Bad Movie Twins

Soul Man Recap

Jamie

I cannot believe this used to play on television… like I’ve seen Soul Man a whole bunch of times growing up. Even at the time it was controversial to the point where the actors in it have continued to give interviews over the years insisting that the script was very funny and sharp and playing on important issues of the times. Essentially insisting that it was a project you couldn’t pass up (even if in retrospect you think “why didn’t you run as fast and far away from this as possible?”). So how did Comedy Central then look at this already controversial film and be like hmmmmm, 3pm on Saturday maybe followed by Just One of the Guys? Pretty ironic actually. It basically became an example of what it was trying to satirize.

To recap, Mark Wilson is an asshole… sorry, that was rude. He’s a rich asshole. He’s primed to attend Harvard Law, but is dismayed when his parents decide not to pay for it. What is a rich asshole to do? Get a loan of course, but in a system built against rich white assholes he just can’t manage that. So he does what any asshole will do: take a bunch of tanning pills and scoop a scholarship meant for African Americans (but don’t worry, if he didn’t take it then the scholarship would have been wasted as he was the only applicant… not a single African American applicant… in LA… hooo weee). Off he goes to Harvard where he begins to learn the hard lessons about what it is to be Black in America. Eventually he is inspired by a fellow African American student in his class, Sarah, who is a single parent working hard to become a lawyer and give back to her community. When he finds out that Sarah actually would have gotten his scholarship if he hadn’t applied as if left unawarded it would have opened to a wider applicant pool, he starts to feel real bad. Eventually he admits what he has done and given all the lessons he’s learned he is given a second chance with strings attached. He gets a loan and asks Sarah for forgiveness, which she eventually grants. THE END.

I mean, wow. The biggest crime this film commits is the blackface. The second biggest crime is playing into stereotypes for laughs because they couldn’t navigate their own satire. But the third biggest crime is letting Mark off at the end with essentially a slap on the wrist. The kid needed some comeuppance. Something to at least be like “OK, he learned a real lesson here.” Having him stay at Harvard and get the girl in the end is insane. Anyway, can I see what the actors are saying when they insist that the script was good? Kind of. There is something interesting about the moment where Mark, deep in on his own crazy blackface scheme, talks about how cool it’s going to be to be Black. That is fairly pointed. It’s a moment in time when there was such a sharp divide between the impact of African American life on culture (the only interaction with African Americans that someone like Mark would have) and the reality of living in America as an African American. But you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t set up a rich asshole pulling a blackface scheme in a film and then have him totally redeemed in the end. Messes the whole thing up. They were trying to walk a tightrope and basically missed the wire entirely with their first step. As for Meatballs IIIl: Summer Job. A+++. Highly recommend watching this on VHS. Me and Patrick were tickled by the sheer number of times someone goes flying off a dock. It’s like the stunt coordinator had only one thing he was licensed for. Throwing people off docks. Back in on the Meatballs franchise!

Hot Take Clam Bake! The end is a dream sequence. What we are experiencing at that moment is Mark getting expelled from school and everyone throwing rotten fruits and vegetables at him. The moment this happens he disassociates and we see what is happening in his mind. He imagines that in fact his professor understands. He gives him a second chance. He goes out and gets a loan at a high interest rate. Then when he sees Sarah again she is willing to take him back because a couple of racists are walking by, make a joke, and give him the opportunity to punch them out. Fantasy land, people. None of that happened. He’s a pariah and has to change his name. Hot Take Temperature: A hot stove you absolutely should not touch.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me walking all “cool” down the street, right before a group of children jump out and beat the shit out of me* Let’s go!

The Good? Nothing much, the film is super weird, and not only racist, but patronizing about it. Originally, I said that the film is probably a satire, but that is not right, at least if you take what the stars and producers say at face value. The comparison I would draw though is to Tootsie (which is described as a satire). Both seem to take their message seriously, which I suppose is the way you would hope such material was considered.

The Bad? The blackface? The racism? The fact that the main character has no consequences in the end? The fact that anyone liked him or talked to him after this? The racism? Oh I already said that. If you wanted to look at this more charitably the film is merely not funny. The funniest part is that partly the film doesn’t work because Howell has a friend. If he was a friendless, rich, asshole, his inability to empathize with black people beyond what he’s seen on television and in movies would perhaps be taken with as a bit of charming naivete. The fact that he has a white friend aiding and abetting his fraud though is rough.

But the bizarre nature of the whole affair means it is a BMT film. We wouldn’t look to it as a Hall of Fame entry, but it does represent a weird sort of bad movie that could only exist in the mid-80s when cocaine was flowing like wine, and consequences were a thing to be scoffed at.

Ooooooooooo doggy, Meatballs III: Summer Job. This was a VHS special. Only available on VHS. So we busted out the CRT, hooked up my combination VHS/DVD player, and popped this on. This movie is hilariously janky. It is weird. And acting is horrible. But my god it is fun. “I want to get laaaaaaaaaaaaaid” is a line in the film. Patrick Dempsey is pushed off a dock. There is an angel pornstar, and an actor playing the devil which is legitimately not an actor. I can’t figure out who the person was. Anyways, A+, just a very funny and unique viewing experience, this is the thing that friends are made of.

I’m sticking with the trailer analysis today. First I asked if AIStudio could identify where the movie is set. It said Harvard was mentioned, and also Los Angeles, so “Given these details, it seems most likely that the movie is set in both Massachusetts and California.” Correct. I then asked it about product placement. It points out that at 00:20 there is a clear Fila Logo which is kind of amazing because it is upside down and partially obscured … intriguing. As for keywords, I couldn’t get it to ignore audio (which is where it really was getting all the keywords I think), so I tried it without any audio available: Comedy, Racism/Race, Law School, Spoof, C. Thomas Howell, Blackface, Controversy, 1980s, Satire, Prejudice.

Now … Controversy is interesting and seems to me like it might be using some outside sources for this assignment. I guess it could deduce that C. Thomas Howell + Blackface = Controversy, but it is hard to know. Law School is the most intriguing I guess, but again, would a human being recognize this video clip without sound as having to do with law school. Unclear. Similarly, asking about films with the keyword “law school” only 5 pop up, but at least two of them (Reversal of Fortune and Pelican Brief) it is very clear it is getting it from the tagline. Which, fair enough, but still, it is a little different than having an obvious “law school” film in a way. Legally Blonde (title?) and Paper Chase (law + an odd mention of “The Graduate” on the poster?) are also questionable. Honestly, they are all borderline in the end.

I think I’ll give a special BFF (Who?) for Arye Gross who plays the essential best friend who is in on the scheme all along and covers for the main character. Why not, let’s use the AI generated note of Product Placement (What?) for Fila, even though I’m sure there is a better beer one in the end. Definite Setting as a Character (Where?) for Cambridge, MA, you love to see it. A weirdo MacGuffin (Why?) for that always difficult to obtain Harvard Law Degree. And obviously a Worst Twist (How?) for the main character not only not going to prison for fraud, but also still being allowed to stay at Harvard. He was barely a good student! This movie is BMT, it was destined to BMT, and also is so BMT it manages to be a movie I’ll never watch again.

