It’s hard to explain The Mod Squad. That’s not just because the Wikipedia page admits that “this article needs an improved plot summary” (don’t mind if I do), but because there are only a few moments in time where this movie is made. You need a time when there was a recent TV-to-film success that then begets a spate of attempts to convert that era into $$$. Think about the success of 21 Jump Street that then begets CHiPs and Baywatch. It’s just like that but weirdly in this case it seems like it’s the success of the meta Brady Bunch movie that then produces The Mod Squad. While seemingly totally unrelated, both TV shows come from around the same era (as does The Avengers, Wild Wild West and Mission: Impossible). Unfortunately I don’t think they winked quite enough in this case.
To recap, Julie, Pete and Linc are The Mod Squad. Detective Mothersed is all like “What are you guys, some mod squad?” and he’s right, they are. They are handled by Captain Greer, who loves them even though he wants them to get a handle on their lives and figure out that crime doesn’t pay, but being dope police officers does. For now they are just like extra cool informants that are sent undercover. Their latest gig is a bar where maybe some prostitution or something is going down. Julie finds out that her ex-BF runs the place and they rekindle their relationship. Pete and Linc notice that something shady is going on and ultimately this culminates in them going to a drug sale under a bridge and finding Greer shot. It seems like he’s a dirty cop, but the squad just can’t believe it. Now it’s personal. Julie soon finds out that her BF is a total bad guy (duh) working for some big time drug dealer and Pete also finds that Mothersed and a bunch of other cops are totally in on it (double duh) and framed Greer. This culminates in them trying to take them all down, but getting caught up in the bust. It looks like it’s the end for the Mod Squad. Not so fast! Pete made a recording and totally nails them all. Heroes again! Hooray! THE END.
Aw man. I feel kind of bad for The Mod Squad. It’s lame in a way that makes you feel kind of bad for it (while also acknowledging that at the time I think the style was cool and hip). You see these young actors and they are charismatic and you want it to be OK, but they cannot save this script. And it makes them look bad saying the lines. There are a few good things here and there, but I just can’t believe this is the script they made. The entire twist is airmailed to the point that I started to second guess myself. Like “well that can’t actually be the twist because otherwise this would be the worst script in history” line of thinking. And then they did it. When two-time Academy Award nominee Richard Jenkins comes in and is like “I hate all of you. You suck.” and then 10 minutes later, after The Mod Squad’s handler is killed, he walks in all like “Yo, guys. I’m sooo sorry.” I was like WTF, he’s the bad guy. And I was right. It’s like a script for a bad TV show… wait… What thuuuuuuu.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna say it. I don’t think Julie and Pete are going to last as a couple. What’s that? I never mentioned that in the middle of this film, after Claire Danes has been banging Josh Brolin for days, she turns around and realizes that rich-kid-turned-criminal-turned-annoying-mod-squader Giovanni Ribisi is actually totes her type and they start up a secret romance? This should be in the dictionary under “rebound relationship.” She’s a recovering addict who just got back into it with her bad boy ex-beau and got totally betrayed and here comes Ribisi being like “um, er, I actually kind of like you. Don’t you wanna date a nice guy for once, madam.” and she’s like “yeah, maybe that is what I want.” Spoiler alert for The Mod Squad 2: Even Modder, it’s not what she wants. Hot Take Temperature: Ribisi Snake Dance
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Remember The Mod Squad? You know, that old tv show. Well neither did anyone else. Let’s go!
I’m going to be honest here … I barely remember this movie.
I do remember that Giovanni Ribisi is terrible in it. Like genuinely very bad at acting in it. And that makes it all the more insane that he’s the one that they give the low interest storyline to. Just makes no sense. There was something about films of this era where people seem specifically rather annoying?
And then the mystery is dumb as well. It all seemed rather obvious. Or … well I would except the plot summary on wikipedia is rather sparse and I genuinely am having a very hard time remembering this film. It was Josh Brolin right? Josh Brolin was the bad guy. See, obvious.
As long as I’m right. I’m like 95% sure I’m right.
Anything good about this film? Omar Epps was pretty charming, although the way he hunch-walks around was bizarre … I’m going to chalk that up to poor character choices or a homage to the original show or something. But he’s charming and the bit about his car getting all f-ed up was decent.
I’m going to say this film is so forgettable and boring that it can’t really be BMT, right? This ain’t no Avengers where it is so weird you end up being charmed by it. It is literally just quite dull and unamusing.
It is pretty rare but Setting as a Character (Where?) for Los Angeles here as the entire film appears in a sepia tone to indicate that it is the vague hot desert-y aura of Southern California. And obviously Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that, obviously, Josh Brolin was the bad guy.
What else can we learn about mods? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, The Mod Squad. Let’s see. I bet there’s a good question about the TV show, and about cops, and about … Giovanni Ribisi’s snake dance. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Speaking of mod, outside of computing the modulo operation is possibly somewhat rare. What symbol traditionally represents modulo in mathematics?
2) Speaking of mod, the mod in this case is short for modernist and was a British subculture, predominately of the 50s and 60s. Around 1965, London became synonymous with fashion, music, and pop culture in these years, a period often referred to as what?
3) Speaking of mod, the Mod Cup is a trophy in the Scottish sport of shinty. Shinty is related to Irish hurling, and Welsh bando, but Minnesotans might be more familiar with “ice shinty” a sport played on skates with a small ball on a very large surface of ice. What is this sport officially called?
4) Speaking of mod, video game modding has a long and storied history. One version of Mario for example has been modded to up the difficulty to insane degrees. The name for this hack, is a five letter word starting with “k” which literally means “modification” in Japanese. What is that word?
