Oh man, turns out I have some spooky ghosts in my house … again. I feel like I remember this happening before. Huh … this seems really familiar. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist (2015)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Can you call that product placement? Well, regardless where did Sam Rockwell work prior to getting laid off which resulted in a very awkward exchange with their realtor?
2) What is Sam Rockwell trying to buy when all of his credit cards are declined?
3) While away at a dinner party the house be all haunted. What happens to each of the three kids?
4) So what’s the plan then. How are they going to get Maddie back?
5) So … why is the house haunted?
Bonus Question: My house has been pretty spooky recently so I haven’t slept in twenty six nights. I’m a tad bit howyousay … insane? I startle when my home phone rings. Who is it?
“That was amazing,” Jamie says and then turns to everyone else. “Wasn’t that am…” he stops, looking bewildered. Apparently while he was listening to Sam’s story they were let out of jail. He looks up at a banner hanging above him that reads “The Men in Black Take London: Fashion Made Simply Complicated.” Next to that nonsense is a picture of Kyle, Jamie and Patrick posed like Charlie’s Angels in tuxedos. “What thuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Finally, the prodigal son has returned,” Patrick says from behind him. Jamie swings around to find Kyle and Patrick smirking at him. How dare they smirk like a couple Sir Smirks-a-lots at him! Outrageous! “And by prodigal son I mean your brain since you’ve been listening blankly to Sam recite that (I have to admit, quite good) book for the last 48 hours.” Sam blushes at the compliment given by one of their generation’s great American writers. “Meanwhile, Kyle here has been putting in the work,” Patrick says, patting Kyle on the back. It’s time for him to blush. “The Fashion Police weren’t such bad guys and with the help of Rachel they all agreed that it was all a misunderstanding.” Patrick elbows him in the ribs. Kyle continues, “And maybe the Fashion Police invited me to be part of their softball team and then maybe I mentioned my idea for a tuxedo that was not just hard to put on, but almost impossible.” Patrick butts in, “It’s a tuxedo that’s like an escape room, except you’re trying to escape into the tuxedo!” Patrick’s eyes are shining maniacally. “Ahem, anyway,” Patrick says, “our work here is about done.” Then gathering himself and pulling Jamie aside. “ But your work is just beginning,” he says softly, “How do you feel about ghosts?” That’s right! Busting makes us feel good, and by that I mean we like to bust up franchises that we haven’t quite finished for BMT. In this case we fairly recently watched Poltergeist II (crazy ending) and Poltergeist III (Ammmaaaazzziinnnggg) and that completed the original trilogy. But we still had one disastrous remake left. Poltergeist (2015). Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.8%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Grey, Fantastic Four, The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, The Gallows, The Boy Next Door, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, Knock Knock, The Ridiculous 6; Higher Notability: Entourage, Jupiter Ascending, Pixels, Pan, Terminator Genisys, The Divergent Series: Insurgent, Point Break, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip, Fantastic Four, Blackhat, Mortdecai, The Last Witch Hunter, Child 44, The Wedding Ringer, Fifty Shades of Grey, Unfinished Business, Little Boy, Daddy’s Home, The Ridiculous 6, Victor Frankenstein, and 10 more; Lower RT: The Ridiculous 6, Freaks of Nature, Home Sweet Hell, Extraction, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Rock the Kasbah, Survivor, Hot Pursuit, Hitman: Agent 47, Fantastic Four, Pay the Ghost, Unfinished Business, Point Break, Mortdecai, The Boy Next Door, Area 51, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Return to Sender, Sinister 2, Regression, and 43 more; Notes: Out of the Higher BMeT we’ve seen all but three. And oh man … you remember Unfinished Business? My god. It was like the Waiting For Forever of its era. Remember Waiting For Forever?
RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Rarely has a remake felt more contractually obligated than the 2015 version of “Poltergeist.” There are a few decent performances, a nice riff on the technology fears that drove the original movie, and a centerpiece of horror that works, but never once do you get the feeling that the people behind this remake are here because of artistic passion or creative drive. They’re here because, well, somebody had to be here, so why not them? With remakes of “Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Friday the 13th,” “Evil Dead,” and more already on the books, “Poltergeist” is even arguably a bit late to the party. And they didn’t bring a gift.
(Sounds correct. What a wild time the early 2010s were with horror. I feel like we are in the same place today. They are trying to kick start big budget mainstream horror and something is tripping them up. Probably that real horror-heads expect things that are more extreme than what the mainstream is willing to handle. So you end up with Scream 6 or M3GAN as the big hits (i.e. borderline horror-comedy).)
(“We can’t call the cops, what are we going to tell them?” Uh, that your daughter is missing? Good to see Jared Harris though.)
Directors – Gil Kenan – ( Known For: Monster House; City of Ember; A Boy Called Christmas; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Holy shit, the director of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire … that makes a lot of sense. Nominated for an Oscar for Monster House.)
Writers – David Lindsay-Abaire – ( Known For: Oz the Great and Powerful; Rise of the Guardians; Robots; Rabbit Hole; The Family Fang; Future BMT: Inkheart; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Frankly, the fact that they seemed to have gotten kids’ film writers and directors for this film is probably all you need to know about it. Apparently did a pass on Kung Fu Panda 4.)
Steven Spielberg – ( Known For: A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Goonies; Close Encounters of the Third Kind; Poltergeist; What Lies Beneath; The Fabelmans; The Sugarland Express; Ace Eli and Rodger of the Skies; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: The rest are just the people who wrote the original including Spielberg himself. At one point he was running all of WB’s cartoon division back in the day, trying to resurrect Looney Tunes and creating Roger Rabbit.)
Michael Grais and Mark Victor – ( Known For: Poltergeist; Death Hunt; Future BMT: Marked for Death; BMT: Poltergeist; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Cool World; Notes: Cool World! They got credits on the video game which I now feel like I should play.)
Actors – Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Poltergeist; Argylle; Notes: Interesting career in that he really doesn’t seem like he is ever in bad films, and then we watch two in quick succession. Won an Oscar for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Nominated for another for Vice.)
Rosemarie DeWitt – ( Known For: La La Land; Cinderella Man; Rachel Getting Married; Kill the Messenger; The Company Men; Promised Land; The Professor; A Little Bit of Heaven; Your Sister’s Sister; Margaret; Sweet Virginia; Arizona; Digging for Fire; Nobody Walks; Afterschool; The Estate; Touchy Feely; Purple Violets; Tenure; The Great New Wonderful; Future BMT: The Watch; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Men, Women & Children; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: I don’t know why but she gives me heavy television energy, but really she’s only been in things like Unite States of Tara, but mostly does movies. It feels like she plays “mothers” a lot.)
Kennedi Clements – ( BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: She hasn’t been doing much, but probably is in school and junk.)
(Yeah, pretty bad. Always bad when the original makes a ton more than the remake 35 years later.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (40/136): Paying competent homage without adding anything of real value to the original Poltergeist, this remake proves just as ephemeral (but half as haunting) as its titular spirit.
(Sounds correct. Although I might challenge the concept that it was competent.)
Reviewer Highlight: [A] professionally executed yet bloodless film … an act of homage that hews reverently to its source material while missing the essential spirit and vitality that once powered it. – Andrew Barker, Variety
(Yeah, well… they all can’t be winners. I don’t like how dim this is. Also it takes the least scary part of the first film and puts it front and center. That clown was always ridiculous. C-.)
Tagline(s) – They know what scares you. (C)
(Cool. ‘They’re back’ would have sufficed. This is accurate and short. That’s what I got.)
Keyword(s) – 2015-2023
Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021), The Revenant (2015)
Future BMT: 85.5 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.0 Black Christmas (2019), 76.4 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 73.7 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.8 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.5 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.9 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.9 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015)
BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Poltergeist (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Morbius (2022), After We Fell (2021), Moonfall (2022), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …
Best Options (2015): 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 49.5 Blackhat (2015), 42.7 Pan (2015), 39.2 Rock the Kasbah (2015), 38.9 Masterminds (2015), 38.1 90 Minutes in Heaven (2015), 35.7 Love the Coopers (2015), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 35.4 The Perfect Guy (2015), …
(Goddddddamn, Pan. We’ve seen Hot Tub Time Machine 2 actually … in theaters. Probably the worst decision we made at the time. Real dumb film and I don’t look forward to watching it again.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sam Rockwell is No. 1 billed in Poltergeist and No. 2 billed in Argylle, which also stars Henry Cavill (No. 5 billed) who is in Justice League (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 18. If we were to watch G-Force we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – Rosemarie DeWitt wanted to do the film, after she experienced the engaged and lively audience reaction at the premiere of The Conjuring (2013), which she attended because it featured her husband Ron Livingston.
(at around 1h 26 mins) The bumper sticker on the Bowen vehicle during the last scene of the film says: Hooper High School. This is a direct reference to Tobe Hooper, who directed the 1982 original version.
In a Q&A, Saxon Sharbino admitted that she had never seen the original Poltergeist (1982) until filming was complete on this production.
The original cut ran for 101 minutes with 7-8 minutes of footage missing from the theatrical cut. This footage was released as a director’s cut on the DVD and Blu-ray release.
Parapsychologist/Anomalist Christopher Chacon, one of the world’s foremost authorities on “poltergeists”, was utilized by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/20th Century Fox studios as their official expert on the phenomenon to internationally publicize and promote the release of the movie.
I have obviously seen the first Exorcist a few times over the years. Always great. I didn’t find The Exorcist scary, really, but I liked the tone and the effects. It was high brow crossed with genre. Anyway, I had never seen the second or the third. The second has the reputation of being one of the worst films of all time. For the first thirty minutes I didn’t disagree with that. It is hilarious. A shoddy moneygrab designed to ruin a franchise. But then this kind of wild Africa storyline started and I was turned around a little. It was just different and looked pretty cool with particular filmmaking flourishes that I dug. It’s not good (it ruined the franchise for a reason) but it wasn’t the worst of all time. As for the third, I was surprised I didn’t like it more. I enjoyed some horror aspects that felt more modern than other entries in the series… serial killers popping out of places and stuff. The problem is that it’s a little schlocky. George C. Scott is well past his prime and just chowing down on the scenery. So it plays like it’s made-for-TV. Felt a little cheap, beyond the studio-forced ending that everyone disliked. So that’s where I was for The Exorcist: Believer reboot attempt (we left the prequels for later).
To recap, Victor is a single dad raising his daughter Angela. He has lost faith after losing his wife in the 2010 Haiti earthquake, but Angela wants to feel connected to her. She goes out in the woods with a friend, Katherine, in order to summon her spirit but instead they summon something else. After several days missing they show up largely unharmed, but behaving strangely. That’s only the beginning as each girl exhibits all kinds of strange marks on their bodies and behavior once they are taken home. With the help of some neighbors, Victor tracks down Chris MacNeil, who wrote a book about exorcisms. She agrees to help them, but when she goes to see Katherine she is stabbed repeatedly in the eyes and ends up in the hospital. The parents and neighbors decide to do the exorcism themselves, even when their local priest is told by the church that he can’t participate. Things… don’t go well. The priest comes in and is killed immediately. The neighbor who decided to take on the exorcism is immediately like “oh shit, I don’t know what I’m doing.” When the girls, under the possession of the demon, propose that they must choose a girl to live and one to die, they are all aghast. They panic except for Victor. It seems like he has finally given in to belief in the divine, as well as belief that the demon is a liar. But Katherine’s father isn’t as calm and ends up dooming his child by choosing her. Katherine is sucked into the demon realm, while Angela awakens unharmed. THE END (or is it? I genuinely don’t know).
I’m gonna come out strong on this one. I think it’s terrible. Feels to me like one of the many subpar demon possession horror films that come out regularly every year. Except this one also has a bunch of random Exorcist elements shoehorned in so that it gets the honor of being included in the series. But it’s not better than those films and only suffers with those strained connections to the series. I can’t even tell if they added the Exorcist stuff in at the end or if they cut a bunch of it out… or maybe this is how it was supposed to be. But given the way they connected it to the series, the film really only works if you make up some larger Exorcist story that it will eventually exist within. But that also means that it doesn’t work on its own and now with the film doing so poorly there would really be a question of whether the rest of the films will even be made. What a disaster.
