Category: Action

Red Scorpion Preview

“Gosh damn, she’s fast,” Jamie says, resting his hands on his knees while he huffs and puffs, trying to catch his breath. Every time he catches a glimmer of her she’s off again in a blur like some Glimmer Man. Patrick and Kyle catch up to him, also breathing hard. “Gosh damn, she’s fast,” they both say simultaneously. They immediately launch into a detailed explanation of Lesson #5, but about halfway through they can see Jamie’s eye’s have glazed over like the eyes of a doll designed to look like it’s not listening. Patrick grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him hard. “Oh sorry,” Jamie says, “I wasn’t listening.” Suddenly he gasps, realizing in that moment everything that Jamie and Kyle had been going on about. Samantha had been trying to tell him something important this whole time but he wasn’t listening. The reason why their love is beautiful, but is perhaps doomed. A beautiful doomed love that is unique like a beautiful doomed snowflake. “You have to listen to her. But first you have to find her,” Patrick says and implores Jamie to think hard about where she might be. It’s hard though because Jamie probably wasn’t listening when she told him. “She did tell me a couple times that the Wall of Lovers made her sad because… I don’t know, but it was important I think,” he suggests. “I know a shortcut,” Patrick says and they are off like a shot. As they come out of the forest they see Sam heading for the Wall. Suddenly she stops running and drops to the ground in pain and grief. “What happened?” Jamie asks her when he is able to reach her side, concern etched on his face. “Was it a scorpion? Did you get stung by some scorpion?” That’s right! We are (finally) watching Red Scorpion starring Dolph Lundgren. Controversial in a different way (it violated anti-apartheid laws in its filming), we can’t seem to stop touching the third rail in our film choices. As for the friend, it’s time. Time to watch what Elliott Kalan of The Flop House claims is the worst film of all time. Slow Bullet. Let’s go!

Red Scorpion (1988) – BMeTric: 44.4; Notability: 27

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.0%; Higher BMeT: Mac and Me, Caddyshack II, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Cocoon: The Return; Higher Notability: Big Top Pee-wee, Sunset, Action Jackson, Cocoon: The Return, High Spirits, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, The Couch Trip, Vibes, License to Drive, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Fright Night Part 2, Bad Dreams, For Keeps?, and 19 more; Lower RT: Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Johnny Be Good, Two Moon Junction, Watchers, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Fresh Horses, Illegally Yours, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Vibes, The Prince of Pennsylvania, Poltergeist III, The Seventh Sign, 976-EVIL; Notes: It is quite something that this played 34 times on television in the 90s. The sequel played 12 times (and has the confusing description of “a neo-Nazi businessman and his bald henchman” … what?), and our friend, Slow Bullet … well needless to say that never appeared on television … ever. We have seen 7 of the top ten BMeT films, with Johnny Be Good probably being the best next option.

New York Times – Chest Muscles in the Desert – Dolph Lundgren’s pectorals are the real stars of ”Red Scorpion,” an action-adventure movie set in the fictional African country of Mombaka. Filmed from below so that one has the sense of peering up at a massive kinetic sculpture, his glistening torso, which over the course of the film is subjected to assorted tortures, is the movie’s primary visual focus whenever the action slows down.  

(The vast vast vast majority of this review was about Lundgren’s chest muscles and complete lack of dialogue. They aren’t wrong though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFIAA9rSZpI/

(How is this not a straight to video film? It is insane that they actually tried to release this. Actually, strike that, read up on the production on this film and you’ll realize there was no way they weren’t going to release this film.)

Directors – Joseph Zito – ( Known For: The Prowler; Power Play; Bloodrage; Abduction; Future BMT: Missing in Action; Invasion U.S.A.; BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Red Scorpion; Notes: Wait … this guy also directed a Friday the 13th. We are on a role with that.)

Writers – Robert Abramoff and Jack Abramoff – ( Notes: I don’t really know where the info on these guys come from. Robert seems to be an actual producer, but never wrote anything but this.)

Arne Olsen – ( Known For: Distorted; Repeaters; Red Scorpion 2; Black Ice; Future BMT: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Cop & ½; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; BMT: Red Scorpion; Notes: Man we’ll have to do those kids films at some point. We watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in theaters.)

Joseph Zito – ( Notes: Was apparently originally interested in producing the classic never-made film Doctor Strange in the 80s.)

Actors – Dolph Lundgren – ( Known For: Aquaman; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed II; Hail, Caesar!; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Universal Soldier: Regeneration; The Punisher; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning; Showdown in Little Tokyo; Sly; Skin Trade; Small Apartments; Black Water; Joshua Tree; Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; In the Name of the King: Two Worlds; Don’t Kill It; One in the Chamber; Men of War; Future BMT: Rocky IV; A View to a Kill; Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom; Dark Angel; BMT: The Expendables 3; Universal Soldier; Johnny Mnemonic; The Expendables 4; Masters of the Universe; Red Scorpion; Notes: What the what? But … Rocky IV doesn’t qualify. <Checks notes> They removed a good review?! HOW FUCKING DARE THEY. Seems like we got a new bonus film coming up. Oh yeah, Lundgren was a Chemical Engineer and kickboxing champion and then he turned to acting. He can barely speak English in this film.)

M. Emmet Walsh – ( Known For: Blade Runner; Knives Out; Romeo + Juliet; The Iron Giant; A Time to Kill; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Raising Arizona; Serpico; Midnight Cowboy; Blood Simple; Youth in Revolt; The Jerk; Calvary; Fletch; Ordinary People; Big Stan; Slap Shot; Escape from the Planet of the Apes; Critters; Harry and the Hendersons; Future BMT: The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Snow Dogs; Racing Stripes; Missing in Action; Wildcats; Camp Nowhere; The Best of Times; Cops and Robbersons; Sunset; Panther; BMT: Wild Wild West; Christmas with the Kranks; Random Hearts; Red Scorpion; Chairman of the Board; Notes: Aw hell yeah. We are going to smash Camp Nowhere someday, I promise you that.)

Al White – ( Known For: Back to the Future Part II; Airplane!; Airplane II: The Sequel; Leprechaun 2; Black Moon Rising; Big Trouble; Liberty & Bash; Future BMT: Russkies; BMT: Red Scorpion; Notes: Apparently something of a poet. He was the father who tries to shoot Marty McFly in Back to the Future II.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $4,192,440 (Worldwide: $4,192,440)

(Unclear, but that is probably fine. I doubt this cost a million to make at the time. But also why was this even really released to theaters?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (2/12)

(I mean … the consensus is the same as the New York Times review: this film is really just about Lundgren’s big ol muscles.)

New York Times Description: Or, chest muscles in the African desert. Churning comic adventure. 

Poster – CBS’s Scorpion

(I honestly can’t tell if this is amazing or an incomprehensible mess… maybe both. What is happening in this poster. It looks like I made it. Incomplete.)

Tagline(s) – They think they control him. Think again… (C)

(I have to ding this for lack of originality despite having some flow. It could be used for any number of films… it could have been the tagline for Spawn. You know? In traditional tagline scoring that’s a problem. Needs to connect to the film at hand.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (Action): 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.7 Missing in Action (1984), 44.4 Red Scorpion (1989), …

(This is probably the best option. It seems like really there were just smaller bad ones left, the others (like Smokey and the Bandit) are really comedies or like sports movies.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dolph Lundgren is No. 1 billed in Red Scorpion and No. 4 billed in The Expendables 4, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The filmmakers used a real bushmen tribe and Regopstaan was their 95-year-old leader who only agreed to be in the movie if his tribe could follow him everywhere.

Dolph Lundgren performed some of the most dangerous stunts in his career, notably jumping from a moving motorcycle to a truck.

Original script had different opening scene than the film. It included Nikolai on a Spetznaz training exercise in snowy Moscow and it was supposed to be really big action sequence, but it was cut out of the script because of the budget and schedule reasons.

At one point, the cast and crew was left stuck in Johannesburg for three months while they waited for a new location to be found after they had prepped the production to be shot in Swaziland. The film was ultimately filmed in Namibia, which was then ruled by South Africa, thereby breaking an international boycott against the country for its practice of apartheid. Warner Bros., who had a negative pick up deal, pulled out from distribution.

Allegedly financed by the South African Defence Force through the International Freedom Foundation, a right-wing political think-tank which it funded. Red Scorpion (1988) co-writer/producer Jack Abramoff helped to run the foundation.

Assassins Recap

Jamie

I’m trying to think whether I would have said this story before… it’s possible. Let’s find out together. So back in the day there would have been occasional family trips to NYC. We’d see the sights and sounds and family. Have a frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. Have a fancy dinner we couldn’t have at home like French or Sushi. And usually we’d go see a movie. Because of the age ranges we would usually split. Older going to a more mature film and younger to sillier stuff. Assassins was one of those “for mature audiences only” choices that we didn’t get to go to. But I recall hearing about how someone shoots someone with a gun concealed in a cast. Which is how I always thought of the movie. People with broken arms shooting at people. Anyway, it’s pretty much impossible for us to know exactly what we got to partake in, but judging from what was out the best guess is The Big Green. Classic.

To recap, Assassins! Sly Stallone is our titular “hero.” He talks to his computer who tells him who to kill for cash money. He is starting to get all philosophical about it as a Stallone is wont to do, haunted by the memory of killing his mentor. But he can’t retire yet… because of the money. Anyway, on his latest job a young upstart hitman swoops in for the kill. Stallone’s like “boo,” and starts to chase this mysterious Bain. While doing this he is given a new job: kill Electra and retrieve a disc of data she stole. When he arrives at the location where Electra is selling the disc he finds that she (she?!) has set up an elaborate system to evade capture and that Bain is there. Before Bain can get to them Stallone makes a decision to spare her. He ends up trying to exchange the disc for even more money (given the presence of Bain at the same hit) and survives a second hit set up by his contact. This really peeves him off. He’s like “now even more money” and sets it up to be an exchange at the very Puerto Rican bank where he killed his mentor. Bain is sent to kill Stallone, but ultimately Stallone sets a trap and after a battle he wins. But wait, a twist! His mentor didn’t die after all! He was wearing a bulletproof vest when Stallone shot him! (What a twist!). He means to kill Stallone and Bain, but before he does they both shoot him for real this time. Then Bain tries to cross Stallone, but he’s like “nope” and kills him too. Victorious, Stallone and Electra smooch hard (probably, we don’t see that part). THE END.

This movie is dumb as rocks. Not to get too deep in the Banderas mythology, but it does feel like a precursor to Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. Exchange all sense of reality for total assassin nonsense. We have assassins rankings like it’s the tennis tour or something and Bain wants to take the top spot. What? Stallone is the best of all time and yet somehow his mentor wears a bulletproof vest and is able to survive a hit… didn’t want to double check that guy? But Megadumb also does often mean Megafun and there is quite a bit of fun to be had here. Basically none of it involves Stallone, who is full on in his Get Carter mumbly sad phase at this point. Sure the man has some muscles, but he also has a heart and it’s just not in killing people any more. Enough! You are an assassin. I want full on Banderas gif mode here. Banderas tears the scenery apart and it makes the movie. Thank god he was there or it would have been a tragedy.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Stallone simply is not the best assassin in the world. Just cannot be. First of all he doesn’t like doing it and as we all know, to be the best you gotta love it. You aren’t going to take the NBA by storm if you don’t have that fire. Stallone doesn’t anymore and would have been supplanted well before Bain showed up. Second, he let his mentor live. You shot him in the chest from a distance and just walked away? Didn’t care to shoot him in the head like the real top hitman would have? This is a dude who taught you everything. One of the best. Don’t want to maybe hang around and see the body? Just gonna presume he died and then be real sad about it for years? What is this amateur hour? Hot Take Temperature: Puerto Rico.

Patrick? 

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me looking at a computer with Assassins playing and then turning and biting my fist in pure satisfaction* Let’s go!

My god, there is nothing like a Stallone film for BMT. They are always so silly and hilarious. It really is too bad we are almost done with them. Like … I’m not joking. By early 2025 we’ll have watched 25 of his films and we’ll only have Ratchet & Clank left. There will be a Stallone Day in 2026 so I guess we’ll be watching Ratchet & Clank then … hopefully A Working Man will be out and terrible by then.

As Jamie said we have a weirdly long and stories history with this film. It was the film I wished we could have watched with out brothers. And then for years I never bothered by always kind of imagined what it must be about. The actual film is a lot different than I thought. I figured it was just two assassins sent after each other to kill each other and super action packed. It is definitely not the second.

The good? I like understated Sly, and Banderas is on one in this. Actually, you have to make up a new word to describe what he is in this film. It goes well beyond just being “on one”. It is hilarious, a bizarre, and crazy, and honestly I loved the performance even if I know it is actually like … bad acting. So the acting is the fun bit of the film for the most part.

The bad? Well, the story is nonsense. And the choice in directing is just on the wrong side of weird. Like it is weird to have the big climax set piece being Sly boring Antonio Banderes to death by just waiting around for hours and hours and hours doing nothing and trying to get him to fall asleep. That’s a nuts choice.

Luckily the whole film is saved by Banderas. The gif of him biting his fist and looking delightedly from his computer screen will live on in BMT lore. It might be the first film to make the BMT Hall of Fame on the power of a gif alone.

Oh didn’t I mention Julianne Moore … huh, yeah her bit was weird. What was this movie about again? Like a hacker hacked some stuff and then a bad guy sent some assassins after her and … the hacker thing was for money or something. I legit can’t remember. It genuinely is not at all important.

I do love the Setting as a Character (Where?) for the climax which takes place in the very distinct Old Town of Puerto Rico. And there is a genuine MacGuffin (Why?) for the hacker hard drive that everyone wants to get their hands on. And a definite Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that the guy Sly killed years ago never died and he was actually playing a 15 year long long con to get back and him or something. BMT through and through, but only because of Banderas, I’m going to make a Banderas Cut of this film which is just the Banderas scenes.

