL films are just misunderstood. I think this one ain’t it. I remember enough about it to remember how weird and unfunny it is.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by5n8coSofU/

(Yeah, that looks about right. By which I mean dumb and not funny. The trailer is completely void of plot, as is, I assume, the movie it is meant to represent.)

Directors – Reginald Hudlin – ( Known For: Boomerang; Marshall; Candy Cane Lane; House Party; The Great White Hype; Safety; The Black Godfather; Sidney; BMT: Serving Sara; The Ladies Man; Notes: Basically does a ton of television like The Bernie Mac Show. Nominated for an Oscar for writing Django Unchained.)

Writers – Tim Meadows – (BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Indeed, the only actual film he has a credit on. Got nominated for an Emmy for SNL, but only once, which I’m surprised by. He was on the show for quite a while, so I’m surprised he moved out of writing so quickly.)

Dennis McNicholas – ( Future BMT: Land of the Lost; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for Emmys 10 times for SNL (won once). He also wrote for The Jon Stewart Show in 1995 which predated him taking over the Daily Show.)

Harper Steele – ( Known For: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; Casa de mi Padre; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for three Daytime Emmys for various event broadcasting. Was also nominated for Original Main Title Theme Music of all things for The Spoils of Babylon. And then nominated four times (won once) for SNL. Clearly moved for Funny or Die with Will Ferrell.)

Actors – Tim Meadows – ( Known For: Mean Girls; Trainwreck; Wayne’s World 2; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Dream Scenario; Mean Girls; GravyTrain; Wasabi Tuna; For Madmen Only: The Stories of Del Close; Future BMT: Semi-Pro; Coneheads; Aliens in the Attic; The Cookout; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; Jack and Jill; The Benchwarmers; The Ladies Man; It’s Pat: The Movie; Notes: He never stops working. Does voices, and films, and random one offs. Never stops. I’ll have to rewatch his I Think You Should Leave sketch.)

Karyn Parsons – ( Known For: Death Spa; 13 Moons; Mixing Nia; Future BMT: Major Payne; Class Act; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: She plays Hilary in Fresh Prince obviously. She seems to have mostly retired after 2002.)

Billy Dee Williams – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back; Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Batman; The Lego Movie; The Lego Batman Movie; The Conversation; Fanboys; Undercover Brother; Nighthawks; The Out of Towners; Quincy; Lady Sings the Blues; Barry Munday; Fear City; Hood of Horror; Terror in the Aisles; Mahogany; The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings; Is That Black Enough for You?!?; Future BMT: Woo; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Brian’s Song. Woo is a weird looking film, and it is a bit unbelievable that Billy Dee never floated around into other random garbage comedies and junk. We’ll see him in some friends I think: Fear City, Terror in the Aisles, Deadly Illusion, Number One with a Bullet. To name a few.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $13,616,610 (Worldwide: $13,743,212)

(My god, why would it cost $24 million? Insane idea that this would take in what? $50 million or something. Crazy dumb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (8/72): The Ladies Man joins the growing list of mediocre movies based on SNL skits. It just doesn’t have enough material to last the length of the movie.

(I can’t believe this is above 10%. Premonition gets 8% and this gets 11%? Nuts. But yeah, again, it really did seem like this skit is a wild idea for a film. What were the skits about? Him giving bad advice on late night local radio? Insane idea.)

Reviewer Highlight: For what it is, a 90-minute spinoff of a Saturday Night Live sketch, Reginald Hudlin’s film The Ladies Man is not bad. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Ladies Sklog

(It’s hard to begrudge a poster that is simply doing its job. It is aiming to bring people into the theater for a film based on the Ladies Man sketch. So why wouldn’t you place that front and center with some courvoisier? What else were they supposed to do? I like the font too, so B-. Why not?)

Tagline(s) – He’s cool. He’s clean. He’s a love machine. (B-)

(Again, credit where credit is due. They want to go the traditional tagline route and while they are stretching a little with the “clean” part, I more or less get what they are going for. Not particularly clever though.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), The Island (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), The Animal (2001), The Marine (2006), Wing Commander (1999), …

