Comedy – Page 17 – Bad Movie Twins

Taxi Recap

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Taxi? More like Lacks Glee (I honestly am shocked I pulled an okay one out of that). Huh, a surprisingly high BMeTric? A genuinely interesting choice at director? Queen Latifah paired with Jimmy Fallon? I kind of knew this movie has the potential to confound … but I didn’t know quite to what degree. Let’s get into it.

The Good – There were moments that were genuinely funny. Queen Latifah was actually quite good. I appreciated the way it inverted tropes (and was rather effective at it). The director knew his limitations and managed the action comedy admirably. Everyone seemed on board and the film was far more coherent than I could have ever expected.
The Bad – And yet it is a terrible movie. Boring, not funny. The music is terrible. Fallon is no good and also too bumbling to be admired or appreciated. The entire thing ends up just kind of falling apart in slow motion. And the movie is 15 minutes too long.
The BMT – This is a 40-50 BMeTric film for sure. But I wouldn’t watch it again unless it just happened to be on television. It isn’t entertaining or unintentionally funny enough to sustain the runtime, but it does have some cred that bumps it up. Specifically Fallon and Bunchen buoy this otherwise lifeless BMT dud. The end.

I got into it. You know what time it is … Audio Sklog-entary. That’s right, we are on a roll. This one was with the director Tim Story all by his lonesome. Things I appreciated: he was very open about his own failings as a director, and very open about how rushed this production was. That side of things was incredibly interesting. But a single person just lacks the same dynamism that a duo has by being able to play off each other. Verdict: B-.

Jamie

Not since Phone Booth have we had a film so quickly become irrelevant. Now this film would be remade and called Uber (not really, they would get sued), about a ride-sharing, racecar-driving wannabe helping out a down-on-his-luck cop. Instead, since this was made when there was no such thing as Uber, we got a complete carbon copy of the French film it was based on. And I’m not exaggerating. This film was almost shot-for-shot the same film (particularly the beginning and end), to the point where the trick at the end is just replicated. Not even a neat twist. I guess they assumed the general American audience wouldn’t watch the original like me (cause I’m insane). Even the changes that were made were all surface. The mom was just a mom in the original? Let’s make her an alcoholic. German bank robbers? Make them Brazilian super model bank robbers. The bank robbers use a cleaning service to pick up the money after the heist? Make it a garbage truck. Just slight changes for the sake of changing something. Actually made watching the film a bit dull. One of the unfortunate byproducts of obsessively consuming all related materials to the movies we watch.

The way I’ve been thinking about the commentaries is trying to sum up the main idea in a single sentence or word. In this case the word was: rushed. It sounded like he had a super short casting window and even purposefully hired a music video cinematographer because he knew the shooting schedule was tight. Probably why the movie is so similar to the French original. Easier to plan and shoot a direct remake rather than make major changes.

Going back to the BMTsolutions well for my game. Taxi is certainly not based on a book (it’s based on a French film, duh. I was literally just talking about it), but if it were, it would go… a little something… like this. Queen Latifah (yes the book also stars Queen Latifah) is a NASCAR driver. She’s on the rise and feeling super sweet. Unfortunately she gets in a terrible accident that leaves her shaken and confused. Falshforward a year after her recovery and she’s now a taxi driver, obeying the laws of the street, but longing for the race track. She hangs around the local speedway on the weekends and notices something kinda odd. A car that some of the new guys have been using have fancy tires on them that prevents blowouts. Tires that are only sold in Germany. And didn’t she see those same tires in some of the bank robbery footage on the news? She runs to the police to let them know. They, of course, think nothing of it. Who is this crazy lady who thinks she can identify thieves by their tires? Leave the police work to the police. But one officer recognizes her from her racing days and doesn’t think she’s crazy at all. In fact, he’s sure that she’s the only one that can catch these bank robbers in the act. They team up to catch the crooks. Feel the adrenaline of… TAXI.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Taxi Preview

Alright, this week we transition fully to the Calendar rotation and start in with a comedy. The Calendar is pretty good for BMT street cred, as each film is more or less the worst film released on the day in question. Because of this there is a chance that we will be able to watch a number of 70+ BMeTric films (which is an amazing score). So starting it off right, we dive into the 70.2 BMeTric rated film Taxi starring Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah. This is the worst film released on October 6th. Other notable films: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Employee of the Month, and Assassins. All solid BMT, but not 70.2 BMeTric solid.

Taxi (2004) – BMeTric: 70.2

(Boom. Right out the gate a disaster. Barely sticking above that 70 threshold though. Really depends on the rating now (those fits and starts in the trajectory are it jumping between ratings). I was genuinely shocked at this btw. I didn’t really imagine that this film could be this reviled, I barely remember it exists on the good day.)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars – Hotshot cabbie teams up with an incompetent hot-dog cop in this weak action-comedy. Latifah and Fallon are strangers-turned-buddies out to catch a team of bank robbers (who happen to look like supermodels). Not a good showcase for the Queen or for former Saturday Night Live member Fallon. Produced by Luc Besson, based on the 1998 French film of the same name, which he wrote and coproduced. Extended version runs 112m.

(Leonard is a little familiar with Latifah, just calling her “the Queen.” Weird. I don’t really recall that being a common thing people called her. I do like the pairing of “hotshot” and “hot-dog” that Leonard uses here. Could be used for most every buddy-cop film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCjiNBiEUaQ

(Huh. Having already watched the French version of this film I can tell you that about 30% of the scenes they showed are from the climax of the film. Including three that are from the very last stunt where they catch the bad guys. Oh shit, spoiler alert. Guess I shouldn’t have revealed that Fallon and Latifah catch them at the end. My bad. Now you won’t be surprised.)

Directors – Tim Story – (Known For: Barbershop; Think Like a Man; BMT: Taxi; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Think Like a Man Too; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes: The top grossing African-American director of all time (domestic at least, not sure about worldwide). Actually just retook the top spot from Tyler Perry with Ride Along 2.)

