cat – Bad Movie Twins

Sleepwalkers Preview

Patrick and Kyle sit in the back of the kitchen watching Jamie and Samantha enjoy their PB&J sandwiches (aka The Assassins) while staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. “Boy, young love sure is amazing,” Patrick says. “Yeah,” Kyle agrees, “almost as amazing as the fact that I’ve never seen Cobra starring Sylvester Stallone.” The color drains from Patrick’s face and he recoils in disgust at this unexpected segue. He tries to remember back to when they first hired Kyle onto Bad Movie Twins and whether they went through their typical rigorous background check. Apparently not as determining Sly Stallone street cred was one of the primary ways in which they would separate the wheat from the chaff in the hiring process. “That’s OK,” Patrick croaks, but things weren’t OK at all. How was he going to get rid of Kyle? Before he could craft a plan to remove Kyle from the equation he notices Kyle is trying to get his attention. “What is it?” he snaps. “I just was saying, isn’t it funny that I mentioned Cobra and it happened to be playing at the theater across the street?” Indeed, when Patrick looks out the window of the kitchen he sees those beautiful words: “Cobra special 12:30pm showing”. Thank god! Patrick looks over at Jamie and is relieved to see that after finishing the PB&J sandwiches he and Samantha have started smooching pretty hard. That should progress into a full on make out session and that should give them the necessary 87 minutes to take in Cobra in all its glory. “Grab your shit,” Patrick says rudely and drags him across the street. Exactly 87 minutes later they stumble back into the sunlight. They are both stunned into silence, the glazed look of sleepwalkers on their face. That’s right! We are watching the Stephen King penned film Sleepwalkers which is about incestuous werecats shapeshifters. Totally normal film for a couple of totally normal guys like us. Let’s go!

Sleepwalkers (1992) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.9%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Mighty Ducks, Innocent Blood, The Distinguished Gentleman, Radio Flyer, This Is My Life, Kuffs, Man Trouble, Encino Man, Mom and Dad Save the World, and 1 more; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Mo’ Money, and 22 more; Notes: We really are hitting some top BMeT and Notability films. This having a Notability of 40+ in particular is wild. This played an amazing 54 times on television. Was this a rewatchable film? Unclear. Premiered Cinemax primetime on May 12, 1993, a Wednesday, which indeed was the “premiere” slot for Cinemax 8 P.M. in 1992. As for the rest of the high BMeT, just those two horror sequels left, Pet Sematary II and Children of the Corn II.

Variety – Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers is an idiotic horror potboiler. New approach to the vampire legend is really a variation on TriStar’s 1988 flop The Kiss. Brian Krause and mom Alice Krige are incestuous monsters called Sleepwalkers who survive by draining the life force from virgin girls. – Staff

(Wait wait wait … what’s The Kiss now? Do I need to watch The Kiss?! Do I have homework?! Anyways, I do like the sound of “idiotic”, give me that all day.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge6_zTJPhUc/

(That is glorious in an 80s kind of way. A very 80s cast. A Stephen King cameo in the trailer seems like something special. I wonder how many trailers he’s been in.)

Directors – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Riding the Bullet; Nightmare Cinema; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Critters 2: The Main Course; Notes: What a wild career. Was hired as the secretary for the Star Wars Company when it started, then he hosted some Z-Channel interview show, then he did Making Of shorts for a bunch of films, and then he started doing Stephen King stuff. He directed The Shining mini-series that King thought was better than the Kubrick one.)

Writers – Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; Stand by Me; The Mist; It Chapter Two; 1408; Misery; Doctor Sleep; Secret Window; Carrie; The Running Man; Carrie; Gerald’s Game; Pet Sematary; Pet Sematary; Christine; The Dead Zone; 1922; Future BMT: Children of the Corn; Thinner; Creepshow 2; Needful Things; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: The Dark Tower; Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Firestarter; Maximum Overdrive; Sleepwalkers; Firestarter; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Notes: Oh wow he straight up wrote this. That’s … nuts. One sec. Yeah, so this is the first film written by King to not be based on one of his preexisting works. Also there is only one other film where he was the sole writer, Maximum Overdrive being the other.)

Actors – Brian Krause – ( Known For: Growth; Hollywood.Con; Plan 9; Naked Souls; Red Sky; Poseidon Rex; Toolbox Murders 2; Cyrus; Triloquist; Alien Rising; Protecting the King; Absolute Killers; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Return to the Blue Lagoon; Notes: Still acting, although, honestly in what appears to be a whole lotta schlock. He was in 145 episodes of Charmed.)

Mädchen Amick – ( Known For: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me; Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces; Dream Lover; The Boyfriend School; The Borrower; Scenes of the Crime; Bombshell; French Exit; Future BMT: Trapped in Paradise; BMT: Priest; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Still acts, most notably in 117 episodes of Riverdale. I recognized her from Twin Peaks.)

Alice Krige – ( Known For: Thor: The Dark World; Reign of Fire; Star Trek: First Contact; Solomon Kane; Chariots of Fire; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Gretel & Hansel; The Contract; Lonely Hearts; Barfly; A Christmas Prince; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding; The Little Vampire; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby; Skin; Will; She Will; The Bay of Silence; The Betrayed; The Calling; Future BMT: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Ghost Story; King David; BMT: Silent Hill; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Ah ha! It’s the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact. That’s incredible. She does have a look. She did the voice in the Picard show as well.)

Budget/Gross – $15 million / Domestic: $30,524,763 (Worldwide: $30,524,763)

(This actually is an interesting about of money. King always seemed like a difficult person to make a movie with so I doubt a sequel of any kind would have been in the cards … is a little weird he never got the shot to write another original though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(The consensus is funny really, it is basically: Same old stuff, feels like King just cashed that check … he probably did. It’ll be over 40% soon I think, every recent review is good.)

Reviewer Highlight: As it sleepwalks towards its ungrand finale, the new King invention falls back on familiar things. – Malcolm Johnson, Hartford Courant

Poster – Sklogwalkers

(This is fun. Like the cover of an old school paperback. I love it. Maybe just a tad more of the dusk sky would have made it pop a little more. Still, it’s great. A.)

Tagline(s) – They feast on your fear – and it’s dinner time. (C-)

(Wait… what? They eat your fear? I don’t think that’s true. I think they eat you… like physically consume you. So this tagline is lying to you. Do not believe it.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Armageddon (1998), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), …

Best Options (Horror): 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 50.8 Sleepwalkers (1992), 48.7 Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995), 46.9 Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 Diabolique (1996), 43.4 Village of the Damned (1995), 42.1 Ghost in the Machine (1993), 41.7 Disturbing Behavior (1998), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 38.7 Dr. Giggles (1992), 38.6 Hideaway (1995), 38.1 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Thinner (1996), 36.4 The Relic (1997), 35.3 Warlock: The Armageddon (1993), 35.1 Man’s Best Friend (1993), 32.6 Mary Reilly (1996), 31.4 My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), 28.4 Deep Rising (1998), 27.7 Bad Moon (1996), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.5 The Puppet Masters (1994), 26.0 Brainscan (1994), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 23.2 Popcorn (1991), 21.9 Screamers (1995)

(Those are some solid options, and … Jesus, so many of them are King horror films. This one is fun though because it just looks wild.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ron Perlman is No. 6 billed in Sleepwalkers and No. 2 billed in Season of the Witch, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch King David, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Lyman Ward and Cindy Pickett, who played Tanya’s parents, were also married in real life at the time of filming. (They had met when they appeared in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), where they also played a married couple).

Both Mick Garris and Mädchen Amick are allergic to cats, as revealed in the recent Scream Factory Blu-ray release. Amick didn’t reveal this to anyone until right as the film went into production.

According to director Mick Garris, Stephen King’s wife Tabitha King wrote a treatment for a sequel that would have involved a women’s basketball team.

During a Q&A celebrating the film’s 25th anniversary, director Mick Garris revealed the Enya song “Boadicea” was chosen for the film only because, of all the songs provided to him by Sony Music at the time for cross-promotion, it was the one song he felt fit the tone of the film.

Mick Garris cast Alice Krige as Mary Brady after remembering her appearance in Ghost Story (1981), which he had publicized when he worked as a publicist for Universal Pictures.

Argylle Preview

Jamie and Patrick bust through the doors backstage and immediately stop their fist fight. They shake hands and agree that pretending to be real mad at each other so they could escape the fashion show was a perfect plan. “I just hope Kyle and Samantha are OK,” Jamie says wistfully. Just then Kyle and Samantha bust through the door engaged in what looks like a violent bout of fisticuffs. They also immediately stop and Samantha turns to shake Jamie’s hand. “Great idea pretending to be real mad at each other. Hopefully no one else realizes that you two are clearly great twins that would never fight like that.” Patrick is impressed by Samantha’s quick grasp of their twin dynamics. Generally he’s been skeptical of the many demons that Jamie has been interested in, but Samantha seems different. She seems… “Are you a demon?” he blurts out quickly. “Good question,” Samantha responds cooly, “And no, I’m just a regular old former track star from a small town in Massachusetts. Sure my life has had some ups and downs, but,” she looks over at Jamie, “things are starting to look up.” Awwwww. “That’s cool,” Jamie says, trying to act tough. Patrick, though, wants a little more clarity on these “ups and downs” she’s talking about, but before he can get it they see the Fashion Police hot on their tails. Before they hightail it, Samantha turns to grab something from her bag. It’s a manuscript for her latest novel. “Oh, you’re an author? Uh… so am I, kind of. I’d love to hear about it some time,” Jamie says, stars in his eyes. “Sure,” Samantha responds breathlessly, “How about now?” Patrick wants to tell them that there just isn’t the time, but Kyle stops him. It’s just so romantic. That’s right! Speaking of fake books we’re taking a BMT Live! detour to catch the Taylor Swift film Argylle in theaters… what’s that? Taylor Swift didn’t write Argylle? So why are we watching it? Let’s go!

Argylle (2024) – BMeTric: 27.2; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.5%; Higher BMeT: Night Swim, Lift; Lower RT: The Painter, Wanted Man, Night Swim, Lift, Sunrise, Miller’s Girl; Notes: It does make sense that 40 would be the highest Notability for the year so far. I assume Madam Web is coming and will beat it out. Hopefully it beats it out for everything because that film is going to be hilarious.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “Argylle,” the stumbling, overcooked action flick from director Matthew Vaughn, begins with a kind of joke. … It’s a shame. “Argylle” had the potential to be a whip-smart parody. It unfortunately just seems to get tired of being the butt of the joke before it can deliver the punchline. But in attempting to avoid becoming a gag—laboring to connect this film with the Kingsman franchise—Vaughn imbues his film with anonymity, making it merely forgettable.

(Yeah, that does feel like what happened. Vaughn couldn’t quite decide if he wanted to do comedy-action or action-comedy and got stuck in the dead zone in the middle where the film does neither very well.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy6eNs3EW3E/

(This is genuinely one of the worst trailers I’ve seen in theaters in a while. I could tell it was all style and no substance right from the garbage needle drop.)

Directors – Matthew Vaughn – ( Known For: X-Men: First Class; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Kick-Ass; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Stardust; Layer Cake; The King’s Man; BMT: Argylle; Notes: I mostly knew him for Kick-Ass which was quite fun. He’s kind of wrapped himself all up in Kingsman properties (of which this is one?) and has two separate Kingsman things in production, not to mention the teaser after this movie about an Argylle prequel which I feel like now will never happen.)

Writers – Jason Fuchs – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; I Still See You; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Pan; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Was/is an actor primarily and does a lot of voices. Is writing an upcoming television series which serves as a prequel to Stephen King’s IT.)

Actors – Henry Cavill – ( Known For: Man of Steel; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Mission: Impossible – Fallout; The Man from U.N.C.L.E.; Stardust; Enola Holmes; Immortals; The Count of Monte Cristo; Enola Holmes 2; Whatever Works; Sand Castle; Night Hunter; Blood Creek; I Capture the Castle; Red Riding Hood; The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare; Future BMT: Tristan + Isolde; The Cold Light of Day; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Black Adam; Argylle; Notes: Surprisingly British, was at points rumored to be up for Bond. Is going to be the main character in a remake of Highlander. I don’t care … right up until his faithful remake of Highlander II.)

Bryce Dallas Howard – ( Known For: A Beautiful Mind; Jurassic World; Spider-Man 3; The Help; 50/50; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; The Village; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Rocketman; Hereafter; Gold; Pete’s Dragon; Manderlay; A Dog’s Way Home; Good Dick; To Each His Own Cinema; As You Like It; The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond; Book of Love; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Lady in the Water; Argylle; Notes: Is going to be in some television adaptation of Witch Mountain it looks like. The daughter of Ron Howard obviously.)

Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; Poltergeist; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars and won for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, the other was Vice. Has a few upcoming projects, most significantly probably being IF with Ryan Reynolds.)

Budget/Gross – $200–250 million / Domestic: $21,431,025 (Worldwide: $38,292,025)

(Absolutely brutal. It’ll make like $50. I suppose there is an argument that as an Apple film it doesn’t matter. But I imagine they thought it was going to be a theatrical release, otherwise why wouldn’t you just Ghosted it?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 33% (82/251): Argylle gets some mileage out of its silly, energetic spin on the spy thriller, but ultimately wears out its welcome with a convoluted plot and overlong runtime.

(IMO the issue with the convoluted plot is that it is only convoluted because they insisted on the twist that leads into the third act which then makes the third act abominable. If they had just stuck to their guns with the fish out of water story and hired a comedian as the lead then I think it could have kind of worked.)

Reviewer Highlight: What you’re left with as the credits roll is just the realization that time keeps marching on — and you’ve just lost 139 minutes of it. – Alissa Wilkinson, New York Times

Poster – Tárgylle

(That was what I wanted the memification of the film to be. Where we start a trend #Tárgylle and people go to the movie dressed a Lydia Tár. But that seems a little too manufactured. The tweens would see right through that. Patrick nailed it, though, and we’ll save that for the recap. Meanwhile this poster could rub people the wrong way, but just based on its work as a poster I think it’s pretty good. A-.)

Tagline(s) – Once you know the secret don’t let the cat out of the bag. (D)

(Boy, no. Why are they so focused on this cat and the bag? Just because TSwift made it a sensation and made people think she wrote the movie?)

Keyword(s) – Year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Argylle (2024), Mean Girls (2024), Night Swim (2024), Badland Hunters (2024)

Future BMT: 53.2 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 53.2 Night Swim (2024), 24.0 Argylle (2024)

(Yeah Night Swim is coming for the final cycle, which is exciting. In a way we probably should have saved Argylle as well … Should BMT Live be canceled? Should we replace it with something else?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Henry Cavill is No. 5 billed in Argylle and No. 2 billed in Justice League, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Matthew Vaughn cast Henry Cavill because “he needed someone who was born to play James Bond – which Henry is – and then nick him before Bond’s studio did.” Cavill was in fact a finalist to play Bond in Casino Royale (2006), but was rejected for being too young (he was then 22).

Alfie the Cat is played by Chip, owned by Matthew Vaughn’s wife Claudia Schiffer.

The font seen on the posters was commissioned specifically for the movie. It was created by the Walden Font Company.

Matthew Vaughn secured the rights to The Beatles’ song “Now and Then” a year before it was released. The song was being developed by Giles Martin, the son of longtime Beatles producer Sir George Martin, and Giles also served as music producer on Argylle. Vaughn recalled, “I was with [Giles] and I said, ‘I’m really struggling to find what I call the romantic song of the movie, ’cause I need it to be sad, but hopeful…’ And he said, ‘Do you want to hear a new Beatles song?’ And Giles has got a hell of a sense of humor, so I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah. Whatever.’ And he goes, ‘No, I’m being deadly serious.’ He played it to me, and it was as if Lennon had seen the film… We just slapped it on the movie, and we didn’t have to edit anything – it just fitted the picture.”

Argylle is named after the limo driver from the first Die Hard movie.

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Preview

Jamie awakens to find himself hanging by his feet in the rafters of the old mansion. “I know it’s a shock being a vampire and all,” says a voice. Turning to his side Jamie sees a young vampire smiling back at him. “But don’t worry. The name’s Odin and I’ll help you learn all the coolz vampire rulez at Dracula School.” Jamie does love rules, but he also knows that the librarian could be back at any moment to squeeze his twinzo powers out of him. “I’ll pass bro,” he says, pausing momentarily to turn his hat backwards, “I gotta find my brother, Patrick.” “Well maybe I can help you,” Odin replies, “you see we’re both Larbagios, those are vampires made by other vampires. We are mortal enemies of Hedgermias, those are vampires who made themselves vampires. There are also Royeldrums, those are vampires that were always vampires. We all fight and can never love unless bound by the Oaths of Keldronia, for otherwise our blood lust will overtake us and we will become Hedgermias. Thus we must be pure and remember that the flesh is sacred…” Rolling his eyes Jamie interjects, “Wish I could stay but look at the time…” As he turns to leave Odin suddenly transforms before his eyes into a large dog. “I didn’t get to the useful part yet,” the large dog says, “Larbagios can also transform into animals.” Oooo, that is helpful. With such a power Jamie will be able to sneak right by that librarian and start figuring out where Patrick is. Concentrating real hard he feel himself transform. Looking down he sees a mass of orange hair and black stripes. Great, a big ol’ fat orange cat. Not super inconspicuous, but it’ll have to do. That’s right! We’re (finally) watching Garfield and Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.

Patrick is mesmerized by the terrible teenage witch rap dance, unaware of time slipping away from him. Days pass, his lips cracked with dehydration, his mind lost in the glorious inanity he is viewing, his body dying. All of a sudden the door explodes, splinters showering Patrick and awakening him from his daze, bullets zip and crack, raining down on all manner of teenage witch and wizard. “LAPD! You have the right to remain dead,” a grizzled officer growls. Another officer, dressed in overalls with no shirt, shakes his head, “Gosh dern it Sticks, this was supposed to be an easy in and out job, just grab the kid and let’s get outta here!” The grizzled officer grabs Patrick roughly. “You’re welcome punk, Stones and I just saved your mind.” They drag Patrick through the front door and … onto another set? This one is dressed up as an alleyway. They drop Patrick into a pile of garbage, Sticks and Stones look at each other and nod, “Light’er up” says Stones. As they gleefully firebomb the witch’s house set, black doll eyes gleaming, Patrick’s mind begins to clear. Just then an alley cat walks by. “You don’t belong here” the cat says with a wink, and walks off. Wait … A talking cat!?! What is this place? That’s right! We’re also watching A Talking Cat!?!!

We move forward in the Bring A Friend cycle to watch two films that involve talking cats. That’s because Garfield is in fact a talking cat!?! We used to avoid films like Garfield (and the BONUS Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties) thinking they were “just for kids” and not worth our time. We eventually realized that that was patronizing and decided to give them a chance… and they turned out to mostly be not worth our time. But sometimes they can be fun. Here’s to hoping! As for A Talking Cat!?! It’s is a film!?! The verdict is still out. It certainly exists and it will play in front of our eyeballs, but it’s hard to say how or why this film(!?!) has become something of a cult classic. Even leading to a podcast A Talking Cast!?! Which broke down the film minute-by-minute. Jesus. What a week. Let’s go!

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006) – BMeTric: 61.8

(It is pretty shocking to see how close these two movies are in both IMDb rating (5.0 now) and in Rotten Tomatoes score (15% and 11%). Just more of the same I guess … but in England or whatever.)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – While tagging along with Meyer on a trip to London, Garfield is mistaken for a look-alike cat who’s come into a big inheritance. Minor but amusing. Alternate version runs 86m. Advertised as Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.

(What a short review. And basically reads, again, as: innocuous but secretly boring but also blessedly short. Which I guess i’m down with …)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLTnQko_Lz4

(Oh God. This looks terrible. Why would they do this? The original was so charming in how … local they kept it! Keep Garfield in … Indiana or wherever he lives.)

Directors – Tim Hill – (Known For: Muppets from Space; Future BMT: Alvin and the Chipmunks; Hop; Max Keeble’s Big Move; BMT: Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Notes: Developed Spongebob Squarepants, and turned to directing on shows like KaBlam! Amazingly it seems like he got the Muppets from Space as his first major directorial job. Seems like a big get.)

Writers – Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow (written by) – (Known For: Toy Story; Future BMT: Daddy Day Camp; Evan Almighty; Money Talks; Goodbye Lover; BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: Apparently they are working a project with Jamie Foxx and David Bautista called Groove Tails involving mice in a competitive dance competition … or something.)

Jim Davis (comic strip “Garfield”) – (BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Notes: Has an organization employing over 50 artists that work on the Garfield brand in general, managing its image and overall finances. He is currently an adjunct professor in Indiana.)

Actors – Breckin Meyer – (Known For: Clueless; The Craft; Road Trip; Can’t Hardly Wait; Rat Race; The Insider; Escape from L.A.; Go; Herbie Fully Loaded; Josie and the Pussycats; Kate & Leopold; Prefontaine; Dancer, Texas Pop. 81; Blue State; Future BMT: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; Rebound; 54; Caffeine; Touch; Tail Lights Fade; BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Pinocchio; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor for Pinocchio in 2003; Notes: Has been doing some television recently. Particularly Designated Survivor and is slated to star in The Fix on ABC it looks like.)

Jennifer Love Hewitt – (Known For: Tropic Thunder; Can’t Hardly Wait; Heartbreakers; Future BMT: Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit; Delgo; The Suburbans; The Truth About Love; House Arrest; Jewtopia; Telling You; BMT: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer; Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; The Tuxedo; I Know What You Did Last Summer; Notes: Just posted a flashback to some red carpet moments of her posing with her ex Carson Daly. Married to her The Client List co-star Brian Hallisay.)

Billy Connolly – (Known For: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies; Brave; Pocahontas; The Last Samurai; A Series of Unfortunate Events; Open Season; What We Did on Our Holiday; White Oleander; Muppet Treasure Island; Mrs Brown; Fido; Still Crazy; Quartet; The Return of the Musketeers; The Man Who Sued God; The Impostors; Beautiful Joe; An Everlasting Piece; Future BMT: Gulliver’s Travels; Beverly Hills Ninja; Indecent Proposal; The X Files: I Want to Believe; The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day; Wild Oats; Who Is Cletis Tout?; BMT: Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Timeline; Notes: Scottish singer turned comedian. Was a vocal opponent of Scottish independence in 2014.)

Budget/Gross – $60 million / Domestic: $28,426,747 (Worldwide: $141,702,264)

(This is a little closer to not being worth it, but probably still profitable. Still, the trajectory suggests a severe budget cut would be needed to make a third, plus I don’t think Murray was game at that point, this was only the second sequel he had ever done after all.)

#49 for the CGI Star genre

(This hits right before things really took off. I was actually pretty impressed with the CGI of Garfield in the previews I watched, which was surprising. Marmaduke was, as a more recent example, an actual dog which was just modified via CGI.)

#31 for the Family – Talking Animal (Live action) genre

(Marmaduke is number 29 on this list, so it hits right there as one would expect. I have a feeling I will still like this more than Marmaduke, although I guess both buy in heavily to the Cartoon Fish out of Water.)

#27 for the TV Cartoon (Live Action) genre

(While the original was a little ahead of the peak for the genre, this guy hit right before I really got saturated. The weirdest film we’ve seen on this list I think is Aeon Flux.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (8/74): Strictly for (very) little kids, A Tale of Two Kitties features skilled voice actors but a plot that holds little interest.

(Oooooof. Very little kids. I guess the original seemed like it was just for kids as well so … makes sense? Reviewer Highlight: The best thing that can be said about Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties is that the movie isn’t quite as bad as its name. – Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle)

Poster – Talking Animals 2: Destination: London (C+)

(Both the first and second film seem to buy into the mostly white, very simplistic style that I generally don’t like. Still love the font and nice symmetry. But overall just meh.)

Tagline(s) – Too much of a good thing is even better. (C-)

(Technically there isn’t a tagline on the poster, but I liked this extra one enough to include it. It’s just such a weird play on a common phrase. So innocuous and not connected to the film in any way. As generic of a sequel tagline as you could make.)

Keyword(s) – cat; Top Ten by BMeTric: 94.7 Catwoman (2004); 92.4 Date Movie (2006); 88.9 Vampires Suck (2010); 86.2 The Cat in the Hat (2003); 84.4 Movie 43 (2013); 82.5 Inspector Gadget (1999); 82.5 Home Alone 3 (1997); 81.8 I Know Who Killed Me (2007); 80.4 One Missed Call (2008); 78.4 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000);

(Date Movie doesn’t reeeeeally seem like a cat film, which is too bad. The keywords from IMDb really are the worst.)

Notes – Garfield is one of two characters who have been portrayed by both Bill Murray and the late Lorenzo Music. The other is Dr. Peter Venkman of the “Ghostbusters” series. (It is kind of silly they didn’t just get a voice actor to to this … why do you need a big name to voice Garfield again? Considering they already had a very distinctive voice for Garfield, just get somehow who can to a passable job.)

Billy Connolly admitted in an interview that when he was offered the role of Lord Dargis in this sequel, he wasn’t aware that the first Garfield (2004) movie existed. (ha)

Castle Carlyle is really Castle Howard in North Yorkshire. Brideshead Revisited (1981) was filmed at the same castle. (Yiiiiis, these are the fun facts I come for)

Along with Ghostbusters II, this is only the second sequel of one of his movies, Bill Murray has appeared in. (WHY)

Tim Curry the voice of Prince and Bill Murray the voice of Garfield were both originally considered to star in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) as Eddie Valiant and Judge Doom. But they both got replaced by Bob Hoskins and Christopher Lloyd. (Good choice. What a classic)

Roger Ebert’s review of this movie was written in first person as Garfield. (Alright … oh wow it is a horror show)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel or Sequel (2007)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (2007)

Garfield Preview

Garfield (2004) – BMeTric: 66.2

(Nothing super interesting. Kind of fun seeing a film that goes all the way right back to when the internet archive started. Was very stable for about a decade, but has started regressing up towards the mean a bit. A 5.0 is absurdly low though.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Murray is an ideal voice for the world’s laziest (and hungriest) cat in this innocuous, uninspired comedy combining computer-generate animation and live action. Meye is Garfield’s hapless owner, who tries to woo attractive veterinarian Hewitt by adopting Odie, a homeless mutt, which spurs Garfield into defensive action. Based on Jim Davis’ comic strip and animated TV series. Followed by a sequel.

(Innocuous is the worst thing you’d want to hear with something like this I think. Translation is it is merely boring and not worth anyone’s time. Even the review is kind of boring.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV5y4yTDtBI

(Everything but the dancing seems fine to me. The dancing … well it is something people do. They straight Marmaduked it and there isn’t much we can do about it now is there?)

Directors – Peter Hewitt – (Known For: Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; The Borrowers; Thunderpants; Whatever Happened to Harold Smith?; Future BMT: Zoom; Tom and Huck; BMT: Garfield; Notes: Not that old, it is pretty plausible the one-two punch of Zoom and Garfield killed his career. British, born in Brighton.)

Writers – Jim Davis (comic strip “Garfield”) – (BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Notes: His life is mostly identical to Jon Arbuckle, who also grew up on a farm in Indiana and was a cartoonist, although Davis has been married a few times. Also wrote the strip U.S. Acres, which was part of the Garfield & Friends brand.)

Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow (written by) – (Known For: Toy Story; Future BMT: Daddy Day Camp; Evan Almighty; Money Talks; Goodbye Lover; BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar as part of the team that wrote Toy Story. They jointly directed a Monster Mash film in 1995 which looks … not super great.)

Actors – Breckin Meyer – (Known For: Clueless; The Craft; Road Trip; Can’t Hardly Wait; Rat Race; The Insider; Escape from L.A.; Go; Herbie Fully Loaded; Josie and the Pussycats; Kate & Leopold; Prefontaine; Dancer, Texas Pop. 81; Blue State; Future BMT: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; Rebound; 54; Caffeine; Touch; Tail Lights Fade; BMT: Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; Pinocchio; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor for Pinocchio in 2003; Notes: Went to grade school with Drew Barrymore who introduced him to his first agent. At one point I knew him as that guy who had basically back-to-back one-and-done television series, Inside Schwartz, and Married to the Kellys.)

Jennifer Love Hewitt – (Known For: Tropic Thunder; Can’t Hardly Wait; Heartbreakers; Future BMT: Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit; Delgo; The Suburbans; The Truth About Love; House Arrest; Jewtopia; Telling You; BMT: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer; Garfield; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; The Tuxedo; I Know What You Did Last Summer; Notes: Possibly most famous for Party of Five. She is in the new show 9-1-1.)

Stephen Tobolowsky – (Known For: Memento; Basic Instinct; Spaceballs; Mississippi Burning; Freaky Friday; Groundhog Day; Thelma & Louise; Robots; Buried; Sneakers; Adaptation.; The Insider; Single White Female; Mr. Peabody & Sherman; Great Balls of Fire!; Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!; Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco; Murder in the First; Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael; The Grifters; Future BMT: Mr. Magoo; View from the Top; Little Black Book; The Glimmer Man; National Security; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; My Father the Hero; Black Dog; Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde; Bird on a Wire; You May Not Kiss the Bride; Memoirs of an Invisible Man; Calendar Girl; Peep World; Blind Dating; Funny About Love; Romeo Is Bleeding; Radioland Murders; The Pickle; Josh and S.A.M.; BMT: Freddy Got Fingered; Garfield; Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous; The Country Bears; Failure to Launch; Wild Hogs; Atlas Shrugged: Part III; Notes: Very prolific character actor, Ned from Groundhog Day. Had a very long running podcast, The Tobolowsky Files, although it looks like it may have ended last year.)

Budget/Gross – $50 million / Domestic: $75,369,589 (Worldwide: $200,804,534)

(Giant success I would say. For $50 million you might have wanted to break $100 on the home front, but certainly a good reason to make a sequel one would think.)

#40 for the CGI Star genre

(Cutting edge! This plot just goes up and up … until it just becomes every film I guess. Highest BMT is Transformers: Age of Extinction and lowest is Transformers: The Last Knight … lots of Transformers I guess. Rocky and Bullwinkle will be fun.)

#20 for the Family – Talking Animal (Live action) genre

(Right in the middle of the talking animal live action family film boom it looks like. Highest grossing BMT is Zookeeper, although that will be trounced by Alvin and the Chipmunks at some point. Hot to Trot is very low naturally, back in the day when they did talking animal films the right way (shakes fist))

#19 for the TV Cartoon (Live Action) genre

(Right before a big boom in the mid 2000s (the Transformers franchise I guess). BRATZ and Dudley Do-Right back-to-back as our lowest BMT examples is fantastic. Although only BRATZ is really worth watching in any capacity.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (20/137): When the novelty of the CGI Garfield wears off, what’s left is a simplistic kiddie movie.

(I guess in our case it will be the morbid fascination with 2004 fully CGI characters … Reviewer Highlight – There’s nothing to recommend about this film except its sheer innocuousness. – Desson Thomsom, Washington Post (uh oh…))

Poster – This Cat is Morbidly Obese, Call Social Services (B-)

(I like the furriness and realism of Garfield and the unique font. Otherwise though this falls into the very bare-bones, mostly white posters that I generally dislike.)

Tagline(s) – Get ready for frisky business (D)

(No thanks. That is a crazy tagline with no real tangible connection to this film and should have been immediately thrown in the trash.)

(These are real deal cat films. I wonder if we will ever watch Home Alone 3. That is probably one of the most surprising “this actually genuinely qualifies, it was released to thousands of theaters” films we’ve never seen.)

Notes – Bill Murray named this film as one of his regrets in Zombieland (2009).

Bill Murray has said during interviews that he hates that he didn’t think to have Garfield say his famous Ghostbusters (1984) line “Dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!” (in the scenes of Odie being introduced to the house) until after all post-production had been completed, and it was too late to add it. (Decent point)

Jim Carrey turned down the role of Jon Arbuckle. (A tad bit too famous at the time I think, he ended up doing Mr. Popper’s Penguins seven years later)

In an interview, Bill Murray stated that he originally thought the script was written by Joel Coen. It wasn’t until the recording process, and watching dailies, that he realized that it was written by Joel Cohen, not the same person, of whom he was thinking. (Imagining a Garfield film written by Joel Coen is … an interesting idea)

Bill Murray and Lorenzo Music have both played Garfield and Dr Peter Venkman. Murray plays Garfield in this film and Dr Venkman in the Ghostbusters films, and Music voiced Garfield in Garfield and Friends (1988) and Dr. Venkman in The Real Ghost Busters (1986). (Yes, unfortunately Music died in 2001 otherwise I do imagine he’s be the voice in the film)

Joe Towne who plays a technician in the film (as Ariel Joseph Towne) was hired during production as the on-set voice of Garfield. (Oooooo fun fact)

In the film, Jon adopts Odie from his vet Liz’s animal hospital. In the comic strip, Odie was originally the pet of Jon’s friend Lyman. (Wow, some deep Garfield knowledge)

In the film, Nermal is a Siamese cat who lives on the cul-de-sac. In the comic strip, Nermal is a grey tabby kitten who originally belonged to Jon’s parents. (This is some great shit right here)

The license plate on Liz’s pickup is “Pet Doc”.

Jim Davis: Garfield’s creator has a cameo as the train conductor who makes the “all aboard” announcement. (Ugh)