Tag: bmt 2023

Navy Seals Preview

“What up, Gutes? You watch Citizen Kane yet?” Jamie asks, as he and The Gutes do their top secret handshake. They briefly reminisce about their wild times living in Miami Beach before Steve starts a classic Gutes riff on the Dudikoff Center. “Pfff, this place is a joke. They can’t never make me watch Citizen Kane. Bad movies 4 life.” Sensing the tension rise in Jamie and Patrick he quickly adds, “but, you know, to each their own.” Seeing the dismay in Kyle’s eyes at their lives in Delaware really put things in perspective for them. Maybe this center was their best chance to turn things around. “So what is it, Gutes?” Patrick says seriously. Gutes coughs and hands over a scroll, “Uh, you know much about this place?” Jamie and Patrick shake their heads and Gutes starts to explain, “it’s all very mysterious. Lots of money. Lots of jewels. Drake Dudikoff was just a front, the real man behind the money was his brother Charlie.” Jamie and Patrick crinkle their brow looking over the scroll that Gutes has handed them. It looks like a cryptic map of the Center. “So this is a map to some gold, I assume,” Patrick sighs, “and you need us to help you find it. Gutes…” The Gutes puts up his hands innocently and tries to quickly explain, “No, no. Not help, really, just get me started. You guys were always the brains to my muscles… and let’s be real, the muscles to my ineffable charm, right?” Jamie and Patrick are flattered. They look back at the map. “What’s this?” Jamie says pointing at the Center’s harbor/aquatic fitness center where one word stands out “TESTAROSSA.” The Gutes is smiling. “Exactly, that’s the only word in Charlie’s handwriting. So will you take the mission?” That’s right! We are indeed taking on a very serious mission by watching the Biehn/Sheen classic Navy SEALs. Well… classic might be a strong word, but it’s a classic on our hearts. Let’s go!

Navy Seals (1990) – BMeTric: 41.8; Notability: 34

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.2%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.9%; Higher BMeT: Captain America, Look Who’s Talking Too, Rocky V, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Ghost Dad, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Graveyard Shift, Repossessed, Soultaker, Problem Child, Fire Birds, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Navy Seals; Higher Notability: RoboCop 2, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Predator 2, Days of Thunder, Jetsons: The Movie, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Air America, Captain America, Young Guns II, Marked for Death, The Rookie, Rocky V, Stella, Bird on a Wire, Revenge, Ghost Dad, Another 48 Hrs., Mr. Destiny, Funny About Love, Loose Cannons, and 17 more; Lower RT: Problem Child, Graveyard Shift, Death Warrant, Repossessed, Madhouse, Loose Cannons, Soultaker, Funny About Love, The End of Innocence, Ghost Dad, Spaced Invaders, Fire Birds, Meet the Applegates, Where the Heart Is, Heart Condition, Ernest Goes to Jail, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Opportunity Knocks, Captain America, Air America, and 8 more; Notes: Kind of a funny movie in that I feel like I vaguely knew about this film, but I was always surprised when I stumbled onto it. Interestingly low scale for a big military looking film.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Middle Eastern terrorists are mere putty in the hands of U.S. Navy’s elite commando unit (SEa, Air, Land); “inspired” by the actual team formed under J.F.K.’s administration. G.I. Joe-level action is the name of the game here. Sheen’s character operates at the maturity level of Dennis the Menace.

(Semi-colon, add it to the spreadsheet boys. Nice zing at the end on Sheen, but really indeed stunts are the name of the game for this guy.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhIvjL3pccY/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhIvjL3pccY/

(MF-ing Orion. Basically looks like Stunts: The Movie. Impressive stuff though. “America’s Designated Hitters against terrorism”?!?! I love that. Was baseball / the designated hitter in the news around then? It did come out in mid-July, so I wonder if this was a trailer that would have been playing around the All-Star Game or something.)

Directors – Lewis Teague – ( Known For: Cujo; Death Race 2000; Alligator; The Jewel of the Nile; Cat’s Eye; The Big Red One; Collision Course; The Lady in Red; Dirty O’Neil; Wedlock; Fast Charlie… the Moonbeam Rider; Future BMT: Fighting Back; BMT: Navy Seals; Notes: Apparently was an apprentice of Sydney Pollack. His IMDb has a few funny stories as he was second unit director for things like Death Race 2000.)

Writers – Chuck Pfarrer – ( Known For: Hard Target; Darkman; Future BMT: The Jackal; Red Planet; BMT: Barb Wire; Virus; Navy Seals; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Barb Wire in 1997; Notes: He was a former SEAL. I have to assume this was his screenplay he was shopping around when he broke into the business in the 90s.)

Gary Goldman – ( Known For: Total Recall; Big Trouble in Little China; Future BMT: Next; BMT: Navy Seals; Notes: Not much about him, seems to have done a bunch of action basically and adaptations when called upon.)

Actors – Charlie Sheen – ( Known For: Major League; Platoon; Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; Red Dawn; Being John Malkovich; Young Guns; Wall Street; Hot Shots!; Badlands; Lucas; The Wraith; The Arrival; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; The Boys Next Door; Foodfight!; The Big Bounce; Catchfire; Grizzly II: Revenge; 9/11; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; The Three Musketeers; Scary Movie 4; Due Date; Machete Kills; Loaded Weapon 1; Major League II; Money Talks; The Rookie; Men at Work; Madea’s Witness Protection; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Scary Movie V; Navy Seals; Terminal Velocity; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Combo for Scary Movie 5 in 2014; Notes: Part of the extended Estevez/Sheen family tree of acting. A little bit of a rough go lately, but he was nominated for four Emmy for Two and a Half Men back in the day.)

Michael Biehn – ( Known For: Grease; The Rock; The Terminator; Aliens; Tombstone; Planet Terror; The Abyss; Grindhouse; Havoc; Bereavement; The Divide; Cherry Falls; Sushi Girl; Puncture; Stiletto; Deadfall; K2; The Fan; The Victim; Rampage; Future BMT: Take Me Home Tonight; Clockstoppers; The Seventh Sign; The Art of War; The Lords of Discipline; BMT: Jade; Navy Seals; Notes: One of those cult favorite actors for people. Probably because he appeared in both the Alien and Terminator franchises and so was one of those “that guys” of the 90s. Was a voice actor in a podcast series about Alien III? Looks to be maybe a table read of the original script.)

Joanne Whalley – ( Known For: Willow; Pink Floyd: The Wall; Twixt; Scandal; Paul, Apostle of Christ; Kill Me Again; Flood; Mother’s Boys; The Guilty; 44 Inch Chest; Crossing the Line; Muse; Dance with a Stranger; Love Is Love Is Love; Storyville; The Good Father; Played; Birth of the Beatles; Before You Go; No Surrender; Future BMT: The Man Who Knew Too Little; A Good Man in Africa; Trial by Jury; BMT: Navy Seals; Notes: I’ve seen her in a bunch of stuff recently. But she’s notably Sorsha in Willow which she reprised in the television series. Was married to Val Kilmer for a time, and is the mother of Jack Kilmer.)

Budget/Gross – $21 million / Domestic: $25,069,101 (Worldwide: $25,069,101)

(Atrocious. I’m a bit surprised though. I would have imagined a summer action film doing at least reasonable business.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (6/33): A non-winning military recruitment progaganda movie that happens to star Charlie Sheen and Michael Biehn.

(Ha! That happens to star them. Pretty good. I mean, a bunch of them die, but I guess I could see the argument that it is high testosterone “only we can fix this problem!” stuff that is kind of annoying.)