Read about … law? Blackface? Something in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Soul Man Quiz

Let’s just hope I stick to questions about Boston … Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Soul Man. It is basically named after the song. Name one of the two writers of that famous song (although they weren’t the ones who sung it and made it famous).

2) Of the many home video releases, Soul Man has been part of two Double Feature DVDs. On one it was paired with Fraternity Vacation from 1985. In the other it was paired with what body swap film starring George Burns?

3) There is a movie I have to watch. I actually HAVE to own it. It stars C. Thomas Howell, and it is called Side Out. What sport does our (also lawyer) Howell get super duper into in the movie Side Out.

4) Harvard Law is the oldest continually operating Law School in the U.S. But it isn’t the oldest full stop. What university, which (understandably) had to close up during the Civil War, has the oldest?

5) You get to see a young Julia Louis-Dreyfus in this film. Speaking of Seinfeld (we were speaking of that right?), the character of Sue Ellen Mischke was a frenemy of Elaine on that show. What candy bar fortune was she the heiress of?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Oh a tricky one. This movie went up against Soul Man (on Lifetime!) on July 9, 1990:

But what film is a remake of Dangerous Liaisons in 1999?

Answers

Soul Man Preview

Jamie runs out of the restaurant in pursuit of Samantha. But Patrick doesn’t think it was the horror franchise part of the speech that had such an affect on her. It seemed to him that her face changed a little before that. How could his Keys to Love have missed so badly that the mere mention of something destroyed everything? Was there some flaw in the four keys that he hadn’t foreseen? Patrick counts on his fingers real quick. 1. The eyes are the windows to the soul (A.K.A. stylez=smilez). 2. Get all the feels (A.K.A. only the firmest handshake) 3. A rose by any other smell (A.K.A. cologne for days) 4. Putting (meats and cheeses) on the Ritz (cracker) (A.K.A. a very 2003 Celtics themed dinner). That seemed like everything… what could he be missing? Suddenly he becomes aware that Kyle is saying something. Despite the high likelihood this is about mannequins or is largely irrelevant, Patrick stops Kyle just in case. But as he’s about to let him know that he was not listening to whatever mannequin mambo jumbo he was going on about, his mouth goes dry. “I wasn’t listening,” he mutters. Kyle is hurt. He was very proud of his latest advancement in mannequin technology and while perhaps this wasn’t the most opportune moment to discuss it, it was still important to him. “Of course you weren’t,” he scoffs, “You guys never listen.” Suddenly the same thought Patrick had dawns on him. “My God, we have been missing a vital fifth lesson this whole time,” Patrick says, writing furiously in his notebook. Kyle and him rush out to catch Jamie to warn him about “Lesson #5: The ears are also the windows to the soul, man.” That’s right! We are watching Soul Man, the 80’s comedy about a guy who puts on black face to get a scholarship to Harvard… wait, that can’t be right. No, not the plot. I know that’s the plot of the film. It just can’t be right that we’re watching it. To pair with that we are blessedly cleansing the palate with Meatballs III: Summer Job, also known as a VHS special. Let’s go!

Soul Man (1986) – BMeTric: 41.1; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 9.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.1%; Higher BMeT: Howard the Duck, Troll, King Kong Lives, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Maximum Overdrive, Solarbabies, Raw Deal, Sorority House Massacre, Firewalker, Club Paradise, Iron Eagle; Higher Notability: Howard the Duck, Poltergeist II: The Other Side, The Golden Child, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Invaders from Mars, A Fine Mess, Ratboy, Solarbabies, Raw Deal, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Club Paradise, Armed and Dangerous, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Cobra, Iron Eagle, Wildcats, No Mercy, Blue City, The Best of Times, The Delta Force, and 3 more; Lower RT: 8 Million Ways to Die, Solarbabies, Sorority House Massacre, Band of the Hand, Deadtime Stories, American Anthem, Blue City, Nobody’s Fool, Firewalker, King Kong Lives, Armed and Dangerous, Haunted Honeymoon, TerrorVision, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Dangerously Close, Club Paradise, Quicksilver, Howard the Duck, Maximum Overdrive, Tai-Pan, and 1 more; Notes: It is profoundly disturbing that this film played on television 59 times in the 90s … but it does explain why I’ve seen it several times. King Kong Lives played 30 times, which seems insane. Again, 7 out of the top 10 BMeT, but we have seen the top 7, so that’s something. Meatballs III on the other hand? An astonishing 14 times on cable. Incredible stuff.

Roger Ebert – 1 star – Although the premise of “Soul Man” has been greeted with widespread derision, it actually has a lot of potential – even if it has been made into a lame-brained movie. … Howell seems to have wandered in from a teen comedy; there is never a moment when I felt he was really experiencing the feelings in this movie. Not even when he gets to feeling so black that he tosses around a symbolic basketball and confesses he doesn’t like the Beach Boys so much anymore.

(Kind of amazingly tepid review for a one star. I do understand the sentiment though. Howell is the weakest link in the film, it is very hard to feel like he’s changed in an appreciable way. Just watch the “trial” scene!)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2zMrjBLwn8/

(Should I make that beginning a gif so like when I’m super happy about something? Naw, I don’t want to send people a gif of half naked C. Thomas Howell. His terrible wig is INSANE. I can’t believe we are watching this.)

Directors – Steve Miner – ( Known For: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Lake Placid; Forever Young; House; Warlock; Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken; Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous; Here Come the Tigers; Future BMT: My Father the Hero; Big Bully; BMT: Friday the 13th Part 2; Friday the 13th: Part 3; Soul Man; Texas Rangers; Notes: The only person to have filmed two Friday the 13th films. Also nominated 2 Primetime Emmys for directing and producing The Wonder Years.)

Writers – Carol Black – ( BMT: Soul Man; Notes: I guess not surprisingly was also involved in The Wonder Years. She won for it in 1988 just prior to Miner coming on.)

Actors – C. Thomas Howell – ( Known For: The Amazing Spider-Man; E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial; The Outsiders; Hidalgo; Red Dawn; The Hitcher; Old Dads; Gettysburg; Woodlawn; LBJ; The Return of the Musketeers; Hitman’s Run; That Night; Side Out; Grandview, U.S.A.; Attack of the Killer Donuts; The Hillside Strangler; Storm Rider; Hoboken Hollow; Far Out Man; Future BMT: Secret Admirer; Reagan; Tank; BMT: Gods and Generals; Soul Man; Notes: It is absolutely no surprise he was in Reagan. He actually got married to Rae Dawn Chong in real life, although it didn’t last very long.)

