Chain Reaction – Page 2 – Bad Movie Twins

The Flintstones Recap

Jamie

What a combo. The Flintstones and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. I’ll save what sets Viva Rock Vegas (or TFiVRV as the kids call it) apart in BMT history, but The Flintstones is more just personal history. It came out at kind of the perfect time. Did I know what The Flintstones was as a kid? Somehow, yes. That and The Jetsons had maintained a presence in the culture far past the 60’s when it aired. I remember watching episodes on TV… that seems crazy now. I don’t even know what the equivalent would be. Maybe kids throwing on some 90210 or something? I don’t know, but when the movie came out it was a big thing. Do you want to know what the emotional feeling I connect with The Flintstones movie is? Sadness… that tells you something about where they might have erred. I just remember the plot being very sad.

To recap, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are best buds. They work at Slate & Co. together and when Barney needs some money so he and his wife Betty can adopt a child, there is no question he and Wilma will help out. Thus we get the whole gang together as Bamm-Bamm joins the fray and becomes best friends with Fred’s daughter Pebbles. Meanwhile at Slate & Co., Cliff Vandercave and his secretary Sharon Stone (nice) plan to swindle the company out of money, all they need is someone to pin it on. To find this person they hold an aptitude test for a promotion. Fred freezes with anxiety and Barney, feeling indebted to Fred, switches his test with Fred’s. Ultimately, Fred finds out he had the highest score (wait, what?!) and get the promotion. Unfortunately Barney gets fired for having the worst score. Soon things start to really fall apart. Barney moves in with them for the money, but the snobbiness of Fred with his newfound wealth grates on them. Meanwhile Fred, being a dope, does everything Sharon asks and soon has fired half the workforce. When confronted by Barney, and it being revealed that Barney switched the tests, everyone is at each other’s throats. Fred tries to reveal Cliff’s treachery but the crime is pinned on him. Obviously this leads to a hilarious scene where the fired workers catch Fred and Barney and try to lynch them (stop! My sides are splitting!). Fortunately Betty and Wilma arrive and Fred’s dictabird saves them. Cliff, aware of the dictabird, kidnaps the kids and offers an exchange. In the scuffle Fred and Barney inadvertently invent concrete and Cliff is killed (naturally). In the end they all get their jobs back and we return to status quo. THE END.

My memory of this was not incorrect. Barney switching the tests and then having his life fall apart is kinda sad (this was the thing I remembered the most). The crux of the plot being a scheme that results in Fred having to fire all of his friends is kinda sad. Barney and Betty becoming indebted to Fred because they need money to adopt a kid is kinda sad. Fred becoming the scapegoat and everyone chasing him and threatening to lynch him is quite literally the worst idea I’ve ever seen in a children’s movie. Who in the world thought that was a good idea. It makes me sad to think that no one stopped that from happening. Children are being kidnapped. People are being killed by having concrete poured on them. It’s all just saddo stuff for saddos. Anyway, besides all the decisions about what this film would be about, this film is hilariously gorgeous. It looks so good. Unbelievable set design and puppetry and costumes. A great big saddo beautiful mess of a movie. I love looking at this movie, just not watching it.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Is it wrong of me to kind of think that Barney still had the worst test and Fred had the best somehow? Evidence against: Fred literally freezes and we see that he thinks he did terribly. Evidence for: Barney is dumb. Evidence for: Why would the bad guys use an aptitude test to find the smartest person to then prop up as their scapegoat? Don’t they need the dumbest person so that he would not look closely at what they were up to? And wouldn’t they fire the smartest person to make sure he couldn’t get in the way? I don’t care if there is some explanation given for this in the film and I’ve just forgotten, I don’t buy it. So did Fred still get the highest score (because the rest of the employees are literal cavemen) and Barney, by switching the tests, inadvertently save the day? Hot Take Temperature: The Ice Age.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me sliding down a dinosaur’s back and screaming Yabba Dabba Do!* Let’s go!

I’m with Ebert on this one: The is a good movie. In a way you can tie this directly into the bizarre Altman Popeye and just shrug your shoulders and go “they don’t make them like they used to.” The casting is perfect, the sets are incredible, it really it what it used to be to go to the movies. This is a genuine good movie. Well …

The only bad thing is the story. It is like they took a wildly different movie and supplanted the story directly into a Flintstones cartoon. In a way that jives a bit with the often rather odd parodies of sitcoms / other television programs that things like Flintstones was. But really, wouldn’t the film have been better if it was all about Fred trying to learn how to be there for his friend going through a tough adoption after Fred, say, wins the lottery? You get essentially the same story without having to have a nuts B-story that kids don’t care about.

Good. This movie is good and it is a travesty that it will forever be in the records as a BMT film.

I’ve been messing around with Google AI Studio a bit. It’s fine, I’m mostly trying to work out the best way to use it to generate data sets of data that would be otherwise quite difficult to arduous to gather. For now that is focusing on posters. In the meantime I figured I might as well mess around and see what else could be interesting. Here is the result in asking it to guess at the plot based solely on the poster:

The movie likely centers around the everyday life and comedic adventures of the Flintstone and Rubble families in the prehistoric town of Bedrock. It suggests a lighthearted, family-oriented film where the characters will navigate typical domestic situations and humorous challenges while embracing the unique aspects of their stone-age environment. Given the prominence of the characters riding together in their stone-age car, there might be a road trip or adventure that takes them beyond their usual surroundings. The use of Fred’s catchphrase “Yabba-Dabba-Doo!” implies a feel-good narrative filled with silly situations and light-hearted fun. Overall, I’d expect a story that’s more about the characters and their relationships within a wacky and whimsical prehistoric setting than a complex or serious plot.

… I have no words as to how banal that is. But there is an interesting bit in all that slop: “[T]here might be a road trip or adventure that takes them beyond their usual surroundings.” Interesting and astute observation AI Slop Machine. This movie is not, in fact, a road trip film, but what an understandable mistake that could be. Possibly a question I could ask an AI would be something like “Based on this poster, do you think this film is a road trip film?” to generate well … off-kilter keywords I suppose. I’ll keep the AI analyses to a shorter section in the future.

I’m sure there was plenty of Product Placement in the film, but I’m going to highlight an incredible Movie Tie-In (What?) for the RocDonald’s tie-in which is still rather famous, mainly for the fact that for the movie McDonald’s reintroduced the McRib nationwide! Crazy. Obvious Fictional Setting as a Character (Where?) for the town of Bedrock. And sure, a Period Piece LOL (When?) for prehistory I suppose. There is a very weird MacGuffin (Why?) throughout the film where Fred is signing off on bogus spending authorizations in a very noir-ish story. I think this movie is a bonafide Good movie.

Read all about … cavemen? I don’t know. Read about something in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas Quiz

Well, I did kind of ask about a dinosaur in the last quiz. What are the chances I’ll ask about Las Vegas this time? Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot

1) The Song Viva Las Vegas was originally sung by Elvis, but is what his co-star in the film that sung the song on the soundtrack. Who was that actress?

2) Jane Krakowski is one of those people who seem like they are in a ton of random stuff. National Lampoon’s Vacation for example. She introduced a question about Viva Rock Vegas on an episode of Jeopardy! On that she was introduced as Jane Krakowski from BLANK. What television show fills in the blank?

3) Kristen Johnston plays Wilma in the movie. She won two Primetime Emmys for what television series?

4) We’ve almost completed the 2000 Razzie Worst Razzie slate. Battlefield Earth, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, and Little Nicky are three of the four other nominees. The fourth is a romantic comedy called The Next Best Thing starring which singer who is not unfamiliar with Worst Actress nominations?

5) We are now half way through Las Vegas films. The biggest outstanding one stars Elizabeth Berkley. What is that film?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Viva Rock Vegas couldn’t have played on television, but Viva Las Vegas could. It played at 10PM on August 13, 1992. You could have watched this BMT Friend earlier that night:

What is this film?

Answers

The Flintstones Quiz

What do you think the chances are I ask a question about dinosaurs in this quiz. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot

1) In the film there is a children’s playground called Jurassic Park. In the Lost World novel, the first sequel Crichton wrote, which character did Crichton “resurrect”, in reference to Sherlock Holmes, who had died in the original novel?

2) The best bit from the soundtrack is that the band The B-52s (as the BC-52s) perform the theme song. The B-52s are famously from Athens, GA, which is the same hometown as what other incredibly famous 80s/90s band?

3) I guess this could be a tough one. Elizabeth Taylor’s final theatrical performance is in The Flintstones as Wilma’s mother. She was famously married 8 times to 7 men. Besides Richard Burton can you name any of those men?

4) The Flintstones is famously a primetime animated sitcom, much like the Simpsons. After the Simpsons premiered to gangbuster ratings, other animated sitcoms followed. Can you name the one season wonder animated sitcom involving rodents who live under the White House? This is rather obscure.

5) John Goodman didn’t want to play Fred, but felt like he had to because otherwise the movie wouldn’t have been made. It was during a table read for what 1989 Spielberg film that Spielberg himself announced that he wanted Goodman to play Fred (much to Goodman’s chagrin)?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: The Flintstones had its primetime premiere on February 21st, 1997 (yeah, it must have been doing great home video sales to take over two years to premiere). Naturally, TMC brought out the big guns. Name this Kurt Russell classic:

Answers

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas Preview

“Sorry, I didn’t mean indecent. I meant impossible,” the theater owner says, correcting himself. “It’s just that I can’t possibly afford a showing of Cobra at my theater.” Patrick thinks for a moment, contemplating how long it might take to boost the profile of this small theater using the Bad Movie Twins bodacious brand. He looks back through the window of the restaurant where Jamie and Samantha are eating and observes that the make out session has progressed from ‘proper necking’ to ‘hot and heavy.’ He slams his fist into the table. “There just isn’t time,” he rasps through gritted teeth. “Maybe if you ask Sylvester Stallone nicely he’ll do you a solid,” Kyle suggests. Patrick scoffs. Sure he was a social acquaintance of Sly, but one didn’t just ask Sly politely for anything. “Or maybe a friend of a friend,” he adds. Patrick is about to double scoff directly in Kyle’s face, but suddenly has a thought. Unless it was one of the many very realistic daydreams he and Jamie have had recently, he’s pretty sure Kevin James was now one of their best friends. He checks his phone and he finds that KJ is indeed in his contacts (and not headless as a result of a well placed Twin Kick). Hooray! He speed dials the number and gets the man himself on the horn. After briefly confirming that they never kicked him in the head, he asks after Sly. KJ laughs, “That old dog? Did you know that he didn’t even have to show up to the set of Zookeeper but he insisted on wearing the Lion costume every day.” Patrick laughs. Classic Sly. “We’re actually doing a new film together. Why don’t you swing by the set sometime? You can check out Bedrock for yourself.” That’s right! We are finally doing it. The double dose of Flintstones action that is The Flintstones and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. There isn’t much more to say (other than yabba-dabba-do, I guess). Let’s go!

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000) – BMeTric: 82.0; Notability: 96

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.2%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2; Lower RT: Fortress 2: Re-Entry, 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Down to You, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Heavy Metal 2000, Dungeons & Dragons, Circus, The Skulls, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Watcher, Supernova, Boys and Girls, The Ladies Man, and 37 more; Notes: For BMeTric it is 8/10 watched and 14/20 which is quite good I think. The 10-20 films are weird though. Loser, Hanging Up, Lost Souls, The Next Best Thing? I literally cannot believe that Notability either … for The Flintstones sequel!

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 Stars – “The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas” has dinosaurs that lumber along crushing everything in their path. The movie’s screenplay works sort of the same way. Think of every possible pun involving stones, rocks and prehistoric times, and link them to a pea-brained story that creaks and groans on its laborious march through unspeakably obvious, labored and idiotic humor.

(Really close to the very rare 0 star film from Roger Ebert (which is a straight thumbs down). And yeah, compared to the first this one is ultra dumb and the first was effectively Shakespeare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu3zeVVu3ME/

(Oh wow, and then this one looks like absolute garbage. Fred and Barney are just the worse immediately. Only Betty is any good. Oh man, Gazoo looks horrifying.)

Directors – Brian Levant – ( Known For: Max 2: White House Hero; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Spy Next Door; Snow Dogs; BMT: Jingle All the Way; The Flintstones; Are We There Yet?; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Problem Child 2; Notes: I’m a little bowled over they got the same director back. Snow Dogs … that will be an 00s crown jewel once we get around to it.)

Writers – William Hanna and Joseph Barbera – ( Known For: The Man Called Flintstone; Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear; Tom and Jerry: Cowboy Up!; Tom and Jerry: Snowman’s Land; Future BMT: Tom and Jerry: The Movie; BMT: Tom & Jerry; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: They made all of the cartoons obviously back in the day. Amazingly, only one of their films played on television in the 90s at all since they didn’t get a credit on the first film. It was Tom & Jerry: The Movie which played exactly once, in 1996. I’m not sure I totally buy it, it maybe was just called Tom & Jerry places, but still a fun fact.)

Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont – ( Known For: Can’t Hardly Wait; Josie and the Pussycats; A Very Brady Sequel; Future BMT: Leap Year; Surviving Christmas; BMT: Made of Honor; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Oooo Can’t Hardly Wait. Honestly … not a super great movie, but only because there is a huge bit in the middle where he leaves the party and it really deflates things. Watched it on Criterion. Wild stuff.)

Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr. – ( Known For: Top Gun: Maverick; Top Gun; Turner & Hooch; Dick Tracy; The Secret of My Success; Legal Eagles; BMT: Anaconda; Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: All of their 80s/90s films played a ton on tv. Cash died in 2000 and Epps seemed to maybe retire afterwards. Their Anacondas 2 credit is for characters only.)

Actors – Mark Addy – ( Known For: Robin Hood; A Knight’s Tale; The Full Monty; Mary Poppins Returns; Downton Abbey; Barney’s Version; The Lost King; It’s a Wonderful Afterlife; Heartlands; Lies We Tell; The Runaways; Future BMT: The Time Machine; Jack Frost; Down to Earth; The Order; BMT: Around the World in 80 Days; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Remember when The Full Monty was just absolutely the hugest thing in the world … I guess it is again since they are doing some weird American TV special for whatever reason.)

Stephen Baldwin – ( Known For: The Usual Suspects; Born on the Fourth of July; Casualties of War; The Beast of War; Last Exit to Brooklyn; A Simple Twist of Fate; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Sky Kids; The Sex Monster; Homeboy; Xchange; Mercy; Magi; Shark in Venice; Fall Time; The Genius Club; I’m in Love with a Church Girl; Back to the Jurassic; Friends & Lovers; Six: The Mark Unleashed; Future BMT: Half Baked; Fred Claus; Threesome; Fled; 8 Seconds; Posse; BMT: Bio-Dome; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Alec apparently told him that going Bio-Dome would ruin his career. It really did. Went from Usual Suspects to Bio-Dome to … well, this I suppose.)

Kristen Johnston – ( Known For: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Music and Lyrics; Swiped; Vamps; Strangers with Candy; Life Happens; The Wedding Year; Lovesick; Finding Bliss; Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate; For the Love of George; Bad Parents; Small Town Wisconsin; Colin Fitz Lives!; Thrill Ride; BMT: Bride Wars; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Obviously huge on 3rd Rock From the Sun. She was Ivana Humpalot in the Austin Powers films. I didn’t recognize her with black hair, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out who she played.)

Budget/Gross – $83,000,000 / Domestic: $35,268,275 (Worldwide: $59,468,275)

(Oooooof. The budget was kind of unavoidable. You have to make giant sets and costumes and pay for the rights and everything. And then this just tanked. And they have never thought of a live-action version again. You think they’ll ever do The Jetsons.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (18/72): The prequel to the first full-length feature set in Bedrock, Viva Rock Vegas is a surprising improvement over The Flintstones. Aimed towards an audience of adults and children alike, critics feel Viva will appeal to a broad range of viewers.

(WHAT. A surprising improvement? AND IMPROVEMENT?! Ludicrous. You having a laugh?)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not delightful or funny or exciting, and for long stretches, it looks exactly like hapless actors standing in front of big rocks and reciting sitcom dialogue. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Flintsklogs in Viva Sklog Vegas

(Remember when I said I was a sucker for a drawn poster? This isn’t exactly what I meant. Still. It could be way worse than this if they had went for photos of the actors and the font is still good. The car, though… it’s tough. C+)

Tagline(s) – Get ready to rock! (D+)

(No. To generic. Too lame. Not into it.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), Chairman of the Board (1997), The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), The Mod Squad (1999), Lost in Space (1998), Sliver (1993), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), …

Best Options (Gothika): 67.1 The Flintstones (1994), 55.0 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 46.8 B*A*P*S (1997), 41.9 Black & White (1999), 41.0 Feeling Minnesota (1996), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 37.0 Girl 6 (1996), 35.2 The Fan (1996), 34.7 Father Hood (1993), 30.3 The Distinguished Gentleman (1992), 28.5 The Rich Man’s Wife (1996), 26.7 The Pagemaster (1994), 26.4 Race the Sun (1996), 24.9 A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994), 22.9 Nick of Time (1995), 21.9 Screamers (1995), 20.2 Strictly Business (1991), 16.6 U.S. Marshals (1998), 14.7 The Bone Collector (1999)

(We watched this as a BONUS because we were going through Halle Berry. I’ve actually already seen the Bone Collector. It is incredibly silly … and I kind of want to read the books. I’m sure they are equally ludicrous.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alan Cumming is No. 7 billed in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas and No. 4 billed in Get Carter, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (7 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 20. If we were to watch The Sin Eater, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Although he died eleven years prior to this movie’s release, Mel Blanc received credit for the voice of Baby Dino. The voice was re-used from The Flintstones (1960).

Harvey Korman (Colonel Slaghoople) was the original voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones (1960).

The creators of the original animated series, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera, can be seen briefly during the wedding scene at the end of this movie. There’s one quick shot of the two of them together singing along to the Flintstones theme song.

The producers opted for the prequel approach in this second movie mainly due to John Goodman’s refusal to reprise his role as Fred Flintstone.

On the shelf in Betty O’Shale’s (Jane Krakowski’s) kitchen is a box of Post Fruity Pebbles, a real-life breakfast cereal derived from the original animated series.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Stephen Baldwin)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Joan Collins)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

The Flintstones Preview

The Flintstones (1994) – BMeTric: 67.1; Notability: 105

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.2%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (52), Street Fighter (6), Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (10), Junior (2), The Next Karate Kid (89), It’s Pat: The Movie (13), Double Dragon (11), On Deadly Ground (36); Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (52), It’s Pat: The Movie (13), Death Wish: The Face of Death (31), Wagons East (9), The Silence of the Hams (11), House Party 3 (24), Car 54, Where Are You? (71), Holy Matrimony (61), Getting Even with Dad (52), A Low Down Dirty Shame (49), Major League II (66), Exit to Eden (38), Lightning Jack (58), Leprechaun 2 (9), The Next Karate Kid (89), Trial by Jury (38), Blank Check (50), Intersection (28), The Specialist (33), Trapped in Paradise (47), and 39 more; Notes: I filled in all the counts in parenthesis in this one. The Flintstones, much like a lot of big films in the late 90s, seemed to resist showing too much on television. Only twice in 1997 and once in 1999. You can see with the higher BMeT films that the bigger ones (Street Fighter, Junior) counter-intuitively played fewer times on television. Top Notability though, that’s sweet. FYI I’m not going to fill in the counts for all of them, too much work, but fun still.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – If “The Flintstones” had been able to devise a story as interesting as its production values, it would have been some kind of wonderful. This is a great-looking movie, a triumph of set design and special effects, creating a fantasy world halfway between suburbia and a prehistoric cartoon. The frame is filled with delightful and inventive notions, all based on the idea that modern America might somehow be reconstructed out of rocks. Just watching it is fun. … Maybe kids just plain won’t mind; they’ll disregard the story and enjoy the stone age gags. But “The Flintstones” does so well with the hard part of creating its world that it’s a shame the earlier part – putting a story into it – doesn’t measure up.

(I can tell you … I didn’t give a shit when I was a kid. This movie was fucking dope. I still can’t believe it is considered a bad movie.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-uN0rHF7Ig/

(Jeez, Moranis and Goodman are so good. I really hate the bait and switch at the beginning, but my god this looks incredible. People must have been like shit we can just make cartoons now.)

Directors – Brian Levant – ( Known For: Max 2: White House Hero; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Spy Next Door; Snow Dogs; BMT: Jingle All the Way; The Flintstones; Are We There Yet?; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Problem Child 2; Notes: Kind of incredible that Jingle All the Way was I think by far his biggest film. He was doing something right. We need to smash out all of the Beethoven films at some point … well, maybe not all of them.)

Writers – Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein – ( Known For: Stay Tuned; Future BMT: Richie Rich; Major League II; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Flintstones; Notes: Wait … we are watching two of their films in this cycle alone? That’s nuts. Getting Even with Dad, Richie Rich, and Major League II both came out in ‘94 and were huge cable hits. Crazy.)

Steven E. de Souza – ( Known For: Die Hard; Die Hard 2; Commando; The Running Man; 48 Hrs.; Ricochet; Blast; The Return of Captain Invincible; Future BMT: Street Fighter; Bad Dreams; BMT: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life; Judge Dredd; Beverly Hills Cop III; The Flintstones; Hudson Hawk; Another 48 Hrs.; Knock Off; Notes: It is incredible we are almost done with this filmography. As a matter of fact … I just have to watch Blast, Bad Dreams, and The Return of Captain Invincible to seemingly finish off his filmography personally. That’s crazy.)

Actors – John Goodman – ( Known For: Monsters, Inc.; The Big Lebowski; Argo; Cars; Monsters University; Flight; 10 Cloverfield Lane; Kong: Skull Island; O Brother, Where Art Thou?; The Artist; The Emperor’s New Groove; Atomic Blonde; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Bee Movie; The Princess and the Frog; Inside Llewyn Davis; Raising Arizona; The Campaign; Barton Fink; Patriots Day; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; The Internship; Evan Almighty; The Monuments Men; Coyote Ugly; Death Sentence; One Night at McCool’s; Dirty Work; Love the Coopers; The Jungle Book 2; King Ralph; We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story; Ratchet & Clank; The Survivors; Burglar; Born Yesterday; Stella; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; Transformers: The Last Knight; The Flintstones; Confessions of a Shopaholic; Notes: Guess which one of his many films played the most on television in the 90s? That’s right, let’s say it together … Born Yesterday? Huh. Literally the second least popular available BMT qualifier for him, but played over 90 times in the 90s. That’s patently insane.)

Rick Moranis – ( Known For: Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters II; Spaceballs; Honey, I Shrunk the Kids; Little Shop of Horrors; Parenthood; Honey, I Blew Up the Kid; L.A. Story; Little Giants; Streets of Fire; My Blue Heaven; Strange Brew; The Wild Life; Howard; Future BMT: Brother Bear; Brewster’s Millions; Club Paradise; Big Bully; Splitting Heirs; Head Office; BMT: The Flintstones; Notes: It is insane that Ghostbusters II played over 200 times on television in the 90s. Moranis is such an incredible 90s actor. If his films played on different days each time then over 30% of the dates in the 90s would have a Moranis film playing. What?!)

Rosie O’Donnell – ( Known For: Tarzan; Sleepless in Seattle; Pitch Perfect 2; A League of Their Own; Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Beautiful Girls; A Very Brady Sequel; Harriet the Spy; Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey; Wide Awake; I’ll Do Anything; I’m Going to Tell You a Secret; Teenage Paparazzo; The Undefeated; The Twilight of the Golds; Everything Is Copy; Being Mary Tyler Moore; ShowBusiness: The Road to Broadway; Future BMT: Another Stakeout; BMT: The Flintstones; Now and Then; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Fatal Instinct; Exit to Eden; Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: She gets a bunch of plays on television in supporting roles … but the weirdest one is The Twilight of the Golds. I think I even brought this one up before, it is about a debate a family has about an unborn child which genetic will be born gay. Like WHAT?!)

Budget/Gross – $46,000,000 / Domestic: $130,531,208 (Worldwide: $341,631,208)

(Holy shit, that is a lot of money. Not surprising. The film is genuinely good and everyone else was dumb and wrong at the time.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (11/48): The Flintstones wastes beloved source material and imaginative production design on a tepid script that plunks Bedrock’s favorite family into a cynical story awash with lame puns.

(Fine, alright … yeah, it is kind of a waste. They aren’t wrong about that. But man, imagine the sequel we could have gotten with the original awesome cast? Phew.)

Reviewer Highlight: Mostly rock jokes stretched to feature length – New York Times listing

Poster – The Flintsklogs

(There is a lot going on in this poster, but I am a sucker for a classic drawn poster. Like look at that detail! It’s pretty great. Nice font. The only thing I’d do is 86 the bird. It’s too much. Keep it to the main characters. A-)

Tagline(s) – Yabba-Dabba-Doo! (C)

(That’s a fastball right down the middle. Can’t blame them. Can’t reward them.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

(Wowza. Amazing it is the best option because we really started to have our hands tied going back in time and then jumping back up to a 2024 film. But yeah, this was a blockbuster (in the BMT sense))

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Elizabeth Perkins is No. 2 billed in The Flintstones and No. 4 billed in The Ring Two, which also stars Naomi Watts (No. 1 billed) who is in Diana (No. 1 billed) which also stars Naveen Andrews (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 4 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 2) = 17. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – Danny DeVito was Steven Spielberg ‘s first choice for the part of Barney. DeVito felt his acting style was too gruff to properly portray Barney, and turned the part down. Subsequently, DeVito recommended Rick Moranis for the part.

Since the entire cast performed barefoot, glassware was banned from the set to prevent injuries.

The appearance of the Flintstones’ sabre-toothed cat marks one of the first times for a furry CG character in a feature film. A specific, complex algorithm (for its time) had to be developed to calculate the movement of every single hair of the fur.

On Dame Elizabeth Taylor’s first day onset, she was greeted with 30 bouquets of flowers, a Cartier watch, a prehistoric bowling ball with her name engraved on it and a bottle of her Passion perfume, redesigned in Bedrock-style fashion. The same bottle appears in the film.

Mel Blanc receives a credit for the voice of Dino five years after his death. The dialogue is taken directly from The Flintstones (1960).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (Bruce Cohen)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Rosie O’Donnell)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Elizabeth Taylor)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Tom S. Parker, Jim Jennewein, Steven E. de Souza, Al Aidekman, Kate Barker, Cindy Begel, Ruth Bennett, Bruce Cohen, Robert Conte, Rob Dames, Lon Diamond, Michael J. Di Gaetano, Fred Fox Jr., Lloyd Garver, Daniel Goldin, Joshua Goldin, Richard Gurman, Jason Hoffs, Brian Levant, Babaloo Mandel, Mitch Markowitz, Ron Osborn, Jeff Reno, David Richardson, Leonard Ripps, Gary Ross, Dava Savel, David Silverman, Nancy Steen, Stephen Sustarsic, Roy Teicher, Neil Thompson, Michael G. Wilson, Peter Wortmann)

Gothika Recap

Jamie

Having now watched Gothika, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve seen this movie. The twist is kind of obvious so maybe that’s what I’m feeling. That I could so distinctly see where the story was going that I ended up concluding that I must have seen it before. Either that or there was a different BMT film so similar in its concept and twist that I ended up mistaking having watched that for Gothika. Yeah, that’s probably it… and yet. Every time I turn around I feel like Gothika was just there… watching me… biding its time. Waiting for the perfect moment. Ready to pop out and make me feel like I’ve seen a different movie… a future movie. It’s a never ending daisy chain of movies that I think I’ve seen because of the spooky-scariness of their generic plots and twists. Eerie.

To recap, Halle Berry is a psychiatrist at a women’s prison for those with psychiatric needs. She’s married to the head of the institution. One night during a storm she ends up almost hitting a girl in the street, but when she gets out to help she finds that that girl is on fire (and a gh-gh-ghost). Suddenly she wakes up to find that she’s confined to the jail because her husband was brutally murdered and literally everything points to her doing it (mostly because she did). Pretty much everyone, including her husband’s best friend Sheriff Ryan, is super pissed at her because what she did was, like… pretty uncool. Or was it? Because this ghost lady keeps coming back and letting her out of her cell and having her witness some guy brutally raping the women in the jail. So this ghost suddenly doesn’t seem so bad. The ghost helps her escape and Halle Berry heads back home where she regains her memory and remembers… committing the murder. Alright, that’s not great. Carefully considering how not great that is, Halle Berry then heads to a previously unmentioned creepy farmhouse that her husband owns to get more answers. I’m sure she won’t find anything unusual there… except maybe a dungeon! And a girl is still down there! She’s like “see, so I get to go free right?” and everyone else is like “what? No. You still murdered someone.” Back at the local jail she suddenly realizes that Sheriff Ryan has far too large a part in the film to just be a Sheriff and that he must have been in on it the whole time and was actually the guy brutally raping the women in jail! Oh no! Eventually Halle Berry subdues him and Halle Berry is set free for some reason and then becomes a ghost detective (only half joking). THE END.

Gothika is bad in a very traditional “We’re trying to make the next Sixth Sense” kind of way. Just misguided twists that end up compounding on each other, across space and time and other movies to the point where I feel like I’ve already watched the film… a movie with an objectively ridiculous plot is like “ho hum, obviously.” I liked the acting and I thought the atmosphere was good, but not much else. One thing that has really been bugging me is the sense that I’m not just recalling a similar movie, but that a specific aspect of the plot of Gothika was used before. So Halle Berry murders her husband, right? No doubt about it, she cuts him up with an ax. And then she’s like “not me, don’t remember.” Later she uncovers the fact that he’s a serial murderer, something she never at any point had knowledge of… and then they let her go. So I can murder someone and cross my fingers and hope they are a serial killer and then I’m all good? But also… I’ve seen this before. This exact same thing. What is it? It’s killing me.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’ve seen this before. That’s my hot take. That I’ve seen this plot twist before in some procedural TV show or something. Where part way through the plot they realize that the guy killed was a serial killer and then everyone is cool with his murder. It’s not even a hot take. It’s a warm take. Because I’m like 60% sure I’ve seen this before… Right? It’s killing me. Hot Take Temperature: That Girl is on Fire

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Gothika? More like Gothikan’t! AMIRITE?! It’s a classic for a reason. Let’s go!

There is something about this cycle because these are all films I remember seeing commercials for when I was in high school, and they must have lodged themselves deep in my future-bad-movie brain because Gothika (of all things) has always been on my radar. Partly why we’ve not seen a lot of these is because horror films are spooky scary. If I were to put a comp on this I would go with Stir of Echoes. The kind of grungy, set-piece laden, am-I-going-insane film which I took one look at when I was in my teens and was like NOPE. But now with an adult brain (and a lot of horror films in my past) there is obviously no way I was going to be scared by this.

And yeah, of course I wasn’t. And yeah, what was up with thrillers / horror in this era? Was it a holdover from Silence of the Lambs? Why are so many films from the 1999-2004 time so gross? The aforementioned Stir of Echoes? Gross. This? Gross. Hostel and the Saw films are coming around the corner.

Because yeah, if you didn’t know, this film has a weirdly obvious twist. Obviously, Halle Berry was possessed, and so yeah, she killed her husband, but she was possessed by a ghost at the time. So yeah, people think she’s insane. But ah, of course, obviously it turns out her husband is a horrible serial killing rapist! That makes sense. It also makes sense that he oversees what appears to be an insane asylum from the Batman cartoons. One would guess that is intentional … the film is called Gothika, and Batman is Gothic in general, so yeah they are effectively chilling in a technologically advanced Arkham.

Overall the film is obvious, not scary, and unpleasant stuff. Why Berry thought this and Catwoman made sense as follow-ups to Monster’s Ball is nuts. If not for X-Men, her 2000s would be winning an Oscar for Monster’s Ball and then like seven terrible films. In context it is really amazing she snagged an Oscar.

Oh yeah, I didn’t like this film though. Gross, boring, not scary. I can see why it got really dire reviews.

An odd Setting as a Character (Where?) for Connecticut, which I do specifically seem to recall being noted in the film. Really bad Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that yeah she killed Charles Dutton, and she hopes he burns in hell. The film is Bad, too boring to be an interesting BMT.

Read about my new book series based on the Gothika property in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Gothika Quiz

I’m going to try something a little different. This is a true blue trivia quiz, but with facts you might want to learn after watching Gothika. Some will be about film, but some will be about just general stuff I gleaned from perusing the Gothika wiki page for a big. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) On the soundtrack of Gothika the song Behind Blue Eyes is, in actuality, the cover version recorded by Limp Bizkit. Yeah … it hit number 11 on the Billboard Mainstream Rock chart. Gross. Who performed the original version of Behind Blue Eyes?

2) Produced by Dark Castle Entertainment (a division of Warner Bros.), Gothika was the fourth feature film produced by the new studio (and only the second co-produced with Sony). The other co-production was also a BMT film starring Tony Shalhoub, Shannon Elizabeth, and Matthew Lillard with a similar gothic vibe. What was that BMT classic?

3) Gothika is somewhat notable as the first major feature film Robert Downey Jr. booked after his second stint in court ordered rehab. So bad was his reputation productions would withhold part of his salary (40% in the case of Gothika) as part of the bonding. RDJ’s first Oscar nomination was for Chaplin, and he recently won for Oppenheimer, but he was also nominated as a Supporting Actor for a 2008 film. Which film?

4) In Gothika, the eeeeeeeeevil murderer that Miranda glimpses in a dream has a tattoo of the Anima Sola on his chest, meaning Lonely Soul. The image depicts a soul in what location? Outlined at the Second Council of Lyon and the Council of Trent, its existence is one of the major disputes between different sects of Christianity.

5) Now you might think Gothika is a sequel to the film Gothic from 1986. It is not. That film is about a visit by Mary Shelley to an estate on Lake Geneva where two major monsters of both literature and film, Frankenstein’s monster and the vampire, were created. Who’s estate was that?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Gothic (1986) played a bunch on TV in the 90s. On October 22, 1993 it didn’t quite go head to head with primetime Showtime, but it did overlap with this listing:

What is this movie?

Answers

Gothika Preview

Weeks later they were still the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris, but Jamie’s hearing hadn’t improved. In fact things had been going pretty poorly. First he found that all his jorts had holes in them. Then when he took them to the jorts repair shop he found that his credit cards had been declined because he had misread his jorts budget for last month and spent 10x what had been allocated. Then when he tried to sell some of his excess jorts he found that Kyle had been using them to model his latest mannequin technology and ruined their resale value. “They have to be mint,” Jamie told him, seething. Kyle tries to apologize but that just gets an angry, “Don’t you remember? I cannot hear,” from Jamie, screamed at the loudest possible volume. At this rate Jamie would never get Samantha back as he was increasingly unpleasant to be around and smelled of a hog farm. This needed to be fixed and fast. Patrick scours the local public library, pouring through volume after volume of hog farming history. Panic rises in his throat as he reads the bizarre and tragic stories of all the former number one hog farmers in Grand Paris. That is until he hits the year 1843 when suddenly it appears that the top hog farmer was finishing up an unprecedented 35 year run at number one. “Monsieur Planchet,” he murmurs, prompting a sharp gasp to his left. When he wheels around he finds one of the assistant librarians standing there, a look of shock on her face. “Do you know him?” Patrick asks desperately. The librarian turns to flee, but the look on Patrick’s face makes her hesitate. Finally she says softly, “Oui, it all started in a small town… Gothika.” That’s right! We are watching Gothika, a film probably most notable for not being Catwoman. In the sense that it came out after Monster’s Ball but before Catwoman and yet everyone has associated Halle Berry’s post-Oscar swoon with Catwoman instead. Let’s go!

Gothika (2003) – BMeTric: 40.4; Notability: 49

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.2%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.8%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, The Cat in the Hat, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, The Foreigner, Darkness Falls, Biker Boyz, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Haunted Mansion, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, The Order, Hollywood Homicide, and 23 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Brother Bear, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Core, The Cat in the Hat, The Haunted Mansion, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Agent Cody Banks, Tears of the Sun, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Beyond Borders, Dreamcatcher, Duplex, and 17 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, Kangaroo Jack, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls, A Man Apart, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 6 more; Notes: Aw, one away from the 50+ Notability. We’ve only seen 8 of the top 20 BMeT which is a surprise. Six of the top ten though. Six of the top 20 RT as well.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The sainted Pauline Kael taught us: The movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we might as well stop going. I don’t know if she would have defined “Gothika” as great trash, but in trash as in art there is no accounting for taste, and reader, I cherished this movie in all of its lurid glory.

(I love this review. This must have been right when Ebert was like fuck it I like what I like, this is good for what it is! He ain’t wrong, even though it is slowly destroying BMT.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STxbF5tl5T0/

(I distinctly remember this trailer at the time. Not least of which because Halle Berry had just won the Oscar for Best Actress. Should I finally watch Monster’s Ball? Maybe. Decent trailer though, like quite high intensity and people love supernatural series killer stuff.)

Directors – Mathieu Kassovitz – ( Known For: La haine; The Crimson Rivers; Rebellion; Assassin(s); Café au lait; BMT: Gothika; Babylon A.D.; Notes: He’s French which makes sense with Babylon A.D. Still acts, but his directing career seems to have ended.)

Writers – Sebastian Gutierrez – ( Known For: Snakes on a Plane; The Big Bounce; Rise: Blood Hunter; Elizabeth Harvest; Elektra Luxx; Women in Trouble; Girl Walks Into a Bar; Judas Kiss; Hotel Noir; Future BMT: The Eye; BMT: Gothika; Notes: Him having written this and The Eye is classic. Snakes on a Plane … never before or since have I been more disappointed in a film than that one.)

Actors – Halle Berry – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; X2: X-Men United; X-Men: The Last Stand; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; Cloud Atlas; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Die Another Day; Robots; The Call; The Last Boy Scout; Monster’s Ball; Executive Decision; Boomerang; Things We Lost in the Fire; Bulworth; Jungle Fever; Bruised; The Program; CB4; Future BMT: The Flintstones; Kidnap; Girl 6; B*A*P*S; The Rich Man’s Wife; Father Hood; Race the Sun; Strictly Business; BMT: Swordfish; Catwoman; Gothika; Movie 43; Moonfall; New Year’s Eve; Perfect Stranger; Notes: Won an Oscar (famously the first black woman to win Best Actress) for Monster’s Ball. Also famously was in Catwoman the same year.)

Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Ferrari; Broken Embraces; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Gothika; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Also won an Oscar, for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Nominated for three more (including Nine which is weird). Married to Javier Bardem.)

Robert Downey Jr. – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Oppenheimer; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Sherlock Holmes; Zodiac; The Incredible Hulk; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Tropic Thunder; Natural Born Killers; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Chef; The Judge; A Scanner Darkly; Future BMT: Due Date; U.S. Marshals; Air America; Lucky You; The Shaggy Dog; In Dreams; Johnny Be Good; Black & White; Tuff Turf; Firstborn; BMT: Gothika; Dolittle; Notes: Also just won an Oscar for Oppenheimer, nominated for two others (Tropic Thunder and Chaplin). The rare top three Oscar winners here. Do yourself a favor and watch The Judge, it is demented what he was planning to try and win an Oscar after Marvel started to wrap up.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $59,694,580 (Worldwide: $141,591,324)

(My god, that’s a good amount of money. How did that happen? That’s a nuts amount of money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (25/168): Berry’s acting talents can’t save Gothika from its preposterous plot and bad dialogue.

(Preposterous?! Sign me up. That is so low, but for some reason I thought it was lower haha.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is a thoroughly synthetic confection, compounded of cliches drawn from a half-dozen genres and subgenres that for a while might almost persuade its audience, as it apparently convinced its makers, that it is something more. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Mothrika

(Tight. And I’m not even being ironic. Look at the font. Look at the blue. Look at the highlighting of the star while also being at least interesting. Look at all the… uh… rain I guess. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone. (C-)

(Wake me up when the tagline is done. Little bit of a spoiler alert too. Obviously we can assume we are dealing with something supernatural, but this make it pretty clear it’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (G-Force): 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.1 Racing Stripes (2005), 47.9 Man of the House (2005), 47.2 The Hot Chick (2002), 46.5 Slackers (2002), 46.1 Monster-in-Law (2005), 46.0 RV (2006), 43.6 Head of State (2003), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 43.0 Woman on Top (2000), 42.4 Domestic Disturbance (2001), 42.1 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 40.7 Mr. Deeds (2002), 40.6 The Break-Up (2006), 40.4 Gothika (2003), 40.3 Bubble Boy (2001), 36.0 Domino (2005), 32.9 Reno 911!: Miami (2007), 32.7 Let’s Go to Prison (2006), 32.5 All the Pretty Horses (2000), 31.9 A Man Apart (2003), 30.2 Sahara (2005), 29.7 Windtalkers (2002), 29.1 28 Days (2000), 29.0 15 Minutes (2001), 27.6 Next (2007), 27.5 Fun with Dick and Jane (2005), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 23.8 Elizabethtown (2005), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.9 The Longest Yard (2005), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.4 National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007), 16.7 8MM (1999), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 14.3 Hot Rod (2007), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 5.4 Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

(Right in the middle. The Chain is always weird because you have to connect forward. So sure, I would want to watch The Bachelor, but then … where would we go from there. There’s only so much Chris O’Donnell films to watch.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles S. Dutton is No. 3 billed in Gothika and No. 3 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Downey Jr. broke Halle Berry’s arm during the hospital interrogation scene. Downey was supposed to grab Berry’s arm and twist, but twisted too hard and her arm snapped. Production was halted for eight weeks.

The scene in the pool was not scripted, but was added as a suspense sequence by director Mathieu Kassovitz.

Robert Downey Jr. and producer Susan Downey first met on the set and fell in love. They got married in August 27, 2005 and later started their production company Team Downey.

The title of the film, Gothika (can also be spelled gothica), is an unofficial term used to describe a form of purgatorial state of mind, a situation in which someone sees or feels things that no one else does, and those who don’t think those who can, are crazy. They simply have a connection to the supernatural world.

Although it was not the first Dark Castle Entertainment horror film to be critically panned, and wasn’t the last. It was the first, however, and still is, the highest grossing film to be released from the production company with a $141 million gross against a $40 million budget.

G-Force Recap

Jamie

Sometimes I like to take a little trip down memory lane in our patented BMTime Machine to remind myself of where we came from. When we first started we didn’t even have cycles. We just watched movies that were being done on a podcast. Then we moved on to mostly watching things we could get through Netflix… the DVD delivery company. Eventually we were like wait a second… rulez are coolz and we began to go through cycles which morphed over time into a standard set of genres and a Stallonian Calendar to incorporate in theater viewing. Now we have a story that ties all the cycles together. Like reverse entropy we have sought order in a BMTverse of disorder. What is lost in all this is that at one point one of the regular genres we had in our cycles was Kids films. That is until we said, “why are we doing this to ourselves?” and stopped. But every once in a while…

To recap, [Jamie exhales an extended sigh and follows that with a contemplative look. Rain streaks down the window pane. Jamie sighs again recalling all the moments in his life he would never get back. He smiles slightly. Many of these moments were good. Moments spent with loved ones. Moments spent thinking deeply about work… love… art. But some moments. Some moments…] THE END. JK. This is a film about a bunch of secret agent guinea pigs (and a mole (and a fly)) who have been created by Zach Galifianakis. He’s worried that the US government is going to shut the program down because he’s spending millions on sciencing up these animals without much to show for it… until now. They decide to go in and get the details on the dastardly plot of a tech corporation called Saber. This goes swimmingly and they find a plan to weaponize appliances across the world secretly installed on Saber’s computer chips. Unfortunately when they show the chip to the G-men coming to shut them down the plan is nowhere to be seen. Before the government can take them into custody they escape in a delivery truck that happens to go directly to a pet store. Hilarity ensues… and by that I mean that the mole is killed trying to escape and two of the GPigs (as the kids call them) are sold off rambunctious kids. Our hero GPig, Darwin, goes after the others and with the help of an untrained GPig from the store are able to get the others in hand and make their way back to Saber to infect the mainframe and stop the plan. There they find that the head of the company is totally unaware of the plan. Instead it was their own mole who was a mole in the corporation and set the whole thing up. He wasn’t dead at all! Saboteur! They all do battle and eventually the mole sees the error of his ways and the plan is stopped. The government is grateful and they all become official agents. Hooray. THE END.

Ugh. Really, ugh. I sometimes forget what it’s like to watch an adult movie (not that kind… I mean like I Don’t Know How She Does It) compared to something like G-Force. IDKHSDI looks like Hamlet in comparison. G-Force is like something made for a sales pitch for cheap television shows. It seriously looks like they took the real actors and stuck them in front of a camera in extreme closeup and had them say a bunch of lines so they could just throw them in wherever they needed between scenes of fake animals skateboarding or whatever. Everything in this is complete nonsense… although… the company that made it obviously knew what they were doing. Their passion was talking animals and boy did they know how to make some CGI animals. Anyway, I watched this on a plane when I could have been sleeping. What a shame.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This isn’t even a hot take. It’s the cold hard truth. The ending to this film was changed. The mole has faked his death and then is revealed to be… the mole. We see him all evil and shit talking about evil stuff. Suddenly, in the middle of battling our heroes he has a change of heart. But go back and watch the end… the rest of the fight the CGI mole is still attempting to stop the heroes from saving the day. Why? Because they realized they couldn’t kill an animal onscreen in a children’s movie. Apparently they only realized this after it was too late and they had to try to obscure the truth by flash and trickery. Cowards! I want justice. Release the Murder Cut of G-Force! Hot Take Temperature: The snowy peaks of the Andes Mountains.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a kids’ film?! But … we never talk about kids’ films. Why are we watching a bad kids’ film? Let’s go!

This movie is weird. Like … it is weird that it is even partially live action. I do have theories about this … do I go into that now? Probably.

So here’s my theory (which I think is supported by some of the other information you can find online). The director of the film was effectively pioneering a method to cheaply create live-action / CGI hybrid video so that eventually they could do television and stuff. So a lot of the film is created out of just tons of B-roll which then, whenever they needed, they would insert the CGI guinea pigs. But then the budget ballooned after Disney took over and started monkeying around and ultimately they were blamed for it and the company didn’t go anywhere. Basically my theory was this was a real Jimmy Neutron situation (where they actually did parlay their movie into, if I recall, a cheaply made but decent looking CGI television show), but in the end it wasn’t successful because it ended up just being a modest success and expensive instead of cheap.

As for the film: dumb. The voice acting is dumb, and there is a sexy guinea pig, and overall it is just no bueno.

That being said, I was surprised at how well put together some of it was in the first half. Like, it looked shockingly good.

But you could see the seams at times. Specifically, there is a moment where they claim they navigated by the stars, but the characters appeared to have only traveled during the day. Clearly there was originally a big part in the middle involving a nighttime scene they either didn’t get to, cut, or overlooked. It is stuff like that where you are like … oh yeah, this film is kind of barely there.

Did I say the voice acting is dumb? Mostly just people using their own voices, and then a few who went really over the top (Nic Cage? Doing such an odd voice as to be almost unrecognizable … so much so I wondered if he just hired a proxy voice actor to do the entire thing and banked the difference as naming rights).

You know what? I’m going to toss out the fat farting guinea pig voiced by Favreau as a Planchet (Who?) and you can’t stop me. Naturally there is a solid MacGuffin (Why?) for the PDA / virus that the G-Force is going after in the beginning and throughout the film. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate conclusion that obviously Nic Cage as the star-nosed mole was the bad guy all along. This movie, like nearly all bad kids’ films, is just boring and bad

Read about my sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs.

G-Force Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I made a race of super-genius guinea pigs and now everyone is totally mad at me! Abominations, they say. You’ve doomed humanity, they say. Whatever. Although … they did bonk me on the head and steal all my lab equipment, which bodes poorly I think. Regardless, I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in G-Force?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The film opens with a mission meant to prove themselves at the estate of Leonard Saber. What are they lookin for? What did they get?

2) They have to escape being decomissioned via a pet store truck. How do they then escape the completely inescapable pet store cage?

3) After briefly getting distracted by cake, Hurley and Darwin see just what they are looking for, a coffee machine! How do they destroy it and how do they get it back to the lab?

4) Ultimately how do they defeat Clusterstorm?

5) Who is Mr. Yanshu?

Bonus Question: ooooooooh, a call from my agent. What does he want?

Answers