Best Options (Comedy): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.7 102 Dalmatians (2000), 67.7 Phat Girlz (2006), 67.5 Thunderbirds (2004), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 66.6 In the Mix (2005), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.5 Boat Trip (2002), 64.4 Fat Albert (2004), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 63.8 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.0 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 61.9 Deck the Halls (2006), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.4 Happily N’Ever After (2006), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.6 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 59.1 The Haunted Mansion (2003), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 57.2 Hanging Up (2000), 57.1 Marci X (2003), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.8 Johnson Family Vacation (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.9 Snow Dogs (2002), 54.7 The Wild (2006), 54.7 Balls of Fury (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.8 The Divorce (2003), 52.7 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Kickin’ It Old Skool (2007), 52.1 Superstar (1999), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 51.4 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 51.2 My Favorite Martian (1999), 51.0 Eight Crazy Nights (2002), 51.0 Racing Stripes (2005), 50.7 Stealing Harvard (2002), 50.6 Rebound (2005), 49.9 Just Married (2003), 49.7 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.5 Showtime (2002), 49.5 The Perfect Man (2005), 49.2 The Wash (2001), 49.1 Clockstoppers (2002), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.9 Tomcats (2001), 48.8 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 48.5 Little Black Book (2004), 48.3 The Ladies Man (2000) …

(Some might say we chose wrong. But others might say Thomas and the Magic Railroad being that bad is crazy. In reality there is a strong argument we should be watching The Klumps. But whatever. That’ll wait for another day.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tim Meadows is No. 1 billed in The Ladies Man and No. 9 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 9) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Cookout, and Turn It Up we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Inna Korobkina’s on-screen debut.

David Wells appeared in a scene, but it was deleted.

The 10th movie based on a popular recurring character that originated on Saturday Night Live (1975), and the last movie until the release of MacGruber (2010).

The first movie from a Saturday Night Live skit to be rated R since Blues Brothers (1980).

With this movie, Reginald Hudlin is the first and only person of color to direct a movie based on a Saturday Night Live (1975) character.

Dumb and Dumber To Recap

Jamie

It’s wild that I didn’t end up seeing Dumb and Dumber To in theaters. Not just because we saw the prequel in theaters, but because there was a stretch pre-Anchorman and pre-Wet Hot American Summer where it’s a reasonable possibility that I would have said the original film was my favorite comedy of all time. Amazingly this didn’t play into seeing the prequel at all (we obviously knew that was a tragic mistake and we were just seeing it for a goof… right?). Then all those many years later it felt like the original had shrunk so far in my imagination that it never even crossed my mind to see the sequel when it came out. To be honest (and this is shameful)… I’m not sure I knew it even qualified for BMT. What a twist! You know what? I blame the name. That’s on you, Dumb and Dumber To.

To recap, Harry and Lloyd are back, Jack! Many years after the events of the first film we find Harry taking care of Lloyd who has lapsed into a fugue state for decades. This turns out to be a prank and Lloyd and Harry proceed home where Harry informs him that he needs a kidney transplant. They head over to his parent’s house to see if they can help, but they are an old Asian couple that adopted Harry, so they can’t help. Fortunately Harry has a letter from Fraida Feltcher who informs him that he fathered a child with her and that child might now have an extra kidney for him. Fanny, who was given up for adoption, lives in Maryland where they find that she’s already on her way to El Paso to cover for her ailing father at a scientific conference. Being just as stupid as Harry and Lloyd she forgets her phone and a MacGuffin-like package she was meant to take with her. Lloyd and Harry agree to deliver it for them and take Travis, the groundskeeper (and lover of Fanny’s mother), along. Are there hijinks on the way? You better believe it. Travis, who is in cahoots with Fanny’s mother to kill her father and take his fortune, ultimately is killed by Harry and Lloyd by mistake. They end up arriving in El Paso unscathed and a bunch of incidents happen whereby Harry is mistaken for Fanny’s father and makes everyone at the conference look silly. Lloyd has fallen in love with Fanny but ends up coming to believe he is actually her father. Travis’ brother and Fanny’s mother arrive ready to kill all of them for the money. But in the end it turns out the dad was onto them the whole time and all the bad guys are captured. Lloyd apologizes to Harry for fathering Fanny, but Harry reveals the kidney thing was also a prank. Fraida then reveals that neither are the father but instead it was a friend of theirs that we never met… so… I guess that’s it. THE END.

This recap is a perfect encapsulation of the film. It starts out with some funny little scenes and a simple set up but eventually gets bogged down with too much plot. I also found Lloyd to be nearly insufferable in this film. He’s not just mean, but quite racist and misogynistic. Ultimately I know that this is part of them being super stupid (and thus on some level a commentary on that type of thinking), but they are still ostensibly the heroes of our story. By the end, as this type of humor piled up, it felt more like Me, Myself and Irene… kind of crossed into a level of crassness that I didn’t so much like. I wonder in cases like this whether there is some provocation being tried in the humor to test whether there is going to be an outcry. Almost like the Farrelly brothers wanted people to object so they could be like “see, you can’t make them like you used to.” But I watched the original Dumb and Dumber in preparation and it’s nothing like this… not nearly as mean-spirited. So I’m not sure why it is that the humor feels so much different. Ultimately, it had its moments, but left a bad taste in my mouth.