Rae Dawn Chong – ( Known For: Commando; The Color Purple; Jeff, Who Lives at Home; Quest for Fire; Tales from the Darkside: The Movie; Crying Freeman; The Principal; American Flyers; Fear City; Cheech & Chong’s: The Corsican Brothers; Beat Street; Choose Me; The Borrower; City Limits; Far Out Man; When the Party’s Over; Shiver; Time Runner; Cyrus; Highball; Future BMT: Hideaway; The Squeeze; BMT: Soul Man; Notes: Tommy Chong’s daughter. Apparently discovered Chris Pratt while he was a waiter.)

Arye Gross – ( Known For: Minority Report; Tequila Sunrise; Just One of the Guys; A Midnight Clear; For the Boys; Mother Night; Big Eden; Exterminator 2; The Experts; Coupe de Ville; Seven Girlfriends; Nostalgia; Timelock; Spoiler; Big City Blues; The Prince and the Surfer; The Elevator; Shaking the Tree; A Matter of Degrees; Future BMT: House II: The Second Story; The Couch Trip; Hexed; The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Soul Man; Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike; Notes: This is maybe the craziest trivia I’ve ever seen on IMDb: Provided the voice of Lando Calrissian in the NPR version of The Return of the Jedi.)

Budget/Gross – $4.5 million / Domestic: $27,820,000 (Worldwide: $27,820,000)

(This is a huge success. Jesus, what would the sequel be … I think it would be that he’s now a judge and he is getting groomed to sit on the Supreme Court, but then he hears that actually the President is only considering a woman for the opening. Well that gives him an idea …)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (4/24): Critics had a whole lot less than a truckload of good loving for this woefully misguided take on race in ’80s America.

(What the hell is Rotten Tomatoes doing with the recap? That is a bizarre consensus. It barely makes sense.)

NYTimes Description: Steve Miner’s fast comedy about a young white man masquerading as a black student in order to get a scholarship to Harvard.

Poster – Sklog Man

(Christ. I mean sure. That entirely avoids the conceit of the film… probably should have taken that as a sign that they were not on the right track.Still, I like the framing and the font OK. C.)

Tagline(s) – Guess who’s coming to college? (D)

(C. Thomas Howell? Yeah, what’s the big whoop? Horrible.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.8 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 58.2 Amityville 3-D (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.5 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.7 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.4 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.4 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.3 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.2 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (Comedy): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.8 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.5 Ghost Dad (1990), 54.7 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.4 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.4 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.3 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.2 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 47.2 Transylvania 6-5000 (1985), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 43.7 Firewalker (1986), 43.6 Young Einstein (1988), 43.3 Deal of the Century (1983), 42.3 Shocker (1989), 42.0 Club Paradise (1986), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 41.8 Pink Cadillac (1989), 41.6 Loose Cannons (1990), 41.3 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Soul Man (1986), …

(Teen Wolf Too would have been a good choice. But man, we really couldn’t leave Soul Man on the table. It is just so nuts.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: C. Thomas Howell is No. 1 billed in Soul Man and No. 5 billed in Gods and Generals, which also stars Robert Duvall (No. 3 billed) who is in Days of Thunder (No. 2 billed) which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (1 + 5) + (3 + 2) + (6 + 4) = 21. If we were to watch The Squeeze, One Good Cop, and Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – C. Thomas Howell had to wear colored contacts when his skin was toned to look black. His eyes are normally a goldish color and really stood out once his skin was darkened.

C. Thomas Howell’s father, Chris Howell, did the stunts for this movie.

C. Thomas Howell and Rae Dawn Chong met on the set of this film, married, and later divorced.

Tim Robbins was cast in the lead, but dropped out when the filming of Howard the Duck (1986) went over schedule.

The house where Mark has dinner with the Dunbars was a set that was later donated to the California Institute of the Arts and is used by students for filming.

Child’s Play 3 Recap

Jamie

Hi, it’s Franchise Man and Patrick has really got me thinking about trilogies lately and how you can get a sense of where something is going by looking at a set of three. Why? Well the first film (Child’s Play in this case) is the sensation. Sometimes unexpected. So the first entry can be a bit weird and might not even feel like a film in the series once you are at entry five or six. The second (Child’s Play 2 in this case) is often a retread. Uh oh! We have a hit. Let’s churn something out quick while we get our bearings. Maybe we’ll just make up some bullshit why the killer actually didn’t die and now he’s back to finish the job. That way we have time to try to parse out what it was that got everyone hot and bothered from the first film so we can really crush that under the weight of lore in later entries.The third, that’s where you really settle in on what the series is about. So here we have Child’s Play 3 which definitely *check notes* oh wait, did they still not know what they wanted to do with the series yet?

To recap, Chucky is back, Jack! And this time… he still wants to kill that same kid from the first film. Gotta get into that sweet bod, I guess. Although, why doesn’t he just go after a different kid? What’s that? That’s eventually what he does try to do later in the movie? So why does he bother going to the military school in the first place? You know what? Nevermind. Let’s keep going. After the events of the first two films, Andy is now off to military school. There he is told to stop believing in killer dolls cause that’s dumb. Unfortunately, the Good Guy factory is getting back up and running and oops! Looks like Chucky’s blood splashed into the vat of plastic. So Chucky’s back, Jack! He finds out where Andy is and mails himself there. Meanwhile, Andy has a new young pal, Ronald, a new best friend, Harold, a new love interest, Kristin, and Brett… who sucks. Ronald finds the Good Guy package and Chucky is like “wait, why don’t I possess this bozo instead… or really any ol’ kid. Shit.” He start to but is thrown in the garbage before he can. Chucky proceeds with all kinds of hijinks. And by hijinks I mean killing a ton of people but not Andy and not Ronald and also he doesn’t possess anyone. Just kills them. Ultimately, despite the plethora of tragedy around them, the school decides to move forward with the annual war games. Chucky replaces the blanks for one team with live ammunition and it is CRAZY. Chucky flees to a nearby carnival (naturally) where Andy is able to finally convince Ronald that Chucky is bad and together they defeat him (or did they? (They didn’t)). THE END.

Alright, so the opening scene of this movie where they reopen the Good Guy factory is amazing. If there is a question about a not very good film with an amazing opening scene, this is a fine answer. After that? I’m sorry, but this doesn’t make any sense. Why Chucky is even pursuing Andy anymore is a total mystery. Any ol’ boy will do and instead he gets mixed up with the only person who knows what he’s up to. Thank god the whole film is ridiculous and we were having some fun with it. Military school setting? Love it. Carnival climax? Yes, please. But yeah, I’m not going to be saying this is a hidden classic any time soon. As for Critters 3… welp, they certainly lost the budget on that entry. That being said, setting the whole thing in an apartment building is a good idea and the weirdness of the characters and the critters themselves works. So for what they were working with they did an admirable job.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I kinda think Andy and Kristin are going to make it. Sure, I didn’t even need to mention her in the recap since the whole love interest storyline (and many other storylines) are totally extraneous to the plot. And sure, they don’t know each other and all she knows is that he’s mixed up with a voodoo demon doll. And sure, she never shows up in any other entries in the series. But… I feel like the spark is real. Hot Take Temperature: Melted plastic.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me as a creepy doll cackling and flipping off a little kid* Let’s go!

