Tag: cycle: 2023

Fear (2023) Preview

Jamie and Patrick look around them. They are no longer in the Antiquities Room. They don’t appear to be in a room at all. Instead it seems they’ve been transported to a dark, mysterious labyrinth. Screams of terror and pain (or is it pleasure?) surround them. They look forwards and then back, but the maze looks identical no matter where they look. “Should we just start…” Jamie begins but stops. A figure has appeared in front of them. They nervously turn back the other direction and… uh oh, another figure has appeared there as well. Jamie squits and after a moment of recognition his face turns bright. “Demon #1, my love, how are you?” he says to the first demon, who appears to be a nerdy lawyer he could grow old with. “And Demon #2, my darling, still having trouble with the truth?” he says, turning to the second demon, who is a sultry minx that Jamie could love, even though he knows she’d be bad for him. “Your hunky, muscle-bound guys have return,” he finishes with a debonair flourish. The demons appear to be taken aback. It looks like they want to says something to Jamie, but it’s hard to tell if they can talk. What would happen if they opened their mouths? Patrick doesn’t want to find out. They approach and Patrick readies a patented Twin Chop, but instead of sucking them into an otherworldly dimension they each grab one of Jamie’s arms and begin to coo in a loving and very disturbing way. They begin to pull Jamie through a side entrance in the maze (“Was that there the whole time?”, Jamie wonders). “They want us to go this way,” Jamie calls over his shoulder cheerily. Despite his intense fear, Patrick quickly follows the trio. That’s right! We are indeed watching Fear, a long delayed horror film made in the pandemic. By all accounts this delay made for a strange and very bad film. It’s a wonder they took it wide the theaters at all. Why not just dump it somewhere? Time to find out. Let’s go!

Fear (2023) – BMeTric: 26.0; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.8%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.3%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Best. Christmas. Ever!, White Men Can’t Jump, Maybe I Do, Retribution, Hypnotic, In the Fire, House Party, Fool’s Paradise, Heart of Stone, and 22 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, Vacation Friends 2, White Men Can’t Jump, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Insidious: The Red Door, Pain Hustlers, Love Again, Genie, and 11 more; Lower RT: Confidential Informant, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac; Notes: This movie is quite perplexing. In reality we should have done Five Nights at Freddy’s though. Bigger deal, and an actual horror film. We’ll get that back though.

Richard Roeper – 3 stars –  It’s the perfect storm for the group to start turning on one another, even as the supernatural elements boil and bubble to the surface, and the blood starts to spill. Way to pick a vacation destination, Rom. What, the Overlook Hotel was booked?

(Amazing. He actually mostly says that the film revels in its unoriginality and he kind of respects it for that. Ridiculous as that might sound.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2znvShl2GM/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2znvShl2GM/

(Yeah … this looks horrible. They shouldn’t have shown the terrible death effect. Because it looks dumb and they should have hidden that from the audience for as long as possible.)

Directors – Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Black and Blue; Fatale; Chain Letter; Supremacy; Dead Tone; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: The Intruder; Fear; Notes: Has a few upcoming projects including one called All-Star Weekend which has the description of “Two buddies form a rivalry over their favorite American basketball player,” which sounds ludicrous.)

Writers – John Ferry – (BMT: Fear;  Notes: Basically he appears to be a production assistant for at first Trank (on Chronicle) and now Taylor, and this is the first film he got a credit for writing with him.)

Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: Fear; Notes: Writes a lot of the films he directs. Also produces them as well, so he is kind of a younger Tyler Perry in a way.)

Actors – Joseph Sikora – ( Known For: Shutter Island; Jack Reacher; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Ghost World; Charlie Wilson’s War; Safe; Trust; Night Skies; BMT: The Watcher; The Intruder; Fear; Notes: He’s older than I would have thought, 47 years old. To the point where he had a whole other acting life as a bit part acting in major films. He was in over 60 episodes of a tv show called Power recently, and does a lot of television.)

Andrew Bachelor – ( Known For: Greenland; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; The Babysitter; Holidate; When We First Met; The Babysitter: Killer Queen; Game Over, Man!; Vacation Friends; Rim of the World; Coffee & Kareem; The F**k-It List; Airplane Mode; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Where’s the Money; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; National Champions; Family Switch; Future BMT: We Are Your Friends; Meet the Blacks; BMT: Fifty Shades of Black; Fear; Notes: Known as King Bach apparently. Was a world class high jumper in college, and also holds (and will forever hold) the record for most followers on Vine at 15 million which is how his career started.)

Annie Ilonzeh – ( Known For: Percy Jackson: Şimşek Hırsızı; Erkekler Ne Söyler Kadınlar Ne Anlar; Agent Game; Til Death Do Us Part; Future BMT: İntikam Meleği; All Eyez on Me; BMT: Miss March; Fear; Notes: Primarily she was a decently long running actor on Chicago Fire appearing in 42 episodes of that show.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $2,090,261 (Worldwide: $2,090,261)

(Yeah quite terrible. My guess is the movie cost around $5 million to make. I don’t think it is possible to really make even a low budget horror fit for wide release for less. Just the cameras and salaries probably get over the $1 million you’d need to have this be profitable.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (4/19)

(I can’t believe this has this high of a rating. If I were to make a consensus it would be: Lazy in its metaphors for the pandemic, lazy in its oscillation between various horror sub-genres, and lazy in its concept. Yet the biggest crime is it isn’t scary.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is frustrating to watch Fear carelessly oscillate between creature feature, haunted house movie, and folk horror. – Matthew Monagle, Austin Chronicle

Poster – Fear Leads to Anger

(Ha. I mean it looks cool. But I don’t understand the question mark. Is the film called “Fear?” I didn’t think so. Like the yellow but neads better font. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Your Mind is the Trap (C+)

(I guess this is intriguing. Like… the horror film where your mind is used against you. You think a murderer is trapping you but you are trapping yourself. Again, it’s a cool concept, like the post is cool looking, but it doesn’t work completely.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.2 House Party (2023), 41.9 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.6 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 36.7 Paint (2023), 31.3 The Machine (2023), 28.0 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.2 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.7 Freelance (2023), 14.3 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 8.4 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.1 Sweetwater (2023), 6.0 Back on the Strip (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (Horror): 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 26.4 Fear (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023)