5) Speaking of mod, this Charlie Chaplin film from 1936 sees The Little Tramp enter the workforce and get sucked up into a masterful set piece of gears and machinery. What’s the film?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Peggy Lipton, of the original Mod Squad, starred in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, which played late night Showtime on August 15, 1993. One of the lead in programs was this:
“But… but…” Patrick stammers, “it can’t be. Porcina Romano? You must be like 200 years old!” Kyle and Patrick recoil in fear, as the only other possibility is that Samantha was actually a gh-gh-gh-ghost. “No, dummies. I’m just the great great great grandchild of the great Planchet Romano. This cursed farm is my family’s legacy and sadly it was also your downfall.” A tear streams down her face. It was quite the coincidence. In fact, if you thought about it too hard you’d think it was too much of a coincidence to be believed. But they had to believe it… because they were living it and it was very real. “So, given the level of coincidence we are dealing with here, I have to ask… Do you know how to break the curse?” Kyle asks hopefully, but Samantha shakes her head sadly. They return to Miserable Jamie’s room, Samantha now in her Porcina Romano costume. “Aha, secrets secrets are no fun, unless you are a part of one,” Jamie taunts in the most annoying way possible. “Jamie, this is Porky Romano. She is here to help you,” Patrick sighs, all hope leaving his voice. “Come wallow with me,” Jamie says. “Come wallow in the mud where I belong.” Jamie flops into the mud and with a look of tenderness in her eyes Samantha joins him in the mud. “I’d wallow with you any day,” she says and kisses him full on the mouth. A thunderclap rings out and peace crosses over Jamie’s face. “Yes,” he says, “be with me in the mud. We are the Mud Squad together.” They hug… hard. Patrick and Kyle cry out at the beauty and strength of the brand that Jamie just coined. “So that was the cure,” Patrick says with relief. “Love.” That’s right! We are watching The Mod Squad, a truly reviled film adaptation of a classic television show. Given the cast and concept it’s hard to believe they messed this up so badly. Let’s find out how. Let’s go!
The Mod Squad (1999) – BMeTric: 60.9; Notability: 46
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.5%; Higher BMeT: Baby Geniuses, Inspector Gadget, Universal Soldier: The Return, Wild Wild West, Wing Commander, Beowulf, Dudley Do-Right, Bats, The Haunting, Simon Sez, The Rage: Carrie 2, Virus; Higher Notability: Wild Wild West, Inspector Gadget, The 13th Warrior, Snow Falling on Cedars, The Haunting, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, My Favorite Martian, End of Days, Idle Hands, Play It to the Bone, Bicentennial Man, Pokémon the Movie 2000, The Out-of-Towners, The Story of Us, Random Hearts, Double Jeopardy, The Bone Collector, Instinct, Stigmata, In Too Deep, and 13 more; Lower RT: Beowulf, Inferno, Foolish, Simon Sez, The Suburbans, Baby Geniuses; Notes: Too late for it to have been on television in the 90s. The BMeT is amazing though. I think we’ve seen 11/12 for the higher BMeT which is incredible, with just Inspector Gadget to go. Which means if we watch that we’ll have watched the top 13 at least which is awesome haha. We really have covered such a good slice of BMT films.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “The Mod Squad” has an intriguing cast, a director who knows how to use his camera and a lot of sly humor. Shame about the story. When you see this many of the right elements in a lame movie, you wonder how close they came to making a better one. The director, Scott Silver, co-wrote the script himself, and has to take some of the blame: This is a classy production and deserves better.
(Lol, shame about the story. It really does come across as a failed pilot for a reboot or something. The mystery just seems so slight and the result so tepid it doesn’t make much sense as a big budget ($50 million!) film.)
(Oh gosh, Ribisi is on one. You can almost tell there isn’t a story. They can barely cut a trailer properly from the nothing they shot. Oh man, and the needle drop at the end is horrible too.)
Directors – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From Worcester, MA. Mostly a writer, and an accomplished one too.)
Writers – Buddy Ruskin – ( Notes: Created the original Mod Squad … and somehow not much else. Dined out on that for his entire career I guess.)
Stephen Kay – ( Known For: The Last Time I Committed Suicide; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From New Zealand and married to Piper Parebo. And yeah, he produced, directed, and wrote on Covert Affairs. I’m not sure if that was before or after marrying Parebo.)
Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: As said above, quite accomplished. Has been nominated for two Oscars for writing for Joker and The Fighter.)
Kate Lanier – ( Known For: What’s Love Got to Do with It; Set It Off; Future BMT: Beauty Shop; BMT: Glitter; The Mod Squad; Notes: Going The Mod Squad and Glitter back to back is something else, that’s one way to be put in writer jail.)
Actors – Claire Danes – ( Known For: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; Stardust; Romeo + Juliet; The Hours; The Rainmaker; The Family Stone; Little Women; U Turn; Les Misérables; Igby Goes Down; Shopgirl; Brigsby Bear; Home for the Holidays; How to Make an American Quilt; The Flock; Me and Orson Welles; Stage Beauty; It’s All About Love; As Cool as I Am; A Kid Like Jake; Future BMT: Brokedown Palace; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: Evening; The Mod Squad; Notes: Very much known as a television actress with both My So Called Life and Homeland being major successes. Nominated for 10 Emmys and won two for Homeland and one for the miniseries Temple Grandin.)
Omar Epps – ( Known For: Scream 2; Alfie; Juice; Brother; Love & Basketball; Big Trouble; Higher Learning; The Program; The Wood; Breakfast of Champions; Almost Christmas; Fatal Affair; 3022; Trick; The Deliverance; Perfume; A Day in the Life; Future BMT: Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood; Major League II; Traffik; Against the Ropes; In Too Deep; BMT: Dracula 2000; The Mod Squad; Notes: oh, Major League II is coming up. I’m going to be honest, despite the series going bananas late in its run, I’m a little surprised he was never nominated for House. Laurie got nominated a bunch of times and Epps was the best of his assistants.)
Giovanni Ribisi – ( Known For: Saving Private Ryan; Avatar; Ted; Avatar: The Way of Water; Lost in Translation; Public Enemies; Ted 2; The Virgin Suicides; Cold Mountain; Lost Highway; Contraband; The Rum Diary; Selma; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; The Gift; That Thing You Do!; Boiler Room; Middle Men; The Bad Batch; Heaven; Future BMT: A Million Ways to Die in the West; Basic; Flight of the Phoenix; The Other Sister; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Gangster Squad; The Postman; Perfect Stranger; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for a guest spot on My Name is Earl of all things. He is particularly bad in this film, I don’t understand at all what he’s doing here.)
(Disaster. But what did they expect? Why are they spending $50 million on a 60s television series movie? The Fugitive this ain’t.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/65): The Mod Squad aims for stylish cool and thrilling adventure, but collapses in an incoherent jumble of dated source material and unintentional hilarity.
(Holy good god. Three percent is something else. That is astonishing. I’ve been doing good reviews as a highlight recently, and luckily this does actually have one. And it is a major one too.)
Reviewer Highlight: A great-looking picture that zips along with grace, light on its feet but possessed of just enough gravity to allow us to take its people rather than its old TV series premise seriously. – Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times
(I like the boldness of the colors and the vertical “THE”. There is some art to this for what is otherwise a rather boring poster. It also makes me ask the question: were these actors big enough stars to actually justify this poster? Hard to believe. B-.)
Tagline(s) – Undercover. (F)
(That is embarrassing. What the hell is going on?)
Keyword(s) – 1999-2007
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 86.4 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.2 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.2 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.2 Zoom (2006), 71.2 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Pulse (2006)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), The Master of Disguise (2002), Bratz (2007), Ultraviolet (2006), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001),…
Best Options (1999-1999): 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 55.0 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 45.0 The King and I (1999), 41.9 Black & White (1999), 40.8 The Out-of-Towners (1999), 40.4 Gloria (1999), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 39.4 Jawbreaker (1999), 39.0 Play It to the Bone (1999), 35.1 Doug’s 1st Movie (1999), 34.6 Drive Me Crazy (1999), 32.7 Held Up (1999), 29.4 The Story of Us (1999), 28.5 The Love Letter (1999), 27.3 200 Cigarettes (1999), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.6 At First Sight (1999), 26.5 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 26.2 Love Stinks (1999), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 25.7 Three to Tango (1999), 24.1 Blue Streak (1999), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.0 The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999), 20.9 The General’s Daughter (1999), 18.9 Double Jeopardy (1999), 18.8 Brokedown Palace (1999), 18.0 Crazy in Alabama (1999), 17.8 In Too Deep (1999), 17.5 Light It Up (1999), 17.4 Instinct (1999), 17.2 Trippin’ (1999), 16.8 8MM (1999), 16.7 The Other Sister (1999), 15.8 Jakob the Liar (1999), 14.7 The Bone Collector (1999), 12.9 Mystery, Alaska (1999), 11.5 Snow Falling on Cedars (1999), 10.7 Bicentennial Man (1999), 8.9 The Thirteenth Floor (1999), 6.4 A Dog of Flanders (1999)
(Should we have done Inspector Gadget? I don’t think so. IG will always be there. We needed to hit up this craziness while the getting was good.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Giovanni Ribisi is No. 2 billed in The Mod Squad and No. 2 billed in Gone in Sixty Seconds, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 11.
Notes – Omar Epps mentioned in several interviews that he greatly disliked the denim Levi’s clothes he and the cast had to wear because the jeans were very tight. He mentioned that there are several moments captured on screen during film where he wears a frown and grimace facial expression due to his jeans being too tight. The clothing in the film was specifically customized and provided by Levi’s. When the film was released, Levi’s put out denim commercials featuring Epps, Danes, and Ribisi.
Sarah Michelle Gellar and Milla Jovovich were among the actresses considered for the role of Julie Barnes.
Melissa Joan Hart was considered for the role of Julie Barnes.
Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris turned down the offer to direct.
The film was poorly received by critics. Many viewers of the old series felt it was ‘Mod Squad’ –in name (of title and characters) only.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Stephen Kay, Scott Silver, Kate Lanier)
“You guys want some cookies?” We’ve been cleaning up a lot of “previously on” BMT type films lately. These are films we saw back when we were youngsters and Corky Romano and its ilk were dominating our personal box offices. SNL was still king. It had crowned Sandler and was delivering unto us Will Ferrell. So why not Chris Kattan? Why not indeed. All these years later the only thing I remember from this particular film was the line I quote at the top. It appears in the trailer and features Kattan in a girl scout uniform… I will be on my deathbed and I will be able to say that line in the exact way that Kattan says it. An indelible part of film history.
To recap, Corky Romano is an (actually good) vet with a penchant for messing things up. He also happens to be the son of a local mob boss and the brother of two psychotic mob enforcers. When a rat within the family is threatening to bring the empire down they only have one thing they can do: bring Corky (up to this point unknown to the FBI) back into the fold and uncover as an agent. His mission is to find the file on the Romano family and destroy it. The only thing standing in his way is the suspicions of his new coworker Brick, his interest in the beautiful Agent Russo, and the fact that he keeps inadvertently helping solve or foil crimes through his bumbling ways. One such case that he is helping with is the Night Vulture, a brutal drug dealer, but I’m not sure why I’m talking about that… I’m sure it has nothing to do with the plot of the film. Anyway, ultimately Corky finds out his father is wanted for murder. When he confronts him about that, he denies it and it’s revealed that their longtime family associate is actually an FBI informant and planted that info. Corky is able to subdue him and also reveal that Brick is the Night Vulture (oh, I see. It was important because… uh… huh, no wait… still not important to the plot of the film). In the end he marries Agent Russo and goes back to being a vet. THE END.
I contend that Corky Romano had its moments. Purely from a comedy point of view it had me laughing more than many BMT comedies do. I also think it was rather inspired and ahead of its time to have Corky be an actually good vet. That’s a much more modern device: the competent imbecile. Underused really as it would have been fun to have Corky turn out to be a good agent because of his deep knowledge of animals and yet they barely touch on it and don’t even use it for the conclusion. Now the biggest issue for the film is that it doesn’t make any sense. And not just that it’s an impossibility that Corky would be entirely unknown to the agency or how exactly his mob family gets him installed as an agent. But Corky figures out who a serial killer is because of a watch he left at the crime scene and then stole from evidence. The serial killer left his distinctive watch at the crime scene and only big brain Corky can figure it out? That’s real dumb. It’s a pretty big issue with the film. Just real stupid and doesn’t make any sense. But I guess that’s what turning your brain off is for. As for Dirty Love, the less said the better maybe. There is something about Jenny McCarthy in the sense that she’s really going for it. Like Jim Carrey level mugging. There was a very brief moment where I was like “can she make this tolerable?” and the answer was no. It gets harder and harder to watch as it goes on. Not good!
Hot Take Clam Bake! I think it’s pretty obvious that the FBI knew that Corky was part of the family and was just letting him fool around in the agency to bolster their case against the Romano’s. Maybe they had an inkling that the info they had was bunk and that the real charge they could land was witness/evidence tampering and some tax evasion. By letting Corky in, they could hang an impersonating a federal agent charge over him and get him to wear a wire and really get the solid info they needed. Unfortunately this all would fall apart once Brick was revealed to be the Night Vulture and the Bureau would have to insulate themselves from the ensuing firestorm by promoting the work of the fine Agent Romano. Pretty obvious stuff going on here as otherwise there is no explanation for how they wouldn’t know that Corky was part of the Romano family. Not like he’s a distant cousin. Hot Take Temperature: Mango
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Remember Corky Romano. In a day or twooooooooooooo! Remember that from the trailer? No? Only me? Let’s go!
Corky Romano is an odd film. It was barely created (having been hastily written just before a sctors’ strike), and stars one of the stranger SNL stars of the time. Chris Kattan isn’t exactly leading man material but here we are.
I will say, out of all the stuff that could be considered good in this film, Chris Kattan is, weirdly, one of the better bits. He’s annoying, but on occasion he is kind of a charming doofus. The Girl Scout bit comes to mind. And I did laugh during the film, for example when Kattan offers his hand to his brother who turns and farts towards him instead … I didn’t say it was a good joke, just I said I laughed.
But yeah, the film isn’t super funny, is barely written, is often offensive, and has some of the worst acting you’ll ever see. And the twist! My god, the ultimate twist is that there is an FBI agent … who is also a heroin kingpin? Like why?! That is the kind of insane stuff you get when you write a script in a week to beat a strike.
But naturally, being a horrible sub-10% film on Rotten Tomatoes, this is a BMT film through and through. Also, obviously we need to watch all the Chris Kattan films for BMT. Really just Night at the Roxbury to go.
Not really Product Placement (What?) for the very distinctive bright orange Mazda Miata. And definitely one of the Worst Twist (How?) we’ve ever seen with the completely nonsensical reveal that the FBI agent Brick is also the drug dealing Night Vulture, say whhhhhhhhat?! Crazy. The film is BMT though and through, it barely makes sense.
Bring a Friend time. And what better pair for one of the worst films of all time to watch another film considered one off the worst of all time, Dirty Love. It basically swept the Razzies (back when that meant something) and Ebert gave it a rare zero star review (he also called it the third worst film of 2005, lol). Anyways, the film is awful, it really is one of those films where you wonder if you could make it, that is how not-a-movie it felt like. But the magnetism of McCarthy is undeniable, and it isn’t really a wonder she managed to have a (albeit brief) movie career launched off of a weird dating show on MTV.. If not for the fact that she’s a lunatic I would actually wonder why she didn’t end up doing a few more films. In this case though the film is a nothing film, and is garbage, and I barely remember anything about it, the end.
Well, what can you learn from Corky Romano? Find out in the quiz. Cheerios,
Oh snap. Can one learn anything from Corky Romano? I can’t imagine it, but I gotta try. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the film Pops Romano is going to be indicted for racketeering. Racketeering means “any criminal scheme or operation with ongoing or recurring profit,” as defined in the 1970 U.S. RICO Act. What does RICO stand for?
2) Corky drives a Miata (now sold as the MX-5) which is constructed by what Japanese car manufacturer?
3) Allegedly the name Corky comes from the nickname for the real-life New Jersey crime boss Gaetano Vastola. Vastola is somewhat notable for being one of the five murder which major mafia boss was charged with under the U.S. RICO Act?
4) C’mon now, you know you are getting a music question. What song is Corky famously singing waaaaay out of tune in the trailer and beginning of the film, and who performed it?
5) The movie Chris Kattan performed in right before this was a 2001 comedy starring Brendan Fraser in which Kattan plays a reanimated organ donor. What is this (very weird) film?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: October 26th, 1999 at 9:30PM a Chris Kattan classic was on tv.
Before them sat Jamie just as they had left him, but now he was not alone. There was a slight man in there with him and the man was… “Is he washing him?” Kyle asks, bile rising in his throat. Indeed this impish figure was washing Jamie and in his other free hand he held a pair of jorts. Tears were streaming down Jamie’s face in thanks. “They don’t care anymore,” he wailed, “They don’t care that I’m deaf and have no jorts. But you care, sweet little troll or whatever you are. Are you a hobbit? Don’t answer because I’m deaf and I won’t hear you and it will annoy me.” This carries on as Patrick and Kyle enter the room and the little man’s eyes widen in fear. He holds up a finger to his lips and Patrick and Kyle understand. They let him finish and afterwards Jamie is clean and bejorted and slightly less miserable. The little man leans in and gives Jamie a small kiss on the cheek, who swats at him and gets back to his typical whining about the lack of adequate v-neck depth in the shirts of today’s youths. The little elf man creeps into the other room and beckons them over. Once safely away from Jamie, he quickly takes off his disguise. “My word, it’s no hobbit or whatever, it’s Samantha!” Kyle exclaims. Indeed Samantha, having heard about Jamie’s affliction had returned and begun secretly taking care of him. “But you can’t reveal the secret to him. He’s never let me help if he knew it was me because of his hearing. He’s ashamed.” They understand, but what should they call her? “You shall call me by my birth name, Porky Romano.” Patrick gasps. That’s right! We aren’t watching Porky Romano, but rather the much more popular and famous Corky Romano which I believe was the most popular film of 2001. Although, I could be wrong about that. We are pairing that with one of the (unfortunately many) Razzie Worst Picture winners that never got a theatrical release. This time it’s Dirty Love starring Jenny McCarthy. Cool. Let’s go!
Corky Romano (2001) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 44
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Driven, Freddy Got Fingered, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Soul Survivors, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Valentine, Monkeybone, The Musketeer; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, Along Came a Spider, The One, 15 Minutes, Scary Movie 2, The Affair of the Necklace, America’s Sweethearts, Town & Country, I Am Sam, Don’t Say a Word, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Just Visiting, and 21 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men; Notes: Wow we watched 10 of the 12 films above this by BMeT and all but All the Queen’s Men (which is a bizarre British cross dressing film) for RT. That BMeT is not surprisingly quite good though.
RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – ‘Corky Romano” continues the “Saturday Night Live” Jinx, which in recent years has frustrated the talented members of the TV program in their efforts to make watchable movies. It’s a desperately unfunny gangster spoof, starring Chris Kattan as the kid brother in a Mafia family, so trusting and naive he really does believe his father is in the landscaping business. … “Corky Romano” is like a dead zone of comedy. The concept is exhausted, the ideas are tired, the physical gags are routine, the story is labored, the actors look like they can barely contain their doubts about the project.
(I’m honestly a little surprised this didn’t get a thumbs down. This feels perfect for that. A movie that is barely a movie with (quite literally) no script. That seems ripe for Ebert to reject wholesale.)
(Lol Peter Falk. Man I remember this trailer so well. IN A DAY OR TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IT was on all the time at the time. “Hi, you guys want some cookies.” Jesus Christ, it is imprinted in my mind.)
Directors – Rob Pritts – ( BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: So my understanding was they needed to get this movie done TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not in a week. It had to be done NOW. And this guy was the guy who said he could do it. And he did, in some incredible short amount of time, which is why the film seems so weirdly improvisational.)
Writers – David Garrett and Jason Ward – ( BMT: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Corky Romano; Notes: I’m not joking when I say I think we were this close to having the one and only BMT film without credited screenwriters if the stories about how this film was “written” were to be believed. But yeah, look at that BMT murderer’s row.)
Actors – Chris Kattan – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania 2; Leo; Undercover Brother; Nancy Drew; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; Foodfight!; Santa’s Slay; Guns, Girls and Gambling; Tanner Hall; Adam & Steve; Guest House; Christmas in Wonderland; Undead or Alive: A Zombedy; Hard Breakers; Slightly Single in L.A.; Walk of Fame; The Making of ‘…and God Spoke’; The Last Film Festival; Future BMT: A Night at the Roxbury; House on Haunted Hill; Delgo; BMT: The Ridiculous 6; Monkeybone; Corky Romano; Notes: Obviously most famous for Saturday Night Live, which he left in 2003. Does mostly voice stuff now from what I can tell.)
Peter Falk – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Wings of Desire; The Player; It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World; Murder by Death; Undisputed; A Woman Under the Influence; The Great Race; Made; The Great Muppet Caper; Opening Night; The In-Laws; Faraway, So Close!; Pocketful of Miracles; Husbands; Mikey and Nicky; The Cheap Detective; Robin and the 7 Hoods; Anzio; The Brink’s Job; Future BMT: Shark Tale; Next; Vibes; Roommates; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: Just one more thing. Colombo! His film work is always funny, especially the late stuff where it is like … why are you in Corky Romano again?)
Vinessa Shaw – ( Known For: Eyes Wide Shut; 3:10 to Yuma; Side Effects; The Hills Have Eyes; Two Lovers; Cold in July; Melinda and Melinda; Puncture; Big Miracle; The Weight of Water; Clinical; 12 Mighty Orphans; We Need to Do Something; Garden Party; Stag Night; Come Out and Play; Family Blood; L.A. Without a Map; After the Fall; Electric Slide; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; 40 Days and 40 Nights; Ladybugs; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: The girl from Hocus Pocus. I saw that recently … not as good as I remember, but probably better than most people remember.)
Budget/Gross – $11 million / Domestic: $23,980,304 (Worldwide: $25,272,752)
(That isn’t bad. Especially considering, again, that is seemed like it was barely a movie.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (6/84): Corky Romano continues the trend of bad movies featuring SNL members. The jokes are tired and unfunny, and the slapstick feels forced.
(Wowza, I do love <10% RT films. Knocking all of those off eventually would be a good goal. The wide releases I mean. Although even the non-wide releases might be tenable if we just focused on the 90s/00s. Only big films got 5+ reviews back then I think.)
Reviewer Highlight: With a great many contemporary comedies mistaking excess for invention and hyperactivity for dynamism, Corky Romano displays genuine heart. – Miles Beller, Los Angeles Times
(I mean… I like how bright and ridiculous it is. It’s actually very reminiscent of the famous Knocked Up poster that was actually very good. But I’m not sure the face of Chris Kattan is as intriguing as that. C+.)
Tagline(s) – Who is Corky Romano? (D)
(Yeah… right? This doesn’t work.)
Keyword(s) – 1999-2007
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), The Island (2005)
Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), …
Best Options (wiki-snl): 52.1 Superstar (1999)
(I just wanted to see what was available for SNL films. Superstar is a fun one, but unfortunately 1999 was spoken for. Corky Romano is not an SNL film, but it is kind of close enough to it to be fun.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Kattan is No. 1 billed in Corky Romano and No. 4 billed in Monkeybone, which also stars Brendan Fraser (No. 1 billed) who is in Escape from Planet Earth (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 10.
Notes – According to the screenwriters on Selling Your Screenplay podcast #81, the only reason the film was greenlit was due to a pending Actor strike in Sept 2000, so it was written in 10 days in May, filmed in June and wrapped in August- unheard of for a major studio film.
In his 2019 autobiography “Baby Don’t Hurt Me”, Chris Kattan noted that Paul Thomas Anderson (writer-director of Boogie Nights and Magnolia) and Richard LaGravenese (screenwriter of The Fisher King) each assisted with rewriting the script for Corky Romano, and they received no official credit. SNL writers Matt Piedmont and Scott Wainio also contributed to the rewrites.
One of Robert Pattinson’s favorite films.
Originally advertised as Corky Romano: ‘Special’ Agent, the movie was released as simply Corky Romano. The term ‘special’ with the marks around it was thought be making fun of a character’s mental disability.
According to Chris Kattan , he originally portrayed Corky Romano more realistic and less like a caricature. But after Disney executive Peter Schneider fell asleep while watching the first rough ensemble of a footage shot during the first three weeks of production, producer Robert Simonds ordered all the footage that had been assembled at that time to be re-shot. Because of the tight budget, these re-shoots could not be done separately but had to be incorporated into the rest of the shoot, and Simonds insisted that Kattan play the lead in a much more cartoony way, smiling constantly.
A clue has appeared! Since I spent Saw II espousing the franchise’s place in Franchise Man lore, I’ll have a little fun with this intro and continue the (probably never ending) saga of me trying to figure out what film reminded me of the plot of Gothika. We can officially rule out Gothika itself! Why? Just check out a previous entry on a great website called BadMovieTwins.com. In the preview for The Animal (which was written a little late as usual on July 9th, 2023) I made the following statement: “Maybe Kevin James was a secret serial killer so it was OK that they kicked his head clean off. But it wasn’t the case. Kevin James was not a secret serial killer. He wasn’t even a secret serial killer who only killed serial killers. No, Kevin James was just a successful actor that people liked to watch.” This is clearly a riff on what I was reminded of in Gothika. That she got off scot free just because after the fact it was revealed that he was a terrible serial killer and everyone decided it was totally cool that she murdered her husband with an ax. So now I have an upper limit. I had thought maybe it was related to Exorcist III, but no way. I had never seen that film at the time… what is it?! Gah!
To recap, Saw is back, Jack! And boy is he… playing even more games. But it seems like there are some games out there that are impossible to escape. That’s not Jigsaw’s way. His way is to make it only 99.9% impossible. Hmmmm.At the same time a doctor is captured and is told that she has to take care of Jigsaw. He’s basically donzo because of that brain tumor he keeps going on about. She had to keep him alive or her head will explode. He really just needs one last guy to go through his game. It’s Jeff, a grief stricken dad that is obsessed with vengeance. No good! Gotta get over that and appreciate life. In his game he is continually confronting the people that played some role in the death of his son. Instead of helping these people immediately he hems and haws and Jigsaw is like “told you so.” But slowly he gets his groove back even though Jigsaw’s games are dumb and keep killing the people he’s forgiven. In a final twist-em-up it’s revealed that his whole plan was really a test for Jigsaw’s apprentice Amanda, who has been rigging the games. She shoots Lynn, but is then shot by Jeff as he complete’s his game. Turns out he’s Lynn’s husband. Jigsaw is like “you get it, bro?” and Jeff is like nah, and slices his throat. As John dies the room is sealed and it’s revealed he also captured Jeff’s daughter and so… that’s a bummer. THE END.
Pretty much everything about the second film goes for the third as well. These are bad movies, but I also understand why fans enjoy and appreciate them. They cracked a formula. I just wish the franchise that was getting sequel after sequel in the 21st century wasn’t Saw, but rather Friday the 13th. That’s just a more fun franchise. My biggest issue with the later entries in the series is that they do seem a bit excessive in just how stupid the traps are. First of all many of them simply do not give the victim enough time. It’s like “Yank off all your fingers in 25 seconds or you DIE.” Even if the victim was super gung ho about ripping fingers there would be no chance. Second of all everything is just far too painful. I would just accept death. Dig into my eye for a key in the next minute or I die? How about no time limit. How about I eventually dig into my eye for the key and we’re cool. Otherwise it just isn’t worth it. I’d rather die without having dug into my eye because the time limit gives me almost no shot. So it does start to strain credulity. But I guess I should at least answer which is the better of the films, the second or the third… I think it’s the second, although the ending of the third is better just because it’s just crazy enough to work on me. I just can’t forgive how stupid, predictable and poorly acted the third one is.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I do not for a single second buy that Amanda is the only known survivor of Jigsaw. First of all, all the traps are dumb and basically inescapable. Second of all, what about the first Saw? The doctor left the room… I don’t recall ever finding out that he bled to death or tripped and fell down some stairs or something. The real point is that unless Jigsaw made her trap the only escapable trap then someone else would have gotten the gumption up to survive. And as well all know if you survive you are so grateful that you become enamored by the old dying guy who trapped you in the first place and become his apprentice. It’s the law. So he obviously rigged her trap so she survived because he wanted her as an apprentice and not a thousand other dumb apprentices along with her. Hot Take Temperature: A scalding hot cup of tea that contains piranhas with a thousand keys in their stomachs, but only one unlocks the beartrap on your head. You have 37 seconds.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Saw her? I never even knew her! It’s Saw III. Let’s go!
Oh boy, now this is the Saw I know and hate.
Straight up, this movie makes no sense. Pointedly a lot of the traps are not intended to be solvable, that is the whole issue Jigsaw has with his replacement, but even the traps that are meant to be solvable the guy just waffles around and then either fails or barely gets by them! It is nuts. Let’s cover people with pig guts. Let’s twist people’s arms and legs until they break. Let’s freeze a fully nude woman. These are the good traps. You heard that right, those are the GOOD Jigsaw approved traps. The woman made those traps and Jigsaw was like “that’s more like it, good job.” Horrible. Strike one: these puzzles are dumb as shit.
The style of the Saw films are a little like flop house chic. A real deal Derelict featuring Derek Zoolander. Remember when there was a time where people were totally into people living in squalor. Like that was considered cool? Se7en remembers. Fight Club remembers. The Torture Porn genre really was the last hurrah for that style I feel like. Strike two: this movie looks like crap.
As amazing as it is that Tobin Bell managed to break into the mainstream when he was 50, but I really don’t like Shawnee Smith in these films. Her character is necessary, but I do wish she was somehow more interesting. I suppose if you are going to be a lunatic you necessarily don’t have your shit together, but still, I would have expected better from a character who I imagine they thought they could at least try and anchor a sequel with. Strike three: Jigsaw is bad at recruiting.
So there we go three strikes and Saw is out. Pity we have to watch like ten more of these things.
Now this installment has a Worst Twist (How?) in the ultimate reveal that Angus Macfadyen, the guy who is in the main boobytrapped house, is the husband of the doctor who is kidnapped to “save” Jigsaw. Naturally, she has no real chance to save Jigsaw, just keep him alive long enough for Macfadyen to arrive and have to decide whether he should kill Jigsaw. He does, and so his wife dies. The End. This movie is closest to BMT, it is truly a horrible piece of garbage in the best sense of the word.
But what else can you learn from watching Saw III? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
This is it. Peak Franchise Man. This is the film(s) that sparked the idea for this year-long cycle. We were like “we should start a bunch of franchises we never got around to.” We may as well have said, “let’s watch Saw II & III.” Saw is more or less the platonic ideal of a franchise for Franchise Man. It starts off with a bang. A film that busts through to the mainstream. Gets everyone clamoring for more Saw. So what do you do? Blair Witch looked at that and said, “What if we did Blair Witch but the exact opposite and everyone will hate it?” Saw looked at that and said, “What if we explode heads and rip people’s fingers off and also create a lore so deep that you could swim in it forever and never reach the bottom of the lore?” Guess which one Franchise Man is the most interested in? Saw! Let’s go!
To recap, Jigsaw just keeps on playing games. When the latest victim leads to a message addressed directly to Jigsaw expert Detective Matthews, he is quickly able to track down Jigsaw at an abandoned warehouse. He’s in for a TWISTED awakening, though, when Jigsaw reveals that Matthew’s son Daniel and a bunch of other people have all been trapped in a house slowly filling up with a deadly nerve agent. The game is afoot! A couple of the people are killed in elaborate traps (surprise, surprise) they also reveal some subtle connections to each other in that they all were arrested. Unbeknownst to them, though, they were actually all framed by Detective Matthews. Additionally, one of the people is Amanda, the only known survivor of Jigsaw (mmmmm, lore). They soon start going insane or dying in elaborate traps. One of them, Xavier, figures out that they all have numbers on the back of their necks that will together be a combination to an antidote, but before he can read all the numbers, Daniel kills him. Seeing all this going on through security cameras, Detective Matthews subdues Jigsaw and forces him to take him to the house. Meanwhile the police also are able to trace the video feed and realize that the house where everything happened is long abandoned and the whole game was a recording. At that point a pig masked figure jumps out and traps Detective Matthews. What a trap! Turns out it’s Amanda and she’s now Jigsaw’s apprentice (arrrrggghhhhhhhh, I’m quickening with the lore!). Back at the warehouse a timer goes off and a box opens, revealing Daniel there safe and sound. THE END.
The entire time I watched this movie I was like “This is so dumb. This is so bad. This is dumb and bad.” Somehow with a little distance I have a strange fondness for the silliness that is Saw. Some major horror franchises know what they are and hammer it over and over to the delight of fans and the hatred of critics. Friday the 13th is the classic. Paranormal activity is a recent example. Saw certainly does that. But beyond a meta appreciation for franchises as Franchise Man, I think it’s hard to argue the fact that these movies are silly, unnecessarily gorey, morally problematic nonsense. The acting is truly dire, to boot. These are films to appreciate, but not actually enjoy or like. I do not enjoy or like them, but I will gladly watch them because I’m Franchise Man.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Uh, Jigsaw is dead the whole time… no, that isn’t going to work. How about this? The police are helping Jigsaw. Not actively, just kind of letting him slide. Think about it, literally everyone he kills this time are people that Donnie Wahlberg framed to get them off the streetz. They are the riff raff that the police want gone from the streets of [insert city name that is definitely not Toronto]. Maybe he’s not such a genius after all. Maybe he’s a big ol’ dumbo and the police are like “oh boy, really got us again, Jigsaw. You’re so smart with all your plans and shit that we can’t figure out. Hope you don’t kill another person we totally care about.” Hot Take Temperature: A furnace that explodes if you don’t pull your eyelids off in the next seven seconds.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Who’s sawing the sawers? Wait … that’s not the phrase it is? It’s Saw II, Let’s go!
Ah the Saw franchise. As a host of my favorite podcast suggested, the people who try and catch up on the Saw franchise are really just trying to make their lives worse. He ain’t wrong!
Out of all the horror genres out there, the one I like the least is what is often referred to as Torture Porn. This falls into that definitively. But here’s the thing. I had only ever actually watched the original Saw. Otherwise the only other Torture Porn film I’ve seen in Hostel. So I don’t know … maybe Saw didn’t become true Torture Porn until later?
Nope. Well … it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I do think you’d throw this into the Hostel bucket. I think I just have fully desensitized myself to most horror at this point. I imagine if I watched something truly brutal I would still get physically ill, but regardless, I managed to watch Saw II with little to no difficulty.
Ah, but the movie? Perhaps I thought it was actually kind of good like the original?
Nope, the acting is terrible, the plot is dumb, the traps are stupid, Jigsaw makes no sense, all the cops are stupid, this movie is dumb. The End.
But to be more exact with it, the issue with Saw to some extent is that the traps are often just really stupid. The survivor woman from the first had the easiest task of anyone. She had to kill another person and retrieve a key, that’s it. Most people have stupid traps like … pull out all your toenails, or walk through a football field of syringes or something. Like … borderline it is like, but that would maim me? My feet will never be the same. My desire to live while maimed isn’t the same as my desire to live. They touch on this a bit in the third film. Regardless, often, the traps only really work because people waffle too much or the trap itself is dumb. That, honestly, is the worst part of the franchise. I’m a puzzle guy and the idea that the puzzles often feel either too easy or too hard is frustrating.
In this case, the trap house is a little fun, even if Donnie Wahlberg Jr. isn’t really doing it for me as the ultimate twist. I do like how the film ends in the same place as the first, and the twist itself is actually not terrible. But still, the film sets up the franchise and hooooo doggy, it isn’t super impressive.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t think this film deserves any superlatives, not even for the twist. The twist is kind of good, and the rest don’t match up. You get nothing Saw II! This is closest to BMT I think, the film is genuinely poorly made and stupid and a good example of a bad example of Torture Porn.
So what are you going to learn from Saw II? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
What’s that? We back jack? That’s right, I have to make a second Saw themed quiz because we also watched Saw III. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the third Saw film there is a whole big thing about how Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) is breaking his own rules since the traps were being set up without a way to survive. Detectives would say this broke his M.O. What does M.O. stand for?
2) The entirety of the film takes place in a meatpacking plant. Now … there is a famous book that exposed the horrid working conditions in Chicago’s meatpacking industry. What is that book, and who wrote it?
3) Saw III apparently use a bathroom set from Scary Movie 4 (a franchise directly spoofing Saw at the time). Simon Rex played George Logan in that series. Who played his brother Tom (mostly in Scary Movie 3, while ripping off Signs)?
4) Apparently, as part of the promotion for Saw III, there was a big blood drive. Blood types (ABO) were discovered by Karl Landsteiner for which he won the 1930 Nobel Prize in Medicine. In addition to the ABO designation there is also +/- which is referred to as what officially?
5) The soundtrack for Saw III features songs by many heavy metal bands including Slayer. Slayer is consider one of the four major bands of “thresh metal”. Name any of the other three.
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Crazily the third Chainsaw Massacre film played at 10PM on TMC on April 14, 1992. The lead in to that was this BMT classic:
Saw II is mostly plotless, so what fun facts could we possibly glean from it for a quiz? I guess we’ll see.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Apparently a scene of an elevator was a reused scene from a 2000 sci-fi film. It was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects in 2001, losing to Gladiator. And while not a direct adaptation, it is easy to mistake the film as being part of a famous Universal series. What was this film?
2) The soundtrack features a song by Queens of the Stone Age. Their second major Billboard hit was Little Sister heavily featuring the cowbell. So much so that Will Ferrell performed with them when they played the song on SNL. In the More Cowbell sketch featuring Christopher Walken as fictional music producer Bruce Dickinson, what was the band and song being played?
3) Tobin Bell has a crazy career with his breakout role coming in his 60s as Jigsaw in the Saw Franchise. One of his minor roles was as Ted Kaczynski in the TV Movie Unabomber: The True Story. The Unabomber famously took part in Henry Murray’s unethical human psychology experiments as a 17-year-old, and some speculate he further participated in what theoretical CIA led brainwashing program?
4) Billy the Puppet is the little doll that really really wants to play a game. He is considered to be a ventriloquist dummy. What comedian had luminary dummies named “Peanut”, “Walter”, “Jose Jalapeño”, “Bubba J”, and “Achmed the Dead Terrorist”?
5) Saw II features Donnie Wahlberg who, of course, was (is?) a main member of New Kids on the Block. NKotB had three number 1 hit singles (that’s three more than I expected), the last of which shares a name with a TGIF show. What is that hit single?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: We talking about Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II? Oh, we aren’t. Anyways, this was another after midnight treat on April 24, 1991 when TCMPII played at 2:45AM on Showtime:
Bad Movie Twins 