The Good? I love watching franchises. And I do love how unabashedly weird these films are. The first is genuinely an interesting and fun genre flick. The voodoo twist (which is right in the beginning and rather amusing, especially since it almost certainly comes from a bizarre interest in voodoo at the time see: Predator 2) is kind of fun, and there is a nice plausibility to just how incredulous everyone is about Chucky being real. They definitely just think that the little kid is a psycho. The second film is much more nonsensical, in that they feel the need to dispatch with the mother and they just run it back with people, again, just not believing in Chucky (multiple people saw him last time …). The third is as nuts, so I guess that’s a positive.

The Bad? The third is starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel for ideas though. Military Academy? Running back the voodoo possession? Finale at the amusement park. It feels by the numbers, and boring to boot. I don’t really recall an interesting kill in the end. It is basically the issue with all late stage horror sequels.

The BMT? I don’t think this is notable enough to get there. It really needs to start getting wild, like Jason in Manhattan level, for the BMT juices to really start flowing. It is probably Bad.

We also watched Critters 3 as a friend. A young Leo, a completed trilogy, a creature feature in a decrepit apartment building. What more could you want? The film is genuinely quite fun, even though as usual films like this just have a lot of filler and often kind of look crappy. Leo is good though, and the film is one of the vaguely good horror-comedies of the time. Anyways, like it. I’ve liked all the Critters films I feel like. B+.

I went a little more sophisticated for the AI exploration this time. First, I uploaded the Child’s Play 3 trailer and asked for 10 keywords: Military School, Discipline, Training, Revenge, Possession, Violence, Horror, Stalking, Transference, Good Guys Doll. I’m going to guess that a lot of those are based on the audio, so I’ll check that on the next one I run. For now, obviously, “military school” is a fun one to look into. I do wish it would have picked up “theme park” since that is an unusual and unexpected feature of the trailer.

I fed the 47 films with the “military school” keyword into and 20 indicated that the poster suggests it is indeed set at a military academy. Taps is the only real one of note, and If… is a false positive, it takes place at a boarding school. That though is more of a problem with IMDb than anything else. There doesn’t seem to be a major omission from what I can see. If anything this all points to other avenues of attack. The theme park idea above would be evident from the trailer. The same could be said of Clifford. But it feels like we are years away from it being practical to feed in 50+ trailers (probably what? 4 hours of video, it would take weeks, or cost $5 which I’m still unwilling to pay for exploratory and useless work like this). But once that is possible it could get interesting.

Why not, a Product Placement (What?) for Playpen Magazine which features in the trailer. It loses its Setting cred here, we can presume they are still in Illinois, it is just not very obvious. The movie is very silly, but I think ultimately it is Bad like a lot of slashers are bad, boring with bad kills.

Learn all about dolls in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Child’s Play 3 Quiz

Hmmmm, maybe I’ll try and learn about voodoo? I don’t know. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Let’s keep it simple. Prior to the reboot, how many Child’s Play movies were released?

2) In the entire original run Brad Dourif (of BMT fame) voiced Chucky. In the reboot film though, he was voiced by a very famous voice actor (and very famous actor, although he’s mostly famous for a single series of live-action films). Who?

3) The director of Child’s Play 3 has become a huge television director in recent years. Including what Stephen King adaptation based on a trilogy of books about a retired police detective?

4) Child’s Play 3 was nominated for Best Supporting Actor at the 1st Annual Chainsaw Awards by what famous horror-themed magazine?

5) Matthew J. Costello wrote the novelization of the second and third movies. He also wrote the novelization of what 1993 FMV puzzle adventure game produced by Trilobyte?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: On October 1, 1992, just in time for spooky October movies, Child’s Play 3 premiered on Showtime. At 6:30 on TMC that same day this film played:

What is that film?

Answers

Child’s Play 3 Preview

A column of flame wooshes to the ceiling as Patrick and Kyle put their finishing touches on the 1997’s Spawn themed dinner that has left both Jamie and Samantha laughing and applauding and making out with glee. From the Pie-olators savory pie medley to the Michael Chai & White chocolate fondue, it all delighted, but nothing more so than Hell on Earth: the record-setting banana flambé. After finishing thanking the representative from the Guiness Book of World Records who had confirmed that not only was this the largest banana flambé of all time, but also the most delicious, Patrick turns back to Jamie and Samantha. He takes a step back in shock when he sees that Jamie is down on one knee. His keys to love really worked! “Samantha,” Jamie begins, “I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I feel like we’ve already had our love tested. I haven’t always been perfect. Scott Bakula didn’t deserve to have his head fly off at his funeral. Patrick and Kyle didn’t deserve to have me become a mud baby in the face of losing my hearing. Through all that you still loved me and I didn’t deserve that.” Samantha tries to interrupt, but Jamie stops her. “No, you’re right. There is no deserving here. It is just the fact that through your love I found the strength of my own love for you.” There isn’t a dry eye in the house as Jamie launches the last bit of his speech. “I want to carve our names on the Wall of Lovers in your hometown. You are the Jason to my Friday the 13th. The Chucky to my…” But before he can finish Samantha rushes out of the restaurant in tears. Jamie is stupefied. “I didn’t mean she’s a monster.” That’s right! We are heading into one of the classics of the horror genre with Child’s Play 3. Chucky’s back, Jack! And why not pair that with an equally important third entrant in a trilogy: Critters 3. This time it’s personal or something. Let’s go!

Child’s Play 3 (1991) – BMeTric: 58.2; Notability: 44

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.4%; Notability: top 10.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.7%; Higher BMeT: Highlander II: The Quickening, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Cool as Ice, Critters 3, Problem Child 2, Suburban Commando; Higher Notability: Hook, Hudson Hawk, Flight of the Intruder, Mobsters, Necessary Roughness, Switch, Life Stinks, Out for Justice, F/X2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, Rock-A-Doodle, The Marrying Man, Rover Dangerfield, Married to It, Dutch, Oscar, King Ralph, Highlander II: The Quickening, Billy Bathgate, If Looks Could Kill, and 5 more; Lower RT: Highlander II: The Quickening, Return to the Blue Lagoon, Critters 3, The Super, Run, Cool as Ice, Another You, All I Want for Christmas, Problem Child 2, Mobsters, The Marrying Man, Strictly Business, Drop Dead Fred, Oscar, The Hitman, Mannequin: On the Move, Curly Sue, One Good Cop, Nothing But Trouble, Suburban Commando, and 3 more; Notes: Played 46 times on cable in the 90s. Compared to Critters 3 (4 times) that ain’t bad. It was about the same for Highlander II, but the rest are more spotty. With these two we only have Suburban Commando in the top 7 BMeT for 1991.