Writers – Luc Besson (earlier screenplay) – (Known For: Lucy; Léon: The Professional; The Fifth Element; Taken; The Transporter; Point of No Return; Transporter 2; La Femme Nikita; The Big Blue; Unleashed; District B13; District 13: Ultimatum; BMT: Taxi; The Transporter Refueled; Brick Mansions; Taken 3; Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard; Transporter 3; Lockout; Arthur 3: The War of the Two Worlds; Arthur and the Invisibles; 3 Days to Kill; Taken 2; The Family; Fanfan; Colombiana; The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc; From Paris with Love; Revolver; Notes: Very influential French filmmaker. Founder of EuropaCorp, a major studio in France.)

Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (screenplay) – (Known For: Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb; Night at the Museum; Mr. Peabody & Sherman; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Herbie Fully Loaded; BMT:Taxi; Balls of Fury; The Pacifier; Hell Baby; Jessabelle; Reno 911!: Miami; Let’s Go to Prison; Notes: Never nominated for a Razzie, which is a bit of a surprise. Seems lately that Garant has been writing more independent of Lennon. Perhaps because Lennon is busy with the CBS show The Odd Couple. Or should I say the CBS smash-hit The Odd Couple.)

Jim Kouf (screenplay) – (Known For: Rush Hour; National Treasure; Gang Related; Stakeout; BMT: Taxi; Snow Dogs; Operation Dumbo Drop; Another Stakeout; Class; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; Notes: Recently in the news after a Puerto Rican film Vasos de Papel was pulled from theaters for being a blatant copy of a film he wrote called Secret Admirer.)

Actors – Queen Latifah – (Known For: Miracles from Heaven; 22 Jump Street; Barbershop 2: Back in Business; Hairspray; Chicago; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Stranger Than Fiction; Ice Age: The Meltdown; The Secret Life of Bees; Juice; Jungle Fever; Bringing Out the Dead; Last Holiday; Set It Off; Brown Sugar; Just Wright; BMT: Taxi; The Dilemma; Scary Movie 3; Pinocchio; Bringing Down the House; Valentine’s Day; The Country Bears; Beauty Shop; The Cookout; The Perfect Holiday; Sphere; House Party 2; Mad Money; What Happens in Vegas; Joyful Noise; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Bone Collector; Notes: Rapper/hip-hop artist/singer/actress. Has won a Grammy, Emmy, and nominated for an Oscar (Chicago). She’s set up pretty well for potentially completing an EGOT before her career is over.)

Jimmy Fallon – (Known For: Jurassic World; Almost Famous; Whip It; Fever Pitch; Anything Else; BMT: Taxi; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Doogal; Jem and the Holograms; Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard; Get Hard; Arthur 3: The War of the Two Worlds; Arthur and the Invisibles; Factory Girl; Notes: Who would have thought that over a decade after making this film together, Gisele would go on The Tonight Show and teach Jimmy how to walk the runway? I wonder if they reminisced about Taxi backstage.)

With a rare appearance from Gisele Bündchen!

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $36,611,066 (Worldwide: $68,895,435 Worldwide)

#14 for the Remake – French genre

(There really aren’t any bad movies on the list besides this one. The more interesting thing is just how far down this is. Below 1989 Three Fugitives? Yeeeeeesh. Wasn’t even really a bomb either, but they must have been planning on more than $36 million domestic)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (11/105): Silly and unfunny remake of a French movie of the same name.

(Wow. RT got real serious on this one. Those are certainly the facts of the matter.)

Poster – Taxi Tilt (C-)

(Likes: Bright yellow base, integration of the title into the scene (clever), and actually provides a lot of visual info about the plot in the scene. Dislikes: Tilt, terrible font and block coloring for all the words on the poster, too basic/not artistic, and the weird foggy background is… not good. Almost a D+, but juuussssst better than that.)

Tagline(s) – He’s armed, but she’s dangerous. (A)

(Out of nowhere Taxi hits on a nearly perfect tagline. Short and sweet? Yup. Clever in some way? Yup. Gives an idea of the plot? Yup. Three for three.)

Notes – Ingrid Vandebosch, one of the female robbers in this film, is married to Jeff Gordon, who has an uncredited cameo in this film. (Athlete film!)

Kevin Bray was originally set to direct, but dropped out. (director of potential BMT films Walking Tall and All About the Benjamins)

Cat in the Hat Recap

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Cat in the Hat?! More like Cat that Falls Flat! (ooooooooooooooof that’s some rough stuff, but I ain’t no Dr. Seuss). Wowzers. Cat in the Hat is a legendary bad movie, it’s got street cred out the wazoo for sure. Mainly because people were already uneasy with the Ron Howard Grinch adaptation and then were met with this cat-astrophe (nailed it). It delivered. Let’s get to the BMT Breakdown!

The Good – Some of the production design is stunning. For what was demanded of them Baldwin and Fanning did a solid job. There is something ahead of its time and irreverent here. I put that in the good column despite …
The Bad – The irreverent adult humor has absolutely no place in a Dr. Seuss adaptation. Myers delivered on being the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen, straight horror movie shit. The storyline makes no sense in the context of even the most basic telling of the children’s book. Myers catchphrase (Oh yeeeeeeeah! He says it like 40 times) and the way he walks is …. It profoundly upsets me.
The BMT – This is certainly a rare one. This has somewhere close to an 80 on the BMeTric (one of the worst movies according to that ever made). And … yes, that is appropriate. If someone asked me “I need a movie for a bad movie night, I’ve seen most things though, what you got?” I would say Cat in the Hat would blow a lot of people’s minds even though it is a child’s movie.

Yet another Audio Sklog-entary. This time with director Bo Welch and Alex Baldwin. I love commentaries with more than one person because there is some banter and prompting and overall a lot more interesting anecdotes. Without Alec this would have been a trainwreck with just Bo. But Alec (1) Keeps on referring to Kelly Preston as “my girl” and whispering creepily about her outfit every time she is on screen. (2) Does a really solid 5 minute impression of a hollywood producer trying to invite him to a party in Aspen which made me laugh more than the actual movie did. (3) Has a strange thread throughout the commentary about how pressed he was for time because he was always running around trying to see his daughter. Interesting because this was right at the time in 2003 when, allegedly, Kim Basinger was intentionally preventing him from seeing his daughter and actively trying to turn her against him (culminating, a few years later, in the notorious voicemail incident). Sure you learn some stuff about the film, but this commentary is genuinely amazing just for the little time capsule it creates around Bo and Alec. Verdict: B+. although I reserve the right to increase it after listening to more of these and realizing most are probably boring.

