Oh man, so get this. I’m studying this alium NBD and then I get all this alium juice on me. Now my brain is all big! On problem, I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Green Lantern?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) What does Hal Jordan do to beat out that AI fighter jet (how relevant to the times we’re living in, amirite?)?
2) Oh sweet, Hector Hammond is really getting a leg up in his career, he gets to inspect an alium body. But why was he chosen really?
3) What drastic action does Sinestro suggest the Watchers (and Green Lanterns) do to combat Parallax?
4) In the ultimate fake out during the final battle because Hector and Hal, Hal gives up his ring to Hector. Why doesn’t it work though?
5) Ultimately how does Hal beat Parallax?
Bonus Question: A decade later and space hopping around, Hal finally gets the call he’s been waiting for. Who is it?
“1… 2… 3… Sorry!” Jamie and Patrick yell in unison with their bandmates. It’s stop number 19 of their 56 city Apologies Tour brought to you by Tim Horton’s. They all take a quick draught of some scalding Tim Horton’s coffee and let Pitbull know to be ready. “Mr. Worldwide. Ha!” he responds, which Jamie and Patrick have learned means “no problem, I’m ready to pump up the volume at a moment’s notice. I’m Mr. 305. Ha!” The tour feels a little bit different from their past tours as part of PaJama ParTy. Not least of which was where the tour was taking them. “Thank you Saskatoon!” They scream once they get onto stage. “We love you SaskTel Centre,” their drummer Matt McGoo screams right after them. They stare daggers at him. Fucking McGoo. With his drum solos and his stupid hats. But they calm themselves. This is the tour where they say sorry for their past conduct, not create more fodder for the Tantrum Twins machine by knocking his stupid hat off his stupid head in the middle of their set. While it was unsettling to learn that the Dudikoff’s had picked their band, wrote all their songs, and decided that their nephew Matt McGoo got to wear whatever dumb hat he wanted, they had to take it all in stride. The Dudikoff’s had done so much for them in helping them realize how much pain they had caused. So it was time to say sorry. Just as they are finishing up a rousing rendition of “We’re Not the Audience” and right before they start in on “Sure, It’s Bad, But Maybe That’s What You Like” they suddenly get blinded by a flashing green light from the audience. They stop… something about that green light is familiar. That’s right! We are diving once again into a film we’ve seen before, the much reviled Green Lantern starring noted Canadian Ryan Reynolds. I did not like this movie one bit when it came out… not even one little bit. Lets go!
Green Lantern (2011) – BMeTric: 52.1; Notability: 98
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 10.0%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 21.2%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 5 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Lower RT: Hellraiser: Revelations, You May Not Kiss the Bride, Faces in the Crowd, Beneath the Darkness, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Abduction, Hick, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, and 31 more; Notes: Oh boy, look at those Low RT films. A lot of those are fake VOD garbage, but I think we’ve seem maybe 12 of those listed. I wonder when we’ll get to the Spy Kids series.
RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “Green Lantern” presents yet another case of a human being given the responsibility of leading the battle of good vs. evil, or, in this case, of the Will vs. Fear. … The movie, as you know, was filmed in 3-D. But a screening was made available in 2-D, and I chose to attend the 2-D screening. The colors were bright, the images were crisp and clear, the impact was undeniable, the greens were … real green. I didn’t see the 3-D version, so can’t compare the two. I will be looking forward with interest to how other film critics describe it.
(The 3D versus 2D stuff was all the rage at the time. Somehow 2.5 stars seems totally appropriate. Like … it looks nice, and is kind of fun. But it is hollow and empty and leaves you unsatisfied. You know?)
(I remember this trailer and thinking it looked cool at the time. Unfortunately the way they did the suit and his powers ended up just looking lame from what I recall, and the movie falls apart around that fundamental issue.)
Directors – Martin Campbell – ( Known For: Casino Royale; GoldenEye; The Mask of Zorro; The Foreigner; Vertical Limit; Edge of Darkness; The Protégé; No Escape; Eskimo Nell; Defenseless; Three for All; Future BMT: The Legend of Zorro; Beyond Borders; Criminal Law; BMT: Memory; Green Lantern; Notes: Man, directing both GoldenEye and Casino Royale is a very very fun fact. I remember this from last year though because I really didn’t like Memory, and I was stunning this guy did it.)
Writers – Greg Berlanti – ( Known For: The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy; BMT: Green Lantern; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Political Animals and The Flight Attendant. Is an absolutely enormous television producer now for things like Riverdale and The Flash.)
Michael Green – ( Known For: Blade Runner 2049; Logan; Death on the Nile; Murder on the Orient Express; Alien: Covenant; Jungle Cruise; The Call of the Wild; BMT: Green Lantern; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Logan. Kind of amazing how young the writers were, he was 38 for example when this movie came out.)
Marc Guggenheim – ( Known For: Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters; Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans; BMT: Green Lantern; Notes: Done a ton of DC stuff like DC’s Legends of Tomorrow.)
Michael Goldenberg – ( Known For: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Peter Pan; Contact; Future BMT: Bed of Roses; BMT: Green Lantern; Notes: Weird that there aren’t any comic book writers among the credited screenwriters.)
Actors – Ryan Reynolds – ( Known For: Bullet Train; Ghosted; Deadpool 2; Deadpool; Free Guy; Ted; Red Notice; The Adam Project; Life; 6 Underground; The Proposal; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Pokémon: Detective Pikachu; Safe House; The Hitman’s Bodyguard; The Croods: A New Age; The Croods; Spirited; Turbo; Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle; Future BMT: Waiting…; Smokin’ Aces; National Lampoon’s Van Wilder; The Change-Up; Blade: Trinity; Self/less; The Amityville Horror; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Criminal; The In-Laws; BMT: X-Men Origins: Wolverine; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Green Lantern; R.I.P.D.; Notes: Now possibly more well known for selling his vodka company for a billion dollars, and then his mobile company for a billion dollars, and now he also owns Wrexham, a football club in Wales. He is a rare example of the triple dip. He failed as Green Lantern, failed a different time playing Deadpool, and then finally did succeed playing Deadpool a second time!)
Blake Lively – ( Known For: A Simple Favor; The Age of Adaline; The Town; The Shallows; Savages; The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants; Hick; Café Society; The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2; The Private Lives of Pippa Lee; All I See Is You; New York, I Love You; Elvis and Anabelle; Simon Says; Future BMT: Accepted; The Rhythm Section; BMT: Green Lantern; Notes: Doesn’t do much acting anymore seeing as she is married to bona fide billionaire Ryan Reynolds. Got her start as the star of Gossip Girl which was really the only O.C. followup teen soap of the era to hit big.)
Peter Sarsgaard – ( Known For: The Batman; The Magnificent Seven; Knight and Day; Orphan; The Cell; The Guilty; Jarhead; Black Mass; The Lost Daughter; Lovelace; Rendition; Blue Jasmine; Boys Don’t Cry; Garden State; K-19: The Widowmaker; Dead Man Walking; Mr. Jones; Jackie; An Education; The Lie; Future BMT: The Man in the Iron Mask; Flightplan; The Skeleton Key; Empire; BMT: Green Lantern; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Dopesick. According to IMDb he runs 50 miles a week.)
(That is quite bad. It was a legendary bomb at the time, but yeah … that is somehow worse than I expected.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (64/249): Noisy, overproduced, and thinly written, Green Lantern squanders an impressive budget and decades of comics mythology.
(Yeah, that is indeed what I remember. I do like the various reviews which are like “man, superheroes suck I can’t wait for this dumb shit to end” right before it takes over the entire culture for a generation.)
NYT Short Review: Ryan Reynolds plays the emerald-hued superhero in a $150 million diversion.
(My gawwwwwd. Mothers shield the eyes of your children for a horror walks among us. Be gone, Green Lantern poster! Leave us in peace. D-… but only because it’s got a green theme which saves it from being an F.)
Tagline(s) – In brightest day, in blackest night. (C)
(Cool cool cool. Sooooo, you decided to make everything bad and/or lazy. Bold choice.)
Keyword(s) – canada
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.0 The Flintstones (1994), 66.2 In the Mix (2005)
BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), …
Best Options (Action): 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 63.5 Skinwalkers (2006), 61.4 G-Force (2009), 59.6 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 57.9 Legion (2010), 53.9 Spy Hard (1996), 52.1 Green Lantern (2011), 50.8 The Core (2003), 50.0 Collateral Damage (2002), … (and many more sub-50)
(Not the best, but maybe one of the best we could do with a true blue Canadian star in a true blue giant box office bomb. BTW the plot is odd, but just because there isn’t a particularly good way to just get movies that stars a Canadian. But such is life.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ryan Reynolds is No. 1 billed in Green Lantern and No. 1 billed in Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, which also stars Samuel L. Jackson (No. 2 billed) who is in Jumper (No. 3 billed) which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (5 + 4) = 16. If we were to watch Smokin’ Aces we can get the HoE Number down to 11.
Notes – Carol’s line “I’ve seen you naked! You think I wouldn’t recognize you because you covered your cheekbones!” was an ad-lib by Blake Lively.
Ryan Reynolds, who played the protagonist, famously hated the movie. He has admitted to having a poor working relationship with director Martin Campbell and was glad to see the film perform poorly critically and financially, as he did not wish to reprise his role as the Green Lantern. In his later movie Deadpool (2016), he references the Green Lantern in a negative way when he requests a suit that is neither green nor animated while being rolled into the medical room on a gurney; in the sequel Deadpool 2 (2018), he goes back into time, preventing himself from ever taking the Green Lantern role.
Ryan Reynolds met his wife Blake Lively on the set of this film. They would get married in September 2012 and later have four children.
To prepare for his role as Hector Hammond, Peter Sarsgaard spent time with a biologist from Tulane University, who he described as “the most eccentric guy I could find.” They both worked on preparing the lecture Hammond gives in the film.
One of the Green Lanterns, Rot Lop Fan, wears a bell insignia rather than a lantern image on his chest. This is because his world gets almost no sunlight, so they never developed eyesight. Since he has no use for colors and lights, his symbol is an F-Sharp bell, which makes a tone pleasing to his species.
Hi there, it’s me, Franchise Guy. As you know, I love franchises, but it’s also important for you to know that it’s not just some franchises. It’s all franchises. Even your relatively minor franchises like the Of the Titans series. So don’t think for a second that I wasn’t devastated to learn that there was a canceled sequel to this film called Revenge of the Titans. If there’s one thing a Franchise Guy can’t abide, it’s the loss of an entry. They made Angel has Fallen for goodness sake! You can at least make it a trilogy. So I beg of you, get back in that kitchen and cook us up some revenge. Take a page out of Mechanic Ressurection’s book and start it off in Rio, babbby! Some fun in the sun for our boy Perseus. That is until Zues comes a knocking for one last job. It’s writing itself.
To Recap, Perseus is back, Jack! And boy does he just want to be boring. He’s got a son, his wife has died, and he just wants a nice, quiet… Gah! What are all these monstarrrsssss, noooooo!!!! Maybe he should have listened to his daddio Zues when he asked for his help, cause now Hades and Ares are draining his power in order to unleash Kronos (and monsters) into the world. Dang it! He’s told by a dying Poseidon to take his trident and team up with his demigod son Agenor and Andromeda (hottest lady in the land, remember) to find Hephaestus. You see, H-man is a fallen god who also can make a super rad ultimate weapon that’s definitely real called the Spear of Trium. After dispatching some cyclopses, H-man is perfectly happy to take them to the labyrinth he designed to hold Kronos. Unfortunately, he also has to sacrifice himself to save everyone from an eeeevil Ares. Once in the labyrinth a bunch of lame stuff happens. Like there’s a minotaur, but it’s lame. When they get to Zues they save him, but Kronos still gets free. Perseus has to challenge Ares to a duel so he can build the Spear of Trium to kill Kronos. Meanwhile like a million people die and Hades and Zues become best buds again. Finally, Perseus defeats Ares, builds the spear, and totally kills Kronos. Zues dies, Perseus smooches Andromeda (hard), and they become god kings probably. THE END.
This one stings for Franchise Guy (did I mention Franchise Guy speaks in the third person?). I unironically enjoyed watching Clash of the Titans. Given that they could borrow heavily from the classic tale of Perseus, it was just a very sound plot. This time around they had to crack their knuckles and… find a bunch of random stuff to borrow from? It mostly feels just like that. A bunch of random stuff. Cyclopses are easily dispatches, a minotaur shows up in the labyrinth for like a millisecond before being thrown away, etc. Then there is the truly bizarre. They invent a MacGuffin, which I appreciate, but really? There weren’t enough MacGuffins for you to work with already? Hades has a redemption story… literally the God of the Underworld is hugging it out with his best bro Zues. It’s wild stuff. It also somehow looked worse than the first one, which is a trend in films. The DC films never really got back to the level of Man of Steel. It’s like a basketball team where the money stays the same, but the superstars get paid more and the role players (CGI) suffer. But you need those role players to make it work. Sigh.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I’d like to ask Perseus a few questions about what exactly happened to his allegedly immortal wife Io. My previous hot take was that Perseus 1000% gets with Andromeda after the first film and oh ho ho by sheer coincidence this immortal lady is suddenly dead and Perseus has to share a daring quest with Andromeda? Sure, sure, sure Perseus. Just a coincidence I bet. Wouldn’t have anything to do with that magical sword you have conveniently buried under your house. And, oh, after years of claiming you just want to be a quiet fisherman and telling your son to deny his immortal ancestors, you suddenly are all like “let’s rule with an iron fist” and “this is your new mom, Andromeda?” Take him away, boys. Perseus? More like Worst-eus. Hot Take Temperature: Hades.
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Wrath of the Titans? More like Say Whaaaa of the Titans? I mean … I’m so tired guys, I just watched two CGI monster movies in a row. Let’s go!
Decidedly worse than the first … I think that about does it. Cheerios!
Fine. This time Sam Worthington seems to have been told that it is fine if he just speaks in his native Australian accent? Wild decision.
Rosamund Pike was good in the film though, I did like the decision to make her the strong leader of the resistance against … (wracks brain) … Ares? I think that’s right. Ares and … Kronos. Phew, I made it there.
The CGI looks like crap though. Maybe because there were many more moments of them just appearing in a place and then getting attacked suddenly by CGI monsters. In the first there was a bit of a “let’s put together a band and go get Medusa’s head” element. Here I honestly cannot remember what precisely they were looking for. I’ll have to look up the wiki page later for the details.
I do like how they twisted things up. The clear downfall of the Gods. All of them effectively die by the end of the film. It is clear that the age of the Greek god ruling is over. Makes you wonder what the third one would have even been about.
But no wonder this was the last. A decidedly ugly, dour film compared to a surprisingly entertaining and light first film. I guess what do you expect when you have to kill off the main character’s wife and make him a saddo to make any of the motivations make sense.
Oh I remember, I bet the third would have been about his quarter (half? Was Io officially a god?) god son and their relationship with the now powerless Hades (the last of the big four Gods we’ve seen).
Setting as a Character (Where?) again for Greece. Period Piece (When?) for Ancient Greece. I think this is a true blue MacGuffin (Why?) for the Spear of Trium which I guess kills Kronos and not much else? Closest to Bad I think, too boring.
Read about the documentary I made about Perseus’ fighting career in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Clickity Clash of the Titans, baby. Never seen the original and we weren’t about to change that now. We already had to watch a couple films this week and so there is only so much homework we can take… like remember when we did those based-on-a-book cycles? That’s crazy. We got lives, jobs, responsibilities. Responsibilities like a multimedia empire to take care of. So we met up at my house, put on our big boy pants, put our hats on backwards, curled up the cuffs on our pants up past our calves, hiked up our tubes socks to cover our well-toned calves, put on our birkenstocks to pair with our tube socks, unbuttoned exactly two buttons on our casual short sleeved dress shirts, make sure we aren’t wearing our typical deep-v undershirt in order to maintain modesty, put on a single fingerless glove, put a second hat on top of our original hat, tightened our ascots, and watched Clash of the Titans as it should be watched… together… as a fambly… dressed like monsters.
The recap, Perseus is just a demigod looking to live a quiet life as a fisherman. Fat chance! That’s because everyone is going around being like “stupid gods, we don’t even like you,” and the gods are none to happy about it. His family is killed in one of these clashes between man and god and he is taken to Argos. The King and Queen of Argos are all like “whatevs, sure we got totally owned by the gods, but like… doubt it’ll happen again.” Wrong! Hades is right there to kill the queen and threaten to destroy the city with the Kraken unless the princess is sacrificed. Suddenly they are really happy to have Persues around. They send him on a quest to ask some gross witches what they need to kill a Kraken. On this quest they have all kinds of kooky adventures. They fight some big ol’ scorpions, Zeus tries to give Perseus a sword but he’s like “you’re not my real dad!”, and some Djinn come along and agree to help them. When they get to the witches they are indeed real gross, but also they quickly force them to reveal the one thing that can kill a Kraken: Medusa’s gross head. Perseus pretty easily grabs dat head, but pretty much everyone else dies. He uses Pegasus to fly back to Argos where the princess is about to be thrown into the Kraken’s maw. But Perseus is like “check this out,” and shows the Kraken the gross Medusa head and it’s so gross that the Kraken dies. Perseus wins. THE END.
I actually dug this movie. It comes from a time when CGI heavy films were being made with love and care for a massive amount of money rather than now when they are shot out by a CGI cannon for a massive amount of money. So other than a couple dodgy moments (looking at you, giant scorpions) I thought this film looked quite good. It also is helped by being entrenched in classic mythology without a need to deviate too far from the given route. So the story is good. Classic hero’s quest. I can see why the film got a sequel. It made a bunch of money and I could see there being a solid fanbase… like me… I am the fanbase. It made me want to go back and watch the original film, even, just to see if it had a similar classic mythology vibe. But again… responsibilities etc. etc. etc.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Perseus definitely gets with Andromeda, right? She is lauded as the greatest beauty in all the land (just don’t say she’s more beautiful than the gods). She offers Perseus the opportunity to be king. They have been brought closer by an intense tragedy and loss of like… everyone they know. They are getting it. I don’t care that Io is like “uh, I’m also immortal so basically I understand you.” Understand shmand. Put it in the bank. Five seconds after the movie ends Perseus stops and is like “wait a second, I’m not sure I actually want to be a fisherman all that much,” and heads off to have all his wildest dreams come true. Hot Take Temperature: Cool ocean breeze on the cliffs of Argos.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Clash of the Titans? More like Cash Grab of a Slight Film … sure, a little overwrought maybe. Like this movie! Let’s go!
This film is kind of good. I’m actually quite surprised to say that. It seems to have an interesting myth based story. Some of the CGI still holds up decently (a huge surprise). And the cast is chockablock with big stars looking silly in costumes.
It stumbles every so often though. The scorpions? Look like garbage.
Medusa? Real real real garbage looking.
I loved the design of the Djinn, but even that was a little bit of a step too far at times. Starts to really lean into the fantasy elements instead of the mythological elements. Is it weird that I’m like “medusa, giants, gods, etc. that’s fine” but then when a whole mess of Djinn show up it felt like a mixed metaphor? Like they were pulling in some other cultures mythology and muddling things unnecessarily. Perhaps Djinns did exist in ancient Greek myths. Maybe I should look that up.
Nope, from what I can tell Djinns are pretty exclusive to Islamic beliefs, all the way to being firmly established only after the establishment of Islam as a religion even. They existed prior, but it seems rather unlikely that they would have been involved with the Greek mythological figures in any meaningful way.
But still, I was girding myself for a real Sam Worthington (more like Wooden-ton am I right?) performance, but he was a genuine star in this and the film worked quite well I thought.
Sadly I didn’t watch the original, although I wish I had because there is some indication that some of Wrath maybe comes from the back half of that film, which could have made me appreciate that one more.
Obviously a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Ancient Greece, we could replace Meet the Spartans on the map if we wanted to. I kind of love the idea of MacGuffin (Why?) being Medusa’s head, but they also know what it does and why they are getting it so not really. I think this is very much closest to Good.
Read about the three camera sitcom that fell between the two films in the Quiz, Cheerios,
Oh man. Last time when I clashed I sustained a massive concussion and had to sit in a dark room for six months. Can you imagine was happened when I wrathed? No seriously, can you, because I can’t remember. Do you remember what happened in Wrath of the Titans?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) I definitely totally remember what this movie was about … uh, so in the beginning Ares and Hades attack the other gods, and one of them dies. Who?
2) Zeus is captured in the process, but not before he goes and has a conversation with Perseus. What is the existential issue Zeus discussed with him?
3) There is a true blue MacGuffin in this film. What is the Spear of Trium, and what does it do?
4) Throughout as well Perseus and his gang of heroes (naturally) need to get to Tartarus. What is this place, what is it for?
5) Don’t worry Perseus does manage to save the day, but who does he have to fight for control of Zeus’ spear?
Bonus Question: Well now Perseus and his son uh … *checks notes* Helius? Doesn’t sound right, but let’s go with it. They ain’t fisherman no longer. What do they do in their retirement?
Oh boy, so get this. I’m the son of Zeus (NBD) and all these netherworld demons popped out to attack some soldiers and bopped me right on the head (oh and killed my whole fambly). I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Clash of the Titans (2010)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Meet our hero, he’s a little babyyyyyyy (awwwwwwwwww). Where is this baby found by his ultra-salt of the earth daddio?
2) Uh oh, there are those aforementioned demons! Hades sent them (natch). But why are they coming to dispatch the demons. What has made Hades so goshdern mad?
3) Perseus is then taken by said army to a kingdom where they make the ultimate blasphemy … which is?
4) Welp, there is only one person who can save them now: Perseus the Mirthiest (spoiler, actually he seems rather dour, but whatever). What does he need to do to stop that Kraken?
5) They said they were going to do it, they said they were going to release the Kraken. And they did. Say it with me … RELEASE THE KRAKEN! In the end Perseus saves the day, but then he gets his own special ending. Who does he marry and what is her curse?
Bonus Question: Well Perseus is a hero, but just wants to be a fisherman. But ho, a knock at the door. Who could it be?
“Why are we still here?” asks Jamie, a dark pall hanging over his features. “Because,” Michael explains, “you are meant to reconnect with people. Kevin James connects with people. If you understand that then we can leave. Beep boop” Patrick scoffs. “I think the answer to that starts with a ‘D’ and ends with an ‘uh.’ We aren’t total idiots, we know Paul Blart was a sensation.” They get up to leave. “Is that so?” Michael robot scoffs right back at them, “Then why did you spend,” he pauses, a mechanical whirring sound intensifying as he performs a quick numerical calculation, “1,146 words talking about Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on BadMovieTwins.com and conclude, and I quote, ‘it’s trash.’ Beep boop?” This robot is asking for another punch to its robot chest. Jamie and Patrick clench their fists, but eventually sit back down. When he’s right, he’s right… and also they installed a titanium plate over his chest in the rebuild. Their fists would likely splinter in a cloud of pink mist if they attempted a similar punch a second time. They turn their attention back at the stage where Kevin James has launched into his third (and hopefully final) impression of who he calls Itch and Blow: The Dope-elgangers. The crowd is loving it. “Look at my abs! Look at my greasy abs!” Kevin James is screaming and the crowd wails. “Oh man, my balls are itchy,” he continues as Itch. The crowd gobbles it up. Jamie and Patrick grit their teeth and laugh along with the crowd. Whatever it takes to satisfy Michael. It’s working until Kevin James looks at them again and mouths “You stink, Bad Movie Twins.” That’s it! “Let’s pound some dweebs,” they say in unison, getting up from their chairs. That’s right! It’s a double this week with Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans. If you wondered what Sam Worthington used his Avatar cache on, well… it was this. Let’s go!
Wrath of the Titans (2012) – BMeTric: 44.5; Notability: 65
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 10.4%; Notability: top 2.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.8%; Higher BMeT: Piranha 3DD, The Devil Inside, LOL, Paranormal Activity 4, The Apparition, Smiley, ATM, Chernobyl Diaries, The Cold Light of Day, The ABCs of Death, Dark Tide, Alex Cross, Resident Evil: Retribution, So Undercover, Red Dawn, Aftershock, Lay the Favorite, One for the Money, About Cherry, Madea’s Witness Protection, and 6 more; Higher Notability: Battleship, Dark Shadows, Ice Age: Continental Drift, This Means War, Red Tails, Total Recall; Lower RT: A Thousand Words, Dark Tide, One for the Money, The Apparition, The Cold Light of Day, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, Playing for Keeps, The Devil Inside, So Undercover, Fire with Fire, The Babymakers, Breaking the Girls, Alex Cross, Piranha 3DD, ATM, Gone, House at the End of the Street, Meeting Evil, LOL, About Cherry, and 25 more; Notes: Wow, the drop in the notability is startling. I suppose they really cut down on the gods and goddesses which is where a lot of the big names hung out for the two scene cameos in the first.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Maybe it was the three exploding mountains too many. Or the dozen surplus fireballs. Or too much noise. “Wrath of the Titans” relentlessly wore me down with special effects so overscale compared to the characters in the film that at times the only thing to do was grin. The characters, to be sure, are gods and not humans, but they are human-sized gods. Give it a moment’s thought: What chance does your average muscular god have against the grinding stones of a labyrinth as large as a volcano?
(Yeah here we go. The first was good for what it is. But then this is average for what it is, which means bad. The logic checks out.)
(I distinctly enjoy the lack of a heavy metal soundtrack. Looks bigger and noisier and still pretty rad.)
Directors – Jonathan Liebesman – ( Known For: The Killing Room; Future BMT: Darkness Falls; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Wrath of the Titans; Battle Los Angeles; Notes: And he was an executive producer on Doolitte. South African. He directed 4 episodes of the Halo television series.)
Writers – Dan Mazeau – ( Known For: Fast X; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Has a Van Helsing script in development.)
David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick – ( Known For: Orphan; Aquaman; Orphan: First Kill; The Conjuring 2; The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Red Riding Hood; Notes: Has both the sequel to Aquaman and the fourth Conjuring film on the docket.)
Greg Berlanti – ( Known For: The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy; Future BMT: Green Lantern; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for The Flight Attendant and Political Animals. At this point he appears to develop all of the DC live-action television work.)
Beverley Cross – ( Known For: Clash of the Titans; Jason and the Argonauts; Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger; The Long Ships; Genghis Khan; Half a Sixpence; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Wait … is this based on part of the first movie or something. What an odd credit. Man, I really should have watched the original movie. Then I would know these things.)
Actors – Sam Worthington – ( Known For: Simulant; Avatar: The Way of Water; Avatar; Hacksaw Ridge; Everest; Fractured; Last Night; Rogue; Cake; The Titan; Lansky; The Debt; The Last Son; Texas Killing Fields; 9 Bullets; Hart’s War; The Keeping Room; The Hunter’s Prayer; Kidnapping Mr. Heineken; Paper Planes; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; The Shack; Man on a Ledge; The Great Raid; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Wrath of the Titans; Sabotage; Notes: Again, you know Sam Worthington. Apparently he got so ripped for Avatar and Terminator: Salvation it changes his character in these films from somewhat slender to ultra-ripped.)
Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Schindler’s List; The Dark Knight Rises; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Batman Begins; Love Actually; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Gangs of New York; Taken; Excalibur; The Lego Movie; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The A-Team; Widows; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Silence; Run All Night; Ted 2; Future BMT: Marlowe; Kingdom of Heaven; Men in Black: International; The Marksman; Krull; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Taken 2; Entourage; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Daddy’s Home 2; High Spirits; The Nut Job; Before and After; BMT: Battleship; Memory; Clash of the Titans; Blacklight; The Haunting; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: He has eight films on the docket including the sequel to Ice Road. You ever see Ice Road? It’s bananas.)
Rosamund Pike – ( Known For: Pride & Prejudice; Gone Girl; Jack Reacher; The World’s End; Hostiles; I Care a Lot; The Informer; Die Another Day; Fracture; Return to Sender; An Education; The Big Year; What We Did on Our Holiday; The Man with the Iron Heart; Beirut; A Private War; Radioactive; Hector and the Search for Happiness; A United Kingdom; A Long Way Down; Future BMT: 7 Days in Entebbe; Surrogates; Johnny English Reborn; The Libertine; BMT: Doom; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Notably is starring in the Wheel of Time television show on Amazon. Nominated for an Oscar for Gone Girl.)
(Yeah, so this is more of a disaster. I honestly find this a bit odd. They cut down the cast quite dramatically, so why did the budget go up again? Seems like a bad idea.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (46/176): Its 3D effects are an improvement over its predecessor’s, but in nearly every other respect, Wrath of the Titans fails to improve upon the stilted acting, wooden dialogue, and chaos-driven plot of the franchise’s first installment.
(Yes, yes, yes … wait why did Ebert think the first was better. I’m joking. Having watched both the first is way better than the second, and the fact that critics failed to recognize that outside of Ebert I think is not super great.)
NY Times Short Review: In this sequel to the 2010 “Clash of the Titans” remake, Zeus asks his demigod son for help, as the battle for supremacy between the gods and the Titans goes on.
(This looks markedly worse than the first one even though it’s essentially the same. I’m not sure why. I can kind of smell the stench of garbage wafting off of it. C-.)
Tagline(s) – Feel the Wrath (D-)
(Boooooooo.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.4 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005), … (and many more)
Best Options (Action): 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 56.8 Land of the Lost (2009), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 44.5 Wrath of the Titans (2012), 44.0 Allegiant (2016), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 36.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 34.3 Van Helsing (2004), 34.2 The Tourist (2010), 34.1 Taken 3 (2014), 33.4 Sahara (2005), 32.3 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991), 31.1 Justice League (2017), 30.3 The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016), 29.4 Waist Deep (2006), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.8 The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 27.3 Antitrust (2001), 27.0 War (2007), 25.6 Pokémon: The First Movie – Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998), 24.8 Terminator Genisys (2015), 24.6 King Arthur (2004), 22.0 Now You See Me 2 (2016), 21.7 Let’s Be Cops (2014), 21.0 Act of Valor (2012), 19.4 Terminator Salvation (2009), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 17.0 Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010), 16.9 Eagle Eye (2008), 16.7 Tears of the Sun (2003), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Angels & Demons (2009), 12.8 The Island (2005), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 6.6 Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
(Don’t worry, we’ll hit up all three TMNT films soon enough …)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sam Worthington is No. 1 billed in Wrath of the Titans and No. 1 billed in Clash of the Titans, which also stars Gemma Arterton (No. 2 billed) who is in Runner Runner (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 14. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 13.
Notes – The movie takes place 10 years after the previous one.
Gemma Arterton was originally supposed to return, but scheduling conflicts with Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) prevented that. Her character was written out, rather than being re-cast, as Andromeda was.
Hephaestus converses with Bubo, the mechanical owl from Clash of the Titans (1981).
Bill Nighy, who plays Hephaestus, when recognizing Perseus, says “Release the Kraken”. Nighy plays “Davy Jones” in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) and says the same thing.
In preparation for her role as Andromeda, Rosamund Pike was instructed by director Jonathan Liebesman to study Mel Gibson’s William Wallace in Braveheart (1995), not fellow Bond girl Sophie Marceau’s Princess Isabelle as she’d naturally, though wrongly, anticipated.
Contenders for the role of Andromeda were Hayley Atwell, Georgina Haig, Janet Montgomery, Dominique McElligott, and Clémence Poésy. The role was previously portrayed in Clash of the Titans (2010) by Alexa Davalos, who turned down an offer to reprise it.
Javier Bardem was considered for the role of Ares, and James Franco was considered to play Agenor.
Rosamund Pike replaced Alexa Davalos from Clash of the Titans (2010) as Andromeda.
Sent to the cinemas under code name “Torn Between”.
The sound the Minotaur makes is a recording of the grunt of an elephant. It also happens to be the very same sound effect used for the Minotaur-boss in Hercules (1997) .
A sequel for the film, titled “Revenge of the Titans” was in production, and the plot would have involved the resurrection of the gods. However, it was later scrapped, due to the poor reception of this film.
“Why are we still here?” asks Jamie, a dark pall hanging over his features. “Because,” Michael explains, “you are meant to reconnect with people. Kevin James connects with people. If you understand that then we can leave. Beep boop” Patrick scoffs. “I think the answer to that starts with a ‘D’ and ends with an ‘uh.’ We aren’t total idiots, we know Paul Blart was a sensation.” They get up to leave. “Is that so?” Michael robot scoffs right back at them, “Then why did you spend,” he pauses, a mechanical whirring sound intensifying as he performs a quick numerical calculation, “1,146 words talking about Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on BadMovieTwins.com and conclude, and I quote, ‘it’s trash.’ Beep boop?” This robot is asking for another punch to its robot chest. Jamie and Patrick clench their fists, but eventually sit back down. When he’s right, he’s right… and also they installed a titanium plate over his chest in the rebuild. Their fists would likely splinter in a cloud of pink mist if they attempted a similar punch a second time. They turn their attention back at the stage where Kevin James has launched into his third (and hopefully final) impression of who he calls Itch and Blow: The Dope-elgangers. The crowd is loving it. “Look at my abs! Look at my greasy abs!” Kevin James is screaming and the crowd wails. “Oh man, my balls are itchy,” he continues as Itch. The crowd gobbles it up. Jamie and Patrick grit their teeth and laugh along with the crowd. Whatever it takes to satisfy Michael. It’s working until Kevin James looks at them again and mouths “You stink, Bad Movie Twins.” That’s it! “Let’s pound some dweebs,” they say in unison, getting up from their chairs. That’s right! It’s a double this week with Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans. If you wondered what Sam Worthington used his Avatar cache on, well… it was this. Let’s go!
Clash of the Titans (2010) – BMeTric: 41.2; Notability: 110
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 15.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.8%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Yogi Bear, Tekken, My Soul to Take, Tooth Fairy, Legion, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Passion Play, The Back-up Plan, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Killers, and 18 more; Lower RT: Tekken, Passion Play, Twelve, 6 Souls, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, The Tortured, Waiting for Forever, 13, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, My Soul to Take, Killers, Grown Ups, Virginia, and 38 more; Notes: My god. A 100+ Notability. There can’t be very many of those we haven’t seen. Although we do tend to avoid the barely-qualifying big boys in general. Case in point: Justice League, coming up.
RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – There are too many Greek gods for me to keep straight, since as a child I didn’t have action figures as a learning tool. I was prepared to take notes during “Clash of the Titans” but only wrote down a single one: “Release the Kraken!” — Conan O’Brien. I know I was intended to be terrified by the release of the Kraken, but all I could think of was O’Brien shouting “Release the bear!” and then some guy in a bear suit runs out and sits on the lap of a guest. In this case, the Kraken is the nuclear option for Zeus, who has been persuaded by Hades to put down a revolt by the upstart mortals of Argos.
(Genuinely good review. I think that makes sense. The first is an adaptation of a good movie, and an adaptation of a real myth. It really depends on how much you can tolerate CGI nonsense. And at this point Ebert happily tolerated a bunch of that.)
(Possibly the most iconic line in trailer history? Which is bizarre to think about. Anyways, it looks rad, but I hate the heavy metal soundtrack. Hate hate hate it.)
Directors – Louis Leterrier – ( Known For: Fast X; The Incredible Hulk; Now You See Me; The Transporter; Transporter 2; Unleashed; The Takedown; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Notes: Won an Emmy for The Dark Crystal television show. And as you can see, in the news now since he is the director of Fast X.)
Writers – Travis Beacham – ( Known For: Pacific Rim; Pacific Rim: Uprising; Dog Days of Summer; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Notes: Mostly has been writing for TV recently, specifically Carnival Row.)
Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi – ( Known For: The Invitation; Destroyer; Crazy/Beautiful; BMT: Clash of the Titans; R.I.P.D.; Æon Flux; Ride Along; The Tuxedo; Ride Along 2; Notes: Also mostly television writers now, although in this case on a show I’ve never heard of, The Mysterious Benedict Society.)
Beverley Cross – ( Known For: Clash of the Titans; Jason and the Argonauts; Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger; The Long Ships; Genghis Khan; Half a Sixpence; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Nominated for several Tony Awards in 1965 for Half a Sixpence. Wrote the original Clash of the Titans, and was married to Maggie Smith.)
Actors – Sam Worthington – ( Known For: Simulant; Avatar: The Way of Water; Avatar; Hacksaw Ridge; Everest; Fractured; Last Night; Rogue; Cake; The Titan; Lansky; The Debt; The Last Son; Texas Killing Fields; 9 Bullets; Hart’s War; The Keeping Room; The Hunter’s Prayer; Kidnapping Mr. Heineken; Paper Planes; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; The Shack; Man on a Ledge; The Great Raid; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Wrath of the Titans; Sabotage; Notes: Y’all know Sam Worthington … wait do you? He’s Australian, and an ultimate “that guy.” Seemed like he was going to be a big star, and then ended up “merely” being the somewhat faceless star of the Avatar series.)
Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Schindler’s List; The Dark Knight Rises; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Batman Begins; Love Actually; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Gangs of New York; Taken; Excalibur; The Lego Movie; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The A-Team; Widows; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Silence; Run All Night; Ted 2; Future BMT: Marlowe; Kingdom of Heaven; Men in Black: International; The Marksman; Krull; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Taken 2; Entourage; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Daddy’s Home 2; High Spirits; The Nut Job; Before and After; BMT: Battleship; Memory; Clash of the Titans; Blacklight; The Haunting; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Now, you definitely know Liam Neeson. Makes a bunch of garbage now, but … no wait, he’s always made garbage. Check out his 80s and 90s. It is bonkers. He’s Irish. Nominated for an Oscar for Schindler’s List.)
Ralph Fiennes – ( Known For: The Menu; Schindler’s List; The Grand Budapest Hotel; No Time to Die; The King’s Man; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2; The Hurt Locker; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; In Bruges; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Red Dragon; Skyfall; Spectre; The Reader; Official Secrets; The Forgiven; The Lego Batman Movie; The English Patient; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Dolittle; Wrath of the Titans; The Avengers; Holmes & Watson; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars (Schindler’s List and The English Patient). He’s English and you best believe he’s related to Hero Fiennes Tiffin (his nephew).)
(That’s a solid haul. It would probably be considered a huge disaster now for dumb reasons, but at the time I’m sure getting to around half a billion and with home video sales it was a solid take.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (72/266): An obviously affectionate remake of the 1981 original, Louis Leterrier’s Clash of the Titans doesn’t offer enough visual thrills to offset the deficiencies of its script.
(I mean, some people would disagree, namely Roger Ebert, ever head of him? Having watched it, the CGI is actually quite good with one exception which is the giant scorpions which look like trash.)
NY Times Short Review: A remake of a 1981 film features swords, sandals and monsters, this time around in 3-D.
(Too bland. But good font and honestly it would have been a crime if they didn’t make a poster like this following the success of 300. Would have been gross negligence. B.)
Tagline(s) – The Clash Begins 2.4.2010 (F)
(Booooooooooooooo.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.4 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005),… (and many more)
Best Options (Action): 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 56.8 Land of the Lost (2009), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 44.5 Wrath of the Titans (2012), 44.0 Allegiant (2016), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 36.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 34.3 Van Helsing (2004), 34.2 The Tourist (2010), 34.1 Taken 3 (2014), 33.4 Sahara (2005), 32.3 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991), 31.1 Justice League (2017), 30.3 The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016), 29.4 Waist Deep (2006), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.8 The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 27.3 Antitrust (2001), 27.0 War (2007), 25.6 Pokémon: The First Movie – Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998), 24.8 Terminator Genisys (2015), 24.6 King Arthur (2004), 22.0 Now You See Me 2 (2016), 21.7 Let’s Be Cops (2014), 21.0 Act of Valor (2012), 19.4 Terminator Salvation (2009), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 17.0 Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010), 16.9 Eagle Eye (2008), 16.7 Tears of the Sun (2003), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Angels & Demons (2009), 12.8 The Island (2005), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 6.6 Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
(We went for a two-fer here. Totally worth it, even after my brain melted at hour four of this CGI nonsense.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gemma Arterton is No. 2 billed in Clash of the Titans and No. 2 billed in Runner Runner, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Emma Thompson almost made an accidental uncredited cameo in this movie while visiting friend Liam Neeson on the set. Thompson, who’d been filming Nanny McPhee Returns (2010) in an adjacent studio, went to visit Neeson during a break, just as Neeson was about to shoot a scene with Ralph Fiennes and Danny Huston. Unable to exit the set fast enough as the cameras began to roll, Thompson, in her clumsy Nanny McPhee costume, had to hide behind Huston’s throne during the take so she would not be picked up by the cameras.
The language of Djinn is actually Arabic.
The word Kraken (sea monster) is Norwegian/Swedish, not Greek. Early script drafts considered changing it to its Hebrew counterpart Leviathan (famous from the Bible hymn of Job 41). It was changed back to Kraken as a tribute to the original Clash of the Titans (1981) tagline “Release the Kraken!” Surprisingly, the creature’s Greek name, Cetus, was never considered.
Sam Worthington’s sandals are Nike Trainers with toes painted on them. He didn’t wear sandals because he needed shoes to perform the stunts well.
In Greek mythology, Io is Perseus’ great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, and an old flame of his father Zeus.
Although Greek mythology contains different versions of the story of Perseus, the film deviates from all of them in some parts. Perseus supposedly flew to an island using winged sandals he borrowed from Hermes, and Medusa was only one of three Gorgons (i.e. half-woman half snake creatures with serpents for hair, the other two were called Stheno and Euryale).
The mechanical owl Bubo, from Clash of the Titans (1981), has a cameo as the toy Perseus picks up before he leaves on his quest. According to the filmmakers, the cameo was widely debated as to whether to keep it in the film, or not. It was eventually decided to keep it in the film, to please the fans of the original film.
Originally, Perseus was envisioned as being more of a young slender man. Louis Leterrier had watched Sam Worthington in the film Somersault (2004), and thought that he would be ideal, and was therefore somewhat taken aback when he met Worthington. The actor had bulked up considerably for his roles in Avatar (2009) and Terminator Salvation (2009).
The Stygian Witches were actually played by men.
The volcano scenes were shot at the Dinorwic Slate Quarry in Wales. This is a famous location, used for fantasies like Willow (1988) and Street Fighter (1994).
I’m hoping one of these days we’ll get a real dilemma between Citizen Kane and the BMT film of the week. Alas, on September 11th, 1991 Citizen Kane aired on AMC at 3pm. At 1:30am, in the wee hours of the morning, you were treated to Navy SEALs on Showtime. No conflict there (other than the intense conflict depicted on your early 90’s TV). At that very time, though, both HBO and Cinemax were also starting their showings of a couple other 1990-1991 films. HBO had the thrilling Women & Men 2, while Cinemax had the 1990 film Flashback. So how do you choose? The Times fortunately gives you a little synopsis for each film. Women & Men 2 gets the most extensive: “Three couples.” Wow, one more than I thought. So that’s promising. Navy SEALs gives it to you straight with just the word “Hostages,” wonder if they’ll be saved? Finally Flashback gives you the very mysterious single word descriptor, “Splinters.” … huh. So what do we choose? Obviously for this exercise it would be Flashback cause that is lunacy and we’d have to figure out what “Splinters” means in this context. But I think Navy SEALs is almost definitely the right choice for BMT.
To recap, Biehn and Sheen and mean machines on a Navy SEAL team. They and their bros are married to their work… literally, cause the first thing we see is one of the team members, Billy, skipping out on his wedding to go on a hostage rescue in the general Mediterranean area. They arrive just in time to save a couple hostages. Unfortunately they don’t recognize a high level terrorist or destroy a bunch of Stinger missiles while doing all that saving. Biehn and Sheen are pissed. They want to get those missiles and so when they are found being smuggled at sea they get in on the action. Unfortunately it was all a ruse! There aren’t any missiles at all! Biehn and Sheen are even more pissed. They begin talking with a beautiful reporter who has had contact with the high level terrorist in the past. She’s reluctant at first to give up any info, but has a change of heart after one of the Stingers is used. She tips him to some contacts she knows that might be helpful. The CIA resists, but end up agreeing to let the SEALs nab one of the contacts when they find out he’s already an asset. When they go in to grab him, though, they get into a firefight (all because of big dumb Sheen) and Billy is killed. They are sad. Like real sad. Biehn has some steamy sex with the journalist but his sadness persists. The only thing that will alleviate it is destroying those Stingers. With their location provided by the contact, it’s time to bash some skulls. And skulls, they are bashed. Explosions galore. A few of the SEALs are killed and while the Stingers are destroyed Biehn is hurt badly. But Sheen won’t let him die and they are able to escape to safety. THE END.
This is an extremely dumb movie. Very much a knock off Top Gun film of the late 80’s/early 90’s variety, like Fire Birds, Air America, Flight of the Intruder, Iron Eagle, etc. Just before these films were relegated to the depth of stock footage dreck that producers were selling straight-to-video and overseas in high numbers a few years later. This is still a big budget film, but give credit to those straight-to-video creators cause they so effectively knocked off these movies that now something like Navy SEALs feels like low budget garbage by association. It’s fun, though. Lots of BMT films are no fun at all, but this one is just silly war fluff. Come for all that silly war junk and stay for the ludicrous golf scene in the middle (not to mention almost everything that Charlie Sheen wears in the film).
Hot Take Clam Bake! Why didn’t they remotely destroy the Stinger missiles? We know exactly where they are, there are no hostages, and they are located in what is clearly an extremely hot warzone. Even better, whoever is fighting can take out those Stingers for us. They know exactly where they are. But noooooo, Biehn and Sheen can’t help but get directly involved as if they are the only SEAL team on the planet… and then like four Navy SEALs die in a non-war time raid involving the destruction of inanimate objects. Absolute disastrous result. I’m not going to say I’m the most qualified to make this decision, but seems like we got institutional failure on our hands top to bottom. Hopefully Biehn’s pivot to a journalism career works out for him. Hot Take Temperature: Sliver.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Navy Seals? More like Craven Heels, amirite? Top Gun inspired a generation of military recruiters that they too could make a homoerotic military propaganda film. Let’s go!
This film is filled, top to bottom, with some amazing stunts. Credit where credit is due. The sky dive, jumping off the bridge, and the water stunts involving the submarine were all on the level of much better films like Top Gun.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say Charlie Sheen is bad in this film, but a lot of the acting feels television-y (which at the time I suppose was a synonym for “bad”). But Sheen has a few moments where it seems like he almost having a genuine adrenaline / stress response which was a cool reaction and probably straight from the writer (who was a Navy SEAL).
If I were to point to one major flaw I would say that everything seems like a “set”. Especially the ending where the “Lebanon” city looks like a square block of shooting space dressed up as Lebanon.
Actually, strike that. The major flaw is the borderline racist (but yet inevitable) portrayal of the terrorists in the film.
Actually, strike that. Or, better yet, just strike out the word “borderline” in the last sentence.
The golf scene is insane. A basketball scene last week. A golf scene this week? Awesome.
It is only made better that apparently the studio was like “we’re missing something, play some touch football” and Bill Paxton was like “no, that’s too close to the volleyball scene in Top Gun” and shot the golf stuff himself. And then ironically Top Gun 2 they do play touch football (kind of, don’t get me started on that).
As far as a review I think I’ll leave it by saying that Fire Birds, this, a bunch of lower level things like Delta Force, etc. they are such an odd reaction in a post-Cold War world (or at least a world where Russia seemed to be close to defeat). The military was really terrified that without a big enemy recruiting numbers were going to fall off a cliff huh?
Best Product Placement (What?) for the Ready Room in Virginia Beach? At the very least them sucking down Bud Heavies while playing golf works. A rare Setting as a Character (Where?) for either Virginia or Lebanon, take your pick. Solid McGuffin (Why?) for the Stinger missiles, a nice objective for every mission in the film. Closest to BMT I think, like Fire Birds it is just nonsensical military trash to be funny/fun.
Oh boy, so get this. I was an elite Navy SEAL (NBD) but I was going to a buddies wedding and I was like “women amirite?” and jumped off a bridge. Naturally, I was seriously injured in this ludicrous stunt and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Navy Seals?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We’ve got four missions in the film. Describe the first. Hint, this is the one that interrupts President Palmer’s wedding.
2) Alright, what does Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) see during that mission which makes everyone just a tad bit suspicious and angry?
3) Alright, time for a second mission. What is the purpose of this mission? Hint, things don’t go so well on this one as it is a trick.
4) The love interest for Curran (Michael Biehn) is a reporter. Why is she important to the overall storyline, and ultimately for the third mission of the film.
5) Time for a final mission. Where are they going and how do they get there?
Bad Movie Twins 