Category: Horror/Thriller

Prom Night (2008) Preview

Kyle creeps down the darkened stairs, his flashlight flickering. “Damn prison batteries,” he mutters, his breath starting to puff out in front of him. It’s cold down there… too cold. He can feel the presence of the Big BM. “Hey you… you big dummy. Let go of my friends!” He yells, trying to summon all his courage. A deep scratchy laugh begins to echo from further in the basement, like the laugh of a very large man with a sore throat. Perhaps the man had spent the previous day in meetings trying to figure out a high profile merger or trying to close a deal to buy a local amusement park. Regardless of the reason, this man had spent the entire previous afternoon talking loudly and lot more than usual and then maybe celebrated the merger/purchase of the amusement park with friends… so now his deep voice was scratchier than usual. Such was the laugh of the Big BM. Suddenly Kyle bumps into something. My god! It’s a man! No wait… it’s a mannequin. What thuuuu….? The laugh begins to echo again and it suddenly dawns on Kyle where he is. “It… it can’t be,” he stutters. The lights come on and he finds himself in his childhood room. He’s surrounded by the mannequins his parents kept there. His mother is there yelling at him. Telling him he can’t go to prom. “There’s too much work in the mannequin factory, Kyle. You must help with the mannequins. Make them beautiful my beautiful boy,” she yells before sweeping out of the room. He wants to cry. Can’t she see they are already beautiful? “The most beautiful in the world,” he mutters. He turns to his favorite and nervously asks, “will you go to prom with me?” She says yes. That’s right! We are watching the 2008 horror classic Prom Night. This hits a sweet spot for me in that it is a high school/college horror film. Nothing better. Let’s go!  

Prom Night (2008) – BMeTric: 84.3; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 16.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.5%; Higher BMeT: Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, The Hottie & the Nottie, The Love Guru; Higher Notability: The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Eagle Eye, New York, I Love You, Miracle at St. Anna, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Meet Dave, Jumper, Bedtime Stories, Semi-Pro, Drillbit Taylor, An American Carol, 10,000 BC, The Happening, Made of Honor, The Love Guru, Superhero Movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Seven Pounds, Four Christmases, and 20 more; Lower RT: One Missed Call, Surfer, Dude, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Strange Wilderness, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, College, The Accidental Husband, The Hottie & the Nottie, Babylon A.D., Bangkok Dangerous; Notes: That is a huge BMeTric. The four with higher BMeTrics are something else indeed. We’ve only seen four of the films with lover RTs as well, so much to look forward to.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  Three years after a homicidally obsessive teacher (Schaech) murdered her family, a lovely high-schooler (Snow) is stalked by an unwanted admirer on the night of her senior prom. A nominal remake of the post-Halloween slasher film, this better-than-average teen-skewing thriller relies on minimal graphic violence to sustain suspense.

(Wow, he actually liked it! He hates horror films, but … wait a minute, “minimal graphic violence”!! There it is. Of course he likes it well enough.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayvHRgYNvzU/

(Oh man the music!!!! Jesus I would watch a thousand of these films. It looks so dumb and amazing. Hell yes.)

Directors – Nelson McCormick – ( Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: A television director through and through. Directed such classics as Prison Break.)

Writers – J.S. Cardone – ( Known For: Alien Hunter; The Slayer; Shadowzone; Outside Ozona; True Blue; Black Day Blue Night; Exit in Red; Thunder Alley; A Climate for Killing; Future BMT: The Stepfather; The Forsaken; BMT: The Covenant; Prom Night; Notes: He wrote some truly sublime junk in his day. Sniper 3? Yes, please.)

Actors – Brittany Snow – ( Known For: Pitch Perfect; X; Pitch Perfect 2; Hairspray; Would You Rather; Someone Great; Hangman; Bushwick; Syrup; The Late Bloomer; The Vicious Kind; Finding Amanda; 96 Minutes; Janie Jones; Hooking Up; Christmas with the Campbells; On the Doll; Dial a Prayer; Always Woodstock; Petunia; Future BMT: John Tucker Must Die; Pitch Perfect 3; BMT: The Pacifier; Prom Night; Notes: Has six things in production at the moment. One is simply called It’s Christmas! Which I think is about someone dying or something … crazy if true.)

Scott Porter – ( Known For: Music and Lyrics; Speed Racer; The To Do List; 10 Years; Bandslam; The Good Guy; Descent; Brampton’s Own; Future BMT: Dear John; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: You best believe that is Jason Street! He does a lot of voice stuff these days, and more television like Up Here on Hulu.)

Jessica Stroup – ( Known For: Ted; The Informers; This Christmas; Homecoming; Broken; Pray for Morning; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; The Hills Have Eyes 2; BMT: Prom Night; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Was in Iron Fist, the television series, but since that got canceled she really hasn’t done much. She got married in 2022 which could explain her career slowing a bit.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $43,869,350 (Worldwide: $57,197,876)

(That is pretty good. Man, horror really just prints money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (6/69): A dim and predictable remake of an already dull slasher film, this Prom Night fails to be memorable.

(Already a dull slasher film?! How dare … oh wait, yeah … I guess it does take the original like an hour to even get a kill cooking. So I guess that is fair.)

Reviewer Highlight: For a film about erotomania, Prom Night is a curiously flaccid affair. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – Sklog Night

(I don’t like the poster mostly because it feels like it’s lying. It looks more like a torture porn film like Captivity or something. But it’s not. Way more fun that what this looks like. But it’s also not like it’s exactly bad, either. B.)

Tagline(s) – A Night To Die For. (A-)

(Sure. I mean, it’s not going to win any awards for originality, but it’s trying for the clever angle that I appreciate.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 66.3 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 65.5 My Soul to Take (2010), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.0 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 61.3 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 58.8 Sorority Row (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 58.0 Legion (2010), 56.8 Shutter (2008), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.4 The Eye (2008), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), 50.2 House at the End of the Street (2012), …

(Hellllll yeah. I don’t even think Vampires Suck is even a horror film, so this one is (by far) the best option. I think crushing the Paranormal Activity films will be exciting in the future.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brittany Snow is No. 1 billed in Prom Night and No. 4 billed in The Pacifier, which also stars Vin Diesel (No. 1 billed) who is in Babylon A.D. (No. 1 billed) which also stars Michelle Yeoh (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 4 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Sinister 2, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 19.

Notes – Aside from the title and the concept of teenagers being stalked by a killer at prom, this film shares no connection to the original Prom Night (1980).

During the scene at the hair salon, the original Myers house from the original Halloween (1978) can be seen outside the window . Jamie Lee Curtis, who starred in Halloween, also starred in the original Prom Night (1980).

Nelson McCormick had done extensive research into proms going as far back as where and when the first prom was ever held in American history in the film, compiling detailed portfolios for the cast and crew, which had an introduction on the origin of the prom and what it represents. However, writer J.S. Cardone, when going over what would be the titular prom with McCormick, ultimately decided on a prom which, apart from the music and dancing of the Bridgeport seniors, was beyond the scale or budget of a standard American prom.

Scott Porter is 7 years older than Brittany Snow, while playing high school seniors who are the same age.

Johnathon Schaech (Richard Fenton) and Jana Kramer (April) met on the set of this movie and were married between 2010-2011.

The New Mutants Recap

Jamie

Ah, the year 2020. Quite something for BMT and movies writ large. Particularly interesting for our BMT film The New Mutants, which got labeled a “cursed” film after moving release dates to avoid first Deadpool 2 and then Dark Phoenix and then again after Disney bought Fox. That took it from the safety of a 2018 release all the way to a fourth delay due to COVID. We weren’t really doing BMT Lives at the time (for obvious reasons), but if we had been this would have had a good argument. Franchise Man would have insisted we watch it. Not much more to say about 2020 other than 1) see yah, wouldn’t want to be yah and 2) the last in theater experience we had before the pandemic was Bloodshot (released the day I started remote work), but I think I was behind on BMT at the time and ended up watching it on Amazon when they released it early to digital… so that kind of sucks as a BMT memory.

To recap, these mutants are funky fresh. Dani is sent to a mysterious hospital after her reservation is attacked by an unknown beast. She is told that she’s a mutant and that Dr. Reyes is there to help her learn to control it before heading off to the X-men school. There are a bunch of other misfit mutants at the school including Rahne (who Dani likes… and I mean like likes), Illyana (who is kind of a bully), Sam (who is poor), and Bobby (who is rich). Dani is pretty ready just to kill herself, but Rahne convinces her not to and starts to show her all the kind of nice things at the hospital (including herself). At the same time some mysterious and kind of spooky things start to happen at the place. Each of the kids start to see what amounts to their greatest fears. It’s clear that it’s somehow coming from Dani and so Dr. Reyes gets an order from above to terminate Dani. You see, this isn’t connected to the X-men at all. It’s actually an evil corporation that captures mutants and turns them into weapons. But Dani is too powerful and uncontrollable. Once they figure all this out Rahne helps to free Dani, but they are caught and all nearly killed by Dr. Reyes. That is until Dani’s uncontrollable fear monster (a giant bear) is conjured and totally eats the good doctor. But Dani can’t control it and soon they are all under attack. It isn’t until they all work together and Dani regains control that they are able to defeat the monster and head back out into the real world as… The New Mutants. THE END.

Oh, poor poor The New Mutants. There are a number of recent films where I was ready and willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I liked the trailer for this one and thought, “well maybe this just breezed over people’s heads because of all the delays and the pandemic.” Ehhhhh, not quite. It ended up reading like a two-part television pilot that was eventually released as a TV movie. How many establishing shots of the school can you possibly do? It’s like I was watching an episode of Seinfeld or something. Anyway, it looked like shit and the acting was not good. Overall poor effort. However, I will give the film some credit because I thought the issues that the teenagers were dealing with felt real and were handled nicely. Really could have worked as a TV drama or something. Just not as a big comic book movie.

Hot Take Clam Bake! So we’re saying that Dani controls a giant monster bear once and we’re all good? Nah, all the kids are dead by sunrise when they wake up to find that Dani has totally conjured another big demon bear. I also want to point out: Sam, Bobby, and (arguably) Rahne do not have control of their powers and so it totally makes sense they are at the hospital. Illyana, though… she’s just dope and seems to have no problem doing whatever the hell she wants with her fantasy sword and little purple dragon friend. Her powers are so weird and she definitely didn’t need to be at the hospital anymore. I call bullshit on that. Hot Take Temperature: Sunspot.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! The New Mutants? I barely know the old mutants! Let’s go!

This is maybe the most famous example of a film almost not coming out. For years they talked about it. There were trailers maybe three years prior to it actually releasing. Rumors swirled that it was shelved completely. And all the actors in it ended up in totally different spots than they were when the movie came out. It is a really weird situation.

The thing I remember was that this was supposed to be a Marvel/horror thing, and I think they completely pulled the punch. The main actress should have been the villain. What a twist’em’up! And then the people who are all kind of dicks to her end up having to join up to defeat the horror world she creates? Seems decent. Even probably sets up the whole Mutant Suicide Squad they were teasing throughout.

But alas, instead we got a bad looking and not very interesting film.

I almost wanted to say the young actors were good … but actually they were all quite bad. It didn’t help that there were some abominable accents mixed in here for no reason.

Yeah, not much else to say except it gets us one step closer to having watched every single superhero film ever. It actually isn’t as hard as I would have thought, I’ve seen so many already.

I maybe can mention that I find it quite odd when comic book films end up just making up new stuff. In this case Magik (Anya Taylor-Joy) has a kind of cool background. You don’t have to go into it in the movie, but she is the sister of Colossus (who is in the Deadpool films at least) and there is a whole explanation of how she rules Limbo. Again, you don’t have to get into it. But … the Smiling Men? A vague allusion to her getting sex trafficked as a child? Uh … no thanks. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out if these weird demons are in the Marvel Universe, but nope. They aren’t. Just made up … why? Just pick something random from Limbo. Why add this weird shit to the film?

I think we only have a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that the facility isn’t run by Professor X but instead by someone I can’t recall the name of to instead make them all assassins. This movie is Bad because it is boring.

Read about my sequel though in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The New Mutants Quiz

Oh man so get this. I was just minding my own business in a totally normal summer snowy tornado, when I was attacked by a demon bear! Now I can’t remember a thing and am in a weird hospital for mutants. Do you remember what happened in The New Mutants?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the opening of the film a young girl witnesses her town destroyed under mysterious circumstances and ends up in a strange hospital. Why is she purportedly in the hospital?

2) There are five patients at the hospital. What can they all do?

3) How are the patients kept at the hospital?

4) So what’s the deal with the bear necklace?

5) In the end who actually ran the facility and what was to be Danielle’s fate if not for her magical imaginary bear?

Bonus Question: Just as I finish my seventh rewatch of The New Mutants (I feel like there are some subtleties I’m still not getting!) my agent calls me up, furious. What does he want?

Answers

The New Mutants Preview

After catching the eye of the saleswoman, Patrick and Kyle watch as Jamie tries on a series of outfits, each one seemingly more outrageous than the last. Jamie seems particularly taken with a very classy Canadian tuxedo he found in the back of the store, but it is also summarily rejected. Sadly he trudges out of the changing room in a non-Canadian tuxedo, complete with tails, bowtie, monocle, and top hat. This outfit gets an emphatic thumbs up from Kyle and a slight, but approving, nod from Patrick. Jamie isn’t so sure. Suddenly they hear a gasp and the smashing of a champagne glass nearby. “Sacre bleu!” a woman shrieks, “he’s beautiful.” A man joins her and, looking closely at Jamie, puts his hands up as if it were a camera lens. “Yes, he is perfect. The outfit is so classy and yet… he’s brutish. As if his body could explode out of the fabric at any moment.” Jamie is confused. Sure his body could explode out of the fabric any time he wanted, but why would he want that? That’s why he needs sturdy denim capable of withstanding whatever his body brings. The woman approaches. “Hello, we love you, we must have you. We’re from Big Modeling Talent Agency and we’re having trouble filling out our latest fashion show at Fashion Week. Are you interested?” Jamie’s head spins, imaging the celebs that might be at Fashion Week. Rumor around the block was that Billy Zane was hoping to attend this year! “The idea is: ‘These ain’t your daddy’s models.’” the woman says, flashing her hands dramatically as if the words should blow your mind. Patrick scoffs, but Jamie seems to be digging it. He nods in wonder and whispers, “Yeah, like… ‘The New Models.’” That’s right! We aren’t watching the New Models, but rather the X-Men spinoff, The New Mutants. This was dumped in the pandemic after being shelved for years. That’s a recipe for success. Let’s go!

The New Mutants (2020) – BMeTric: 57.4; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Breach, Hard Kill, Artemis Fowl, The Grudge, The Turning, The Last Days of American Crime, Jiu Jitsu, The Last Thing He Wanted, Fantasy Island, Survive the Night, The 2nd, Brahms: The Boy II, After We Collided, Like a Boss, Force of Nature, The Tax Collector; Higher Notability: Dolittle, Artemis Fowl, The Rhythm Section, Bloodshot, Rebecca, The War with Grandpa, Spenser Confidential, Hillbilly Elegy, Fantasy Island, The Turning, The Wrong Missy, Superintelligence; Lower RT: Hard Kill, The Last Days of American Crime, The 2nd, The F**k-It List, The Last Thing He Wanted, Force of Nature, Artemis Fowl, Fantasy Island, Songbird, A Nice Girl Like You, Brahms: The Boy II, The Turning, After We Collided, Survive the Night, Dolittle, Desperados, A Fall from Grace, 2 Hearts, The Tax Collector, Fatal Affair, and 29 more; Notes: Yeah, 2020 was going to be a struggle because it was kind of a dumping ground. I did at one point float doing Artemis Fowl as a friend. That movie seems absurd.

AV Club – C –  Even a mangled bit of Whedonese about a toad struck by lightning could benefit a superhero story this starved for character.

(I had to just find a random one here. AV Club fit the bill. The only thing I really know about this film is that it was dumped. There were times when it looked like it was going to go Batgirl style and just get completely buried.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_vJhUAOFpI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_vJhUAOFpI/

(Genuinely bullshit. Like … that isn’t the plot of the film! The plot is that the main girl is causing the fear dreams, the hospital isn’t there to do it to them. Absurd. Also, this film was legit poised to be a kind of good version of the film Fear from last year. Which is wild shit.)

Directors – Josh Boone – ( Known For: The Fault in Our Stars; Stuck in Love.; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: The Fault in Our Stars to this is wild. It feels like he was brought in at a time when this was going to be a more indie-ish property, and then eventually it was twisted into a semi-horror film at one point.)

Writers – Josh Boone – ( Known For: Stuck in Love.; All We Had; The Pretenders; BMT: He seems to have been somewhat tied up with The Stand since. His most recent producing project is some weird time travel film involving a mix-tape … yup.)

Knate Lee – ( Known For: Jackass 3D; Jackass Forever; Cardboard Boxer; Future BMT: Kidnap; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: “Writes” a lot of the Jackass films somehow? I don’t get that. Seems like a crazy person to bring in to write your X-Men adject IP.)

Actors – Maisie Williams – ( Known For: iBoy; Early Man; Mary Shelley; Then Came You; The Owners; The Falling; The Book of Love; Gold; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: You know her from Game of Thrones, where she was nominated for two Emmys. She is fully back to doing TV which is good, she’s solid in television roles.)

Anya Taylor-Joy – ( Known For: Split; The Menu; The Witch; The Northman; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Last Night in Soho; Emma.; Thoroughbreds; Marrowbone; Radioactive; Barry; Love, Antosha; Here Are the Young Men; Future BMT: Morgan; Playmobil: The Movie; BMT: Glass; Amsterdam; The New Mutants; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Queen’s Gambit which is her most famous role, until this year maybe since she’s the star of the new Mad Max film.)

Charlie Heaton – ( Known For: Marrowbone; The Souvenir: Part II; As You Are; No Future; Future BMT: Shut In; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: Mostly just doing those Stranger Things stuff. This movie was really a who’s who of TV work. Has a maybe interesting upcoming project with Al Pacino and Patrick Schwarzeneggar. I mean … didn’t say good, just interesting.)

Budget/Gross – $67–80 million / Domestic: $23,852,659 (Worldwide: $49,169,594)

(Yeah obviously terrible, but that budget seems fake. This is a one location film with four or five TV stars right? Where is this budget going? CGI I suppose would be the counter, but I’m not sure I believe it. Seems like accounting shenanigans more likely.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 36% (50/139): Rendering a list of potentially explosive ingredients mostly inert, The New Mutants is a franchise spinoff that’s less than the sum of its super-powered parts.

(Yeah, seems like a formula for some bodice success (horror film spin off from a popular franchise). Problem is when you create a horror film you need to stick to the budget: $15 million. It would have been a decent success if they could have pulled that off.)

NY Times Review: The original New Mutants comics debuted in 1983, the year Johnny Ramone howled for “Psycho Therapy,” and its punkish, expressionistic pages wafted spray paint. Boone’s version is set in the 1990s and wallows in Gen-X ennui. – Amy Nicholson, The New York Times

Poster – Not Your Daddy’s Mutants

(I appreciate the style. I very much appreciate the font and the color scheme. But it’s a little basic… like it’s just a bunch of heads all stylized up. B+)

Tagline(s) – It’s time to face your demons. (C-)

(Nah. That’s generic. Could be applied to a bunch of movies.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Horror): 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 56.1 The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.9 Wish Upon (2017), 55.1 Umma (2022), 54.7 Friend Request (2016), 54.0 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.1 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 45.6 Incarnate (2016), 44.9 Separation (2021), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.7 Hell Fest (2018), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 37.4 The Devil Conspiracy (2022), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 18.6 Nefarious (2023)

(Again, 2020 was going to be tough. Brahms: The Boy II and some other random annoying ones were the other options. This was more fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alice Braga is No. 6 billed in The New Mutants and No. 2 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The vision Dani sees of mutant children contains some reused footage from Logan (2017).

Josh Boone intended this film to be the first in a trilogy, with the second film to be an alien invasion movie featuring the alien mutant Warlock, and then the third and final installment to be a supernatural, apocalyptic horror movie based on the X-Men comic event “Inferno” (demons invade the Earth and Magik plays a major role). After Disney’s purchase of Fox, all X-Men-related films in development were cancelled, including Boone’s trilogy.

Josh Boone admitted that he found shooting to be stressful, as he felt “a bit neutered” because he had to tone down the film from his original “full horror” ideas.

The last Marvel film to be released with Stan Lee as an executive producer.

The film had five release dates. It was originally slated to debut on April 13, 2018, but was first delayed to February 19, 2019, in order to conduct reshoots. Later, it was pushed back to August 2, 2019, while Disney finalized its purchase of Fox. The film was pushed back yet again to April 3, 2020, to make room for the release of Dark Phoenix (2019). On March 12, 2020, it was postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. On May 13, 2020, its new release date of August 28, 2020 was announced, and the film was finally released in theaters on that date.

Fear (2023) Recap

Jamie

Fear is fantastic. Life changing really. All this time I was walking around not understanding the world. Like FDR stated to the nation “the only thing we have to fear is… fear itself.” I’m like, sure, but what about a vampire, FDR? Pretty scary stuff. But now I understand. He wasn’t talking about “fear” as a concept. He was talking about Fear the movie. Now I’m vibing, Frankie D. And take Star Wars. Yoda is all like “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” I’m like, yo, yoda, hold up. I’d be pretty scared of a Wookiee. He’d rip my arms off if he loses (and I always win). That won’t lead to the Dark Side. That’s just common sense. But now I’m back on Team Yoda. Fear definitely leads to anger, hate, suffering and the Dark Side. Yoda man, yoda. So there we go. Even before they made Fear, two of the greatest Americans of all time were lining up against it. Let’s see if they were right.

To recap, a bunch of dummies travel up to a closed resort in the middle of the pandemic in order to celebrate a birthday (and an engagement if the main character Rom would stop chickening out). His girlfriend, Bianca, has asthma and is skeptical about why they are up there. Rom is an author and everyone’s a little suspicious that maybe they are up there as part of research for his next book. He’s like “no, no” but really that’s exactly why they are there. Some spooky stuff starts happening, like the creepy resort owner feeds them garbage wine and their minds play some tricks on them, but really the scariest thing is Lou. You see, Lou is coughing a bunch and they are afraid he’s got Covid. Shortly thereafter they see a news report that a new super deadly strain of Covid is out and that everyone needs to stay inside. They throw Lou in the basement and one of their friends rushes out to be with her kid against their protests. When people find out what they did with Lou they go down to free him, but find him dead. Soon everyone is dying in a bunch of uninteresting ways vaguely connected to their own worst fears. By the end Bianca escapes to town where she finds that everything is OK and it was just the resort being a silly goose and pranking them. You done been Punk’d. THE END.

Woof. This movie is terrible. What a waste of time and potential. I could think up a million different ways that this could have worked. The first way was to make the fears interesting and then actually have them die that way. Claustrophobia, drownings, spiders, snakes, heights, etc. etc. etc. Now have a giant spider eat one of them. Instead they all die in super boring ways after we wade through a full hour of no one dying at all. It’s just a bunch of people fretting about Super Covid and bad mouthing T.I. There was a brief moment in the beginning where I thought we were going to get an old school slasher film like April Fool’s Day… but then it droned on and on and was just a dumb supernatural horror film. I hated this. 

Hot Take Clam Bake. We shouldn’t have watched this. I know doing BMT is all about watching bad movies like this but, sigh, this wasn’t worth our time. We shouldn’t have watched this at all. We just shouldn’t have. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could go back and not watch this. It makes me question what we are up to. Does something need to change? How is it that we ended up having to watch this? Is BMT broken? Did we err in some way at some point? We just… we shouldn’t have watched this. Hot Take Temperature: Volcano.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Remember when horror films were scary or had any interesting ideas or (frankly) reasons to exist. Pepperidge Farm remembers. Let’s go!

This. Is. The. Worst. Film. I’ve. Seen. This. Year.

This film isn’t funny, charming, entertaining, nothing. This movie is garbage. It is a net negative. I cannot believe this was screened to producers and audiences and they went fuck it, release it, horror just prints money right?

Like, as we were watching this film we realized with growing fear (ha!) that we made a horrible mistake … obviously we should have done Five Nights at Freddy’s. This is a non-movie and doesn’t even deserve to be watched. This is the kind of movie where we are like “wait … are we somehow doing too many movies for BMT? Can we tweak the qualifications so that this specifically doesn’t qualify in the future?”

That would be my fear death. I would drink the fear juice and then later I would go into a trance and find myself in a theater watching Fear and being like “NO! I can’t watch this movie again!” And then ultimately I would walk over and like smash my face into a trashcan in the theater and in real life and die.

I’ve just been making fun of this movie. But there really isn’t anything redeemable here. The concept is stupid (an author drags his friends to a hotel with allegations of a witch coven based on fear, yada yada yada they all die from fear nonsense except the two that leave). The entire relationship to the pandemic is stupid (I don’t know if there are people in real life as stupid as the people in this movie are … I sure hope not). And it isn’t scary, the cardinal sin of horror. There is truly nothing about this movie I would call a kernel of an idea. It is all quite bad. And that is why it is the worst film of the year for me.

But even that is somehow being generous. There is no reason this should have been released to theaters. It should have been on Shudder where horror fans could have gone “meh” and I could have ignored it.

I’m going to go with Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious reveal that the entire second pandemic was fake news brought to you by the Lying Witch Coven of Strawberry Lodge. Sorry, the Strawberry Lodge witches merely subscribe to alternative facts, specifically that there is a severe airborne threat and you should all hang out in Strawberry Lodge. This movie is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad, and I really hope I don’t even give it the Bad award for BMT because it was too bad even for that.

Oh jesus, can I make a sequel to this … of course I can! One word: baby. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Fear (2023) Quiz

You just won’t believe this. So I was at the Strawberry Lodge for a long weekend, when I drank some of this dank fear juice and now I’m tripping balls. Unfortunately my biggest fear is forgetting what quizzes are about … do you remember what happened in Fear (2023)?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Why is the whole gang assembled at the Strawberry Lodge? Be specific, this is the reason given to the fiance.

2) But like … why are they reeeeeeeally at the Strawberry Lodge? Be specific, this is the reason the rest of the gang thinks is the case.

3) But like … what is the super duper secret reason they are at the Strawberry Lodge? Be specific, this is the reason the author actually suggested the place.

4) Welp, this place fucking sucks. Best get out of here. Except no one (except that one person) wants to. Why?

5) In the end the only thing they really had to fear was fear itself! Thanks FDR. Who survives the weekend at Strawberry Lodge?

Bonus Question: A year later we meet up with Bianca. What is she up to?

Answers

Fear (2023) Preview

Jamie and Patrick look around them. They are no longer in the Antiquities Room. They don’t appear to be in a room at all. Instead it seems they’ve been transported to a dark, mysterious labyrinth. Screams of terror and pain (or is it pleasure?) surround them. They look forwards and then back, but the maze looks identical no matter where they look. “Should we just start…” Jamie begins but stops. A figure has appeared in front of them. They nervously turn back the other direction and… uh oh, another figure has appeared there as well. Jamie squits and after a moment of recognition his face turns bright. “Demon #1, my love, how are you?” he says to the first demon, who appears to be a nerdy lawyer he could grow old with. “And Demon #2, my darling, still having trouble with the truth?” he says, turning to the second demon, who is a sultry minx that Jamie could love, even though he knows she’d be bad for him. “Your hunky, muscle-bound guys have return,” he finishes with a debonair flourish. The demons appear to be taken aback. It looks like they want to says something to Jamie, but it’s hard to tell if they can talk. What would happen if they opened their mouths? Patrick doesn’t want to find out. They approach and Patrick readies a patented Twin Chop, but instead of sucking them into an otherworldly dimension they each grab one of Jamie’s arms and begin to coo in a loving and very disturbing way. They begin to pull Jamie through a side entrance in the maze (“Was that there the whole time?”, Jamie wonders). “They want us to go this way,” Jamie calls over his shoulder cheerily. Despite his intense fear, Patrick quickly follows the trio. That’s right! We are indeed watching Fear, a long delayed horror film made in the pandemic. By all accounts this delay made for a strange and very bad film. It’s a wonder they took it wide the theaters at all. Why not just dump it somewhere? Time to find out. Let’s go!

Fear (2023) – BMeTric: 26.0; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.8%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.3%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Best. Christmas. Ever!, White Men Can’t Jump, Maybe I Do, Retribution, Hypnotic, In the Fire, House Party, Fool’s Paradise, Heart of Stone, and 22 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, Vacation Friends 2, White Men Can’t Jump, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Insidious: The Red Door, Pain Hustlers, Love Again, Genie, and 11 more; Lower RT: Confidential Informant, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac; Notes: This movie is quite perplexing. In reality we should have done Five Nights at Freddy’s though. Bigger deal, and an actual horror film. We’ll get that back though.

Richard Roeper – 3 stars –  It’s the perfect storm for the group to start turning on one another, even as the supernatural elements boil and bubble to the surface, and the blood starts to spill. Way to pick a vacation destination, Rom. What, the Overlook Hotel was booked?

(Amazing. He actually mostly says that the film revels in its unoriginality and he kind of respects it for that. Ridiculous as that might sound.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2znvShl2GM/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2znvShl2GM/

(Yeah … this looks horrible. They shouldn’t have shown the terrible death effect. Because it looks dumb and they should have hidden that from the audience for as long as possible.)

Directors – Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Black and Blue; Fatale; Chain Letter; Supremacy; Dead Tone; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: The Intruder; Fear; Notes: Has a few upcoming projects including one called All-Star Weekend which has the description of “Two buddies form a rivalry over their favorite American basketball player,” which sounds ludicrous.)

Writers – John Ferry – (BMT: Fear;  Notes: Basically he appears to be a production assistant for at first Trank (on Chronicle) and now Taylor, and this is the first film he got a credit for writing with him.)

Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: Fear; Notes: Writes a lot of the films he directs. Also produces them as well, so he is kind of a younger Tyler Perry in a way.)

Actors – Joseph Sikora – ( Known For: Shutter Island; Jack Reacher; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Ghost World; Charlie Wilson’s War; Safe; Trust; Night Skies; BMT: The Watcher; The Intruder; Fear; Notes: He’s older than I would have thought, 47 years old. To the point where he had a whole other acting life as a bit part acting in major films. He was in over 60 episodes of a tv show called Power recently, and does a lot of television.)

Andrew Bachelor – ( Known For: Greenland; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; The Babysitter; Holidate; When We First Met; The Babysitter: Killer Queen; Game Over, Man!; Vacation Friends; Rim of the World; Coffee & Kareem; The F**k-It List; Airplane Mode; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Where’s the Money; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; National Champions; Family Switch; Future BMT: We Are Your Friends; Meet the Blacks; BMT: Fifty Shades of Black; Fear; Notes: Known as King Bach apparently. Was a world class high jumper in college, and also holds (and will forever hold) the record for most followers on Vine at 15 million which is how his career started.)

Annie Ilonzeh – ( Known For: Percy Jackson: Şimşek Hırsızı; Erkekler Ne Söyler Kadınlar Ne Anlar; Agent Game; Til Death Do Us Part; Future BMT: İntikam Meleği; All Eyez on Me; BMT: Miss March; Fear; Notes: Primarily she was a decently long running actor on Chicago Fire appearing in 42 episodes of that show.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $2,090,261 (Worldwide: $2,090,261)

(Yeah quite terrible. My guess is the movie cost around $5 million to make. I don’t think it is possible to really make even a low budget horror fit for wide release for less. Just the cameras and salaries probably get over the $1 million you’d need to have this be profitable.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (4/19)

(I can’t believe this has this high of a rating. If I were to make a consensus it would be: Lazy in its metaphors for the pandemic, lazy in its oscillation between various horror sub-genres, and lazy in its concept. Yet the biggest crime is it isn’t scary.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is frustrating to watch Fear carelessly oscillate between creature feature, haunted house movie, and folk horror. – Matthew Monagle, Austin Chronicle

Poster – Fear Leads to Anger

(Ha. I mean it looks cool. But I don’t understand the question mark. Is the film called “Fear?” I didn’t think so. Like the yellow but neads better font. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Your Mind is the Trap (C+)

(I guess this is intriguing. Like… the horror film where your mind is used against you. You think a murderer is trapping you but you are trapping yourself. Again, it’s a cool concept, like the post is cool looking, but it doesn’t work completely.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.2 House Party (2023), 41.9 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.6 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 36.7 Paint (2023), 31.3 The Machine (2023), 28.0 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.2 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.7 Freelance (2023), 14.3 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 8.4 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.1 Sweetwater (2023), 6.0 Back on the Strip (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (Horror): 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 26.4 Fear (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023)

(Do not fear (get it?) we will be watching The Exorcist: Believer. And also do not fear (get it?) we’ll NEVER watch Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. Ever. I refuse.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Joseph Sikora is No. 1 billed in Fear and No. 2 billed in The Intruder, which also stars Meagan Good (No. 3 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (3 + 5) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 21. If we were to watch Underworld: Awakening we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Terrance Jenkins was the host of 106 and Park and his hotel room was 106

Leviathan Recap

Jamie

I was initially jazzed to check out the New York Times for the day that Leviathan was released. I presumed I’d get maybe a double page ad with quotes and cool images, but no. Just a single page and it’s kind of terrible:

One question: why? Nothing about that is cool or attractive. Which is ironic because the one interesting thing about Leviathan in the paper is the review. Interesting because it’s actually pretty good. Compares it very favorably to Deepstar Six, which I don’t think I’ve seen (mistake). Ironic because the punchline of the review is “Survival of the Prettiest.” God I love old school newspaper movie reviews. Stuff a bunch of film buffs into a theater to watch Leviathan and then have them write 300 words about it. We have to go back.

To recap, Peter Weller is a geologist tasked with wringing some money out of a deepsea mining operation. He is on the verge of success and the company is thrilled. Unfortunately, the miners are less thrilled with this nerd alert raining on their parade. A few days before they have to surface one of the miners trips down a canyon and finds a wrecked Russian ship. It’s all very confusing because there is no record of the ship sinking in Russian logs and amongst the stuff they find is a video suggesting that some terrible medical event occurred. Everything is quarantined, but one of the hard partying miners snags a Russian flask for himself. That’s a mistake because once he and a fellow miner down the vodka they become violently ill and begin to genetically transform. While the rest of them hurry to finish the mining operation, the two miners die from the illness. But that’s not all, soon they awaken in monstrous form and begin to merge into one big amorphous sea creature. Weller attempts to hide this event from the rest of the crew, but as they attempt to eject the monster from the rig they all discover what’s going on. Everyone is kind of freaking out. They run around a bunch, things burst out of peoples’ chests, etc. etc. etc. Everything falls apart and everyone dies except Weller and his lady love, Willie. They also find out the mining company is ready to abandon them and declare them dead. Not so fast, because Weller and Willie don their underwater suits and surface. They battle the monster and some sharks one last time before blowing the creature to smithereens. He then punches out the head of the company and smooches his lady… hard. THE END.

Helllll yeah, Leviathan is some fun stuff. Like Iron Eagle it’s a straight rip-off of multiple blockbusters (Alien and The Thing most prominently), but some decent effects go a long way to papering all that over. We got monster effects, some underwater effects, and a big ol’ sci-fi set that is fun to look at. It certainly lags here and there (and really wants you to care that the people on the rig might not get their money), but ultimately it hits at the right moments for me to be into it. Probably the biggest ding against it is the end of the movie. Once they get to the surface it briefly transforms into a 70’s flick with bad effects and a bunch of sharks for no reason. It’s weird. Anyway, if it had been made just five years later I’m guessing it would have ended up straight-to-video, but I’m glad it didn’t. As for The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, the less said the better, probably. It’s not the worst thing ever, but it’s lazy. It’s definitely supposed to have its tongue planted in its cheek, but it’s shot so rotely that it’s hard to tell. Don’t know if Keith took over directing duties to get the film made or chose it as a Keith auteur vehicle, but either way makes sense this was his last (substantial) effort.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna say it, I think Peter Weller was behind the whole thing. No, not inventing the Monster Disease, but rather using his big ol’ brain to know exactly how to set everything up for him and his lady love to escape to the surface after satisfying their mining contract. You think that company is leaving all that sweet, sweet ore at the bottom of the ocean. No way. And once they bring it up Weller will be sitting there ready to cash in. It’s a classic corrupt cop situation. Weller has spent his days being a low-paying geologist. When is it his time to get the money reserved for those he helps? Now, that’s when. So when they find that disease he sees his shot. Let a big dumbo grab the diseased liquor and it’s off to the races, and off to Moneytown, USA (population: Peter Weller). Hot Take Temperature: the blue heat of Meg Foster’s eyes.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about The Abyss?! … nope, wait. Are we talking about The Thing?! … wait, no, it isn’t that either. Are we talking about Alien?! … shoot, not that either. What the hell are we talking about? Oh right, Leviathan. Distinction without a difference init? Let’s go!

Hey look at us, I think this film is legit a zero out of five on the how-you-say Soldier Boyz racism scale. Congrats.

I actually liked this film, but I will reiterate: this is one of the most derivative films I’ve ever seen. It is just straight up a Thing and Alien mash-up set under the sea. But it has solid practical effects and is just ultimately pretty fun.

It is a smorgasbord of 90s shlock masters too. Peter Weller? Ernie Hudson? Throw in some Hector Elizondo and Daniel Stern and baby you got a stew cooking.

And gimme all that sweet “corporations and inherently evil entities willing to sacrifice their workers for a buck (and probably a weapon to sell to some equally evil military/industrial minded country)” junk. Inject it directly in my veins, even if it is just pure uncut Paul-Reiser-in-Alien. Yeah … there isn’t an original bone in this horrific monster fish’s body.

Oh yeah, and as Jamie said the ending is crazy. All of a sudden they are like “Hooray we are saved! … oh no there are sharks! … oh no the monster is also here and Ernie Hudson is dead! … well I’ll blow up the monster! … Hooray we are saved!” It is a little like they didn’t quite know how to end the film when they had it right there: have it end with them going up to the surface, and have them break the surface to a shining sun. Get it? They lived and they know the company tried to screw them. C’mon guys, I’m tearing up here, let’s get a Sklog Cut with that ending as the only change.

As for the friend this week … sigh. The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck. Let’s just get this out of the way: This is a solid three or four on the how-you-say Soldier Boyz racism scale. I think it has to be a four, I think there is someone in black face in this film although I couldn’t swear by it. Also, I don’t know what the deal with 90s schlock is with rape, but someone gets raped or almost raped in every film. It makes it very hard to enjoy these films when sexual assault and racism are put front and center as motivations for our garbage “hero” to kill people. That being said: this movie is also poorly made, and the acting is dire. It is like David Keith saw Indiana Jones and was like “I could do that, what is it really? A garbage drunk cracking wise and slaying ladies? I can do that.” And then he just made River of Death with Michael Dudikoff, added in some jokes and rape and went “nailed it.” You didn’t nail it David Keith. Not even close. Hell, River of Death didn’t even nail it! I have to give it a D. The action would be kind of fun. You know … without the racism and rape.

Good Product Placement (What?) for Pepsi which for some reason on a private underwater lab just has vending machines around. I’m going to give this an Unlikely Setting (Where?) for simply “underwater” which I unironically love. I think this is potentially an A+ MacGuffin (Why?) for the sunken ship Leviathan and the unintended evil it contained. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious reveal that the evil corporation is, it turns out, evil. I think this is a Good and nothing you say will make me change my mind!

Read about my sweet sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Leviathan Quiz

‘Ello everyone! On man, so get this. I was on the bottom of the ocean (natch) mining my ore (natch) when a big mutant fish thing attacked and tore all my friends to pieces! Luckily, I just suffered a blow to the head and a massive concussion. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Leviathan?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) There’s some tension on the bottom of the ocean because someone isn’t doing their job. What event occurs that kicks off the issues between RoboCop and the doctor?

2) So … what is the deal with RoboCop, why is he on the bottom of the ocean anyways?

3) So … what is the deal with the doctor, why is he on the bottom of the ocean anyways?

4) They find a ship called Leviathan on the bottom of the ocean, but it isn’t supposed to exist. What is on the ship that starts to cause everyone to mutate?

5) The movie is pretty much just people running around away from the fish monster at this point, but in the end how does RoboCop, the fourth Ghostbuster, and … the lady, end up getting back to the surface?

Bonus Question: Welp, RoboCop just punched his boss out. Definitely fired right?

Answers

Leviathan Preview

September 1st, 1996

Jamie and Patrick are looking fresh. Earrings? Gold. Jeans? Gold. Apple juice? Gold. They’re about to turn ten and are setting the standard with their gold swag. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “How many times can you watch Tango and Cash?” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of their local swimming hole and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Baraka) they ventured forth and found themselves at Ralston’s Gulch. It’s cannonball central as they take the swimming hole by storm. Suddenly, right when they begin another one of their patented Twin Double Cannonballs, they feel a tug at their shorts and find themselves completely nude in the freezing waters. A couple of middle school bullies are laughing at them from the shore while holding their shorts above their heads. “Why don’t the little babies come out and playyyyy-ayyyy?” they yell, and all the other people at the gulch laugh. “We look like fools,” Jamie says and laments that he doesn’t have a shirt to rip clean off to fashion crude shorts out of. “Do you remember the last time we ended up completely nude in public?” Patrick reminds Jamie. He does, it was when those two hot dogging pilots at the air show buzzed them and the speed of the jets ripped all their clothes off. “And what did we do then?” Patrick continues. “Oh right, we took those foolz to schoolz,” Jamie says, pulling out a very cool phrase he coined. “We jumped in the water. Because in the water no one can see you nude and in the water…” With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory. That’s right! We are diving into Leviathan, an Alien/The Thing rip-off set underwater that if made just a few years later would have probably looked way cheaper and probably went straight to video. But instead it got a theatrical release. Good for us. We pair that with The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, a weird little movie directed by David Keith… you know… before he realized he didn’t want to do that. Let’s go!

Leviathan (1989) – BMeTric: 34.7; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 2.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III, The Fly II, No Holds Barred, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Cutting Class, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, DeepStar Six, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Pink Cadillac, Shocker, Speed Zone, The Punisher, The January Man, The Horror Show, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights; Lower RT: The Horror Show, Speed Zone, Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Worth Winning, Night Game, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, Wild Orchid, No Holds Barred, She’s Out of Control, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, Cookie, Troop Beverly Hills, Three Fugitives, and 13 more; Notes: Played on television 40 times in the 90s, not bad. A lot of horror sequels in ‘89 as well, Friday the 13th 8 (played 27 times), Halloween 5 (15 times), Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Child (39 times), and The Fly II (35 times). So this played more that those which is interesting. More interesting (maybe) is none of the Sleepaway Camps played at all on television in the 90s … that seems crazy, but I ran a check and it seems to be the case. Sleepaway Camp, it turns out, is a purely post-2000 cult horror sensation.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Yet one more dreadful Alien clone, this one set underwater (like several other 1989 releases), with a team of men and women imperiled as they toil in the depths of the Atlantic. Skip it.

(Leonard, would you say that perhaps we should … spare ourselves? Anyways, you can tell two things from this review. First, the complete lack of interest by Leonard in horror films in general. And second, just how bad this film must be for him to not even bother to slam it very hard. Exciting.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G2OSQyIjGc/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G2OSQyIjGc/

(Love the voiceover immediately. You can explicitly tell this is just The Thing + Alien = Leviathan though. Amusingly unoriginal.)

Directors – George P. Cosmatos – ( Known For: Tombstone; Escape to Athena; The Cassandra Crossing; Of Unknown Origin; The Day the Fish Came Out; Massacre in Rome; The Beloved; Future BMT: Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Cobra; Leviathan; Notes: Died in 2005, but was retired from 1997 I think. His son is also a director having directed Mandy.)

Writers – David Webb Peoples – ( Known For: Blade Runner; Unforgiven; 12 Monkeys; Ladyhawke; Hero; The Blood of Heroes; Unforgiven; BMT: Leviathan; Soldier; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Unforgiven. Seemingly still alive at around 83 years old, but he hasn’t done anything since 1997 either.)

Jeb Stuart – ( Known For: Die Hard; The Fugitive; Blood Done Sign My Name; Vital Signs; Future BMT: Just Cause; Switchback; BMT: Leviathan; Lock Up; Another 48 Hrs.; Fire Down Below; Notes: Created Vikings: Valhalla more recently, but also hasn’t written a feature since 1997. We need to watch Switchback, it’s a serial killer film I’ve barely heard of.)

Actors – Peter Weller – ( Known For: RoboCop; Star Trek Into Darkness; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; Naked Lunch; Mighty Aphrodite; Prey; Beyond the Clouds; Skin Trade; Of Unknown Origin; Shakedown; Cat Chaser; Butch and Sundance: The Early Days; Shoot the Moon; Just Tell Me What You Want; Repentance; Ivans xtc.; Dragon Eyes; The New Age; Shadow Hours; Top of the World; Future BMT: Screamers; The Order; Firstborn; Undiscovered; BMT: RoboCop 2; Leviathan; Notes: Was nominated for an Oscar for a short film, Partners, which is wild. He is obviously more well known for RoboCop because the rest of his filmography seems to alternate between Schlock and Cult Classics.)

Richard Crenna – ( Known For: First Blood; Sabrina; Body Heat; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Our Miss Brooks; Wait Until Dark; The Sand Pebbles; Death Ship; Jonathan Livingston Seagull; The Flamingo Kid; Breakheart Pass; The Evil; A Cop; Marooned; Doctors’ Wives; Table for Five; Star!; Catlow; Made in Paris; Stone Cold Dead; Future BMT: Summer Rental; Wrongfully Accused; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Leviathan; Jade; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys and won one for The Rape of Richard Beck. Almost certainly known to film lovers a as Colonel Trautman the man who “created” Rambo.)

Amanda Pays – ( Known For: The Kindred; Oxford Blues; Off Limits; A Grande Arte; Ablaze; Subterfuge; BMT: Leviathan; Notes: She was in a few episodes of The Flash, otherwise she appears to have been semi-retired for a while. Comes from an acting family, and is married to Corbin Bernsen. Which probably explains a bit role in Psych.)

Budget/Gross – $21 million / Domestic: $15,704,614 (Worldwide: $15,704,614)

(That is abominable. For a horror film especially. You design it for the $20 million budget expecting a $30-50 million return at least, but this is a bomb for sure.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (6/25): A deep-sea thriller with an unusually strong cast and potent ideas, Leviathan quickly plunges into an abyss of weak thrills and lame kills.

(Sounds about right. The unusually strong cast is right, although with hindsight … well, let’s just say that Ernie Hudson and Peter Weller didn’t quite finish up the 90s as A-listers.)

NYT Short Review: Spare yourself. / Miners trapped on the ocean floor with a giant eel. / Adventure about metal mining on the ocean floor.

Poster – Leviasklog

(Very cool, although pretty unrealistic, poster. I’ve seen it before, but until you watch the movie you don’t really recognize how strange it is that they use an event from the end of the film to advertise the movie. A bit random. A.)

Tagline(s) – How long can you hold your breath? (C)

(Hmmmm, I guess this is not the worst it can be. It makes some sense and is intriguing. Although it doesn’t have much to do with the movie.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.8 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Lock Up (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

Best Options (Horror): 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 34.7 Leviathan (1989)

(This was a sparse category. Ultimately I think this was chosen because it was 1990 and was the only real good option from that year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Richard Crenna is No. 2 billed in Leviathan and No. 2 billed in Rambo III, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The experience was an adventure and a joy for Stan Winston and his monster-making team. Not only did they get to live in Rome for four months during filming, and even learn scuba diving, a recreational activity many of them continue to pursue to this day, but they also got to work with a director who was unusually generous with inviting their input. In addition to producing the creature effects, Cosmatos trusted Winston to direct the second unit action sequences. “George Cosmatos always let us take the lead in how to shoot the creature,” noted Landon. “He was such a big-hearted person, he would throw up his hands, and say ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ He’d just admit it and let us do what we knew how to do. We know what our characters can do and we know the best way to use them. We’re thinking about what our characters are going to have to do on the set the entire time we’re building them. So we are goldmines of information and knowledge. Some directors recognize that, and really rely on us.”

The creature effects team encountered some language differences during the making of Aliens (1986) in England, but the challenges were much bigger in Italy. “I always keep a log of everything we order on shows, just in case accounting comes back later and asks about it,” noted lead creature effects mechanic and on-set technician Richard Landon. “In my log from that show, you can tell that there were some real language issues, because a lot of times, instead of words, I drew pictures of nuts or bolts or that kind of thing. I would quite often have to draw a picture just to make it clear what I was talking about.” There were cultural differences too, such as the Italian’s crew tendency to drink large amounts of red wine at lunch. “They’d say, ‘Here, have some wine!’ remembered Mahan, “and we’d say, ‘Uh, thanks, but we’re not allowed to drink while we’re working.’ Of course, every once in a while, we’d sneak a little, but nothing like the way those guys were drinking it down.”

Deep Star Six (1989) was the first release of several underwater-monster-themed feature films released during 1989-90, including The Abyss (1989), Leviathan (1989), The Evil Below (1989), and Lords of the Deep (1989), and ‘The Rift’ (aka ‘Endless Descent’, 1990). With the exception of ‘The Abyss’, none of these films were box office hits.

The movie is set in the year 2027

Once, during the underwater photography, John Rosengrant and other members of the SWS on-set crew were underwater for so long and at such depth, that they were unaware of a violent storm that had come in, threatening to rip the topside boat from its anchor and smash it against nearby rocks. “We had no idea all of this was going on, until we came to the surface and saw all this commotion,” recalled Rosengrant. “We all go out of the water and helped to push the boat away from the rocks and hold it steady in this storm.”