Jamie

I’m glad Patrick commented on the commentary so I didn’t have to. Baldwin just seemed to have a ball doing it and kinda made it worth listening to.

It’s going to be hard to express my feelings about The Cat in the Hat. Mostly because it’s hard to interpret and convey feelings when your brain has melted. I swear that there is a part of me that believes that if this were any other movie (perhaps one starring Tom Green), I would be sitting here talking about how, ‘you won’t believe it, but this film is NOT THAT BAD and AHEAD OF ITS TIME.’ Except I can’t. I can’t sit here and say that the atrocity committed against the Dr. Suess material was anything but that. An atrocity. But if you took that out of it and said to yourself, ‘This is not a children’s film, this is not an adaptation of a beloved children’s story,’ you start to realize that the film is essentially a stoner film. Jokes on jokes on non sequiturs on jokes. A mile a minute, looking snazzy, with a ridiculous monster-cat Mike Myers literally bouncing off the walls. It’s Adventure Time before that existed. It’s Rick and Morty a decade too early. It’s a spoof of the material that they were supposed to be actually adapting. If it aired on Adult Swim at 3 AM, it would fit right in (outside of the first 15 minutes or so, before Mike Myers shows up). But because it was a children’s film and because it was an adaptation of a beloved children’s story, it was horrifying in the most absurd and ridiculous way. Was it BMT, you ask? Uh, cha.

The Cat in the Hat is obviously based on a beloved children’s story, but I won’t discuss that because it is an abomination (or more like an Obamanation, emirite?). Instead I’m going to Sklogify it. Instead of being an actual adaptation of The Cat and the Hat, Patrick and I would produce a film called The Dog in the Coat. The main character is a child left alone at home by his mom on a rainy day. He is totally fine spending the day with his nose in a book, but a terrifying anthropomorphic dog appears and insists on taking him on an interstate crime spree. The boy spends the day in a state of heightened anxiety as he gets The Dog in the Coat (aided and abetted by his unsettling crony Dr. Whatzit, played by Danny DeVito) out of the increasingly dangerous and irresponsible jams. At the end of the day The Dog in the Coat reveals that since he “learned some lessons or whatever” he will help the kid clean up the house before his mom comes home. Instead he gets drunk and falls asleep and the kid has to clean up the mess himself. This film would transition to a television show where each week The Dog in the Coat ruins the child’s life in a new and creative way. By the way, that’s pretty much what the actual Cat in the Hat film was.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Tuxedo Recap

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! The Tuxedo? More like The Tuxe-don’t!!!! No time to waste, I got BMT Theories to attend to:

The Good – I am nearly always charmed by Jackie Chan. The ending was a solidly entertaining twist on a tired trope (the guy finally getting the girl he fawned over in the beginning, asll you need is confidence!). Some of the practical effects were genuinely impressive (if terrifying for a kids movie). The directing choices showed passion (this is becoming a theme)
The Bad – The plot is linear but convoluted, so weird that it make suspension of disbelief nearly impossible. They utilize wire-work in such a way as to make me not enjoy the one thing I should be enjoying in a Jackie Chan film (martial arts), unbelievable and not fun same as in the Medallion. Hewitt was a bland sidekick (more on this later). The entirety of Jackie Chan pretending to be James Brown, the scene is a travesty to filmmaking in general. The directing choices are out of date (diagonal wipes for scene transitions? What is this, Star Wars?!).
The BMT – Yes, although Jamie and I disagreed a bit on the exact level. If you recall the actual number is 50+ (amazing). Jamie thinks that is about right. I thought this was more like a 30-40. Really just bonkers crazy, but it ain’t no Medallion. Which brings me right to my game.

Welcome to BMT University and a new edition of BMT Theories where I give you a probably terrible theory on bad movies. Let’s roll out the main big budget Chan movies/franchises between ‘98 and ‘08: Rush Hour, Shanghai Noon, The Tuxedo, The Medallion, and Around the World in 80 Days. These all have three common denominators besides Jackie Chan. First, martial arts. Second, a kind of ridiculously convoluted plot. Third, a companion, someone who can make fun of how Jackie Chan looks, speaks, and is in general (comedy!).

My Theory: you can pretty much just rank these movies by the interest of the companion. Chris Tucker and Owen Wilson are a bit neck and neck, but I go Owen Wilson all day (and I like Shanghai Noon over Rush Hour, so there). After that we have The Tuxedo, Hewitt did an admirable (although overly silly/bland) job in the role. The Medallion had Lee Evens in a perpetual gay panic, so that was not a great look. And then Around the World in 80 Days had Steve Coogan sleepwalking around Epcot Center-level sets. Voila, it works!

I do think this movie was slightly better than The Medallion which is where the 30-40 BMeTric assessment comes in. I think The Medallion is 50+, but this one was saved slightly by Hewitt. I’m excited to see how the theory holds up with Spy Next Door where Jackie Chan is paired with three children.

Jamie

As usual I allowed Patrick to tell the story of The Tuxedo to our loyal audience, while I concerned myself more with some of the underlying themes and characteristics that interest us in the BMTverse. Briefly I’ll say that I thought The Tuxedo was bonkers. A great BMT film. Really hacked to shit in editing, super odd pacing to a confounding story arc, and a scenery-eating antagonist extraordinaire. I liked it a lot. Some might disagree.

I’m tired of making up fake book adaptations. Instead, I’ll play a new game called BMysTeries. The Tuxedo provides a perfect opportunity for me to talk way too much about one of my favorite BMT subjects: the setting. I love settings. I find it fascinating to try to figure why particular films are set in particular places. Is it necessary that Chill Factor take place in Montana? Nope. Could have been Small Town, U.S.A., but they chose Montana. Why? Hard to say. But it’s easy to see why New Year’s Eve takes place in New York. Interestingly it’s rare for us to watch a film that doesn’t have an identifiable setting, and even rarer for a film to go out of its way to obscure where it takes place. The Tuxedo is one such film. How do I know it’s not set anywhere? Well whenever I watch a BMT film I always look for evidence pointing to where a film is set (I’m a weirdo): license plates on cars, landmarks, business cards, etc. In The Tuxedo every license plate was the same: “The Great State” listed on top, “Freedom” on the bottom. Additionally, the home address of one of the characters is shown explicitly on screen no less than three times. The state on the address? LI. A made up state abbreviation! Perhaps an underhanded way of implying Long Island = New York… but hard to say as the town names are all made up. You have to give the film credit for going all in on not having a setting. But why? It’s the question I’ve been asking myself all week. Why? Why is it important that the film have no setting? I could understand having fake license plates (cheaper?), but a fake state abbreviation doesn’t save anything (other than saving you from having to specify a setting). It’s a BMysTery. BMysTery #1: Why do settingless films not have a setting?

I will be researching this topic for future entries. Perhaps if I collect enough datapoints, I’ll be able to figure out the benefit that The Tuxedo gained being set in The Great State of LI. For now it’s a spooky mystery.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Tuxedo Preview

Moving onto this week’s film, we were on a quest for a comedy film where the director never directed anything before or since it’s release. This actually turned out to be pretty tough for the genre. Not sure why. Perhaps it’s just more common for comedy directors to be given second or third chances at directing. Who knows. Regardless, we ended up finding the Jackie Chan classic The Tuxedo to fit into the cycle, which was directed by Kevin Donovan, a director known mostly for commercial directing. I’m excited for a little martial arts action comedy adventure. Let’s go!

The Tuxedo (2002) – BMeTric: 52.0

TheTuxedo_BMeT

(I am stunned this ended up with this high of a rating! A BMeTric of 50+ is incredible high echelon stuff. Knowing the medallion though I can see it. It has been dropping a bit recently, probably (this is my current theory) because people who watched the film as children (you love everything when you are a child, see Hook and Hackers in my case) are now older and rating things online. I bet there are more than a few people who are like “The Tuxedo is bad?!??!”)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5/4 stars – The movie is silly beyond comprehension, and even if it weren’t silly, it would still be beyond comprehension.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Dreadful concoction casts Chan as a cabbie-turned-chauffeur who must take the place of his new boss, a dashing government spy; when he dons the secret agent’s tuxedo, he acquires superhuman skills. Boneheaded movie replaces (or augments) Chan’s dazzling martial arts skills with special effects; what’s more, the script’s t&a “humor” is a poor fit for the ever likeable star. Hewitt is incredibly obnoxious as Jackie’s new partner. Bob Balaban appears unbilled.

(Lots to unpack here. Leonard certainly has a lot to say. Love his excessive use of semicolons. Classic Len. Also love the shade he’s throwing at the script through the use of quotation marks around “humor.” Finally, he singles out Hewitt for being incredibly obnoxious. Is it possible that she’s more obnoxious than Chris Tucker in the Rush Hour series? If so, bravo.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHAOLihH58s

(This is late 90’s, early 2000s candy for my brain. I’m so excited. I think my two favorite things from the trailer are the “shake_booty” option on the tux… which is wonderfully awful and the fact that the tux is Devlin’s “2 billion dollar secret.” Haha, what? Why that amount of money? Is the cost of production an important plot point?)

Director(s) – Kevin Donovan – (BMT: The Tuxedo; Notes: An internationally recognized commercial and music video director. Was attached to direct Beverly Hills Chihauhau, but dropped out due to creative differences.)

Writer(s) – Michael Leeson (screenplay) – (Known For: The War of the Roses; What Planet Are You From?; BMT: The Tuxedo; The Survivors; Notes: A prolific and renowned tv writer he has been nominated (and won) several Emmys and was nominated for a BAFTA and Academy Award. Wrote for the Cosby Show)

Michael J. Wilson (story, screenplay) – (Known For: Ice Age; BMT: Shark Tale; The Tuxedo; Notes: Mostly a kids film writer as far as credits, I wouldn’t be surprised is he was a script doctor.)

Matt Manfredi and Phil Hay (story) – (Known For: Crazy/Beautiful; The Invitation; BMT: Clash of the Titans; R.I.P.D. (BMT); Ride Along; The Tuxedo; Ride Along 2; Aeon Flux; Notes: Look at that filmography! They kind of got their break with The Tuxedo and that have really come up from there. Ride Along in particular was a huge success. This movie was a patchwork operation though, for sure.)

Actors – Jackie Chan – (Known For: Kung Fu Panda; Rush Hour; Rush Hour 2; Shanghai Noon; The Forbidden Kingdom; Shanghai Knights; The Karate Kid; Kung Fu Panda 2; Rumble in the Bronx; Enter the Dragon; Kung Fu Panda 3; Supercop 2; The Legend of Drunken Master; Supercop; Police Story 2; Police Story; Operation Condor; New Police Story; BMT: Rush Hour 3 (seen it); Around the World in 80 Days (BMT); The Tuxedo; The Spy Next Door; The Medallion (BMT); Police Story: Lockdown; The Protector; The Cannonball Run; Cannonball Run II; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Notes: Has the potential to be a BMT darling of sorts. The Medallion was a great BMT, so we are excited for this and Spy Next Door in particular. His movies often feature fight scene using props, cheeky slapstick humor, and a series of during-credits outtakes)

Jennifer Love Hewitt – (Known For: Can’t Hardly Wait; Heartbreakers; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; I Still Know What You Did Last Summer; The Tuxedo; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; The Audrey Hepburn Story; The Hunchback of Notre Dame II; Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit; Delgo; The Suburbans; House Arrest; Garfield – The Movie; Notes: Probably best known for her television work (Party of Five for example). Married to Brian Hallisay (only BMT film: Jessabelle), and according to IMDb is a huge fan of the Glasgow Celtic Football Club.)

Budget/Gross: $60 million / $50,547,998 ($104,391,623 Worldwide)

(That is quite the budget. At the time Chan was huge though. Rush Hour (30 million budget ballooning to 140 million by the time Rush Hour 3 came about), Shanghai Noon (55 million budget), and this each came out 2 years apart from each other (1998, 2000 and 2002). I think they were looking for their next franchise to insert him into. Shanghai Knights and Rush Hour 3 subsequently kind of stopped Chan’s career progressing in its tracks. This movie didn’t help, 100 million worldwide, yikes!)

