bonus – Bad Movie Twins

D2: The Mighty Ducks Recap

Jamie

I have no trouble remembering the entry of D2: The Mighty Ducks into my life. At that point we were old enough to have probably seen it in theaters. Wheelhouse territory. Amazing that Kenan hadn’t quite yet popped on All That, but my memory has him in “elite” level pretty much from right here onwards. I was not going to be missing a Kenan (or even Kel) jam. No way. No how. Playing hockey, you couldn’t swing a stick without someone trying a knuckle puck, attempting a flying V in practice, or triple deking to our heart’s desire. And yes, we already knew as 8-year-olds that Iceland being the big bad was a joke. Years later, I can only assume the people making it also knew it was a joke… that was part of the joke. At the time, though, it felt good to be like “ha, what idiots.” Life was grand. We were the champions, no doubt.

To recap, the Quack Attack is back, Jack! After the team’s most important player (Gordon Bombay, of course) is injured in the minor leagues, just before getting his shot in the NHL (as some sort of Marchand/St. Louis type), he is recruited by Hendrix Hockey to coach Team USA at the Goodwill Games. Best of all he can bring all the Ducks (minus the less interesting kids). Off they go to LA where they meet new teammates (Whaa?). Don’t worry, they are pranking each other and best bash brother friends in no time (Phew). While the Ducks handily dispatch vaunted opponents, Italy and Trinidad & Tobago, Bombay is enthralled by the celebrity of LA and the cute Icelandic trainer unfortunately associated with the eeeeevil Team Iceland and their eeeevil coach, Wolf Stansson (good name). When the Ducks finally meet up with their eeevil rivals, it’s a bloodbath. Bombay needs the sweet green that celebrity promises! He begins to drive the team like some eeevil Coach Stansson type. Where is his love of the game? The team’s tutor demands he give the kids a break. This leaves them time to play street hockey and recruit Keenan and his knucklepuck to the team. Bombay’s old mentor Hans…’s brother Jan (for real) shows up and also demands he rediscover his love in the only way anyone knows how: blading it out at the beach in hot pants. He blades so hard that he’s late for the game. He arrives in the third to a tie game with Germany and helps inspire the Ducks to a win. With the help of Keenan in the following game against Russia, the Ducks win again. In the final it’s a close and tough game against Iceland until they find the Ducks inside of us all and quack their way to a tie. They go to a shootout where Bombay replaces Goldberg with Julie (the Cat) for the final shooter and she saves the day (literally). THE END (or is it? (no, duh… but also they have to sing We Are the Champions obviously)).

This is the hardest of the films to judge. It is ludicrous. But it also cranking nostalgia at levels not seen since Rufio. Everything in the film hits. The new player, gimmicks, Rodeo Drive, opposing teams, everything. You can almost tell in real time them realizing that Bombay kind of sucks and they need to go more for the players doing pranks and stuff. More crazy gimmicks on and off the ice! By the time you get to the end of the film there may as well be a dog playing. The rulebook has been thrown so far out the window that it rocketed into outer space. As for the whole idea of branding: still here. Knowing that the Ducks made for big headlines by breaking the Hawk’s streak, Hendrix Hockey brought them in hoping for another miracle with the kids wearing his equipment. Once again I feel like they set this up and then just decide it’s not worth following through on. Hendrix clearly should have been a bad guy. Just wants the miracle for his shitty equipment. They should have said “no way” and played in Hans/Jan’s equipment. Instead he just affably stands by while they make his dreams come true. Weird. Overall. A++ for nostalgia. Somehow the worst actual film of the franchise (but, shhh, I don’t care).

Hot Take Clam Bake! I don’t think Bombay and the Icelandic trainer are going to make it. First of all I don’t even know her name… I guess her name is Maria… which is also the name of the actress. They probably had [Insert name here] in the script. It’s like when an athlete adds “Sr.” to their jersey. Never a good sign. Second of all, she’s hot stuff and what? Bombay’s going to go to Iceland? No way. He’s gotta take that sweet job with the Goodwill Games (see: D3: The Mighty Ducks). Finally, I can officially say it: Coach Bombay kinda sucks. He keeps getting roped in by the sweet green and having to reignite his passion for the game by skating/blading his little heart out. Everyone needs to move on from this dude. Only person more overrated in the series is Goldberg. Hot Take Temperature: Iceland.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me being a pretty sweet skater, but then an eeeeevil Icelandic hockey player slashes me in the knee, cripples me, and laughs in my face. “Well worth it” he says.* Let’s go!

The Good? Alright, this was a stalwart of young Sklog life, and I think illustrates an important factor in children’s entertainment. Specifically, when you are a child the second Mighty Ducks is the best one. It has the coolest uniforms, they get to pick and choose the best characters and replace the bad ones with more interesting ones, and you are seeing neat places like Los Angeles and playing on the biggest stage. When you are an adult the second film is either extraordinarily silly or abominable depending on how much you like the first one. I enjoy the silliness of the second one, even if some of the choices are weird.

The Bad? Let’s just go through some of those weird choices. They didn’t get Hans back and instead of recasting they get his previously unmentioned brother who then disappears for the third film, odd choice. They seem to seriously suggest Bombay was going to make the NHL at like a 32 year old rookie. Not impossible, it just feels rather unlikely. Also he goes from not playing hockey for about 20 years to borderline professional within a year. The endurance itself would take longer. He was a lawyer (and borderline alcoholic) for like 10 years! I personally doubt his back was going to hold up let alone any of the rest of his body. They then proceed to make him a sell out trash person (in line with his original character I suppose, not so much with Reformed Bombay) when the eeeeevil Team USA corporate overlord was right there ready to destroy the spirit of the team. Obviously Cat should have always been starting over Goldberg, a person who can barely skate and seems to be an objectively terrible goalkeeper. And finally Iceland has approximately 300 thousand people, just about the same number of people as Madison, Wisconsin. My understanding is that until recently they didn’t even really have any ice rinks on the island and only started to gear up their youth hockey program 20 years after this film came out. Why they chose Iceland and not something like Canada or even maybe Sweden as a (more friendly) rival is beyond me.

Again this film is very very very silly. The fact that they basically just ignore all of the lore from this film (outside of that kid they picked up off the street in L.A. moving to Minnesota to attend a private high school there) is incredible.

The actual good of the film I guess is that a good number of the characters they invented for the second film move forward to the third, which is probably a sign that they were doing something right.

The BMT? I think so. Of the three films this is the one that teeters right on the edge of so bad it’s good. It is so weird and silly that, personally, I can’t help but have fun with it.

Again, I think Goldberg is a Planchet (Who?), just getting dunked on all day. I’m inventing a new category, The Sklog Daily Lexicon (What?) for the word Knucklepuck entering firmly into everyday use in the world of the late-90s Sklogs. Definitely Setting as a Character (Where?) for saying fuck it and moving the production to the much more convenient Los Angeles. I do like the Wait This was Real (Why?) for the use of the Goodwill Games as the reason behind the entire movie taking place. The movie is very very BMT in my opinion, I probably watched it a dozen times on cable in the late-90s / early 00s.

Learn all about the real Goodwill Games I would think, in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Mighty Ducks Recap

Jamie

I can’t even imagine how big of a sensation The Mighty Ducks was. Mostly because, while the film was obviously a huge part of my cinematic life, it came out at a time where the memory of its actual release is hazy. Almost like The Mighty Ducks was always. And think about this, the film was such a sensation that there is still a major pro sports team named the Ducks. That’s Jurassic Park status. Anyway, it’s hard to parse these types of films from nostalgia. It’s why we avoided things like this (and Hackers) for a substantial chunk of BMT. How can we have anything from love and affection for The Mighty Ducks? And yet at a certain point it became undeniable that these films must be given the BMT treatment. For the sake of history. And so here they are, destined to win a Freddy Got Fingered award.

To recap, Gordon Bombay is a high powered lawyer. Sure he has a past life as a hockey-loving phenom with a dad who just wanted him to love the game with all his heart. But when that dad died, so did that love of fun. Replaced with a love of that sweet green, a need for speed and a taste for a couple of road sodas. Uh oh! Those road sodas come back and bite him when he’s pulled over and (given his general ‘tude in the courtroom) sentenced to *gulp* coach Peewee hockey! Mr. Ducksworth, this has to be a joke. That’s how he finds himself coaching the ragtaggingest ragtag group of nogoodniks this side of the Twin Cities. Things start out rough, but Gordon’s old friend, Hans, reminds him to recall the fun in hockey and he gains the trust of the team. Amongst this group is Spazway (a.k.a. Charlie Conway) who Gordon sees something in and takes under his wing. What’s that? He also has a smoking hot single mom? Oh my, Gordon hadn’t noticed, but now that you mention it… Anyway, this group is jokesters who don’t even really know how to skate, so Gordon goes out and finds even ragtaggier kids to join the team and help out. Things start coming together, so Gordon uses his lawyer skillz to find out the star player from the eeeevil Hawks, Banks, should be on his team. Blinded by his need to get one over on the Hawks’ eeeevil Coach Riley, Gordon inadvertently insults his entire team and they quit. Faced with this and the possibility of losing his job over the Banks fiasco he realizes that he doesn’t want to be a lawyer anyway. Suddenly the team is back in and they are marching to the championship. In the big game the Ducks are overmatched but play to a draw and Charlie gets a penalty shot to win it (Spazway!). Using Gordon’s patented Triple Deke, Charlie wins the game. THE END (or is it? (Nevveeerrrrrrr!)).

Is this film good? I’d like to frame this from the vantage point of Franchise Man. The Big FM would want you to understand the crux of The Mighty Ducks: marketing. Every movie is in some way about the Ducks being exploited by larger forces but ultimately coming through because of the exact opposite of marketing: genuine fun. Gordon Bombay has to forget what got him into this in the first place. He was in trouble and to get out of trouble he would coach the team. The team sucked, so to help them not suck he got his law firm to sponsor them. Ultimately, in all three movies(!), the film itself chooses fun rather than acknowledging it. They could have had Ducksworth come up and apologize, but no. Forget all that. All in all, though, the film is really weird. It’s like 85% saddo Gordon Bombay. I did appreciate the accuracy of the sports scenes in the end. Only the climactic goal is sorta fudged. They imply Bombay could choose anyone to take the penalty shot and have him explicitly choose Spazway. That doesn’t make sense with the rules. Overall, pretty middling, but an A+ for nostalgia.

Hot Take Clam Bake! You know, I don’t think Bombay and Charlie’s mom are going to make it. First of all he’s about to venture forth on a quest for the NHL as a thirty-something year old 5’7” rookie who (allegedly) quit playing after Peewee hockey. I’m thinking he won’t have much time to be there for a single mom working as a waitress to provide for her son. Second of all, she’s cute and the single guys of the Twin Cities are probably ready to pounce while he’s off toiling away on the Kalamazoo Wings. Third of all they totally whiff on Charlie’s last name in the credits of the film (Conroy? Come on)… so I don’t think they’re putting much stock in the character. Hot Take Temperature: 10,000 Frozen Lakes.

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me totally beefing it on the hockey rink, but then a second gif where Coach Bombay teaches me soft hands, but then a third gif where he starts dating my mom, but then a fourth gif where maybe I’m happy he’s dating my mom because then Coach Bombay would be my dad maybe? But then a fifth gif where he stops dating my mom and we never mention it again* Let’s go!

The Good? This movie. That’s the entire review I think we’ve said enough here. But for real, the strength of the original Mighty Ducks is that it is that thing that existed since the Bad News Bears (I think) where it is an ensemble kids’ film. Disney is just doing Disney things and snatching up bonafide kids superstars (Danny Tamberelli anyone?) and hanging an entire franchise on someone I would say is probably a Kid Actor Hall of Fame candidate in Joshua Jackson.

Speaking of which, since there isn’t much else to talk about with this film in terms of BMTness or badness, there was a question on Reddit where someone asked why kid actors on television often turn into abominable teen actors. I think the answer is fairly obvious: When you are a kid actor they often play to your strength early in a series. Namely precocious quips and one liners. Once you get to later seasons of a show and you start getting paid more (presumably), you are expected to handle dramatic scenes yourself. The kids who are the actual stars of their shows (Blossum, Corey from Boy Meets World, etc.) are often fine because they were cast to hold their own in these heavier scenes. But the actors who start as just window dressing to the main star of a show (e.g. the three kids on Home Improvement), they can get a bit dicey as time goes on. Now why am I mentioning this here? Because Joshua Jackson did get a bit dicey as a teen, but he was still good enough to transition to a elder teen on Dawson’s Creek, and has had a pretty impressive television career since. That’s what these movies need, and the entire kid cast is pretty great in the original.

The Bad? Nothing? Naw, sure. The actual thing is that they really get wild with some of the stats. At one point they suggest Bombay scored like 200 goals in a youth hockey season … Do they know how many games they play in youth hockey? I don’t think it is like 80. Somehow I think they are suggesting Bombay was scoring like 10 goals a game. Somewhat unrealistic.

The BMT? Naw, it is actually pretty offensive this even qualifies. This movie is a genuine banger. Great movie. Would watch it again right now.

I think we maybe have a Planchet (Who?) here in either Lester Averman (although people aren’t really dunking on him, more like just laughing at him, he’s true comic relief) or Goldberg. A great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Saint Paul, MN (at least in part, the place Charlie’s mother works is definitely in Saint Paul). I’m making up a new category for Slo-Motion Childhood Tragedy (Why?) for Bombay missing a penalty shot in the finals of the Twin Cities Youth Hockey Championship, his dad dying, and him quitting hockey all in the same year. ROUGH. This movie is Good, get the fuck out of here.

Learn all about NHL teams probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

D2: The Mighty Ducks Quiz

When did the Mighty Ducks win the Stanley Cup? 2006? Was Charlie Conway on the team? Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The Goodwill Games was a real thing that ran from 1986 to 2001. It was created by what media mogul who pioneered the superstation concept and 24-hour news?

2) Amazing. You can see the VHS for this movie on the bedstand of the character Joey in the season 7 episode of Seinfeld The Wait Out. That character is played by Todd Bosley who you definitely recognize from Little Giants which starred what two actors as opposing coaches?

3) Julie “The Cat” Gaffney is from Bangor, Maine which features a 31 foot statue of which Canadian lumberjack folk hero?

4) Two important Mighty Ducks signature moves are introduced in the film. The first is a team effort. And the second is a move exclusive to late addition Russ Tyler (played by Keenan Thompson). Name both.

5) The movie of course ends with Queen’s We Are the Champions, which amazingly peaked at only number 4 on the US Charts. Queen would only have two US Chart toppers. Name either.

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Just in time for Christmas, on December 3, 1995, D2 went up against:

What is this movie with a very long title?

Answers

The Mighty Ducks Quiz

Who won the Stanley Cup in 1999? The Dallas Stars? I am unfamiliar with such a team, although I do know the Minnesota North Stars. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Let’s start with an Emilio question. He comes from a somewhat legendary acting family. He (and his uncle Joe) kept their real names, whereas his father (Martin Sheen) and brother (Charlie Sheen) took on stage names. What is Martin Sheen’s birthname?

2) Come on a journey with me. There was an animated series followup involving humanoid ducks playing hockey and fighting evil (for real). The main character in that was Duke L’Orange, a play off the dish duck a l’orange which involves what kind of sauce?

3) You know this film had a bumping soundtrack. Who sang Good Vibrations?

4) Apparently the film was nominated for AFI’s 100 Cheers special list. So I guess it just got beat out by what 1982 Best Picture winner? Also a sports film it told a real life story about British athletes.

5) Might as well keep it going: What did the aforementioned 1982 movie beat out for Best Picture that year?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: The Mighty Ducks pretty much only played on Disney. On March 5, 1994 it went up against this equally good film:

What is this film?

Answers

D2: The Mighty Ducks Preview

And by back-up plan he means bringing “back up” all the points he was already making (and more). Soon Jamie is back in the courtroom, having cited Resolution 4125 from 1933, whereby Hallston established that jury members had the right to cross examine witnesses. The entire third grade classroom of Dark Territory Elementary is shown a super rad video of Jamie himself performing samurai moves with his sword and then asked simple memory-based questions. They all fail. The teacher intervenes. “But sir, I was not distracted by the rad/horrifying nature of the murder,” she insists. Jamie scoffs. He measures out 300 yards between the teacher and the accused and asks for identification. No problem. He then stands, shirtless, next to the young man. The teacher’s eyes widen and a murmur can be heard from the gallery. The teacher has to admit, “It’s uncanny. I can’t tell the difference.” Three more of the witnesses give him a thumbs up. It’s now 9-3 for ‘not guilty.’ Suddenly, a hubbub can be heard in the back of the room. Ms. LaRouche’s boss, Mr. Duckworth, is loudly whispering and making dramatic hand gestures at her. “I demand to know what is going on here. I understand we want to set this young man free, but do we need this… this…” They hear him hiss, pointing at Jamie, “riff raff being the one doing it? We’ll never work in this town again!” Ms. LaRouche is trying to calm him down, but the damage is done. The jury can now smell blood in the water. They must be on the right track when even the big wig defense lawyers are getting cold feet. Two more votes change. Just one more hold out… Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Mr. Duckworth,” Jamie says softly and Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Thank you, indeed, Mr. Ducksworth. Without you forcing Gordon Bombay into coaching hockey, we wouldn’t get to watch all three for BMT. Let’s go!

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 22.0%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.9%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, Color of Night, In the Army Now, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Death Wish: The Face of Death, and 35 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, The Scout, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, On Deadly Ground, Street Fighter, Exit to Eden, Blown Away, Drop Zone, Speechless; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, S.F.W., The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, The Specialist, and 26 more; Notes: This time the BMT classic Clifford is the surprising one. Played 92 times on television, only being beat by Clear and Present Danger. This played 30 times. We’ve seen 14 of the top 20 in this case, which is quite good. What is up with 1992, why have we not seen anything from 1992? So weird.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Having led his rag-tag hockey team to surprise victory in The Might Ducks, Estevez now gets a chance to coach Team USA (incorporating his former Ducks) in the Junior Goodwill Games – and make a bundle of money as a potential celebrity. The kind of film gives “contrivance” a bad name”: a Disney movie with mixed messages about competition, commercialism, puberty, and sportsmanship. Kids may like it anyway. Sports stars ranging from Wayne Gretzky to KAreem Abdul Jabbar make cameo appearances.

(The mixed messages! This is a particular thing that we ended up noting on this rewatch as adults with adult brains. The film seems to have a hard time grappling with how to introduce a message about commercialism in sports without making Bombay look like a dick. And for no reason, they have a ready and willing eeeeeeeevil hockey equipment manufacturer right there! It is wild.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI9PFPLwEcE/

(It is like they compressed the video in 1994. What the hell? This movie is so stupid, but also like with a lot of series, often the worst film is actually the one you love the most as a kid. Wait … does it just play the Back to the Future theme in the middle of the trailer?)

Directors – Sam Weisman – ( Known For: George of the Jungle; Future BMT: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; The Out-of-Towners; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys for directing an episode of L.A. Law, and for producing and directing Brooklyn Bridge. Younger brother of David Weisman who produced Kiss of the Spider Woman.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Whoa! He directed the second as well. That was unexpected. I was sure he would only have character credits for the rest of the series.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: What else is there to say about Emilio really. Part of the Brat Pack, which I guess reminds me I should watch St. Elmo’s Fire at some point.)

Kathryn Erbe – ( Known For: Stir of Echoes; What About Bob?; Mistress America; Assassination Nation; Kiss of Death; Alex Strangelove; The Addiction; The Good House; Speaking of Sex; Entropy; Dream with the Fishes; Rich in Love; 3 Backyards; Death of a Unicorn; Worst Friends; Love from Ground Zero; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I Pretty much exclusively know here as the Watson to D’Onofrio’s Holmes in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. She ended up being in more episodes than D’Onofrio, because I forgot he was replaced by Goldblum for a short time.)

Michael Tucker – ( Known For: The Purple Rose of Cairo; Radio Days; Diner; Eyes of Laura Mars; Cold Souls; Tin Men; An Unmarried Woman; Checking Out; A Night Full of Rain; 25 Hill; Future BMT: For Love or Money; ‘Til There Was You; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys, all for L.A. Law, which I suppose is probably why he ended up being cast, as the director also worked on that show. What the hell, there was an L.A. Law TV Movie in 2002. That is wild.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $45,610,410 (Worldwide: $45,610,410)

(Not that much less than the first. For a Kids’ film I think that is a win? I don’t know if there is the same expectations for Kids’ films as there would be for a comedy where you maybe think the home video can parlay the theatrical to a higher gross.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Uh a consensus: Somehow a film that flirts with a moral against excessive commercialization is a soulless commercial cash grab.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Sequel is even more banal than the original. And it’s difficult to take seriously the new film’s position against the commercialism of sports, given Disney’s NHL ties. – Lois Alter Mark, EW

Poster – B2: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(You can tell they know exactly what’s up by putting the craziest team in the whole film, Trinidad and Tabago, on the poster with their tie-dye shirts. This looks a little rough compared to the first. Or should I say rushed. C-)

Tagline(s) – The Puck Stops Here! (C+)

(I like the effort. Obviously much better than the first. But like… what does this mean?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (franchise): 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 66.9 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021)

(Again, these are beloved films so the BMeTric will be muted. I wonder if we’ll ever actually watch all of the Madea films though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D2: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The Ducks who appeared in the first film but did not return for this one are: Dave Karp (Aaron Schwartz), Peter Mark (J.D. Daniels), Terry Hall (Jussie Smollett), Tammy Duncan (Jane Plank), and Tommy Duncan (Danny Tamberelli).

The scene after the first game with Iceland where Coach Bombay makes the team do sprints is based on Herb Brooks’ 1980 US Olympic team when they tied the Norwegian national team in an exhibition game. The team skated for about an hour even though the rink manager had turned the lights off.

Joss Ackland was apparently unavailable to reprise his role as Hans, and his position in the film was replaced by Jan Rubes as Jan, Hans’ brother. Hans’ non-appearance in the film was explained as him going back to Germany to visit his mother.

Maria Ellingsen, the actress who plays the Iceland trainer, was in fact born in Reykjavík, Iceland and taught the actors playing the Icelandic hockey team how to speak her native tongue.

Iceland’s uniforms are the same colors of the Hawks in The Mighty Ducks (1992).

The Mighty Ducks Preview

The Mighty Ducks (1992) – BMeTric: 16.3; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 5.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.3%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (22), Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (47), Cool World (58), Pet Sematary II (29), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (34), Toys (56), 3 Ninjas (60), Sleepwalkers (54), Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (42), Poison Ivy (37), Freejack (29), Evil Toons (19), Sidekicks (101), Aces: Iron Eagle III (54), Beethoven (18), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (44), Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (27), Dr. Giggles (14), Encino Man (59), and 31 more; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Freejack, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Innocent Blood; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Mo’ Money, and 16 more; Notes: Sidekicks is incredible. A League of Their Own, A River Runs Through It, and the somewhat odd film Hero are the only others which breaks the 100 plays from 1992. But Sidekicks?! Man, Chuck Norris had some juice! We’ve only seen 7 of those top 20 by BMeTric which is somewhat unimpressive. Quite surprising.

Leonard Maltin – 2 Stars – Harmless, cliched Disney yarn of self-centered yuppie lawyer Estevez who’s busted for drunk-driving, ordered to do community service, and assigned to coach a ragtag inner-city peewee hockey team. Guess what happens next. (Anaheim-based pro hockey team was formed by Disney in 1993 called … you guessed it.) Followed by D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, an animated series, and a TVM based on that series.

(Oh yeah, there was a movie based on the show. It has 700 votes on IMDb, so not exactly tearing it up. And bullshit, it isn’t even a real movie. It is just the first three episodes of the show! Maltin, you have to do better man.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um_JU7HpSYQ/

(Ha, the quality of this trailer is insane. I assume it was ripped off of a VHS. Even then … reducing it to 720x480ish it still is completely ridiculous looking. Oh the trailer? Looks fun as fuck.)

Directors – Stephen Herek – ( Known For: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Rock Star; Mr. Holland’s Opus; Critters; Our Little Secret; Afterlife of the Party; Dog Gone; The Chaperone; The Great Gilly Hopkins; Future BMT: 101 Dalmatians; The Three Musketeers; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Life or Something Like It; Man of the House; Holy Man; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Still directs. He was a producer and director on the MacGyver reboot, which seems to have kept him busy.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I don’t know how, but somehow he got hooked into the Sandler machine prior to Little Nicky in bit parts, and then wrote Little Nicky and has continued to act a bit in random Sandler films.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: Mostly directs now, and apparently is planning on directing a third Young Guns film? Not sure how that’s going to work.)

Joss Ackland – ( Known For: The Hunt for Red October; Lethal Weapon 2; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; K-19: The Widowmaker; Miracle on 34th Street; Watership Down; Flawless; The Three Musketeers; The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge; The House That Dripped Blood; Surviving Picasso; No Good Deed; A Zed & Two Noughts; Lady Jane; The Sicilian; Asylum; Firelight; The Thief and the Cobbler; The Little Prince; Mother’s Boys; Future BMT: Nowhere to Run; My Giant; A Kid in King Arthur’s Court; Once Upon a Crime…; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I randomly watched The Hunt for Red October and Lethal Weapon 2 pretty much back to back and I did a double take. He probably has the best villain in any Lethal Weapon film.)

Lane Smith – ( Known For: Network; My Cousin Vinny; Red Dawn; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Places in the Heart; Rooster Cogburn; Blue Collar; Prince of the City; Frances; Over the Edge; Prison; The Hi-Lo Country; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; Resurrection; The Last American Hero; Honeysuckle Rose; Between the Lines; Night Game; Purple Hearts; Weeds; Future BMT: Air America; Son in Law; The Distinguished Gentleman; The Scout; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Died in 2005. Apparently he sang songs on the Lois & Clark tv show in the 90s? Something tells me that is maybe a fake credit. There is no mention of this on Wikipedia. Maybe he just sang a song in the show or something.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $50,752,337 (Worldwide: $50,755,845)

(And that is how a phenomenon is born. Sigh, where have all the $10 million films gone. For real, look at this film … looks at how many actors are there. Half of them become like actually famous actors when they grow up. How do you make this for $10 million? The ice time alone!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (8/30): The Mighty Ducks has feel-good goals but only scores a penalty shot for predictability.

(Booooooooooooooooooooooo. This is a good movie. These days if this film was released people’s heads would explode. It would get like 90% on RT and top the Netflix charts.)

Reviewer Highlight: It must be said that this movie is sweet and innocent, and that at a certain level it might appeal to younger kids. I doubt if its ambitions reach much beyond that. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(They really cannot quit Goldberg. I don’t blame them. Chunky kids were my jam in kid’s comedy. Ham from The Sandlot. Larry from The Big Green. Zach from Son-in-law. I like the creativity with the poster. Very modern too. Extreme closeups are very common now. Font is nice with the speed streaks. I’m not in love with it, but I also don’t hate it. B-.)

Tagline(s) – He’s never coached. They’ve never won. Together they’ll learn everything about winning! (D)

(My word. No! Won and winning? You kidding?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

(Well yeah … because these are good films. We could have done an actual bad film for this, but what’s the fun in that? I think if I were to pick a franchise to smash here it would have been Karate Kid. The back two are genuine stinkers. Hot take: The second one sucks too, it is so dumb.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Jake Gyllenhaal, who was unknown at the time, auditioned for the role of Charlie Conway, but his parents wouldn’t let him do the movie so the producers ended up casting Joshua Jackson.

Before Emilio Estevez was offered and accepted the role of Gordon Bombay, Charlie Sheen, his brother, was offered the role, but turned it down.

Leonardo DiCaprio auditioned for the part of Charlie Conway but lost out to Joshua Jackson. In similar fashion, Juliette Lewis tried out for the part of Connie, but lost out to Marguerite Moreau.

The original premise of Mighty Ducks was much darker with very little comedy about an ex-NHL player turned alcoholic who seeks revenge on his old coach by coaching opposite him. The main idea stayed when Disney bought the rights to the movie, but some elements were changed (such as Bombay is now a lawyer, who never played in the NHL, who must do community service for a DUI), including much more emphasis on comedy and downplaying most of the adult themes.

Vincent LaRusso wasn’t given the role of Adam Banks initially, but later it was given to him when the child who originally played Banks became too difficult to work with.

The Strangers: Prey at Night Recap

Jamie

For some reason in my head the second Strangers movie was very well received, while the first one was kind of a squandered opportunity. So I had no idea I would actually be recapping and reviewing this film. Wasn’t this a well received film? No. In fact it is perfectly at our threshold for qualification. So perhaps one day we’ll look back on this film and chuckle about what a waste of time it was to recap the film as it so clearly does not qualify having achieved 50 good reviews out of 125… that’s just one more good review, BTW. And, spoiler alert, if I had it my way and BMT was a nationally recognized contributor to RottenTomatoes, then, indeed, this would not qualify any longer.

To recap, Cindy and Mike are struggling with their daughter Kinsey. She’s a girl on the wrong track and they are sending her to boarding school. Or are they? Not so fast, because once they arrive in Cindy’s uncle’s semi-abandoned trailer park they are in The Strangers’ world. Dollface, Pin-up Girl and Masky or whatever are going to kill them… and that’s basically what happens. Kinsey and her brother Luke go off on a walk and discover the aunt and uncle murdered. They’re totally grossed out and get their dad. Luke and Mike go off to figure out what’s going on and Cindy and Kinsey are attacked. Cindy helps Kinsey get out of there and is murdered. Strangers! Luke and Mike escape Masky and find Cindy dead. While searching for Kinsey they are attacked and Luke gets away while Mike is murdered. Strangers! Luke and Kinsey are now on their own and run to the general store where they try to call 911. Luke is badly injured, but the kids are starting to kill some of the Strangers too. Strangers! The police arrive but are killed. Strangers! Kinsey kills one of them. Strangers! Masky is basically Michael Myers and won’t be killed. Not yet Strangers! But then he’s killed. Strangers! Kinsey and Luke live and the stranger die (or do they? (don’t ask me)). THE END

I thought this was a fun movie. The climactic pool scene in particular I found to be very visually engaging (you taking notes, Night Swim?). What a whirlwind it was watching these two movies. I didn’t even really like the first (and best reviewed, it turns out) The Strangers film. I can see why actors found it interesting. It starts like a drama and then dives into the horror and you’re thinking “oh wow, does this have to do with that drama?” The answer is obviously “no” dummy. The movie is called The STRANGERS. The point ends up being that they are doing it for funsies. But I guess that’s where I kind of throw my hands up. So the drama is meaningless and the kills are also meaningless. So it’s all just a trumped up regular slasher film? Anyway, I didn’t much care for it, although I got some chills from it. The sequel, though, as I said, was much more polished. I thought it looked great and I do think it smoothed a bit more of the theme of the films. People with drama aren’t thinking clearly and get themselves into weird situations. These situations are where The Strangers strike because all it takes is for you to be alone. No other reason. I liked it.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Splurge for a Holiday Inn, dummies. I know you want to see your uncle in his creepy abandoned trailer park, but also… continental breakfast? Ever heard of it? In fact, why doesn’t your uncle make a day of it? Date night at the Holiday Inn. Money’s tight, I get it. You have the unexpected cost of sending your problem child to boarding school. You know what’s financially prudent? A Holiday Inn. Do you know what’s not? Getting killed in an abandoned trailer park. Hot Take Temperature: Full Body Burn.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me in a totally spooky mask and creeping around the woods.* Let’s go!

Fun fact: We didn’t realize this qualified until after we watched it. So now I’m begrudgingly writing about a movie I didn’t really plan on having to remember stuff about.

The Good? Out of the three movies I think this one had the most interesting stuff in it. The first had issues where I just thought they acted dumb and in general they were kind of unpleasant. This one had a few good set pieces (like the swimming pool) and in general I think the final girl ended up being much better. I don’t particularly like horror in general, but this was on the okay side.

The Bad? Franchises like this I think are just lame. They have three bad guys from the first one and then don’t really add anything? In a way they dare the viewer to wonder if any of them will be killed (they are). But still, unlike Freddy, they really don’t have a personality. In fact, the series draws some of its eeriness from the explicit face that they _don’t_ have personality despite intriguing masks. It doesn’t really work beyond the first movie, they should have had totally different bad guys in my opinion.

The BMT? I don’t think any of the franchise really transcends what it is, which is a mostly brainless series of jumpscares.

I had two additional idea on how to pull out images from a batch process accurately. The first was last time (just a number, seemed to work). My second idea was a hash. Well that also worked:

The issue is that it couldn’t quite translate the hashes properly (in that it would mix up the letters). I have a feeling it would also be a problem with using imdb stubs (the next test) or large indices, but that would need to be for a larger test.

Dumb Bad Guy Names (Who?) goes to Pin-up Girl and Doll Face, just terrible horror film villain names. According to Wikipedia this is a Setting as a Character (Where?) for somewhere in Ohio. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the final scene which (much like the third film) teases that she is going to be attacked again in the hospital, but that doesn’t seem like it is going to be resolved. The film is Bad I think, but a lot of that is just that I don’t like horror films, so it has to be very BMT or very Good to get my vote for that.

I guess we’ll probably learn about dumb masks or something in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Strangers: Prey at Night Quiz

When do Strangers Prey? At Night, duh! Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Prey? Good question. How many Predator films have there been? And yes, this would count any film in which the Predator appears as a primary character.

2) On the soundtrack we have the song Total Eclipse of the Heart which was written by Jim Steinman, but who was the Welsh singer who sang it?

3) The brother in the film is played by Lewis Pullman. You guessed it, he’s the son of Bill Pullman. That is fun. One of his first ever roles was in Spaceballs where he played a Han Solo parody. What was his character’s name?

4) Bailee Madison plays the sister. She played Snow White in Once Upon a Time. The Snow White you’ll know was the original animated film released by Disney during their Golden Age. There are four other films in the Golden Age. Name them.

5) The original film referenced one main crime which was the Manson Family Tate murders. The actual inspiration was the book which detailed the killings. Written by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry, what is the name of the book?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Speaking of home invasions, Patriot Games played primetime on May 15, 1993 on HBO, up against:

What is this film?

Answers

The Strangers: Prey at Night Preview

“The what?!” Jamie and Patrick say in shock. “The American Society of Movie Nerds,” the man says, rubbing some dirt from the placard as he passes through the door, “Why? What did you think it said?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other. “So, what is this place?” Jamie says after an unnecessarily long pause. They appear to be in a tunnel system of some sort. “Oh, just a place where movie nerds can get together and crunch the numbers on movies,” says the man, who they will come to know as Jacques. But neither of them are listening. For they have just entered a room full of the most wondrous sights. With a trembling hand Jamie reaches for a nearby shelf and gently grabs a VHS copy of Crackerjack. A tear rolls down his face. Jacques dabs his cheeks with a handkerchief. “Careful there,” he says soothingly, “you don’t want to damage the box with your tears.” Have they found their soul mate? They can feel the memory of Kyle fading like a photo of Marty McFly. After Jacques shows them a couple rare VHS copies of lesser known Canadian T&A comedies, Jamie, for the first time, sees a light at the end of his tunnel of grief. He turns to Jacques to ask if he might volunteer here, but Jacques is distracted. Jamie and Patrick huddle with him and see that he’s looking at a couple of fellow nerds. But there is something… off about these nerds. “Huh, that’s funny…” Patrick muses, “why are they so focused on the Star Wars and Star Trek stuff and not…” “the rare stuff,” they all say in unison. “Those aren’t nerds at all!” Jacques says in a panic before pulling an alarm and yelling, “There are strangers among us!” That’s right! There are Strangers among us. The Strangers: Prey at Night and The Strangers: Chapter 1, the two sequels to The Strangers. I’ve never seen any of them so I better buckle up. Let’s go!

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) – BMeTric: 53.7; Notability: 13

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 24.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.6%; Higher BMeT: Slender Man, The Open House, Holmes & Watson, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Fifty Shades Freed, Siberia, The Titan, How It Ends, Gotti, Truth or Dare, Fahrenheit 451, The Predator, Robin Hood, The Nun, The Possession of Hannah Grace, The Week Of; Higher Notability: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Venom, The Predator, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, The Happytime Murders, Hunter Killer, Holmes & Watson, Mortal Engines, Death Wish, The Cloverfield Paradox, Fifty Shades Freed, Game Over, Man!, 7 Days in Entebbe, Johnny English Strikes Again, Overboard, The Girl in the Spider’s Web, The 15:17 to Paris, Gringo, Welcome to Marwen, The Darkest Minds, and 40 more; Lower RT: Gotti, The Open House, Billionaire Boys Club, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Slender Man, Replicas, Holmes & Watson, The Professor, Fifty Shades Freed, Winchester, Siberia, Little Italy, Peppermint, Life Itself, The Outsider, Robin Hood, The Darkest Minds, Truth or Dare, Look Away, The Kissing Booth, and 41 more; Notes: Slender Man, oh, the promise of the Bye Bye Man vibes, but just never really got there. Amazing it appears to have the highest BMeT of any film from 2018. That’s wild. Someday Gotti. Someday.

RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – Ten years is a long gap between a movie and its sequel, especially for a horror movie. That gap, though, seems as if it was enough time for the filmmakers of “The Strangers: Prey at Night” to get it right.

(Oh snap. The odd thing about Prey at Night is just that. I thought it was like … well received. Then it turned out it wasn’t? Kind of wild. Have we ever done a four star RogerEbert.com film? I venture to say no, although it is more possible since his passing and specifically a Horror film I would think.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNQrKls7k-Q/

(So … the same movie as before? I guess that is the allure of franchises like this. The same thing but more extreme and weirder over and over and over again. Like Saw.)

Directors – Johannes Roberts – ( Known For: 47 Meters Down; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged; The Other Side of the Door; V/H/S/99; Storage 24; F; Forest of the Damned; Hellbreeder; BMT: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: Man, Racoon City, remember that one? Oh snap, she has an upcoming film called Primate which is effectively just Cujo with a chimp.)

Writers – Bryan Bertino – ( Known For: The Strangers; The Dark and the Wicked; The Monster; Mockingbird; BMT: The Strangers: Prey at Night; The Strangers: Chapter 1; Notes: Writer for the original. He has a film coming out this year (it claims) called Vicious with Dakota Fanning.)

Ben Ketai – ( Known For: Malevolent; River Wild; Johnny Frank Garrett’s Last Word; BMT: The Forest; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: He has some Crackle show called StartUp with Ron Perlman he created and wrote 30 episodes for. Television is wild man.)

Actors – Christina Hendricks – ( Known For: Drive; Toy Story 4; The Neon Demon; Detachment; Dark Places; Scoob!; Crooked House; Lost River; Struck by Lightning; God’s Pocket; Ginger & Rosa; American Woman; Candy Jar; Pottersville; The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry; The Family Tree; Company; Egg; Leonie; South of Pico; Future BMT: Life as We Know It; Bad Santa 2; BMT: Zoolander 2; Fist Fight; The Strangers: Prey at Night; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Remember Man Men? She is still doing a ton of television (lots of voice work), and has some mini-series upcoming. She was nominated for six Emmys. Never won. Which seems crazy. I think she ran into a buzzsaw of Justified, The Good Wife, and Downton Abbey. Still … at the very least the second season right?)

Martin Henderson – ( Known For: The Ring; Everest; X; Miracles from Heaven; Bride & Prejudice; Battle in Seattle; Little Fish; Skagerrak; Cedar Boys; The Moment; Kick; Future BMT: Smokin’ Aces; Windtalkers; Flyboys; BMT: The Strangers: Prey at Night; Torque; Devil’s Knot; Notes: Is very much in some television series called Virgin River. And then has something called Alphas in post-production.)

Bailee Madison – ( Known For: Bridge to Terabithia; Brothers; Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark; Conviction; Lonely Hearts; Phoebe in Wonderland; A Week Away; Play Dead; An Invisible Sign; Look; Cowgirls ‘n Angels; Saving Sarah Cain; A Cinderella Story: Starstruck; A Cowgirl’s Story; Watercolor Postcards; 25 Hill; Future BMT: Parental Guidance; Letters to God; BMT: Just Go with It; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: Was in 57 episodes of some series called Good Witch. And she’s in the Pretty Little Liars … spin off? I have no idea what Original Sin is.)

Budget/Gross – $5 million / Domestic: $24,586,708 (Worldwide: $31,039,126)

(That’s great. I don’t really understand why it took so long to make a sequel and why it took so long to just go for the trilogy … then again, the new one is apparently terrible.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 40% (49/124): The Strangers: Prey at Night may appeal to fans of the original who’ve been jonesing for a sequel, but its thin story and ironic embrace of genre tropes add up to a bloody step back.

(Juuuuuuuust barely qualifies. Pretty silly. For years it didn’t, but then I think they got rid of one of the reviews or something? The lack of clarity on Rotten Tomatoes is quite frustrating. It really should operate a lot more like wikipedia than … whatever it is.)

Reviewer Highlight: Two films in, The Strangers has already become a horribly familiar franchise. – Clack Collis, EW

Poster – The Sklogs: Rich and Poe

(This is treating The Strangers like it’s Texas Chainsaw. Otherwise it’s… still kind of bad. Bad font. Looks kind of cheap. I don’t like it much at all. But it doesn’t hurt my eyes. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Let us prey. (B-)

(I mean, yes. I will ding it for being too generic.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 62.1 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (franchise): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(Since this is a bonus it won’t show up. And also because of how I generated the email it also thinks we haven’t seen The Strangers: Chapter 1. But it is one of two good options, and Kraven was a bonus Live we did right at the last minute, so this was the best option.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bailee Madison is No. 1 billed in The Strangers: Prey at Night and No. 6 billed in Just Go with It, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Before the script was re-written, Kristen McKay (Liv Tyler) from the first film was going to return for only for the opening scene, where she would be killed.

This film was announced back in 2009.

There’s a scene in the movie where Luke puts down a pistol on top of a book. The title of the book was “A Stranger is Watching.”

The Man In The Mask is the only killer in the film to not have any lines of dialogue.

The director admittedly doesn’t like slasher movies or home invasion movies.

Transylvania 6-5000 Quiz

What was the name of the doctor who created the monster in the novel by Mary Shelley? Dr. Frankenstein? Hell naw, that’s Dr. Malavaqua. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot

1) Pennsylvania 6-5000 was made famous by Glenn Miller, but it only hit number 5 on the Your Hit Parade charts. He did have many number one hits over his career including a rendition of what 1939 song which won the Best Original Song Oscar in 1940?

2) Speaking of, the local Transylvanian band butchers the song New York, New York, which naturally was written for the movie New York, New York. Not nominated for any Oscars (including Original Song, absurd), who directed that film?

3) The classic Universal Monsters (many of which are spoofed in this film) were considered to be what five monsters?

4) The film was financed by the Dow Chemical Company as a scheme to repatriate money accumulated in Yugoslav dinar that couldn’t otherwise be freed under Yugoslav law. Yugoslavia would split into Croatia, Slovenia, Macedonia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the Republic of Yugoslavia. What three countries did the Republic of Yugoslavia eventually split into?

5) Leonard Maltin is apparently somewhat famous for his one word review for the film which involved him in a video swaying along to Pennsylvania 6-5000 and when that part of the song comes up he says the name of the movie and what one word?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: On March 28th, 1997, Transylvania 6-5000 played on Comedy Central. A little earlier on TMC:

What is this film?

Answers