Hot Take Clam Bake! One little problem with the film. Demonic possession isn’t real. So the girls are obviously faking it and the people would all be indicted for murder (for both the priest and for Katherine). This is actually my biggest problem with horror in general. It’s not real… so why am I scared? People just need to remember that and they’ll be fine. Don’t even get me started on Science Fiction. It’s got “fiction” in the name, people. Get a grip. Hot Take Temperature: Hellfire.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a legacy-quel of what some people consider to be the greatest film of all time, but totally botched and borderline offense? Let’s go!
I have a few reviews to do as there was quite a bit of homework. I saw the original Exorcist years ago and loved it. Mainly I liked the interplay between the truly frightening depiction of the hospital and equipment that the men of science are using to try their own “exorcism” of disease, and the religious supernatural and the acceptance of it by Chris. I don’t necessarily think it is particularly scary, but that seems to depend highly on whether one was religious growing up.
The second is kind of a mess with a huge own goal in trying to involved Regan again when that feels totally unnecessary. Either you can deal with a different iteration of Pazuzu, a different demon, or an anthology version of things with a world whereby the exorcist exists in the mind, but dealing with a different idea. They choose none of those and instead make a direct sequel in which we have to buy into Regan being some supernatural healing avatar and Pazuzu specifically targeting those people. There is some nice stuff with Africa and locusts and James Earl Jones. And I’m probably in the minority in which I thought the hypnotism machine was an interesting extension of the theme of science vs religion from the first film, even though they overused it. Overall, it isn’t a great film, but it didn’t seem as big of a disaster as some of the reviews suggested.
The third though I can see why people dig it even though I’m pretty sure I watched the theatrical cut (and my understanding is the director’s cut is where it is at). Written and directed by the writer of The Exorcist and based off of his third book in a trilogy about exorcism ist takes the third route. Set in the same world it posits that at the moment of Father Kerras’ death on the famous staircase at the end of the first film Pazuzu placed the soul of a serial killer killed that very night called the Gemini Killer (and based off of the Zodiac Killer). Fifteen years later a detective and friend of Kerras starts seeing the M.O. of the Gemini Killer in the murders of others with a name that starts with K. In the end it is revealed that Gemini, in the guise of Kerras, has been in a lunatic asylum as it has taken 15 years for him to regain the ability to talk and move. Over the years he has developed a supernatural ability to commune with and manipulate dementia patients to do his bidding and so that is how several people are killed. In the end there is something like an exorcism as the detective shoots the undead Kerras in his cell and stops Gemini from killing again. The film is really quite interesting with new themes and an interesting take on the serial killer thriller. The main issue? Not scary and, as a matter of fact, unintentionally funny whenever the director tries his hand at being scary. Almost certainly an issue with this only being his second film. But he does, obviously, understand The Exorcist and I kind of dug it in the end.
Which then brings us to Believer … it is just one of those things where it seems like to me that Green and McBride probably understood what they were doing and the theme they were going for was effectively: the church is dead, so what do you do when there is nowhere to turn in a time of great religious need? And I think the ultimate conclusion was going to be the father (an atheist of sorts) saves his daughter with faith and love of his own kind (while the other child, the child of what could be construed as evangelicals, is not returned). If I were to field a guess this movie was noted to death and the producers flat rejected what they thought would be an antagonistic message. This is all speculation though, Green and McBride are from the South, so maybe they were going for something a bit more that speed. I wouldn’t know. It just seems like the film was cobbled together from a thousand mixed messages and ultimately doesn’t work.
Setting as a Character (Where?) for Georgia as that plays into some of the religious themes of the film. Let’s go for MacGuffin (Why?) for the dead mother motivating the entirety of the seance and subsequent possession by The Deceiver. And Worst Twist (How?) for obviously making the choice of who to save ultimately dooms that child. The movie is Bad I think, kind of boring, muddled, and fails as an entry in the Exorcist franchise.
I feel like there is an Exorcist legacy-quel hidden in here … I’ll write it up in the Quiz, but sure, it definitely also sucks. Why do we try this dumb stuff? Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was out in the woods hunting for Pazuzu as I’m wont to do, when suddenly I was possessed by The Deceiver. Now I’m drinking wine and screaming and I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Exorcist: Believer?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The film opens with a real life event. What event?
2) Years later Victor and Angela Fielding are living in Atlanta. The day of his daughter’s disappearance she takes what from the belongings of her late mother?
3) How long are the girls gone for and what were they doing in the woods?
4) Who is involved in the final exorcism?
5) What is the one weird trick that The Deceiver pulls on our heroes right at the end of the exorcism?
Bonus Question: Let’s reboot this thing. What does Pazuzu want this time?
The next day, Patrick twirls his fake mustache in a very believable way. “Yes, well I think that room would do just fine.” He tells Jamie, pointing at a map of Fool’s Paradise, the first and only operating B&B in the interdimensional hell they now reside. Jamie is eyeing him suspiciously. “But you haven’t even seen the rooms yet,” Jamie says, confused. “Well, ahem, yes, well, once I see it, I mean… I’m sure it’ll be quite indubitably satisfactory,” Patrick says, using his substantial improv skillz to save the plan. All he needs to do is show Jamie the book. “Chapter 1: Escaping the Maze” makes it very clear exactly how they can get back to the real world. Jamie narrows his eyes and nods his head back towards the inventory closet. “Are you sure you don’t want this room?” he asks in a hushed tone. At that he grabs Patrick by the arms and pulls him into the closet. He flips on the light and rips the mustache from Patrick’s face. “My mustache! You must be a magician to have pulled a real mustache clean off like that!” Patrick exclaims, nailing the improv once again. Jamie grabs the book from Patrick knapsack and holds it up to the light. “I know when I found it that you must have the other piece of the puzzle,” he says, a note of sadness in his voice. He opens the book to the final page of Chapter 1 and places it in its proper place. Patrick looks back at what the book is saying: “To get out of the maze you must recite these words:” That’s where it had ended. Patrick assumed they could just kind of wing it, but now the words are clear: “The Prayer of Reverse Exorcism.” That’s right! We are doing our own reverse exorcism this week. In that we are watching The Exorcist: Believer and it’s the reverse of being good. A-yo. Let’s go!
The Exorcist: Believer (2023) – BMeTric: 67.0; Notability: 25
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 0.4%; Notability: top 6.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.5%; Higher Notability: Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, Vacation Friends 2; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Re-Education of Molly Singer, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma; Notes: The finale for the year. Not a bad crop, but still, we’ll probably have to think through something eventually. It just isn’t pleasurable or sustainable to get 30 films a year and be scrambling around trying desperately to fill out a good slate.
RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – Friedkin excelled on both fronts: the drama and the whammies. The original is still effective because it takes its sweet time establishing characters who seem like real people, then puts them and the audience through a prolonged, brutal ordeal together—one that, at the time, no one had ever seen on a screen before. Clocking in at a relatively breezy 121 minutes in length, “The Exorcist: Believer” is a rare case where a long cut would play better than a short one. Given that the hero and his late wife were photographers, you’d expect photography to play into this film the way sound recording did in the first one, but either the script isn’t interested or just part of the movie got cut down to almost nothing. And there are a lot of underdeveloped themes and elements, including the notion that a culturally divided America needs to come together for the sake of the children, as well as oddly off-brand positive exhortations that everything happens as it should, even trauma, and there would be less evil in the world if we were more emotionally connected to one another. The message at the end isn’t, “The real exorcist is love,” but it almost seems that way.
(Oh boy. Yeah, that jives with a few other reviews I listened to / read. Mainly that it is a little unbelievable that (knowing the filmmakers) the idea is that aw shucks can’t we all just get along … but the movie seems maybe to lean that way unintentionally. Personally I don’t think that is the real message, but I’ll get to that in the recap.)
(I thought the trailer was quite effective and was genuinely pretty surprised when it didn’t hit at least a little bit. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised (horror fans are so persnickety about their favorite franchises, and this is kind of maybe the best of the best in that regard), but I still was.)
Directors – David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Halloween; Halloween Ends; Joe; Stronger; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Manglehorn; Future BMT: Your Highness; Halloween Kills; The Sitter; Our Brand Is Crisis; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: I’m not sure where he goes from here with his direction. One would hope he’d find something that maybe he could put his stamp on, but it really seems like his last few not hitting could become a problem.)
Writers – Peter Sattler – ( Known For: Camp X-Ray; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Kind of a weird filmography. Camp X-Ray is from 2014, and then this is the only other thing really and he directed Camp X-Ray as well.)
David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Goat; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Grew up in Arkansas, but went to college in North Carolina where he met McBride. A lot of the comedians of a specific era came from North Carolina for some reason.)
Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun;; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Firestarter; Notes: Oooof Firestarter. Seems like a Horror punch up guy, which maybe points to one of my theories on the recent Halloween films and this: the studios are maybe noting and overwriting these things and being too careful. But I guess we’ll see if the second Exorcist ever happens and if the series can recover.)
Danny McBride – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; The Foot Fist Way; The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter; Future BMT: Your Highness; Halloween Kills; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: I find it so weird that he is now one of the faces of modern horror. Just given that he is also a face of modern high-concept comedy as well.)
Actors – Leslie Odom Jr. – ( Known For: Glass Onion; Murder on the Orient Express; Hamilton; The Many Saints of Newark; Red Tails; One Night in Miami…; Harriet; Music; Only; Needle in a Timestack; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Nominated for 2 Oscars, and seems to have been in the original cast of Hamilton as Aaron Burr. Both Oscars were for One Night in Miami… for which he wrote an original song.)
Lidya Jewett – (Known For: Hidden Figures; Wonder; Vivo; Feel the Beat; Nightbooks; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; The Darkest Minds; Notes: Has been in a trilogy of films called Ivy + Bean.)
Olivia O’Neill – (BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Legit this is the only thing she’s really been in, but since the IMDb has the cast list all messed up I figured I would throw her in here since the two possessed girls seemed like important characters.)
Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $65,537,395 (Worldwide: $136,169,912)
(That is really good … The budget was only $30 million? That’s incredible. They are definitely making the next film. I’m honestly surprised there are even rumors the director is going to step away given what a miracle that budget seems to be.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (55/248): The Exorcist: Believer earns points for trying to take the franchise back to its terrifying roots, but a lack of new ideas — and scares — make this an inauspicious start to a planned new trilogy.
(Hmmmmmm, yeah you would think the beginning of a trilogy is the easy bit. It is the middle and (mostly) sticking the landing in the third that is the problem. Bodes poorly.)
Reviewer Highlight: [Green’s former] patience and sensitivity has now been sacrificed to the cannibalism of recycled ideas; and while I don’t begrudge him his success, I do miss the filmmaker he used to be. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times
(F. That is awful. Why is it sideways? Why does it appear to be a hastily cropped image from the film? Why is everything else about it boring?)
Tagline(s) – Body and the Blood. (D+)
(So just the thing they say in the trailer? It’s got a little flow to it (thus why it is in the movie) but otherwise I’m not sure what it’s up to. Can’t tell if I’m being a little harsh and it should be a C- or if it’s just bad.)
Keyword(s) – Year 2023
Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)
Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)
BMT: The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Haunted Mansion (2023), Fear (2023)
Best Options (2015-2023): 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)
(There was no way we were doing Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. As a matter of fact. That might be the last film we ever do for BMT as they pry it from our cold dead fingers.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ellen Burstyn is No. 10 billed in The Exorcist: Believer and No. 2 billed in The Wicker Man, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (10 + 2) + (6 + 1) = 19. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – On William Friedkin’s passing, writer and film critic Ed Whitfield posted this on Twitter(X) and Facebook : “William Friedkin once said to me, ‘Ed, the guy who made those new Halloween sequels is about to make one to my movie, The Exorcist (1973). That’s right, my signature film is about to be extended by the man who made Pineapple Express (2008). I don’t want to be around when that happens. But if there’s a spirit world, and I can come back, I plan to possess David Gordon Green and make his life a living hell.'” Friedkin actually died two months before the movie was released.