Rotten Tomatoes: 21% (30/138), Chan is as charming as ever, but his talents are squandered by special effects and bad writing.

(I feel like this consensus from RT could have also been used for Around the World in 80 Days. Like Chan was charming, but the writing was shit and he didn’t get to do his usual stunt magic.)

Poster – Ooooo, look at that font, sexy (D)

tuxedo_ver3

(I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really do not like that background mix of colors. Makes it look like garbage. Only good thing I can say about it is the font for the title is bomb (Patrick Note: While staring transfixed by this poster I exclaimed “The font on The Tuxedo is … incredible!” Twin time). I would love to see Patrick try to spoof that shit.)

Tagline(s) – He’s Not Looking For Trouble… He’s Wearing It. (B)

Class. Action. Suit. (A…. mazing)

(I generally stick to just the tagline on the poster, but the second one here is just too good. The one from the poster is surprisingly decent. Just a little wordy. Otherwise fairly clever and tells me a bit about the film. The second one is ridiculous. Like what does “Class action suit” have to do with anything? It makes me laugh. I’m laughing at it right now.)

Notes – When Jimmy goes through Mr. Devlin’s address book looking for “Walter Strider”, he finds phone numbers for Claudia Schiffer, Norman Schwarzkopf, Stephen Sondheim, and George M. Steinbrenner III (first names added). All of the numbers have special characters inserted to ensure that they are not real numbers that people might try to call. (Literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard)

The “high tech” sniper rifle featured in the movie, is really a scoped competition air rifle from Steyr. Nothing is done to hide this fact, the gun is in its original state. (get me the internet movie firearms database stat! It’s a real thing and, yes, this note is specifically made here)

At the premiere there was a chimp in a suit and hat. (What, why?)

Bill Murray: Can be seen in the final gallery scene as a customer. (WTF, that is kind of hilarious)

Juwanna Mann Recap

Jamie

Last week I got to talk a whole bunch about the New Jersey State Prison that was featured in the film Lock Up. Unfortunately, I was never employed by the Charlotte Hornets, so I can’t give similar insight for Juwanna Mann. Instead I’ll take this time to speak about the athletes that were featured in the film (that’s part of the reason it was chosen after all). In the film we got to see Jamal Jeffries play for the Charlotte Beat, a fictional team consisting of him, Vlade Divac, Muggsy Bogues, Dikembe Mutombo, and Rasheed Wallace. This would probably be the most entertaining team in the history of the NBA (two seven-footers, Jamal, the shortest player in the NBA, and Rassshhheeeeed Wallace!), but a trainwreck otherwise. As far as acting goes they were all pretty solid. I was pleasantly surprised. However, they were only featured in the opening scene, which is a shame. If I could have a wish granted regarding this film, it would be that there existed some cut scene where Rasheed shows up to try out for the Banshees dressed in drag, only to get quickly ushered out by Jamal. Rasheed reveals that he knows Juwanna is Jamal (“Balls don’t lie,” says Rasheed, pointing at Juwanna’s crotch) and wants in on the action. Jamal refuses and Rasheed promises to not reveal the secret. Having been neatly tied up, the plot point is never heard from again. Sigh… if only.

I certainly would wonder how it was possible that a man could play on the team for a whole season without having a physical/drug test reveal his gender. I would have to conclude that there was a conspiracy to let it happen (for increased ratings) or that the league was so financially strapped that simple physicals weren’t even conducted. Neither option would be a good look for the league.

By the way there is a fantastic MonoSklog in this film. We knew this film probably had a MonoSklog (because… well… it just would) and it really, really delivered. Big Momma’s House level banananananananas. I call it Mi Equipo Es muy bonito. Well worth checking out if you can find it (it does not appear to be on YouTube).

As for my BMTsolution: this film was not based on a book… but if it was it would be a 1970s postmodern novel about how Buffalo Braves star Jared Jefferson struggles to cope with the pressures of NBA stardom along with those related to his secret life as a man in the midst of a male-to-female sex change operation. I would have read the book and been touched by its stirring portrayal of Jared’s vulnerabilities in a world that has yet to know his true self. Then I would watch Juwanna Mann and realize what the film was trying to tell us all along: life’s too short. Laugh once in awhile. It would then go on to win the Smaddies Baddies Freddy Got Fingered Award for film that isn’t that bad. Alas, what could have been.

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Juwanna Mann? More like Iwanna Turn This Movie Off! Heeeeeyooooo. BMTsolution means I need to be positive …. I believe in myself, I can do this. Let’s get into it.

Good – I thought Pollak, despite apparently having no desire to be in this film, was pretty solid, especially in the second half of the movie. The movie’s premise isn’t as ludicrous as I thought it would be. And the movie is charming in a we-aren’t-going-to-even-address-the-absurdity-so-don’t-even-worry-about-it kind of way.
Bad – The premise is ludicrous and absurd. It only gets more so when they finally address the fact that Juwanna would have been immediately drug tested by the league, and then forget about it two seconds later.
Nunez is okay, but there is no way a movie like this should rely on him.
In something like Big Momma’s House or Norbit the makeup itself was enough to warrant the movie existing. It was legitimately impressive (there is a reason Norbit was nominated for an Oscar, the makeup). Here … Nunez pretty much wears some foundation and fake boobs. Congrats guys.
I’ll end it just by saying: in the movie his team is allowed to continue playing in the playoffs after he is caught, WTF?! That is ridiculous.

Let’s do a new game called BMT News with George Sklogonopoulos. In this game I’ll pose a social-impact question from the recently watched movie and try and answer it. Here: If the events of Juwanna Mann occurred in real life what would this mean for the WNBA, and what would happen to Jefferies?

In my opinion: The playoffs would be suspended pending a large scale investigation and most of the high-level executives for the WNBA would be removed. Jamal Jefferies would be banned for life from all sporting activities and would become a pariah, especially once allegation of sexual assault are uncovered (and they would be, he assaults all of the women throughout the film). This would be the biggest sports story in history, so explosive it would potentially take down an entire league. And it would make an incredible movie eventually, a truly heart-breaking drama of a man who wanted to play basketball so badly he lied to the world. I’m tearing up here. Get Netflix on the horn, we’re doing a reboot of the franchise.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Juwanna Mann Preview

This week is Juwanna Mann. I vaguely remember this film coming out and being appalled. Didn’t seem to make sense that anyone, anywhere thought it was a good idea and I was like 14. This makes it perfect for the comedy entry in the Aiiirrrrbbbaaallllll! cycle. In Juwanna Mann we have a plethora of active (at the time) NBA talent featured. Rasheed Wallace? Vlade Divac? Dikembe Mutombo? Yes, yes, and yes. Ball don’t lie, baby. Ball don’t lie. For those keeping track, Juwanna Mann is indeed part of the (366) Days of Bummer. June 21st in the books. Yay! Let’s go!

Juwanna Mann (2002) – BMeTric: 37.4

JuwannaMann_BMeT

(This trajectory makes sense because the movie came out in 2002, so the number of votes were still in the initial rise a few years later presumably. Despite a rather drastic increase in the IMDB rating (4.0 to 4.5 in the last three years, why?), the score has settled in quite nicely at around 40, which is what I would expect I think.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Egocentric basketball star torpedoes his own career and no one in the NBA will hire him – until he disguises himself as a woman and joins a female team. Naturally, he’s attracted to one of his colleagues – and predictably, he suffers a crisis of conscience as the experience turns him into a better man. This is Tootsie light – or is it tootsie dark? Similarities to that classic comedy are superficial at best. Several real-life sports figures appear as themselves.

(That “tootsie dark” joke is a little passé Leonard. I would say he should scrap that one in future editions but there are no more future editions. Too late. “Several real-life sports figures appear as themselves” is the most important takeaway from all this.)

Trailer – https://youtu.be/LfGnspMWpUY

(Woah. That starts off with some really bad jokes. Like the stamp joke seems to belong in a spoof and not a film that purports to be set in a real world. And then he’s dancing with some twins and he yells “I got to rethink cloning.” I love the use of the word “rethink” in that joke. The implication being that Jamal has thought long and hard about the biomedical ethics of the process… but then these hot twins got him all confused! After that I blacked out and didn’t get to see the rest of the trailer. I presume it’s pretty much the same as Big Momma’s House.)

Director(s) – Jesse Vaughan – (BMT: Juwanna Mann; Notes: A 27-time emmy award winner (mostly news and sports) before directing his one and only feature film in Juwanna Mann)

Writer(s) – Bradley Allenstein (written by) – (BMT: Who’s Your Caddy?; Juwanna Mann; Notes: This entire thing is fascinating. Here’s an article about Juwanna Mann. Basically it seems like Vaughan got attached because Allenstein knew Steve Oedekerk, who worked on In Living Color with Vaughan. I have a feeling they were attempting to do this on the cheap hoping for a fast and decent return.)

Actors – Miguel A. Núñez Jr. – (Known For: The Return of the Living Dead; Life; Lethal Weapon 3; Black Dynamite; BMT: Juwanna Mann; Scooby-Doo; Street Fighter (seen it); The Adventures of Pluto Nash (seen it); Meet Dave; Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (seen it); Leprechaun 4: In Space (seen it); Notes: Was at one time a telemarketer for the Lakers. Was cut out of Lethal Weapon where he had a fight scene with Mel Gibson.)

Budget/Gross: $15,600,000 / $13,670,733 ($13,802,599 Worldwide)

(So close to breaking even! Surprisingly there is little of interest in the actual release numbers. Not the worst release ever, but not very good.)

Rotten Tomatoes: 9% (8/83), With its tired premise, Juwanna Mann’s jokes fall flat.

(This is the saddest RT consensus I’ve ever seen. Couldn’t even get up enough to throw a cheesy pun at us? Unless “fall flat” is a play on words… is it? I don’t think it is… but is it? Nah… or maybe… nah.)

Poster – Double Basketball Photoshop Nightmare

(This may be the worst poster we have had since we started including it in the email. Dear God. Everything I hate is included in this one. Avert your eyes, it’s hideous. Why is he standing on a giant basketball? Why is everyone perched upon the title like clipart? Why isn’t Juwanna Man in the center of the poster? Is it because his head would hit the bottom two names? WHY ARE THERE SEVEN PEOPLE LISTED ON THIS POSTER?! I’M LOSING MY MIND)

Tagline(s) – The only way he can stay pro, is to play (like) a girl. (F)

(Oh my God! Could this film from concept to advertising campaign represent the nadir of filmmaking? I can’t even read this with a straight face. It is awful. Was this film a tax scam or something?)

Notes – Kevin Pollak has said that when he signed on to the film, Will Smith was set to star. (haha, in what universe do you live Kevin Pollak?)

Tyra Banks was originally cast as Michelle Langford. (alrighty then)

Chris Tucker turned down the lead role. (good for you Chris Tucker)

Found a full section on this film in the book “Sports Heroines on Film.” Spoiler Alert! Gives away the fact that Juwanna Mann gives an impassioned speech to his teammates in the film! Which is like an anti-spoiler. Makes me even more excited.

Ridiculous 6 Recap

Jamie

Ridiculous Six… *shudders*… Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone. Ridiculous Six? More like Ridiculous that we watched this non-movie! Ayyyyyyoooooooo. Unfinished Business tried to ruin my Tgivs, and this one tried to ruin my Christmas. I will overcome. I will persevere. Let’s get into it:

We had some walkouts! Watching with the Fam to start they quickly fled in a panic. Is this what we do with our lives? Is this what I have been allowed to become?! Sadly yes, I “watched” the whole thing. If putting my brain into Windows sleep mode while pointing my eyes vaguely in the direction of the television counts as watching something.
The dialogue! Does a movie have a script if it seems like nothing is written down? The movie starts with Adam Sandler deadpanning a list of groceries to a backwoods trader as I quietly breathed “oh God, what hath we wrought upon our beautiful BMT”. There are exactly two good jokes in the movie, and they aren’t even funny.
I don’t know … the movie seems like it cost a lost of money. You’d think someone would be in charge of making sure a somewhat funny movie was made. But just… like Vanilla Ice Mark Twain and a uncontrollably shitting donkey (sorry, burro … sigh) just, why?
That’s it, I can’t do any more, this movie was bad. I’m going to say it: straight dog poo in my face. Or caca de perro en mi cara according to Rob Schnieder’s totally not racist Mexican caricature.

Welp, there it is. We did it. We did a Netflix Original. Hopefully this is the first and last, because I like Netflix. Although, I am very curious about what is happening in this Crouching Tiger trailer with the music?

I feel like there is an interesting story there. I’ll just leave it there, no game this time.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Ridiculous Six Preview

Alright, so for the week of Christmas Patrick and I wanted to give all our loyal readers a real treat. That’s right! Ridiculous Six! I’m sure all of you were gnashing your teeth waiting to find out whether BMT would in fact watch Ridiculous Six. On one hand it is a terribly reviewed film starring Adam Sandler. What more could we ask for? On the other it did not release to theaters as it was part of Sandler’s new deal with Netflix. Usually this is a near-automatic disqualification. In the end our BMeTric told us that this was not a film to miss so we decided to watch it. Without further ado: Ridiculous Six. Let’s go!

The Ridiculous 6 (2015) – BMeTric: 37.2 (at the time), 54.7 (February 18, 2016)

Ridiculous6_BMeT

(This was rather high considering it has been out on Netflix for only 20 days or so, and now it has entered rarefied air, a 50+ BMeTric. It should probably stay around here, without a DVD release it does seem to be plateauing. Note: plot generated February 18, 2016).

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Little did I know how bad it would be. The combined –isms of a script in which a Native American character is named “Beaver Breath” are overwhelmingly unfunny enough, but it’s really only one aspect of the monumental failure on display in a film that is almost bafflingly bad.

(Bafflingly bad is all we can hope for. Like Ghosts of Mars, Silent Hill 2, or Color of Night. Simple bafflement on what we are seeing on the screen.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUp7Qgimn38

(That is incomprehensible. Methinks they give no indication of a plot in the trailer because the movie in fact does not have one.)

Director(s) – Frank Coraci – (Known For: The Wedding Singer; BMT: Click (seen it); The Waterboy (seen it); Blended (seen it); Here Comes the Boom; Around the World in 80 Days (seen it); Zookeeper (seen it); The Ridiculous 6; Notes: Ha, the second film of his we’ve done in the last few weeks with Around the World in 80 Days. Can complete his BMT filmography with Here Come the Boom.)

Writer(s) – Tim Herlihy – (Known For: Big Daddy; Happy Gilmore; The Wedding Singer; Billy Madison; BMT: Just Go with It (seen it); The Waterboy (seen it); Mr. Deeds (seen it); Grown Ups 2 (seen it); Little Nicky (seen it); Bedtime Stories; Pixels (Seen it); The Ridiculous 6; Notes: Can complete his BMT filmography with Bedtime Stories. He was the college roommate of Adam Sandler and had a perfect LSAT score according to IMDB. Nominated for Worst Screenplay: Grown Ups 2 (2013), Little Nicky (2000), Big Daddy (1999))

Adam Sandler – (Known For: Big Daddy; Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Hotel Transylvania 2; BMT: Grown Ups( seen it); Just Go with It (seen it); The Waterboy (seen it); Grown Ups 2 (seen it); Little Nicky (seen it); Pixels (seen it); Jack and Jill (seen it); Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (seen it); The Ridiculous 6; You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (seen it); Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights (seen it); Notes: Nominated for Worst Actor, Blended (2014), Grown Ups 2 (2013), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Eight Crazy Nights (2002), Mr. Deeds (2002), Little Nicky (2000), The Waterboy (1998), Bulletproof (1996), Happy Gilmore (1996); Won for Worst Actor, That’s My Boy (2012), Jack and Jill (2011), Just Go with It (2011), Big Daddy (1999); Nominated for Worst Screenplay, Grown Ups 2 (2013), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Little Nicky (2000), Big Daddy (1999); Won for Worst Screenplay, Jack and Jill (2011).)

Actors – Adam Sandler – (Known For: Big Daddy; Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Hotel Transylvania 2; BMT: Grown Ups (seen it); Just Go with It (seen it); The Waterboy (seen it); Grown Ups 2 (seen it); Little Nicky (seen it); Pixels (seen it); Jack and Jill (seen it); Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (seen it); The Ridiculous 6; You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (seen it); Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights (seen it); Notes: IMDB notes that his characters often have a penchant for “brand name foods” like Snack Pack. This sounds suspiciously like product placement.)

Budget/Gross: N/A / N/A (N/A Worldwide)

(Yup, released directly as a Netflix original. This caused massive confusion in the Razzie circles (fine, it was like three people) because you need to have a release to qualify for the awards, similar to the rule with the Oscars. Indeed, Ridiculous Six was not nominated for a single award.)

Rotten Tomatoes: 0% (0/25), Every bit as lazily offensive as its cast and concept would suggest, The Ridiculous Six is standard couch fare for Adam Sandler fanatics and must-avoid viewing for film enthusiasts of every other persuasion.

(Rough. But also confusing. The fact that this only garnered 25 reviews is weird to me. It is so easy to access you would think blogs and newspapers would be falling all over themselves to write some snarky review about the first terrible Netflix original. If I was a one to suggest conspiracy I would say this smacks to strong-arming by those who dislike the VOD model.)

Poster – Seven Samurai-esque

(I kind of weirdly like this. The structure is kind of unique (most Seven Samurai based movies go for the horizontal arrangement), I like the color scheme, and it tells you the most important part of this film: we’ve got a fuck ton of people in this. The only issue I have is the weird “age” artifacts (wrinkles at the top, the font, etc.) seem kind of haphazardly added after the fact.)

Tagline(s) – None

(Blasphemy. Let’s make up a few. Here’s the useless one “They’re Ridiculous”. Here’s one that sounds good but is meaningless “Conspicuously Ridiculous”. And here’s one that is too long, “They’re father has just been captured. Time to band together for a good old fashioned rescue!”. And here’s my attempt, “Six outlaws. One father. Too Ridiculous”)

Notes – In April 2015, it was reported that about a dozen Native American actors and actresses walked off the set over objections to their portrayal in the movie. More specifically, they were allegedly offended by inaccuracies in costumes and character names (such as Beaver’s Breath and No Bra). Netflix responded by saying that the film is a broad satire of Western movies and their stereotypes, and that “[it] has ‘ridiculous’ in the title for a reason”. In the end, the stories turned out to be exaggerated as only four actors out of a group of 150 extras had left the set. (Classic)

The movie was initially to be produced by Sony Pictures, and then Paramount Pictures, but both studios passed on the project. Warner Bros was in an advanced state of negotiations, but after Adam Sandler signed a four-picture deal with Netflix, they also dropped the project. Some of the alleged reasons included Sandler’s recent streak of box office bombs (including That’s My Boy (2012), Blended (2014) and Men, Women & Children (2014)), the box office failure of the similarly Western-themed comedy A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014), as well as fear that Sandler’s Netflix contract would put the movie on hold for too long. Finally, Netflix stepped in and picked up the movie as part of Sandler’s contract. (Huh, didn’t know there was a whole story to this guy. I was just thinking about how weird it was to make this when A Million Ways to Die in the West bombed so badly).

Keywords – american indian stereotype; racial joke; racial stereotype; native american stereotype;

(I’m sorry, I just was cracking up with these IMDB keywords)

Pixels Recap

Jamie

Patrick and I had to look ourselves in the mirror last week (and by mirror I mean a sheet of glass that we look at each other through). As the email develops and grows (literally… to interminable length), we periodically have to reflect on whether it is growing stale and whether it is time to SHAKE THINGS UP. Last week was that time. And the answer was yes. Time for a BMT Shake Up. It’s not going to change much. We’re just going to try to make sure we aren’t repeating ourselves. The front part of the email is where we fool around (before getting to the super serious second half of the email) and we found ourselves making the same points, playing the same games, and generally repeating ourselves. In an email this long, we should try not to be redundant since the email’s too long. For the most part this will just mean that we’ll start working on the email together, rather than separately. It’ll help us tighten the bolts. Provide structure where there previously had been none. Not really aiming to shorten the email per se, but really just cut out the extra fat so we can add lean joke meat back into the email. So here we go… I guess this is this week’s anecdote.

To start, I have to go on record saying I also didn’t totally mind the film. I wouldn’t say I liked it though. Just OK… like a lot of the poorly reviewed films from this year. It feels a bit like this is the year of the OK film. But that is a discussion for a later time.

Because right now is game time. Usually this is time for a MonoSklog (and Pixels certainly had a couple primo examples), but I had a little inspiration this morning for a new installment of Sklognalysis. That’s where I go all philosophical and/or analytical on a film that probably doesn’t need that much reading into. In this case I want to draw a parallel between Pixels (and Happy Madison Productions as a whole) and the culture of a hockey locker room as described by Montreal Canadiens legend Ken Dryden. In his autobiography The Game he describes a hockey locker room in the following words:

… there is another level of dialogue we can all hear. It is all loud, invigorating, paced to the mood of the room, the product of wound-up bodies with wound-up minds. It’s one line, a laugh, and get out of the way of the next guy – “jock humor.” It is like a “roast,” the kind of intimate, indiscriminate carving that friends do to keep egos under control. Set in motion, it rebounds by word association, thought association, by “off the wall” anything association, just verbal reflex, whatever comes off your tongue, the more outrageous the better. Elections, murders, girl friends, body shapes, body parts… it is anything for a laugh.

Jokes at the expense of others? Ripping on everything and anything to get a laugh? A team of guys spewing what might be called “jock humor”?! Isn’t that Happy Madison?! They sit around poking fun at each other and genuinely having fun. Each movie they invite you to spend some time with their team of guys who are trying to do the impossible together (make a successful comedy/win a Stanley Cup). If you embrace it and go into it with an open mind, then you might feel like you’re part of the team and begin to enjoy yourself. If you’re a snobby asshole BMT writer that sits in the corner going ‘this locker room smells and I don’t like these people and I don’t like hockey. Harrump’ then guess what? You won’t. It’s a team and they’re just asking you to be their teammates and enjoy the ride. I’m convincing myself at this point! We’re working on a whole other Sandler level here at BMT!

Patrick

Helló mindenki! That’s right, I watched this movie in Budapest, so some Hungarian in your face. Pixels!? More like This Smells! (Sandler slammmmmmmmed). Are you guys ready for a BMT Shake Up Brought To You By Pepsi MAX!? What a Shake Up means is I am not supposed to be so verbose. So three quick points, in and out, hit it:

The Good – I actually kind of liked this movie. In the immortal words of Bill Simmons: “My kids love this movie”. I’m sure they do, Bill. I would if I was a young lad just yearning for CGI distractions. All in all the jokes had a decent hit percentage. The actors didn’t totally look like they were phoning it in, and the CGI was gorgeous. What more could you ask for?
The Bad – Well … Josh Gad was pretty rough. And the kid actors. And Kevin James. So yeah, the acting was actually pretty terrible. And the movie just felt kind of lazy overall. At one point they just repeat a bunch of jokes from early Sandler films. And rip-off of Armageddon of all movies. The script felt very punched up. Lots of lampshading and other techniques to add in “jokes” to what is in reality a bunch of exposition held together by a plot featuring Kevin James as the president of the United States … yeah, might have wanted to rethink that.
The British – And I was genuinely offended by the portrayal of England in this film. As Jamie said “hey, they’re in Patrick’s backyard”. First of all, I got super amped because they were in Hyde Park which I literally work like 100 feet from … but then it was clearly in some park in Los Angeles and there were no other outdoor scenes. Gross.
The BMT – Yep I think so. Although it might be too good I have a feeling most people would disagree with us. Weirdly 30-40 sounds right, exactly where it is..

Bam. Quick. Those are my thoughts. Can I just sneak in a shoutout to Dan Aykroyd and Crystal Skull Vodka, both of which made a completely illogical product placement cameo in this film. It was glorious. In the spirit of our newly found brevity I’ll end it there. Búcsú.