Hot Take Clam Bake! They die at the end. The bad guys show up with a gun and shoot them and what we see as the end of the film is the last moments before they die where Lloyd imagines Harry’s kidney disease is a prank and that the girl isn’t his daughter so she doesn’t have to witness his death. He imagines everything has worked out wonderfully for them and they walk off into the sunset. But think about it… they are quite stupid. Makes a whole lot more sense that they die. Hot Take Temperature: Atomic Pepper.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about making a sequel decades after the original but forgetting to make the main characters somewhat likable? Let’s go!

There is a fundamentally strange bit about this movie that involves the big twist. It goes a little like this: Harry got a postcard (he thinks) concerning a girl who he had sex with long ago who had a daughter. We are then introduced to this young woman who is, howyousay, quite dumb? Later there is some indication that nay! It isn’t Harry’s daughter, but it is instead Lloyd’s daughter! Oh, what a twist! But then in a final twist it is revealed that neither are the father, instead it was a guy they used to know who died in a motorcycle accident (for which Lloyd is partially to blame and has no empathy or regrets about).

So … was that guy also dumb? I guess he must have been. But still that seems strange to me. That the three people who could have been the father were all incredibly dumb people?

Anyways, much like the much maligned prequel there isn’t much funny here. There are some of the same charms. Them rubbing their butts and then eating stuff without realizing the stuff they are eating now smells and tastes like butt? Sure. Rolling down the street to meet Harry’s parents who are obviously his adoptive parents and it being suggested he just hasn’t been home in decades for no reason? Got it. The ultimate reveal that Harry’s whole kidney issue was a goof similar to the beginning of the film. Kind of works.

What I’m trying to say here is it does trump the prequel by actually having a few funny bits here and there. The prequel had nothing.

But as I said up top the issue is Lloyd in particular is super mean spirited. Something about it rubs one the wrong way thirty years later. Something about their age I feel like should have softened them a bit. But then we are talking about a different movie I suppose.

The B-plot also sucks in this one and is kind of oddly similar to the original for no reason. A big crime conspiracy to get rich being foiled by the two buffoons. Actually all three movies for some reason seem to hinge around these guys foiling crimes for some reason. I wonder why that is.

A good Product Placement (What?) for a giant inexplicable Coca Cola sign at one point. Again, a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island with a fun road trip element like in the original. A decent MacGuffin (Why?) which turns into a rare Fake MacGuffin by the end. And I’ve already mentioned the Worst Twist (How?) which is a not-as-rare Double Twist by the end as to the parentage of the dumb young lady. I think this is a Bad movie, it isn’t bad enough to be BMT but isn’t good enough to be Good.

Read about my sequel  to my betrayal in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Recap

Jamie

When Harry me Lloyd? Don’t you mean “When Jamie and Patrick Met Bad Movies”? Now Patrick is going to spin you a yarn later about us watching this movie in theaters because we were making the big bucks at our summer jobs and no longer understood the value of time and money. Time and money were for suckers and suckers didn’t watch Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. This is a nice tale. Unfortunately it’s WRONG. Hulk and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd were indeed two theatrical films we watched in 2003, but not because we were making the big bucks. Check out the dates when those films came out: June 13th and June 17th. We were making the big bucks while school was in session? I think not. As my memory serves (correctly), these were the two movies we used our free passes to the local cinema purchased from our high school tennis team fundraiser. So yeah we weren’t considering time and money because it was free and we had the whole beautiful summer in front of us. 

To recap, Lloyd, the oft-held back son of the school janitor, and Harry, the long home schooled new kid, are on a crash course… literally. Not only do we get the origin story of when Harry met Lloyd on that first day of school, but also the origin story for Lloyd’s chipped tooth. Awesome. Anyway, our two heroes are immediately wrapped up in a scheme by the criminal school principal and his lover, the lunch lady, who aim to start a special ed class to embezzle money from. Harry and Lloyd are tasked with getting the class filled and, due to the odd mixture of students they snag, plucky girl reporter Jessica starts on the scent. What else happens? Uh… some racist caricaturing. There is a treasure hunt Harry’s mom made up that they are trying to find. They go to a museum. Harry mistakenly smears chocolate all over a bathroom and Bob Sagat thinks his bathroom is covered in poop. Just a bunch of classy gags for a very classy film. Ultimately both the reporter and the class discover the plot after Lloyd snags the treasure chest full of evidence the principal keeps (thinking it’s Harry’s treasure by mistake). They decide to entrap the principal at the big TGivs parade and the reporter and everyone hails them as heroes. Ultimately, though, they don’t get the girl and instead Bob Sagat thinks they smeared a bunch of poop on his car or whatever. THE END.