Learn all about famous Assassins I assume in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Assassins Quiz

Assssssasssssssins. Assssasssssins. I wonder if there is a famous assssssasssssin I should learn about. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Like a Rolling Stone (by The Rolling Stones) was on the soundtrack for Assassins. They had many hits over the years, but this 1968 song that hit number three on the Billboard Top 100 charts shares a name with a Whoopi Goldberg film. What is it?

2) They also play an opera from Puccini, in particular a song from Gianni Schicchi. His four most well-known operas are Tosca (1900), Madama Butterfly (1904), and Turandot (1924) and a 1986 opera that was later (roughly) adapted into a hugely successful Broadway musical. Name both.

3) Speaking of Assassins, there are many in the long history of the United States. Carl Weiss was the assassin of this Governor of Louisiana who was the templates for the character of Willie Stark in the book All the King’s Men. Name that political figure.

4) The film partially takes place in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico became U.S. territory in 1898 after the Spanish-American War. As part of the Treaty of Paris of 1898 Spain made Cuba a protectorate of the U.S., and ceded Puerto Rico and what two other territories?

5) Sylvester Stallone has been nominated for three Academy Awards in his long career (he didn’t win any of them). Name the movies and awards he was nominated for.

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: On October 12, 1996 Assassins played Primetime on HBO and was one of the highlighted programs of the New York Times listings. It would go head to head with this film on TMC (hint: It’s a western):

What is the film?

Answers

Assassins Preview

Jamie leaves the kitchen and gasps. Samantha is sitting at the dinner table and she’s beautiful. His hands would be shaking so hard that he would be worried he’d drop the first course of their 2003 Celtics themed dinner… that is if he were actually holding the platter. Patrick and Kyle each have one of their arms looped under Jamie’s armpits. It’s how they cooked the entire meal given just how love sick Jamie was. “You look beautiful,” Patrick whispers, crouching behind him, trying to guide him through the presentation. “You look… b…bountiful,” Jamie stammers and Samantha giggles. “Here is our first course,” Kyle whispers, but this time Jamie doesn’t even attempt to say the words. Kyle slowly reaches his hand around Jamie’s face and smears some peanut butter on his lips. While Jamie smacks and licks, trying to clear the delicious peanut buttery goodness away, Kyle quickly ventriloquizes “Here is our first course.” Just three additional applications of peanut butter later and they’ve finally complimented Samantha again and gotten the food on the table, not that Jamie will have any hope of enjoying it given that his appetite has now been ruined. “So tell me what this dish represents?” Samantha helpfully coaxes. “Ahem,” Jamie begins, finally on a subject he’s more comfortable with (as opposed to the most dangerous subject… love). “This is a PB&J sandwich. That’s the double headed dragon of Paul Pierce and Ricky ‘Buckets’ Davis combined with the shot that everyone is jelly of, Jiri Welsch’s Grape Jelly slamma jamma.” Samantha claps at his enthusiasm and even Patrick can’t help but smile a little. It was all absurd, but it appeared to be working. Jamie holds up his hand. He’s not finished. “I call it… the Assassins.” That’s right! We are finally watching one of the few missing pieces of the Sly Stallone puzzle that is our life. This one costars Antonio Banderas and we should be arrested for never having seen it. Let’s go!   

Assassins (1995) – BMeTric: 24.0; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.0%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, Man of the House, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Congo, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Money Train, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Steal Big Steal Little, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Top Dog, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, A Pyromaniac’s Love Story, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, It Takes Two, The Tie That Binds, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Four Rooms, The Scarlet Letter, Man of the House, Moonlight and Valentino, and 7 more; Notes: Played 30 times on television which is solid, and that Notability is quite good. Anyways, we’ve seen 12/20 for the top BMeT which is pretty solid. Is 1995 an incredible bad movie year? Seems like it.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Believe me, I know how to believe stuff when it happens in the movies. I believe bicycles can fly. I believe sharks can eat boats. I even believe pigs can talk. But I do not believe “Assassins,” because this movie is filled with such preposterous impossibilities that Forrest Gump could have improved it with a quick rewrite.

(What does the Forrest Gump thing mean? I guess he’s dumb and so even a dumb person could improve the script? Weird nonetheless.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCuD8Q_Y10Q/

(Assassins baby! Back in the day I remember my brothers went to see it and then came back describing the gun in the arm cast (which is near to the beginning of the film). I hate saddo Stallone though. Luckily Banderas is on one and salvages the film a bit.)

Directors – Richard Donner – ( Known For: The Goonies; Lethal Weapon; Lethal Weapon 2; Superman; Lethal Weapon 3; Lethal Weapon 4; The Omen; 16 Blocks; Maverick; Scrooged; Conspiracy Theory; Ladyhawke; Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut; Inside Moves; London Affair; Salt and Pepper; X-15; Future BMT: The Toy; Radio Flyer; BMT: Assassins; Timeline; Notes: He retired after 16 Blocks and died only a few years ago at 91. The Goonies and Superman are both in the National Film Registry.)

Writers – Lilly Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Apparently their script was effectively not used for this film and completely rewritten. They failed to get their names removed.)

Lana Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Their directing career appears to be mostly over after the back-to-back releases of Jupiter Ascending and the somewhat disappointing Matrix: Resurrections.)

Brian Helgeland – ( Known For: L.A. Confidential; Mystic River; Robin Hood; The Taking of Pelham 123; Legend; A Knight’s Tale; Payback; Green Zone; Conspiracy Theory; 42; Spenser Confidential; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; Blood Work; Finestkind; 976-EVIL; Highway to Hell; The Killer; 976-Evil II; Future BMT: Man on Fire; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; The Order; BMT: Assassins; The Postman; Notes: He won an Oscar for writing L.A. Confidential, and was nominated for another for Mystic River. Those were both after completely rewriting this film. Amazing.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky IV; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: Rocky V; Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; The Expendables 4; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Y’all know Sly. Incredible. We have plans to watch Rocky V this year and then Staying Alive early next year which means we’ll be only a Ratchet & Clank away from completing Sly’s BMT filmography … b-b-b-b-b-b-but what are we going to do about Stallone Day!)

Antonio Banderas – ( Known For: Shrek 2; Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Shrek the Third; Uncharted; Philadelphia; Shrek Forever After; Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny; The Mask of Zorro; Desperado; Puss in Boots; Puss in Boots: The Last Wish; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; The Skin I Live In; Spy Kids; Four Rooms; Ruby Sparks; Frida; Haywire; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: The Legend of Zorro; Machete Kills; Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Life Itself; Play It to the Bone; BMT: The Expendables 3; The 13th Warrior; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Assassins; Dolittle; Original Sin; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Pain and Glory in 2020. I just finished watching all of the Shrek films (and the spin-offs) … animated franchises are wild man. They really are kind of nothing. The second Puss in Boots being the best movie of the bunch was a surprise though, it at least has interesting animation.)

Julianne Moore – ( Known For: The Big Lebowski; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Children of Men; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Magnolia; The Fugitive; Boogie Nights; Non-Stop; Don Jon; Carrie; Still Alice; The Hours; Evolution; The Kids Are All Right; A Single Man; The Woman in the Window; Chloe; Future BMT: Hannibal; Eagle Eye; Next; The Forgotten; Suburbicon; Laws of Attraction; Dear Evan Hansen; Freedomland; Roommates; The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag; BMT: Assassins; Seventh Son; Nine Months; Body of Evidence; The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars (Boogie Nights, The End of the Affair, The Hours, Far From Heaven, and finally winning for Still Alice). I cannot believe how many more films we have for BMT for her … she does do some weird stuff (like Assassins).)

Budget/Gross – $50,000,000 / Domestic: $30,303,072 (Worldwide: $30,303,072)

(Disastrous naturally. Sly really was struggling to transition to his late career at this point. He really should have started writing again at this point and probably looking to direct a young actor or something. Instead he made Driven.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (8/49)

(Nice I get to think through a consensus. Donner fails to provide any action to what appears to be a more contemplative actioner in the Sly oeuvre. That does seem to be the main complaint, just too much dead air.)

Reviewer Highlight: A not-much-fun high-tech actioner. – Jonathan Taylor, Variety

Poster – Sklogsassins

(I find the inclusion of the brick and concrete walls to be so insane that I love it. A+++++ that’s really like a C-. The font is horrible.)

Tagline(s) – In the shadows of life, In the business of death, One man found a reason to live… (D)

(This is so amazing that you would think I would have written it as a joke. It’s like a perfect: this is what a tagline is, right? Kind of tagline. Like gotta have those three things. Life. Death. Uh… Life. Can I make this any longer? YOLO.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Armageddon (1998), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (Action): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 51.5 Kull the Conqueror (1997), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …, 24.0 Assassins (1995), ….

(I’m stunned at how low that BMeTric is. But then again, I guess people love Sly? Spawn is the obvious one we could have done. Spoiler: We’re still going to do it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Assassins and No. 2 billed in The Expendables 4, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – During production, Brian Helgeland was brought in to rewrite the script. The Wachowskis, unsatisfied with the rewrites, petitioned to have their names removed from the credits, but were denied this request by the WGA.

Sylvester Stallone’s paycheck was $15 million.

When Miguel Bain is arrested by the police after the cemetery shoot-out and being driven in the back of a police car, as the cops are inspecting his weapons he says “Cuidado con las armas, que las carga el diablo”. This roughly translates to: “Be careful with the guns, they were loaded by the devil”.

Electra’s cat seen in the film is a Maine Coon. The same cat appears in the film The Specialist (1994), also starring Sylvester Stallone.

Richard Donner claims the film would have worked better if he swapped Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Collateral Damage Recap

Jamie

Cooooohh-llateral. I can’t help but say it that way in my head whenever I think about this movie (which is often). The reason is a bit funny. One of our brothers was in college and we were talking with him on the phone and he said that he was going to do a double feature at the movies (maybe it was bad weather… or maybe he was hungover… or maybe none of this memory is accurate). As I recall he was rubbing his hands together contemplating the beauty of a Rollerball-Collateral Damage back-to-back-jack afternoon. Anyway, when he described this delectable treat he continually extended the Coooooooohh in Collateral Damage. Again, I can’t recall how accurate this might be. But does it matter? Fake, real, it all ends in Cooooohhhhhhh-llateral.

To recap, Gordy is a firefighter just loving life and loving his family. Nothing could go wrong in his perfect life, right? Wrong. That’s because El Lobo (The Wolf for all those that don’t habla espanol) strikes LA and Gordy’s wife and child are caught in the blast (eeesh). The police are like “cool it” but Gordy will not cool it. He’s not cool AT ALL and travels to Colombia to get El Lobo. A CIA agent, Brandt, is also not cool AT ALL and before the government can pull operations he sets up a big raid to try to take down El Lobo as well. When Gordy arrives in Colombia he is immediately arrested like a dope, but not before saving a little boy from an accident. I’m sure that won’t be relevant. He is then able to escape prison and uses a fellow prisoner to get a fake work pass for one of El Lobo’s facilities. He goes there, rigs up a bunch of bombs, and blows it sky high. Unfortunately he is captured and it looks like he’s going to be killed until the mother of the kid he saved stops El Lobo from killing him (wow, how convenient). He is held prisoner by the group, but when Brandt stages a raid on the compound he is able to escape with the woman and the child. They all travel back to the US to try to stop the next attack on DC. The woman helps them track the terrorists and foil the plan, but in the process Gordy realizes it’s all a ruse and foils the real plan. He goes after the woman who turns out to be the real El Lobo (what a twist!) and a battle ensues. After some sweet ax combat and explosions and shit Gordy, who is honestly built like Mr. Universe or something, is able to foil the last plan (I promise). Ultimately everyone is pretty happy that Gordy saved the day and they reward him with custody of that small child he’s been toting across the globe. THE END.

There is always a temptation to be like “boy they should go back to how things were done in the 90’s and make good action flicks again.” The argument has merit, but sometimes you gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sometimes when you do that you end up making Collateral Damage which should be titled Collateral Boring, am I right? For all the explosions and junk the whole venture is quite dull. I’m really not even sure what would zazz it up a bit… maybe Rob Schneider? It’s difficult to say. Probably they just needed someone younger and hungrier to take on the script. When an action star ages, there is the temptation to go full contemplative. That they hate the violence and the life that their big muscles have forced them into. They mumble about how sad it all is that they have to shoot and punch all these people. Sly Stallone does this contemplative turn the best in things like Get Carter, but we have it here too with Arnold. You know what? I think a really bonkers bad guy would have done this wonders. That’s my solution. Because I just wasn’t that entertained.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m going to say it… Gordy would simply not be awarded that child in the end. That is a small child who has been brought from Colombia. He is a Colombian citizen. You don’t get custody of a kid by calling dibs. Also, Gordy just demonstrated some crazy risky behavior. I’m not sure throwing everything away to accomplish several extrajudicial bombings on foreign soil demonstrates the stable and nurturing atmosphere that this child needs. ALSO, this is the child of the people responsible for killing his wife and kid… no one seeing an issue with that? We’re all cool with that home situation? Hot Take Temperature: Exploding Toy Dinosaur.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Hmmm Extreme Damage? Nah … Explosive Damage? Naw … Collateral Damage?! That’s it. Let’s go!

Top line: In a way this is an okay movie stuck in the wrong time. The bad guy espousing the inability for the American people to understand the struggle of a people in the context of a global struggle to survive … released a year after 9/11. This is entirely by accident, but does come across as completely tone deaf.

What I remember about this film from the time it came out was that it was the last major Arnold release of the time. He would become Governor of California the next year and his career would be on hiatus during that time (obviously). I also remember the trailer and making fun of it because it seemed very silly … but then I also remember being excited for a new Arnold film as a teenager and then it came out and sucked and bombed. So there we go.

Arnold is his usual self with barely any acting chops, but somehow the film comes across as dour and he is a sad dad Arnold dad and ends up lacking his usual charm.

The twist at the end is pretty nutso. They inexplicably bring the wife of the terrorist to the U.S. where it turns out she is the actual mastermind and has infiltrated the counter terrorism headquarters and almost blows everyone to smithereens? That would be one boneheaded move by Arnold if he hadn’t also saved the day.

Bottom line: This movie mostly sucks. The action sucks, the acting sucks, and the premise sucks … and yet. For mindless action it is pretty hard to screw things up so badly you don’t at least appreciate the beginning and ending set pieces. If only they could have figured out something to do in the middle …

And no, wandering around Colombia shopping for Colombian orphans doesn’t count. And I know he wasn’t an orphan … yet. He was once Arnold killed his ‘rents though. Problem solved.

A solid South American Setting as a Character (Where?) for the dystopian vision of Colombia. I don’t think I’ll throw a MacGuffin in for the generic revenge angle at all. But definitely a Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that Selena is in on it and trying to blow up the State Department. I think this movie is Bad in the end, I don’t think I would recommend it as an action film and it isn’t entertaining enough as an action film or an Arnold film to work.

I’ll leave it short. Check out the television spin off series in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Collateral Damage Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was meeting my wife and child in a cafe when BOOM there was a totally big explosion. Lucky for me my wife hates my guts, so they blew me off anyways and is totally safe and sound. Unlucky for me, the blast gave me an absolutely massive concussion, and I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Collateral Damage?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) When Gordon Brewer goes to see his wife and child at a restaurant he meets El Lobo face-to-face. What disguise is El Lobo wearing?

2) Well, now Gordon really needs to get at El Lobo, who has killed his fambly. Where is El Lobo, what country?

3) Once Gordon gets there though he is immediately captured. He talked with Sean Armstrong, a Canadian national who works among the rebels. Gordon convinces Sean to give him a work permit so he can go behind enemy lines acting as a what?

4) Once back in the States Gordon is helping the CIA and FBI to foil the next major attack by El Lobo. Where do they think he is going to attack, and where is he going to attack really?

5) What form does the bomb intended to blow up the target take?

Bonus Question: Just as I’m leaving the showing of Collateral Damage I get a frantic phone call from my agent. What does he want?

Answers

Collateral Damage Preview

Lesson #3 is pretty simple as far as Patrick is concerned: there’s nothing that a nice cologne can’t mask, including the stench left over from their comments about Scott Bakula’s funeral mishap. So where better to start than his favorite cologne shop in grand Paris. He greets the owner, Pierre, warmly and asks what big time celeb he might have made smell great recently. “A perfumer never sprays and brays,” he says and Patrick smiles, secretly stewing that he didn’t come up with that himself. “So this is the man of the hour,” Pierre continues, looking at Jamie. “I feel like I have just the scent for…” but before he can finish something has caught Jamie’s eye. “Ooo, this one is Wild Hog Musk,” Jamie says, bending down to read the label closer, “guaranteed to bring the wild hogs running.” He notes to Patrick how funny it is that “wild hogs” isn’t capitalized in the tagline, but if he gets to smell like Tim Allen then sign him up. Pierre’s eyes widen as he realizes the common and understandable mistake that Jamie has made. Before he can stop him, though, the damage is done… literally. With one whiff of the wild hog musk the store is soon overrun with horrifyingly large hogs, all of which have only one thing on their mind: Jamie’s bodacious bod and its lovely hoggy musk. Hours later, after fending off the last of the hogs, Pierre looks around his store sadly. “This is, of course, the risk you take carrying such things in the store,” he says, “the collateral damage for me is my store. For you, though, it’s just your time,” and with that he taps a sign that explains that any musk mistakes must be paid back in time spent working for Pierre. That’s right! The collateral damage of watching Collateral Damage starring Arnold Schwarzeneggar is also just our time. Sigh. Let’s go!

Collateral Damage (2002) – BMeTric: 50.1; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.9%; Higher BMeT: Crossroads, Halloween: Resurrection, Rollerball, The Master of Disguise, Feardotcom, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Half Past Dead, Boat Trip, Derailed, The Sweetest Thing, Scooby-Doo, They, Full Frontal, The Truth About Charlie, Queen of the Damned, Vampires: Los Muertos, Swimfan, Snow Dogs, Maid in Manhattan, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Men in Black II, Scooby-Doo, The Time Machine, Star Trek: Nemesis; Lower RT: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Killing Me Softly, Derailed, Try Seventeen, Hard Cash, The Master of Disguise, Deuces Wild, Feardotcom, Rollerball, Half Past Dead, Serving Sara, Darkness, New Best Friend, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Boat Trip, The New Guy, Dragonfly, Stealing Harvard, Juwanna Mann, Halloween: Resurrection, and 19 more; Notes: I love that gaudy Notability. We still have three of those to go. Then 11/20 for BMeT, although the top 8 we’ve done. What is that, like 50 films with sub-20% in 2002. Sigh.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Collateral Damage” is a relic from an earlier (if not kinder and gentler) time, a movie about terrorism made before terrorists became the subject of our national discourse. “You Americans are so naive,” says the movie’s terrorist villain. “You see a peasant with a gun, you change the channel. But you never ask why a peasant needs a gun.” Well, we still don’t wonder why the peasant needs the gun (we think we should have the gun), but we’re not so naive anymore.

(Interesting. Quite a high rating for what is kind of the movie that marked the end of Arnold’s action career. And yeah, the proximity to 9/11 was a very specific issue with this film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YywOMlbqLPo/

(Looks pretty rad if I’m being honest … unfortunately I don’t think this trailer is being entirely honest. It makes it seems like he’s going to go and chase down this guy and blow up and village and junk and kill him. WRONG. That isn’t the plot of this film. The plot of this film is unfortunately more boring. This trailer is pretty good though, I would watch that movie if it existed.)

Directors – Andrew Davis – ( Known For: The Fugitive; Holes; Under Siege; A Perfect Murder; Above the Law; The Package; Code of Silence; The Final Terror; Stony Island; Future BMT: Chain Reaction; Steal Big Steal Little; BMT: The Guardian; Collateral Damage; Notes: He has two upcoming projects … something tells me that given his last film was 2006 that is incorrect. Wrote a little movie called Steal Big Steal Little featuring Andy Garcia playing twin brothers.)

Writers – Ronald Roose – ( Known For: The Hessen Conspiracy; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Do yourself a favor and go look at the poster for The Hessen Conspiracy. Just … one word: Billy Zane.)

David Griffiths – ( Known For: The Portrait; Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: He was a VP at Goldman Sachs and was a founder of a software company. It seems that he then went back to UCLA with his brother to become a screenwriter.)

Peter Griffiths – ( Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: I think he retired because David now writes by himself.)

Actors – Arnold Schwarzenegger – ( Known For: Terminator 2: Judgment Day; The Terminator; Predator; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; The Expendables; Total Recall; The Expendables 2; True Lies; Escape Plan; Terminator: Dark Fate; Commando; The Running Man; Last Action Hero; Kindergarten Cop; Conan the Barbarian; The Last Stand; The Rundown; Twins; The 6th Day; Red Heat; Future BMT: Terminator Genisys; End of Days; Junior; BMT: Batman & Robin; The Expendables 3; Eraser; Jingle All the Way; Around the World in 80 Days; Conan the Destroyer; Collateral Damage; Sabotage; Red Sonja; Raw Deal; Notes: Won an Emmy for producing a documentary. Was governor of California from 2004 to 2011. This is our 10th Arnold film, only three more to go as well.)

John Leguizamo – ( Known For: John Wick; Ice Age; John Wick: Chapter 2; The Menu; Die Hard 2; Moulin Rouge!; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Encanto; The Lincoln Lawyer; Romeo + Juliet; Carlito’s Way; Chef; Doctor Dolittle; Land of the Dead; Violent Night; American Ultra; Assault on Precinct 13; The Infiltrator; Sisters; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Counselor; Ice Age: Collision Course; Spawn; The Fan; Out for Justice; Love in the Time of Cholera; Revenge; Miracle at St. Anna; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Playing with Fire; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; The Pest; Empire; The Honeymooners; Whispers in the Dark; BMT: The Happening; Gamer; Ride Along; Repo Men; Righteous Kill; Collateral Damage; Super Mario Bros.; One for the Money; Notes: Leguizamo has been in 25 BMT films, my god. Won an Emmy for a comedy special, and nominated twice for supporting acting. I didn’t realize he was Bruno in Encanto, that’s interesting.)

Francesca Neri – ( Known For: Live Flesh; Captain America; The Ages of Lulu; The Rich, the Pauper and the Butler; Pensavo fosse amore… invece era un calesse; Una famiglia perfetta; Giovanna’s Father; Outrage; Al lupo al lupo; Ginostra; Sud; Flight of the Innocent; A Dinner for Them to Meet; Il siero della vanità; A Second Childhood; Il cielo è sempre più blu; Io amo Andrea; Ivo il tardivo; La mia generazione; La felicità non costa niente; Future BMT: Hannibal; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Italian and indeed, she mostly has acted in Italy, even after breaking into American films … oh and yeah, that Captain America is the shit one from 1990.)

Budget/Gross – $85,000,000 / Domestic: $40,077,257 (Worldwide: $78,382,433)

(That … yeah, that’s terrible, but it isn’t really totally its fault. I was supposed to come out on like literally 9/11, so it was pushed to 2002 and I don’t think people had the appetite for it at that point.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (27/142): Despite its timely subject matter, Collateral Damage is an unexceptional and formulaic action thriller.

(Timely was kind of the problem lol. People didn’t want to fret over whether Arnold was going to stop the terrorists from [checks notes] … blowing up a building. Great.)

Reviewer Highlight: An exhausted rehash of Mr. Schwarzenegger breaking through red tape to struggle against his nemesis of the moment. – Elvis Mitchell, New York Times

Poster – Cooooooohhhhhllateral

(a.k.a. Explosion Face. The only thing I can really say that is good about this is that it’s got a warm glow to it because of all the fire on the poster… just so much fire. That font makes me sad. C-)

Tagline(s) – Nothing is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose (D)

(Is it over yet? That’s boring. That’s long. That’s boring and long. Think to yourself just how many movies that could be the tagline for.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), The Island (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Action): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 68.9 Crossover (2006), 67.6 Thunderbirds (2004), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 63.8 Underdog (2007), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 60.3 Biker Boyz (2003), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 50.9 The Core (2003), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007), 50.1 Collateral Damage (2002), …

(Hey, 50+ that’s something. This is a true huge blockbuster action though, we couldn’t pass it up. I think Crossover is pretty intriguing, as is Biker Boyz. Those would have been the others I would be interested in. I’ve seen the Core a number of times, so we’ll eventually do that, but it isn’t pressing.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Arnold Schwarzenegger is No. 1 billed in Collateral Damage and No. 5 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 5) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The movie was supposed to include the famous Colombian actress Sofía Vergara, who played an airplane hijacker. But after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack, the scene where Vergara would hijack a plane was scratched from the movie. Moreover, scenes which might be considered unpatriotic have been excluded.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is never shown firing a gun on screen.

The film was originally scheduled to be released on October 5, 2001, but it was postponed due to its terrorism theme and eventually released on Friday, February 8, 2002.

After the terrorist attacks on the USA of 11 September 2001, Warner Bros. pulled all advertising of the film which had included a mock newspaper clipping alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger’s face featuring the word “bombing” and the tagline “What would you do if you lost everything?” and its Collateral Damage (2002) movie website that had included a game called “Hunting for the Wolf”. When the film was finally released in 2002, the film’s poster was revamped with shot of an explosion due to the U.S. subsequent invasion of Afghanistan in the background of Arnold’s face in the foreground and the film’s original tagline missing. The website was completely revamped with nothing but production stills, bios, the film’s synopsis, and cast and crew material. The games and other material that had been on the original version of the website were completely eliminated.

In an interview on Howard Stern in 2014, actor Bill Hader admits to being Arnold Schwarzenegger’s production assistant (PA) on Collateral Damage, although he was uncredited in the film.

Taken 2 Recap

Jamie

It should come as no surprise that when confronted with back-to-back bonus weeks involving the Dumb and Dumber franchise and the Taken franchise that we chose to double up on D&D and save Taken 3 for another time. As Jack from Lost would say, “We have to go back.” Mild spoiler here, but what a mistake! Not that Taken 2 is such an amazing BMT film that adding Taken 3 to the mix would have elevated the art of bad movie watching to new heights. And not that the Dumb and Dumber franchise was such a swing and miss from a BMT perspective. It’s more that after watching Taken 2 I thought to myself “ah yes, there is an obvious conclusion to this cohesive and yet diminishing tale. Let me take a look at the Wikipedia page and confirm.” At that point, once I read the barest details about Taken 3’s plot, my eyes bugged out of my head like a cartoon. It sounds totally insane and not at all what I expected. But that’s a tale for another day.

To recap, Taken in back, Jack! And boy does Bryan have a particular set of skills. Those skills? Being a great dad, awwww. His ex-wife Lennie is having trouble with her new husband, his daughter has a new boyfriend, and she’s trying to get her driver’s license. So everyone is vibing and Bryan invites them to Istanbul to get their groove back. Meanwhile an Albanian mobster rues the fact that Bryan killed his whole family so he decides to kill him in exchange. Back to Istanbul where Bryan is showing Kim around and explaining how he learned so much about the city from a book… so that’s his particular set of skills: reading. Ultimately, he and Lennie are captured while out at a bazaar, but Kim is able to hide with the help of her dad. Bryan tracks where he’s going and ends up being able to call Kim. He helps her very accurately find out where he is hidden and when she finds the location he has her drop a gun down to him. With that he is able to escape and save Kim, but Lennie is taken away to a different location. Bryan and Kim drive to the US Embassy where Kim is hidden away before Bryan uses his super reading brain to retrace his steps and find the mobster’s HQ. He kills everyone and when confronting the Big Bad he gives the guy a choice: leave them alone and live or don’t and die. The guy decides to not leave him alone and so Bryan kills him. This seems to be no problem for anyone and he heads on back home where Kim gets her license and they all meet her boyfriend over milkshakes while Lennie’s new husband is probably somewhere being sad. THE END.

Hahaha! Taken 2! And apparently this isn’t as crazy as it gets! The film starts exactly like you would expect. It’s perfect. Albanian thugs descend on Turkey and take his whole family hostage this time. I’m on board. More Taken, please (says Franchise Man). But once our boy Bryan is taken and Kim is left to pinpoint his location and save the day we descend close to a parody. Patrick took a screenshot of how Kim is meant to have pinpointed his location and it’s so wrong that you can’t help but laugh. Then when Bryan has to track down his wife at the mobster’s HQ it’s like you are watching an episode of The Mentalist or something where he uses his super brain and reading skillz to retrace his way through the streets of Istanbul. It’s absurd. So absurd that I assumed the third film also qualified for BMT because it is more of the same… from what I gather I’m so, so wrong. So I guess I’ll say that I enjoyed the absurd moments that this gave me. The rest was just a fine Taken movie. I wish it were more absurd, but that’ll have to wait for the next one.

Hot Take Clam Bake! So in the beginning of the film you see Bryan cleaning his car at the carwash. The attendant is like “yo, we can do that,” but Bryan knows exactly how he likes his car. Why? Cause HE IS THE CAR WASH ATTENDANT. That’s right, the Taken series is just the delusions of a saddo. His ex-wife is living it up with her rich husband. He never sees his daughter. So he dreams… dreams of his daughter appreciating his help prepping for the driver’s test. Dreams of racing to the embassy to save his daughter. Dreams of retracing the steps he remembers from when the baddies drove him to their HQ. Notice a theme? Cars. All involve cars. Why? Because he’s a car wash attendant and this is just a dream. Each car we see is a car he is washing in that moment. Hot Take Temperature: Hot Wax.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Liam Neeson pre-bad knees running around Turkey hoping Maggie Grace can follow complex directions? Let’s go!

Hey, c’mon. You are lying yourself if you don’t think this is at least entertaining. It knows what it is (dumb) and it plays into it perfectly. It is a fine follow up to a film which is, in reality, not particularly good and has probably aged poorly (even from a purely action perspective).

The film is pretty nonsensical as well, with some great unintentional hilarity (all surrounding the purportedly what? 16 year old Maggie Grace? She was 29 at the time). Just look at this fucking picture:

… Maggie Grace is supposed to be drawing a 3km circle, so she measures out 3km with a string, and then attaches it to the top of the pen(?) and draws a circle that is way too small. It is hard to tell whether they end up lampshading this a bit as well since Neeson maybe even says that the circle is too small. No worries, she’s just going to lob a few grenades into downtown Istanbul and he’ll figure out where he is that way.

Let’s see. There is also a whole odd aside in which Neeson is friends with a bunch of other security experts who help him out by calling the Turkish authorities and get them … to let him go wandering around Istanbul to kill people after he crashed a car into the US Embassy? Fat fucking chance.

So you see, this movie is super dumb. But the action is at times good, and I also think there was a potential for a redeeming finale to the trilogy. Part 1: They take the wrong guy’s daughter and he goes and kills them. Part 2: The wider syndicate underestimates him again while trying to get revenge. Part 3: Man realizes the syndicate will never stop trying to hurt his family and takes the fight to them in Albania?

Apparently that isn’t what the third is about (by a long shot) which I have to assume is because the second was so poorly received they tried to tack out of the original idea and just made things worse.

Very much a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Turkey which is where the bulk of the film is set (not Albania, a boy can dream). I think that is it honestly, there isn’t even a twist. The movie is closest to Good and is arguably so depending on how you feel.

Read about my sequel to Taken in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Taken 2 Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was giving my daughter some directions to throw grenades around a metropolitan area when one got a bit too close to my head and exploded giving me a concussion. Now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Taken 2?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning of the film Bryan if off to see his daughter in sunny Los Angeles for a driving lesson. But where is Jamie and how does Bryan find her so quickly?

2) Meanwhile the eeeeeevil Albanians (relatively of those killed in the first film) are back for vengeance. They have a two step process for figuring out that Bryan is currently on a job in Instanbul. How do they get the two pieces of information (who he is and where he is)?

3) How does Bryan escape?

4) Where do they head after the escape?

5) And then the coup de grace, how does Bryan find his ex-wife?

Bonus Question: I just finished up detailing my car when my new agent Logan calls me. What does he want?

Answers

Taken 2 Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the creaky stairs leading to the basement of the jail. It had been three months since they were convicted of Decapitation and Accessory to Decapitation and Jamie and Patrick were still rueing that unlucky gust of wind that resulted in the accidental removal of the unfortunate head. However, they also had to admit that perhaps something good would come out of their stint in the clink after all… friendship. They met Kyle when all three of them volunteered for dishwashing duty and soon they were known around the prison as The Triple Threats. Sure, Kyle had what appeared to be an unhealthy obsession with mannequins, but other than that they had come to trust him with their lives. So when they were offered the opportunity to clean out the prison basement in exchange for some extra spoons they jumped at the chance. Nothing could go wrong when the Triple Threats were together! But now facing the darkened stairway they wondered why it was that the room seemed to get ten degrees colder when the job was announced? Or why their arch rivals, The Three Amigos, didn’t fight them for the opportunity to get the precious spoons? Soon after they began to hear whispers about the Big BM and now they wondered whether those whispers were going to come back and haunt them. “I’m sure it’s fine,” Patrick says, taking a step down the stairs. “Yeah,” Jamie says, joining him on the top step. But before Kyle can make a crowd, a horrific bat-rat monster leaps from the darkness and drags them both into the basement. “Oh no!” Kyle yells in horror. “They’ve both been taken by the Big Basement Monster. Not just Jamie was taken! Patrick was taken, too!” That’s right! We are watching the sequel to the smash hit and franchise starter, Taken. The real prize at the end of all this is Taken 3, but you gotta start somewhere and not every week can be a backbreaking bonus week. So just Taken 2 on our plate… for now. Let’s go!

Taken 2 (2012) – BMeTric: 27.9; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 21.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Piranha 3DD, The Devil Inside, LOL, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, Paranormal Activity 4, The Apparition, Smiley, ATM, Chernobyl Diaries, The Cold Light of Day, The ABCs of Death, Dark Tide, So Undercover, Red Dawn, Soldiers of Fortune, Alex Cross, Lay the Favorite, 2016: Obama’s America, About Cherry, One for the Money, and 34 more; Higher Notability: Battleship, Dark Shadows, Ice Age: Continental Drift, This Means War, Total Recall, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Wrath of the Titans, Red Dawn, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The ABCs of Death, Escape from Planet Earth, Underworld: Awakening, That’s My Boy, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, The Guilt Trip, The Watch, A Thousand Words, Man on a Ledge, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, The Vow, and 21 more; Lower RT: A Thousand Words, Dark Tide, One for the Money, The Apparition, The Cold Light of Day, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, Playing for Keeps, The Devil Inside, So Undercover, Fire with Fire, The Babymakers, Alex Cross, Piranha 3DD, House at the End of the Street, Gone, ATM, Meeting Evil, LOL, About Cherry, Soldiers of Fortune, and 13 more; Notes: We are at about half as far as the top RT films. We’ve seen a good number of everything, but this was the era where there was just too many bad movies! How will we ever watch all these bad movies?! More than 50 films have a BMeTric over 25, that’s insane!