NY Times Short Review: Hostages.

Poster – Navy SEALs: The Movie

(I love this poster. Check out that submarine on the bottom and the burning city on top. It’s telling a story, my friends, a real story. Check out the title! The only thing you could say is that it’s a little busy. I got one word for that: No. A.)

Tagline(s) – America’s top secret weapon. (C-)

(I probably should give this a D, but it’s not like it’s totally uninteresting. I think you’re supposed to think “What are they talking about? A big ol’ tank?” then you see that it’s people and you’re like “Woah, I better check this out.” But nah, too generic.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.3 Zapped! (1982)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Rambo III (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Action): 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 45.7 Sidekicks (1992), 45.4 Excess Baggage (1997), 44.8 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 44.3 DeepStar Six (1989), 43.8 Pink Cadillac (1989), 41.9 Navy Seals (1990), 41.6 V.I. Warshawski (1991), 40.8 Iron Eagle (1986), 40.4 Loose Cannons (1990), 40.4 The Delta Force (1986), 39.7 Invasion U.S.A. (1985), 38.3 Action Jackson (1988), … (and many more)

(Again, we are hitting up maybe not the top guy, but this was a fun one without too much flotsam floating around. I should mention that the odd films from like 2021 in there? Those are mistakes. I’m still cleaning the data a bit.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 7 billed in Navy Seals and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (7 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 19. If we were to watch Shadow Conspiracy, The Art of War, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The actors spent two weeks in an intensive SEAL-style “boot camp.” In the end, it was actors versus SEALs in a final “war game” showdown. The SEALs are reported to have graciously said that the actors made a good showing for themselves.

Originally, the men were going to play touch-football. But Bill Paxton felt the scene was too similar to the volleyball scene in Top Gun (1986). So he suggested that they play golf instead. Most of the golf sequence was directed by Paxton with a second unit crew.

In an interview, Michael Biehn stated that working on this film was “probably the worst experience of my life”.

Several events in this movie are inspired by Chuck Pfarrer’s real SEAL career.

‘Chief Dave’ one of several real-life SEALs who would later play themselves in the film ‘Act of Valor’ cites this film as his first introduction to the world of SEALs and inspired him to join them.

Despite those named in the credits, the film went through many different drafts by several writers. In one draft, Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) sacrifices himself to rescue Curran (Michael Biehn), who ends up with the love interest. In another version, Curran is killed off rescuing some kids, and Hawkins and Claire Varrens (Joanne Whalley) are left to mourn his passing. Also in one of those drafts, Curran is an accomplished boxer who squares off in a fight with Hawkins, who’s into karate. The golf sequence in the film was a concession when the film’s leads objected to a Top Gun (1986)-style scene with knife-throwing contests and bikini bimbos.

Chuck Pfarrer, the film’s co-screenwriter and a former Navy Seal, plays an uncredited part as an officer on the aircraft carrier who debriefs the Seal team after their first mission, his character being the one getting into a heated discussion with Lt. Curran (Michael Biehn) regarding the Stinger missiles. Many of the missions seen in the film are based on real top secret missions that Pfarrer had himself taken part in.

Much of the filming took place in and around Norfolk, Virginia, home to world’s largest Naval fleet. The production crew was able to shoot key scenes in such restricted areas as the Norfolk base and its training grounds.

When discovered by a terrorist who tries to speak to him, Hawkins shoots him without answering, then says, “Boring conversation. Leader, we’re gonna have company!” imitating a similar line by Han Solo in Star Wars (1977).

In the warehouse scenes with the missiles, the containers have markings that refer to the “Redeye” M41 missile system, a predecessor to the “Stinger” that is referred to in the film.

During the segment at the golf course, Leary (Rick Rossovich) is seen wearing a Martini Ranch t-shirt. Bill Paxton, who plays Dane, was a member of the ’80s rock band Martini Ranch.

The character of Dane, callsign “God”, played by Bill Paxton, is the Seal Team sniper and uses a Barrett M82A1. It is a recoil-operated, semi-automatic sniper system capable of firing high powered .50 caliber rounds at military equipment and enemy personnel. The weapon in the film is outfitted with a combination Thermal Imaging Sight and Star Light Scope.

The film was partly shot in Spain. The submarines, warships, helicopters, and planes that are seen in the film mostly belong to the Spanish Navy/Air Force, which gave the production full co-operation. In one scene, set on an aircraft carrier, you can actually see a Spanish flag flying in the background while the Seals are on the ship’s elevator being raised from the hangar up to the deck, ready to set off on their final mission.

Former SEAL Chuck Pfarrer was the film’s co-writer and technical advisor. To help ensure the film’s accuracy, Pfarrer enlisted eight additional former Navy SEALs to train the actors in their roles and, occasionally, perform specialized stunts. The producer Bernard Williams explains: “A lot more than stunt work was involved, however. Each actor had a SEAL double to whom he could turn for help in handling weapons or perfecting SEAL techniques. They were an on-the-spot source of vital research, to make the movie as much like the real thing as possible”.

The Ready Room Bar and Pizza is still open although a fire destroyed many of the memorabilia items signed by the cast.

Cocoon: The Return Recap

Jamie

You are Franchise Man. It’s March 27, 1993. Every day is harder than the last, but it’s your job and you love it. You wake up bright and early for an 8:30am showing of Curse of the Fly on Cinemax, which gives you just enough time to catch the 11am airing of The Ewok Adventure on Disney. You stretch your legs and crack your back as you wait the hour for the 2pm showing of Airport 1975 on TBS. You’ve seen it before so you skip the last half hour to hit up Cocoon: The Return on Showtime and follow that up with The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, and Xtro II: The Second Encounter. The big boss congratulates you for another job well done. You get home and flip your personal TV to channel 11 for a 2am showing of Citizen Kane. It is your secret shame. This is a day in the life of Franchise Man. Fin.

To recap, an old man drops a snow globe and whispers “Rosebud.” … no wait, sorry, wrong movie. The Cocoon gang (and Gutes) are back, Jack! And boy, are they missing Earth. Turns out that going off to live for eternity as glowing aliens has some drawbacks (namely, it’s super weird). So when the aliens have to return to Earth to try one last time to rescue their friends, our favorite geezers come along for the ride. Bernie is quite happy to see them and foregoes committing suicide to pal around with his old friends (fun!). But things go a little sideways when they are all super weird old people and Bernie is like “stop being so weird.” Mix in the fact that Ben’s grandson is a super weenie in need of a father figure, Joe’s cancer returns at the same time that his wife gets hit by a car and needs his special lifeforce to survive (geez), and Art and Alma find out they’re pregnant (at their age!) and things are getting rough. Not to mention that a local research facility has stumbled upon a cocoon and taken it to study. Gutes and the gang decide on a rescue and Art, Ben, Kitty, the Gutes, and Ben’s weenie grandson head on in. While in there they are caught by a researcher, but she is also dismayed by the treatment of the alien and lets them go. They return to the Gutes’ boat and everyone prepares to leave, except that Ben and his family decide to stay behind too. After the aliens depart, the Gutes is kinda sad because he wanted to have alien sex with Kitty, but then he meets the scientist who helped them out and realizes that she is the woman that Kitty told him he would fall in love with. So he’s happy to have regular ol’ human sex with this one. THE END.  

Oh boy. Oh deary Cocoon: The Return. I can’t even say, ‘what have you become?’ The truth is that Cocoon was always weird. It is just wild to have a film where a bunch of old people swim with some cocoons, feel super spry, and proceed through a series of montages where they totally sex up their wives real good. That’s pretty much 70% of the original film. Already weird. The sequel triples down on that concept while adding in a bunch of fluff. There is a beach scene that is so offputting that it should have resulted in an X rating. Then half the film is them doing mundane Earth stuff (e.g. Ben teaching his grandson how to hit a single) and being like “boy I miss this.” Sure… but did we have to see it? The real problem is that I wasn’t a big fan of the first film… so the objectively worse and totally redundant sequel was not for me. One positive note: I thought Elaine Stritch was good in this one. Made up for the Bernie character being reduced to a series of inexplicable impression gags. So my conclusion: give me more Cocoon. I am Franchise Guy.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This whole thing is bullshit. They have never, across two films, explained any rationale why this group of randos got to go into space to live forever. They aren’t even particularly good or nice people. The aliens should have found a bunch of better people to take with them. Speaking of that, why didn’t any of the other old people that went away in the first film return to Earth for this little excursion? What makes these jokesters so special? That’s my hot take: this film should have been about the aliens returning the old people to Earth cause they realized that they made a big mistake and then the old people have to make amends with everyone they left behind who now also hate them. Hot Take Temperature: Body Heat.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! A bunch of aliens decide to grant the gift of eternal life to … a bunch of really old people? Brutal choice. Let’s go!

  • I’ll hop back onto effectively Jamie’s Hot Take: It is absurd that the aliens are like “these morons who botched our operation because they got into a fight in their old folks home and killed one of our friends … yeah, let’s go with them as far as granting eternal life.” Like … a few guys in the Navy maybe? I guess they have some life experience? But they aren’t like hey, maybe we should snag a scientist and junk. It’s insane!
  • Also locks? Ever heard of them?
  • Oh sorry, this isn’t the place to complain about the original surprising hit from the era of “The Old Guys Still Got It!” that brought us smash hits like Grumpy Old Men. I’ll say, the film is pleasant enough, but I really find it interesting that people were enjoying a bunch of old actors in a, frankly, not very funny sci-fi comedy. It would have been remembered like Batteries Not Included if they didn’t make the sequel.
  • The sequel finds The Gutes grimly selling garbage in Florida (living the life…) and for no reason a bunch of old people remembering that literally being on the verge of death was nice I guess. It is already an absurd premise.
  • But what do you expect from this era? They would make a film that is basically like “remember Don Ameche? It’s him but aliens.” and people were falling all over themselves to give them money. What could they do?
  • So as I said, the premise, which is basically just “Hey remember how it took us a thousand years to come and get our friends last time? Well, turns out it only takes us like five years to get here, so we’re back, oh and we have to get them again.”
  • Add in a basketball scene to replace the original’s dance scene.
  • And add in a love interest for the Gutes that isn’t an alium.
  • The end, you have your movie. Everyone complains a lot, and the guy who literally almost kills himself at the beginning of this film decides not to, but he still doesn’t go with them. Dumb.
  • The acting is … it isn’t good. Honestly, it wasn’t that good in the first, but the novelty has worn off and the writing is so lazy the house of cards falls down (where have I experienced this before … oh yeah, Grumpier Old Men. What an era!)
  • They still don’t explain how The Gutes got out of his 30 counts of negligent homicide. THEY HAD A FUNERAL. He’s the last person to see all of them. It was his boat they were on (which is now gone). He says something to the effect of “Oh man, I got in a lot of trouble for that.” You mean like the 20 years in prison you should have been sentenced to? Then six of these people come back, one of them dies, and three of them stay? How are they explaining that? Where are the 24 friends you were with? Cuba?! Legit, it is a giant plot hole that is maybe okay to forget about for a one off nonsense film, but they don’t even really try and lampshade it for the second one. It is a bit nuts.
  • Some hilarious Product Placement (What?) like Quaker Oats which is front and center in a cooking scene early in the film. Definitely Setting as a Character (Where?) for Florida. I think that’s it. Definite BMT film, what an odd film.

Alright, well, go check out Cocoon: The Protector of the Gem in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Cocoon: The Return Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I found some aliums in a pool house and then while feeling all young and spry I did a double back flip off the diving board and really Louganis’d it. Now I have a massive concussion (but I still won the gold! I think. I don’t remember). Do you remember what happened in Cocoon: The Return?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Oh snap the aliums are back Jack. Well, what is The Gutes doing (besides presumably evading the authorities for his 30 counts of negligent homicide)?

2) And why are the aliums back?

3) But uh oh, the aliums have a new problem! What is it?

4) So six of them come back. How many go back with the aliums? And why do some of them go and some of them stay?

5) Well then, what is their grand plan for saving their allium friend?

Bonus Question: 

Answers

Cocoon: The Return Preview

“This is not good,” Jamie says as they eye the sign that reads “Dudikoff Center for Bad Movie Rehabilitation.” It was their only choice after being confronted with Scott Bakula and their friends and family. Scott explained how he actually wasn’t killed by a demon monster like they thought. “It was all part of my own bad movie addiction, same with pretending to be your father. I’m sorry. But here… this is what saved me. What can save you, too,” he said before handing them a brochure for the Dudikoff Center. They had agreed. Good Movie Twins and Citizen Kane would have to go on hold while they do what needs to be done. When they walk into the center, though, they are surprised to find that they have one task before going to their first meeting: watch Citizen Kane. They smile. Maybe this will work out after all. They head to their room and fire up the DVD player, but just as they get to the part where some old fuddy duddy drops a snow globe like a dope they hear a crack on the glass of their window. They hear it again and head over to check out what’s going on. Far below in them in the courtyard is none other than Steve Guttenberg. “Yo Gutes, what you doing here?” Jamie calls down to him. “Same as you,” he says shrugging, “I heard you were here and I got something to show you.” Jamie begins to turn from the window and Patrick grabs his arm. “We don’t have time to do this,” he hisses, “we are here to watch CK and get back to business.” But Jamie yanks his arm away. “It’s the Gutes,” he says in disgust, “he’s back… and he needs our help.” That’s right! We’re watching Cocoon: The Return, the sequel to the surprise Ron Howard hit. The Gutes is back, Jack and palling around with a bunch of aliens and old people. Not sure which is scarier, heeeyyyyy-oooooo. Let’s go!

Cocoon: The Return (1988) – BMeTric: 44.7; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 2.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.4%; Higher BMeT: Caddyshack II, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Red Scorpion; Higher Notability: Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien; Lower RT: Two Moon Junction, Johnny Be Good, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Fresh Horses, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Watchers, Illegally Yours, Hot to Trot, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat, Vibes, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, The Prince of Pennsylvania, The Seventh Sign, 976-EVIL, The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking, Poltergeist III, and 15 more; Notes: That is a nice notability I must say. Still a long way to go with 1988 according to the BMeTric though.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – At the end of “Cocoon,” some senior citizens were lifted into the sky by a beam of light from a hovering spacecraft and taken to live on a planet where nobody ever got tired, and nobody ever grew old. Now they are back on Earth. Why did they return from their other-worldly paradise? It is too easy to give the cynical answer – because they were needed for the sequel – but I am afraid the movie comes up with no better justification.

(Ha! Sounds about right. The first film doesn’t really bother answering a bunch of questions as well, so making a sequel might have been a bit of an own goal at times. How is Guttenberg not in jail for example … he killed like 30 old people (the authorities would be absolutely convinced of this).)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_refo9m6Pvs/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_refo9m6Pvs/

(BASKETBALL SCENE ALERT. Add it to the spreadsheet boys. But also, what is up with the trailer. The picture was changing ratio a bunch and was also rounded corners like it was a projector image or something. Odd stuff.)

Directors – Daniel Petrie – ( Known For: Lifeguard; Six Pack; A Raisin in the Sun; Fort Apache the Bronx; Lassie; Resurrection; The Betsy; Rocket Gibraltar; The Bay Boy; Buster and Billie; Square Dance; The Neptune Factor; The Idol; Stolen Hours; The Spy with a Cold Nose; The Bramble Bush; The Main Attraction; The Assistant; BMT: Cocoon: The Return; Notes: Nominated for 9 Emmys and won 3, all for like specials or children’s programs and stuff. His son is a famous screenwriter, he wrote Beverly Hills Cop.)

Writers – David Saperstein – ( Known For: Cocoon; Beyond the Stars; A Killing Affair; BMT: Cocoon: The Return; Notes: A holdover from Cocoon. He also maybe wrote the TMNT Coming Out of Their Shell Tour? A little unclear, he was involved.)

Stephen McPherson – ( BMT: Cocoon: The Return; Notes: Mostly a TV writer, including an episode of the Poltergeist: The Legacy television series.)

Elizabeth Bradley – ( BMT: Cocoon: The Return; Notes: Did a bunch of stuff on television around the time, like script supervision. Also wrote a TV Movie with McPherson called Secrets of the Bermuda Triangle.)

Actors – Don Ameche – ( Known For: Trading Places; Coming to America; Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey; Cocoon; Harry and the Hendersons; Heaven Can Wait; Midnight; Sleep, My Love; Things Change; Love Is News; The Boatniks; In Old Chicago; Wing and a Prayer; Picture Mommy Dead; Slightly French; Alexander’s Ragtime Band; The Story of Alexander Graham Bell; Moon Over Miami; Suppose They Gave a War and Nobody Came; The Three Musketeers; Future BMT: Corrina, Corrina; Folks!; BMT: Oscar; Cocoon: The Return; Notes: Don Ameche won the Oscar for Supporting Actor for Cocoon … won. Not nominated. He won it. He’s also famous for Trading Places, as the voice of Shadow in Homeward Bound, and in the past for Heaven Can Wait.)

Wilford Brimley – ( Known For: The Thing; Cocoon; The Firm; The Natural; True Grit; Hard Target; Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins; In & Out; Tender Mercies; My Fellow Americans; The China Syndrome; 10 to Midnight; Absence of Malice; Last of the Dogmen; Brubaker; The Hotel New Hampshire; High Road to China; Lawman; The Electric Horseman; Borderline; Future BMT: Harry & Son; BMT: Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Cocoon: The Return; Notes: He was very notably much younger than the rest of the Cocoon cast. He is probably most famous, oddly, for the Liberty Medical commercials he did for years.)

Courteney Cox – ( Known For: Scream VI; Scream; Scream; Scream 4; Scream 2; Scream 3; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; The Tripper; Mothers and Daughters; Down Twisted; The Runner; The Shrink Is In; November; Commandments; Blue Desert; Shaking the Tree; Future BMT: The Longest Yard; Bedtime Stories; Zoom; Barnyard; Mr. Destiny; The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them; BMT: Masters of the Universe; 3000 Miles to Graceland; Cocoon: The Return; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for 3000 Miles to Graceland in 2002; Notes: Kind of insane but she was nominated for one Emmy ever … for the Friends: Reunion Special. She was never nominated for Friends. The rest of the cast were all nominated at least once, although Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer both once each fairly late into the run.)

Budget/Gross – $17.5 million / Domestic: $18,924,919 (Worldwide: $25,024,919)

(Given the budget that is maybe not at bad as I would expect. I guess I would have figured it would have had a higher cast cost.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (4/13)

(Ah sweet I get to make a consensus: Lacking a raison d’etre, Cocoon: The Return mostly just feels like the first one done again for no reason.)

NY Times Short Review: Disappointing Sequel. 

Poster – Old People & Aliens 2: Even Older

(I wish they didn’t have the pictures at the bottom. It’s kinda nice otherwise. Good colors and artistic. Given some credit to the font since they carry over the linked O’s from the first film. Not bad. B+.)

Tagline(s) – This holiday season, journey to the most wonderful place in the universe… home. (B-)

(Like the poster they need to knock off the front of this one and then it would be way better. With that tacked on it’s lamer and too long. I think I would have really liked it if that wasn’t there so it still gets a decent grade.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.3 Zapped! (1982)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Rambo III (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Comedy): 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.3 Zapped! (1982), 45.7 Sidekicks (1992), 45.4 Excess Baggage (1997), 44.8 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 44.8 Dunston Checks In (1996), 44.6 Cocoon: The Return (1988), 43.8 Pink Cadillac (1989), … (and many more)

(You’d be surprised at how many options we got. Obviously the keyword figure itself it basically limited to the 90s since that is (mostly) the extent to which I got data. Franchise Guy would be happy though, look at all them bad sequels that were playing on television in the 90s.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Courteney Cox is No. 3 billed in Cocoon: The Return and No. 3 billed in 3000 Miles to Graceland, which also stars Kurt Russell (No. 1 billed) who is in Tango & Cash (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Bedtime Stories we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Brian Dennehy is seen at the end of the film, reprising his role as Walter the alien leader. Dennehy agreed to reprise his role from the first film as a favor to his castmates, and accepted no payment for doing so.

Ron Howard refused to have any association with the film, feeling concerned that the whole point of the first film would immediately be squandered.

The entire main cast of Cocoon (1985) returned for this sequel.

Ron Howard passed on directing the film and directed Willow (1988) instead.

This was Jack Gilford’s final film before his death on June 2, 1990 at the age of 81.

Producers Richard D. Zanuck and Lili Fini Zanuck, co-owned the rights to the sequel with 20th Century Fox. Initially opposed to the concept of a second film, they only went ahead with it out of a need to preserve the integrity of the original. As it transpired, Lili, who was very much opposed to doing a sequel, had only nominal interest, as she was busy prepping her own directorial debut, Rush (1991).

The movie David (Barret Oliver) is watching in his room at the beginning of the movie is ‘Breaking Away’ starring Dennis Christopher and Dennis Quaid.

The St. Petersburg Oceanographic Institute facility seen in this film (where the Antarean was kept for observation) is actually the University of Miami’s Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences Center located on Virginia Key just outside of Miami.

Just as the first film, the cast includes three Oscar winners: Don Ameche, Jessica Tandy, and Maureen Stapleton; and two Oscar nominees: Hume Cronyn and Jack Gilford.

The Good Son Recap

Jamie

The Good Son is a good movie… and by that I mean the last movie we watched in the “good movie” series. It’s also the first in the series of films we watched that aired on the same date as Citizen Kane. On December 30, 1994, The Good Son aired in the primo 10pm spot on Cinemax. Earlier in the day on AMC, 5pm to be exact, Citizen Kane aired. Phew. No need for a Sophie’s Choice on this one. You have plenty of time to watch CK, eat dinner, smooch the wife, put the kids to bed, and fire up The Good Son. “But Daddy! I want to watch the Culkin film too!” They’ll scream. No, no children, this one’s for Mom and Dad. Then you waggle your eyebrows cause you just noticed that Body of Evidence comes on at 12:30am. It’s gonna be a looong night. How do we know all this? Cause Patrick has a big ol’ genius brain that can rip apart the nytimes tv listings and produce pristine movie data for our perusal. We’re through the looking glass, folks. Cycles in BMT will never be the same.

To recap, Elijah Wood’s mom is dying, but understandably he can’t cope with that so he promises that she won’t die (he won’t let her) which then kinda fucks him up when she does die. His dad just needs ONE BIG DEAL so that he can be there for his son forever, so he sends him to Maine to stay with his bro and his family. They have also not too long ago come through a tragedy. Their little baby accidentally drowned in the bath. But they still have Macaulay Culkin and his younger sister and are happy to have a third kid in the house. Elijah is having a grand old time with Macaulay… that is until he starts doing some real bad stuff. Like he creates a gun that shoots nails and kills a dog and then he drops a mannequin onto a busy road and causes a big crash. Elijah is legit like WTF, mate?!?! But every time he tries to tell someone they don’t believe him or Macaulay is one step ahead of him, expressing concern over Elijah or Macaulay is like “you better not tell” in a creepy kid voice. He then starts threatening his little sister and Elijah becomes focused on keeping her safe… unfortunately he snoozes on the job and Macaulay is able to fling her through the ice while skating. She survives but Elijah starts to get the mom thinking. She decides to take Macaulay for a walk and confront him. This results in Macaulay using his super human brain and strength to throw her from a cliff where she is left dangling. Elijah finds them and starts to battle Macaulay and before they roll off the cliff together, the mom is able to climb back up and grab them both. Now it really is a Sophie’s Choice as she has to decide between the angelic nephew and the full blown serial killer son. She chooses Elijah and drops Macaulay to his death. THE END.

Well they did it guys. They actually did it. They made a movie where a mom had to look in the eyes of her psycho child and drop him off a cliff to the rocks below. I really didn’t think they had the guts. But they did. My main assessment of this film is that it effectively accomplishes the creepy kid psycho movie that it was trying to make with some decent writing. You can certainly quibble with the accuracy of Macaulay’s character. And you can definitely agree with Ebert that this is a real miscast of Macaulay Culkin both for the reason that Ebert is railing against (this looks like a kids movie when it is not), but also because Culin plays it very similar to Home Alone. His same Culkin kinda flat delivery. He doesn’t seem to make a choice on how to play the sociopath character. He just plays it kinda like himself. Overall I kinda liked it though. I was engaged.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I do not buy that in a matter of weeks Culkin’s character goes from perfect angel, never done anything wrong in his parents’ eyes, never done anything wrong in the community kid, to admitting to killing his sibling and trying to kill his mom all in the time that Elijah Wood is hanging around. Sure he’s making a nail gun and building dummies, but before this week he’s just building his Good Son brand so strong that no one will ever believe Wood. Bullshit. I think the parents knew the whole time. The dad probably brought Elijah Wood into the fold to see if he could be a good influence. But he wasn’t…. Ooooooh, quite the opposite my friend. Just the sight of the real Good Son made Culkin go crazy. Good job dad. This is all your fault. Hot Take Temperature: Poison Ivy.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! The Good Son? More like Word, Son, amirite? What up Macaulay, you’re a bad guy now? Reprising your villain role from Home Alone? Heyoooo. Let’s go!

  • Yo, Macaulay … youz a psycho in this film.
  • Within the core of this film is a good film. An interesting film about a young sociopath and the adults who are willfully blind to all the signs of his pathology all revealed by another young person they force themselves to not believe.
  • The film itself? I found it interesting. Not good. Not really bad. It has a reason to be (more than most BMT can say), but still, is it good? No, I don’t think so.
  • Culkin is actually disturbing in the film, but more in a way that makes you wonder about the writer of the film. Shooting a dog with a bolt out of a crazy self-made crossbow? That’s weird. Throwing a dummy off a highway and hightailing it out of there without a second thought? That’s straight from the headlines I suppose. Killing your brother and then trying to kill your sister? That’s actually bonkers though.
  • In that same way I guess there is an argument that the writers get some things right (the obsession with death, the trophy he keeps, killing animals, etc.) and some things wrong (I’m not sure, but I would think the escalation would have gone from animals to a random person, not one’s own brother, just out of a sense of self-preservation). I think I understand the complaint that the entire thing falls apart under the weight of trying to explain Culkin’s sociopathy.
  • I definitely understand Ebert’s complaint that the film is a dark, twisted, crazy movie with a question of precisely who it is being made for.
  • Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin in a film together though? Ages like wine. Kind of stunning to see two incredibly good child actors carrying a movie together.
  • The setting of Maine also is just chef’s kiss. Obviously a nod to the Stephen King undertones to the film. It feels precisely like a King short story in the vein of The Body.
  • The movie itself is pretty tight, and entertaining, and tense when it needs to be. Probably the silliest bit is the ending. The contrived cliffhanger moment with the mother having to choose between her son and nephew is a bit beyond credulity.
  • Definite Setting as a Character (Where?) for Maine. And a solid Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate final scene and the forced choice between killing Wood or Culkin. I think the film is closest to Good, although it really walks that line between Good and Bad (all I know is it isn’t BMT).

Check out the sequel, The Good Man, in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Good Son Quiz

Oh man, so get this, I was hanging (literally, from a treehouse) with my cousin, when he was all like “You think you can fly?” and dropped me right on my noggin! Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Good Son?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We’ll just skip Mark’s mother dying and go straight to the reason why he is getting left with his uncle in Maine. Why?

2) Henry has created two odd inventions (of a sort) during the course of the film. What are they?

3) We actually only actually see Henry kill one thing during the course of the film. What? And what do they do with it?

4) What trophy did Henry keep from when he (obviously) killed his brother?

5) In the end they head out to Chekov’s Cliff which was mentioned earlier in the film. What significance does it hold in Henry’s family?

Bonus Question: Years and years later Mark is a happily married family man, but then one day he gets a call. From whom?

Answers

The Good Son Preview

“Sit down, Jamie and Patrick,” Kyle says solemnly. He has an angry look on his face, but there is sadness in his eyes. “We love you,” he says once they are seated, “and that’s why it hurts so much to see you going down this bad road.” Jamie and Patrick protest. Look around, they’ve given up that flashy New York lifestyle for the simple life. Sure, they haven’t watched Citizen Kane, but that’s only because they haven’t finished their GMT Rulez. “Maybe Citizen Kane doesn’t even qualify for GMT, ever think about that?” Jamie says, pointing at his temple. Kyle is unamused. “So what are these magical rules? What rules are going to save you from yourselves,” Kyle says, throwing down newspaper headlines detailing their latest escapades. “Bad Movie Twins Kill Man in Train Battle!” one says. “Bad Movie Twins Put the Fresh Back in Fresh Horses!” another one screams. “Bad Movie Twins Win Delaware Breakdancing Championships!” the last one reads. Jamie winces as that one hits the table. Entering the DBC was certainly a bad move, no matter how dope their routine was. Jamie hangs his head in shame, but Patrick isn’t going down without a fight. “We are good. Look… look at these rulez!” He screams pulling out Rule #8 – Sequels, Please, but now it’s crossed off and reads “Beginning, Middle, End.” “Really,” Kyle scoffs and begins to walk over to Patrick’s desk. “Don’t go near that!” he squeals in horror, but it’s too late. Kyle pulls out Patrick’s latest draft of Citizen Kane 2: The Legend of Charlie’s Gold. “Let’s get out of here,” Patrick sputters in rage, gathering up the draft, but as they open the front door Scott Bakula is standing in their way. “Sit down… my sons… my good sons.” That’s right! We are diving into a 90’s classic with the Elijah Wood/Macaulay Culkin vehicle The Good Son. This movie kind of freaked me out as a kid. Probably because the film centers on a young boy getting terrorized and we were young boys when it came out. But time to get over my fears. I’m a man! I’m forty! Let’s go!

The Good Son (1993) – BMeTric: 20.2; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 24.4%; Notability: top 18.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.2%; Higher BMeT: Super Mario Bros., RoboCop 3, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Mr. Nanny, Leprechaun, Beethoven’s 2nd, Cop & ½, Sliver, Boxing Helena, Weekend at Bernie’s II, The Beverly Hillbillies, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Son of the Pink Panther, Made in America, Coneheads, Carnosaur, Surf Ninjas, Dennis the Menace, and 41 more; Higher Notability: Last Action Hero, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, The Meteor Man, Hocus Pocus, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, Coneheads, RoboCop 3, Rising Sun, Life with Mikey, Son of the Pink Panther, The Three Musketeers, Loaded Weapon 1, Super Mario Bros., Indecent Proposal, Once Upon a Forest, Made in America, Look Who’s Talking Now, Josh and S.A.M., Sliver, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, and 26 more; Lower RT: Look Who’s Talking Now, Warlock: The Armageddon, Deadfall, Son of the Pink Panther, RoboCop 3, Mr. Nanny, Hexed, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Best of the Best II, Carnosaur, Father Hood, Calendar Girl, Surf Ninjas, Ghost in the Machine, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, My Boyfriend’s Back, Only the Strong, Cop & ½, Sliver, Gunmen, and 21 more; Notes: Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Weekend at Bernie’s 2. What a time to be alive. Meanwhile, let’s make Culkin a psycho.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Who in the world would want to see this movie? Watching “The Good Son,” I asked myself that question, hoping that perhaps the next scene would contain the answer, although it never did. The movie is a creepy, unpleasant experience, made all the worse because it stars children too young to understand the horrible things we see them doing.

(I feel like there is an argument that Ebert is clutching pearls a bit here. Wood and Culkin are too young to understand? I’m not really sure about that. Besides that I get what Ebert is talking about though. The movie does seem unpleasant.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHxeAadqOs/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHxeAadqOs/

(If I let you go … you think you could fly? That line is seared into my brain. I think this was a trailer on one of the VHS tapes I had growing up. I wonder if there is a database for stuff like that? Sadly, probably not.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Dreamscape; Return to Paradise; True Believer; The Pom Pom Girls; The Sister in Law; Blindsided; Gorp; Our Winning Season; Joyride; Future BMT: The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; The Good Son; Money Train; Notes: Sleeping with the Enemy, The Good Son, and Money Train were back-to-back-to-back. He wrote and directed Dreamscape which seems like a wild film.)

Writers – Ian McEwan – ( Known For: Atonement; The Cement Garden; On Chesil Beach; The Children Act; The Comfort of Strangers; Enduring Love; The Innocent; The Ploughman’s Lunch; First Love, Last Rites; Soursweet; BMT: The Good Son; Notes: Huh. He is a novelist writing the novel that would be adapted into Atonement. He apparently had a screenwriting career as well, which is where The Good Son comes from. Like, legit famous person outside of film.)

Actors – Macaulay Culkin – ( Known For: Uncle Buck; Home Alone; Jacob’s Ladder; My Girl; Entergalactic; Saved!; Party Monster; Changeland; Only the Lonely; Rocket Gibraltar; Sex and Breakfast; The Nutcracker; Adam Green’s Aladdin; See You in the Morning; The Wrong Ferarri; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Richie Rich; The Pagemaster; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Good Son; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 1995 for Getting Even with Dad, Ri¢hie Ri¢h, and The Pagemaster; Notes: Y’all know Macaulay. He is probably the quintessential child-actor-who-couldn’t-quite-make-it-as-an-adult-actor, but he almost maybe didn’t want to? He appears on Red Letter Media shows quite a bit, and I know he had a music career of some kind. He also notably sued to get his parents removed from his trust fund, which it appears he did successfully.)

Elijah Wood – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; Sin City; The Faculty; Back to the Future Part II; Deep Impact; I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Maniac; Green Street Hooligans; Cooties; 9; Happy Feet; Internal Affairs; The Ice Storm; Forever Young; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Future BMT: Radio Flyer; Flipper; The War; Black & White; Paradise; BMT: The Last Witch Hunter; The Good Son; North; Notes: And you know Elijah. He did make the transition from child star to adult star, mainly via The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Notably, his appearance is Back to the Future Part II is merely as the kid who makes fun of McFly for playing a baby game in the future diner.)

Wendy Crewson – ( Known For: Room; Air Force One; What Lies Beneath; Away from Her; On the Basis of Sex; Antiviral; The Nest; The 6th Day; Eight Below; Kodachrome; Into the Forest; The Santa Clause; The Kid Detective; Better Than Chocolate; The Santa Clause 2; Gang Related; The Doctor; A Home at the End of the World; Mercy; The Clearing; Future BMT: The Vow; Bicentennial Man; The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; Corrina, Corrina; Skinwalkers; Folks!; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: The Covenant; Death Wish; The Good Son; The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising; Notes: Apparently is good friends with Harrison Ford.)

Budget/Gross – $17-28 million / Domestic: $44,789,789 (Worldwide: $60,613,008)

(That feels like a legit hit. And yet, I suppose it isn’t surprising that they didn’t make a sequel … you’d have to watch the movie to really understand why that doesn’t make sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (7/28): The Good Son is never good enough to live up to its unsettling potential, failing to drum up much suspense and unable to make Macaulay Culkin a credible psychopath.

(I’m not so sure. It feels to me like Culkin is precisely the mold you want. Specifically, someone so charming and innocent looking you can’t possibly believe that they are a sociopath. Feels credible to me.)

NY Times Short Review: Anything but, evil personified.

Poster – The Downright Bad Son

(What a bizarre poster. No wonder Ebert was shocked and horrified at the marketing for this film. Other than the tagline this really does look like a pleasant romp with America’s favorite Good Son, Macaulay Culkin. All around bad effort. D)

Tagline(s) – Evil has many faces (D-)

(Sure… I’m not giving this an F, but it’s close. This could be the tagline for numerous films across history. That is unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.7 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.9 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 25.8 Two for the Money (2005)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), The Good Son (1993), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Citizen Kane): 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 22.4 Hot Pursuit (1987), 20.2 The Good Son (1993)

(Yeah there were a few options, but The Good Son has been on my radar for years. It is one of those films I distinctly remember watching when I was a kid, but also one of those films I maybe just watched the same 30 minutes of on HBO four or five times.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Morse is No. 4 billed in The Good Son and No. 5 billed in Drive Angry, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, and Jimmy Hollywood we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood became very close friends during production, and remain so to this day.

Jesse Bradford was originally slated to play Henry. Macaulay Culkin’s father wanted his son to star, saying he would pull Macaulay out of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) if he wasn’t cast in this movie. Fox agreed due to Macaulay’s bankability.

Richard and Connie are played by Macaulay Culkin’s real-life brother, Rory Culkin, and sister, Quinn Culkin.

The cigarette that Mark and Henry smoke was an empty tube filled with dried parsley and lettuce leaves.

The original director, Michael Lehmann, was replaced due to clashes with Macaulay Culkin’s father.

The film was not released theatrically in the UK because of the James Bulger case. It was released on video in 1995, with an 18 certificate. The scene in which Henry deliberately drops a mannequin over an overpass was edited because the BBFC feared that children would try to imitate the stunt. The 2002 DVD was passed uncut with an 18 certificate.

In 1988, Michael Klesic was cast as Henry Evans. The film was soon after put on hold due to a lack of funding. A few years later, the original child actors had grown too old for their roles, and Jesse Bradford was cast as Henry. The project was shelved again and again, and the actors outgrew their characters. The project was re-cast again, and finally shot and released in 1993.

Henry wears two different colored shoes – one black Nike and one white. It was stated by the director it represents evil and good respectively.

The movie is partly inspired by The Bad Seed (1956).

This is Quinn Culkin’s second and final acting role with her first film being an uncredited cameo in “Home Alone” (1990). She ultimately decided to not to follow in the same footsteps of her brothers.

The sight on Henry’s crossbow is a hood ornament from a Buick Riviera.

Elijah Wood later admitted that he was delighted as a child actor to be in an R-rated movie, since he was routinely watching horror movies at the time and had sophistication on dark subject matter.

Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood were trained by stunt coordinator Jack Gill, and rehearsed for six weeks before shooting the climactic scene so that they could be comfortable acting while hanging from a cliff 180 feet above water. When Henry’s mother dropped him, a shot of Culkin himself falling away from the camera on the actual cliff was required. After discussions with Culkin and his parents, he agreed to do a 30-foot fall on a cable on the actual cliff, 180 feet above the freezing lake, but he wanted one thing in return for this act of bravery: a BB gun. Culkin performed the cable fall perfectly and was given his BB gun.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Recap

Jamie

The Rise of the Silver Surfer is a true BMT conundrum. On the one hand it was a sequel to a bad superhero film that seemed to buy into the “more is more” principle of franchises. On the other hand it involves the Silver Surfer, suggesting that they were also buying into the “go big or go home” principle of BMT/Franchise Man. Will it be bad or will it be BMT? That’s the question. The Silver Surfer seems like a tricky choice for a second film. Is he cool or is he lame? Is bringing a space monster into the mix a bit much? He’s an alien on a surfboard… that can’t be right… right? But as I learned many years later watching The Avengers in theaters, as CGI aliums poured out of a hole in the sky, as everyone around me seems totally cool with that turn of events in their big action film… I realized at that moment that, wait a second… lame stuff is… good now? Lame stuff is now good, I guess. And I’ve been enjoying lame stuff ever since. So I guess it’s kind of neither bad nor BMT… it just might be lame (which is good).

To recap, the Fantastic Four are back, Jack! And boy are they having trouble putting on a wedding. Egad! Sue Storm is increasingly frustrated by Reed because he’s always got his head in the clouds trying to save the world. Unfortunately as their wedding approaches (and just after he busts a groove at his mean bachelor party) he is asked to investigate mysterious, surfing related events across the globe. He says, “No!” he’s got a wedding to plan… but secretly he does anyway. So when the wedding day arrives he is all set up to track the mysterious surfer… just in time for the surfer to crash the wedding and destroy Reed’s creation. Sue. Is. Pissed. But they got bigger fish to fry cause the surfer, the Silver Surfer that is, is taking a chunk out of Earth. They gear up to track him, but they aren’t the only ones. Is that Dr. Doom’s music? Yes, he’s alive, and yes, the Silver Surfer helpfully turns him back into a human. They reluctantly team up to develop a way to trap the Surfer by separating him from his surfboard (oddly, that’s also my only weakness). They succeed, yay! But they also learn that he is in service to a world eater called Galactus who is just about to eat Earth (boo). Then, like a total dick, Dr. Doom double crosses them and steals the board (not the time, bro). They pursue him with the help of (the actually good) Silver Surfer who regains his board and with the help of Johnny flies his board into Galactus and that… uh… kills him I guess. Everyone is happy, Earth is saved, Sue and Reed get married, and the Silver Surfer is dead (or is he? (he’s not (but doesn’t matter cause the franchise is))). THE END.

This is definitely better than the first film even though the Fantastic Four is lamer and sillier than ever before. That’s because the Silver Surfer is way cooler than he has any right to be. He sounds like a child made him up, but there is something perfect in the undistilled unironicism of the character. He is silver, he rides a surfboard, he’s an alien, and he helps a cosmic entity eat planets. That’s some dumb shit, but you kinda need that dumb stuff to make this (very dumb) movie work a little bit. At least better than the first one. This is all despite having one of the worst scenes in cinematic history in Reed’s bachelor party. Horrible. Worse than the X-Games scene in the first one. Anyway, on the verge of being not that bad. As for the 1994 “unreleased” Fantastic Four film… uh… wtf, mate? They claim online that they never meant to release the film and I quibble with that. Clearly they were going to release the film… that was the threat. If their terms weren’t met they were going to release the film. 100%. It is wall-to-wall insanity and I kind of wish for history’s sake that it actually did get released. If I had to make a comparison I’d say straight-to-video Lawnmower Man 2… that’s the vibe.

Hot Take Clam Bake! And I mean hot. My take is two fold. Sue Storm and Reed Richards are in it for the long haul because they have super powers that allow them to (putting it politely) make super love. The Thing and the Human Torch? Not so much. We are clearly heading for disaster. Two members of the crew are getting super freaky under the super sheets while the other two are monsters that might just kill their significant (or even insignificant) others. What is the conclusion here? US Government, get these maniacs under control! That’s right, I’m right back at it. It’s me: guy who wants the government to take the Fantastic Four into custody. This is a ticking time bomb my friends. I don’t care how tender Ben Grimm and Alicia Masters’ pure, blind love is… he will be in a blind rage after he crushes her to death by accident. Hot Take Temperature: Ghost Pepper.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer? More like Bland-tastic Bore Too: Lies of the Silver Grifter! Amirite? Well … it’s better than nothing. Let’s go!

  • Right off the bat I’ll say that I found this film to be a lot better than the first one. Or at least better. “A lot” might be pushing it. But still, it felt better.
  • The Human Torch seemed a bit toned down which was nice.
  • The power-swapping was good in principle, although in practice The Human Thing didn’t work well at all (although a solid gag).
  • The film does have probably the worst scene in the film with Mr. Fantastic’s bachelor party dance sequence. Inexplicable. Hollywood Badass Bar to the extreme. Bad effects. It had it all! I wonder how much higher the Rotten Tomatoes score would have been by just removing that scene and nothing else. I’d call it the Fantastic Cut, and people would be scratching their heads trying to figure out the 30 seconds of footage that were removed.
  • Who am I kidding, obviously people would immediately be like “WHERE’S THE DANCE SCENE!?” and freak out about it.
  • Biggest complaint about the film was bringing back Dr. Doom. Actually strike that. The biggest complaint is bringing back Dr. Doom and then magically making him look the same as he did before using Silver Surfer powers. That was ultra dumb.
  • The Silver Surfer was solid though. One of the rare he’s-bad-oh-wait-he’s-actually-good bad guys in a comic film. Although if you know anything about anything in comics it is obvious Silver Surfer is a tragic figure and not really a villain.
  • For Bring a Friend we then tripled up (what what!) on our fantastic weekend and watched Fantastic Four (1994). This is an insane story. So some guy owned the rights to The Fantastic Four for years and in 1995 the rights were going to expire if he didn’t make a movie. Oddly, the requirement to make a movie didn’t actually require him to release a movie … small oversight. So this guy enlists Roger Corman to put together a Canadian production with Canadian soap opera actors and this film was born. It was then shown in a few private screenings and thrown in a vault. The fact that a copy exists on the internet at all is astounding. Almost mind-blowing. The movie itself is a marvel of bad effects, although I have to say, The Thing’s head is pretty cool for an early 90s animatronic thing. A bit boring, but definitely worth a watch just to see some of the really early Marvel stuff that was happening at the time. A. Just for the historical aspect of the film it is definitely worth a watch.
  • This film might have the best Product Placement (What?) I’ve ever seen in the fact that the crazy hovership thing the Fantastic Four fly around in is explicitly covered in Dodge Ram logos. The logos are everywhere, on the front, on the seats, just crazy stuff. Good NYC film for Setting as a Character (Where?). I think I’ll leave it there. Closest to BMT still I think, I just can’t bring myself to call this movie good despite it being entertaining, and the dance scene is too good to make the film straight bad.

Check out the big finale of the Brundlefly Jr. Saga in the two part Fantastic Four sequels in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Fantastic Four (2005) Recap

Jamie

Sometimes our BMT eyes are a little bigger than our BMT mouths and Fantastic Four is one of those times. We didn’t just watch the first Fantastic Four. We didn’t just watch both Fantastic Fours. We got all that and a bag of potato chips with the original, never officially released Fantastic Four adaptation. It was a FF Fest that had us rock ‘n rolling all night and partying every day. And that’s really all that motivated all this. We just wanted to really sink our teeth into some 2000s magic. That of course also meant that I was knee deep into the 5 hour FF Fest and I looked over at the mirror that hangs in my BMT man cave and asked “who am I?” The answer? Franchise Man, babbbby. I love franchises.

To recap, Dr. Reed Richards is the smartest man alive… but also an asshole. As a result he’s a bit down on his luck just when a super cosmic event is passing Earth that will prove all his theories true! Oh no! He begs his very rich rival Dr. Von Doom to let him use his space station, which Doom delights in granting in part so he can flaunt the inclusion of his new GF ( and Reed’s ex-GF), Sue Storm, on the mission. Along for the ride are Reed’s friend Ben Grimm and Sue’s brother Johnny. They go up there, but oops! More berries. And by more berries I mean that the cosmic cloud has arrived early. Oh no! After getting owned by the cloud they wake up on Earth. Everything seems fine until Johnny starts spouting fire, Reed is stretching left and right, Sue is invisible, and Ben is a monstrous thing. The funniest part is when Ben tries to see his wife and basically the wife is like “gross” and runs away. Later on a sad Ben happens upon a disaster on a bridge and uses his grossness to save the day (with the help of his friends) and everyone is like, “Woah, those four are fantastic!”… except Ben’s wife who stops by just at that moment to throw her wedding ring on the ground. Ha! They all retreat to the Baxter building where Reed works on curing them. Johnny is not thrilled by the prospect but Ben is desperate and grows increasingly frustrated by the lack of progress. Doom, having lost his company in the disaster, but gained metal/electricity powers, decides to undermine Ben and Reed’s friendship. He uses his electricity power to help Ben use Reed’s curing machine to fix his condition. But it was all a ruse! Doom had realized the Thing was the only thing that could stop him. Now back to being normal he watches in horror as Doom does battle with his friends in a bid for power. Ultimately he willingly turns back into the Thing and joins the fray and together they are fantastic and are able to kill Dr. Doom. THE END… or is it? (It’s not). 

When I saw the runtime on this sucker I thought I was dreaming. A blazing 106 minutes for a superhero movie? Sign me up and sign me down. I also think they did a good job with The Thing and Johnny. Opposite sides of the coin from acting and effects standpoint, but at those extremes the film did OK. Outside of that there was some trouble. Sue and Reed are pretty meh and it falls pretty hard into the origin story pitfall. The entire movie is spent giving them powers, having them agonize over those powers, and then at the very last minute having to use their powers to stop… the other guy who got powers. Just four dopes with powers wrecking a city. So some good, some bad, and a BMT whopper in the Thing’s wife being generally grossed out by him and dropping him like it’s hot.

Hot Take Clam Bake! The Fantastic Four should and would have been taken into custody by the US Government. There was a mission to space that resulted in five people gaining superpowers. One (just one!) got a little peeved and wrecked NYC. And they were helpless to stop it without the help of the other four superpeople. The moral of the story was that they should accept their powers. The government would have to step in and tell them that they can’t. Sorry. Much like Cameron Poe, they are now dangerous weapons. They wrecked a city in self defense and so they have to figure a few things out. Maybe if some alien comes along and there is some bigger threat to humanity they can be free (fat chance!) but until then they are doing research in some underground military base somewhere. Hot Take Temperature: Butch T.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Fantastic Four?! More like Bland-tastic Bore! AMIRITE?! Wow, that one actually works. Let’s go!

  • Man there are a lot of issues with this film. Although I think a lot of them are issues with how films like this are approached more so than the film actually being bad at the time. So I’m going to try and grade things on a Today Bad – Timeless Bad – 2000’s Bad scale. Basically, is this just bad all the time, was it bad at the time but not so much now, or bad now but not so much then. Get it? No. Let’s go.
  • Human Torch being a gross human being and a general asshole? Today Bad. Back then I’m sure Chris Evans guzzling some Mountain Dew and doing sweet tricks at the X Games while ogling the ladies and being a creep was cool as shit. And it helps that he’s the best part of the film from an acting / charm perspective. But today it is gross and doesn’t fly so well.
  • The Thing’s wife breaking up with him immediately? Timeless Bad. Not only is it poor storytelling where outside of being an unsupportive horrible person, the character has no development, the story goes out of its way to have the character show up out of nowhere to get a divorce?! The craziest scene in the film.
  • The Thing makeup – 2000s Bad. It actually looks kind of cool, but back in the 2000s apparently people thought it looked like crap?
  • The Human Torch effects – Today Bad. I’m sure at the time they thought it looked good. It doesn’t.
  • Mr. Fantastic effects – Timeless Bad. I’m sure people thought they looked good at the time, but deep inside they knew it looked like trash. Still does.
  • Invisible Woman getting naked for no reason – Today Bad. Can someone tell me what function Invisible Woman played in getting them across the barrier during the bridge scene by getting naked? No? No explanation since everyone else just ends up with her 14 feet away without anything happening?
  • Superhero baddies – Timeless Bad. Whenever I think of how the MCU started with Iron Man fighting … his boss? On a random street in NYC or something? I’ll remember how The Fantastic Four walked so Iron Man could run. Never in my life have I seen a more small potatoes battle than The Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom fighting over … I don’t know, control of a company or something maybe? Continuing having powers? Unclear really.
  • You know what, I’ll leave it there since this is already pretty long. As for some positives. As hammy as it all is I thought the acting was very game for the story they were telling. The film is pretty entertaining and goes at a quick pace. And as I said, Chris Evans is so charming it is no wonder they needed to fold him into the MCU elsewhere.
  • Solid Product Placement (What?) for the X Games in general which also ends with a lingering scene outside of the venue with huge billboards advertising Mountain Dew and junk. Solid Setting as a Character (Where?) for NYC where half of all superhero films are set. This is closest to BMT, just an undeniably entertaining garbage film.

I’ll leave the review for The Fantastic Four (1995) for the sequel review. Check out the big finale of the Brundlefly Jr. Saga in the two part Fantastic Four sequels in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Quiz

Oh man, so no I’m Mr. No Memory Man. A completely useless power. I have no memory. And now there’s a silver surfer guy? Wait … do I know this person? Shoot, I can’t remember. Do you remember what happened in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The Fantastic Four are back Jack! And they need to get to NYC stat. Why?

2) Hmmmmmm, something is up. In particular the Silver Surfer is in town. What happens right before and after the Silver Surfer appears?

3) But there is actually a bigger problem: what happens a few days after the Silver Surfer appears?

4) How do they separate the Silver Surfer from his sweet surfboard?

5) In the end, where does Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman get married?

Bonus Question: The Fantastic Four are off to fight a new threat at the end of the film? Who?

Answers