Hmmmm, let’s start with a compliment. I thought the actor who portrayed Lloyd was very good. No wonder he went on to star in NCIS: Los Angeles. Not much to say outside of that. I recall liking the Bob Sagat bits when I saw this in the theater, but I think I kind of forgot the set up with the chocolate bar and stuff. All of it is quite dumb and mildly offensive. It also has that 80’s/90’s kids movie trope where the principal has to have some kind of complicated plot he’s hatching that our heroes have to foil. Why? I guess because there’s nothing else for a couple of dumb people to do. I think I would have preferred for them to go full straight-to-video 90’s and have the school taken over by terrorists or something. Anyway, there is very little to recommend in this film. The acting is tragic besides Lloyd and a totally out of place and underutilized Shia LaBeouf. The real tragedy is that this went to theaters so you can’t ignore its existence like we all do with Ace Ventura Jr.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This film does not actually take place in 1986 but rather 1992 and thus I believe that these are in fact imposters and not the Harry and Lloyd we met in Dumb and Dumber. Exhibit A is the excessive use of Vanilla Ice’s Ice Ice Baby, a song released in 1990. Now you are probably like “it’s just a song, dummy, meant to evoke the attitude of Lloyd dancing to something else.” Oh yeah, well how about Exhibit B? At one point in the film Lloyd uses the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” This phrase is attributed to Ice Cube from his 1992 album Predator. I just seriously doubt that 6 years earlier the dumbest man on the planet beat Ice Cube to the punch. Next you’ll be saying he’s a time traveler… wait a sec… HOLY SHIT! Hot Take Temperature: Vanilla Ice Cube.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about the one where you make a totally disconnected prequel but you still just play back all the best jokes from the original? Let’s go!

We ended up watching this as a bonus since it came out too early for the cycle. Time to finish the Dumb and Dumber franchise once and for all (well, until we decide to change over to the Bad Cartoon Twins I guess, there was a cartoon right?).

And fun fact, 2003. This would have been when we were making the big bucks during the summer and realizing “wait … we can just watch any movie that comes to theaters?” And we did. This and The Hulk are the two I distinctly remember from the summer of 2003. Nothing else really sticks out except I don’t think I watched X2 because I distinctly remember watching that twice on some plane ride. Given the year, I think it was likely the flight I took to London a year later?

Wait one goddamned second, Grind was 2003. Impressive, our friends who made us watch that a thousand times were on the cutting edge getting that on VHS.

Oh, this movie … but I was having so much fun reminiscing about the random movies I watched in and around 2003.

This movie is dumb and disgusting. I don’t actually really get though why the story is that Harry was cast first and they were dead set on him, and then he had to convince them to cast the guy who played Lloyd … I thought the guy playing Lloyd ultimately was way better and looked much more like the original character. Whatever.

No jokes are funny, the love interest story is dumb, and the underlying A story of a conspiracy to bilk some fund of money for special education is a waste of time.

In a way it is a perfect movie to explain why 2000-2008 was just the absolute best for bad movies. They decided to make this without input of the original creators or any of the actors at all. They made it and it got released to theaters in this form. It made $26 million. Lunacy.

Obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island which is where all Dumb and Dumber movies begin. Secret Holiday Film Alert (When?) for TGivs as there is a parade surrounding this at the end. And I’ll throw out a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that everything that happened in the movie was kind of pointless since they were already running a sting operation on the principal so he was going to be caught regardless. This movie is a BMT movie, it perfectly represents everything that is wrong with early-2000s comedies and movie making.

Read about the prequel to my own betrayal in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumber To Quiz

Oh man, years later after pretending to have a broken brain I … well, I have a broken brain. It is a bit like a massive concussion. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Dumb and Dumber To?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Harry is quite ill. What is wrong with him, and where does he go initially to solve his problem?

2) And we are off on a roadtrip again! Where does his daughter live?

3) What dastardly plan do Harry and Lloyd stumble into when they meet Penny’s adoptive father?

4) There is a mission to get a very very secret MacGuffin to a conference to save humanity! What is actually in the box?

5) The finale of the film takes place at the big conference where Penny is giving a speech. Where is the conference and what big ol twist do they reveal?

Bonus Question: Previously on the quiz: we learned how Patrick met Kevin and ended with the ominous foreshadowing of Kevin declaring he’d never betray me again! So … did he?

Answers