(Do not fear (get it?) we will be watching The Exorcist: Believer. And also do not fear (get it?) we’ll NEVER watch Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. Ever. I refuse.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Joseph Sikora is No. 1 billed in Fear and No. 2 billed in The Intruder, which also stars Meagan Good (No. 3 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (3 + 5) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 21. If we were to watch Underworld: Awakening we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Terrance Jenkins was the host of 106 and Park and his hotel room was 106

Hypnotic Recap

Jamie

What a journey with our boy Hypnotic. You would think a wide release Robert Rodriguez film starring Ben Affleck released in May would be available on every corner for our BMT pleasure. Wrong. Even seven months later the film was not out on DVD. What a crock! This is not total cinema. This isn’t even partial cinema! What are you up to, Robert Rodriguez? But ultimately you can tell what he was up to just by looking at the credits of the film. This was a Rodriguez family affair, much like the Patriots are now a Belichick family affair. I’m not sure he much cared where this film was available. Does the film exist? Was his family employed in its making? Yes? Well then, mission accomplished.

To recap, Ben Affleck is a police officer (or is he?) recovering from the kidnapping of his daughter (or is he?) who is back on the job (or is he?) tracking an impending robbery of a bank safe deposit box (or is… enough of that). At the robbery he gets the feeling he knows that something’s off and gets to the box and finds a message “Find Lev Dellrayne.” A man, Dellrayne himself, was the orchestrator of the robbery and tries killing Ben before making an escape. The tip for the robbery came from a hypnotist that Ben teams up with. He finds out about a secret group of hypnotics who can make you believe things are happening for their own devices. They end up going on the run when Dellrayne, the most powerful hypnotic in the world, turns both friends and foes against them. There is some MacGuffin that they want, but really they want to find answers and that comes in the form of a hacker named River. That’s because once Ben is seeing all the info that River uncovers he has an epiphany… none of anything in the film is real. It’s all hypnotic bullshit (what a twist). Turns out his daughter was the progeny of him (also a powerful hypnotic) and the hypnotic he teamed up with. When the government wanted to start using her as a weapon, Ben hid her away and erased his memory. He’s been in a never ending cycle of hypnosis as they try to figure out what “Find Lev Dellrayne” means. But Ben is able to break the cycle this time and heads out to a ranch where his daughter has come of age and has full control of her powers. Teamed back up with his wife and daughter they defeat the agency and escape (or do they? (They don’t, but it doesn’t matter cause there won’t be a sequel (or will there be? (there won’t)))). THE END.

This is as close as we’re going to get to M. Night Shyamalan Presents: Twist: The Movie. Right from the opening, where a therapist methodically taps her pencil against a pad of paper, you can’t help but think, “None of this is real.” So then, when other events, characters, objects enter the swirling orbit of the amorphous (and terrible looking) film, you just sigh. “I get it, speed it up,” was my thought every 5-10 minutes. It’s not at all surprising that Rodriguez talks candidly about how his children did VFX, music, editing, etc. on the film. Certainly looks and sounds that way. I don’t blame him, really. Making a movie seems pretty darn hard and making it with your family would probably make it more enjoyable, but the product will probably suffer (and it did). So all this led to the greatest crime a BMT film can commit. By the time Jeff Fahey showed up on screen I was so over the film that I didn’t even look to see if there was a motorcycle for him to have sex on or a lawnmower for him to push. Booooooooo.

Hot Take Clam Bake! In a post credit stinger we see that William Fitchner hasn’t died, but rather tricked people into killing Jeff Fahey instead. This promises a sequel, right? Wrong! Jeff Fahey didn’t die (you idiots). He’s actually the main character and the titular Hypnotic (you dopes). You didn’t get that? (What dummies). Jeff Fahey? International superstar? Didn’t you see “Ben Affleck” riding a motorcycle in the film. Didn’t that strike you as odd given Jeff Fahey’s history with motorcycles? (Stupid idiots) What’s hypnosis but a mental form of virtual reality. They claimed that they went Beyond Cyberspace for Lawnmower Man 2 but they were wrong. THIS is Lawnmower Man 2 (fucking dumb dumbs). Obviously, Jobe’s War?… get it?… Dellrayne is Jobe. Jobe is Dellrayne. (you dumb idiot stupidheads). Hot Take Temperature: Woman of Desire.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about too-jacked Ben Affleck looking like a triangle and making low-rent Inception? Let’s go!

Oh boy is this movie a mess.

Affleck seems completely checked out, which is almost certainly because this was a random movie he did to keep himself in the mix as a headliner while he was (presumably) directing and acting in Air, a far more financially worthwhile film.

The concept of the film is interesting for about five seconds before they botch it. Kind of cool: a villain who hypnotizes people to make them commit crimes for him. It is almost a Batman villain (wait, Batman? Affleck? Talk to me people!).

Not cool: a secret society of hypnotists who can actually create elaborate inception like worlds and convince people that they aren’t who they think they are because two of the hypnotists had a baby who is a super hypnotist who can like … kill the world or something?

But this movie did deliver one thing that make me forgive everything: Jeff Fahey. Let the Fahey-ssaince begin!!

For real though. Parts of this film look kind of cool. Parts of it are interesting. But mostly it is a whole lotta nothing produced by a director who is quickly being known for producing a whole lotta nothing.

And that director also has officially made his productions a family affair and that experiment is so far off to a rocky start.

The only surprised about this film was that it was released to enough theaters to qualify. Bizarre.

You would think there would be more product placement for a film like this, but I just looked it up and there is surprisingly little and nothing really of note. I do like a true blue MacGuffin (Why?) involving the search for the secret daughter. And the obvious Worst Twist (How?) where the entire film is (obviously) a hypnosis, because why the hell not. This movie is complete trash, Bad through and through.

Oh boy, you best believe I’m completely undoing this movie with the classic sequel opening twist. Patent pending. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Hypnotic Quiz

Oh man, so get this. Turns out my entire life was actually me being hypnotized. Also turns out this level of hypnotism is basically just the equivalent to getting kicked in the head a bunch. So yeah, I have a massive concussion and can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Hypnotic?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We open with our hero in his therapist’s office. Why is he there?

2) Well, they are off to a bank robbery. How does the robbery go down?

3) How mysterious. Pray tell how did they hear about this robbery?

4) Yada yada yada what is this all really, like what is the actual deal with Affleck and his daughter and junk?

5) But … why do the hypnotists want Affleck’s daughter so much? Why is she important?

Bonus Question: I guess we know the sequel set up, Fichtner is going to come and yet them … right?

Answers

Hypnotic Preview

Jamie and Patrick shield their eyes as they get off the airplane. It’s hot on the tarmac under the Tuscan sun. It’s been ages since their mother moved to Tuscany to take over the family’s failing olive oil business and things appear to have turned around. “Things have turned around,” their mother’s valet confirms and takes their bags to a waiting stretch hummer. “All this from olive oil?” Jamie whispers as they turn a corner and espy the family’s newly restored Tuscan manor. Patrick is skeptical… and increasingly concerned. For several minutes they wait in the foyer and both look with a smile as the door at the top of the stairs opens up. But rather than their mother they find themselves staring at Luigi, the company’s former manager. “What are you doing here?” Patrick asks in disgust. Everyone knew that Luigi’s corruption was what got the company into dire straits in the first place. A brief grimace crosses Luigi’s face before being replaced by a smile. “I guess you were too busy with your bald movie thing to hear that your mother hired me back when she realized that she needed someone around who knew olive oil.” Jamie turns beet red and gets right up into Luigi’s face. “You know it’s BAD movies, not BALD movies. We’re not idiots. You’re an idiot.” Luigi smiles and nods in acquiescence. “Your mother will be back shortly,” Luigi assures them and shuttles them into an adjacent room. “Why don’t you preoccupy yourself with the Antiquities Room while you wait,” and with that he leaves. Patrick looks around at the treasures that surround them. “We shouldn’t touch anything until we…” he begins, but when he looks over at Jamie he is staring intently at a Puzzle Box. Suddenly Patrick feels very tired. That’s right! We are watching the Ben Affleck classic Hypnotic… you know, the film that everyone knew about. Definitely totally normal that this film never got a DVD release… don’t even worry about it. Let’s go!

Hypnotic (2023) – BMeTric: 45.0; Notability: 19

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.6%; Notability: top 8.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.2%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, 65, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, White Men Can’t Jump, Maybe I Do, Retribution; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Meg 2: The Trench, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, Foe, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Pain Hustlers, Dashing Through the Snow, Insidious: The Red Door, Love Again, Genie; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Good Mother, The Exorcist: Believer, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, Foe, God Is a Bullet, Finestkind, Ghosted, White Men Can’t Jump, Love Again, Meg 2: The Trench, and 12 more; Notes: Given how much money Five Nights at Freddy’s made I’m shocked that it would have a relatively high BMeTric. Like I get it is popular, but shouldn’t the fans who seem to like it a lot and “get it” be driving the rating up? The movies we are getting this time around have such low Notability. Maybe it is a pandemic thing. A way to reduce the number of people on set at any given time. Plausible.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – There’s a lot of empty space in “Hypnotic,” a doofy, though never boring sci-fi thriller about a Texas cop, played by Ben Affleck, who stumbles upon a conspiracy of mind-controlling crooks. Or he seems to stumble upon them. Reality buckles and warps around our troubled hero, whose daughter has already gone missing before the movie starts.

(And oh yeah, spoiler alert, all that is bullshit and he is himself a mind controlling crook and the entire movie is just twist after twist until you realize that there is basically no moment of the film in which you are watching the 100% god’s honest truth. Great.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAwpu4rQpeQ/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAwpu4rQpeQ/

(The reviews pretty much call it a poor man’s Inception which is exactly what it looks like. The effects looks okay. Fichtner on the other hand…)

Directors – Robert Rodriguez – ( Known For: Sin City; From Dusk Till Dawn; Alita: Battle Angel; Grindhouse; The Faculty; Spy Kids; Desperado; Planet Terror; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; Machete; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Spy Kids: Armageddon; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Four Rooms; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; We Can Be Heroes; Mimic; El Mariachi; Shorts; Red 11; Future BMT: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: Wow, our first official Rodriquez, although he have very few surprisingly. I have actually seen Machete Kills though, it is awful.)

Writers – Robert Rodriguez – ( Known For: Sin City; Grindhouse; Spy Kids; Desperado; Planet Terror; Machete; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Spy Kids: Armageddon; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Four Rooms; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; We Can Be Heroes; El Mariachi; Shorts; Red 11; Future BMT: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D; UglyDolls; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: Long time friend of Quentin Tarantino as they both broke into the business with low budget indies around the same time. This film has one son as producer, and another composed the music, they are becoming family affairs.)

Max Borenstein – ( Known For: Kong: Skull Island; Godzilla; Godzilla vs. Kong; Godzilla: King of the Monsters; Worth; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: He wrote and created the Laker show which was just unceremoniously dumped by HBO a few months ago without resolution.)

Actors – Ben Affleck – ( Known For: The Flash; The Last Duel; Gone Girl; Dazed and Confused; Triple Frontier; Good Will Hunting; Air; Deep Water; The Accountant; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Town; Argo; Dogma; Field of Dreams; State of Play; Shakespeare in Love; He’s Just Not That Into You; Daredevil; School Ties; The Sum of All Fears; Future BMT: Surviving Christmas; Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Smokin’ Aces; Live by Night; 200 Cigarettes; BMT: Hypnotic; Suicide Squad; Armageddon; Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Pearl Harbor; Reindeer Games; Paycheck; Gigli; Phantoms; Runner Runner; Notes: He’s had a bit of a renaissance after going through marital, alcohol-related, and being-too-jacked troubles over the past decade. Has a famously bad tattoo, and was shaped like a triangle in Air and looked ridiculous. I’m happy to report he looks like a normally proportioned human being in this film. It is nuts what being Batman can do to a man.)

Alice Braga – ( Known For: The Suicide Squad; City of God; Soul; I Am Legend; Predators; Elysium; On the Road; Blindness; Crossing Over; The Duel; Lower City; Redbelt; Kill Me Three Times; Journey to the End of the Night; O Cheiro do Ralo; Sólo Dios sabe; City of God: 10 Years Later; Ardor; Latitudes; Future BMT: The New Mutants; The Shack; BMT: Hypnotic; The Rite; Repo Men; Notes: Her mother and aunt were in Kiss of the Spider Woman and she was a kid actress via them before braking out herself.)

JD Pardo – ( Known For: F9: The Fast Saga; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Contractor; Snitch; Havoc; The Burning Plain; Future BMT: A Cinderella Story; BMT: Hypnotic; Supercross; Notes: Played Dom Toretto’s father in flashbacks in F9. I have not seen the later Fast and Furious films. I can’t bring myself to do it.)

Budget/Gross – $65 million / Domestic: $4,500,169 (Worldwide: $15,697,752)

(I don’t believe that budget. I just don’t. There is nothing in this film which suggests it needs to or did cost this much. That is absurd.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (36/113): Although Hypnotic isn’t without glimmers of inspiration, the ultimate effect of this often clunky crime caper will be to leave you feeling rather sleepy.

(Yes, I 100% agree with this. The issue is that there are interesting bits and bobs, but you know you are watching bullshit and it makes you sleepy. Nailed it.)

Reviewer Highlight: The reality is that, not unlike an Escher painting, the damn thing keeps tying itself into knots. This isn’t the mesmerizing neuro-noir you want it to be. It’s closer to Inception for Dummies. – David Fear, Rolling Stone

Poster – HypNoTic

(Nolan-ing it up, are we, Rodriguez? Kind of bland. Hate the font. Unexpected D grade poster.)

Tagline(s) – Control is an illusion. (D)

(Ah well, they tried. Not clever, not interesting, not even sure it makes a huge amount of sense in context.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.2 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023), 12.4 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023)

Best Options (Action): 44.8 Hypnotic (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023)

(Freelance came out of nowhere. I hadn’t even heard of it. I’m a little skeptical it actually qualified. But I guess Box Office Mojo doesn’t just make up wide release films (quite the opposite actually))

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 8) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ben Affleck is No. 1 billed in Hypnotic and No. 1 billed in Pearl Harbor, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 8. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Rodriguez had written the initial screenplay for Hypnotic back in 2002, calling it one of his favorite stories.

The joke that the security guard tells his partner, about the man betting a bartender he can pee in a glass, is also featured in Robert Rodriguez’s earlier film ‘Desperado’ in which it was delivered by Quentin Tarantino.

In April 2022, Rodriguez confirmed that, similar to his previous films, he and his family members collaborated on the project. His son Rebel Rodriguez (full-time composer), Racer Max (co-writer/producer), Sid Rodriguez (special effects technician) daughter Rhiannon (storyboards) and his other son (Rocket) is doing the editing with Rodriguez.

Originally scheduled to be filmed in Los Angeles and throughout California in 2020, all locations were scouted and sets were built at Santa Clarita Studios when the Covid shutdown halted production and did not resume until the following year in Texas.

The first film directed by Robert Rodriguez to be primarily filmed in the anamorphic format. He previously used the format on The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett.

Mafia Mamma Recap

Jamie

Mamma Mia! That’s not this. It’s Mafia Mamma! Mamma Mia! Enough of that. This might turn out to be the year of the comedy comeback. Or maybe more accurately the year of the BMT comedy comeback. It seems like we had minor comedies out the wazoo being released to >2000 theaters. We just did About my Father. We have a couple other (potential) entries later this year. Where were the bad horror films? Where were the star-studded comedy flops? Everything seems so quaint and filled with fresh faces ready to be fallen on or old faces… uh… also ready to be fallen on. It’s going to make for a wild ride down the home stretch. Mamma Mia indeed.

To recap, everything is going wrong in Kristin’s life. She just sent her only child off to college and has simultaneously found out her loser husband has been cheating on her. So a call from Italy requesting her attendance at the funeral of her grandfather couldn’t come at a better time. Under the guise of a work trip she heads off with a express mission to eat, pray, fuck. She immediately runs into the man of her dreams, but is distracted when she finds herself under fire at the funeral. It’s soon revealed that her grandfather was a mafia don and she just inherited the family. Gulp. Members of the family are concerned and try to just get her to agree to a truce. The rival family, though, aims to kill her and ultimately through luck Kristin ends up killing the head of that family instead. Double gulp! She starts seeing the man she met, Lorenzo, as she tries to turn the business legit. The other family won’t quit, though, and soon she has killed another assassin and ended up getting fired from her job. With that she throws herself fully into the family business and soon has it humming with a mix of legal business and illegal (but moral) business. Soon her husband and son show up being like “WTF, mate? Put some more shrimp on the barbie,” and she decides to retire and return home. In the process of retiring, the police bust in to arrest everyone. Turns out Lorenzo was an undercover officer! Oh no! She goes to trial, but is found innocent and survives one last assassination attempt. With the confidence of her family she takes over as don to (presumably) continue to turn it into a legal enterprise. THE END.

One of my favorite podcasts reviewed this film and (mostly) liked it. There appeared to be a bit of celebration that a traditional rom com came out into theaters. I agree in that sense. We have a really charming and good actress in Toni Collette helming a goofy romantic film. That’s good. The film? Not that good. She’s great, but several of the supporting actors are pretty irritating (particularly Fabrizio). It’s also unusually gruesome (which some could see as a positive, but I didn’t understand the point of), actively offensive against Italians, and interminably long. The point is that I liked About my Father quite a bit more.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I was feeling the sparks between Toni Colette and numerous characters in the film… just not the ones she was paired with. Monica Bellucci and her were rolling all up in some beds together. But that would be counterintuitively a cold take, because their chemistry was so apparent it would be played out to pair them up. No, I’m thinking her and her bodyguard Aldo are gonna get it on. She’s helped him out with his mother’s hard to find medicine and soon he’s guarding more than just her body. Or… wait… he’s doing more than just guarding her body… whatever. Hot Take Temperature: Tuscan Sun.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about taking an Italian vacation and calling it a movie? But like … forgetting to write jokes and stuff? Let’s go!

Absolute peak “none of this is funny but everyone seems to be having fun which is itself maybe okay” film.

Because Toni Collette seems like she is having a blast here with Catherine Hardwicke.

Oh yeah, robot leg. Add this to the Robot Leg / Arm series along with I Know Who Killed me because Monica Bellucci definitely had a full on robot leg. They try to be like “This? This ain’t a regular human leg … uh, it is just like the most fancy prosthetic you’ve ever seen. Yeah, that’s it!” Which definitely means it is a robot leg.

The film is obviously quite scattershot. Isn’t that how bad comedies operate these days. A bunch of random encounters and situations, a bunch of improv, and then hope enough of it comes out in the wash to form a movie.

But did it form a movie? Like … did it?

The storyline is just Suburban Mamma goes to Italy and becomes Mafia Mamma, survives a few assassination attempts, survives going on trial in Italy (famous for their incredibly not-corrupt trial system …), and then makes a pharmaceutical / mafia empire the end.

The only thing that kind of worked for me was the constant references to The Godfather and how perplexed everyone is that our Mafia Mamma has never seen it (she just can’t carve out three hours, c’mon! I can relate).

I’ll leave it there. Kind of fun film that is almost entirely worthless. Even if it was good it would be mostly worthless.

I’m going to make up a new category of Disgruntled Number Two (Who?) for this film because I feel like they needed that trope for this film to function. Wait a second, Restylane, the pharmaceutical they specifically run an ad for is real and is Product Placement (What?) … huh. Obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for Italy. And why not, a Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that our Mafia Mamma is good at her job. This movie is probably closest to Good although I personally didn’t like it much.

Oh god do I actually have to make a sequel to this film? Fine. Read about it in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Mafia Mamma Preview

Moments later Jamie and Patrick leave the family ski chalet. Clifford bids them adieu and despite his stuffy demeanor he gives both of them a warm hug. “Be good,” he tells them and reminds them of what their father said before he hopped in his helicopter. Before they can get back in their car and head to the airport Clifford stops them and insists that they take the second helicopter.

A short time later they are back in New York City, their cable knit sweaters itching like a couple of old friends. “I feel inspired,” Patrick says, contemplating the next entry in the Platonics Solids series (book #3). “Me too,” Jamie says, contemplating the next entry in his series of rock hard abs (ab #7 and #8). “Me three,” Kyle says, contemplating the final entry on Sexy Mannequin Times (entry #1,706). “You guys are coming back, right?” Kyle asks. Ever since Jamie and Patrick returned to the city he had assumed from their sunny demeanor that BMT was back on and the status quo would be restored. They give each other a look and say “Welllll…” in unison. You see, they explain to Kyle, while they were in their memory trance they had a full conversation with their father. They explained how they tried to be good movie twins, but then tried to be Good Movie Twins, then they accepted that they were bad movie twins, apologized for that, and needed his help to know if they should go back to being Bad Movie Twins. “And in the end he bestowed on us some very wise words,” Jamie concludes. Kyle is entranced, “What was it? What were the very wise words?!” Jamie shrugs and smiles, “He said to ask our mother,” and with that they departed for the airport. That’s right! We are going from About my Father to Mafia Mamma. It’s another old school comedy helmed by Toni Collette. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of it… we barely knew what it was either. Let’s go!

Mafia Mamma (2023) – BMeTric: 36.9; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.8%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Knights of the Zodiac, 65, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Maybe I Do, Retribution, Hypnotic, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Heart of Stone, Fool’s Paradise, Beautiful Disaster, Your Place or Mine, Locked In, Ghosted, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Foe, Meg 2: The Trench, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Pain Hustlers, Dashing Through the Snow, Insidious: The Red Door, One True Loves, Love Again, Genie, and 10 more; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac; Notes: Huh, the BMeTric bit was broken for a bit there, but it is back. Most of those films, naturally, are not wide release. Which is an annoying trend. The Notability is shockingly low, but that also feels like an M.O. of modern filmmaking where everything feels empty and slight.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “Mafia Mamma” plays like nothing more than an excuse for Collette, Hardwicke, and company to vacation in Italy. But the audience isn’t even granted a trip worth remembering. Viewers searching for a virtual escape to Italy are better off sticking with Kristin’s beloved Stanley Tucci food show. At least that series aims for an authentic appreciation of the culture.

(I don’t mind just making a film for a location. But I do mind it being boring. And this film seems like a one way trip to boring town.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H5pIOz1cOM/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H5pIOz1cOM/

(Seems actually weirdly funny. But yeah, also seems like an excuse for Toni Collete to hang in Italy and get paid. Get yo money.)

Directors – Catherine Hardwicke – ( Known For: Twilight; Thirteen; Lords of Dogtown; Prisoner’s Daughter; SubUrbia; Miss You Already; Tell It Like a Woman; Plush; Future BMT: The Nativity Story; Miss Bala; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Red Riding Hood; Notes: An inspiring story, didn’t end up directing her first feature until she was 48 years old.)

Writers – Amanda Sthers – ( Known For: Madame; Promises; Holy Lands; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: French, and Madame also stars Toni Collete, so they have something going.)

J. Michael Feldman – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: Writes a lot of random episodes for television, like Not Dead Yet.)

Debbie Jhoon – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: I think her and Feldman might be writing partners.)

Actors – Toni Collette – ( Known For: Hereditary; Knives Out; The Sixth Sense; Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken; Nightmare Alley; Krampus; Little Miss Sunshine; I’m Thinking of Ending Things; About a Boy; The Hours; The Way Way Back; Fright Night; The Estate; Velvet Buzzsaw; xXx: Return of Xander Cage; Emma; Velvet Goldmine; Muriel’s Wedding; Mary and Max; Stowaway; Future BMT: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; The Night Listener; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Tammy; Evening; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for The Sixth Sense (I don’t remember that…). She is Australian which I also didn’t know.)

Monica Bellucci – ( Known For: Bram Stoker’s Dracula; Malena; Irreversible; Spectre; The Passion of the Christ; The Matrix Reloaded; Brotherhood of the Wolf; Shoot ‘Em Up; Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra; The Apartment; How Much Do You Love Me?; The Whistleblower; Under Suspicion; The Private Lives of Pippa Lee; Don’t Look Back; Spider in the Web; The Raffle; She Hate Me; Nekrotronic; The Man Who Sold His Skin; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; Tears of the Sun; The Brothers Grimm; The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; BMT: Memory; Mafia Mamma; Notes: Italian obviously. Was a model prior to making her acting debut. Was married to Vincent Cassel for quite a while.)

Sophia Nomvete – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: Very much most notable for Rings of Power. She was a fun character in that.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $3,496,761 (Worldwide: $6,120,609)

(A little unclear but there is no way this made money in reality. They couldn’t have made this for less than $10 million.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (22/104): Riddled with stereotypes, fatally unfunny, and a total tonal mishmash, Mafia Mamma is a criminal waste of Toni Collette.

(Fatally unfunny is a great lines and 100% true. Almost makes me more excited … what is wrong with me?)

Reviewer Highlight: “Mafia Mamma” is so wincingly awful it makes you question the professional bona fides of everyone who had a hand in greenlighting its existence. – Jeannette Catsoulis, The New York Times

Poster – Mob Mom

(I like the color and the font could have been boring, but they spiced it up. I guess it feels a little busy and stylistically simple. But not bad. B.)

Tagline(s) – From suburban mom to mafia Don. (A-)

(Yes, yes, yes. A bit of a half rhyme, but I’m still digging it. Tells you what’s going on with a little juxtaposition.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.2 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 44.8 Hypnotic (2023), 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023), 12.4 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023)

Best Options (Comedy): 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 36.9 Mafia Mamma (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023)

(Fool’s Paradise is coming I think, and so is My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3. So we’re hitting up all the big guys as far as Comedies this year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Monica Bellucci is No. 2 billed in Mafia Mamma and No. 5 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 21. If we were to watch The Night Listener, Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – In The Godfather (1975), oranges are displayed to foreshadow a death. It happens in this movie as well during the funeral procession and later on with “orange” muffins.

The time difference between Portland and Italy allows Kristin to be speaking with her son late afternoon while he is getting ready for his morning classes.

In the preview, Dante turns on one light, then another when Kirstin says “I’m still in the dark”. In the movie, this scene is cut.

About My Father Recap

Jamie

It’s not long ago that we would have been shocked to find ourselves doing a film like About my Father. Seems like a tiny film, something that could exist exclusively on some streaming service I don’t have access to. But I actually think it’s a great sign that something like this was released to 2400 theaters. Opportunity is all we need for BMT and maybe we’ll look back and think “the rock bottom for BMT was just around About my Father before things really turned around.” Interesting, too, that it’s paired with Head of the Family, as that has such an outsized place in my mind compared to its actual significance. This is one of a trilogy of films that play a major part in the lore of my favorite podcast, so its tenuous connection to the idea of “fatherhood” was enough for us. Now we just gotta think about the connections needed to snack on Castle Freak and Invisible Maniac.

To recap, hotelier Sebastian and artist Ellie are in loooooooove (oooooo, if you’re so in love then why don’t you marry her?). He’s planning on doing just that. A perfect opportunity comes in the form of an invite to the family’s big July 4th party in Virginia. Sebastian informs his father, Salvo (a proud Italian immigrant turned hair dresser), that he’ll be going this year for the holiday and Salvo insists that he join (otherwise no family ring for him). Ellie’s family is more than welcoming and off they jet to the exclusive community where the vacation home sits. Cultures are about the clash, though, as Salvo is pretty loud and in your face and Sebastian just wants him to calm down. Things are looking pretty good, though, when Ellie’s father (a mega rich hotelier himself) offers Sebastian management of their most prestigious D.C. hotel. One odd bit is that he sees that these hotels are decked out in Ellie’s art… seems like daddy has been spending the family fortune on propping up Ellie’s art career. Uh oh! He quietly accepts the offer and agrees to move from Chicago for the job. Meanwhile, Salvo continues to get in the wacky hijinks required by his contract as “kooky father.” He cooks up the family’s favorite peacock, gives the political matriarch of the family a horrible haircut (that goes viral in a good way), etc. etc. Ultimately, though, Ellie is hurt when she finds out about the art scandal and Salvo is hurt when he finds out they’re moving. Sebastian figures out that Ellie and his dad are what really matters and patches things up with them and agrees to stay in Chicago with the blessing of the whole family. THE END.

Despite a bunch of hacky gags (for example, Sebastian using a water hoverboard, losing his trunks, and then showing everyone his genitals… how can it be that it feels like I’ve seen that joke before?), I’m a bit of a sucker for a sweet family comedy like this. Nice ending, nice message, and Sebastian Maniscalco is pleasingly self-deprecating. So even though a multitude of things don’t work in the movie I think on the whole I didn’t mind this. It is very quick to the point and moves with purpose. I almost wish more stand-ups were forced to put their persona to the test with a 90 minute romantic/family comedy… see how it holds up to scrutiny. As for Head of the Family, I was surprised by how much I liked that film. Spoiler Alert: tons of nudity, but that’s not why I liked it. It was just good for a nice chuckle. All the characters are dumb or unpleasant so you can have a laugh at them all getting their comeuppance. What a surprising week for BMT.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Ellie and Sebastian are definitely ending up in D.C. He operates a boutique hotel, her art career is in the tank, his dad is elderly, and she is used to a certain lifestyle that includes pet peacocks and the like. When his dad passes away, they have a baby, and Lucky bombs at operating the big D.C. hotel then guess what is going to look pretty great? The brownstone in Georgetown and the opportunity to furnish a high end hotel with your art and a full time nanny and a vacation home. It’s just a matter of time. Hot Take Temperature: A balmy D.C. summer.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a Best Supporting Actor performance from De Niro in a bad comedy? I mean … I’m hearing whispers. Everyone is saying he could win Best Supporting Actor. I assume for this. Let’s go!

On a more serious note this is one of the best De Niro performances in a bad movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if it is because he’s so old, or because he’s energized by Killers of the Flower Moon, but he is effortlessly charming in this film and it is nothing like the odd grating performances you’d see in something like Little Fockers.

The main character is a bit of a nothing. I’m sure I would understand the movie better if I knew who he was or what his comedy specials are like.

I do like that the film isn’t about their families splitting the couple apart. The families are grating to them specifically, but the significant other likes their future in laws. That’s fun.

The two brothers are the worst though and in different ways. The main brother (played by one of the guys from Workaholics) doesn’t quite work because you are kind of supposed to buy he’s good at sports (tennis and golf specifically) and also that he isn’t the most annoying person in the world. He isn’t and he is respectively. The other brother is a caricature out of nowhere and adds nothing to the film besides being an opportunity to make fun of Millennials I think.

The peacock thing is absurd and derails the movie for no reason. Well … fine, the payoff of them clearly convincing the family that the dog killed the peacock was okay.

Our final friend of the cycle is Head of the Family. It’s a goddamned classic for a reason. Full Moon is an interesting company, but there is something just fun about the oddness and grossness and the way it is shot. The funniest thing is how proud people seem to be about it. The woman in it apparently showed it to her children with pride. She is naked all the time in the film. But yeah, it is hugely entertaining, the effects are fun, and I could watch a million of these. There is no wonder that Stuart from the Flophouse semi-seriously recommended it over and over on the podcast in the early days. A+.

The brother gets dangerously dangerously close to a modern Planchet (Who?) here by serving as a living, breathing, butt of jokes. Lots of Johnnie Walker for Product Placement (What?) throughout the film. A great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Virginia as the hot July 4th spot for conservatives from DC. And a Not So Secret Holiday Film (When?) for a true blue July 4th film. We got a MacGuffin (Why?) for the mythical ring the main character needs to pop the question. And finally a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that the parents have been buying the daughter’s art all along. The film is Good, but obviously it has a lot of good bad movie stuff to chew on throughout.

Read about the sequel I got planned in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

About My Father Quiz

Oh boy, so get this. I was chilling at my luxury golf and tennis club in Virginia when all of a sudden this lunatic smashed a tennis ball so hard into my nuts that I got a concussion (totally possible, look it up). Regardless, I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in About My Father?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Is this an easy one? What is De Niro’s job in the film? Hey, let’s kick it up a notch, what is the main character and his girlfriends as well.

2) Where do they live, where is the country club they are going for fourth of july, and where is the flagship hotel that is on offer as well?

3) Why, initially, is it indicated that the older brother wouldn’t be able to take over the flagship hotel instead of his soon-to-be brother-in-law?

4) What truly bizarre ritual does the main character and his father have before going to bed?

5) What scandal is revealed that almost completely sidetracks the main goal of the film which is, apparently, to propose to his girlfriend, something he could have done whenever but didn’t?

Bonus Question: Welp, obviously we need some craaaaazy happenings at the wedding. What happens?

Answers

About My Father Preview

September 1st, 69 A.D.

Artorius Shellacticus it looking like Adonis. Toga? Flowing. Hair? Luxuriant. Nose? Aquiline.  His summer had been spent lazing about his father’s Roman villa having a laugh at the particularly ribald farces he took in at the local amphitheater. His father had one word of advice for him as he navigates this crazy thing called life: “why don’t go to the gladiator pit?” And with that he swept his arm in the general direction of the gladiator pit and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (what’s a movie?) he ventures forth and soon finds himself peering over the edge of the pit at the battle-ready gladiators below. Suddenly he feels a couple local bullies grab him by the arms and toss him bodily into the pit. “You’re now a gladiator,” says one of the gladiators. Artorius is confused and insists that that can’t possibly be right. Unfortunately the stinging whip of the gladiator master disagrees with his analysis. Shortly thereafter he is cowering in fear as gladiators rip each other to shreds around him, much to the delight of the crowd. “What do I do? Think, Artorius, think!” But memories haven’t even been invented yet. As Artorius looks to the heavens waiting to feel a gladiator’s sword cleave his head from his body he’s surprised to see a shining face in the clouds. “Artorius,” the face says, “remember everything you’ve learned from the amphitheater, for it holds the key to your survival and the survival of your royal line. Never forget the power of… ART!” 

Just then Jamie and Patrick snap out of their memory trance. Their father’s butler, Clifford, is staring them hard in the faces and they vaguely recognize that he just finished saying something. “Wha… what was that about our father?” That’s right! We are finishing up the Art cycle by partaking in a very father-centric BMT film, About My Father. This is an old school comedian driven comedy that also stars Robert De Niro. We are cleverly pairing that with the Full Moon Entertainment classic Head of the Family. Let’s go!

About My Father (2023) – BMeTric: 31.1; Notability: 24

StreetCreditReport.com – Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.3%; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Foe, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, Meg 2: The Trench, 65, Your Place or Mine; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, Dear David, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Exorcist: Believer, Foe, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, God Is a Bullet, Finestkind, Ghosted, Love Again, Meg 2: The Trench, Muzzle, and 14 more; Notes: Honestly the main issue we are facing with the 2023 cycle is how we manage to watch the fourth After film. It is an annual tradition. This year there is the added twist of them claiming they got a wide release when I’m 95% sure they did not.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – De Niro, bless his heart, is the engine that keeps this refurbished jalopy puttering along for 90 minutes. There are a couple of scenes that suggest the stronger, more fascinating movie that might’ve been: Salvo talking to his late wife while sitting on a bench by himself at night, only to be interrupted by Doug, and a scene between Salvo and Tigger where De Niro and the always fabulous Cattrall display natural flirty chemistry (even blowing cigar-smoke rings at each other). You may fantasize about what the film might have turned into if they’d decided to go down that path.

(I 100% agree with this review. I watched Killers of the Flower Moon and this quite close together weirdly. He is excellent in both. I don’t know if it is just his age or what, but De Niro exudes an effortlessness in his acting now that is very impressive. He can be De Niro, but still with looks and few words convey two drastically different characters. He’s by far the best part of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txLSE7tpgr0/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txLSE7tpgr0/

(Looks dumb. Although fun to see that De Niro still speaks Italian in movies. I think he learned it for The Godfather Part II.)

Directors – Laura Terruso – ( Known For: Work It; Gayby; Good Girls Get High; Fits and Starts; BMT: About My Father; Notes: … How haven’t I heard of any of these films? How odd. It legit seems like she wrote/directed extreme extreme indies previously and this was her first major gig maybe?)

Writers – Austen Earl – ( Notes: This guy I think is missing because besides this he hasn’t really written a feature. He created the show Happy Together and wrote on a bunch of other series as well though. He’s a staff writer on The Santa Claus show.)

Sebastian Maniscalco – ( BMT: About My Father; Notes: The star of the show! Famous enough to get a voice in The Super Mario Bros. Movie. He has a bunch of Netflix comedy specials, and this is the flier to see if that can translate to movies. Old school in that way.)

Actors – Robert De Niro – ( Known For: Killers of the Flower Moon; Goodfellas; Cop Land; Joker; Heat; The Godfather Part II; Taxi Driver; The Irishman; Casino; The Deer Hunter; A Bronx Tale; Silver Linings Playbook; Once Upon a Time in America; Stardust; Cape Fear; The Untouchables; American Hustle; Raging Bull; Sleepers; Mean Streets; Future BMT: Great Expectations; Shark Tale; Meet the Fockers; The Family; The War with Grandpa; Little Fockers; Hide and Seek; Arthur and the Invisibles; The Fan; Analyze That; The Comedian; 15 Minutes; Showtime; Stanley & Iris; BMT: Amsterdam; About My Father; Dirty Grandpa; New Year’s Eve; Killer Elite; The Big Wedding; Grudge Match; Righteous Kill; Godsend; Notes: Only our 9th De Niro? That’s surprising. Y’all know him. He might win the Oscar this year, he was incredible in Killers of the Flower Moon. We’ll see though.)

Sebastian Maniscalco – ( Known For: The Super Mario Bros. Movie; The Irishman; Green Book; Somewhere in Queens; Tag; Spinning Gold; Cruise; Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights – Hollywood to the Heartland; Just Like Us; Future BMT: The House; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: About My Father; Notes: As you can see he has a lot of bit parts, but in big films. I wonder if De Niro signed on because he was in The Irishman.)

Leslie Bibb – ( Known For: Iron Man; Trick ‘r Treat; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; The Babysitter; Iron Man 2; Tag; The Babysitter: Killer Queen; Flight 7500; To the Bone; The Midnight Meat Train; Private Parts; A Good Old Fashioned Orgy; Wristcutters: A Love Story; Running with the Devil; Sex and Death 101; The Inhabitant; Hell Baby; The Lost Husband; Meeting Evil; Take Care; Future BMT: Law Abiding Citizen; No Good Deed; See Spot Run; BMT: Movie 43; About My Father; Zookeeper; Confessions of a Shopaholic; The Skulls; Notes: She is one of those actors that I recognize, but I couldn’t tell you from where. Ah, found it, she was Meegan in The League, a show I watched several seasons of and which, like Entourage, has had a tough aging process I feel like.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $12,089,391 (Worldwide: $18,167,819)

(Given the De Niro of it all I think this is tough. $30 and I could have believed he had a stew going, but $18 worldwide seems like a tough take.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (30/85): About My Father finds star/co-writer Sebastian Maniscalco drawing on his own life for material — and inadvertently proving that a funny standup routine doesn’t necessarily make for an entertaining film.

(Sounds about right. It does feel like a series of vignettes highlighting different standup routines from a special about going to the Hamptons.)

Reviewer Highlight: De Niro, bless his heart, gives the movie more than it gives him. – Matt Zoller Seitz, RogerEbert.com

Poster – Aboot My Father

(That’s the Canadian-ploitation version of the film. I like the font, but that’s about it. C-.)

Tagline(s) – This Memorial Day weekend, feathers will be ruffled. (C)

(Oh boy. This is a tagline that relies on you seeing the trailer of the film which heavily features De Niro murdering a peacock… so… I’m gonna say that’s not great. Not even short. But at least it’s trying something.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 59.0 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.9 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.7 Speed Zone (1989), 41.7 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.4 Club Paradise (1986), 39.0 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 36.0 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.4 Spring Break (1983), 34.2 Father Hood (1993)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), About My Father (2023), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Kickboxer (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

Best Options (year2023): 31.1 About My Father (2023)

(Yeah I added anything with “father” in the title to work for this cycle, which is how we made the leap. Worked out well I think. I think quite a successful Bring a Friend cycle this year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Robert De Niro is No. 2 billed in About My Father and No. 1 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Just like Sebastian Maniscalco’s character (also Sebastian), his father was a hair-dresser who immigrated from Italy at age 15.

The dish Salvo whips up is called Carciofo e Pavone, which literally translates to Artichoke and Peacock

When Sebastian and his father are burying the peacock, Sebastian remarks “you act like you’ve done this before.” An obvious nod to the scene from Goodfellas when Robert Deniro’s character buries Billy Batts.

Just like Sebastian Maniscalco’s character (also Sebastian), his father was born in Sicilia, Italy. His mother was Italian as well.

In Spain it was titled “Todo sobre mi padre” (all about my father), as a slight hint to the Pedro Almodóvar’s movie All About My Mother (1999).