Achievement – Bad Movie Twins

D3: The Mighty Ducks Recap

Jamie

We talking D3? I remember this film being both a massive disappointment and also specifically having some of the best stuff in the entire series. All dem pranks? That’s my jam. This should have been 80% pranks and fooling around on the ice. Even before the rewatch, if you had asked me what I remembered from this film it would have been the shift from it being the Bombay show (kind of embarrassingly so in the second one) to it being entirely about the kids. Which is… you know… kinda how a Mighty Ducks film should be. Isn’t it weird how pretty much every underdog kids sports film is mostly about the coach and how much he learns about some personal demon of his. Why are The Goonies and The Sandlot and Stand By Me so iconic? Just look at who those stories are about. Mighty Ducks just got there one film too late.

To recap, the Quack Attack is back, Jack! This time they are heading to high school. In what appears to be an elaborate publicity stunt, the prestigious Eden Hall Academy gives full scholarships to the whole team to be their JV team. This is at the expense of any and all other players who might have wanted to play JV (lol, what?). The Ducks are ready to quack their way through another fun year, but are sorely disappointed to find that Gordon Bombay isn’t their coach! Instead it’s some nerd named Ted Orion. Sounds like a guy who couldn’t hack it in the NHL. Between beefing in a prank war with the Varsity team and beefing with their coach who doesn’t want to give Charlie the captainship, the Ducks are having it rough. Doesn’t help that Banks is recruited straight to Varsity. After a game one rout turns itself into an embarrassing tie, the Varsity challenges the Ducks to a scrimmage. This is a total debacle, which results in Orion declaring the Ducks dead. Charlie and Fulton quit in protest. When Hans suddenly dies, Charlie and the team attend his funeral and Bombay confronts him about his choice. He reveals that Orion wasn’t a big ol’ quitter, but rather quit hockey to care for his ailing daughter. Charlie decides to play hockey right and Orion welcomes him back. The school tries to take away their scholarships, but Bombay acts as their lawyer and keeps them in school. When the big JV-Varsity game comes up it’s a hard fought battle. With the game 0-0 Charlie gets a chance to score it, but using what he’s learned from Orion, he passes to Goldberg (now a defenseman) who scores a wide open goal to win. THE END.

Franchise Man here and hold onto your hats… this is the best film in the series. Let me be very clear, I mean that this is the best of the Mighty Ducks films to actually follow the framework of a typical film. The first is all weird with its focus on Bombay. The second throws all rules and regulations out the window. The third… it’s dealing with the idea of these kids from the wrong side of the tracks getting an opportunity at an education. They are being asked to play two way hockey and deal with being JV when they are kind of famous. The movie is pretty shitty, other than the prank scenes, but it’s more like an actual script than the second one. Interestingly, still about branding. It’s a little unclear, but it seems like the board approved bringing in the Ducks because they were famous. If anything I would have liked them to lean into that more. Instead of Bombay coming in for some bullshit lawyer scene I would have liked him to come in and be like “we know you brought them in for publicity… well it’s not going to look great when we take how you treated them to the media.” They also simply needed bigger stakes. How can you go from the Jr. Goodwill Games to a Varsity-JV scrimmage? Come on. Overall, F for nostalgia. A positive shrug for actual quality.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I don’t think Charlie and… uh… that girl he likes are going to make it. First of all, I don’t remember her name. Second of all, she’s like a total nerd who is into education and taking down Eden Hall’s outdated mascot: The Warriors, while Charlie is delusional enough to think he could go from Spazway all the way to the NHL when he can’t even make Varsity over Banks. I don’t think she’s going to take kindly to the hundredth time he tells her he doesn’t need school because of his future in the NHL. He needs to get his priorities straight, refocus on crew, get into Yale and then join some bone-related secret society (What could go wrong!). Finally, they are in high school (freshmen at that) and that’s… that’s just not realistic, now is it? Hot Take Temperature: The Flying V.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me being a total douche to my coach for no reason. You don’t know me old man! Quack! Quack! Qua … no one else? Not even you Goldberg?* Let’s go!

The Good? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm … This is tough because there might honestly be nothing. The film is kind of a perfect storm of very concerning decisions which (very naturally) completely killed the franchise for like 20 years. Maybe the low-stakes-ness of it all makes more sense than D2 and there is at least some admission that the only players who might actually “make it” to any degree is Banks (since he’s the most skilled) and Charlie (by sheer willpower). That makes a lot of sense to me. Oh, and Goldberg is finally benched and eventually moved to defense. FINALLY!

The Bad? Again, let’s go through the odd decisions. Bombay bounces and basically isn’t in much of the film (or so it seems, see later analysis). The school completely bails on the Ducks after like two losses (ridiculous). Killing off Hans is fine but like where is Jan?! Changing the setting from high-stakes Los Angeles back to the lowest of low stakes of JV hockey at a private school in Minneapolis is truly nuts. No new characters is also a mistake. Now that I’ve spelled it all out if you can get through those few issues there actually isn’t as much bad stuff as I remember. There is just no good stuff.

The BMT? I think this is Bad. The fun part is that this means the trilogy is a perfect BMT trilogy. The first one is Good. The second is BMT. And the third is Bad (and kills the franchise). It is actually precisely what I think trilogies should strive for.

Oooooo I actually did this AI analysis a very long time ago. So how Google Gemini (at least used to) work was if you sent in a video it would split it into single frames at one second intervals. I found this amusing since that is what I did anyways to analyze this movie. Specifically, I wanted to know: hey, Emilio Estevez is the top billed person in D3 … but how much of the movie is he actually in? The answer: well, probably somewhere between 5-10%. Given I deleted the burned DVD long ago I can’t confirm things, but I do know an inordinate number of positive identification of Emilio were false positives because the AI system seemingly can’t tell the difference between Emilio Estevez and Jeffery Nordling aka Coach Orion. Dumb AI. Anyways, “Emilio” appears specifically in around 500 frames of the film. I think you can say the false positive rate could be as much as 50% given what I recall, and the frames versus “existing in the scene” you could maybe increase things by 50% as well, so the safest rough analysis I can give you months later is: Emilio Estevez is top billed in D3 despite only appearing in 5-10% of the film. Anthony Hopkins appeared in about 13% of Silence of the Lambs (and famously won the Best Actor Oscar for it). This felt similar, and indeed, I think the numbers are probably pretty close in the end.