New York Times – The most intriguing part of the film is the lifelike way Chucky walks, talks and slashes. He is actually played by several mechanical dolls and is an impressive technological achievement. But advancing the state of technology is probably not what the makers of “Child’s Play 3” had in mind.

(Slammed … but also the truth. The impressive bit of the films are how they mix and match the different tech with the doll. Compare this to the Leprechaun series where it is just Warwick Davis in a suit all the time forever.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3No1jTRSvg8/

(Hell on earth? Lol. Oh shit that is Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I kind of love this trailer. The movie looks like shit, but I love the twist in the middle where it is like wait … what is this movie about. And then Chucky pops up.)

Directors – Jack Bender – ( BMT: Child’s Play 3; Notes: He won an Emmy as a producer for Lost, and was nominated a bunch of times for directing that series as well. He is mostly a television director, including Game of Thrones and Mr. Mercedes more recently.)

Writers – Don Mancini – ( Known For: Child’s Play; Bride of Chucky; Child’s Play 2; Child’s Play; Curse of Chucky; Cult of Chucky; Cellar Dweller; Future BMT: Seed of Chucky; BMT: Child’s Play 3; Notes: One of the reasons this series plays so well with hardcore fans is mainly because Mancini has been heavily involved throughout the series. After the third the series, successfully, went full horror-comedy with the Jennifer Tilly character.)

Actors – Justin Whalin – ( Known For: The Dead Pool; Serial Mom; Super Capers: The Origins of Ed and the Missing Bullion; For the Cause; Blood of Beasts; White Wolves II: Legend of the Wild; Denial; Off the Ledge; BMT: Child’s Play 3; Dungeons & Dragons; Notes: Dungeons & Dragons is the big one, one of his rare leading roles. He seems to have at least semi-retired in 2009.)

Perrey Reeves – ( Known For: Mr. & Mrs. Smith; Old School; Plus One; Kicking and Screaming; Cosmic Sin; Smoke Signals; The Suburbans; An American Affair; Innocence; High Voltage; Future BMT: Entourage; American Dreamz; Undiscovered; BMT: Child’s Play 3; Notes: Oh right, ha, she’s Frank’s wife in Old School. But probably more famously she appeared in Entourage a ton as Ari’s wife.)

Jeremy Sylvers – ( BMT: Child’s Play 3; Notes: This is really it for him. He was in an episode of Saved by the Bell, but apparently uncredited.)

Budget/Gross – $13 million / Domestic: $14,960,255 (Worldwide: $20,560,255)

(That feels disastrous. Which I guess explains why there was a 7 year hiatus between the third film and the resurrected comedy series it became.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (3/16)

(If you look there is a mix of people basically being like “man, when they took this seriously the series sucked!” and people being like “man, when they took it seriously the series was awesome … well except for the third film I guess.” People universally hated it.)

New York Times Listing Description – Cute little killer doll had a certain wit. Now simply vile, bit like Jason, bit like early Terminator.

Poster – Voodoo Doll Curse 3: Still Cursed

(It is striking if a bit unimaginative. I like the font on the 3. I also remember these images really freaking me out as a kid in the video store. They’re pretty silly though. B.)

Tagline(s) – There comes a time to put away childhood things. But some things just won’t stay put! (C-)

Look who’s stalking (A)

(The first is clever but I don’t have to tell you it’s far too long. The second if quite funny. They nailed it with that one.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.0 Holy Man (1998)

Best Options (1991-1991): 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 40.6 V.I. Warshawski (1991), 38.2 The Butcher’s Wife (1991), 37.9 House Party 2 (1991), 33.6 Career Opportunities (1991), 32.1 Curly Sue (1991), 31.9 Scenes from a Mall (1991), 31.6 Another You (1991), 31.3 Ernest Scared Stupid (1991), 30.5 Drop Dead Fred (1991), 29.7 Switch (1991), 28.9 He Said, She Said (1991), 28.9 Delirious (1991), 28.9 Eve of Destruction (1991), 28.5 Billy Bathgate (1991), 27.9 F/X2 (1991), 27.8 The Super (1991), 27.7 Life Stinks (1991), 27.6 Dying Young (1991), 27.2 Flight of the Intruder (1991), 27.2 If Looks Could Kill (1991), 27.1 Pure Luck (1991), 27.0 A Kiss Before Dying (1991), 26.8 Out for Justice (1991), 26.5 Mobsters (1991), 26.3 Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991), …

(Hell yeah, we nailed this one. And we smashed out four movies in a week. And that is in no way depressing. Suburban Commando is a blind spot though, we should watch that.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brad Dourif is No. 2 billed in Child’s Play 3 and No. 6 billed in Senseless, which also stars Matthew Lillard (No. 3 billed) who is in Wicker Park (No. 3 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 6) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 3) = 18. If we were to watch Passenger 57, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Under pressure from Universal, screenwriter Don Mancini was asked to begin writing the third film even before the second film was released. Hence, this picture was released only nine months after Child’s Play 2 (1990). Mancini has called it his least favorite because he felt he was out of ideas so soon after the second installment.

This was the first film in the series to use computers to aid in Chucky’s puppetry – in order to perfect the lip-syncing.

The movie was the center of a tabloid panic in Great Britain, with one newspaper – The Sun – even demanding existing copies be burned. Journalists claimed the film had influenced two 10-year-old boys in their murder of a younger child, two-year-old James Bulger, although it was later determined that neither had actually seen this film.

John Ritter was originally supposed to appear as a security guard at the Good Guy Doll Factory in a sequence where some kids sneak into the factory and discuss the Chucky myth. Ritter later appeared in Bride of Chucky (1998) in a supporting role.

Don Mancini initially wanted to introduce the concept of “multiple Chuckys” in the movie but due to budget constraints, the idea was eventually scrapped. Mancini later used this concept 26 years later for Cult of Chucky (2017).

Spawn Recap

Jamie

I distinctly remember Spawn coming out. The comic was big in the household, but I was kind of young to read it… besides I never really got into comic books to that extent. That being said, Spawn looked cool and it was something fun to watch while over at a sleepover. Just young enough that things like Judge Dredd and Spawn were really toeing the line of “oh shit, things are getting real,” when it came to what we were allowed to watch. So we watched this at a sleepover. We had a ball. I remember loving it. Just laughing and laughing at The Pest star John Leguizamo. In fact that probably also factored into why we watched this movie. We loved The Pest. Anyway, that wasn’t the memorable part. The memorable part was coming home and having our older brother ask what we watched and us saying we saw Spawn and loved it and he was actually like… upset that we would find Spawn and particularly Leguizamo’s character funny in any way. One of those moments where I thought “wait, do I love things that everyone agrees is bad?” But that couldn’t be… because then maybe The Pest would be bad. Gasp.

To recap, Al Simmons is a CIA operative who kinda sorta is aware that maybe he’s the baddie. More specifically he’s getting suspicious that his superior Jason Wynn might be a baddie. Sensing he might be losing Simmons, Wynn sets up a job during which he explodes Simmons and sends him to Hell. When in Hell, Simmons is recruited to fight for a demon and lead Armageddon (coolio) in exchange for seeing his wife again. This is a monkey paw situation, of course, as he returns to Earth five years later and totally burnt to a crisp. His wife is remarried to his best friend and he starts to wonder about that deal he made. An old man named Cogliostro turns out to be devil spawn as well, but tries to guide Simmons towards a different path. A path of justice. But the demon helper The Violator is also guiding Spawn towards completing his agreement. Simmons, now Spawn, decides to ambush Wynn and almost kills him. Ultimately The Violator conspires to get Wynn to attach a bioweapon to his heart as protection against another ambush. But the real plan is to get Spawn to kill him and start Armageddon. Added incentive is a plan to kill his family. Ultimately they clash and Spawn is able to extract the bioweapon and is sent to Hell as punishment. He does battle with demon hordes and eventually is able to defeat The Violator and send Wynn to jail. Seeing that his family is happy, Spawn decides to dedicate his life to justice. THE END.

This is a very mixed movie. I actually think if they had perhaps chosen a bigger (and better, sorry Michael Jai White) star this might have worked enough to get middling reviews (i.e. not-BMT). And if they had followed through on doing at least some practical effects for Hell, then maybe it might have even risen further because they were really going for it in the film and by all accounts just ran out of time and money. Leguizamo is kind of amazing and there is some really striking practical effects for the monster he turns into. But the rest is real B-level, almost straight-to-video, action schlock. So it’s kind of hard to argue super strongly for the good. It’s fun though. I’m a bit surprised there hasn’t been more of a revisionist history on it. Even Martin Sheen, who is absolutely devouring every scene he is in, kinda fits today’s sensibilities of someone really going for it in a genre film. As for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, stop being dumb The Razzies. This is just not big enough to require a roasting by anyone. Clearly hijacked by Eszterhas and he’s a weird dude. All that being said… Stallone is kind of funny in it. I love Stallone.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Spawn’s wife’s marriage to Cutting Edge ain’t lasting. She just got a look at Spawn. Sure he’s roasted and toasted, but he’s also cut and has a cape that won’t quit. Spawn is moping around being like “guess I gotta just fight for justice now and let my family be.” What?! No way. You no longer have a weird clown following you around. You no longer are an employee of Hell. You got your whole… uh, life, I guess… kinda… ahead of you. Find a steady job and I give it 8 months before she’s back in your arms/cape. Hot Take Temperature: Full body burn.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me dressed as a clown, popping my own head like a balloon, and then farting real loud* Let’s go!

The good? The film is generally kind of fun and silly and there really isn’t much else like it out there. For all the grief I remember Leguizamo getting at the time, he makes the film just light enough to be reasonable.

The bad? The film is probably too dark to appeal today. I don’t know what they would really do with Spawn today, the 90s was just a different time. Just look at The Crow, or Fight Club, or Se7en. The filmmaking and storytelling was just generally grunge and dark, or at least had the room to unironically accommodate it. I don’t feel like there is that space today. But that doesn’t make the film bad.

The bmt? Probably. For Leguizamo alone the film is interesting, and it is weird and borderline good, and I kind of generally dug it. It is very much like The Crow in that same way. No, not the new one … definitely not the new one. The original The Crow.

Jesus … An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn is basically not a film? I don’t really know what I expected, but this certainly wasn’t it. This really appears to be a film that some random people make on a lark, thought would be funny (it isn’t) and then mostly panicked when they realized they had made an unfunny, plotless, trash film. Then they pulled off the most obvious stunt possible (taking the director’s name off the film to get Alan Smithee in there for real), and seem to try and play it off as a joke. The film is painfully unfunny, and just generally boring. The only weird redeeming feature is the subplot with Coolio and Chuck D helping Eric Idle out. C, you have to watch it for bad movie cred, but it ain’t good.

I decided to ask the AI to generate ten keywords for me for the film. This is what it came up with: Antihero, Hellspawn, Darkness, Justice, Mask, Red cape, Costume, Supernatural, Revenge, Demonic Powers. I don’t mind all of those except maybe Darkness (I guess, but pretty vague), and Justice (which like Darkness is really just because those two words are in the tagline). The best is maybe Red Cape, or Hellspawn. So let’s get ten more film having to do with Hellspawn:

Constantine (2005), End of Days (1999), Prince of Darkness (1987), The Prophecy (1995), Hellraiser (1987), Legion (2010), The Devil’s Advocate (1997), Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (2011), Pumpkinhead (1988), Ghost Rider (2007)

I do think those qualify, although some are probably debatable (The Devil’s Advocate?) I suppose if I wanted something a little like this Ghost Rider is the closest. Antihero, Hellspawn, Justice, Mask (kind of), Costume (? Kind of), Supernatural, Revenge. It really ticks those boxes. You’d think the sequel would have done it. A little unforgivable that is thinks Paradise Lost has anything to do with this stuff though. Now, do I care about this stuff? Not really, mostly useless for what we do here at BMTHQ, but I certainly can see why someone without my vast computational resources would find this appealing.

The ultimate MacGuffin (Why?) of them all: revenge. And I honestly think that it is. There is some information about Spawn generally being in New York City, I honestly don’t remember if it was explicit in the film, but it is too unclear to bother. The film is BMT for Leguizamo’s performance alone.

Read about … clowns I suppose, in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Spawn Quiz

I wonder exactly how many demon questions I can do in this quiz … Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Todd McFarlane is famous for writing many comics including Spawn. Born in Calgary, Alberta, he also was at one point a co-owner of a hockey team, but not the Calgary Flames. What team did he co-own?

2) You couldn’t possibly make a Spawn film without a song by The Prodigy. Name either of their UK number-one singles.

3) The Violator is plagued by John Leguizamo in the film. Famously he classed with Steven Seagal in what film, a rare example of Seagal dying on film?

4) In the beginning of the film Al Simmons is sent on a mission to destroy a biochemical weapons plant in North Korea. Now … remember the Korean War, and MacArthur. I shall return, all that. What kind of pipe did MacArthur very famously pose with in many photos?

5) It has something to do with this movie, tangentially, but what is Tel Megiddo / why is it famous?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: A BMT oversight that is kind of unimaginable:

Can you name the film?

Answers

Spawn Preview

So despite his best efforts, Patrick avoided departing on an extended BMTverse adventure and yet still missed out on his real world adventure with Sly Stallone. “So he was here?” Patrick asks Kyle, who nods, the memory twinkling in his eye. “And you watched Cobra and Cobra 2: Crimedemic with him?” Kyle shakes his head and Patrick lets out a sigh of relief. That would have been too much for his heart to handle. “It was also Tango & Cash.” Patrick grasps for a nearby telephone pole to steady himself and instead finds himself grasping onto the rock hard bicep of Jamie. “We just wanted to come over and thank you,” Jamie says, cuddling up to Samantha. “That 2003 Celtics themed dinner consisting of PB&J sandwiches was exactly what I needed to tell Samantha how I truly feel.” When Jamie pauses to look over at Samantha, Patrick smiles a little. Maybe the four steps hadn’t been quite as easy as he had advertised, but the proof was in the pudding and that pudding was the love… true love… that he could now see shining in Jamie’s eyes. “But,” Jamie continues, “I was selfish in thinking only about myself when it came to this themed dinner. Perhaps not everyone wants a dinner themed entirely around the 2003 Boston Celtics.” Samantha squeezes his hand reassuringly, but Jamie presses on. “No, no I think we want another dinner and this time I want to make sure it’s something we both want.” Patrick is pleased. He starts to imagine what he could do culinarily around themes such as World Peace or A Summer Picnic. Even as his mind whirls around the many possibilities, Jamie and Samantha look at each other and simultaneously belt out the chosen theme: 1997’s Spawn. What thuuuuu… That’s right! We are watching Spawn. I remember watching this film when it came out and loving it. Thought it was hilarious. I was eleven. Nice. Less nice is we are pairing this with An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn as our Bring a Friend. One of the many films that makes you look at the Razzies and go “seriously?”. Let’s go!

Spawn (1997) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 66

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.2%; Higher BMeT: Batman & Robin, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Home Alone 3, Steel, Mr. Magoo, Double Team, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Chairman of the Board; Higher Notability: Batman & Robin, Speed 2: Cruise Control, The Saint, Dante’s Peak, The Jackal, The Relic, The Postman, Flubber; Lower RT: Plump Fiction, The Peacekeeper, The Blackout, Fall, McHale’s Navy, Gone Fishin’, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, The Pest, ‘Til There Was You, An American Werewolf in Paris, Shadow Conspiracy, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag, Dangerous Ground, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, Steel, Mr. Magoo, Keys to Tulsa, Double Team, Chairman of the Board, and 15 more; Notes: I’m quite surprised by Batman & Robin (56 times on cable) and Speed 2: Cruise Control (64 times on cable). It must have been around this time people realized you could make boatloads putting relatively bad movies on cable a ton. Six of nine for the higher BMeT films, so this makes 7 of the top 10. The other three are, not surprisingly, the three kids’ films.

RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – “Spawn” is best seen as an experimental art film. It walks and talks like a big budget horror film, heavy on special effects and pitched at the teenage audience, and maybe that’s how it will be received. But it’s more impressive if you ignore the genre and just look at what’s on the screen. What we have here are creators in several different areas doing their best to push the envelope. The subject is simply an excuse for their art–just as it always is with serious artists.

(Wow, incredible review. I don’t necessarily disagree only because McFarlane is all about pushing the envelope, so it makes sense in a way. I still think the movie is pretty dumb and the acting bad though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AypOgfPJWDU/

(On the verge of creation? What does that mean? By the way, this trailer could not be darker. And at times there is a strange white box on top and bottom, and the entire thing is in 4:3? Something tells me this isn’t the official trailer. It really really sucks.)

Directors – Mark A.Z. Dippé – ( Known For: Marmaduke; The Reef 2: High Tide; The Boxcar Children; The Boxcar Children – Surprise Island; BMT: Spawn; Notes: He was mostly a visual effects artist. This was pretty much his first directed film.)

Writers – Todd McFarlane – ( Known For: Spider-Man 3; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Venom: The Last Dance; Future BMT: Venom; BMT: Spawn; Notes: Won an Emmy for the animated HBO series of Spawn.)

Alan B. McElroy – ( Known For: Wrong Turn; Fractured; Wrong Turn; Tekken; Rapid Fire; Thr3e; Future BMT: The Perfect Guy; BMT: Spawn; Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; The Marine; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Left Behind: The Movie; Notes: Rapid Fire was a Brandon Lee film. We will obviously be watching The Crow this year since the bizarre remake is coming out.)

Mark A.Z. Dippé – ( Notes: This was his only real writing effort. He has something in development called Wicked City which sounds fake.)

Actors – Michael Jai White – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; Dragged Across Concrete; Black Dynamite; Blood and Bone; Freaky Deaky; 2 Days in the Valley; Why Did I Get Married?; Accident Man; Triple Threat; Falcon Rising; Skin Trade; Black Friday; Breakfast of Champions; Generation Iron; The Toxic Avenger Part II; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; City of Industry; Tactical Force; The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie; Vigilante Diaries; Future BMT: Why Did I Get Married Too?; Ringmaster; BMT: Universal Soldier; Spawn; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Exit Wounds; Universal Soldier: The Return; On Deadly Ground; Notes: Yeah, we’ve seem him in a lot of things. We even saw him in weird things like the Sudden Death sequel. Let’s plan on Ballistic at some point.)

John Leguizamo – ( Known For: John Wick; Ice Age; John Wick: Chapter 2; The Menu; Die Hard 2; Moulin Rouge!; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Encanto; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; The Lincoln Lawyer; Romeo + Juliet; Chef; Carlito’s Way; Doctor Dolittle; Violent Night; Land of the Dead; American Ultra; Assault on Precinct 13; The Infiltrator; Sisters; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Counselor; Ice Age: Collision Course; The Fan; Out for Justice; Love in the Time of Cholera; Revenge; Miracle at St. Anna; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Playing with Fire; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; The Pest; Empire; The Honeymooners; Whispers in the Dark; BMT: The Happening; Gamer; Ride Along; Repo Men; Righteous Kill; Collateral Damage; Spawn; Super Mario Bros.; One for the Money; Notes: Nominated for two and one one Emmy for his stand up special Freak. Then he’s been nominated for two recent miniseries in Waco and When They See Us. The Fan is probably the movie I’m most excited to eventually see by him.)

Martin Sheen – ( Known For: The Departed; Catch Me If You Can; Apocalypse Now; The Amazing Spider-Man; The Amazing Spider-Man 2; Gandhi; JFK; Wall Street; Seeking a Friend for the End of the World; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Selma; Judas and the Black Messiah; Badlands; The Dead Zone; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; The American President; Bobby; The Way; Gettysburg; The Double; Future BMT: Love Happens; The Believers; Hear No Evil; BMT: Spawn; Firestarter; Lost & Found; Notes: He was nominated for ten Emmys (and a few Daytime Emmys). He only won one, for a guest spot on Murphy Brown. The funniest cable movie I found was Boca which appears to be a dumb 9 1/2 Weeks knockoff.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $54,870,175 (Worldwide: $87,840,042)

(I mean, worldwide maybe, although given the year it probably didn’t do that well. Pretty close to breaking even, probably did on rental and home video in the end.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (8/47): Spawn is an overbearing, over-violent film that adds little to the comic book adaptation genre.