Ellen Burstyn had turned down reprising her role and was then offered double the salary. Burstyn thought, “I feel like the devil is asking my price.” She eventually accepted, using the salary to fund an MFA scholarship for actors at Pace University where the Actors Studio teaches the program. Burstyn is a lifelong member of the Actors Studio and a co-president.
Ellen Burstyn stated in an interview shortly before filming began that she accepted the offer to return solely for the money, which she donated to her charity.
Linda Blair, Regan in the original 1973 film, was an advisor on set to the actresses portraying the possessed girls in this film.
At the beginning of the movie, a small sculpted creature can be seen in Angela’s room. This is the same creature Regan drew with wings in the first movie (1973).
It’s not long ago that we would have been shocked to find ourselves doing a film like About my Father. Seems like a tiny film, something that could exist exclusively on some streaming service I don’t have access to. But I actually think it’s a great sign that something like this was released to 2400 theaters. Opportunity is all we need for BMT and maybe we’ll look back and think “the rock bottom for BMT was just around About my Father before things really turned around.” Interesting, too, that it’s paired with Head of the Family, as that has such an outsized place in my mind compared to its actual significance. This is one of a trilogy of films that play a major part in the lore of my favorite podcast, so its tenuous connection to the idea of “fatherhood” was enough for us. Now we just gotta think about the connections needed to snack on Castle Freak and Invisible Maniac.
To recap, hotelier Sebastian and artist Ellie are in loooooooove (oooooo, if you’re so in love then why don’t you marry her?). He’s planning on doing just that. A perfect opportunity comes in the form of an invite to the family’s big July 4th party in Virginia. Sebastian informs his father, Salvo (a proud Italian immigrant turned hair dresser), that he’ll be going this year for the holiday and Salvo insists that he join (otherwise no family ring for him). Ellie’s family is more than welcoming and off they jet to the exclusive community where the vacation home sits. Cultures are about the clash, though, as Salvo is pretty loud and in your face and Sebastian just wants him to calm down. Things are looking pretty good, though, when Ellie’s father (a mega rich hotelier himself) offers Sebastian management of their most prestigious D.C. hotel. One odd bit is that he sees that these hotels are decked out in Ellie’s art… seems like daddy has been spending the family fortune on propping up Ellie’s art career. Uh oh! He quietly accepts the offer and agrees to move from Chicago for the job. Meanwhile, Salvo continues to get in the wacky hijinks required by his contract as “kooky father.” He cooks up the family’s favorite peacock, gives the political matriarch of the family a horrible haircut (that goes viral in a good way), etc. etc. Ultimately, though, Ellie is hurt when she finds out about the art scandal and Salvo is hurt when he finds out they’re moving. Sebastian figures out that Ellie and his dad are what really matters and patches things up with them and agrees to stay in Chicago with the blessing of the whole family. THE END.
Despite a bunch of hacky gags (for example, Sebastian using a water hoverboard, losing his trunks, and then showing everyone his genitals… how can it be that it feels like I’ve seen that joke before?), I’m a bit of a sucker for a sweet family comedy like this. Nice ending, nice message, and Sebastian Maniscalco is pleasingly self-deprecating. So even though a multitude of things don’t work in the movie I think on the whole I didn’t mind this. It is very quick to the point and moves with purpose. I almost wish more stand-ups were forced to put their persona to the test with a 90 minute romantic/family comedy… see how it holds up to scrutiny. As for Head of the Family, I was surprised by how much I liked that film. Spoiler Alert: tons of nudity, but that’s not why I liked it. It was just good for a nice chuckle. All the characters are dumb or unpleasant so you can have a laugh at them all getting their comeuppance. What a surprising week for BMT.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Ellie and Sebastian are definitely ending up in D.C. He operates a boutique hotel, her art career is in the tank, his dad is elderly, and she is used to a certain lifestyle that includes pet peacocks and the like. When his dad passes away, they have a baby, and Lucky bombs at operating the big D.C. hotel then guess what is going to look pretty great? The brownstone in Georgetown and the opportunity to furnish a high end hotel with your art and a full time nanny and a vacation home. It’s just a matter of time. Hot Take Temperature: A balmy D.C. summer.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a Best Supporting Actor performance from De Niro in a bad comedy? I mean … I’m hearing whispers. Everyone is saying he could win Best Supporting Actor. I assume for this. Let’s go!
On a more serious note this is one of the best De Niro performances in a bad movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if it is because he’s so old, or because he’s energized by Killers of the Flower Moon, but he is effortlessly charming in this film and it is nothing like the odd grating performances you’d see in something like Little Fockers.
The main character is a bit of a nothing. I’m sure I would understand the movie better if I knew who he was or what his comedy specials are like.
I do like that the film isn’t about their families splitting the couple apart. The families are grating to them specifically, but the significant other likes their future in laws. That’s fun.
The two brothers are the worst though and in different ways. The main brother (played by one of the guys from Workaholics) doesn’t quite work because you are kind of supposed to buy he’s good at sports (tennis and golf specifically) and also that he isn’t the most annoying person in the world. He isn’t and he is respectively. The other brother is a caricature out of nowhere and adds nothing to the film besides being an opportunity to make fun of Millennials I think.
The peacock thing is absurd and derails the movie for no reason. Well … fine, the payoff of them clearly convincing the family that the dog killed the peacock was okay.
Our final friend of the cycle is Head of the Family. It’s a goddamned classic for a reason. Full Moon is an interesting company, but there is something just fun about the oddness and grossness and the way it is shot. The funniest thing is how proud people seem to be about it. The woman in it apparently showed it to her children with pride. She is naked all the time in the film. But yeah, it is hugely entertaining, the effects are fun, and I could watch a million of these. There is no wonder that Stuart from the Flophouse semi-seriously recommended it over and over on the podcast in the early days. A+.
The brother gets dangerously dangerously close to a modern Planchet (Who?) here by serving as a living, breathing, butt of jokes. Lots of Johnnie Walker for Product Placement (What?) throughout the film. A great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Virginia as the hot July 4th spot for conservatives from DC. And a Not So Secret Holiday Film (When?) for a true blue July 4th film. We got a MacGuffin (Why?) for the mythical ring the main character needs to pop the question. And finally a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that the parents have been buying the daughter’s art all along. The film is Good, but obviously it has a lot of good bad movie stuff to chew on throughout.
Read about the sequel I got planned in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh boy, so get this. I was chilling at my luxury golf and tennis club in Virginia when all of a sudden this lunatic smashed a tennis ball so hard into my nuts that I got a concussion (totally possible, look it up). Regardless, I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in About My Father?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Is this an easy one? What is De Niro’s job in the film? Hey, let’s kick it up a notch, what is the main character and his girlfriends as well.
2) Where do they live, where is the country club they are going for fourth of july, and where is the flagship hotel that is on offer as well?
3) Why, initially, is it indicated that the older brother wouldn’t be able to take over the flagship hotel instead of his soon-to-be brother-in-law?
4) What truly bizarre ritual does the main character and his father have before going to bed?
5) What scandal is revealed that almost completely sidetracks the main goal of the film which is, apparently, to propose to his girlfriend, something he could have done whenever but didn’t?
Bonus Question: Welp, obviously we need some craaaaazy happenings at the wedding. What happens?
Artorius Shellacticus it looking like Adonis. Toga? Flowing. Hair? Luxuriant. Nose? Aquiline. His summer had been spent lazing about his father’s Roman villa having a laugh at the particularly ribald farces he took in at the local amphitheater. His father had one word of advice for him as he navigates this crazy thing called life: “why don’t go to the gladiator pit?” And with that he swept his arm in the general direction of the gladiator pit and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (what’s a movie?) he ventures forth and soon finds himself peering over the edge of the pit at the battle-ready gladiators below. Suddenly he feels a couple local bullies grab him by the arms and toss him bodily into the pit. “You’re now a gladiator,” says one of the gladiators. Artorius is confused and insists that that can’t possibly be right. Unfortunately the stinging whip of the gladiator master disagrees with his analysis. Shortly thereafter he is cowering in fear as gladiators rip each other to shreds around him, much to the delight of the crowd. “What do I do? Think, Artorius, think!” But memories haven’t even been invented yet. As Artorius looks to the heavens waiting to feel a gladiator’s sword cleave his head from his body he’s surprised to see a shining face in the clouds. “Artorius,” the face says, “remember everything you’ve learned from the amphitheater, for it holds the key to your survival and the survival of your royal line. Never forget the power of… ART!”
Just then Jamie and Patrick snap out of their memory trance. Their father’s butler, Clifford, is staring them hard in the faces and they vaguely recognize that he just finished saying something. “Wha… what was that about our father?” That’s right! We are finishing up the Art cycle by partaking in a very father-centric BMT film, About My Father. This is an old school comedian driven comedy that also stars Robert De Niro. We are cleverly pairing that with the Full Moon Entertainment classic Head of the Family. Let’s go!
About My Father (2023) – BMeTric: 31.1; Notability: 24
StreetCreditReport.com –Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.3%; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Foe, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, Meg 2: The Trench, 65, Your Place or Mine; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, Dear David, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Exorcist: Believer, Foe, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, God Is a Bullet, Finestkind, Ghosted, Love Again, Meg 2: The Trench, Muzzle, and 14 more; Notes: Honestly the main issue we are facing with the 2023 cycle is how we manage to watch the fourth After film. It is an annual tradition. This year there is the added twist of them claiming they got a wide release when I’m 95% sure they did not.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – De Niro, bless his heart, is the engine that keeps this refurbished jalopy puttering along for 90 minutes. There are a couple of scenes that suggest the stronger, more fascinating movie that might’ve been: Salvo talking to his late wife while sitting on a bench by himself at night, only to be interrupted by Doug, and a scene between Salvo and Tigger where De Niro and the always fabulous Cattrall display natural flirty chemistry (even blowing cigar-smoke rings at each other). You may fantasize about what the film might have turned into if they’d decided to go down that path.
(I 100% agree with this review. I watched Killers of the Flower Moon and this quite close together weirdly. He is excellent in both. I don’t know if it is just his age or what, but De Niro exudes an effortlessness in his acting now that is very impressive. He can be De Niro, but still with looks and few words convey two drastically different characters. He’s by far the best part of the film.)
(Looks dumb. Although fun to see that De Niro still speaks Italian in movies. I think he learned it for The Godfather Part II.)
Directors – Laura Terruso – ( Known For: Work It; Gayby; Good Girls Get High; Fits and Starts; BMT: About My Father; Notes: … How haven’t I heard of any of these films? How odd. It legit seems like she wrote/directed extreme extreme indies previously and this was her first major gig maybe?)
Writers – Austen Earl – ( Notes: This guy I think is missing because besides this he hasn’t really written a feature. He created the show Happy Together and wrote on a bunch of other series as well though. He’s a staff writer on The Santa Claus show.)
Sebastian Maniscalco – ( BMT: About My Father; Notes: The star of the show! Famous enough to get a voice in The Super Mario Bros. Movie. He has a bunch of Netflix comedy specials, and this is the flier to see if that can translate to movies. Old school in that way.)
Actors – Robert De Niro – ( Known For: Killers of the Flower Moon; Goodfellas; Cop Land; Joker; Heat; The Godfather Part II; Taxi Driver; The Irishman; Casino; The Deer Hunter; A Bronx Tale; Silver Linings Playbook; Once Upon a Time in America; Stardust; Cape Fear; The Untouchables; American Hustle; Raging Bull; Sleepers; Mean Streets; Future BMT: Great Expectations; Shark Tale; Meet the Fockers; The Family; The War with Grandpa; Little Fockers; Hide and Seek; Arthur and the Invisibles; The Fan; Analyze That; The Comedian; 15 Minutes; Showtime; Stanley & Iris; BMT: Amsterdam; About My Father; Dirty Grandpa; New Year’s Eve; Killer Elite; The Big Wedding; Grudge Match; Righteous Kill; Godsend; Notes: Only our 9th De Niro? That’s surprising. Y’all know him. He might win the Oscar this year, he was incredible in Killers of the Flower Moon. We’ll see though.)
Sebastian Maniscalco – ( Known For: The Super Mario Bros. Movie; The Irishman; Green Book; Somewhere in Queens; Tag; Spinning Gold; Cruise; Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights – Hollywood to the Heartland; Just Like Us; Future BMT: The House; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: About My Father; Notes: As you can see he has a lot of bit parts, but in big films. I wonder if De Niro signed on because he was in The Irishman.)
Leslie Bibb – ( Known For: Iron Man; Trick ‘r Treat; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; The Babysitter; Iron Man 2; Tag; The Babysitter: Killer Queen; Flight 7500; To the Bone; The Midnight Meat Train; Private Parts; A Good Old Fashioned Orgy; Wristcutters: A Love Story; Running with the Devil; Sex and Death 101; The Inhabitant; Hell Baby; The Lost Husband; Meeting Evil; Take Care; Future BMT: Law Abiding Citizen; No Good Deed; See Spot Run; BMT: Movie 43; About My Father; Zookeeper; Confessions of a Shopaholic; The Skulls; Notes: She is one of those actors that I recognize, but I couldn’t tell you from where. Ah, found it, she was Meegan in The League, a show I watched several seasons of and which, like Entourage, has had a tough aging process I feel like.)
(Given the De Niro of it all I think this is tough. $30 and I could have believed he had a stew going, but $18 worldwide seems like a tough take.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (30/85): About My Father finds star/co-writer Sebastian Maniscalco drawing on his own life for material — and inadvertently proving that a funny standup routine doesn’t necessarily make for an entertaining film.
(Sounds about right. It does feel like a series of vignettes highlighting different standup routines from a special about going to the Hamptons.)
Reviewer Highlight: De Niro, bless his heart, gives the movie more than it gives him. – Matt Zoller Seitz, RogerEbert.com
(That’s the Canadian-ploitation version of the film. I like the font, but that’s about it. C-.)
Tagline(s) – This Memorial Day weekend, feathers will be ruffled. (C)
(Oh boy. This is a tagline that relies on you seeing the trailer of the film which heavily features De Niro murdering a peacock… so… I’m gonna say that’s not great. Not even short. But at least it’s trying something.)
Keyword(s) – daddio
Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 59.0 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.9 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.7 Speed Zone (1989), 41.7 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.4 Club Paradise (1986), 39.0 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 36.0 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.4 Spring Break (1983), 34.2 Father Hood (1993)
BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), About My Father (2023), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Kickboxer (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
Best Options (year2023): 31.1 About My Father (2023)
(Yeah I added anything with “father” in the title to work for this cycle, which is how we made the leap. Worked out well I think. I think quite a successful Bring a Friend cycle this year.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Robert De Niro is No. 2 billed in About My Father and No. 1 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Just like Sebastian Maniscalco’s character (also Sebastian), his father was a hair-dresser who immigrated from Italy at age 15.
The dish Salvo whips up is called Carciofo e Pavone, which literally translates to Artichoke and Peacock
When Sebastian and his father are burying the peacock, Sebastian remarks “you act like you’ve done this before.” An obvious nod to the scene from Goodfellas when Robert Deniro’s character buries Billy Batts.
Just like Sebastian Maniscalco’s character (also Sebastian), his father was born in Sicilia, Italy. His mother was Italian as well.
In Spain it was titled “Todo sobre mi padre” (all about my father), as a slight hint to the Pedro Almodóvar’s movie All About My Mother (1999).
At times Patrick and I have been fascinated by different aspects of the NY Times TV listings. One such interest was the HMS primetime block. HBO, MAX (Cinemax) and SHO (Showtime) would almost always show a film starting at 8pm. So you could get a surefire movie marathon by just looking at a random day. But September 1st, 1995 isn’t random (it’s when Clifford and Ski School played on TV together, obviously) and it almost hits a BMT Triple with Police Academy: Mission to Moscow on Cinemax, Getting Even with Dad on Showtime, and Black Rain on HBO. Black Rain is just a little too mediocre for our tastes. But that’s a tasty triple feature. It could have even hit a coveted Grand Slam as the Emilio Estevez stinker Wisdom was playing on basic cable at 8pm (in the NYC area). Oh how I’ve begged that we watch Wisdom for BMT. The film is the worst.
To recap, Martin is a successful architect ready to settle down with his GF Sarah. Unfortunately, he’s been too shortsighted to realize that Sarah wants kids and it’s a dealbreaker. In order to convince her of his seriousness about kids he takes his brother up on an offer to take care of his nephew, Clifford. Turns out Clifford is a sociopathic monster dead set on ruining the lives of anyone who stands in the way between him and his beloved Dinosaur World. It should all go swimmingly, especially since Martin also happens to have designed the premier ride at Dino World. But, uh oh! Martin’s boss has his eyes set on both Sarah and making Martin’s life hell. Bogged down with a boatload of work Martin has to break it to Clifford that they won’t make it to DW. Clifford? Unamused. Hijinks? Ensuing. First Clifford tries to run away. Then he ruins a big anniversary dinner for Sarah’s parents. He gets Martin arrested, tricks him into taking a train to SF, throws a big party in Martin’s house, and then convinces Sarah that Martin has been mistreating him. This all culminates in Clifford sabotaging Martin’s big presentation at work, which gets him fired. Driven insane, Martin takes Clifford to Dino World after hours and tortures him by forcing him to go on his favorite ride at increasingly dangerous speed. When the ride breaks, Martin realizes how wrong he’s been and saves Clifford. We are then told that ultimately, after much pleading, Martin forgave Clifford and let him be part of Sarah and his wedding. THE END.
We’ve been watching a lot of films from our youth recently (The Great Outdoors better watch out). I’m always curious to find out whether something I have fond memories of has curdled with time. I’d actually say that Clifford came out largely unscathed in the sense that as a kid I enjoyed Martin Short’s antics as a grown man pretending to be a little boy. As an adult I still think it’s an amusing visual gag. If you’re not in on that joke, though, then he’s super annoying, in your face 100% of the time, and it’s just the same joke over and over. But really the standout for me was something I didn’t appreciate at all as a kid: the final scene at Dino World. It’s amazing! They built a giant Dino roller coaster set and made some beautiful matte backdrops for the climax of the film and you have to give them credit for that. I guess I shouldn’t oversell the movie, which is admittedly mostly devoid of laughs, but given how brutal the reviews were I’d say that it’s better than a totally unfunny annoyance.
As for Ski School, buckle up… I loved this movie. It’s the kind of T&A comedy I’m here for. They are in on the joke. They try to be serious at times and then turn to the camera and say ‘nah’ and go right back to partying. How do they get in trouble? Partying. How do they cope with their fall from grace? Partying. How do they win the day? Partying. It’s just a beautiful piece of fluff. I could do without the intense gay panic scene, but… it was a different time. Overall, this is what the Bring a Friend category was made for. L-O-V-E-D I-T.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I didn’t mention much about the bookends of the film. It’s Clifford in 2050 telling the tale of his youth in order to convince a trouble maker to reform his ways and learn to apologize. My take? This is all bullshit. None of the film actually happened. The old priest or monk or whatever we see is indeed Clifford, but the story never happened. He was a good boy who grew up to be a good man who has one bad characteristic: he lies to little boys about his own life to convince them to be good. In fact, I bet Clifford 2 would open with the end of this film and then he’d turn around, find another kid, and make up some other bullshit. Hot Take Temperature: Hot Fiery Breath of Larry the Scary Rex.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Martin Short playing a 10-year-old and doing … no wait, I think that is the one joke in the entire film. Let’s go!
The reviews for this film are vicious. Ebert’s entire review is basically that he was in a theater full of critics and not one (other) person laughed. He apparently laughed once and then he thinks someone else laughed at him laughing once.
I don’t think it is quite so bad. The deconstruction of Grodin throughout the film as it slowly dawns on him that he’s dealing with a genuine 10-year-old sociopath sometimes enters the sublime, in particular the moment that he demands that Clifford look at him like “a real human boy” and is flabbergasted when he is unable to do it.
And the little moments where Clifford’s eyes go completely blank shows off what Short would eventually perfect as he went through Glick and other characters over the years.
The main issue (besides the film not actually being funny very often) is that they pick up and drop storylines so often that it is obvious that they edited this thing to pieces as Orion went under. You never see Clifford’s family again. They very rarely touch on Clifford being a genius (even though it is obvious that that is necessary for the story to make sense). There is no explanation of how Grodin got out of his bomb threat, or what happened to his job, or the amusement park. There is just an odd bookend which ultimately gives everyone a happy ending. You never see Grodin’s father-in-law again, even during the wedding scene, despite them making a big deal about him hating Grodin. And most egregiously, they never once mention the house Grodin bought in the beginning of the film … I suppose we are to believe he ultimately sold it?
If I were to attempt to “fix” a bit of the film, I would get rid of the bookends and instead open with something that shows how similar Grodin and Clifford are, something about them both working on something, but Grodin’s is the model he’s building, and Clifford’s is a giant model of Dinosaur World. At the end, after Grodin saves Clifford, I would then show him forgiving Clifford, and ultimately selling the house and marrying his girlfriend. I would end with a grown up Clifford voiceover saying he didn’t see his uncle much after that because they soon had a kid … and that he was even worse than him. Ultimately setting up the possibility of a sequel where Short plays Grodin’s now 10-year-old child who is (effectively) Clifford as well.
The movie as it stands is basically a bad-to-mediocre SNL movie. It is a sketch which you can imagine sustaining 2 minutes of a “comedic bad seed” premise as Clifford makes awkward comments and frustrates his father / uncle / guardian for a short time at a dinner / amusement park / museum. And then overstaying his welcome in the 5 or 6 sketches as they run out of ideas for places for Clifford to go. They then make a 90 minute movie which boils down to a single joke: Martin Short is a 10-year-old. That’s it, there isn’t much else to it, and the “sketch” is often not funny beyond this single simple premise.
Lucky for us we got to watch a genuinely amusing Friend this week in Ski School. Sure, there are problematic aspects to any film of the T&A Porky’s era. Some serious gay panic and non-serious female characters. But overall the film was fun and Dean Cameron was pretty incredible. One of the more amusing segments was the characters teaching everyone the Lambada (the Forbidden Dance!) which indeed, was a big deal in the late 80s when this was made, and a year later there would be not one, but two Lambada films (called Lambada and The Forbidden Dance, naturally). Would recommend to pair with the It’s Always Sunny episode (also starring Dean Cameron) where they go skiing, one of the best episodes of the series. A+, I would watch friends like these all day.
I kind of like the idea that there is Product Placement (What?) for Amtrak which allows Grodin to get to San Francisco toot sweet. Definitely Setting as a Character (Where?) for L.A. which gets a lot of play in the house he buys and also as a stopover on the way from Chicago to Hawaii. And I like the borderline MacGuffin (Why?) for Dinosaur World, which is Clifford’s motivation throughout the film. Closest to Bad unfortunately, it just doesn’t have enough jokes to really sustain itself.
Read about the Clifford sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was taking care of my 10-year-old nephew (who looks 40, long story), and it turns out he’s a psycho (clinically). He smashed my head in with a brick when I told him I had to postpone a trip we had planned. Now I can’t remember a thing (including our plans, he’s furious!). Do you remember what happened in Clifford?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film Clifford is an old old man in 2050 and trying to help a wayward youth (like he once was) to realize that being intelligent doesn’t mean you can manipulate people and get your way, that forgiveness is the way to earn the respect and love of those around you. Anyways, what crime did the little boy commit that he’s trying to help out?
2) Flashback to a story about Clifford as a 10-year-old. He’s on a plane with his awful parents just as it passes Dinosaur World (hooray!). Naturally Clifford causes an in-flight emergency that necessitates an emergency landing. Where was the plane headed though initially?
3) Well, lucky for Clifford’s parents his uncle is in town and (coincidentally) looking for a young boy to take care of to prove to his girlfriend that he is a family man. What is Martin’s job? What is his girlfriend’s job?
4) Clifford does four things to embarrass Martin at his future-father-in-law’s house in increasing aggravation. Name all four.
5) Naturally, once Clifford blows up Martin’s model, Martin goes insane and attempts to murder Clifford at Dinosaur World. What does Clifford do to ultimately earn the forgiveness of Martin?
Bonus: Question: At the end of the film old man Clifford walks away from the home for wayward youths a happy man … but oh ho, he gets a call. From whom?
Bad Movie Twins 