Might as well complete the trilogy with Planchet (Who?) for Goldberg who again just gets continually dunked on. A Setting as a Character (Where?) for some prestigious prep school in Minneapolis. I’m going to throw a Chekov’s Scholarship (Why?) in there for the scholarships they give all the Ducks which certainly won’t come to bite the school in the ass once ultra-lawyer Bombay shows up. And I kind of love the Worst Twist (How?) whereby for whatever reason Portman isn’t in the vast vast majority of the film riiiiiiight up until the end when he shows up and walks onto the JV team.

Read all about … Minnesota High School Hockey maybe? In the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

D2: The Mighty Ducks Recap

Jamie

I have no trouble remembering the entry of D2: The Mighty Ducks into my life. At that point we were old enough to have probably seen it in theaters. Wheelhouse territory. Amazing that Kenan hadn’t quite yet popped on All That, but my memory has him in “elite” level pretty much from right here onwards. I was not going to be missing a Kenan (or even Kel) jam. No way. No how. Playing hockey, you couldn’t swing a stick without someone trying a knuckle puck, attempting a flying V in practice, or triple deking to our heart’s desire. And yes, we already knew as 8-year-olds that Iceland being the big bad was a joke. Years later, I can only assume the people making it also knew it was a joke… that was part of the joke. At the time, though, it felt good to be like “ha, what idiots.” Life was grand. We were the champions, no doubt.

To recap, the Quack Attack is back, Jack! After the team’s most important player (Gordon Bombay, of course) is injured in the minor leagues, just before getting his shot in the NHL (as some sort of Marchand/St. Louis type), he is recruited by Hendrix Hockey to coach Team USA at the Goodwill Games. Best of all he can bring all the Ducks (minus the less interesting kids). Off they go to LA where they meet new teammates (Whaa?). Don’t worry, they are pranking each other and best bash brother friends in no time (Phew). While the Ducks handily dispatch vaunted opponents, Italy and Trinidad & Tobago, Bombay is enthralled by the celebrity of LA and the cute Icelandic trainer unfortunately associated with the eeeeevil Team Iceland and their eeeevil coach, Wolf Stansson (good name). When the Ducks finally meet up with their eeevil rivals, it’s a bloodbath. Bombay needs the sweet green that celebrity promises! He begins to drive the team like some eeevil Coach Stansson type. Where is his love of the game? The team’s tutor demands he give the kids a break. This leaves them time to play street hockey and recruit Keenan and his knucklepuck to the team. Bombay’s old mentor Hans…’s brother Jan (for real) shows up and also demands he rediscover his love in the only way anyone knows how: blading it out at the beach in hot pants. He blades so hard that he’s late for the game. He arrives in the third to a tie game with Germany and helps inspire the Ducks to a win. With the help of Keenan in the following game against Russia, the Ducks win again. In the final it’s a close and tough game against Iceland until they find the Ducks inside of us all and quack their way to a tie. They go to a shootout where Bombay replaces Goldberg with Julie (the Cat) for the final shooter and she saves the day (literally). THE END (or is it? (no, duh… but also they have to sing We Are the Champions obviously)).

This is the hardest of the films to judge. It is ludicrous. But it also cranking nostalgia at levels not seen since Rufio. Everything in the film hits. The new player, gimmicks, Rodeo Drive, opposing teams, everything. You can almost tell in real time them realizing that Bombay kind of sucks and they need to go more for the players doing pranks and stuff. More crazy gimmicks on and off the ice! By the time you get to the end of the film there may as well be a dog playing. The rulebook has been thrown so far out the window that it rocketed into outer space. As for the whole idea of branding: still here. Knowing that the Ducks made for big headlines by breaking the Hawk’s streak, Hendrix Hockey brought them in hoping for another miracle with the kids wearing his equipment. Once again I feel like they set this up and then just decide it’s not worth following through on. Hendrix clearly should have been a bad guy. Just wants the miracle for his shitty equipment. They should have said “no way” and played in Hans/Jan’s equipment. Instead he just affably stands by while they make his dreams come true. Weird. Overall. A++ for nostalgia. Somehow the worst actual film of the franchise (but, shhh, I don’t care).

Hot Take Clam Bake! I don’t think Bombay and the Icelandic trainer are going to make it. First of all I don’t even know her name… I guess her name is Maria… which is also the name of the actress. They probably had [Insert name here] in the script. It’s like when an athlete adds “Sr.” to their jersey. Never a good sign. Second of all, she’s hot stuff and what? Bombay’s going to go to Iceland? No way. He’s gotta take that sweet job with the Goodwill Games (see: D3: The Mighty Ducks). Finally, I can officially say it: Coach Bombay kinda sucks. He keeps getting roped in by the sweet green and having to reignite his passion for the game by skating/blading his little heart out. Everyone needs to move on from this dude. Only person more overrated in the series is Goldberg. Hot Take Temperature: Iceland.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me being a pretty sweet skater, but then an eeeeevil Icelandic hockey player slashes me in the knee, cripples me, and laughs in my face. “Well worth it” he says.* Let’s go!

The Good? Alright, this was a stalwart of young Sklog life, and I think illustrates an important factor in children’s entertainment. Specifically, when you are a child the second Mighty Ducks is the best one. It has the coolest uniforms, they get to pick and choose the best characters and replace the bad ones with more interesting ones, and you are seeing neat places like Los Angeles and playing on the biggest stage. When you are an adult the second film is either extraordinarily silly or abominable depending on how much you like the first one. I enjoy the silliness of the second one, even if some of the choices are weird.