(Over violent is a bit weird I suppose. That does add something to the comic book adaptation genre. This was a fairly abnormal R-rated comic book movie.)

Reviewer Highlight: A moodily malevolent, anything-goes revenge fantasy that relies more upon special visual and digitally animated effects for its intended appeal than any comics-derived sci-fier to date. – Todd McCarthy, Variety

Poster – More like Yawn

(I’d have been excited for this film. It looks cool. Nice font. Overall it does the job and it does it efficiently. B+)

Tagline(s) – Born in darkness. Sworn to justice. (B)

(Sure. It’s not the most clever of taglines. I also quibble a little with it. I’m not a Spawn expert but I’m not sure I’d categorize his work (particularly in this film) as being “sworn to justice.” He’s still hellspawn, no? Anyway, this has some flow to it and is concise. Not bad even if possibly a bit inaccurate.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 58.0 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (1997-1997): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 57.6 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 57.6 Flubber (1997), 54.4 Gone Fishin’ (1997), 53.1 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.4 The Pest (1997), 51.6 Kull the Conqueror (1997), …

(Obviously the best option from 1997. I wouldn’t have been opposed to something like The Pest though. That’s a weird as fuck movie too.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Leguizamo is No. 3 billed in Spawn and No. 4 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 4) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Martin Sheen agreed to star in this movie because he always wanted to star in a comic book movie. He later played another comic book role, Uncle Ben in The Amazing Spider-Man (2012).

John Leguizamo ate live waxworms on pizza for this film. He then vomited immediately after the take was wrapped.

Tim Burton was the original choice to direct.

Michael Jai White found Al Simmons’ character appealing; he described Spawn as “the most tragic character I’ve encountered in any cinematic production.” He says it was a challenge to make audiences sympathize with a government assassin who comes back from hell. White had to endure two to four hours of make-up work, including a full glued-on bodysuit, yellow contact lenses that irritated his eyes, and a mask that restricted his breathing. He said that his long-time experience with martial arts helped him endure the uncomfortable prosthetics, giving him “strong will and unbreakable concentration.”

Michael Jai White was actually set on fire for one scene.

Major League: Back to the Minors Recap

Jamie

Major League: Back to the Minors has one specific BMT muscle it can flex and it better flex it because (hooooo doggy) that movie doesn’t have any other BMT leg to stand on. If you right now wanted to watch Major League: Back to the Minors you could. You would have to pay about $4 to stream it, but you could do that. We don’t like to do that at BMTHQ. Why not? Because we are brary bros and we support our local public library system. It’s a beautiful thing to engage in the community and receive the treasure that is a DVD and Blu-ray’s in the mail. It brings a tear to my eye. So could we do that with Major League: Back to the Minors? No. Not a single hard copy of the film exists in my library system or Patrick’s. It’s rare, but it does happen. Our local libraries looked at Major League: Back to the Minors, assessed its value to the community and said “nah.” Were we deterred? No! I sent out the brary bro signal to the heavens and got it from a different library system through a third brary bro. All this to say, you too can be a brary bro. Thanks Brary Bro Network (BBN)!

To recap, uh… Dorn is back, Jack?! I guess our boy Dorn didn’t learn his lesson from briefly owning the Indians and now he owns the Twins. He brings in Gus Cantrell as the coach of their AAA team, The Buzz. Gus is an aging pitcher on his last legs, but he knows what it takes to make a team. He ain’t taking guff from anyone, even his star player. Tanaka is back. Pedro is back. Rube is back. Some other guys. The minor league team is naturally a mess, in part because they are a bunch of misfits (you don’t say) and in part because they don’t work together (you don’t double say). Gus has a rivalry with the Twins manager, Leonard Huff, and as his team shapes up he finds himself challenging the Twins to an exhibition. They end up playing the Twins strong and Huff decides to shut off the stadium lights rather than risk losing. Everyone kind of knows the Twins choked and so Huff calls up the Buzz’s star player, Billy Anderson. Gus insists he’s not ready, but ultimately Billy chooses to go. Gus is able to rally his team and when Billy is sent back down, Gus helps him become a better player. Gus ends up challenging Huff again. The bet? If the Twins win, Huff gets Gus’s salary. If the Buzz win, Gus becomes the Twins manager. Long story short the Buzz win (duh), but Gus is like “I’d rather coach in the minors and not make way more money and shit. Whatever.” THE END.

Woooooooooooooof. This is an anti-comedy. Were there jokes? I can’t remember. My brain refused to comprehend that this was a film that was worth ingesting. No wonder the library systems didn’t have copies of this film. It probably acts like a black hole and sucks up and destroys the films that surround it. This really feels like a film where jokes were written and then some baseball consultant came in and removed them in order to add more baseball details. There is so much discussion of baseball strategy and it’s soooo booorrrrring. This is the most useless film of all time. Who wanted this? Why was this released to theaters? The fact that this qualified for BMT puts our whole venture into question. We must forget this happened. Trash this one. Junk it.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Gus would take the Twins job. This was a dude trying to pull a “frozen ball” trick in Class A+. He was no where near playing seriously anymore and had no managing experience. The fact that he is called on to manage a AAA team is a miracle. The fact that his team pulls another miracle and beats the Twins should let him know that it’s A-OK to take the money and hightail it to the majors. Once he’s a Major League manager he is set. Huge mistake. HUGE. Hot Take Temperature: A Minnesota summer.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me sitting in Twins Stadium very confused as to why the team is playing a Minor League team and people give a shit about an exhibition game* Let’s go!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF

This film is rough.

Check out the Major League II recap to learn about the delight that is Major League.

Alright, where to even begin. I suppose I should start with the good. There isn’t much. I enjoyed seeing a young Walter Goggins. And I liked the dumb ways they decided to bring people back even though the main character is a totally different person and the team isn’t even in the same system as the other films so that doesn’t even make a lick of sense.

The bad. I mean, the movie makes no sense. We are talking about minor league baseball here. No one cares about this. The idea that a minor league team goes on a tear and people are all jazzed up about it is nuts.

Equally nutty is the fact that people in Minnesota seem to care about the Twins (heyyyyyyooooooooooo). But for real, the idea that a sports fanbase would hate their coach so much they would actively root for their own farm team in a meaningless exhibition and like cheer the coach on in a restaurant. I lived through the Bobby Valentine era of the Red Sox and you’d just check out.

So mainly the bad is that the film is just incredibly dumb and nonsensical. It is a very light watch, but not one I would repeat.

So no I don’t really think it is a very BMT film. The second is. This is just the death throws of a series trying to figure out if a trilogy is even possible.

I’m still going to throw a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Minnesota here, I have no idea why they changed the team up except probably so they could play the final game in the Metrodome. Again a Worst Twist (How?) for the totally out of nowhere result that the good guys win and the bad guys lose. The film is Bad.

I assume we’ll learn all about Minor League baseball in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs