Comedy – Page 4 – Bad Movie Twins

High School High Preview

September 1st, 1998

Jamie and Patrick are looking dope. Collars? Popped. Jean short? Tight. Coca-cola? Ice cold. It’s nearing the end of middle school and they are grabbing onto one last taste of childhood. Their dad had one word of advice for them on the eve of this momentous year: “Try to watch less bad things, perhaps.” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of the beach and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, obviously) they ventured forth and found themselves feeling the sand between their toes and the rays hitting their chest. As a couple of sweet babes walk by they lower their shades and do a patented Twin Double Take, a.k.a. The Quadruple Take. Suddenly they feel a hand on their shoulder. “You guys checking out our babes?” A couple of beefy high school bros asks them. His tone suggests they shouldn’t answer truthfully. They explain that they were simply checking out their swimsuits since they believe they would look great on their girlfriends. They assure them that they will buy said swimsuits for the next time they are in the Niagara Falls area, but this doesn’t fool the beefy bros and Jamie and Patrick find themselves upside down in a trash can. “We can’t abide this!” Jamie says, slamming his tiny fists with a metal clang. The beefy bros’ mistake was insulting their very real girlfriends who happen to live in Niagara Falls. “Time to get even and schoolz these foolz,” Jamie says, pulling out a very cool phrase he coined. With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory in order to recall the last time they had to pound some high school fiends. That’s right! We are back in the saddle of the Daddio cycle for High School High. It’s a Dangerous Minds style parody film starring Jon Lovitz that aired on TV on September 1st, 1999. I recall seeing it as a kid, but don’t remember much about it. It aired the same day as the Michael Dudikoff film Soldier Boyz. It’s a film that I honestly can’t believe is real. Let’s go!

High School High (1996) – BMeTric: 40.1; Notability: 48

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 12.0%; Notability: top 7.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Striptease, Bio-Dome, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Spy Hard, Mr. Wrong, Poison Ivy II, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Solo, The Glimmer Man, First Kid, Eddie, Chain Reaction, Dunston Checks In, Maximum Risk, and 10 more; Higher Notability: The Fan, Jingle All the Way, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Daylight, Up Close & Personal, Mulholland Falls, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, Eye for an Eye, Sgt. Bilko, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, Space Truckers, Larger Than Life, Girl 6; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Ripe, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Faithful, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Celtic Pride, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, The Crow: City of Angels, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, and 26 more; Notes: Played 38 times, premiering on December 5th, primetime on Showtime. Some oddities: Spy Hard played 0 times on television despite coming out in 1996, that seems odd, but I’m 99% this is true. Daylight also played once, but that makes more sense since they were holding big films for rental by that point.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – High School High” opens with a big laugh (“Produced by the producer formerly known as David Zucker”) and goes downhill. Zucker, associated with the “Naked Gun” movies, wants to do the same thing here for the urban high school genre, but the movie makes two mistakes: (1) It isn’t very funny, and (2) it makes the crucial error of taking its story seriously and angling for a happy ending.

(Oh … was that the big laugh? The first third of the film is decent. Not funny, but pretty amusing at times, and Lovtiz I think is a surprisingly good leading comedy actor. The second part makes sense though, I do mostly remember it getting pretty earnest in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4ZUi1mEbG0/

(Ha the Dangerous Minds start is great. I remember this trailer so well. It feels like it should be funny. But it also feels like it is going to be super duper racist.)

Directors – Hart Bochner – ( Known For: PCU; Just Add Water; BMT: High School High; Notes: He appears to have become an actor almost exclusively after this, including ten episodes of The Starter Wife. He was Ellis in Die Hard, who I think was the coke guy, which is hilarious.)

Writers – David Zucker – ( Known For: Airplane!; The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; Top Secret!; Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult; The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear; BASEketball; The Kentucky Fried Movie; Future BMT: An American Carol; BMT: Scary Movie V; High School High; Notes: He’s tried a few spoof films more recently and they don’t really work (I’m looking at you American Carol). It seems like his career got sidelined a bit when he started to explicitly work on Republican ads.)

Robert LoCash – ( Known For: Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult; BASEketball; CB4; Bad Girls from Valley High; BMT: High School High; Notes: He wrote a bunch of the Zucker spoofs. He also wrote the iOS game The Naked Gun: I.C.U.P. which is maybe intriguing, although I assume it is basically lost to time at this point.)

Pat Proft – ( Known For: Real Genius; The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; Hot Shots!; Bachelor Party; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult; The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Police Academy: Mission to Moscow; Moving Violations; Brain Donors; Lucky Stiff; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; Wrongfully Accused; Mr. Magoo; BMT: Police Academy; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Scary Movie V; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Police Academy 6: City Under Siege; High School High; Notes: The rumor was Zucker and him were going to make a new Naked Gun, although I wonder if that was right around when Scary Movie V was released and the fact that that was a huge catastrophe basically stopped that from happening.)

Actors – Jon Lovitz – ( Known For: Matilda; A League of Their Own; Big; The Wedding Singer; Happiness; Three Amigos!; Hotel Transylvania; Rat Race; Hotel Transylvania 2; The Producers; Southland Tales; Cats & Dogs; The Brave Little Toaster; I Could Never Be Your Woman; Sandy Wexler; An American Tail: Fievel Goes West; Extinct; Small Time Crooks; Hamburger: The Motion Picture; Casino Jack; Future BMT: Coneheads; The Stepford Wives; Loaded Weapon 1; My Stepmother Is an Alien; Jumpin’ Jack Flash; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Mr. Destiny; Eight Crazy Nights; Mom and Dad Save the World; Trapped in Paradise; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; BMT: Grown Ups 2; Little Nicky; The Ridiculous 6; Mother’s Day; The Benchwarmers; North; 3000 Miles to Graceland; High School High; Lost & Found; Notes: Obviously well known for his years on SNL, and also for voicing The Critic. What I know of him now he basically has his comedy club in L.A. and does stuff there. Nominated for two Emmys as part of SNL.)

Tia Carrere – ( Known For: True Lies; Lilo & Stitch; Wayne’s World; Wayne’s World 2; Showdown in Little Tokyo; Easter Sunday; You May Not Kiss the Bride; Wild Cherry; My Teacher’s Wife; Hard Breakers; Zombie Nightmare; Showdown in Manila; The Immortals; Gutshot Straight; Merlin: The Return; Aloha Summer; Top of the World; Hollow Point; Back in the Day; The Legend of Hallowaiian; Future BMT: Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man; Jury Duty; Kull the Conqueror; BMT: Rising Sun; High School High; Notes: Mostly a television actress now. She was discovered in a grocery store in Hawaii. Sang on the soundtrack of Wayne’s World.)

Louise Fletcher – ( Known For: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; Cruel Intentions; Exorcist II: The Heretic; The Player; Two Moon Junction; 2 Days in the Valley; Blue Steel; Brainstorm; Grizzly II: Revenge; The Cheap Detective; Thieves Like Us; The Lady in Red; Strange Invaders; A Map of the World; Return to Two Moon Junction; Big Eden; Strange Behavior; A Gathering of Eagles; Cassadaga; The Last Sin Eater; Future BMT: Flowers in the Attic; Mulholland Falls; Invaders from Mars; Best of the Best; Gone Fishin’; BMT: Virtuosity; Firestarter; On Deadly Ground; High School High; Notes: Won the Oscar for One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She died in 2022. I’ll let you get into her personal life “controversies” if you want, they seem mild by today’s standards.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $21,302,121 (Worldwide: $21,302,121)

(That isn’t bad, but probably wasn’t actually considered good at the time for an SNL alum. Sandler was already hitting decent numbers at this point. Still, most than I would have expected.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (3/16)

(Oh good a consensus: A one-joke movie, and that joke isn’t very funny anyways. That about sums it up.)

NY Times Short Review: Senseless plot, blunderbuss comedy.

Poster – High School Sigh

(Oooooohhhhhh boy. I gotta give that an F out of principle. My word.)

Tagline(s) – There’s a new teacha in the hood! (F)

(Nope. No. Not a chance.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), Platoon (1986), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994), O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Future BMT: 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 61.2 Pet Sematary II (1992), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.0 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 49.2 My Girl 2 (1994), 47.7 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.5 Man of the House (1995), 43.6 The Final Conflict (1981), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.5 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Iron Eagle (1986), 38.2 My Father the Hero (1994), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.8 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.7 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.7 Leviathan (1989)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Cyborg (1989), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Hard to Kill (1990), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), Hackers (1995), Lock Up (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

Best Options (Comedy): 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.0 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 49.2 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.5 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.5 Speed Zone (1989), 40.0 High School High (1996), 38.2 My Father the Hero (1994), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 35.8 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.7 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Man’s Best Friend (1993), 34.2 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993), 33.3 Drop Dead Fred (1991), 33.3 Mom and Dad Save the World (1992), 33.2 The Jerky Boys (1995), 32.2 It Takes Two (1995), 31.9 High Spirits (1988), 31.2 Arthur and the Invisibles (2006), 30.9 Another You (1991), 30.3 Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989), 29.7 Spaced Invaders (1990), 28.7 About My Father (2023), 28.0 Fools Rush In (1997), 26.1 Airheads (1994), 26.1 Baby’s Day Out (1994), 26.0 Feds (1988), 24.6 A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994), 24.4 A Fine Mess (1986), 24.4 Sibling Rivalry (1990), 23.1 Clean Slate (1994), 22.6 Moonlight and Valentino (1995), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.1 Folks! (1992), 18.9 Threesome (1994), 18.8 Moving (1988), 17.8 Brewster’s Millions (1985), 17.3 Hexed (1993), 16.7 Mr. Destiny (1990), 16.0 Opportunity Knocks (1990), 11.6 With Honors (1994), 8.0 Let It Ride (1989)

(Oh … Jury Duty. But no, fine we don’t need to do that won … but like Jury Duty though? Why didn’t we do Jury Duty again? I do love the plot. The 00s films are all “Dad” or “Father” films basically. Just kind of funny in that it is two different plots smushed together.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tia Carrere is No. 2 billed in High School High and No. 3 billed in Rising Sun, which also stars Wesley Snipes (No. 2 billed) who is in Demolition Man (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Trapped in Paradise we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The film is dedicated to Elisabeth Leustig and Lexie Bigham, both of whom were involved in the movie’s production and died in automobile crashes shortly after filming was completed. Bigham acted in the film, and Leustig was the film’s casting director.

Mekhi Phifer and Malinda Williams, who play love interests in this film, would later marry and have a son together. They divorced in 2003.

The car race (aka “Chicky Run”) between Griff (Mekhi Phifer) and Paco (Guillermo Diaz), where both drivers race to the edge of a cliff, with the first person jumping out of the car is considered the “chicken”, is similar to the race in the legendary film, Rebel Without a Cause (1955). Ironically, actress Natalie Wood who played Judy, the Chicky Run starter in the latter film, is the mother of actress Natasha Gregson Wagner, who played Julie Rubels, the pregnant teenage in Mr. Clark’s classroom, in this movie.

The film is dedicated to Elisabeth Leustig and Lexie Bigham.

Trey Parker turned down the chance to direct this movie even when he was a Hollywood unknown

Canadian Bacon Recap

Jamie

Canadian Bacon was a real staple of cable. It’s hard to even figure how many times I saw the movie… I’m sure it felt like a lot more than it actually was. That’s why I was so shocked when Patrick (to our dismay) revealed that it didn’t qualify for BMT. It never really got a substantial US release. It seems impossible. But it’s the truth. What is also the truth is that understanding what “qualified” means for 80’s and early 90’s films can be a fraught endeavor. Sometimes you have to stand back and look at a film and think “is this BMT?” Was Two Much not a BMT film? Was Swept Away, the worst film ever made, not BMT? We have previously answered in the negative to this, but I think we probably erred slightly. Those certainly don’t seem like “friends,” and neither does Canadian Bacon. Directed by Michael Moore, starring John Candy, and made for $11 million dollars. It played gangbusters on cable for a reason. That reason is that it’s probably BMT, so we’ll let this one slide… this time.

To recap, after being laid off from a recently closed weapons factory, Bud B. Boomer has used his family connections to become Sheriff of Niagara Falls. While he spends his time fishing the suicidal former factory workers from the falls with the help of his girlfriend(?) Honey, the President of the United States is trying to figure out how to get reelected. Turns out having extended peacetime has been no good for the military industrial complex and that’s no good for him. They need a war, and fast! When they catch Boomer and his friends brawling at a cross-border hockey game they get the bright idea to set up a false flag “Canadian” operation targeting the Niagara power plant. Boomer and his friends are incensed and plan a counter operation to drop garbage across the border. Unfortunately, Honey is caught. The President isn’t sweating it (in fact he’s loving it), that is until Boomer heads into Canada to rescue Honey and leaves a trail of petty crimes in his wake. They send special forces in to stop Boomer, but are surprised when it appears that Canada has taken control of US nukes and aimed them at Moscow. In reality the owner of the recently closed weapons factory is tired of this fake war and wants a real war. He has hacked into the weapons system and made it look like Canada is creating the war. Everyone is panicking. Even more so when the weapons maker is killed and the only other person in on the ruse is arrested. Meanwhile, Boomer and Honey come together at the CN Tower where the weapon is being housed. Honey sees that the machines are made by the company that laid them off and in a fit of rage destroys them just before all the nukes are launched. They save the day and the world. THE END.

Canadian Bacon is a more ramshackle production than I remember. Definitely feels like a film made by a documentarian. That being said, John Candy is very good in it (as are some of the actors doing cameos) and there are some very funny scenes in the first ⅔ of the film. It’s incredibly prescient, as well, which speaks to Moore’s understanding of the political environment of the time. You almost would think he made the film in the early 2000’s given some of the subject matter. Ultimately, they couldn’t quite land the plane, though. They seemed to really want a Dr. Strangelove moment at the end, but it doesn’t work. Feels like an 80’s comedy by the time it finishes. I can see why I liked it as a kid, though… similar to Strange Brew. Not everything hits, but when it does it’s very funny.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Of all the things mentioned in the epilogue the one I buy the least is Oliver North becoming President in the next election… particularly in the alleged landslide indicated. Ollie North? Landslide? I don’t think so. He was super controversial at the time. He lost a close Senate election in 1994 almost entirely because an Independent candidate tried to jump in to play to the center of him. Now if you told me he got a surprise nomination and ultimately squeaked out a victory against a weak incumbent… sure. But a landslide? The Iran-Contra guy? I don’t buy it. I’d buy Boomer’s friend becoming an NHL legend before I bought that. Hot Take Temperature: Hellfire.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! What are we talking about? Are we talking about John Candy invading Canada and Michael Moore almost torpedoing his documentary career? Let’s go!

Ah Canadian Bacon. We are really on a role with films we’ve seen before. And in a way I’m reminding myself of all the things we’ve been missing from the classic BMTs of yesteryear.

Remember like … Dutch angles? There was a whole thing with that in the first year of BMT. We couldn’t watch a thriller without seeing loads of Dutch angles! It was a wild time.

There is just something charming about the three prior movies. TMNT II and III are really a nonsensical smorgasbord of films designed solely to sell toys to me and Jamie. Eddie is an odd type of comedy fashioned out of how a few people thought basketball worked (possibly without having watched basketball in their lives). And The Animal was that early 2000s borderline gross-out comedy where getting the 6th place person on a reality show was considered a boon. All of them are truly and profoundly bizarre historical relics.

Canadian Bacon is that film you watched on television where you’d never have ever considered seeing it, but then it is just on all the time for free. It isn’t really funny, but it has a bunch of funny people in it, and you eventually go “oh Kevin Pollack! From Willow” and maybe you’d remember he was also in Canadian Bacon.

But really you’d never remember he was in Canadian Bacon. The film is very charming. It is really just very very poorly made. Everything you think of when you think of how a movie is stitched together (like B-roll footage, and a narrative structure) is totally missing and replaced by something a college student could put together. Meanwhile John Candy is still killing it, and the story has a mostly interesting satire underlying it.

This was, somehow, the follow-up to Roger & Me and legitimately seemed to almost destroy Michael Moore’s career. Also it didn’t actually qualify, but who cares, it is a wide release in our hearts.

What else … Rhea Perlman is over the top, but fun. And honestly Alan Alda is hilarious as the nincompoop president. Really the acting is top notch, the comedy hits on occasion, but it is all let down by everything being encased within a non-film.

I do think Roy Boy is a Planchet (Who?), his character’s function is just to screw up and get dunked on. Obviously must give a Product Placement (What?) shoutout to Molson and all the other awesomely Canadian things, like Ontario, the sportsman’s paradise. Let’s get that A+ Setting (Where?) for Canada, but in reality, this is a fantastic Niagara Falls film. And this I think is closest to BMT, it is a very very weird film and somehow manages to escape its non-qualification to become a big film.

Read about my Canadian Bacon sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Canadian Bacon Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I got all jazzed up about going to war against Canada. But then when I got there and starting littering this Mounties came over and were all like “Soooooory”. Needless to say I now have a concussion and can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Canadian Bacon?

Questions

1) In the beginning of the film our … uh heroes, are hoping to fish suicides out of the Falls in Niagara Falls, NY. How much do they get for a body and how much for saving someone?

2) Meanwhile, the President is in real trouble. His poll numbers are dropping and he doesn’t know what to do. Why are his poll numbers dropping?

3) What is the initial plan to turn the American people against Canada? How is it foiled?

4) Honey is caught littering just over the border and is taken to Ottawa. Why does Honey go to Toronto after escaping?

5) What does the Hacker Hellstorm do? What did the Canadians think it did? How is it disabled?

Bonus Question: In a surprise announcement a sequel starring Kevin Pollack as the new President of the United States was announced recently. What was his main platform issue he ran on?

Answers

Canadian Bacon Preview

And it’s a fight they wouldn’t have. Together they stand up and reach out their collective hand. “Good show. Very funny,” Jamie and Patrick say through gritted teeth. Kevin James’ features melt and suddenly he’s smiling. They continue on with some banal small talk until KJ (as they have come to call him) bids them goodbye. Before he leaves the Kansas honkytonk he turns to his crowd of admirers and tells them, “the Move Twins are OK in my book.” Soon everyone is patting them on the back and telling them how much they admire the Rich and Poe films, books, comic books, songs, children’s cartoon series, toy lines, clothing, low cal beverages, high cal beverages, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, other hats, Japanese baseball team, and (now defunct) airline. A slow clap is heard from the back of the bar. Drake and Charlie come out from the shadows. Their faces are aglow after secretly witnessing how adeptly Jamie and Patrick were able to circumnavigate Step 1 in the Dudikoff Method for Recovery: Acceptance. “You accepted responsibility for all the terrible things you said about Kevin James in your past addiction,” they explain, “and then congratulated him on dishing it out HARD.” They then go into great detail about all the hilarious ways KJ made them look like total buffoons. “It’s always the most funny when there’s a kernel of truth to the joke,” Drake finishes, which seems a bit unnecessary. But Jamie and Patrick are just glad to be past Step 1. “So what’s next?” they ask. Drake and Charlie become very serious. “Having Kevin James totally own you is a great step. But Kevin James isn’t the only one you hurt,” Drake says solemnly. “What do you guys think of Canada?” Charlie asks, with a glimmer in his eye. That’s right! We are watching Canadian Bacon. Eagle brained readers might be like “But does Canadian Bacon qualify by your unnecessarily strict rules?” and I would say “shut your mouth (but also no (but also, come on it’s Canadian Bacon)).” Rulez are Coolz, of course, but sometimes you gotta throw caution to the wind and risk it for the most Canadian film of all time for our Canada cycle, eh? Let’s go!

Canadian Bacon (1995) – BMeTric: 30.6; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.2%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, and 18 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Four Rooms, Money Train, Assassins, Steal Big Steal Little, Panther, Jefferson in Paris, Hackers, Jade, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Lower RT: The Big Green, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, Delta of Venus, Top Dog, Born to Be Wild, The Walking Dead, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game; Notes: Played 68 times on television, on Showtime (37 times), TMC (23 times), and USA (8 times). Played 7 times around primetime, although only once at 8PM, on September 20, 1996, which naturally was its television debut, where it went up against Bushwacked starring Daniel Stern on Cinemax. And yeah, it’s release date was September 22, 1995, so it debuted on television almost precisely one year after. That is an insane Notability for a film barely released to theaters, but it does have an insane number of cameos.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – In order to gain a strong platform for re-election, the president of the United States does the unthinkable and declares war on our neighbor to the north, Canada. Moore stumbles with his second film after the terrific Roger & Me. A top cast is wasted in this one-joke premise which lacks the satiric edge it needs.

(Yup, that sounds about right. But still … 2.5 for that review seems generous no? That feels like a 1.5 or even 2 star review somehow. Strange.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI5SEOdN7Fc/

(I watched this film so many times when I was a kid. The trailer does a good job at hiding some of the best jokes. It is weird. It is a pretty funny film. It just flags a bit in the third act. Kind of crazy that it basically didn’t get released to theaters.)

Directors – Michael Moore – ( BMT: Canadian Bacon; Notes: Well you know Michael Moore. This is an odd duck. He was apparently inspired by George H. W. Bush’s poll numbers during the Persian Gulf War. It was shot in ‘93 but only got a very limited release (by Madonna’s company) in 1995.)

Writers – Michael Moore – ( BMT: Canadian Bacon; Notes: His only writing credit on a narrative film naturally. He does have a bunch of writing credits for his documentaries. He won an Oscar for Bowling for Columbine.)

Actors – John Candy – ( Known For: National Lampoon’s Vacation; Uncle Buck; JFK; Home Alone; The Blues Brothers; Spaceballs; Little Shop of Horrors; Splash; Stripes; The Great Outdoors; 1941; Cool Runnings; Planes, Trains & Automobiles; Heavy Metal; The Rescuers Down Under; Volunteers; She’s Having a Baby; Follow That Bird; Only the Lonely; The Silent Partner; Future BMT: Rookie of the Year; Career Opportunities; Summer Rental; Armed and Dangerous; Brewster’s Millions; Who’s Harry Crumb?; Once Upon a Crime…; Speed Zone; Delirious; BMT: Nothing But Trouble; Canadian Bacon; Wagons East; Hot to Trot; Notes: This was his last film. Not the last he filmed (that was Wagons East), but it was the last released since it took so long to come to theaters. Nominated for 9 Emmys for SCTV where he won twice.)

Alan Alda – ( Known For: Bridge of Spies; The Aviator; Marriage Story; What Women Want; Wanderlust; Everyone Says I Love You; Tower Heist; The Object of My Affection; Crimes and Misdemeanors; Nothing But the Truth; Same Time, Next Year; Manhattan Murder Mystery; Flirting with Disaster; The Four Seasons; The Mephisto Waltz; California Suite; Flash of Genius; Betsy’s Wedding; Sweet Liberty; Resurrecting the Champ; Future BMT: The Longest Ride; Murder at 1600; Mad City; Whispers in the Dark; A New Life; BMT: Canadian Bacon; Notes: You would obviously know him from M*A*S*H. Nominated for an Oscar for The Aviator, and nominated for 29 Emmys … he won 6 times, mostly for M*A*S*H, but also for The West Wing)

Rhea Perlman – ( Known For: Barbie; Matilda; Sing; You People; The Sessions; 13: The Musical; 10 Items or Less; Lemon; I’ll See You in My Dreams; My Little Pony: The Movie; Movie Madness; The Trouble with Bliss; Marvelous and the Black Hole; Ted & Venus; Funny Face; There Goes the Neighborhood; Swap Meet; Love Child; Enid Is Sleeping; Love Comes Lately; Future BMT: We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story; Class Act; Carpool; Poms; Sunset Park; BMT: Canadian Bacon; Notes: And you’d obviously know her from Cheers. She was nominated 10 times for her role in that (including 8 times in a row from 1983 to 1991) and won 4 times.)

Budget/Gross – $11,000,000 / Domestic: $163,971 (Worldwide: $163,971)

(Yeah so … you might ask yourself how this film qualifies for BMT. It is best not to think about it. It was released to less than 100 theaters and was in theaters for like a week.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (2/17)

(The reviews mostly are in the vein of: Moore mis-uses the cast for a shallow mis-fire of a political satire. I mostly just agree that it is a waste of a cast, but the film is more fun that you would think, especially in the first 45 minutes.)

NYT Short Review – Tickles the funny bone, but loses its way.

Poster – Sklogmerican Ham

(Crazy that this was actually the poster. Pretty great. A.)

Tagline(s) – Help America fight the Canadians (I… for I Don’t Know if This is a Tagline)

(I don’t know if I’d call this the tagline… the poster is spoofing propaganda posters, so it has to have words on it. But words a tagline does not make… that’s something I learned long ago.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.1 Prom Night (2008), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Year One (2009), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Silent Hill: Revelation (2012), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Ghosts of Mars (2001), Fantasy Island (2020), Tammy (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Superman III (1983), … (and many more)

Best Options (Comedy): 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.0 The Flintstones (1994), 66.2 In the Mix (2005), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 An American Carol (2008), 64.5 The Comebacks (2007), 62.1 Cursed (2005), 61.5 Scooby-Doo (2002), 61.3 Deck the Halls (2006), 60.2 Holy Man (1998), 59.9 Jury Duty (1995), 59.7 Hoodwinked 2: Hood vs. Evil (2011), 59.6 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.4 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 55.2 The Stupids (1996), 54.7 Snow Dogs (2002), 54.6 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 54.4 The Wild (2006), 53.9 Annie (2014), 53.9 Spy Hard (1996), 53.3 Made in America (1993), 53.2 Aloha (2015), … (and many more)

(There were a lot of options, but we really really really wasn’t to get a John Candy in here, and this seemed like a fun option.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Candy is No. 1 billed in Canadian Bacon and No. 2 billed in Hot to Trot, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 4 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (4 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 17. If we were to watch Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Final theatrical feature film of actor, comedian, and movie star John Candy, although filming had wrapped on this film before Wagons East (1994), which was released a year earlier.

John Candy, who was born and raised in Canada, plays Sheriff Bud Boomer, who is not only American, but is rabidly anti-Canada.

Alan Alda’s character is never given a name, and is both referred to and credited only as the President of the United States.

The final note in the credits, “To Johnny LaRue – thanks to you, we got our crane shot”, is a reference to one of John Candy’s recurring characters on SCTV Channel (1983) .

Michael Moore was turned down by 47 different film companies before Madonna’s Maverick Productions picked up the option.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Recap

Jamie

There are so many BMT films that we watched as kids that we never picked up because we sat there thinking, “But we watched that so many times before, that’ll skew our perception.” Darn tootin’! That’s kind of the point. Do we see what made these beloved films BMT qualifiers? Or do we vehemently disagree with their unjust BMT characterization? When Ace Ventura; When Nature Calls came out I think it might have been the funniest movie of all time… check that Billy Madison was the funniest movie of all time, but this was in the upper echelon of funny films. My favorite part? The rhino, duh. Nothing says “a nine-year-old will find this hilarious” more than a completely naked grown man squeezing himself out of the butt of a rhino. Now that I’m a completely naked grown man myself, I’m most anticipating the Monopoly Guy scene. One of the craziest things is the guy who played the Monopoly Guy in this film also played a skinny guy in the film Buddy. So that’s two films he’s in where a gorilla has sex with a human… or am I misremembering the film Buddy?

To recap, Ace Ventura is back, Jack! But this time he’s sad. He lost a raccoon and now has devoted his life to meditation in Tibet. When a representative from the nation of Nibia shows up asking for Ace’s help, the monks at the monastery are thrilled to get rid of him. His task is simple: get back the sacred Great White Bat that has been put up as the dowry for an important wedding between the hostile Wachootoo tribe and the peaceful Wachati tribe. Without it there will be war. Ace is grossed out by the bat, but agrees anyway. In Nibia he is informed of several unsavory suspects by the consul Cadby. He follows numerous leads, but nothing comes of them (other than getting pooped out of a mechanical rhino). When he gets tranquilized it appears to point to the Wachootoo tribe itself, but when he goes to investigate he is put through a series of trials which ultimately proves the innocence of the Wachootoo and instead points to a couple of poachers. This ends up leading to the discovery that the Cadby himself has arranged for war in pursuit of control of the guano trade in the region. Ace confronts Cadby and is able to recover the bat, leaving the consul in the loving grips of a randy gorilla. Ace saves the day, but ultimately earns the ire of the Wachootoo for having (unbeknownst to the viewer) deflowered the bride. THE END.

I still think this film is pretty gosh darn funny. Rewatching the first film along with this, though, does put into perspective just how recently comedy was not just playing with fire, but literally on fire with homophobia, transphobia, and racism. The Ace Ventura films unfortunately have plots that center directly on these stereotypes, so it’s hard to get around. It is something you would have to grapple right off the bat on rewatch. But speaking outside of those terms, I’ve always considered the second film much funnier than the first. It was written with Carrey’s Ace character fully realized. This is certainly true. Way, way funnier. Ace is a cartoon character in a real world in the first film. In the second it’s Ace’s world and we’re living in it. Unfortunately, this also means that almost nothing makes sense. The plot is ludicrously bad, just bopping from joke to joke and eventually “resolving” with a whimper. This doesn’t make it less funny, it just means the second is just not as good of a film as the first… you know, if you were looking for that kind of thing in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Ace Ventura was obviously killed at the end of this film. Just listen to the plot of Ace Ventura Jr.: “Ace Ventura Jr. is the son of eccentric ‘pet detective’ Ace Ventura, who had disappeared when he was a baby, and is attempting to follow in his footsteps, much to the chagrin of his mother, Melissa, who repeatedly tries to dissuade him from doing so.” First of all, he disappeared when he was a baby. Maybe when he entered a monastery, got wrapped up in a mystery in Africa, and was killed? Maybe that’s when he disappeared? Also, he had a baby with Melissa from the first film. So clearly the birth happened prior to the events of this film. So I better not see Ace Ventura 3 on the horizon unless it’s called Ace Ventura: Ghost Pet Detective. Hot Take Temperature: Miami Beach.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! How dare you. HOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAARE YOU. Let’s go!

Sometimes you look into the mirror at your clamshell VHS tape of Hook and whisper “Who am I?” and you realize that those movies you liked as a child are actually bad.

C’mon son, you know that day ain’t today. Ace Ventura is hilarious. Get that thought out of your dirty mind this second!

But sure … both films are a mishmash of misogyny, and homophobia, and transphobia, and oh boy is this film racist but like … it’s Ace Ventura, right?

But like … is it morally wrong to show this film to, say, a 10-year-old? The answer I think is yes. They need more context that doesn’t get clouded by a grown man talking out of his butt (objectively hilarious to a 10-year-old). It is on that Revenge of the Nerds level where you would turn to your child and be like “alright … well I forgot about this, but this part is actually rape and this main nerd should be in prison. The sequel should be Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Prison.” It is on the correct side of Soul Man, but on the wrong side of Revenge (only because you could edit Revenge of the Nerds to eliminate the Nerds’ horrible sex crimes).

Alright, enough of the moral quandary, let’s put that to the side and talk about both movies since I forced my wife to watch them with me because she had (gasp!) never seen either.

Verdict: Jim Carry was a whirlwind. A force of nature. The first movie could barely contain him. There is a script online, and for the most part it matches with the movie that was eventually shot, except that it has none of the Jim Carrey-ness of the eventual films. And reading it you can tell it would have been a pretty lackluster comedy without Carrey’s out of this world performance. My guess is that it never is actually made if not for Carrey signing on. Some producer somewhere knew that the script called for a crazy central performance and they nailed it.

The second embraces the character and feels like it sets up to portray the character well, but then gets waylaid by setting it in Africa which immediately causes issues. They really shouldn’t have gone abroad for the first sequel. They should have gone to Hollywood or New York and just amped up Ace Ventura, but kept the more grounded (less fictional) aspects brought in by setting it in a fictional colonized African country.

Fictional Location Alert (Where?) for the country of Nibia, and given the animals probably supposed to be down near South Africa. Not really but kind of a MacGuffin (Why?) for the Great White Bat. And Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious reveal that the white colonial monster is, well, a monster and is trying to set off a tribal war to consolidate power and exploit the resources of the region. I think this is closest to BMT, only because it is pretty funny, but also bad which makes for a pretty entertaining (if fraught) rewatch.

Read about the long lost sequel to When Nature Calls in the quiz, Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Quiz

Oh, shikaka! Here’s the thing. I’m terrified of bats, but I found myself in a cave just chockablock with ‘em! Needless to say I freaked out, ran out, and smashed my head on a rock. It isn’t a huge deal, but I do have a stage 3 concussion and can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The Cliffhanger parody start is a classic. But what animal was he saving?

2) Well, that was an easy one. Nibia needs Ace’s help though! What is the crime that is about to spark war between the two tribes?

3) Ultimately Ace uncovers two clues which eventually lead him to the culprit. The first is a false clue. But what was the second?

4) Name the four challenges Ace has to overcome in the warlike tribe’s village.

5) What happens to the villain ultimately?

Bonus Question: The last we see of Ace he’s running for his life. We know what he’s running from. But where is he running to?

Answers

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Preview

Jamie and Patrick look around the dance hall in downtown Lebanon, Kansas. People are dosadoing and promenading all the while staring in confusion at their jorts and leather vests. “Remind us again why we’re here? I thought we were gonna feel the rhythm take hold of our hearts… dance for our lives… what a feeling,” Jamie says, annoyed. Michael nods, “Yes, beep boop, The Dudikoffs want you to reconnect with the people. A beautiful artistic experimental dance is one thing. A people-pleasing, flashy dance is another. Time works differently in the catacombs. Beep boop.” Before embarking they had reassembled Michael, but not all the kinks were worked out yet. Jamie leans in close to Patrick’s ear to whisper something even Michael’s robot ears couldn’t hear. “Let’s blow this joint. Why not just go back to NYC and finish the Platonic Solids Series?” Patrick tended to agree. His neck had been itching for the feel of his cable knit sweater. Just as they turn to leave, though, an announcement rings out over the sound system. “Ladies and gentleman, start your engines because our special guest is here to show you how it’s done. ‘It’ is comedy. ‘It’ is sex appeal. ‘It’ is close-up magic. ‘He’ is three time Teen Choice Award nominee, one time People’s Choice Nominee, and current host of smash hit America is Very Good… Kevin James!” The crowd goes bananas. Kevin James emerges from a nearby restroom, grabs a microphone, and alerts all the attendees of the event that they should not go in there, implying that he destroyed the toilet. The crowd is laughing so hard that several of them faint. Jamie and Patrick turn around to find Kevin James staring directly at them from the stage mouthing the words “fuck you, Bad Movie Twins.” That’s right! Every once in a while you have to pick up a classic and this is one of those times. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was a smash hit, both financially and in our hearts. Let’s go!

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) – BMeTric: 21.9; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 21.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.3%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, and 34 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Four Rooms, Money Train, Panther, Jefferson in Paris, Jade, Assassins, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Hackers, Canadian Bacon, Just Cause, Nine Months, Dangerous Minds, and 10 more; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, The Walking Dead, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Canadian Bacon, Vampire in Brooklyn, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, and 18 more; Notes: A bit higher notability than I would have expected (given the somewhat limited cast). When are we watching Under Siege 2?

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Sloppy assemblage of gags (with most of the good ones near the beginning) ostensibly about Ace’s anti-p.c. hijinks with battling African tribes while trying to locate a rare white bat. Clever opening spoof of Cliffhanger and a funny sight gag involving asparagus; otherwise, more of the same.

(Pretty much nails it. He gave the first 2 stars as well which I think is fair. Basically there the complaint was Carrey wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. That is very fair. The first is almost bursting at the seams trying to contain Carrey within a script not written for him. This one I think at least is written to accommodate his outlandish behavior.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfqPjRMsRP0/

(The trailer is pretty good because it tells you almost nothing about the story. The only issue I could have is displaying two of the more solid jokes (the asparagus gag, and the spears in the legs). Solid overall. I remember this trailer so vividly for the music.)

Directors – Steve Oedekerk – ( Future BMT: Barnyard; Kung Pow: Enter the Fist; Nothing to Lose; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Wait … nominated for an Oscar? That’s right, he was nominated for Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius in 2002. Some might recognize him as the star of Kung Pow: Enter the First.)

Writers – Jack Bernstein – ( Known For: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Mostly a television producing including 70 episodes of Royal Pains.)

Steve Oedekerk – ( Known For: Bruce Almighty; Cowboys & Aliens; The Nutty Professor; Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius; High Strung; Future BMT: Evan Almighty; Patch Adams; Barnyard; Kung Pow: Enter the Fist; Nothing to Lose; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: He really lived off of that Jimmy Neutron gig for a while. Over 50 episodes of the television series, and then 20 more of a spinoff.)

Actors – Jim Carrey – ( Known For: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; The Truman Show; Sonic the Hedgehog 2; The Bad Batch; Sonic the Hedgehog; The Mask; Liar Liar; Dumb and Dumber; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; Bruce Almighty; A Series of Unfortunate Events; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Me, Myself & Irene; Horton Hears a Who!; The Cable Guy; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Yes Man; Peggy Sue Got Married; Earth Girls Are Easy; The Dead Pool; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Dumb and Dumber To; Fun with Dick and Jane; Once Bitten; The Incredible Burt Wonderstone; Pink Cadillac; BMT: Batman Forever; The Number 23; Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: I looked this up after, but he really never had a big downturn in his career as I had thought. Only somewhat recently did he take some time off before getting the Robotnik role in Sonic.)

Ian McNeice – ( Known For: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Valkyrie; Top Secret!; From Hell; No Escape; Valmont; Oliver Twist; Grizzly II: Revenge; A Life Less Ordinary; 84 Charing Cross Road; The Russia House; The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain; The Man Who Invented Christmas; Blackball; Personal Services; The Body; Funny Bones; The Cherry Orchard; The Fourth Angel; Whoops Apocalypse; Future BMT: The Black Dahlia; White Noise; The Beautician and the Beast; Year of the Comet; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Around the World in 80 Days; Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason; Town & Country; Notes: Oddly his three children live in Africa, but this doesn’t seem to be connected to this movie somehow.)

Simon Callow – ( Known For: Amadeus; Notting Hill; A Room with a View; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Shakespeare in Love; James and the Giant Peach; Maurice; Howards End; Postcards from the Edge; Victoria & Abdul; Mindhorn; Arn: The Knight Templar; No Man’s Land; Viceroy’s House; Late Bloomers; Thunderpants; Blue Iguana; Hampstead; Bright Young Things; The Man Who Invented Christmas; Future BMT: The Phantom of the Opera; Street Fighter; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Apparently he is an Orson Welles expert and biography.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $108,385,533 (Worldwide: $212,385,533)

(I mean that is huge. I think Carrey was at a weird point in his career where this was his first sequel. Because he didn’t really do another one until the Dumb and Dumber sequel many years later.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (6/28): Nature Calls in this Ace Ventura sequel, and it’s answered by the law of diminishing returns.

(Many of the complaints appear to be that Carrey is meaner in this film than the first, which I also think is correct. Again, the original was written without a solid grasp of the character who was written more as a zany take on noir detectives in general. In this they were grasping around trying to decide who this character was actually supposed to be.)

NY Times Short Review: Pet detective and sacred white bat. Sloppy, cheerfully gross sequel.

Poster – Ace Ventura: When Nature Sklogs

(It’s a classic. If the Ace Ventura 2 poster was a criminal that I was describing to a sketch artist it would have been caught in ten minutes. It’s not perfect or really artistic in any way, but nice font and that outfit is absolutely outrageous. B-)

Tagline(s) – New Animals. New Adventures. Same Hair (C-)

(Was the hair what everyone remembered most vividly from the first film? I guess maybe, although I never thought of it that way. This is a nicely constructed tagline, but boy is it lame.)

Keyword(s) – wisdom

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.2 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.4 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.5 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005), …

Best Options (Comedy): 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.2 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 63.7 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 62.2 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.5 Scooby-Doo (2002), 60.8 Like a Boss (2020), 60.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.6 Meet Dave (2008), 60.4 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 57.5 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 57.2 The Wedding Planner (2001), 56.9 Hanging Up (2000), 56.8 Land of the Lost (2009), 55.3 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.0 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.5 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 54.0 The Smurfs (2011), 53.9 Annie (2014), 53.1 Aloha (2015), 52.6 Just My Luck (2006), 52.1 Loser (2000), 52.0 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 51.4 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 51.0 Little Fockers (2010), 50.9 Couples Retreat (2009), 50.7 Racing Stripes (2005), 50.6 Eight Crazy Nights (2002), …

(Yeah there are too many really to list. Originally we were going to do Dumb and Dumberer but then we botched it. But Ace Ventura 2 is secretly amazing so I’m not too worked up about it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jim Carrey is No. 1 billed in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls and No. 1 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – When driving to the consulate for the first time, Jim Carrey forgot his lines, so instead started singing the theme from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Both actors stayed in character and the director loved it so they kept it in.

According to Simon Callow, Jim Carrey didn’t really want to make the film, which made on-set experiences awkward.

According to Jeff Daniels, Jim Carrey had explained to him the reasons why he didn’t like the sequel much. He disliked the whole “Ace is afraid of bats” angle, as he found it to be cheap, and even fought with the director about changing the script so that Ace was merely allergic to bats. Carrey was also very nervous about the film’s depiction of the native characters, and that people might take offense to them. He’s even surprised the film hasn’t been outright banned.

Jim Carrey spent a lot of time off sick, which affected the contract of actor Simon Callow. Callow’s contract had actually expired before he could finish filming his scenes. Despite this, he wasn’t paid overtime as Carrey’s illness was regarded as an “Act of God” in the contract. Which Carrey himself claims as “unfair”. Since Callow already had other commitments in London, the producers suggest he flew back regularly in first-class, as the contract had stated. It wasn’t until later that Callow found out that the producers were deducting the cost of his plane tickets from his overall salary. In his words he “finished up working almost for nothing”.

Despite Jim Carrey only doing this movie due to contractual obligation, the studio attempted to get him interested in doing another Ace Ventura movie several times throughout the years to which he declined.

Jim Carrey was paid $15 million to reprise the part of Ace Ventura, exactly half of the film’s $30 million budget. It was actually the film’s writer and Carrey’s friend Steve Oedekerk who suggested he’d negotiate with Morgan Creek Productions for this. Conveniently, Oedekerk himself became the film’s director, who then finalized this decision.

Up until Dumb and Dumber To (2014), this was the only sequel to a Jim Carrey film to actually feature Carrey, Likewise none of the actors with the exception of Carrey return from the first film.

Jim Carrey said that after doing this movie he realized he could not spend his entire life doing Ace Ventura movies. Writer/director Steve Oedekerk felt the same way, and also moved onto other projects.

The language used by the Wachootoo chief and in Ouda’s Wachootoo translation is isiXhosa, an Nguni language spoken in South Africa. IsiXhosa is the native language of Nelson Mandela and Miriam Makeba a.k.a. Mama Africa. The Xhosa people (amaXhosa) make up the second largest ethnic group in South Africa after their close relatives the Zulus (amaZulu).

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Recap

Jamie

We’re back, Jack! Cause we get to flashback to September 1st, 1994. A birthday so sweet that they just had to get Citizen Kane going early. Settle in at 11am on AMC for that CKane action. But rest up cause you better believe that they are taking The Adventures of Ford Fairlane primetime. Channel 11 at 8pm they are giving you the rock and roll detective. The FCC must have been going wild. Phones ringing off the hook at Andrew Dice Clay’s antics. We try to change the channel but the birthday boy says no. It’s his birthday and he’ll laugh at ADC if he pleases. Everyone is so jazzed by the experience that they collapse in exhaustion. Unbeknownst to them Jamie and Patrick sneak downstairs and find to their delight The Sketch Artist starring Jeff Fahey (1am on TMC), thus beginning their Fahey-aissance. An aissance that continues to this day. So, thank you The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Thank you.

To recap, Andrew Dice Clay is the coolest cat in town. He is bedding ladies left and right. He is meeting with musicians and producers and everyone under the sun. We come to find that despite nabbing baddies on the regular, he’s not making any money because the musicians hiring him are paying him in eccentric gifts like koalas. We also find that he has a secretary that loves him and he loves her, but he’s gotta keep up his persona. Anyway, he gets a call from a friend who is now a shock jock about a job. When he goes there the dude wants to find a girl, Zuzu Petals, and is being real shady about it. ADC agrees to the gig, but just minutes later the guy is murdered. He gets a couple clues from the radio stations and the next morning is approached by a rich lady, Connie Sutton, who also wants to find Zuzu. He starts to collect a series of CDs, but not musical CDs, rather those newfangled computer doohickeys, you dig? He also figures out that Zuzu is associated with the lead singer of The Black Plague, who recently died on stage. While investigating he is almost killed numerous times by a hitman and is almost blown up. Ultimately they end up confronting the head of a music studio, Wayne Newton, who reveals his big plan was to bootleg the CDs of his company to make money off both the legitimate and black market. No prob telling Ford, because he’s about to die. Or is he? He’s not, because he escapes and is able to crack the final clue and get the last disc. This is all revealed and he wins the day, gets the girl, adopts a kid to be their son, and wins a billion dollars. No seriously, that’s how it ends. THE END.

Sometimes films are listed as having a “cult following” and I’m not sure I understand it. Either because the film is well known and probably not “cult,” or that it is objectively horrendous and shouldn’t have a “following.” I fully expected that to be the case here. The film is notorious. For all I had known this was a misogynistic pile of garbage and Andrew Dice Clay was king of the Mt. Garbage. Guess what? It wasn’t. I actually can kinda see how this is a cult film. It is weird in a specifically early 90’s Hudson Hawk kind of way and ADC is actually not half bad. You can see the natural charisma that briefly made him a comic star. The film mostly suffers from some poor performances (looking at you Robert Englund) and an inane plot complete with a laughable CD-ROM MacGuffin. Overall, though, it was way better than I thought it would be. Huh… I did not expect this.

Hot Take Clam Bake! It’s a classic, ladies and gentlemen. You know what I’m going to say: the end of this film didn’t happen and Ford Fairlane was actually shot and killed. It’s just the final firing of his dumb synapses. Think about the ending: Ford saves the day by tricking the bad guy in the most obvious way. Straight out of a movie type of stuff. Then he goes off and confesses his love for his secretary and they set off to live happily ever after. But not before grabbing a cute tyke to be their adoptive son and stopping briefly for Ford to win a billion dollars in a radio giveaway. We end with an image of them living happily on a yacht. You can tell they weren’t thinking Ford Fairlane 2. Why? Cause there never was going to be a Ford Fairlane 2… cause he’s dead. Hot Take Temperature: The Last Seduction.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Once upon a time there was a man named Andrew Dice Clay who wasn’t funny and yet he got a movie made starring him as basically his comedy schtick. The early 90s were wild. Let’s go!

Is my brain dying? Because I didn’t think Andrew Dice Clay, as an actor, was half bad in this movie. I guess that is basically what happens when you cast someone as themself in a film while simultaneously “themself” actually is an act they’ve been putting on for years.
I also thought the core of the film was basically an okay idea. That makes sense right? It is based on a series of short stories that ran in the trades back in the day. So the concept of a PI who investigates Rock n’ Roll crimes and is himself a failed Rock n’ Roller is a pretty cool concept.
Alright, I think that’s it for all the good stuff in the film (and even that is borderline).
The jokes aren’t funny, and it is blatantly obvious why people make fun of Andrew Dice Clay on the reg even though he hasn’t been any kind of famous for about three decades. It is a joke layered upon a joke at this point. I guess it wouldn’t have been as obvious at that point that his homophobic and misogynistic character wouldn’t fly, but even at the time I think it was mostly shock value. Which I suppose makes it somewhat poetic that one of the people his character is existentially associated with is a shock jock. That was what he was right? A shock comic. I guess those still exist, although to a smaller degree. I couldn’t really name a comedian who’s managed to make a whole mainstream career from shock recently. Jeselnik seems like one of the last, but who knows, I’m not exactly plugged into that world at this point in my life. It does feel like “shock” comics are mostly a right-wing thing at this point.
From top to bottom the acting in the film is pretty rough.
And overall the storyline is ultra-confusing. It is basically like … a financial coverup by Wayne Newton? And he kills a bunch of people who figure it out. And it involves three discs which have to all be put into a special computer together for it to work? Maybe? Destroy the computer Wayne, ever think of that?
And my god, Wayne Newton looks bizarre in this film. I couldn’t figure out who he was for quite a while. He looked like he had late-stage CharlesBronson-itis with his big puffy face. No offense.
I mean, it has an A+ Product Placement (What?) for a Ford Fairlane, which they got into trouble for lying about actually blowing up (since it is apparently quite rare, enthusiasts were not amused by them joking around about destroying one). Definitely a Setting as a Character (Where?) for the music industry of Los Angeles. I do love an actual MacGuffin (Why?) for the set of three discs they don’t know anything about for 90% of the film. I think this is a BMT film, it is very very weird, but strangely entertaining, and very 90s.

Read about the sequel The Adventures of Ford Fairlane: Social Security in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Cocoon: The Return Recap

Jamie

You are Franchise Man. It’s March 27, 1993. Every day is harder than the last, but it’s your job and you love it. You wake up bright and early for an 8:30am showing of Curse of the Fly on Cinemax, which gives you just enough time to catch the 11am airing of The Ewok Adventure on Disney. You stretch your legs and crack your back as you wait the hour for the 2pm showing of Airport 1975 on TBS. You’ve seen it before so you skip the last half hour to hit up Cocoon: The Return on Showtime and follow that up with The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, and Xtro II: The Second Encounter. The big boss congratulates you for another job well done. You get home and flip your personal TV to channel 11 for a 2am showing of Citizen Kane. It is your secret shame. This is a day in the life of Franchise Man. Fin.

To recap, an old man drops a snow globe and whispers “Rosebud.” … no wait, sorry, wrong movie. The Cocoon gang (and Gutes) are back, Jack! And boy, are they missing Earth. Turns out that going off to live for eternity as glowing aliens has some drawbacks (namely, it’s super weird). So when the aliens have to return to Earth to try one last time to rescue their friends, our favorite geezers come along for the ride. Bernie is quite happy to see them and foregoes committing suicide to pal around with his old friends (fun!). But things go a little sideways when they are all super weird old people and Bernie is like “stop being so weird.” Mix in the fact that Ben’s grandson is a super weenie in need of a father figure, Joe’s cancer returns at the same time that his wife gets hit by a car and needs his special lifeforce to survive (geez), and Art and Alma find out they’re pregnant (at their age!) and things are getting rough. Not to mention that a local research facility has stumbled upon a cocoon and taken it to study. Gutes and the gang decide on a rescue and Art, Ben, Kitty, the Gutes, and Ben’s weenie grandson head on in. While in there they are caught by a researcher, but she is also dismayed by the treatment of the alien and lets them go. They return to the Gutes’ boat and everyone prepares to leave, except that Ben and his family decide to stay behind too. After the aliens depart, the Gutes is kinda sad because he wanted to have alien sex with Kitty, but then he meets the scientist who helped them out and realizes that she is the woman that Kitty told him he would fall in love with. So he’s happy to have regular ol’ human sex with this one. THE END.

Oh boy. Oh deary Cocoon: The Return. I can’t even say, ‘what have you become?’ The truth is that Cocoon was always weird. It is just wild to have a film where a bunch of old people swim with some cocoons, feel super spry, and proceed through a series of montages where they totally sex up their wives real good. That’s pretty much 70% of the original film. Already weird. The sequel triples down on that concept while adding in a bunch of fluff. There is a beach scene that is so offputting that it should have resulted in an X rating. Then half the film is them doing mundane Earth stuff (e.g. Ben teaching his grandson how to hit a single) and being like “boy I miss this.” Sure… but did we have to see it? The real problem is that I wasn’t a big fan of the first film… so the objectively worse and totally redundant sequel was not for me. One positive note: I thought Elaine Stritch was good in this one. Made up for the Bernie character being reduced to a series of inexplicable impression gags. So my conclusion: give me more Cocoon. I am Franchise Guy.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This whole thing is bullshit. They have never, across two films, explained any rationale why this group of randos got to go into space to live forever. They aren’t even particularly good or nice people. The aliens should have found a bunch of better people to take with them. Speaking of that, why didn’t any of the other old people that went away in the first film return to Earth for this little excursion? What makes these jokesters so special? That’s my hot take: this film should have been about the aliens returning the old people to Earth cause they realized that they made a big mistake and then the old people have to make amends with everyone they left behind who now also hate them. Hot Take Temperature: Body Heat.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! A bunch of aliens decide to grant the gift of eternal life to … a bunch of really old people? Brutal choice. Let’s go!

I’ll hop back onto effectively Jamie’s Hot Take: It is absurd that the aliens are like “these morons who botched our operation because they got into a fight in their old folks home and killed one of our friends … yeah, let’s go with them as far as granting eternal life.” Like … a few guys in the Navy maybe? I guess they have some life experience? But they aren’t like hey, maybe we should snag a scientist and junk. It’s insane!
Also locks? Ever heard of them?
Oh sorry, this isn’t the place to complain about the original surprising hit from the era of “The Old Guys Still Got It!” that brought us smash hits like Grumpy Old Men. I’ll say, the film is pleasant enough, but I really find it interesting that people were enjoying a bunch of old actors in a, frankly, not very funny sci-fi comedy. It would have been remembered like Batteries Not Included if they didn’t make the sequel.
The sequel finds The Gutes grimly selling garbage in Florida (living the life…) and for no reason a bunch of old people remembering that literally being on the verge of death was nice I guess. It is already an absurd premise.
But what do you expect from this era? They would make a film that is basically like “remember Don Ameche? It’s him but aliens.” and people were falling all over themselves to give them money. What could they do?
So as I said, the premise, which is basically just “Hey remember how it took us a thousand years to come and get our friends last time? Well, turns out it only takes us like five years to get here, so we’re back, oh and we have to get them again.”
Add in a basketball scene to replace the original’s dance scene.
And add in a love interest for the Gutes that isn’t an alium.
The end, you have your movie. Everyone complains a lot, and the guy who literally almost kills himself at the beginning of this film decides not to, but he still doesn’t go with them. Dumb.
The acting is … it isn’t good. Honestly, it wasn’t that good in the first, but the novelty has worn off and the writing is so lazy the house of cards falls down (where have I experienced this before … oh yeah, Grumpier Old Men. What an era!)
They still don’t explain how The Gutes got out of his 30 counts of negligent homicide. THEY HAD A FUNERAL. He’s the last person to see all of them. It was his boat they were on (which is now gone). He says something to the effect of “Oh man, I got in a lot of trouble for that.” You mean like the 20 years in prison you should have been sentenced to? Then six of these people come back, one of them dies, and three of them stay? How are they explaining that? Where are the 24 friends you were with? Cuba?! Legit, it is a giant plot hole that is maybe okay to forget about for a one off nonsense film, but they don’t even really try and lampshade it for the second one. It is a bit nuts.
Some hilarious Product Placement (What?) like Quaker Oats which is front and center in a cooking scene early in the film. Definitely Setting as a Character (Where?) for Florida. I think that’s it. Definite BMT film, what an odd film.

Alright, well, go check out Cocoon: The Protector of the Gem in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Cocoon: The Return Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I found some aliums in a pool house and then while feeling all young and spry I did a double back flip off the diving board and really Louganis’d it. Now I have a massive concussion (but I still won the gold! I think. I don’t remember). Do you remember what happened in Cocoon: The Return?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Oh snap the aliums are back Jack. Well, what is The Gutes doing (besides presumably evading the authorities for his 30 counts of negligent homicide)?

2) And why are the aliums back?

3) But uh oh, the aliums have a new problem! What is it?

4) So six of them come back. How many go back with the aliums? And why do some of them go and some of them stay?

5) Well then, what is their grand plan for saving their allium friend?

Bonus Question:

Answers