Oh man, so get this. I’m a kickboxer. I get kickboxed in the head all the time. I’ve sustained a thousand concussions. I don’t remember anything. Do you remember what happened in Kickboxer?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) JCVD and his bro are off to Thailand to show off older brother’s championship kickboxing skillz. What freaks JCVD out about the upcoming match?
2) What injury does the brother sustain?
3) Welp time to train. How does JCVD meet his Mr. Miyagi?
4) How does not-Mr.-Miyagi get JCVD into the big fight?
5) What do the bad guys do to try and psych out JCVD right before the fight?
Bonus Question: So what happens to JCVD after the big fight?
Arthur is looking outta sight. Collar? Popped. Pants? Tight. Sideburns? Loooong. His summer has been spent jamming to the latest hits on his record player. His dad had one word of advice for him as he navigates this crazy thing called life: “why don’t you get outside for some fresh air?” And with that he swept his arm in the general direction of Central Park and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (nature’s movie is Born Free) he ventures forth and soon finds himself groovin’ around the park. Just when he catches the eye of a lady and pops her a patented Arthur Finger Gun, he feels a hand grab his shoulder. “Did you just pop my gal a Finger Gun, buddy?” A fellow of the football variety asks him. Arthur assures this fine fellow that in fact he was popping the finger gun to the old peanut vendor that happened to be behind his gal. He also assures him that he’s got a nice gal himself up in the Niagara Falls area that wouldn’t take kindly to such behavior on his part. But this doesn’t fool the football fellow and Arthur soon finds himself upside down in a trash can. “I can’t abide this!” he says, slamming his fist into the side of the trash can. But what can he do? He looks over at a flier for kickboxing lessons. He nods his head slowly but eventually discards the idea. He is already a martial arts master. “I need to showz these bozoz.” He says, which is not only a very cool thing to say, but also happens to be a cosmic key that inadvertently connects him to his ancient ancestors. His eyes glaze over and he enters a patented Artorius Memory. That’s right! Arthur may not be taking Kickboxing lessons, but we are. We are watching the JCVD classic Kickboxer where JCVD kickboxes a bunch (I’m just guessing). We are also pairing this with Kickbozer 2 and 3 which look pretty great (even though they replace JCVD with Step by Step’s Sasha Mitchell). Let’s go!
Kickboxer (1989) – BMeTric: 20.8; Notability: 14
StreetCreditReport.com –Notability: top 23.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.9%; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, Harlem Nights, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Leviathan, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Listen to Me, Family Business, Millennium, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 38 more; Lower RT: The Toxic Avenger Part II, Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Speed Zone, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, House III: The Horror Show, Elves, Worth Winning, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, Wild Orchid, No Holds Barred, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, The Lemon Sisters, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, and 38 more; Notes: The Top 10 90s Listing Plays for qualified films: The Karate Kid Part III (161); Who’s Harry Crumb? (136); Physical Evidence (94); Family Business (91); Road House (89); Pink Cadillac (82); Speed Zone (78); Harlem Nights (75); Gross Anatomy (75); Dream a Little Dream (75). Only seen one of those. This ain’t on there either, Kickboxer played around 46 times, so a decent amount. Man, Karate Kid III played like a thousand times in 1990.
Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars – Van Damme seeks revenge against Thai fighter who crippled his brother. Strictly by the numbers. Followed by several unrelated sequels.
(UNRELATED! Slander. The main character is supposed to be the younger brother of the two characters from Kickboxer. Relatedly I’m a bit surprised at least the second didn’t get a review in the Maltin book, but I guess there is a bridge that is even too far for Leonard.)
(Cannon. Nuf said. But for real, that looks bomb. Ridiculous that people are like “dumb movie”.)
Directors – Mark DiSalle – ( Future BMT: The Perfect Weapon; BMT: Kickboxer; Notes: Color me a bit skeptical here. He is a producer and only has credits for Kickboxer basically. I imagine he directed the film, but brought in Worth to “advise” or something?)
David Worth – (Notes: Oddly he isn’t in TMDB or something? He has directed a ton of stuff, including a few Cynthia Rothrock films we’ll probably watch.)
Writers – Mark DiSalle – ( Known For: Kickboxer: Vengeance; BMT: Kickboxer; Notes: Yeah there is very little about this guy, and I can’t be bothered to look it up. He doesn’t have a wiki … I think he just really really liked kickboxing?)
Jean-Claude Van Damme – ( Known For: Kickboxer: Vengeance; The Eagle Path; The Order; Future BMT: Lionheart; BMT: Kickboxer; Double Impact; The Quest; Notes: This and Bloodsport are the guys. He apparently heavily edited Black Eagle, and then in Bloodsport and this he claims in some places that he did all of the directing and choreography for the kickboxing. And in both of those he brought along Michel Qissi who was his good friend from Belgium.)
Glenn A. Bruce – ( Known For: Cyborg Cop; BMT: Kickboxer; Notes: Apparently was originally tapped to develop Bloodsport as well, but lost the project. Afterwards he was brought on to develop Kickboxer.)
Actors – Jean-Claude Van Damme – ( Known For: The Expendables 2; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Kung Fu Panda 2; Bloodsport; Kung Fu Panda 3; Street Fighter; Hard Target; Timecop; No Retreat, No Surrender; In Hell; Sudden Death; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning; Kickboxer: Retaliation; The Last Mercenary; Inferno; JCVD; Black Water; Legionnaire; Kickboxer: Vengeance; Welcome to the Jungle; Future BMT: Last Action Hero; Lionheart; Breakin’; Death Warrant; Maximum Risk; Nowhere to Run; Missing in Action; BMT: Universal Soldier; Cyborg; Kickboxer; Double Impact; The Quest; Double Team; Universal Soldier: The Return; Knock Off; Notes: Y’all know Van Damme. This film is chockablock with his friends from Belgium and the wider kickboxing community. Dare I say this is probably the best example he has of creating the movie he was born to create. Bloodsport is the only one that could maybe stand beside it.)
Dennis Alexio – ( Known For: Picasso Trigger; BMT: Kickboxer; Notes: Picasso Trigger?! You kidding me? His IMDb bio is quality: “Dennis “The Terminator” Alexio is considered to be one of, if not the, greatest heavyweight kickboxing champion in the sport’s history. His record is an outstanding 70-2, with 65 wins by way of knockout.” Ignore the later stuff about outstanding child support and bank fraud. Actually seems to be most famous for getting his shin shattered during a widely televised match.)
Dennis Chan – ( Known For: The Man with the Iron Fists; Naked Weapon; Yes, Madam!; Kickboxer 2: The Road Back; God of Gamblers; Twin Dragons; Heart of Dragon; Kickboxer 3: The Art of War; Fight Back to School; Future Cops; A Simple Life; Naked Killer 2; A True Mob Story; Seventh Moon; Naughty Boys; I Love Maria; Mermaid Got Married; The Lunatics; Pom Pom; Hong Kong Corruptor; BMT: Kickboxer; Knock Off; Notes: Oh snap he was in Knock Off too?! He was in the original trilogy, but doesn’t seem to have made the jump to the fourth one. Was born in Hong Kong and he and his brother seemed to have been big deals there.)
Budget/Gross – $2.7 million / Domestic: $14,697,005 (Worldwide: $14,697,005)
(Yeah that’s solid. But Van Damme is going to Van Damme and can’t be locked into a Kickboxer franchise. So he moves onwards and upwards to fame.)
(Wait, how did I transport back in time and hang this poster up in my childhood bedroom? I like the color scheme. Font isn’t great, but I like how it’s like old school cartoon art. I think it looks pretty cool. A-.)
Tagline(s) – An Ancient Sport Becomes A Deadly Game. (B)
(That’s not a bad cadence. Not sure about the juxtaposition of Ancient and Deadly, but it’s trying something, so I can forgive some of the clunkiness and length.)
Keyword(s) – daddio
Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 59.0 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.9 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.7 Speed Zone (1989), 41.7 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.4 Club Paradise (1986), 39.0 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 36.0 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.4 Spring Break (1983), 34.2 Father Hood (1993)
BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Kickboxer (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
Best Options (IMDb keyword kickboxing):20.8 Kickboxer (1989)
(Oh good there was a kickboxing one to do. Joking, I matched up Kickboxer to a funny keyword to see if any other kickboxing films that qualified would work for the cycle. Evidently not. Here we are just doing the most obvious and hilarious qualified-friends trilogy we could find.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jean-Claude Van Damme is No. 1 billed in Kickboxer and No. 1 billed in Universal Soldier, which also stars Dolph Lundgren (No. 2 billed) who is in Expend4bles (No. 4 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Norm of the North we can get the HoE Number down to 12.
Notes – Dennis Alexio, who plays Eric Sloane, was a World Light Heavyweight and World Cruiserweight kick boxing champion in real life.
The scene in which Kurt has meat tied to his leg and is chased by Xian Chow’s dog was inspired by a real-life event in which a young Jean-Claude Van Damme was ordered by his karate teacher to wear a protective suit and withstand the attempts of a trained dog to pull him to the ground.
The title held by Dennis Alexio’s character in the movie – the International Sport Karate Association (ISKA) Heavyweight Championship – is a real championship and has been held by Alexio during his fighting career. The belt in the movie, however, is not modeled after the actual belt.
Michel Qissi was a technical advisor/choreographer when he overheard the production crew say they were looking for a tall oriental-looking guy with a background in Muay Thai. He volunteered, and got the part of Tong Po. Because he is originally from Morocco, make-up was used to make him look more Asian.
Tong Po is mistakenly billed as playing himself (during the film’s credits). In fact, Michel Qissi played the villainous Thai for this film and its sequel Kickboxer 2: The Road Back (1991). Kamel Krifa played the character in the 4th. Qissi can also be seen in three other Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, Bloodsport (1988), Lionheart (1990) and Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016). In Bloodsport, Qissi is the fighter that gets his leg broken by Chong Li. In Lionheart (AWOL) Qissi plays Moustafe who alongside another legionnaire is trying to bring Lyon from America back to Africa. In Kickboxer: Vengeance, a remake of this movie, Qissi has a brief in-joke cameo as a prisoner who remarks “You forgot about me?” as van Damme walks past his cell.
While this is not the final “Arthur” film of the year, it is the culmination of our year-long “Arthur” cycle. We’ve learned, loved, lived, learned to the love and live, and lived to learn and love as Patrick has navigated the data necessary to make such a cycle possible. It’s very hard trying to figure out what films have played on TV on a series of specific dates. A true technological achievement. And it tells you a lot of how far we’ve come. In the beginning we were just watching along with a podcast and mostly limited ourselves to films that we could both readily obtain from Netflix. I remember balking at paying for a rental of a BMT film. We couldn’t possibly, right? Nowadays we watch several BMT in theaters. We have ordered Bring a Friends (friends!) on VHS that we then had to convert into a watchable format! On a much brighter note we now employ our local public libraries for almost all films that we would otherwise pay for, so overall the “we would prefer not to pay for a BMT film” philosophy has blessedly persisted. But really, the true crowning BMT achievement is not our willingness to spend money for BMT… it’s the willingness of Patrick to spend many, many hours developing an advanced algorithm to analyze New York Times TV listings for BMT. It brings a tear to your eye (interpret that as you will).
To recap, Arthur is a rich, drunk asshole. But this time it’s not his fault (I pull Arthur in for a hug) It’s not your fault, Arthur. It’s not your fault. When his mother decides to cut him off unless he marries the stuck up Susan Johnson he relents because he likes his money. In the meantime he meets a free-spirited Naomi, who captures his heart with her dreams of writing a children’s book. He tries to quit drinking and get a job so he can disobey his mother, but alas, Naomi finds out he’s engaged and breaks it off. His butler Hobbes, who likes Naomi for Arthur, tries to talk to her, but ends up having to go to the hospital. When Arthur rushes to Hobbes’ side Naomi finds out from Susan that the only reason her children’s book is getting published is because Arthur bought the publishing company. That pretty much ends things for them officially. Arthur is sober while taking care of Hobbes, but when she dies he relapses. On his wedding day, though, he finds a letter from Hobbes and decides to go after Naomi once and for all. Naomi still isn’t ready to take him back, though, so Arthur spends time working on himself. He realizes that it’s not his fault (I hold him even tighter as he sobs in my arms) and he takes over his family’s charitable work. Later he meets Naomi at a book reading and they tearfully smooch… hard. THE END.
The first Arthur film was unabashedly Arthur. I went into it biased. I recalled seeing it on TV here and there growing up and I didn’t really “get it.” It was a classic and yet I never saw anything funny happen. On watching the whole thing I was surprised. The butler was definitely very funny and Arthur himself wasn’t nearly as annoying as I expected. The sequel, though, decided to wade into the hilarious waters of infertility, adoption, and alcoholism and was a barrel of anti-laughs. Where did they go wrong? They stopped being polite and started being real. So obviously the remake would resolve that issue… oh wait, no. Apparently they decided the second film had it correct and Arthur’s alcoholism and trauma should be part of the narrative. We really can’t have fun anymore with this kind of stuff. Which is fine, but it also means they probably just shouldn’t make a remake of Arthur. The film is all over the place as it tries to navigate how to get everyone into the right places where we feel good about the alcoholic asshole getting the girl. All that being said… I thought the acting and casting was pretty good for what was a not very good movie. As for Replicant, I thought this was a pretty fun movie. If you dig the cheesy badness of 90’s and 2000’s serial killer films, then just imagine that mixed with Michael Rooker, JCVD in dual roles, and it actually being about super pseudoscience mumbo jumbo. There are also two scenes involving a prostitute that has to be seen to be believed. They’re deranged. All together that’s a winning combination in my book.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Since we all decided that Arthur (2011) has to be true to life I guess I’ll just have to drop this hilarious nugget right here: Arthur and Naomi won’t make it. He’s an alcoholic, womanizing asshole. He’s a manchild that used alcohol as a crutch to deal with emotional trauma he never properly dealt with. His mom is still crazy and he’s still involved in the family business. This is not going to end well. To draw a parallel we all will understand, this is very much like Tessa and Hardin in the After series. He’s bad news, guuurl. I know you think you can fix him, but he’s just gonna end up writing a tell all book about your relationship to further his own career. Deal with it. Hot Take Temperature: Hardin Scott.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Arthur? Not the classic Arthur, we watched that a few months ago. We’re talking about the one who is allegedly a sexual predator. Let’s go!
Might as well get this out of the way: we chose this prior to the real deal accusations against Russell Brand. Also we set this up prior to it turning out that his alleged predation was specifically concerning his behavior on the set of this film. Amazing.
And a small note about the technological achievement that made this cycle possible. Yeah, I have 40GB of New York Times television listings on my computer. Yeah, I have spent over a year of my life algorithmically and carefully curating that data. It is my legacy. Someday when our AI overlords declare Life Credits for any human-verified Truth Data from their posts on the Elysium Space Station, I’ll be in like Flynn. Front of the gruel line. I’ll have so many Life Credits. Suck it.
Russell Brand somehow someway ends up being kind of … good (?!) in this film. He puts on an affectation that is very Original Arthur, and overall manages to be somewhat charming in a role that even at the time should have been anti-charm. Who would have thunk it.
I was shocked to see Greta Gerwig pop up, completely forgot she was in this. Pretty amusing. She is an okay actor, but apparently a much much better director. Who would have thunk it.
I don’t know why or how Helen Mirren is in this film … is it a weird Oscar play where she galaxy brained herself into thinking history was going to repeat itself with the Supporting Actor win … nah, they probably just paid her a boatload.
Garner is real weird in this film. I guess she manages to pull off being such a weirdo that despite being Jennifer Garner a person would find her utterly repulsive. Good on her.
As for our friend, Replicant (2001), the film is also quite strange. Very very reminiscent of The Watcher which came out only the year before. It feels like, perhaps, people lost their way in the wake of Seven whereby they thought that is what serial killer films now were. The Pledge and The Bone Collector both also come out in this era and both, in their own way, seem to buy into the grunginess instead of the fun of something like Silence of the Lambs in all its meticulous Hannibal Lecter glory. I don’t know. I just know that this one has JCVD mostly playing a mentally slow clone of himself, that clone falls in love with a prostitute in a wild scene, and Rooker yells at and physically abuses him all film like a lunatic. It is not a fun serial killer film, but it is a ridiculous JCVD film. So … your mileage may vary. For me it is a C+.
You know what, I’m going with a left field Product Placement (What?) for the classic Frog and Toad books, which is ridiculous. A classic Setting as a Character (Where?) for New York City. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate twist on a twist for now having him get the girl in the end (until later when he does get the girl). This movie is Bad.
Read about my sequel to the new Arthur in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I’m a billionaire with a bit of a drinking problem … fine a huge drinking problem, and my brain is mush. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Arthur (2011)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Arthur Arthur Arthur. What will we do with you! What car is he being driven in (and crashing) in the opening scene?
2) Well, that was fun. But there is a problem. Arthur needs to marry Jennifer Garner. Why does his mother insist on this and why does he agree to it?
3) Oh! But now he’s met Greta Gerwig. What is her “job” but what “job” does she actually want?
4) Where is their date?
5) In the end Arthur does not marry Garner, and Mirren dies. You would know these things if you watched the original. But they do twist up the ending. What is Arthur’s job at the end of the film after he gets his act together?
Bonus Question: Years later, Arthur is off the wagon … or is he? That’s the question. Is he?
Jamie and Patrick are looking bodacious. Pants? Lycra. Shirt? Absent. Tips? Frosted. Their summer had been spent watching Tango & Cash on repeat as research for a ‘zine idea they had brewing. Rumor on the block was ‘zines were the next big thing. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “The rumor around my block is natuuuure.” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of a nearby mountain and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Ewoks: The Battle for Endor) they venture forth and soon find themselves scaling the rocky crags of Mt. Mountain. “Maybe our ‘zine can be about mountains… in movies. Movie Mountains? Is that something?” Jamie asks as he swings himself from one rocky outcrop to another. “But why would someone want to read what we say about Movie Mountains?” Patrick ponders. Just as he’s going to suggest Bad Movie Mountains, though, they are buzzed by a remote control airplane. They look far below them and see a bunch of middle schoolers laughing as they dive bomb them in increasingly dangerous fashion. “Sacre bleu!” Jamie says, using one of his more famous catchphrases. “We’re trapped,” Patrick says, gritting his teeth in rage, “Like Perret trapped Tango and Cash… a couple mice in a maze.” They look at each other in despair. They are far too young to have any patented Twin Memories to harken back to for a solution. This looks like a very early end for the Bad Movie Twins. Suddenly they hear a faint voice “the rumor around my block is natuuuure.” Patrick’s eyes widen. Jamie simply whispers “Coolz.” With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Arthur Memory. That’s right! We are completing the Arthur circle by watching the 2011 remake of the comedy classic starring Russel Brand and Best Director nominee Greta Gerwig (but not for this… she didn’t direct 2011’s Arthur). Talk about two people whose careers are going in two different directions. We are pairing it with Replicant starring JCVD. This film will complete the second leg of the “JCVD plays dual roles” trilogy, leaving just Maximum Risk. Let’s go!
Arthur (2011) – BMeTric: 41.9; Notability: 52
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 16.4%; Notability: top 10.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.1%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 21 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Cars 2, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, I Am Number Four, Larry Crowne, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Season of the Witch, and 5 more; Lower RT: Hellraiser: Revelations, You May Not Kiss the Bride, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, The Moth Diaries, and 33 more; Notes: Kind of amusing how few of those top BMeT films I’ve seen. We’ve seen 12 of the 20 listed there, which is pretty good, but only two in the top 5, so we are somehow leaving some heavy hitters. Although, 2011 is an incredible bad movie year I believe, one of the best, so perhaps it is impossible to watch enough bad movies to seem impressive.
RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The thing about Moore, who people persisted in calling “Cuddly Dudley” although he hated it, is that he was just plain lovable. The thing about Russell Brand is that he isn’t, not much, and he should get credit here for at least being a good deal more likable than he usually chooses to seem. He plays the alcoholic zillionaire Arthur Bach as a man who wants to party with the world and pick up the check.
(Yes, this was my impression as well. The less the said about Russell Brand the better at the moment, but his high pitched affectation and general antics in this film do seem reasonably charming. Surprisingly so.)
(Jesus the overused Rebel Rebel riff and then All Night Long and then Pressure!! The trailer almost comes across as a parody and just seems sad.)
Directors – Jason Winer – ( Known For: Ode to Joy; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won an Emmy for Modern Family which is produced in addition to directing multiple episodes. HE is directing The Santa Clauses at the moment.)
Writers – Peter Baynham – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania; Borat; Borat Subsequent Moviefilm; Brüno; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Alan Partridge; Arthur Christmas; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Probably British considering he appears to work very closely with Sasha Baron Cohen and Steve Coogan on their projects. Nominated for 2 Oscars for the Borat films.)
Steve Gordon – ( Known For: Arthur; The One and Only; BMT: Arthur; Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Died in 1982, between the two Arthur films, he wrote the original Arthur for which he was nominated for an Oscar.)
Actors – Russell Brand – ( Known For: Death on the Nile; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Trolls; Despicable Me; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Despicable Me 2; Rock of Ages; Get Him to the Greek; Penelope; St. Trinian’s; Catherine Called Birdy; Army of One; The Tempest; Four Kids and It; Paradise; The Fight; Future BMT: Bedtime Stories; Hop; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Yeah no, I ain’t falling for this trap. He is currently notably under investigation for sexual assault, some of the allegations coming from the set of this specific film.)
Helen Mirren – ( Known For: Barbie; Fast X; Golda; Shazam! Fury of the Gods; Caligula; F9: The Fast Saga; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; The Prince of Egypt; Excalibur; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; RED; State of Play; Age of Consent; The Fate of the Furious; Woman in Gold; The Pledge; Monsters University; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover; Gosford Park; 2010: The Year We Make Contact; Future BMT: Anna; Winchester; Inkheart; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Collateral Beauty; Raising Helen; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won and Oscar for The Queen and is in general a national British treasure. She was nominated for three other Oscars as well for The Madness of King George, Gosford Park, and The Last Station.)
Jennifer Garner – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Juno; 13 Going on 30; The Adam Project; Dallas Buyers Club; Daredevil; Love, Simon; Draft Day; The Kingdom; The Invention of Lying; Miracles from Heaven; Yes Day; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; Deconstructing Harry; Butter; Danny Collins; Wakefield; The Tribes of Palos Verdes; A Happening of Monumental Proportions; Washington Square; Future BMT: Peppermint; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Men, Women & Children; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Wonder Park; Catch and Release; Mr. Magoo; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Mother’s Day; Valentine’s Day; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Elektra; Arthur; Nine Lives; Notes: Nominated for four Emmy for Alias, but she never won. Was married to Ben Affleck for a time.)
(That ain’t great. You want more than that. But I also can’t imagine why a remake of Arthur was going to make $100 million, so I don’t know what they were thinking.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (52/195): An irritating, unnecessary remake that demonstrates the libertine charm Russell Brand exudes in supporting roles turn against him when he’s star of the show.
(Irritating is the name of the game. I really don’t know how you make an Arthur film without Dudley Moore and have Arthur come across as anything but supremely irritating. The reviewer below kind of gets it right too, this pretty much killed Brand as a leading man.)
Reviewer Highlight: Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance. – David Edelstein, New York Magazine/Vulture
(I don’t understand two things about this poster. Why is Arthur’s hat being held up like that? Does it mean something? Was that hat supposed to be a “thing”? Second, how is it that Greta Gerwig isn’t on this poster? Garner gets the spot playing the primary antagonist. Why? Anyway, I don’t love it. I don’t even like it, really. C-.)
Tagline(s) – Meet the world’s only loveable billionaire. (D+)
(I can’t really tell if this is really bad or just really not good. Like it’s a little long and not clever in the least. It appears to think him being “loveable” (to some people, I guess) is clever when put next to the word “billionaire.” I don’t understand why. I guess it does tell you a little of what to expect from the movie. So that’s nice.)
Keyword(s) – daddio
Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.9 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)
BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
(We had to finish up Arthur for the cycle, so here we are. Luckily I don’t think there were many others I was really clamoring for in its place.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Garner is No. 4 billed in Arthur and No. 2 billed in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, which also stars Matthew McConaughey (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wedding Planner (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 20. If we were to watch Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – Arthur states his father died at the age of forty-four in an homage to Steve Gordon, who directed Arthur (1981), and also died at the age of forty-four.
While sulking in his Batmobile after Hobson (Dame Helen Mirren) gives him an aspirin and vitamin, Arthur (Russell Brand) scrolls through his phone to look for Naomi’s number and we briefly see Katy Perry, Brand’s then-wife, listed as a contact.
During the dinner scene at Grand Central Station, the background music that is playing is an instrumental version of the Christopher Cross song, “Arthur (1981)’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)”.
In the final scene, where there is a collection of movie cars, the car displayed on the far right is the Rolls-Royce from Arthur (1981).
In order to see the dedication in Naomi’s book, Arthur moves a pop-up moon over a Manhattan skyline scene. This is a tribute to the line “If you get caught between the moon and New York City”, in Christopher Cross’ “Arthur (1981)’s Theme” song.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Russell Brand)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character flapping his arms like a real bozo so dominated my childhood thoughts on this film that it could never possibly live up to my memory of it. I feel like for a solid decade I’d see the actor show up in something and subconsciously be like “yeah, but he flapped his arms real dumb that one time.” The movie appeared in my mind to just be 90 minutes of JGL flapping his arms and then everyone else agreeing that it was cool and flapping their arms too. What’s funny is we’ve seen over the years many teams capitalize on weird baseball mojo trends as they make their way to the coveted World Series win. Rally caps, Cowboy Up, and the Angel’s very own Rally Monkey. None of that changes the simple fact that if anyone anywhere tried to make flapping your arms around the rallying cry of their team it would flop. Rally Monkey it is not.
To recap, JGL is in foster care watching the California Angels stink while he waits for his dad to get his act together. With a washed up manager driving the team into the ground his dad makes an off-hand comment that he’ll come back for him when the Angels win the Pennant. Enter: God. JGL prays and his prayers are answered as a bunch of real angels come down and start helping the team win. When the coach catches wind that this kid appears to see angels helping the team he’s like “meh, we suck and I suck so why not have a fun good luck charm.” Soon JGL is attending most games and tipping the coach on moves to make that might lead to angelic intervention. Soon his life is changing and so are his players. A previously washed up pitcher gets his mojo back and they are on a big time winning streak. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, though, because JGL’s daddio is a deadbeat and gives him up to the state anyway. The owner of the team is also embarrassed when the press publishes details of the coach’s belief in angels. He demands his coach publicly deny believing in angels, which he refuses to do. In the Pennent, the angels reveal they can’t help (it’s too big a game), but the ragtag group is no longer ragtag and ultimately come up victorious on the back of the soon-to-be-dead formerly washed-up pitcher (I’ll talk about that later). After the game the coach reveals he’s adopting JGL and his friend… which is nice. THE END.
For about 70% of this movie we are treated to a straightforward, heart-warming sports story. Sure there is an odd religious bent to it, but why not? It’s about angels. I was sitting there jamming out, enjoying an oddly stacked cast of background characters and sports… then the last thirty minutes of the film happened. First the devious announcer (who is also a reporter?) publishes a story about the manager believing in angels using the anonymous sourcing of a 7-year-old child. It’s so crazy that you can’t believe they could top it. But then the owner is embarrassed by the story and does the press conference forcing the manager to denounce angels… it would be like if when the Rally Monkey was happening there was a story that was like “the manager actually believe the monkey is lucky” and the owner was like “ma gawd, say you don’t believe the monkey… NOW!” Ludicrous. Can’t be topped, right? Wrong. During the subsequent game, the washed up pitcher is pitching a 160 pitch complete game (wow). An angel then pops down, says he can’t help, and off hand mentions to the kid that the dude is dying of advanced cancer… boy. You know how some movies are ruined by a terrible ending. This was BMT saved by one of the most BMT endings of all time. A true miracle. As for Heaven Sent… lol, what? If I didn’t know better I would say this was a pilot for a show being shopped for syndication about the sidekick from UHF helping different people every week as an angel… but I know better and I just know this was a real weird nothing film that also needed to have a bizarro thriller plot thrown in at the end. I will forget this tomorrow.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I just… I really feel like there would be a bit more scrutiny of the coach’s efforts to adopt two children. It appears like this all happens in a matter of a couple weeks. The man is a major league manager and appears to be single. He’s on the road 40% of the year. Prior to the angels going on a winning streak the man was a complete asshole. Everyone hated him. What if they go on a losing streak next year? You can’t rely on the whims of the angels to determine how good a dad this guy is going to be. Feels a bit irresponsible of the state to at least be like “maybe think this over for a week… you know… considering for the last 50 years or so you’ve lived the life of a single, childless asshole.” Hot Take Temperature: Medicine Hat… as in Medicine Hat, Alberta where the coach will be coaching after he doesn’t have the angels to help him out.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Wait a second, are we talking about a Disney kids classic about how religion is good and it isn’t cheating if angels do it because you wished for a real fambly and this is the only way for the hard hearted coach of the Anaheim Angels to Grinch it and adopt two children? Let’s go!
So we need to approach this carefully, because otherwise you might think I think this film is genuinely good. So here’s my best shot.
The first hour of this film is fun and heartfelt and the kid actors are really good. If I was sitting next to a child watching this film I would be like “cool.” If I had to watch it multiple times I think the first hour would get tiresome but there is enough good heartfelt stuff in it that it wouldn’t feel like a total waste of time. You can see why JGL is a star, and also why this works much better than The Mighty Ducks (mainly because The Mighty Ducks is like if Danny Glover was the main character in Angels in the Outfield. Blessedly JGL is and that works better for the majority of the film).
Phew … BUT.
The last thirty minutes of this film goes off the rails.
First, Danny Glover and the radio announcer were former teammates / competitors and have a long running feud mostly concerning the other guy ending Glover’s career, but then Glover is a way better manager in the end. We open the third act with that guy overhearing a literal child go “Angels are real!” and he goes “Aha! I got him! Glover brings the kids to the games because he too thinks angels are real!” Then we have a real scene in a movie where ESPN has, for whatever reason, run with the “Coach Knox thinks angels are real!” story without checking the source (a literal child), and the Angels owner insists on Glover (who is on something absurd like a 30-2 hot streak) having a press conference before the last (and pennant clinching) game to deny the angel story because … maybe he hates God? Hard to tell. Anyways, you got all that?
/deep breath/
Second, the angels aren’t coming (oh no!) but Lloyd helpfully shows up to be like “Oh what? You were waiting on us? But everyone knows angels can’t help in a championship!” (ah I see, you are sportsmen about it). And right before he leaves he looks to Tony Danza (playing a 40 year old washed up pitcher who smokes too much) and he’s like “Oh him? He’s dead in six months, but don’t worry he’ll be an angel … welp, see yah kid!” Totally unnecessary. JGL doesn’t need that in his life during the big game!
/deep breath/
Third, that same 40-year-old who is going to be dead in six months from advanced lung cancer proceeds to pitch a complete game to win the pennant. With the final play involving him snagging a comeback line drive to the pitcher to end the game.
Phew. Those thirty minutes take it from good I’m-not-crying-your-crying territory, to unintentionally hilarious sports film, and back again. I still like it though.
I do someday want to collect all the ways different baseball films have ended though. Major League is on a suicide squeeze, and this is on a line drive at the pitcher. They really didn’t want to do the standard home run or strike out huh?
As for the friend, woooooooooooooooooof. We watched Heaven Sent which was bizarrely close to the same story (angel helping a kid, but during the final scene he says nope, you have to do that yourself). Weirdly good cast with Wilford Brimley in a small role. Otherwise this gets dangerously close to “I could film some of this” territory. Fortunately there are some good set pieces, decent acting from a few of the adults, and it looks quite good at times, so it pulls itself out on occasion. Zero out of five on the racism scale, but that is mainly because it is shot in Salt Lake City and there is nary a non-white person to be seen …oh wait strike that. It is one out of five, there was an Indian convenience store owner that was pretty racist. Dang. Almost there. Regardless this is a true blue F. There might be some heart there, but it isn’t even remotely entertaining and I would flat refuse to ever watch this again if asked.
A real deal sports Product Placement (What?) for the California Angels. And obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for California. Great MacGuffin (Why?) for the wish to have a fambly, which he didn’t specify so the genie gave him Danny Glover instead of his dad. And finally that same thing is the Worst Twist (How?) for Danny Glover adopting two children despite being a Major League manager, having no girlfriend, and never having kids. This movie is also Good, so we’re on a streak.
Naturally, I need to make a sequel to this a la D2, check it out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man so get this. I was at a baseball game and I saw real angels helping the team out! Yeah, no joke. Obviously I immediately went to the hospital where they diagnosed me with a massive concussion, turns out I didn’t remember getting hit in the head with a baseball. As a matter of fact I don’t remember a bunch of stuff … do you remember what happened in Angels in the Outfield?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why has JGL been left in foster care and under what condition does his father (jokingly) say they’ll become a fambly again?
2) Meanwhile, Danny Glover is the coach of the hapless California Angels. But here’s a question: what team did he coach for prior to joining the Angels?
3) There is another boy hanging with JGL most of the film. Why is that boy scared of driving in cars?
4) How do the two boys end up going to all of the baseball games anyways?
5) In the final game the final out would be recorded as what in official baseball records?
Bonus Question: In an after credits scene we see our hero 30 years later. What is JGL up to?
Jamie and Patrick are looking badical. Jacket? Leather. Pants? Shredded. Chains? Thick. Their summer had been spent writing their bad movie ‘zine Film Psychos and gathering tens of subscribers. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “What’s a ‘zine?” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of the nearby cave system and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Gorillas in the Mist) they venture forth and soon find themselves lost in the labyrinthian caves. “Boy, this is spooky,” Jamie says and Patrick thinks how this is one case where they would love to have the older bullies around to help them out. Just when they fear that they will die in the caves they see a faint glow up ahead. They shield their eyes against the blinding light as they approach and for a moment an angelic voice appears to be coming from a beautiful white stallion. “A talking horse?!” Jamie says in awe. But as the light comes closer it becomes clear it’s not a talking horse at all, but a man in long white flowing robes. “It is not your time,” the man says, “to get out of the cave system you must remember the two mice in a maze.” With that the man winks out of existence. He then winks back again, “Oh and I forgot, you know your neighbor, Bill?” They nod their heads. “He has cancer,” and then disappears again. “Wow, that’s a real Coolz Foolz,” Jamie says with a smirk and Patrick nods before getting down to remembering things. “Mice. Mazes. Talk to me, people!” he yells and with that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory. That’s right! We’re watching Angels in the Outfield. It’s a classic Disney channel staple from our childhood about a kid, some angels, and the California Angels (the team we all know and love). I remember even making fun of the film as a kid cause the main character looks like a dope flapping his arms whenever he sees an angel. Certainly it won’t be nearly as dopey as our Bring a Friend, Heaven Sent, though. I do believe that is a film, but I can’t be totally sure yet. Let’s go!
Angels in the Outfield (1994) – BMeTric: 24.9; Notability: 47
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 25.6%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 34.0%; Higher BMeT: Street Fighter, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, Double Dragon, It’s Pat: The Movie, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Richie Rich, Car 54, Where Are You?, Getting Even with Dad, Beverly Hills Cop III, and 44 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Love Affair, Ready to Wear, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, Little Giants, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, Drop Zone, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Junior, On Deadly Ground, Speechless, The Puppet Masters, The Scout, and 13 more; Lower RT: Wagons East, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, House Party 3, The Silence of the Hams, Holy Matrimony, Car 54, Where Are You?, Erotique, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, In the Army Now, The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, and 60 more; Notes: In case one was curious about the top 10 in 90s Listing Plays for qualifying films: Clifford (91); The Next Karate Kid (82); Angels in the Outfield (76); City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold (74); Renaissance Man (73); Airheads (72); Car 54, Where Are You? (70); Blankman (70); The Scout (69); Major League II (65). I think the amazing thing is just how few we’ve watched. Clifford (this year), Car 54, Where Are you?, and now this … that is it. Partly it is because I’ve seen Blankman, Airheads (a lot), City Slickers II (a lot), and Clifford and this (a lot). So we always veered away from those before. Still, lots to do in the 90s still, and hopefully the listings will help give the people what they want.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “Angels in the Outfield” closely follows another movie about kids and baseball, “Little Big League.” Both are about how small boys control the destinies of major league teams. But while “Little Big League” is a smart movie about a kid who really understands baseball, “Angels” is a dumb movie about soppy sentimentality. The choice is clear.
(Whoa. I didn’t expect the … what’s the opposite of “stray”? Like all of a sudden huge props for Little Big League out of nowhere? Smart movie? That’s praise.)
(Ha. That was the whole movie. Like literally, his father telling him he’s off. The wish. The angels showing up for the first time. Most of the angel stuff. The press conference. And then literally the end of the pennant game. Might as well have shown the big twist ending. Why not?)
Directors – William Dear – ( Known For: Harry and the Hendersons; The Perfect Game; Simon Says; Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann; The Foursome; Northville Cemetery Massacre; Free Style; Politics of Love; Nymph; Future BMT: Wild America; If Looks Could Kill; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Hasn’t done much recently, but he was really plugged into the kids stuff back in the day. Harry and the Hendersons, the show of the same name, and then Dinosaurs pretty close together.)
Writers – Dorothy Kingsley – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; Valley of the Dolls; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; Kiss Me Kate; Pal Joey; Green Mansions; Can-Can; Bathing Beauty; Dangerous When Wet; Pepe; Neptune’s Daughter; On an Island with You; A Date with Judy; Two Weeks with Love; It’s a Big Country: An American Anthology; Small Town Girl; Jupiter’s Darling; Don’t Go Near the Water; Easy to Wed; Broadway Rhythm; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar in 1955 for adapting Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Oh you didn’t know Angels in the Outfield was originally a 1951 film? It was about the Pittsburgh Pirates.)
George Wells – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; Where the Boys Are; Lovely to Look At; Summer Stock; Penelope; Designing Woman; Take Me Out to the Ball Game; Three Little Words; Party Girl; Ask Any Girl; I Love Melvin; Three Bites of the Apple; It’s a Big Country: An American Anthology; The Gazebo; The Honeymoon Machine; The Hucksters; Everything I Have Is Yours; Don’t Go Near the Water; Cover Me Babe; The Toast of New Orleans; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Same, wrote a bunch of stuff and then retired to sail and wrote a new novels.)
Richard Conlin – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Somehow out of the three (who were all born prior to 1910) he was the only one who didn’t live to see this film released. He died in 1989. Seemed to have been a big Disney writer.)
Holly Goldberg Sloan – ( Known For: The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course; Pure Country Pure Heart; Whispers: An Elephant’s Tale; The Secret Life of Girls; Future BMT: The Big Green; Made in America; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: I think it is pretty clear the success of adapting this kids’ film rolled right into The Big Green which was her first “writing” credit.)
Actors – Danny Glover – ( Known For: Saw; Shooter; The Color Purple; The Prince of Egypt; The Royal Tenenbaums; Jumanji: The Next Level; Lethal Weapon; The Dead Don’t Die; Witness; Sorry to Bother You; The Old Man & the Gun; Lethal Weapon 2; The Rainmaker; Dreamgirls; Silverado; Maverick; Escape from Alcatraz; Antz; Places in the Heart; Lethal Weapon 4; Future BMT: Barnyard; Wild America; Monster Trucks; Switchback; Pure Luck; The Shaggy Dog; Gone Fishin’; Flight of the Intruder; Operation Dumbo Drop; The Cookout; BMT: 2012; Angels in the Outfield; Dirty Grandpa; Predator 2; Alpha and Omega; Proud Mary; Notes: Claims he is going to be in Lethal Weapon 5 which has been in development for ever. We’ll see. He was too old for this shit in the 90s.)
Brenda Fricker – ( Known For: The Miracle Club; A Time to Kill; So I Married an Axe Murderer; My Left Foot; The Field; Albert Nobbs; Veronica Guerin; Closing the Ring; Trauma; Moll Flanders; Rory O’Shea Was Here; Stone of Destiny; Cloudburst; Locked In; The Intended; War Bride; How About You; A Man of No Importance; Tara Road; Conspiracy of Silence; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Masterminds; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: You’d probably know her from Home Alone 2 as the bird lady. I know her from So I Married an Axe Murderer which she played the mother. A huge character actor, but she won an Oscar for Support Actress for My Left Foot.)
Tony Danza – ( Known For: Crash; Don Jon; The Hollywood Knights; Rumble; Darby and the Dead; Glam; Cloud 9; Going Ape!; A Brooklyn State of Mind; Illtown; The Nail: The Story of Joey Nardone; Future BMT: She’s Out of Control; Meet Wally Sparks; Dear God; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Cannonball Run II; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy as a Guest Star in The Practice. Huge TV star though in Taxi and Who’s the Boss? He actually was playing age appropriate as a definitely over the hill pitcher.)
Budget/Gross – $31 million / Domestic: $50,236,831 (Worldwide: $50,236,831)
(That is pretty good, but not excellent. I’m a bit skeptical of that budget though. I know you have to film in stadiums and stuff, but over 30 million for a kids’ film in the 90s? That seems nuts.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (9/28): A queasy mishmash of poignant drama and slapstick fantasy, Angels in the Outfield strikes out as worthy family entertainment.
(If you don’t mention the ending then I don’t know what to say. The ending is really the only bit that strikes out.)
NYT Review: Big, dripping scoop of marshmallow sentiment, topped with whipped-cream spirituality.
(Looks like the angel in the poster is totally flubbing that catch. What an idiot. That’s a better movie. Should have been a bunch of angels come down to stop the California Angels due to their blasphemous name and the team has to rally to beat them. Perfect. Oh, but the poster is a C+.)
Tagline(s) – It Could Happen. (C)
Ya Gotta Believe! (F)
(The first one is essentially the catchphrase of the main character’s sidekick in the film. It’s lame, but makes sense and is short. Hard pass on the second one.)
Keyword(s) – daddio
Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.9 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)
BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
Best Options (Serving Sara): 33.3 The Jerky Boys (1995), 26.1 Airheads (1994), 26.1 Feds (1988), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 17.3 Hexed (1993), 16.7 Mr. Destiny (1990), 8.0 Let It Ride (1989)
(Ah right, that doesn’t appear because we had to scour the internet to find a way from Serving Sara to the 2023 cycle. This film played in 2002, I suppose somewhat ironically right before the Angels actually won the World Series. Amazing that you really can’t get to 2023 at all with a real 90s film though.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Danny Glover is No. 1 billed in Angels in the Outfield and No. 3 billed in Proud Mary, which also stars Neal McDonough (No. 5 billed) who is in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 3) + (5 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 16. If we were to watch Operation Dumbo Drop we can get the HoE Number down to 10.
Notes – Former A’s and Cardinals player Tony LaRussa and his family make a cameo appearance in the owner’s box, during the last game.
This film was not the only connection between Disney and the Angels. Two years after the film’s release, the Walt Disney Corporation bought the Angels, and owned the team until 2003. In addition, Walt Disney was one of the Angels’ original board members.
The character of Hank Murphy, the Angels’ owner, is loosely based on owner, actor and country music star Gene Autry, right down to the cowboy hat. Autry passed away October 1998. When the Anaheim Angels won the 2002 World Series, they dedicated their win to Autry.
Two of the actors who played Angels players, Adrien Brody and Matthew McConaughey, would go on to win Academy Awards for Best Actor.
At the time of its production and release, the Angels, who entered the American League in 1961 had never won an AL pennant or appeared in a World Series and were best known for their collapses in the ALCS. The Angels would lose their appearances in 1979, 1982 and 1986. Eight years after the film’s release, the Angels won both the franchise’s first AL Pennant and World Series championship in 2002.
Originally we were going to pair this film with Return to Savage Beach, an Andy Sidaris film that inexplicably aired just after prime time on Cinemax on September 1st, 1998. I gotta say, 10pm is simply not late enough to put on Return to Savage Beach, which is both hilarious and horrifying in the nude scenes that it puts on display every 5 minutes or so. We swapped it out mostly because I had watched it not that long ago and was hankering for some Die Hard thrills and chills. But if you get a chance you really should partake in some Sidaris action. The films he made became increasingly bizarre and Return to Savage Beach is late in his career. My favorite part was when near the end of the film two characters that haven’t yet had on-screen carnal relations say “I was just imagining something” and we are treated to a daydream of sorts where the characters jointly (?) imagine a sex role playing scenario where one is a cop and the other is a robber and well… anyway…
To recap, Matthew Perry is a workaholic club architect. He’s told by his buddy to take on a short term (but big headache) project in Las Vegas because then he’ll be free to open the NYC club of his dreams later that year. He hates Vegas, but agrees and soon finds himself living alone in LV. One night he meets Selma Hayek, a photographer working the strip, and they have a one night stand. Months later she shows up at his door and reveals that she’s pregnant. Oh my! He’s unsure what to do, but agrees to join her for a family dinner so that at least her family can meet the father of her child, even if it’s just once. Everything about her and her family enchants him and they elope. Her family is enraged, his friends think he’s crazy, and soon his work is suffering as he tries to balance his job with being a good husband to Hayek. Hilarity ensues mostly having to do with Hayek’s extended family and Perry’s own very conservative parents from Connecticut. When he finally gets the club open things start to unravel as his boss wants him to come back to NYC to start the dream project. He’s already promised to stay in Nevada till the baby is born and so when Hayek finds out he’s planning on them moving early she runs away and ends up in the hospital. She informs him that she lost the baby and it’s over and disappears. He heads back to NYC, but soon is seeing all kinds of signs that he is meant to find her. He flies to Mexico where she had been staying with her great-grandmother, but he’s told she’s left to go back to Las Vegas. He flies there just in time to stop her on the Hoover Dam where he finds out that she didn’t lose the baby after all (what a twist!). In fact she’s having it right now. Soon they are parents and smooch. THE END.
I kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop in this film. When Hayek showed up with the story that she was pregnant I fully assumed this was a lie. That she was using a lie to get her ex-boyfriend off her back (like we saw her doing early in the film). But then when she realized Perry was such a good guy decided to marry him on a whim… It feels like the 90’s version of this film would have that edge. Something that you would look at and be like “yuck, why can’t romantic comedies be like they used to be?” But this isn’t the 90’s version of the film. This film reads much more like a 50’s romantic comedy or something because it’s just sweet through and through. They are both nice people who ultimately want to be with each other and have a family. Yay. Naturally there are some jokes that don’t land and the club he opens is hideous, but I enjoyed this film. Sue me (but don’t because you’ll lose. Liking this film is not against the law… yet). As for Deadly Outbreak, I wanted a Die Hard knockoff and I got one. The one odd aspect was that it is not an American film (it’s made and set in Israel), so it’s a little like a spaghetti western with subpar sound mixing and actors who clearly couldn’t speak english. But it was quite ridiculous, which is the name of the game. Some crazy stunts near the end as well. I just won’t mention how pretty much every film we watch for Bring a Friend has to involve a rape of some kind. Not sure why they feel the need to include that in every movie.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Maybe, and hear me out, maybe Hayek did lie. Yeah, she wasn’t pregnant at the beginning of the film at all. Like I thought, she just wanted her ex to stop bugging her and so she said she was pregnant and snatched up Perry. Of course! And that’s why they had to get married, so that they could have sex on their wedding night and she could get pregnant then! What a cunning ruse. He’s a workaholic so he probably doesn’t even notice that her pregnancy is mega-long. He’d think for a moment “wait, wasn’t she pregnant for like 12 months?” but then he’ll remember that his really super cool dolphin themed club that he’s opening in Reno next month has a whole VIP area dedicated to the 12 month gestation period of the dolphin. “Dolphins, humans, what’s the difference?” he’ll think, and shrug. Hot Take Temperature: Club Dolphino.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about another Matthew Perry romantic comedy, but this time he isn’t a horrible unlikable person, but instead is merely a workaholic obsessed with hot dogs? Let’s go!
I distinctly remember watching this film as a kid. And I think only because it was the first time I heard of Grey’s Papaya. And in my mind I was like “Oh dang, those must be such good hot dogs.” And then I went to New York and had one and I was like “huh … wait, was that an advertisement or some weird writer’s quirk and Grey’s Papaya is just like … normal hot dogs?” Write in and tell me: Is Grey’s Papaya just a tourist thing that Fools Rush In tricked me about, or is it a genuinely above average dog?
This film is pretty sweet. There is a reason Ebert gave it 3 stars. It is pretty heartfelt. Both main characters are fairly appealing. They are just on the right side of being an “odd couple” that it makes sense that it might work in an opposite attract kind of way, but also that it might not as a culture clash. Why did people not like it?
“Take away the ethnic/pregnancy angles, and we’ve seen this premise countless times,” aka “take away the premise of the film and you don’t have a film!” Thanks USA Today. The rest of the bad reviews are kind of the same. “[Look to] Fools Rush In to see a basic romantic comedy where opposites try to attract and find an unlikely happy ending.” That’s the consensus … like yeah? And? This is when Ebert’s “good for what it is” attitude made sense, when critics were crawling all over each other trying to tear apart Fools Rush In because it dares to not be profound and challenging.
There’s plenty to not like about the film. Arguably racist (although only a 2 out of 5 Soldier Boyz I think), people making some horrible decisions, seems like a weird advert for multiple products, a nonsensical and contrived ending. Plenty. Still liked it though.
Peak Selma Hayak is up there with peak J-Lo for being “almost too beautiful” in my opinion. Like it almost doesn’t make sense. They play it up too, Matthew Perry has multiple scenes of just staring at her, mouth agape.
As for the Friend this week we watched the Jeff Speakman classic Deadly Outbreak. Wait … what’s that now? Yeah, a weird martial arts film from a master of American Kenpo. Speakman basically had bit parts in a few other films (e.g. in Lionheart he is “Mansion Security Man”), then he goes on a streak of four martial arts films he stars in. This was his last, but we’ll watch the others eventually I think. He’s fairly charismatic, maybe on par with JCVD and Seagal. And his martial arts are actually quite good, using insanely fast blocks and punches. The Perfect Weapon has an almost implausibly large box office take, so he did get his shot. I would have to watch that to see just how it fumbled such that his big budget career pretty much ended there. Had the same director as Kickboxer (and ended the director’s directorial career as well). Anyways, this film? Really weird stuff that is a borderline advertisement for the Israeli military? Has good action, but ultimately feels long and boring. Naturally, as I’ve come to expect, they feel the need to involve attempted rape as a signal that the bad guys are bad. Great. I think this is like a C+. Reasonably entertaining, but nothing I’d ever return to. I think it is a zero out of five Soldier Boyz on the racism scale.
This is definitely a great Product Placement (What?) for Las Vegas, but also weirdly Grey’s Papaya. Setting as a Character (Where?) for Las Vegas for sure, but also Mexico and New York I suppose. Amazing Secret Holiday Film (When?) for the film starting on Christmas, a big scene occurring during Cinco de Mayo, and the transition to act three occurring on July 4th precisely. I think a Worst Twist (How?) for them accidentally getting divorced and remarried at the end of the film. I think this movie is definitely Good.
Go to the Quiz to hear about the sequel I have planned. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was jetting around at the lake on my jetski when I fell off and really bopped my head good. Now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Fools Rush In?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with our hero arriving triumphantly back at work from Miami at Christmas time. He’s off to Las Vegas now, but his real dream Club Dolphino would be centered where?
2) Well, whatever he’s in Las Vegas. And we got a meetcute on our hands! Where do Hayak and Perry meet for the first time?
3) Welp, now they have to get married, she’s pregnant. But he doesn’t really want his parents to know. Where does he say they are off to for the whole summer?
4) In the end he does successfully open Club Dolphino Las Vegas. Why is it a problem for him to go to his dream position on the Fourth of July though?
5) Well, he’s just got to have her though, so he jets off to Mexico, but alas, he’s too late! Where does he find her?
Bonus Question: Twenty five years later we meet up with Hayak at a dinner. Why is she going out to eat?
Bad Movie Twins 