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Taken 2” is slick, professional action, directed by Olivier Megaton. Let that name roll off your tongue (Olivier, not Oliver). It was produced and co-written by Luc Besson, the French master of thrillers, and Robert Mark Kamen, his writing partner on many films. The first “Taken” was made for $22 million and grossed 10 times that much, establishing Liam Neeson as an action star after a career spent in heavyweight roles. The cast is uniformly capable and dead serious, and if you’re buying what Luc Besson is selling, he’s not short-changing you.

(Wow, I do love when they just kind of like it? I can totally believe someone is picking up what this film is putting down. But even the first film was dumb, so it also isn’t surprising when people expected it to go even bigger and getting served mostly the same thing wasn’t doing it for them.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otHUjWVgIig/

(I kind of love that there is no explanation that he and his ex-wife are semi-back together in the film. The trailer looks dumb in that it does Taken Too and also then seems to not be Taken and instead is just a generic action movie in the end.)

Directors – Olivier Megaton – ( Known For: The Last Days of American Crime; The Red Siren; Exit; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; Anna; BMT: Taken 2; Notes: He hasn’t done anything major in America since the third Taken film. French which makes sense.)

Writers – Luc Besson – ( Known For: Léon: The Professional; Taken; Lucy; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; Transporter 2; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Unleashed; Revolver; Taxi; La Femme Nikita; District B13; Kiss of the Dragon; Taxi 2; The Big Blue; District 13: Ultimatum; Taxi 3; Wasabi; Bandidas; Angel-A; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; The Family; From Paris with Love; Colombiana; Lockout; 3 Days to Kill; Anna; The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc; The Transporter Refueled; Arthur and the Invisibles; BMT: Taken 2; Taxi; Brick Mansions; Notes: Oh, he actually does seem to have a story credit. And he did Lockout too?! He really liked Maggie Grace.)

Robert Mark Kamen – ( Known For: Taken; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; The Karate Kid; Transporter 2; The Karate Kid; Lethal Weapon 2; Lethal Weapon 3; The Karate Kid Part II; Kiss of the Dragon; Bandidas; A Walk in the Clouds; Taps; The Power of One; Enter the Warriors Gate; Split Image; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; The Karate Kid Part III; The Transporter Refueled; The Next Karate Kid; Gladiator; BMT: Taken 2; Angel Has Fallen; Brick Mansions; Notes: Has credits on the Taken television series and the Karate Kid television series naturally.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Schindler’s List; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; Love Actually; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Gangs of New York; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; The Lego Movie; Non-Stop; Unknown; The A-Team; The Grey; Ted 2; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; The Next Three Days; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; A Walk Among the Tombstones; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Entourage; Daddy’s Home 2; The Marksman; Krull; The Nut Job; Marlowe; High Spirits; Before and After; BMT: Taken 2; Clash of the Titans; Battleship; Wrath of the Titans; Men in Black: International; The Haunting; Memory; Blacklight; Retribution; Notes: The Neeson! His first film this year was good. BOO! I don’t think we’ll have another one this year, but he has seven films in pre-production so hopefully we’ll see a few in the coming years.)

Famke Janssen – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; Taken; X2; X-Men: The Last Stand; The Wolverine; GoldenEye; Rounders; The Faculty; The Wackness; The Vault; Celebrity; Once Upon a Time in Venice; Made; Lord of Illusions; The Ten; The Postcard Killings; 100 Feet; Knights of the Zodiac; The Gingerbread Man; Future BMT: Taken 3; Hide and Seek; House on Haunted Hill; Don’t Say a Word; Deep Rising; Redeeming Love; BMT: Taken 2; Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters; I Spy; Notes: Born in The Netherlands, and is probably most famous for X-Men.)

Maggie Grace – ( Known For: Taken; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Knight and Day; Faster; The Experiment; The Jane Austen Book Club; Aftermath; The Hurricane Heist; About Alex; Suburban Girl; We’ll Never Have Paris; Malice in Wonderland; Decoding Annie Parker; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Supercon; Unity; The Scent of Rain & Lightning; Creature Unknown; Flying Lessons; Showing Roots; Future BMT: Taken 3; Lockout; BMT: Taken 2; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; The Choice; The Fog; Notes: She is definitely most famous for Lost where she was honestly one of the worst bits of the show for the parts she was in. She’s in Fear the Walking Dead.)

Budget/Gross – $45,000,000 / Domestic: $139,854,287 (Worldwide: $376,152,455)

(That is quite good and it is definitely no wonder a third was made. I wonder how poorly that did to get the series canceled.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (38/173): Taken 2 is largely bereft of the kinetic thrills — and surprises — that made the original a hit.

(Yeah sounds right. I think the original was just a unique experience and very titillating in its own way … and this was just a reheated version of that.)

Reviewer Highlight: Seems like a nonstop car and foot chase, with Albanian after Albanian falling victim to Bryan’s remarkable aim and hand-fighting skills. – Neil Genzlinger, New York Times

Poster – Taken 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I like the style of this even if it feels a little dated in today’s world. There is a grittiness to this that feels very of the time. But I like how they worked with the image of Neeson and the pop of red in the slightly dirtied Taken 2 font. It’s good. A.)

Tagline(s) – First they took his daughter. Now they’re coming for him. (B+)

(Sure. I mean it works. Wish they could have gotten there a little quicker and it’s not exactly the most creative thing in the world. But it does the trick.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013)…

Best Options (Action): 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 65.9 The Cold Light of Day (2012), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.6 G-Force (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 Legion (2010), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.9 Land of the Lost (2009), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 52.1 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 51.6 The Spy Next Door (2010), 50.8 Your Highness (2011), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 50.3 The Last Legion (2007), …

(Well out of the best options, but screw it. WE LOVE FRANCHISES!! I think Legion could have been insane though. Looking forward to that.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Taken 2 and No. 1 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The movie was shot as an R-rated film, but it was later edited down to a PG-13 for its theatrical release, just like its predecessor, and its sequel.

Although this movie mostly involves Albanian mafia and thugs, there is only one member of the cast who actually is Albanian.

In the final bathhouse fight scene, Bryan aims a Steyr M9A1 at an unarmed Suko, but Suko pushes his palm into the muzzle of the gun pushing the slide slightly, but noticeably back. Due to the browning tilting barrel of the Steyr M9A1, this action misaligned the firing pin with the primer of the chambered round, making it unable to fire until realigned. This is a very real world scenario.

The movie was filmed mostly in Istanbul, Turkey, and the production team faced some challenges during filming. One of the most notable challenges was when a stunt driver crashed a car into a storefront during a chase scene, causing real damage to the store. The production team had to negotiate with the store owner to continue filming in the area.

When production was announced, it was not immediately clear if Liam Neeson would return for the lead role. Mickey Rourke was considered as a replacement, before Neeson confirmed his return.