Tag: bmt 2024

Black Adam Recap

Jamie

There was never a question whether we were going to do Black Adam for 2022. It’s not just that there isn’t a huge number of qualifying films that we haven’t done from the year (we did quite a good job covering the major disasters), but because I’m Franchise Man and Black Adam was necessary to sustain my life. Amidst what was a real turn in DC’s (critical) fortunes, Black Adam represented the downfall of the Snyder era that has given us so much. Now it’s all in James Gunn’s hands and it could spell doom for Franchise Man. As we all know, in Franchise Man lore bad franchise movies are much more nourishing to his lifeforce. Without qualifying franchise films he would surely cease to be. So we must consume Black Adam like a bear preparing for hibernation and begin to search elsewhere for food. Perhaps Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire will prove a fruitful hunting ground for our Franchise Man… maybe Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire… maybe some other Empire heretofore unknown. Only time will tell.

To recap, we open in Kahndaq, a country that has been oppressed throughout time due to the presence of the valuable metal Eternium in its territory. Currently they are under the control of a criminal organization known as Intergang. All this has happened since a long time ago when a champion rose against a tyrannical king and tore him down with the power of Shazam. Anyway, a group of rebels led by Adrianna are tracking down a powerful object, the Crown of Sabbac, in order to keep it out of the hands of Intergang. In doing so they are cornered by the gang and only by awakening the champion, known as Teth-Adam, from his grave are they able to survive. US government official Amanda Waller deems him a threat and sends in the Justice Society to take him out… no, not the Justice League. This is the Justice Society… you know, with like Hawkman… and Doctor Fate… and, you know what… nevermind. It isn’t really important. They go after Teth-Adam but he’s not your daddy’s Superman. He kills people… he probably fucks too, but we don’t see that. Anyway, the Justice Society convinces him to help them get Adrianna’s son Amon back from the bad guys. In doing so he kills their leader, Ishmael, and badly injures Amon. Teth-Adam reveals that he’s really not your daddy’s Superman. In fact he wasn’t the champion at all, but rather was saved by the true champion, his son, who sacrificed himself for his life. He knows he’s not worthy and gives himself up to be held in a prison for superheroes. Meanwhile they realize that Ishmael wanted to die. He becomes the champion of the demons in death and rises again to take the crown and bring Hell to Earth. Doctor Fate knows that the only way to win is to sacrifice himself and use his… uh… Fate abilities or whatever to free Teth-Adam and have him totally own this demon dude. He does. THE END.

Quick recap of the DC films I watched in preparation for this one. Shazam (OK, it’s a kids film), Bird of Prey (didn’t like it as much as I thought I would), The Suicide Squad (loved it), Wonder Woman 1984 (wow, nope. Not into it). That’s a lotta movies. As for this one, when it started I thought it was absolutely terrible. It’s like a knock-off Wakanda, redoing stuff we already saw in Shazam, and with a bunch of Justice Society heroes no one cares about. The Justice Society should really only be presented in a comedic way because they are impossible to take seriously. The only thing that seemed right was Dwayne Johnson doing a thousand video game, slow mo action scenes. So overall it was just occasionally OK and otherwise baffling. To briefly put on my Franchise Man helmet, give me more please. I actually do think there could have been a cool sequel. Black Adam teams up with The Suicide Squad to infiltrate the arctic jail he was held in. Black Adam actually fits nicely in Suicide Squad cause he’s not your daddy’s Superman.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m just gonna say it. I think Black Adam is your daddy’s Superman. What did we even see him do? Kill some people? So what? Superman snapped a dude’s neck in Zac Snyder’s Superman film. So Zac Snyder already made Superman not your daddy’s Superman, thus making not your daddy’s Superman Superman. Get it? We also didn’t see Black Adam fuck. If I saw that then I would admit… that’s not my daddy’s Superman. But we didn’t and until we do I just think he’s kind of your daddy’s Superman (although, he’s definitely not my granddaddy’s Superman. That we can agree on). Hot Take Temperature: Heat Vision.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Surely I wouldn’t watch six films in a week in order to watch Black Adam. Surely … right? Let’s go!

Let’s get the five mini-reviews out lickety split. Aquaman: aggressively dumb, did not like it and I don’t find Mamoa amusing. Shazam!: charming, although the first half with him learning his powers is far better than the dumb shit Mark Strong was doing. Birds of Prey: I like Harley Quinn, but the film was kind of a mess and she was the only actually compelling thing in it. Ewan McGregor seemed to be having fun. Wonder Woman 1984: The length of this film is criminal, but I found it more charming than I expected, but probably because Jamie bad mouthed it right before I saw it. The Suicide Squad: Pretty solid, and the typical Gunn humor I find somewhat grating in Guardians when coming out of mostly good people we are meant to somehow pretend are bad, actually kind of works when coming out of actually bad people doing bad things. Only four more DCEU films (and I guess Zack Snyder’s Justice League 4-part black and white miniseries?) to go. Looking through the whole oeuvre I have Superman and the Mole Men (1951), Swamp Thing, The Return of Swamp Thing, Constantine, and Joker as far as live-action DC adaptations go. I mean … I should just push to that right? As a guy who can’t help but catch ‘em all, that seems like something. Filling out the DC Region Pokedex.

Ah finally, this film. This film is quite weird. Exclusively set in a fictional country that I imagine is supposed to evoke Afghanistan or Egypt in the DC universe? In reality it gives off heavy Wakanda vibes. I would have figured that given that Black Adam predates Black Panther that so would Kahndaq and Eternium predate Wakanda and Vibranium (which I would have pegged for the 60s, which is true, all of the Black Panther stuff debuted in 1966). Nope. Kahndaq? 2006. Eternium, just a few years prior in 1998. So uh … what the fuck dudes? You don’t see a problem with this? You don’t think people are going to notice the complete rip off that this entire idea is? It is completely mind blowing that this was pitched and approved of by the powers that be at DC and further that I had never heard of people making fun of this film for it. It is absurd.

The Rock is fine. He is charismatic as usual. He did read a bit old in this one. It isn’t surprising, he’s 50. But if they wanted to maybe suggest slightly younger then they should have given him a love interest. Instead they lean HEAVILY into his Dad Energy. It’s fine. It is what RDJ eventually had with Peter Parker in the MCU. It works. Just interesting to have a giant blockbuster where literally no one seems to view The Rock as a sexual being. Perhaps it was intentional to give more of a “he’s a borderline alien” vibes. Less of a “hey Zack Snyder, pump the brakes on Superman jumping Lois Lane’s bones in the bathtub” energy and more of that Iron Man “I’ve been borderline married to Pepper Potts even though she is only in one out of every three films at this point” energy.

Otherwise I have to agree with Jamie: Baffling. The be-all-end-all of this film existing is as a vehicle to deliver images of The Rock directly into my brain and to take money out of my pocket. But that’s every movie! You cry. Nay. A lot of movies have artistic merit and exist because humans are natural storytellers. This exists as a corporate advertising campaign for the charisma of The Rock and the continued existence of the DC brand of comics that have existed for a hundred years. Cynical! You cry. Nay. It is not I who is cynical, but the core of the movie/advertising complex. This is my manifesto (part 1 of 1000, check out the series over the course of the next 20 years of BMT).

Goddamn if the brother was just a bit more inept we would have had a true Planchet on our hands. I’m going to throw out a Product Placement (What?) because the funnier one is one character chowing down on Lays Baked Potato Chips in one scene, but also, looking online, FedEx is inexplicably on like four billboards scattered throughout the action scenes which seems gross and intentional. Fictional Country (Where?) for Kahndaq. Incredible (award winning?) MacGuffin (Why?) for The Crown of Sabbac which everyone wants without knowing it makes you a literal demon until the very end. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that it was not The Rock who was the original Black Adam, but his son. I think this has to be in the Bad category, while amusing in how much it rips off other films, it isn’t amusing enough to warrant the homework and length involved.

Read about my sequel to Black Adam in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Black Adam Quiz

Oh man, get this. I was an ancient hero, but I’ve been asleep / dead / imprisoned for like 5000 years. Now I can’t remember a thing (and what are these magic phone devices!). Do you remember what happened in Black Adam?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) What mineral does the eeeeevil kind need to create the Crown of MacGuffin … I mean Crown of Sabbac?

2) Obviously Black Adam makes a very good first impression … he killed like one hundred people. Sure they are bad people but still. At the end though he is injured. That isn’t supposed to happen, how does it happen?

3) Oh shit we got a team? Name the four “good guys” who are sent to take on Black Adam.

4) After a bunch of CGI nonsense the kid gets captured. How do they find him again?

5) Oh man, what a twist!! Who is Black Adam really? Who was the real champion of Kahndaq?

Bonus Question: Now that the DCEU is done, my agent is trying to get me to pitch my new comic book mega series to them. What did I decide to make it about?

Answers

Black Adam Preview

One year, one blockbuster film, and one Pulitzer later and Patrick and Jamie are ready to launch Project: Jamie in Love (awww). “This is exciting,” Kyle says, bouncing on his heels near where they are preparing their backpacks. “You guys will have to write and tell me all about all the hijinks you get into.” Jamie and Patrick smile. “Why would we write when you’re right there with us?” Kyle’s eyes glitter and he has trouble speaking due to the emotion. “Gee. But… BMT…?” he stammers. Patrick just sweeps his arm across the buzzing BMTHQ offices. “This old place? I think it can handle itself. Love is just a bit important.” They all laugh a whole bunch even though it’s not really a joke. “The key to love is just four easy steps,” Patrick then explains, “That’s how me and the wife found love that has lasted.” “Yeah,” Kyle responds with a smirk, “Lasted a millennium.” They laugh again. God they are killing it. A short time later Jamie and Kyle are following Patrick through Brooklyn. Despite having packed for a long trip it appears that lesson one is right in their backyard (although Jamie can’t say he’s ever been this deep in the back alleys of the city). They stop in front of a store and Patrick turns to face Jamie and Kyle. “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” Patrick announces. “So Lesson #1: Style.” Jamie looks down at his clothes. Sure he’s wearing a sweatshirt from high school… and his sweatpants are also just a different sweatshirt from high school he’s fashioned into rudimentary pants. “But that’s kind of stylish, right?” He asks hopefully and Kyle shakes his head. Jamie looks up at the store: Black Adam’s Black Ties. “Here goes nothing.” That’s right! We are also shopping at Black Adam this week as we use this very special yearlong cycle to smash out some of the greatest franchises we ever missed. Black Adam is the only DC film we had left that qualified for BMT… that is until Aquaman 2 came out. But at least this gets us that one step closer. So for 2022: Black Adam. Let’s go!

Black Adam (2022) – BMeTric: 27.8; Notability: 98

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.3%; Higher BMeT: Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, The Bubble, Brazen, Firestarter, They/Them, Moonfall, Blacklight, Morbius, Pinocchio, Me Time, After Ever Happy, Grimcutty, Umma, The Invitation, Cheaper by the Dozen, Spiderhead, Deep Water, Jurassic World Dominion, and 19 more; Lower RT: Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, After Ever Happy, Me Time, Poker Face, Firestarter, Redeeming Love, Blacklight, Brazen, Last Seen Alive, Morbius, Prey for the Devil, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, Prizefighter: The Life of Jem Belcher, The Bubble, On the Line, Home Team, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, The 355, Grimcutty, and 22 more; Notes: The top Notability. Nice. A lower BMeTric than I would have expected, but I guess fans maybe liked it.

RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – “Black Adam” is a superlative and clever example of this sort of movie, coloring within the lines while drawing fascinating doodles on the margins. In its brash, relentless, overscaled way, Collet-Serra’s film respects its audience and wants to be respected by it. “Black Adam” gives the audience everything they wanted, along with things they never expected.

(Wow, we have a few of these. I wonder if we’ve done a four star film before. I wonder how many qualifying four star films there are. Imagine. Imagine if RogerEbert.com gave it four stars.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkomfZHG5q4/

(The Justice Society gets more play in this trailer than I expected. I would have imagined they would have been a bit more cagey about making the film introduce like five individual superheroes in a first film. Honestly, this should have been Shazam 2 and it was real dumb they went with the thing they did eventually, but also this stinks of desperately trying to parlay The Suicide Squad into something and failing.)

Directors – Jaume Collet-Serra – (Known For: Non-Stop; Unknown; Orphan; Jungle Cruise; The Shallows; The Commuter; Run All Night; Goal II: Living the Dream; BMT: Black Adam; House of Wax; Notes: He’s basically Liam Neeson and now Dwayne Johnson’s director. It is kind of wild, has done multiple for each and has upcoming films for both.)

Writers – Adam Sztykiel – (Known For: Rampage; Scoob!; Family Switch; Future BMT: Due Date; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip; BMT: Black Adam; Made of Honor; Notes: Rampage was trach. Family Switch I think may have been a set up for We’re the Millers 2 which he has on the docket.)

Rory Haines and Sohrab Noshirvani – (Known For: The Mauritanian; BMT: Black Adam; Notes: The Mauritanian was quite well received and even had some awards buzz from what I remember.)

Bill Parker and C.C. Beck – (Notes: They were co-creators of the Marvel Family and many other Fawcett properties. So they have credits on a bunch of these.)

Jack Kirby – (Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Iron Man 3; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Black Panther; Thor: Ragnarok; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: The Dark World; Ant-Man; Captain Marvel; The Incredible Hulk; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Thor: Love and Thunder; BMT: Justice League; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Notes: Ah, you know Kirby by now. I’ve probably written like four bios for him. He’s arguably the best comic book writer in history.)

Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster– (Known For: Man of Steel; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Superman Returns; Superman; The Lego Batman Movie; Superman II; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut; The Death and Return of Superman; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Superman III; Superman IV: The Quest for Peace; Notes: C’mon now. They created Superman. So … yeah, they were the big DC guys before there was even DC.)

Actors – Dwayne Johnson – (Known For: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Free Guy; Fast & Furious 6; Furious 7; Fast Five; Moana; The Mummy Returns; Red Notice; The Other Guys; Jumanji: The Next Level; San Andreas; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Pain & Gain; Get Smart; Central Intelligence; Jungle Cruise; Rampage; Hercules; The Scorpion King; Future BMT: Planet 51; You Again; Tooth Fairy; Reno 911!: Miami; Why Did I Get Married Too?; Jem and the Holograms; BMT: Black Adam; Baywatch; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; Doom; Walking Tall; The Game Plan; Be Cool; Notes: Apparently tapped to portray Doc Savage, so he is running it back it would seem. Not a real superhero, but was a “superman” or sorts. Then he has like twenty sequels in various stages of development.)

Aldis Hodge – ( Known For: Die Hard with a Vengeance; Hidden Figures; The Invisible Man; Straight Outta Compton; Happy Feet; The Ladykillers; The East; One Night in Miami…; What Men Want; Edmond; Brian Banks; Clemency; Magic Camp; Green Lantern: Beware My Power; Red Sands; The Birthday Cake; The Tenants; Little Athens; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; American Dreamz; Bed of Roses; BMT: Black Adam; A Good Day to Die Hard; Big Momma’s House; Notes: Oddly played two different people in the two Die Hard films he appeared in.)

Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; The Matador; Cinderella; Survivor; A Long Way Down; The Out-Laws; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; The King’s Daughter; Notes: Mother flipping Dante’s Peak. Excited for that eventually. He was James Bond. His first wife is a sad story, both her and her daughter died of ovarian cancer at 41.)

Budget/Gross – $190–260 million / Domestic: $168,152,111 (Worldwide: $393,452,111)

(Like … kind of okay actually? Domestically weak, but overall if it is hitting that lower budget number it is kind of okay. Better than I expected given what I remembered from the release.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (117/304): Black Adam may end up pointing the way to an exciting future for DC films, but as a standalone experience, it’s a wildly uneven letdown.

(It … did not. As a matter of fact, it was pretty much a death knell in the end, because any good will they got from The Suicide Squad disappeared and the DCEU was basically immediately handed over to James Gunn.)

Reviewer Highlight: A dull, listless superhero movie that hits all the expected touchstones of the genre under the guise of a transgressive new antihero story. – Maya Phillips, New York Times

Poster – Bad Saddo

(The Rock starring other people. I do like the effort here, though. Artistic flair and some nice font. No idea what this would be about though. What is a Black Adam, I would ponder. B-)

Tagline(s) – Power born from rage. (C)

(Meh.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Joker (2019), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 84.8 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 75.9 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.2 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), Morbius (2022), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), … (and many more)

Best Options (Action): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 57.0 Robin Hood (2018), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 49.4 Blackhat (2015), 48.3 Vanguard (2020), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 47.8 The Dark Tower (2017), 46.1 Samson (2018), 45.8 The Rhythm Section (2020), 44.9 A-X-L (2018), 44.1 Allegiant (2016), 44.0 Gemini Man (2019), 43.7 The 355 (2022), 43.1 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 42.7 Pan (2015), 42.1 Chaos Walking (2021), 41.6 Breaking In (2018), 41.1 The Marksman (2021), 40.9 The Kitchen (2019), 38.4 Ratchet & Clank (2016), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 38.0 Freelance (2023), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 36.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 36.6 Monster Trucks (2016), 36.0 Collide (2016), 35.6 Captive (2015), 33.6 Kin (2018), 32.3 Honest Thief (2020), 31.8 The Machine (2023), 31.5 Traffik (2018), 30.9 Miss Bala (2019), 30.7 Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016), 30.5 Mortal Engines (2018), 30.5 Birth of the Dragon (2016), 30.4 The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016), 30.3 7 Days in Entebbe (2018), 29.5 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 28.9 The Girl in the Spider’s Web (2018), 28.0 Medieval (2022), 27.8 Black Adam (2022), … (and many more)

(So that’s the thing, it is probably actually the best 2022 option. And we love franchises, so finally having an excuse to watch a boatload of DCEU films was too hard to pass up. If you can’t tell, we are doing one movie for each year, so 2022 was needed and was a weak year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dwayne Johnson is No. 1 billed in Black Adam and No. 1 billed in Walking Tall, which also stars Neal McDonough (No. 3 billed) who is in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Jordan Peele was originally offered the chance to direct the film when it was first announced in 2017, but Peele declined, saying, “I’m not a fan of superhero movies and I’d hate to take that chance away from a director who is passionate about them.”

While Black Adam and Captain Marvel speak the same name of the wizard Shazam as an acronym to activate their powers, in the case of Captain Marvel the acronym stands for the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury. In the case of Black Adam, the acronym stands for the stamina of Shu, the swiftness of Horus, the strength of Amon, the wisdom of Zehuti, the power of Aton, and the courage of Mehen.

Dwayne Johnson once asked his fans which character he should play, superhero Shazam or supervillain Black Adam. His fans chose Black Adam.

Black Adam was originally going to appear in Shazam! (2019), but it was later decided he would debut in his own film.

The film originally received an R rating due to several gruesome death scenes. A majority of these deaths had to be cut before the film could receive the more commercially viable PG-13 rating.

The Happytime Murders Recap

Jamie

I’ve been impressed while researching these cycles at our recent hit rate of BMT films. A big part of that is the decline in the raw numbers, but still… we’ve watched a lot of films that make me go “Oh yeah, we watched that, didn’t we?” That said there are still some we will be missing from 2018 even after picking up The Happytime Murders. Robin Hood is almost certainly the most significant. I forgot how bad the reviews for that were, so I can’t believe we haven’t caught it yet. Peppermint starring Jennifer Garner is a Death Wish knockoff that happened to come out the same year as the Death Wish reboot, which is interesting. Finally, fitting right in with the franchise theme of the year would have been The Cloverfield Paradox. So why The Happytime Murders? We were in the market for a comedy and I recall this being a big time swing and miss. I’m also always curious when the pedigree of something like this is so high how exactly it went wrong. That being said… I think I’d rather be watching Robin Hood.

To recap, Phil Phillips is a former puppet cop now working as a P.I. Twelve years earlier he washed out as the first puppet detective after it was deemed that he purposefully missed shooting a puppet criminal resulting in the death of a bystander. When a new client, Sandra, comes in, a beautiful puppet claiming that she’s being blackmailed, he knows she’s going to be trouble but takes the case anyway. The clues she gives him leads him to a porn shop where, while he’s collecting evidence, someone comes in and shoots up the place killing an acquaintance of Phil’s. This gets him mixed back up with his former partner, Melissa McCarthy. Soon after, Phil’s brother is ripped to shreds in what looks like an accident, but Phil and McCarthy know better. Phil’s acquaintance and brother both worked on a kid’s show called The Happytime Gang. Each time they track down another of the former stars of the show they coincidentally are there right when the puppet gets killed. Or is it a coincidence? Seems not, as Phil is soon implicated in the murder when his former flame, and only human member of the show, is killed in a car explosion and Sandra points the finger at him. Phil is arrested, but McCarthy teams up with his secretary to find evidence that Sandra is actually the daughter of the man Phil accidentally killed using the frameup as revenge. After the evidence is destroyed, she breaks Phil out of jail so that they can stop Sandra before she flees the country. They get to the airport just in time and Phil is able to shoot Sandra without any collateral damage (starring Arnold Schwarzenegger). THE END

If that recap seems bereft of jokes that’s partly because the film also was oddly serious. All the jokes were visual puppet gags or a serious line meant to evoke a laugh because a puppet is saying it. I can’t tell if McCarthy is improvising lines trying to get some jokes in there or if she’s just saying what is written. Regardless, the jokes mostly boil down to “Idiot say what?” and then someone saying “what?”. It feels bad saying that the film isn’t funny because it is ridiculously impressive. If this was just an attempt by Brian Henson to prove that you could make whatever movie you want using puppets it’s mission accomplished. The best part of the film ais the behind the scenes stuff they put in the credits. I could have watched a full documentary of that. The problem is almost everything else about the film is below average. 

Hot Take Clam Bake! Phil actually did do it. Think about it. He’s clearly still in love with his ex-flame. Turns out she didn’t die at all, but instead it was all a ruse to get all the Happytime Gang out of the way so she and her new lover Sandra could take the money for themselves. Sandra never kills her though. She just knocks her out as she tries to make her escape. So guess who gets that sweet cash when all is said and done? Phil and her were in cahoots! You might be like “but Jamie, didn’t he ask his secretary out at the end?” Sure, but doesn’t he have to? He can’t go smooching his gal until she’s let off the hook for being Sandra’s unwitting pawn. What a dastardly plan by Phil. (Hey, it makes as much sense as the actual plot). Hot Take Temperature: Miss Piggy.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about puppets having sex and cursing and that being the entire premise of a film?! Let’s go!

Slight buddy-cop comedies are usually pretty fun, because there is a lot to poke fun at with old-time noir films and it is easy to riff on the beats of those old films as they can be quite peculiar and specific. I had fun with that aspect of the story.

I also get that the film isn’t funny. It isn’t. I don’t know if I laughed once. There are clever moments. And there are reasonably amusing improvised bits by McCarthy (her snatching a charger off a guy’s desk and saying it is her charger and he never asks for it for example) which kind of work because she’s good at improvisation. But otherwise you are left wondering a little bit how such a nothing script was created for a complicated film.

It would be like if the central mystery of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? was just a nothing mystery that you barely had to care about, with a dumb villain and a dumb resolution. The very complicated construction of putting live action into cartoons would suddenly seem like a waste.

That’s what happens here. Everything is incredibly complicated and incredibly well put together, but it all seems like a waste because in the end the story is a nothing story and there aren’t any funny jokes.

Perhaps the idea should have been similar to Roger Rabbit. The puppets are second class citizens who live in a segregated part of town, and the mystery involves a question of what a human was doing in the puppet town in the first place. The issue of course is that puppets aren’t wacky cartoons, and Jim Henson spent decades with the Muppets who ultimately just seem like regular people with regular jobs. So I don’t know.

Regardless, vaguely amusing, but a waste and not really worth one’s time sadly.

As a New Years’ resolution I’m not going to highlight dumb product placement anymore, and so this didn’t have any good ones. Setting as a Character (Where?) for Hollywood in general. I’m going to throw a MacGuffin (Why?) in there as the contract for syndication money related to Happytime being the main motivator for the events in the film. And a true Worst Twist (How?) nominee for the extremely obvious bit whereby the original Femme Fatale is the bad guy and also that the car explosion was faked, instantly knew both when they happened, couldn’t have been any other way. The film is closest to Bad, very much a not-recommend from me in general.

Hear about my new idea for a Muppet parody film in the quiz though. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Happytime Murders Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I’m a puppet. And I live in a world of puppets. But I just had a run in with some vicious (-ly cute) Boston Terriers and now I’m all torn to shreds and can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Happytime Murders?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Let’s just nip this one in the bud right off the bat: why is Phil Phillips no longer on the force?

2) And why is Detective Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy) addicted to sugar now?

3) So obviously the film is about some titular Happytime Murders, but what is the original reason Sandra White hires Phil?

4) In the end the entire cast of The Happytime Gang are murdered except for one. How are all of them murdered?

5) What is all this about? Why are people getting murdered (by Sandra BTW if that wasn’t obvious)?

Bonus Question: My agent just got a call asking me to write the next big adult puppet film. What am I going to write it about?

Answers

The Happytime Murders Preview

“I’m sorry,” Patrick says, seeing how much it was hurting Jamie to leave his maze brides behind. “I know,” he answers, eyes looking longingly into the middle distance. “Just when it seems I find love it turns out to be too good to be true. It just hurts so much.” Patrick puts a hand on his shoulder. “It only hurts because you experienced true love. Love blurs the lines between pain and pleasure.” With that they steel themselves and go through the Reverse Exorcism process.

Suddenly, Jamie and Patrick awaken from their hypnotic slumber in the Antiquities Room. They immediately transition into a patented Twin Chop, only to stop themselves inches from totally owning the valet’s jugular. “Where’s Luigi? Where’s our mother?” They ask, looking frantically around the room. They are informed that shortly after entering a fugue state their mother entered and fired Luigi as part of her long con to get him indicted for fraud in Italy’s high court. Luigi was unceremoniously carted off and they proceeded to have an hour long conversation with their mother. This conversation went well, they all had dinner together, and then they were returned to the Antiquities Room so that once they awoke they wouldn’t be startled by their surroundings and tear their own eyes out. “So did she tell us what to do?” Patrick asks with great anticipation. The valet nods. “Do what you love,” he answers simply. Halfway through putting on his cable knit sweater, though, Patrick notices that Jamie isn’t doing the same. “BMT is what we love,” he says encouragingly and Jamie nods. “I know, but I don’t just want to do what I love… I want love.” Patrick understands. They agree to get BMT running and then they’ll venture forth to find Jamie true happiness. True love. That’s right! We are finding true happiness with the “muppets gone bad” film, The Happytime Murders. This is the beginning of 2024’s experiment in cycles. For the first time all the cycles are connected. We are proceeding through time picking up some of the best BMT films we missed from each year going back to 1983. The Happytime Murders is the 2018 entry for the 2015-2023 cycle. Let’s go!

The Happytime Murders (2018) – BMeTric: 45.9; Notability: 60

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Slender Man, The Open House, Holmes & Watson, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Fifty Shades Freed, Swiped, Siberia, The Titan, How It Ends, Gotti, Truth or Dare, The Nun, The Predator, Fahrenheit 451, Robin Hood, The Strangers: Prey at Night, The Possession of Hannah Grace, The Week Of, The 15:17 to Paris, Replicas, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Venom, The Predator, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Lower RT: Gotti, Father of the Year, Billionaire Boys Club, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Slender Man, Holmes & Watson, The Professor, Replicas, Fifty Shades Freed, Siberia, Peppermint, The Open House, Little Italy, Winchester, Life Itself, Robin Hood, The Darkest Minds, The Kissing Booth, Look Away, Truth or Dare, and 13 more; Notes: The higher Notability films are hilarious, we’ve basically not seen any of those. I actually can’t believe we haven’t seen Gotti yet … kind of too bad we didn’t hit up After Everything last cycle because I think Gotti would be an obvious choice. Barely doesn’t qualify with a 503 widest release. The Notability on this film is off the chain though.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – One doesn’t need to concern oneself too much with plot, what with all the puppet hijinks. They begin with the foul language, but in due time, we see puppets whose forms are pretty familiar—fluffy bunnies, frisky doggies, a porn shop proprietor that looks like a relative of Sam The Eagle gone severely to seed, and so on—doing generally unexpected things, like flashing pubic hair and ejaculating. Is this funny? The screening I attended did not exactly rollick with laughter, and I found scenes of humorous human interaction, such as an evidence hunt embarked on by McCarthy and Maya Rudolph, playing Phil’s loyal secretary, more amusing than the puppet stuff. But I don’t want to come down too hard on this movie, because even though it doesn’t work, the high spirits with which it was made seem unaffected. Which means that if you’re susceptible to such an atmosphere, particularly such a one as McCarthy and friends can create (other human cast members include Elizabeth Banks and Joel McHale; among the puppeteers is Kevin Clash, one of the original handlers of Elmo), you might get a kick out of it. But don’t bring the kids. Seriously. Just don’t.

(I think this review. I think this film is going to end up being “amusing, but not funny, with a conceit so out there you desperately hope it is funny” … and you end up quite disappointed which is where the bad reviews come from. That’s what I hope at least.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eks8LG72uo/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eks8LG72uo/

(Yeah that trailer only doesn’t really work because you would, presumably, want to bust out one actually good joke if you had one. It makes me suspicious that this is a joke-free shock comedy which tends to just be aggravating.)

Directors – Brian Henson – ( Known For: The Muppet Christmas Carol; Muppet Treasure Island; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: Yeah the son of Jim Henson, and this was supposed to start a series of alternative muppet films (basically) but it never happened after this financially flopped.)

Writers – Todd Berger – ( Known For: The Curse of Bridge Hollow; It’s a Disaster; The Scenesters; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: From New Orleans and started his production company Voodoo Productions there while in high school and he still uses the name.)

Dee Austin Robertson – (BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: An interesting case, she has two different The Movie Database profiles … wait, did I say interesting?)

Actors – Melissa McCarthy – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; Bridesmaids; Spy; Ghostbusters; Central Intelligence; Charlie’s Angels; The Heat; This Is 40; The Little Mermaid; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; St. Vincent; Go; Can You Ever Forgive Me?; Thunder Force; The Kid; The Nines; White Oleander; The Starling; Superintelligence; Pumpkin; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; Identity Thief; Life as We Know It; The Life of David Gale; The Back-up Plan; The Boss; Life of the Party; The Kitchen; Drowning Mona; BMT: Tammy; The Happytime Murders; Notes: An odd career. Obviously cut her teeth on television in things like Gilmore Girls and Mike & Molly. Then had her big break with Bridesmaids. Became a bona fide comedy A-lister, but that kind of crapped out with her husband often at the helm. But meanwhile she has had a rather impressive dramatic career now in things like Can You Ever Forgive Me? Just very interesting.)

Elizabeth Banks – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; The Hunger Games; Spider-Man; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Spider-Man 2; Spider-Man 3; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The 40-Year-Old Virgin; The Lego Movie; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Pitch Perfect; Role Models; The Next Three Days; Zack and Miri Make a Porno; Definitely, Maybe; Pitch Perfect 2; Power Rangers; Brightburn; Our Idiot Brother; Slither; Future BMT: Man on a Ledge; The Uninvited; Pitch Perfect 3; Fred Claus; Meet Dave; BMT: Movie 43; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Happytime Murders; Notes: Now a pretty major director with things like Pitch Perfect 3 and Cocaine Bear. I wouldn’t be surprised if she busts out a fairly serious Indie hit in the next few years that gets her some serious awards consideration … or maybe she’ll just be a director for hire and make a boatload making things like Cocaine Bear.)

Maya Rudolph – ( Known For: Big Hero 6; 50 First Dates; Shrek the Third; Gattaca; As Good as It Gets; Bridesmaids; Luca; Idiocracy; The Way Way Back; Licorice Pizza; Booksmart; The Mitchells vs the Machines; Inherent Vice; Turbo; The Angry Birds Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Sisters; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Away We Go; Future BMT: Duplex; Life of the Party; The Nut Job; Strange Magic; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; The Emoji Movie; Zookeeper; CHIPS; The Happytime Murders; Notes: She’s hilarious in everything. I particularly like her ad the dead wife in MacGruber, but she is all over the place writing and acting. Oh and she’s married to Paul Thomas Anderson.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $20,706,452 (Worldwide: $27,506,452)

(Yeah catastrophic. At least I can imagine where the money goes to. Making puppets and elaborate sets for puppeteers to operate in.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (58/248): The Happytime Murders wastes its intriguingly transgressive premise on a witless comedy that blindly pushes buttons instead of attempting to tell an entertaining story.

(Boo. This is exactly what one would fear it would be. Hopefully with a bit of distance and lowered expectations the film can still be a bit entertaining at least.)

Reviewer Highlight: The plot should be an excuse for comic invention, but it mostly just gets in the way, which makes me think that a feature film isn’t really what Phil and his ilk need or deserve. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Happy Sklog Murders

(I don’t mind this. Color, font, and puppets. All intriguing so it does its job despite being a typical star-driven, not artistic style poster. I kinda wish it was more old school… playing on the muppets more. But this is fine. Just not much flair. C+.)

Tagline(s) – No Sesame. All Street. (A)

Sex. Murder. Puppets. (A-)

(The first one is the one they got in trouble for. The second one is what replaced it. I think both are pretty good actually. Fun, short, and clever. The first one is the better of the two… unfortunately for their legal team.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.7 Black Christmas (2019), 75.9 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.1 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.2 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.6 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), Morbius (2022), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), Truth or Dare (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), … (and many more)

Best Options (Comedy): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 53.8 Just Getting Started (2017), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 Playing with Fire (2019), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 51.7 The Boss (2016), 49.2 Action Point (2018), 48.3 Vanguard (2020), 48.1 Sherlock Gnomes (2018), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 46.0 Nobody’s Fool (2018), 45.9 The Happytime Murders (2018), … (and many more)

(Not as far down as I would imagine. We were somewhat limited to 2018 in the end and the other options (Action Point and Sherlock Gnomes) were borderline as far as genre in my opinion. This has some serious Razzie cred though, so it works. I do like that we are pretty even on all the years, and it does truly show the issue we are facing with BMT going forward.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Melissa McCarthy is No. 1 billed in The Happytime Murders and No. 1 billed in Tammy, which also stars Susan Sarandon (No. 2 billed) who is in That’s My Boy (No. 3 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch The Kitchen, and Like a Boss we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Sesame Workshop sued the team behind the film for the tagline, “No sesame. All street,” claiming that the film tarnishes their reputation. The suit was rejected on May 30, 2018. Soon after, STX issued a brief statement, “We fluffing love Sesame Street (1969) and we’re obviously very pleased that the ruling reinforced what STX’s intention was from the very beginning – to honor the heritage of The Jim Henson Company’s previous award-winning creations while drawing a clear distinction between any Muppets or Sesame Street characters and the new world Brian Henson and team created. We believe we accomplished that with the very straightforward NO SESAME, ALL STREET tagline. We look forward to continued happytimes as we prepare to release Happytime Murders this summer.” Some TV spots for the film started with “From the studio that was sued by Sesame Street…”

A total of 125 puppets are in the film, with 40 specifically created for it. All of the sets were built so that puppeteers could stand on the floor and operate the puppets as if they were standing with straight arms. The floor of the sets came up in pieces, so the human actors had a two-foot margin to stay on their path.

Officer Donny, the cop, is Melissa McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone. The couple has appeared in several movies together including: The Nines (2007), Bridesmaids (2011), Identity Thief (2013), The Heat (2013), Tammy (2014), Spy (2015) and The Boss (2016), The Life of The Party (2018).

This is the first theatrical film Brian Henson has directed since Muppet Treasure Island (1996).

Brian Henson’s worst day on set was when he had to play Crab. He had to be inside a trash can so that he could direct while operating and voice Crab. While he was in there, he suddenly felt something cold and liquid creeping down his back. A crew member who thought it was a real trash can had carelessly thrown in a half-full bottle of beer.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Melissa McCarthy)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Joel McHale)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Brian Henson)