The Bad? Let’s just go through some of those weird choices. They didn’t get Hans back and instead of recasting they get his previously unmentioned brother who then disappears for the third film, odd choice. They seem to seriously suggest Bombay was going to make the NHL at like a 32 year old rookie. Not impossible, it just feels rather unlikely. Also he goes from not playing hockey for about 20 years to borderline professional within a year. The endurance itself would take longer. He was a lawyer (and borderline alcoholic) for like 10 years! I personally doubt his back was going to hold up let alone any of the rest of his body. They then proceed to make him a sell out trash person (in line with his original character I suppose, not so much with Reformed Bombay) when the eeeeevil Team USA corporate overlord was right there ready to destroy the spirit of the team. Obviously Cat should have always been starting over Goldberg, a person who can barely skate and seems to be an objectively terrible goalkeeper. And finally Iceland has approximately 300 thousand people, just about the same number of people as Madison, Wisconsin. My understanding is that until recently they didn’t even really have any ice rinks on the island and only started to gear up their youth hockey program 20 years after this film came out. Why they chose Iceland and not something like Canada or even maybe Sweden as a (more friendly) rival is beyond me.

Again this film is very very very silly. The fact that they basically just ignore all of the lore from this film (outside of that kid they picked up off the street in L.A. moving to Minnesota to attend a private high school there) is incredible.

The actual good of the film I guess is that a good number of the characters they invented for the second film move forward to the third, which is probably a sign that they were doing something right.

The BMT? I think so. Of the three films this is the one that teeters right on the edge of so bad it’s good. It is so weird and silly that, personally, I can’t help but have fun with it.

Again, I think Goldberg is a Planchet (Who?), just getting dunked on all day. I’m inventing a new category, The Sklog Daily Lexicon (What?) for the word Knucklepuck entering firmly into everyday use in the world of the late-90s Sklogs. Definitely Setting as a Character (Where?) for saying fuck it and moving the production to the much more convenient Los Angeles. I do like the Wait This was Real (Why?) for the use of the Goodwill Games as the reason behind the entire movie taking place. The movie is very very BMT in my opinion, I probably watched it a dozen times on cable in the late-90s / early 00s.

Learn all about the real Goodwill Games I would think, in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Mighty Ducks Recap

Jamie

I can’t even imagine how big of a sensation The Mighty Ducks was. Mostly because, while the film was obviously a huge part of my cinematic life, it came out at a time where the memory of its actual release is hazy. Almost like The Mighty Ducks was always. And think about this, the film was such a sensation that there is still a major pro sports team named the Ducks. That’s Jurassic Park status. Anyway, it’s hard to parse these types of films from nostalgia. It’s why we avoided things like this (and Hackers) for a substantial chunk of BMT. How can we have anything from love and affection for The Mighty Ducks? And yet at a certain point it became undeniable that these films must be given the BMT treatment. For the sake of history. And so here they are, destined to win a Freddy Got Fingered award.

To recap, Gordon Bombay is a high powered lawyer. Sure he has a past life as a hockey-loving phenom with a dad who just wanted him to love the game with all his heart. But when that dad died, so did that love of fun. Replaced with a love of that sweet green, a need for speed and a taste for a couple of road sodas. Uh oh! Those road sodas come back and bite him when he’s pulled over and (given his general ‘tude in the courtroom) sentenced to *gulp* coach Peewee hockey! Mr. Ducksworth, this has to be a joke. That’s how he finds himself coaching the ragtaggingest ragtag group of nogoodniks this side of the Twin Cities. Things start out rough, but Gordon’s old friend, Hans, reminds him to recall the fun in hockey and he gains the trust of the team. Amongst this group is Spazway (a.k.a. Charlie Conway) who Gordon sees something in and takes under his wing. What’s that? He also has a smoking hot single mom? Oh my, Gordon hadn’t noticed, but now that you mention it… Anyway, this group is jokesters who don’t even really know how to skate, so Gordon goes out and finds even ragtaggier kids to join the team and help out. Things start coming together, so Gordon uses his lawyer skillz to find out the star player from the eeeevil Hawks, Banks, should be on his team. Blinded by his need to get one over on the Hawks’ eeeevil Coach Riley, Gordon inadvertently insults his entire team and they quit. Faced with this and the possibility of losing his job over the Banks fiasco he realizes that he doesn’t want to be a lawyer anyway. Suddenly the team is back in and they are marching to the championship. In the big game the Ducks are overmatched but play to a draw and Charlie gets a penalty shot to win it (Spazway!). Using Gordon’s patented Triple Deke, Charlie wins the game. THE END (or is it? (Nevveeerrrrrrr!)).

Is this film good? I’d like to frame this from the vantage point of Franchise Man. The Big FM would want you to understand the crux of The Mighty Ducks: marketing. Every movie is in some way about the Ducks being exploited by larger forces but ultimately coming through because of the exact opposite of marketing: genuine fun. Gordon Bombay has to forget what got him into this in the first place. He was in trouble and to get out of trouble he would coach the team. The team sucked, so to help them not suck he got his law firm to sponsor them. Ultimately, in all three movies(!), the film itself chooses fun rather than acknowledging it. They could have had Ducksworth come up and apologize, but no. Forget all that. All in all, though, the film is really weird. It’s like 85% saddo Gordon Bombay. I did appreciate the accuracy of the sports scenes in the end. Only the climactic goal is sorta fudged. They imply Bombay could choose anyone to take the penalty shot and have him explicitly choose Spazway. That doesn’t make sense with the rules. Overall, pretty middling, but an A+ for nostalgia.

Hot Take Clam Bake! You know, I don’t think Bombay and Charlie’s mom are going to make it. First of all he’s about to venture forth on a quest for the NHL as a thirty-something year old 5’7” rookie who (allegedly) quit playing after Peewee hockey. I’m thinking he won’t have much time to be there for a single mom working as a waitress to provide for her son. Second of all, she’s cute and the single guys of the Twin Cities are probably ready to pounce while he’s off toiling away on the Kalamazoo Wings. Third of all they totally whiff on Charlie’s last name in the credits of the film (Conroy? Come on)… so I don’t think they’re putting much stock in the character. Hot Take Temperature: 10,000 Frozen Lakes.

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me totally beefing it on the hockey rink, but then a second gif where Coach Bombay teaches me soft hands, but then a third gif where he starts dating my mom, but then a fourth gif where maybe I’m happy he’s dating my mom because then Coach Bombay would be my dad maybe? But then a fifth gif where he stops dating my mom and we never mention it again* Let’s go!

The Good? This movie. That’s the entire review I think we’ve said enough here. But for real, the strength of the original Mighty Ducks is that it is that thing that existed since the Bad News Bears (I think) where it is an ensemble kids’ film. Disney is just doing Disney things and snatching up bonafide kids superstars (Danny Tamberelli anyone?) and hanging an entire franchise on someone I would say is probably a Kid Actor Hall of Fame candidate in Joshua Jackson.

Speaking of which, since there isn’t much else to talk about with this film in terms of BMTness or badness, there was a question on Reddit where someone asked why kid actors on television often turn into abominable teen actors. I think the answer is fairly obvious: When you are a kid actor they often play to your strength early in a series. Namely precocious quips and one liners. Once you get to later seasons of a show and you start getting paid more (presumably), you are expected to handle dramatic scenes yourself. The kids who are the actual stars of their shows (Blossum, Corey from Boy Meets World, etc.) are often fine because they were cast to hold their own in these heavier scenes. But the actors who start as just window dressing to the main star of a show (e.g. the three kids on Home Improvement), they can get a bit dicey as time goes on. Now why am I mentioning this here? Because Joshua Jackson did get a bit dicey as a teen, but he was still good enough to transition to a elder teen on Dawson’s Creek, and has had a pretty impressive television career since. That’s what these movies need, and the entire kid cast is pretty great in the original.

The Bad? Nothing? Naw, sure. The actual thing is that they really get wild with some of the stats. At one point they suggest Bombay scored like 200 goals in a youth hockey season … Do they know how many games they play in youth hockey? I don’t think it is like 80. Somehow I think they are suggesting Bombay was scoring like 10 goals a game. Somewhat unrealistic.

The BMT? Naw, it is actually pretty offensive this even qualifies. This movie is a genuine banger. Great movie. Would watch it again right now.

I think we maybe have a Planchet (Who?) here in either Lester Averman (although people aren’t really dunking on him, more like just laughing at him, he’s true comic relief) or Goldberg. A great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Saint Paul, MN (at least in part, the place Charlie’s mother works is definitely in Saint Paul). I’m making up a new category for Slo-Motion Childhood Tragedy (Why?) for Bombay missing a penalty shot in the finals of the Twin Cities Youth Hockey Championship, his dad dying, and him quitting hockey all in the same year. ROUGH. This movie is Good, get the fuck out of here.

Learn all about NHL teams probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

D3: The Mighty Ducks Quiz

Where does the word “varsity” come from? You better believe it is a shortening of the word “university”! I … actually find that fascinating. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) At one point resident Cowboy Robertson sports a Lone Ranger costume to chase down and hog tie varsity athlete Cole. What was the name of the Lone Ranger’s horse and companion?

2) The only notable soundtrack addition is Barenaked Ladies with Grade 9 which peaked at 53 on the Canadian charts. They did have one number one single in the US. What is it?

3) Coach Orion, got to love him. The constellation Orion though? Do you love it? What is the most famous star in Orion?

4) Joshua Jackson is mostly known as a television star, particularly as a main cast member of Dawson’s Creek. He also appeared in 5 seasons of what Fox Science Fiction series often compared to the X-Files?

5) Here’s a final deepcut for you: Where was Goldberg’s family from again?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Premiered on The Disney Channel on September 29, 1997, up against:

This might be impossible, but bear with me … what is this film?

Answers

D2: The Mighty Ducks Quiz

When did the Mighty Ducks win the Stanley Cup? 2006? Was Charlie Conway on the team? Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The Goodwill Games was a real thing that ran from 1986 to 2001. It was created by what media mogul who pioneered the superstation concept and 24-hour news?

2) Amazing. You can see the VHS for this movie on the bedstand of the character Joey in the season 7 episode of Seinfeld The Wait Out. That character is played by Todd Bosley who you definitely recognize from Little Giants which starred what two actors as opposing coaches?

3) Julie “The Cat” Gaffney is from Bangor, Maine which features a 31 foot statue of which Canadian lumberjack folk hero?

4) Two important Mighty Ducks signature moves are introduced in the film. The first is a team effort. And the second is a move exclusive to late addition Russ Tyler (played by Keenan Thompson). Name both.

5) The movie of course ends with Queen’s We Are the Champions, which amazingly peaked at only number 4 on the US Charts. Queen would only have two US Chart toppers. Name either.

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Just in time for Christmas, on December 3, 1995, D2 went up against:

What is this movie with a very long title?

Answers

The Mighty Ducks Quiz

Who won the Stanley Cup in 1999? The Dallas Stars? I am unfamiliar with such a team, although I do know the Minnesota North Stars. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Let’s start with an Emilio question. He comes from a somewhat legendary acting family. He (and his uncle Joe) kept their real names, whereas his father (Martin Sheen) and brother (Charlie Sheen) took on stage names. What is Martin Sheen’s birthname?

2) Come on a journey with me. There was an animated series followup involving humanoid ducks playing hockey and fighting evil (for real). The main character in that was Duke L’Orange, a play off the dish duck a l’orange which involves what kind of sauce?

3) You know this film had a bumping soundtrack. Who sang Good Vibrations?

4) Apparently the film was nominated for AFI’s 100 Cheers special list. So I guess it just got beat out by what 1982 Best Picture winner? Also a sports film it told a real life story about British athletes.

5) Might as well keep it going: What did the aforementioned 1982 movie beat out for Best Picture that year?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: The Mighty Ducks pretty much only played on Disney. On March 5, 1994 it went up against this equally good film:

What is this film?

Answers

D3: The Mighty Ducks Preview

And by back-up plan he means bringing “back up” all the points he was already making (and more). Soon Jamie is back in the courtroom, having cited Resolution 4125 from 1933, whereby Hallston established that jury members had the right to cross examine witnesses. The entire third grade classroom of Dark Territory Elementary is shown a super rad video of Jamie himself performing samurai moves with his sword and then asked simple memory-based questions. They all fail. The teacher intervenes. “But sir, I was not distracted by the rad/horrifying nature of the murder,” she insists. Jamie scoffs. He measures out 300 yards between the teacher and the accused and asks for identification. No problem. He then stands, shirtless, next to the young man. The teacher’s eyes widen and a murmur can be heard from the gallery. The teacher has to admit, “It’s uncanny. I can’t tell the difference.” Three more of the witnesses give him a thumbs up. It’s now 9-3 for ‘not guilty.’ Suddenly, a hubbub can be heard in the back of the room. Ms. LaRouche’s boss, Mr. Duckworth, is loudly whispering and making dramatic hand gestures at her. “I demand to know what is going on here. I understand we want to set this young man free, but do we need this… this…” They hear him hiss, pointing at Jamie, “riff raff being the one doing it? We’ll never work in this town again!” Ms. LaRouche is trying to calm him down, but the damage is done. The jury can now smell blood in the water. They must be on the right track when even the big wig defense lawyers are getting cold feet. Two more votes change. Just one more hold out… Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Mr. Duckworth,” Jamie says softly and Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Thank you, indeed, Mr. Ducksworth. Without you forcing Gordon Bombay into coaching hockey, we wouldn’t get to watch all three for BMT. Let’s go!

D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996) – BMeTric: 45.7; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 18.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Bio-Dome, Striptease, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Solo, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, The Glimmer Man, First Kid, Eddie; Higher Notability: Jingle All the Way, The Fan, Chain Reaction, Spy Hard, Daylight, Mulholland Falls, 101 Dalmatians, Eye for an Eye, Up Close & Personal, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Sgt. Bilko, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, In Love and War, Space Truckers, Hellraiser: Bloodline, Dunston Checks In, and 27 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, Getting Away with Murder, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Mr. Wrong, Faithful, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, Dear God, and 30 more; Notes: This played 19 times on television in the 90s. We’ve seen 11 of the higher 15 BMeTrics which is pretty good. The Stupids is probably the weirdest gap. It only played on television two times from what I can tell … odd, seems like that should have been a Comedy Central classic.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Those adolescent hockey players have won scholarships to a fancy private school, where that have a new no-nonsense coach (Nordling) and find themselves outsiders in a snooty varsity league. Oh yes – and Charlie (Jackson) has a girlfriend. The Ducks franchise has run out of steam.

(I find it incredibly interesting that MAltin gave all three films the exact same number of reviews, but they all, seemingly, are slammed for different things. The first for being predictable. The second for being preposterous. And the last for rehashing everything.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFSmoKm6c5A/

(Oh yeah, that’s a VHS capture if I’ve ever seen it. It is too bad that for a moment Joshua Jackson was a terrible actor. He’s a great actor as an adult, but it got a bit weird in late stage Mighty Ducks.)

Directors – Robert Lieberman – ( Known For: Fire in the Sky; The Tortured; Breakaway; Table for Five; Future BMT: All I Want for Christmas; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: It is wild he directed Fire in the Sky, freaky film. For years he did television, then did a few TV movies before he died in 2023.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Wow, he also wrote the screenplay for this! I genuinely find it very interesting he stuck out the whole trilogy.)

Kenneth Johnson – ( BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Steel; Notes: A classic TV writer, e.g. The Incredible Hulk, and the original V miniseries. He only has a story credit here.)

Jim Burnstein – ( Known For: Love and Honor; Future BMT: Renaissance Man; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: That is it, he is mostly a producer. Love and Honor looks wild. You might ask how it doesn’t qualify. It didn’t get released to enough theaters. But it stars Aimee Teegarden. You know … From Friday Night Lights. We only have one more qualifying film for her (some film called Prom?), but I genuinely forgot she was in Rings.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Freejack; Notes: I’m running out of things to say, but let’s leave it by saying us not having done Men at Work yet with the Estevez/Sheen brothers is crazy.)

Jeffrey Nordling – ( Known For: Tron: Legacy; Sully; Quiz Show; Working Girl; Home of the Brave; Surfer, Dude; Flicka; Polish Wedding; The Locksmith; Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying; Ruby; Holy Matrimony; Love Hurts; Future BMT: Love Affair; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: He kind of does one-off tv episodes at this point. He was Larry Moss in 24.)

David Selby – ( Known For: The Social Network; Equals; Unknown; White Squall; Newness; Are You Here; Inhale; End Game; Raise the Titanic; Rich and Famous; Night of Dark Shadows; Up the Sandbox; The Super Cops; Rich Kids; Back Fork; Headless Body in Topless Bar; Future BMT: Dark Shadows; Surviving Christmas; Dying Young; Intersection; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Is this a fake credit? I think this is the Dean of the school. How Joshua Jackson isn’t at least third billed is nuts. He’s the main character!)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $22,955,097 (Worldwide: $22,955,097)

(Yeah there it is. Now we are looking at halving the output. A D4: The Might Ducks: Minor Leagues sequel was never in the works.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Another consensus: This movie is literally the same movie as the other two movies so why did they make it and why am I watching it?)

Reviewer Highlight: The Mighty Ducks, Minnesota’s underdog kid hockey team, are back again, in a third version of more or less the same story.

Poster – B3: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(Back to at least feeling more artistic. My immediate reaction though is to squint at the tiny characters on the poster and thinking “Wait, is that Coach Bombay?” Notably not their coach in this film. C+.)

Tagline(s) – No Fear. No Limits. No Brakes. Just Ducks. (B)

(Pure distilled Ducks, babbbyyyyyy. None of these things really describe the third film. In fact this is much more like the second, totally ridiculous film. Still. They were trying here.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (franchise): 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 66.9 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021)

(Finally a Might Ducks film deserving of a high BMeT … but still not high enough to defeat the quality of the late stage Smokey and the Bandit sequels … which yeah, we might be watching later this year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D3: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – When Charlie gets kicked off the team by Coach Orion after the “unofficial” JV/Varsity showdown, the only other player to join Charlie in leaving the team is Fulton. This is fitting since Fulton and Charlie were the first two players to agree to become Ducks in the first movie. They were also the only two players to show up to the game that they were forced to forfeit since the rest of the team walked out on Bombay in the first movie.

Michael Cudlitz, who plays Cole, is only 2 years younger than Emilio Estevez. Cudlitz is older than most of the Mighty Ducks in the movie by 12 to 15 years.

Emilio Estevez, Joshua Jackson, Elden Henson, Shaun Weiss, Matt Doherty, Garette Ratliff Henson, Marguerite Moreau, and Vincent LaRusso are the only actors to appear in all three Mighty Ducks movies. Steven Brill, the writer of the film series also makes appearances in all three films, but as different characters. In the first film, he played Bombay’s rival lawyer Frank Huddy. In the second film, he plays a party guest who talks to Coach Bombay about fellow sport coach Pat Riley. In this film, he plays the game attendant at the Mall of America who talks to Charlie and Fulton about playing hooky, making this the only film where he doesn’t share any screen time with Emilio Estevez, but instead shares screen time with some of the Ducks players.

In this movie Scott Whyte plays the character of Scott. In D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) he played the Icelandic hockey player, Gunnar Stahl. Interestingly enough, both of his characters seem to show a romantic interest towards Ducks player Julie “The Cat” Gaffney, played by Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine.

The dorm used by the varsity is the same dorm used in Dead Poets Society.

D2: The Mighty Ducks Preview

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 22.0%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.9%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, Color of Night, In the Army Now, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Death Wish: The Face of Death, and 35 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, The Scout, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, On Deadly Ground, Street Fighter, Exit to Eden, Blown Away, Drop Zone, Speechless; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, S.F.W., The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, The Specialist, and 26 more; Notes: This time the BMT classic Clifford is the surprising one. Played 92 times on television, only being beat by Clear and Present Danger. This played 30 times. We’ve seen 14 of the top 20 in this case, which is quite good. What is up with 1992, why have we not seen anything from 1992? So weird.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Having led his rag-tag hockey team to surprise victory in The Might Ducks, Estevez now gets a chance to coach Team USA (incorporating his former Ducks) in the Junior Goodwill Games – and make a bundle of money as a potential celebrity. The kind of film gives “contrivance” a bad name”: a Disney movie with mixed messages about competition, commercialism, puberty, and sportsmanship. Kids may like it anyway. Sports stars ranging from Wayne Gretzky to KAreem Abdul Jabbar make cameo appearances.

(The mixed messages! This is a particular thing that we ended up noting on this rewatch as adults with adult brains. The film seems to have a hard time grappling with how to introduce a message about commercialism in sports without making Bombay look like a dick. And for no reason, they have a ready and willing eeeeeeeevil hockey equipment manufacturer right there! It is wild.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI9PFPLwEcE/

(It is like they compressed the video in 1994. What the hell? This movie is so stupid, but also like with a lot of series, often the worst film is actually the one you love the most as a kid. Wait … does it just play the Back to the Future theme in the middle of the trailer?)

Directors – Sam Weisman – ( Known For: George of the Jungle; Future BMT: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; The Out-of-Towners; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys for directing an episode of L.A. Law, and for producing and directing Brooklyn Bridge. Younger brother of David Weisman who produced Kiss of the Spider Woman.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Whoa! He directed the second as well. That was unexpected. I was sure he would only have character credits for the rest of the series.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: What else is there to say about Emilio really. Part of the Brat Pack, which I guess reminds me I should watch St. Elmo’s Fire at some point.)

Kathryn Erbe – ( Known For: Stir of Echoes; What About Bob?; Mistress America; Assassination Nation; Kiss of Death; Alex Strangelove; The Addiction; The Good House; Speaking of Sex; Entropy; Dream with the Fishes; Rich in Love; 3 Backyards; Death of a Unicorn; Worst Friends; Love from Ground Zero; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I Pretty much exclusively know here as the Watson to D’Onofrio’s Holmes in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. She ended up being in more episodes than D’Onofrio, because I forgot he was replaced by Goldblum for a short time.)

Michael Tucker – ( Known For: The Purple Rose of Cairo; Radio Days; Diner; Eyes of Laura Mars; Cold Souls; Tin Men; An Unmarried Woman; Checking Out; A Night Full of Rain; 25 Hill; Future BMT: For Love or Money; ‘Til There Was You; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys, all for L.A. Law, which I suppose is probably why he ended up being cast, as the director also worked on that show. What the hell, there was an L.A. Law TV Movie in 2002. That is wild.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $45,610,410 (Worldwide: $45,610,410)

(Not that much less than the first. For a Kids’ film I think that is a win? I don’t know if there is the same expectations for Kids’ films as there would be for a comedy where you maybe think the home video can parlay the theatrical to a higher gross.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Uh a consensus: Somehow a film that flirts with a moral against excessive commercialization is a soulless commercial cash grab.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Sequel is even more banal than the original. And it’s difficult to take seriously the new film’s position against the commercialism of sports, given Disney’s NHL ties. – Lois Alter Mark, EW

Poster – B2: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(You can tell they know exactly what’s up by putting the craziest team in the whole film, Trinidad and Tabago, on the poster with their tie-dye shirts. This looks a little rough compared to the first. Or should I say rushed. C-)

Tagline(s) – The Puck Stops Here! (C+)

(I like the effort. Obviously much better than the first. But like… what does this mean?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

(Again, these are beloved films so the BMeTric will be muted. I wonder if we’ll ever actually watch all of the Madea films though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D2: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The Ducks who appeared in the first film but did not return for this one are: Dave Karp (Aaron Schwartz), Peter Mark (J.D. Daniels), Terry Hall (Jussie Smollett), Tammy Duncan (Jane Plank), and Tommy Duncan (Danny Tamberelli).

The scene after the first game with Iceland where Coach Bombay makes the team do sprints is based on Herb Brooks’ 1980 US Olympic team when they tied the Norwegian national team in an exhibition game. The team skated for about an hour even though the rink manager had turned the lights off.

Joss Ackland was apparently unavailable to reprise his role as Hans, and his position in the film was replaced by Jan Rubes as Jan, Hans’ brother. Hans’ non-appearance in the film was explained as him going back to Germany to visit his mother.

Maria Ellingsen, the actress who plays the Iceland trainer, was in fact born in Reykjavík, Iceland and taught the actors playing the Icelandic hockey team how to speak her native tongue.

Iceland’s uniforms are the same colors of the Hawks in The Mighty Ducks (1992).

The Mighty Ducks Preview

The Mighty Ducks (1992) – BMeTric: 16.3; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 5.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.3%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (22), Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (47), Cool World (58), Pet Sematary II (29), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (34), Toys (56), 3 Ninjas (60), Sleepwalkers (54), Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (42), Poison Ivy (37), Freejack (29), Evil Toons (19), Sidekicks (101), Aces: Iron Eagle III (54), Beethoven (18), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (44), Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (27), Dr. Giggles (14), Encino Man (59), and 31 more; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Freejack, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Innocent Blood; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Mo’ Money, and 16 more; Notes: Sidekicks is incredible. A League of Their Own, A River Runs Through It, and the somewhat odd film Hero are the only others which breaks the 100 plays from 1992. But Sidekicks?! Man, Chuck Norris had some juice! We’ve only seen 7 of those top 20 by BMeTric which is somewhat unimpressive. Quite surprising.

Leonard Maltin – 2 Stars – Harmless, cliched Disney yarn of self-centered yuppie lawyer Estevez who’s busted for drunk-driving, ordered to do community service, and assigned to coach a ragtag inner-city peewee hockey team. Guess what happens next. (Anaheim-based pro hockey team was formed by Disney in 1993 called … you guessed it.) Followed by D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, an animated series, and a TVM based on that series.

(Oh yeah, there was a movie based on the show. It has 700 votes on IMDb, so not exactly tearing it up. And bullshit, it isn’t even a real movie. It is just the first three episodes of the show! Maltin, you have to do better man.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um_JU7HpSYQ/

(Ha, the quality of this trailer is insane. I assume it was ripped off of a VHS. Even then … reducing it to 720x480ish it still is completely ridiculous looking. Oh the trailer? Looks fun as fuck.)

Directors – Stephen Herek – ( Known For: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Rock Star; Mr. Holland’s Opus; Critters; Our Little Secret; Afterlife of the Party; Dog Gone; The Chaperone; The Great Gilly Hopkins; Future BMT: 101 Dalmatians; The Three Musketeers; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Life or Something Like It; Man of the House; Holy Man; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Still directs. He was a producer and director on the MacGyver reboot, which seems to have kept him busy.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I don’t know how, but somehow he got hooked into the Sandler machine prior to Little Nicky in bit parts, and then wrote Little Nicky and has continued to act a bit in random Sandler films.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: Mostly directs now, and apparently is planning on directing a third Young Guns film? Not sure how that’s going to work.)

Joss Ackland – ( Known For: The Hunt for Red October; Lethal Weapon 2; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; K-19: The Widowmaker; Miracle on 34th Street; Watership Down; Flawless; The Three Musketeers; The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge; The House That Dripped Blood; Surviving Picasso; No Good Deed; A Zed & Two Noughts; Lady Jane; The Sicilian; Asylum; Firelight; The Thief and the Cobbler; The Little Prince; Mother’s Boys; Future BMT: Nowhere to Run; My Giant; A Kid in King Arthur’s Court; Once Upon a Crime…; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I randomly watched The Hunt for Red October and Lethal Weapon 2 pretty much back to back and I did a double take. He probably has the best villain in any Lethal Weapon film.)

Lane Smith – ( Known For: Network; My Cousin Vinny; Red Dawn; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Places in the Heart; Rooster Cogburn; Blue Collar; Prince of the City; Frances; Over the Edge; Prison; The Hi-Lo Country; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; Resurrection; The Last American Hero; Honeysuckle Rose; Between the Lines; Night Game; Purple Hearts; Weeds; Future BMT: Air America; Son in Law; The Distinguished Gentleman; The Scout; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Died in 2005. Apparently he sang songs on the Lois & Clark tv show in the 90s? Something tells me that is maybe a fake credit. There is no mention of this on Wikipedia. Maybe he just sang a song in the show or something.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $50,752,337 (Worldwide: $50,755,845)

(And that is how a phenomenon is born. Sigh, where have all the $10 million films gone. For real, look at this film … looks at how many actors are there. Half of them become like actually famous actors when they grow up. How do you make this for $10 million? The ice time alone!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (8/30): The Mighty Ducks has feel-good goals but only scores a penalty shot for predictability.

(Booooooooooooooooooooooo. This is a good movie. These days if this film was released people’s heads would explode. It would get like 90% on RT and top the Netflix charts.)

Reviewer Highlight: It must be said that this movie is sweet and innocent, and that at a certain level it might appeal to younger kids. I doubt if its ambitions reach much beyond that. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(They really cannot quit Goldberg. I don’t blame them. Chunky kids were my jam in kid’s comedy. Ham from The Sandlot. Larry from The Big Green. Zach from Son-in-law. I like the creativity with the poster. Very modern too. Extreme closeups are very common now. Font is nice with the speed streaks. I’m not in love with it, but I also don’t hate it. B-.)

Tagline(s) – He’s never coached. They’ve never won. Together they’ll learn everything about winning! (D)

(My word. No! Won and winning? You kidding?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

(Well yeah … because these are good films. We could have done an actual bad film for this, but what’s the fun in that? I think if I were to pick a franchise to smash here it would have been Karate Kid. The back two are genuine stinkers. Hot take: The second one sucks too, it is so dumb.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Jake Gyllenhaal, who was unknown at the time, auditioned for the role of Charlie Conway, but his parents wouldn’t let him do the movie so the producers ended up casting Joshua Jackson.

Before Emilio Estevez was offered and accepted the role of Gordon Bombay, Charlie Sheen, his brother, was offered the role, but turned it down.

Leonardo DiCaprio auditioned for the part of Charlie Conway but lost out to Joshua Jackson. In similar fashion, Juliette Lewis tried out for the part of Connie, but lost out to Marguerite Moreau.

The original premise of Mighty Ducks was much darker with very little comedy about an ex-NHL player turned alcoholic who seeks revenge on his old coach by coaching opposite him. The main idea stayed when Disney bought the rights to the movie, but some elements were changed (such as Bombay is now a lawyer, who never played in the NHL, who must do community service for a DUI), including much more emphasis on comedy and downplaying most of the adult themes.

Vincent LaRusso wasn’t given the role of Adam Banks initially, but later it was given to him when the child who originally played Banks became too difficult to work with.

The Strangers: Chapter 1 Recap

Jamie

What an interesting choice. I’ve become much more of a horror watcher as the years go on. I think part of it is that most of them are just about 90 minutes long. Really hits the sweet spot. So I do have a sense of the horror landscape. So if you were to tell me that a franchise (two films is still a franchise to Franchise Man) was looking to produce a trilogy to put their franchise-ness into hyperspeed and asked me who was the director of such a trilogy, I would immediately presume it was some up-and-comer. Some director who maybe had a low level hit on Shudder that had people wondering what their next project would be. If you said that I was wrong and that the director was in fact Renny Harlin of Cutthroat Island fame, I would say you were a lying liar who lies to me. As I said, what an interesting choice.

To recap, Maya and Ryan are two lovers just loving being lovers. But oh no! Maya is moving across the country and Ryan is a saddo! They stop in a small town to have lunch where some of the locals look at them creepy. But could it be more than that? Maybe, because suddenly their car is having engine trouble and a couple of the creepsters say it’s gonna be a while. The waitress recommends an Airbnb in the woods and soon they are loving being lovers in a lovely cabin in the woods. Ryan takes a motorcycle into town to get his inhaler and while away Maya is stalked by Dollface, Pin-up Girl and Masky or whatever. Ryan returns and says it was all a hallucination caused by smoking the reefer (tight) but soon they are both being attacked. Stranger! They evade and elude their tormentors and get a gun (he’s got a gun!) which they promptly use to kill the owner of the cabin by mistake. Oops! (Oh, and Stranger!) They try to take the dead guy’s truck but Masky smashes it up and Maya escapes into the woods and calls the police. Eventually they are both tracked down and brought back to the cabin where they are tortured. Ryan is killed and Maya is stabbed just for being there, but then the Strangers have to flee as the police are approaching. Ultimately, Maya survives. THE END (or is it? (You kidding?))

Ha! Now we’re talking. This movie sucks. I can’t believe they filmed a new trilogy concurrently. The second will definitely come out. That’s for sure. The third… I’m sensing the possibility of a straight-to-Shudder backroom deal. That’s if the trend continues. The trend of these movies totally sucking. It’s just a cheap version of the original with less interesting and more annoying main characters. They also jettisoned the drama aspect. Now The Strangers are like… part of a community that feeds people to The Strangers by luring them to a cabin? That’s terrible. At the very least when you have a franchise like this you have to double down on what people like. Like I see the structure as: a family or couple are having some drama, as a result they end up somewhere they usually wouldn’t be, The Strangers strike for no reason other than to kill! This breaks that. Kind of like that dumb Friday the 13th movie where some rando was the killer. Dumb.

Hot Take Clam Bake! What if… what if it isn’t just because Maya and Ryan were there. Yeah. What if Masky is Maya’s brother. He’s insane and mad because the family abandoned him in an asylum. Oh, and Dollface’s mask resembles Maya because she was a woman in the asylum with Masky and he forced her to play as her sister. Yeah, yeah! And she’s angry because she’s in love with Masky so she has to kill Maya to be with him. Yeah, hell yeah! And Pin-up Girl is Dollface’s sister who pretends to also hate Maya, but really is trying from the inside to save her sister from the Cult of Masky. She knows if she can kill Maya then maybe the spell will be broken. Lore! Lore, baby! Hot Take Temperature: Lore.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me in a totally spooky mask and creeping around the woods and … wait, is this a prequel or a remake of my other gif?* Let’s go!

The Good? Hmmmmmmmm … nothing? It is weird to say it, but it feels like they took the first two movies, jammed them together, declared it as “not a remake”, and then were flabbergasted that people didn’t accept this.

The Bad? This movie is like the first but worse because the main characters are somehow even more unappealing. And the movie is like the second but worse because the setting seems like it should be cool, but pales in comparison to the trailer park from the second. The fact that they trot out “The Man in the Mask” / “Scarecrow” and the two ladies in all three films as if I care about those characters specifically is nuts. The film is almost certainly better if they started to mix that up a bit. Am I going crazy or is it undoubtedly better if there are a bunch of masks and it is made clear this is some strange multi-state conspiracy to get away with mass murders or something? Why are these same characters in Oregon now? They were in Ohio before, and prior to that I assume somewhere else. Why are they wandering around? Again, the biggest condemnation of the franchise is that while I ask these questions I genuinely do not give a shit about the answer.

The BMT? Hell naw. We’ll see how the rest of the trilogy works out (the films do make money, I would be surprised if they don’t get all three out eventually), but like what I expect with The Purge series these are made for a particular type of fan and tend to be focused on kills and rarely end up being fun in a real capacity.

Heyooooo. The saga of the image batch processing with Google AI Studio is complete. Well, there is at least something that seems to work and is worth checking out on a larger scale. Ultimately, by placing the stub (e.g. tt0085750 for Jaws 3-D) at the top it avoids issues with the model trying to figure out the indexing:

There were no issues of throwing errors or missing out or shifting stubs or anything. So really, this should set up for a good test on something like the top 100 posters from a year. I guess stay tuned.

I’m going to give Crap Boyfriend (Who?) to this goober in the film, he could not possibly be a bigger sourpuss the entire time. A Setting as a Character (Where?) for Oregon. I do like the MacGuffin (Why?) as to the inhaler specifically which goes from vital to worthless several times during the film for no good reason. And Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that the main girl lived to the end, but is now going to be haunted by baghead or whatever. This film is Bad, it isn’t scary and in general, like the rest of the series, is dumb.

Read all about bags and junk I assume in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs