We are killing ourselves with bonuses here, but fortunately we are really hitting some big time BMT films with them. Like *checks notes* Transylvania 6-5000? Weird. Did you know the title of this is based on a song Pennsylvania 6-5000 from 1940? It’s such a disastrously misguided title that I have to twist myself into pretzels to even justify it. Really the only justification is that Dow Chemical funded the film as a way to convert their Yugoslav dinar into American dollars. Otherwise that money had to stay in Yugoslavia. I can just imagine the ancient executives at Dow Chemical being like “just one note… call the movie Transylvania 6-5000. The kids love that swing music and jazz cigarettes.”
To recap, Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. are two reporters for a tabloid. Goldblum aspires to bigger and better things, so is particularly dismayed when a grainy homemade video suggesting the existence of a Frankenstein’s monster gets them assigned to the wild goose chase. Off they go to Transylvania where Goldblum assumes they will find nothing. Jokes on him because Frankenstein is real. Not according to the townspeople, though… or the police… or anyone, really, and Begley Jr. is laughed at whenever he inquires. Goldblum is more fascinated by a lovely tourist, Elizabeth, but slowly also gets a feeling that the town itself is not what it seems. As they begin to have run-ins with several other monsters, such as a vampiress and a wolfman, they grow suspicious of a local mad scientist. Things start to really get out of control when Elizabeth’s daughter appears to be kidnapped by the Frankenstein’s monster. This culminates with them finding the laboratory of the mad scientist, who appears to have created all of the monsters they have run into. But they eventually also learn the truth, that the mad scientist is trying to help them. They reveal this to the town, who eventually welcomes the monsters with open arms. This enables Goldblum and Begley Jr. to get a crazy story out of it all and the publicity of their dreams. THE END.
This is barely a movie. Mel Brooks must have had so much sway back then to get this and Silence of the Hams made simply because someone remotely connected to him (but not Mel Brooks himself) was involved. It’s like a one note SNL sketch stretched out for ages as people scramble around. I guess one positive note about it is that I thought it got better as the film went on (and on and on) and we get some early Michael Richards doing a bunch of crazy shit, which is always a bit fun. But when I say they are scrambling, I really do mean they just kinda bop around doing bullshit for 90% of the film. Not even funny bullshit mostly. But… it’s better than Silence of the Hams (raves Bad Movie Twins).
Hot Take Clam Bake! Keeping the Mel Brooks connections going, are we sure this isn’t riffing on The Elephant Man? Hear me out. We have that hot Brooks connection. We have a doctor taking “freaks” under his care to try to help them be more accepted by society, which he ultimately succeeds in doing. They were shopping the film for five years. It’s a 1985 film. What was five years before that? The Elephant Man. Is it a sequel? Is it a prequel? Is it a reboot? I think it’s a reboot. You heard it here first: Transylvania 6-5000 is a reboot of The Elephant Man franchise (“and it’s better than the original!” – Patrick). Woah! Now, Patrick… that really is a hot take. I don’t think I’d go that far. But you do you. Hot Take Temperature: John Hurt.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me manically running around a hotel while a young Michael Richards chases me* Let’s go!
The Good? Oooooooof. I mean, some of the jokes I guess. We’ve watched a few spoof films in the past few months. This, I didn’t really expect to be a spoof film, but in many ways it is a spoof film, spoofing the classic Universal Monster Films. And there are little kernels here and there that I can appreciate. The trick on getting into and out of the insane asylum. The monsters all being people looking for medical treatment. Some of Michael Richards gags. As over the top as it often is there are on occasion small funny bits.
The Bad? The film is very unfunny, it very weird, feels interminable, looks like shit, and is basically just two actors playing right into their schtick. I like both of their schticks, but it is just not enough to sustain the whole thing. It is unbelievable this is a wide release film. It looks soooooo bad. It is such a weird film. It is really just a much smaller step up from Silence of the Hams than you would expect.
The BMT? I don’t think so. The film just is too bad and not funny. Same with Silence of the Hams. I would be embarrassed to show this film to someone and that pretty much precludes it from being a true BMT film.
I had to try out this image batch operation on some posters. So I scraped the top 200 posters for 1985 off of IMDb and asked the very scientific query: “Give me all the posters which feature Jeff Goldblum”. The results were: Silverado, Into the Night, Transylvania 6-5000. Those three are correct. In that those are the three major films Jeff Goldblum was in in 1985. The only quibble is that it can’t really differentiate between the name being on the poster and the person appearing on the poster. I don’t think he’s on the Silverado poster, but his name is there. Still, fun.
A real Setting as a Character (Where?) for Transylvania, which, this could be the best Romania film we’ve ever seen. There is a MacGuffin (Why?) in that they are chasing a story about the real deal Frankenstein (and they get more than they bargain for). And again, I liked the twist (that all the monsters are just regular people getting medical treatment), so there. The film is Bad, straight up, not funny and scattershot.
Learn all about monsters I guess in the Quiz. Cheerios,
What was the name of the doctor who created the monster in the novel by Mary Shelley? Dr. Frankenstein? Hell naw, that’s Dr. Malavaqua. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot
1) Pennsylvania 6-5000 was made famous by Glenn Miller, but it only hit number 5 on the Your Hit Parade charts. He did have many number one hits over his career including a rendition of what 1939 song which won the Best Original Song Oscar in 1940?
2) Speaking of, the local Transylvanian band butchers the song New York, New York, which naturally was written for the movie New York, New York. Not nominated for any Oscars (including Original Song, absurd), who directed that film?
3) The classic Universal Monsters (many of which are spoofed in this film) were considered to be what five monsters?
4) The film was financed by the Dow Chemical Company as a scheme to repatriate money accumulated in Yugoslav dinar that couldn’t otherwise be freed under Yugoslav law. Yugoslavia would split into Croatia, Slovenia, Macedonia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the Republic of Yugoslavia. What three countries did the Republic of Yugoslavia eventually split into?
5) Leonard Maltin is apparently somewhat famous for his one word review for the film which involved him in a video swaying along to Pennsylvania 6-5000 and when that part of the song comes up he says the name of the movie and what one word?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: On March 28th, 1997, Transylvania 6-5000 played on Comedy Central. A little earlier on TMC:
With that, Samantha turns and picks up a rock from the Bin of Rocks and turns to perform the ceremonial destruction of her previous entry on the Wall of Lovers. While Brad and Alejandro’s ghosts are a bit annoyed by this, they also understand that it was never them. It was always Jamie. There is no other way but to take a Rock to their false love. Four or five Rocks later and covered in sawdust, Samantha turns to Jamie. Together they use a Lover’s Chisel to begin carving the heart that will represent their forever love. It takes hours, interrupted only by intense makeout sessions the likes of which the roller skaters at the roller rink could only dream of. When they finish, Jamie turns to Samantha and asks what’s next. With tears in her eyes she whispers, “Life.”
Months later, Jamie stands on the shores of Hallston Lake. He had moved to Samantha’s hometown and they had indeed lived. But now he was alone. Well, almost. Because Patrick had also moved to Hallston to be there for Jamie in his time of need. “Hey buddy,” Patrick says kindly. “You thinking you want to head back to Brooklyn? Maybe start in on the third book of the Platonic Solids series? How’s that sound?” But that didn’t sound good at all to Jamie. “No… no I don’t think so,” Jamie says monotonously. “I just… need to… go for a swim,” he says looking at the moonlight bouncing off of Hallston Lake. With that he strips entirely nude and wades into the depths of the ice cold lake. Patrick is worried. It was very unlike Jamie to go midnight skinny dipping without eating a large surf and turf dinner immediately beforehand. That’s right! We are taking our own chilly dip into spooky waters with Night Swim. It’s about a haunted swimming pool. Given the impossibility of actually connecting to the 2024 cycle from the 80’s by definition, we built a bicycle with an (ironically) equally spooky horror film, Transylvania 6-5000. A movie that even me, a child of Comedy Central, barely knew existed. Finally we are pairing those with our final Friend of the Bring a Friend cycle: Revolution. It’s the Al Pacino film that doomed the Revolutionary War genre of film for decades. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 2.4%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.8%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Perfect; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, My Science Project, King David, Maxie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Santa Claus, Perfect, Rocky IV, Brewster’s Millions, Head Office, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Invasion U.S.A., Turk 182, Death Wish 3, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, The Slugger’s Wife, Heaven Help Us, Godzilla 1985, Creator, and 12 more; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, Head Office, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Slugger’s Wife, Maxie, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, King Solomon’s Mines, King David, Once Bitten, My Science Project, Private Resort, Fever Pitch, Death Wish 3, Summer Rental, Tuff Turf, Gymkata, Rustlers’ Rhapsody, Perfect, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, and 2 more; Notes: I’m continually a little amazed when I realize we still have such big movies left. Howling II, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines. These are bad movie classics when you are in the know. We’ve watched a crazy number of bad movies, but the job never ends.
New York Times – The actors in ”Transylvania 6-5000,” which opens today at Loew’s State and other theaters, seem to have the impression that they are doing something funny, though where they got that idea is anybody’s guess. It cannot have come from the screenplay, which was written by Rudy DeLuca, who also directed the film, as a series of utterly listless comic setups. It’s not that Mr. DeLuca has done anything wrong, exactly; it’s simply that he never does anything right. There’s no reason for this material to be funny, so, not surprisingly, it never is.
(I mean … fucking nailed it. It is true, it is basically an improv troupe where nothing is working quite like you’d expect despite the setups being there.)
(It’s cute. The movie is aggravating, but the trailer is actually like not that bad. In that it is taking the best part of the film and delivering in small doses like it is intended. Like it looks like it might work … rest assured it does not.)
Directors – Rudy De Luca – ( BMT: Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: He was an actor in a bunch of Mel Brooks films as well, including playing Vinnie in Spaceballs.)
Writers – Rudy De Luca – ( Known For: High Anxiety; Silent Movie; Caveman; Box Office 3D: The Filmest of Films; Screw Loose; The Good Bad Guy; Future BMT: Dracula: Dead and Loving It; Life Stinks; BMT: Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: He won two Emmy for writing on the Carol Burnett Show. Eventually he also did a bunch of variety shows as well.)
Actors – Jeff Goldblum – ( Known For: Jurassic Park; The Grand Budapest Hotel; Thor: Ragnarok; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Independence Day; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Annie Hall; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; The Fly; Isle of Dogs; The Prince of Egypt; Asteroid City; The Switch; Morning Glory; Invasion of the Body Snatchers; The Player; The Right Stuff; Cats & Dogs; Wicked; Future BMT: Man of the Year; Holy Man; Hideaway; Vibes; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Independence Day: Resurgence; Mortdecai; Nine Months; Transylvania 6-5000; Mad Dog Time; Notes: Nominated for a short Oscar in 1996. These days he manages to be notable as being the weirdest and wildest part of the Wicked films.)
Joseph Bologna – ( Known For: Ice Age: The Meltdown; My Favorite Year; The Big Bus; Alligator II: The Mutation; Coupe de Ville; Jersey Girl; Love Is All There Is; Chapter Two; Boynton Beach Club; Cops and Robbers; Tango Shalom; Made for Each Other; Mixed Company; Heaven Before I Die; Future BMT: Big Daddy; The Woman in Red; BMT: Blame It on Rio; Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Lovers and Other Strangers in 1971. He died of cancer in 2017.)
Ed Begley Jr. – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Ghostbusters; This Is Spinal Tap; Whatever Works; Best in Show; An Officer and a Gentleman; Book Club; Strange Darling; A Mighty Wind; You’re Not You; Lucky; Streets of Fire; Cat People; Get Over It; She-Devil; The Accidental Tourist; Plus One; For Your Consideration; Auto Focus; Hardcore; Future BMT: What’s Your Number?; The Pagemaster; Renaissance Man; Greedy; Protocol; Fly Me to the Moon 3D; Young Doctors in Love; BMT: Batman Forever; Amsterdam; CHIPS; Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys, 6 times for St. Elsewhere. He never won. His role in Hardcore is insane, and the son of Ed Begley who won an Oscar for Sweet Bird of Youth. I obviously know him as being in the later seasons of Veronica Mars, he was the president of the College she goes to.)
(That is better than I would have expected I guess. The economics of mid-80s film is confusing because I doubt they made much on television of home video, but they probably got more from the theaters as well. Seems like a break even.)
(There is really only one review here and the gist is: This might be the worst horror-comedy you’ll ever see. The guy ain’t wrong … although things like Dylan Dog exist so who knows.)
New York Times Short Review: Strained Frankenstein spoof. Forget it.
(A great classic poster style. What’s funny is that by today’s standards this doesn’t work. Too much going on. Nothing to anchor to. Like reading a book rather than an advertisement. But if a modern movie made an alternate poster in this style it would be fun. B.)
Tagline(s) – WANTED: Two thrill-seeking reporters, brains optional, looking to dig up the story of the century. For information call… (F)
(We were in that transition period where posters were changing. Taglines were changing. A (bad) relic from that bygone era.)
Keyword(s) – 1983-1991
Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)
BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), Cyborg (1989), Problem Child 2 (1991), Rhinestone (1984), Red Sonja (1985), Troll (1986), Bolero (1984), …
(There isn’t really a sub-genre here, so I didn’t include it. We were just looking for a good 80s film to pair with Night Swim, and this came up as one to do.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jeff Goldblum is No. 1 billed in Transylvania 6-5000 and No. 3 billed in Trigger Happy, which also stars Burt Reynolds (No. 6 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (6 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Paranoia we can get the HoE Number down to 13.
Notes – The movie was financed by the Dow chemical company in order to spend frozen finances (money that could not be spent outside the country of origin) that the company had in Yugoslavia.
Jeff Goldblum recommended Ed Begley Jr. to the director for the role of Gil Turner and Begley recommended Michael Richards for the role of Fejos.
Much of the scene between John Byner and Carol Kane preparing the lunch was improvised. The script’s only direction was ‘cut fruit and serve’.
The little girl playing Elizabeth’s daughter, Sara Grdjan, was a locally cast Croat who spoke no English. She had to be taught to speak her lines phonetically.
The director saw 40 women for the role of Odette. They liked Geena Davis and when she pulled off a compelling Bela Lugosi accent, they knew they had their Odette.
I have never seen Rocky V. When we first started BMT we would avoid watching films we had already seen. But then we’d also not love starting a series in the middle when we haven’t given the BMT treatment to the earlier films in the series. What a conundrum for the Rocky series and Rocky V in general. But now our priorities have been put straight and Rocky V can be brought into the fold. I can finally watch Rocky V. So what did I know about the film going into it? I know E from Entourage is in it. I know that Stallone’s son acted in it and that there’s like a street fight in it. I know what everyone hated it. I know that it came out the same year as The Godfather Part III, which everyone also hated. So I know that 1990 was the year that the dreams of males both young and old were shattered and everything they loved was killed by sequels. I also know that I kind of liked The Godfather Part III… so maybe I’ll like this.
To recap, immediately following the Drago fight, Rocky retires. Good thing, too, because he’s given a diagnosis of brain damage and is told that fighting again may seriously impair him. This would probably be OK, though, since he’s got his family and his son is doing great with everything that he can give him from his boxing winnings. That is until, uh oh! Paulie entrusts Rocky’s wealth to a scammer and they lose everything. Oh Paulie! The only way out of the hole is to fight and a promoter, George Washington Duke, is ready and willing to give him a big payday to fight his fighter, Union Cane. But with the diagnosis he ends up having to sell all his assets and move back to Philly. His son is dismayed to find himself thrust onto the hardscrabble streetz of Philly and begins to be victimized by some bullies. Rocky meanwhile reopens Mick’s Gym and soon catches the eye of Tommy Gunn, a raw boxer from Oklahoma. Rocky eventually takes him under his wing and soon Tommy is working his way through the lower ranks. Despite being neglected, Rocky’s son learns to fight and pushes back against the bullies, eventually falling into the wrong crowd himself. Tommy Gunn also feels a bit neglected as he toils away and falls under the influence of George Washington Duke. Tommy jumps ship for a shot at Union Cane and eventually wins the title. Rocky mends his relationship with his family, while Tommy struggles with the fact that no one respects him for ditching Rocky and not fighting a real champion for the title. Duke pushes Tommy to goad Rocky into a fight and he confronts Rocky at a local bar. Rocky tries to say no, but Tommy punches Paulie. Hey! Paulie may be a total piece of shit, but he’s Rocky’s total piece of shit! They go out in the streetz for a street fight and duke it out. They pummel each other for a while, Rocky seems brain damaged and all that, but eventually grits his way to a win. THE END.
Wow! This movie sucks! Just bad decision after bad decision. First, it’s embarrassing. Every five minutes you cringe. Just very uncool vibes going on in this film. It’s trying to be hip with the change to the soundtrack and streetz attitude, but it’s not. Second, it’s a kids movie. Obviously Stallone didn’t totally want to make a fifth film, but if he was making it he wanted to do this. Part of this was probably because he was a family man and he wanted to act with his son. It’s admirable, but contributes to the uncool, anti-Rocky vibes wafting off this film. Third, I could be OK with the general uncoolness… if the last fight wasn’t so horrible. What in the absolute world were they thinking with the street fight ending? No thank you. Anyway, in an incredible upset I have to say I actually thought Sage Stallone was not bad. Pretty good for a young actor taking on a very big role in a major blockbuster. As for Invisible Maniac, it’s a fun one. I was a little disappointed, but only because I had a high expectation from The Flop House podcast. I was promised a maniac jumping and smashing a head like a pumpkin. That is more implied than anything else. I did enjoy some of the other more risque scenes. Had to put on my glasses for those. Overall it was fun and a good example of the genre, but it had to contend with my own imagination, which is tough.
Hot Take Clam Bake! This entire film continues the dying dream as Rocky falls to the canvas during the fight with Drago. You think it’s a coincidence that Rocky’s son is easily at least five years older upon their return from Russia? Can’t you see that the whole brain damage storyline is his brain telling himself that it’s been damaged? Adrian goes and works in the same pet store as like fifteen years earlier. You think that pet store would still be open? In fact, every movie from here on out is just a continuation of the very long dying dream of his punch-addled brain. Hot Take Temperature: Street fighter turbo.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me screaming You’re losing everyone! C’mon! during a street fight* Let’s go!
The Good? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Huh. Well, I mean. Huh. Like. I guess I kind of dig the weird way in which Rocky just puts on his old outfit and goes back to the neighborhood and really doesn’t miss a beat in resuming his old poor-as-shit life. That is an interesting (and fairly understandable, given the lives of many heavyweights) trajectory for the character. Definitely led to more interesting stuff in the later films. I’ll give them that.
The Bad? Literally everything else. The bulk of the film is Rocky (genuinely) being a shit father. He straight up ignores his own son and adopts a fighter with daddy issues, and then is like “Duh. Yo, like, Rob, this was a problem for you? Like you didn’t like that?” You can’t really coast past the issues with the Tommy Gun actor, but the worst bit is the character of Duke does play right into the problematic racial overtones of most of the series (even though it is just literally making fun of Don King directly).
The BMT? I would have said no, except right at the end it totally redeems itself! The ending fight is “that’s a gif” galore. There are like a thousand gifs in it, mostly with zoom shots of Duke screaming things like “You lose, you’re finished!!!” It is the best thing in the universe.
Back to AI analysis. Lol, the query from the Rocky IV recap is not consistent. This is the issue with the current AI paradigm. I know there is a sense of learning how to use it properly. But someone I know said it is a programming language (I can see that, a higher level programming language) “except stochastic and a black box.” … Stochastic I can handle, stochastic is fine. A black box? That is a little more difficult to reason about. I can get it to return maybe a little consistently with larger images. And the nice thing is it does image batch pretty well. That’ll be my next thing I think, just working through that a bit. You do tend to have to force it to return json every time, and even though it is clearly understanding the image, it needs to be pretty high quality seemingly to make things less random. Go figure.
The Friend for Rocky V is natural as can be, another super strong bad dude: Invisible Maniac. Huh. Well, we heard of this film mostly through The Flophouse I believe, so I was always intrigued by it. Along with Head of the Family and Castle Freak, this one one of Stuart’s stalwart suggestions. Ultimately, I found the film to be a little too weird for my personal tastes, and as Jamie said it had a tough time living up to the impression I had of it. But I did understand the allure of seeing the titular invisible maniac stomp on the lead actress’s head near the end of the film. That is probably the only real redeeming feature of what seems to possibly be a soft-core pornographic film? C-, didn’t enjoy it, but can kind of see the appeal.
This is a great Setting as a Character (Where?) film for Philadelphia, in all its decrepit glory. And yeah, new category for Worst Ending (How?) for the ultimate fight being a ridiculous looking street fight outside of the garbage bar Paulie and Rock go to in the first film. This movie is BMT, but only because of that final fight.
Learn all about street fighting probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Rocky IV has come and gone as a BMT film over the year. Honestly, it’s annoying. I’m annoyed by it. The movie has always been, and always will be hilarious. So it’s hard for me to take seriously the idea that a film will ironically not qualify for BMT. Similar in many ways to Moonfall. It gets credit for having its tongue in its cheek? I don’t think so. Rocky IV doesn’t even have its tongue in its cheek. Its tongue is firmly planted at the bottom of its mouth and has no intention of moving. Anyway, it’s delightful that after RT curated a number of older reviews this film managed to claw its way to BMT glory. I can rest now *an ancient sigh is released from Jamie’s chest and he falls into a deep slumber*
To recap, Rocky is doing great. He’s the champ. He’s got a family he loves. His brother-in-law Paulie has a robot. What else does a man need? A challenge, right? Wrong. When the monstrous Drago emerges from behind the Iron Curtain and asks to fight Rocky in an exhibition, Rocky is like “pshawwwww.” Long retired Apollo Creed, on the other hand, sees an opportunity. Always the showman, he sets up the super patriotic exhibition and is promptly pummeled to death. Not ideal. Rocky is sad. Adrian is scared. She knows Rocky and Rocky will want to avenge his friend. She’s like “you can’t win!” because she just saw Drago smash Apollo in the face until he died. But has she met Rocky? He’s got a literal rock for a head and so he agrees to the fight and heads off to Siberia to train. Oh he spars. Oh he lifts. Oh he ditches his Russian handlers with his blazing fast speed. They aren’t going to fight for money or belts. They are fighting for pride… and because Drago shattered Apollo’s body with his fists and Rocky didn’t like that. After Adrian arrives to lend her begrudging support, the big fight in Russia is on. Rocky is pummeled pretty much like Apollo right from the jump. But unlike Apollo he doesn’t know when to quit and just keeps standing and letting Drago punch him a thousand times. He has him right where he wants him. Soon the tide turns and he cuts the Russian. If Drago can bleed then Drago can be beaten. In the end Rocky wins even though it was probably like 120-10 on the scorecards after Drago won every round 10-1. Even the Soviets are cheering for Rocky and he gets to return home a hero! THE END.
I mean… I’m not going to sit here and say this movie is bad. It’s great. Really, really fun to watch. Do I think Sly Stallone knew exactly what he was doing when he made this? No, not really. I think he was making the movie he wanted to make and this is his vision of a film. Totally serious. If you watch the series back-to-back-to-back like I did you can see how the Rocky movies reflect Stallone’s life. It increasingly becomes about the challenges of fame as Stallone himself becomes more famous. Rocky IV is the transition point from “I kind of experienced this” Rocky/Stallone crossover to “I could end the Cold War” Rocky/Stallone. Insane stuff. There is a real visual and emotional flair that he still had, though, and it’s kind of thrilling to watch. Makes sense, too, that he basically stopped directing at this point. His 80’s style was on the way out and he only came back when he did another Rocky film, another Rambo film, and an Expendables film, which is essentially his attempt to bring his style back to the mainstream. It’s good, but like, also it’s really bad in the best possible ways.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I think it’s obvious that Rocky dies on punch 500 that he takes straight to the dome from Drago. As his limp body falls to the canvas he imagines coming back in the fight. Just bull rushing Drago, taking punch after punch directly to the face, without even flinching. The Russian gets cut? Not while Rocky is alive. In his dying dream, maybe. Drago was 100-0 going into the fight (I can’t remember if this is a real fact or comes from some non-canon source) and after the fight is 101-0 with probably 101 deaths on his hands. RIP Rocky. Hot Take Temperature: Smoking hot lady robot.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me climbing a mountain in Siberia with a light windbreaker on and bankrupting myself in the process* Let’s go!
The Good? Uhhhhh, are you dumb? This movie is incredible. It is both ironically and unironically good. At one point Dolph Lundgren proclaims that Rocky’s body is like punching steel. There is an entire song montage that shows all three of the prior films. Rocky agrees to have a fight for no money in Russia on Christmas Day. “If he dies he dies.” “I must break you.” This movie is genuinely incredible and the fact that is qualifies is a travesty.
The Bad? I mean, fine, the fight is ludicrous looking. They deal haymaker after haymaker, land all of them, and remain standing. At one point they suggest Lundgren has the hardest punch in history and he’s shooting up steroids and pure science is running through his veins. This movie is endlessly ridiculous and should be ridiculed for it.
The BMT? I mean … is the movie good, or is it so bad it’s good? The world legitimately may never know. Do I love it ironically, or unironically? I don’t even know. It is an enigma.
Final one of these advert ones. I did indeed change up the query to explicitly tell it to only look for full page advertisements. I don’t know how consistent it is, but it did, in general, seem better, at least for Rocky IV. Pretty much nailed it:
Of course, yeah, Rocky IV is one of the big boys. But look at those others! A BMT and a … Disney film I guess. It stars Mary Steenburgen and Harry Dean Stanton of all people. Goddamn, it was playing everywhere. It was wide release, and this juuuust narrowly beat having three BMT films as advertisements on the same day. That would have been something else.
I’m going to name a special award called The Worst Person In the Universe, Why Are You Friends With This Person (Who?) to give to Paulie. I’m going to give a Product Placement (What?) for the Lamborghini Jalpa Rocky rides in during the music montage. Definite Setting as a Character (Where?) for Siberia. Secret Holiday Film (When?) for days in the fight taking place on Christmas Day. Another special award called I Must Avenge You Apollo (Why?) for the movie death that has to be avenged at all costs. And this movie is somehow both Good and BMT, but I’m going to lean BMT and accept that this film is technically a bad movie by movie making standards.
Learn all about punching probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,
1) MC Hammer performed a song for the soundtrack. Did you know he had a Saturday-morning cartoon. What was it called?
2) Kevin Connolly had his first acting role in this film as the bully Chickie. What HBO show did Connolly play Eric Murphy in?
3) John Avildsen won an Oscar for directing Rocky, and he directed many famous films (Karate Kid anyone?). But he also directed Jack Lemmon to his only lead actor Oscar win for what film?
4) I did end up watching the three Creed films. In the first film Rock almost dies (again!). Remember why he got brain damage in this film? Anyways, what did he almost die of in that film?
5) Tommy Morrison was actually the WBO heavyweight champion in 1993. Who did he beat, who also became the oldest heavyweight champion a few years later?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: November 12, 1991 Rocky V premiered on Cinemax primetime. This, of course, was competing with this film:
Ooooo, maybe I’ll learn about Siberia or something. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Many shows have spoofed Rocky IV over the years. Even, surprisingly, this kids’ television show, made in Canada, and the origin of Nickelodeon’s green slime.
2) When Apollo fights Drago, James Brown appears as himself to perform Living in America. That song peaked at #4 on the Top 100. But that isn’t the highest single by Brown. What song is? Either the main title or subtitle accepted.
3) Rocky IV is a rare example of a BMT film with a writer-director-actor … right? I mean, it is rare right? Nope, actually, there are 57 films that qualify with that distinction, like 2.5% that is about the same as the number of twins. One of the others we’ve seen is a Star Trek film. Which one, and who directed, wrote, and starred in it?
4) Made specific by Sergei Eisenstein, what term, meaning “assembly” or “editing” in French was the major contribution of early 20th century Soviet film theorists to formal film analysis?
5) The film was actually the subject of a notable copyright case, in which a writer, Thomas Anderson, accused MGM and Stallone of stealing his Rocky IV script and using it without compensation. What was the result of this ruling?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: A little twistemup here. Airplane 2 was on television the day of Rocky IV’s release:
Jamie, Samantha, Patrick and Kyle all quadruple group hug. Tears and snot mingle on their shirts. For a brief shining moment Samantha sees her roller rink beaus looking down from heaven nodding and giving her a thumbs up. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” Patrick says, when the group hug had run its course, putting emphasis on the word ‘overhear’ in order to really hammer home the lessons they all learned that day. “But what ever happened to Alajandro and Brad?” Samantha smiles sadly. “In a wild coincidence they also had vague terminal illnesses. It was part of why they were engaging in the particularly risky activities of drag racing and rollerskating on the day I met them. They each, separately and unknown to the other, had nothing left to live for… I guess that is until they met little ol’ me. And then once they were gone,” with that her voice catches and she runs her hand across a faded heart carved in the Wall of Lovers. “Once they were gone I also didn’t have much to live for and so why not take part in an obvious sham Fashion Week? Why not dress as half a horse? I just didn’t count on meeting my actual other half that day.” Jamie and Samantha share a passionate kiss. The smooch goes on and on, seemingly (and in actuality) for hours. It would have been extremely uncomfortable for Patrick and Kyle to stand there watching them if it wasn’t so beautiful. A beautiful unique tragic love. A tear runs down Kyle’s face as he ponders the beautiful unique mannequin he will craft to remember this moment by. Samantha and Jamie break their kiss and with eyes shining Samantha asks, “You wanted to know what was next?” Jamie nods. “It’s time to Rock.” That’s right! It is time to rock. Rocky IV and Rocky V that is. Rocky IV hasn’t always qualified, so we are jumping at that chance. Rocky V? That’s always qualified. For a Friend we are bringing along The Invisible Maniac. It’s about a maniac that turns himself invisible. It’s all there in the title. Let’s go!
Rocky V (1990) – BMeTric: 55.1; Notability: 52
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Captain America, Look Who’s Talking Too, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Ghost Dad, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; Higher Notability: RoboCop 2, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Predator 2, Days of Thunder, Jetsons: The Movie, Young Guns II, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Air America, Marked for Death, The Rookie, Captain America, Stella; Lower RT: Problem Child, Death Warrant, Graveyard Shift, Repossessed, Loose Cannons, Soultaker, Madhouse, Funny About Love, Captain America, Ghost Dad, Fire Birds, Spaced Invaders, Meet the Applegates, Where the Heart Is, Heart Condition, Ernest Goes to Jail, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Look Who’s Talking Too, Air America, Everybody Wins, and 27 more; Notes: I literally cannot believe Rocky V played on television as much as it did (72 times). It is also interesting that the top BMeT films are often just not that popular. Here Captain America played 17 times, but the next three after played 66, 51, and 32 times. Robocop 2 also played 54 times. Anyways, of all the Rocky films this is the big gun from a Notability and BMeT perspective.
New York Times – Rocky, Buffeted by Fists and Life, Returns to His Roots – HIDDEN in the attic at the Balboa manor house are a black leather jacket, an old sweatshirt and a porkpie hat, relics of the Rocky of yore. Early in “Rocky V,” the humbled ex-champ is forced to take these things, put them back on and go home to palookaville (in this case, South Philadelphia), as if he had never been noisily and conspicuously on top of the world. … It’s a smart move. There’s life in the old boy yet.
(MY GOD. How embarrassing for the New York Times. And that’s Janet Maslin, that ain’t no scrub watching this film. I can see the point … it just doesn’t square with the last 10 minutes of the film.)
(An unscrupulous promoter ehhhhhhhhh. It is kind of insane that they don’t actually fight in the film. It is ridiculous that they don’t even have the fight. It is effectively what Rocky Balboa is about.)
Directors – John G. Avildsen – ( Known For: Rocky; The Karate Kid; The Karate Kid Part II; Lean on Me; Inferno; The Power of One; Neighbors; Save the Tiger; Joe; The Formula; A Night in Heaven; Hurry Sundown; W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings; Happy New Year; Cry Uncle; Guess What We Learned in School Today?; Slow Dancing in the Big City; Foreplay; The Stoolie; Future BMT: The Karate Kid Part III; 8 Seconds; For Keeps?; BMT: Rocky V; Notes: Nominated for Traveling Hopefully, and won Best Director for Rocky. Kind of amazing he managed to make both the best and worst Rocky film.)
Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: He has only ever been nominated for Rocky films. Which … I mean looking at his writing credits, that makes perfect sense.)
Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Although, I do think people think Cop Land is the one people point to and say: that is where he should have been nominated or even won. I do like the performance, but the film is just a little blah.)
Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: I did not realize Talia Shire was in Rad. She played Mrs. Jones. And now I need to see this film.)
Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: I find it crazy he was third billed here, it obviously should have been Stallone’s son. His son’s performance is crazy in this, but also it is quite bad.)
Budget/Gross – $42 million / Domestic: $40,946,358 (Worldwide: $119,946,358)
(This isn’t bad, but yeah, it is obvious the series had ended once the domestic take didn’t hit $100 million. I can’t imagine what Rocky VI would have been though … I guess him training his son?)
Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (12/38): Rocky V’s attempts to recapture the original’s working-class grit are as transparently phony as each of the thuddingly obvious plot developments in a misguided installment that sent the franchise flailing into longterm limbo.
(I cannot believe this has a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes. This film is genuinely horrid. And yeah, Rocky V is exclusively the reason this franchise went dark for years.)
New york Times Description: Scraping the barrel. Sweaty and juiceless.
(Really terrible. Also very funny that the whole film is based on the idea that he’s training the next big Rocky sensation, but the poster is more or less “not so fast.” D.)
Tagline(s) – Go for it! (F)
(Not this one. Go back to the one that implies the fight in the film is actually on the level of a world war.)
Keyword(s) – 1983-1991
Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)
BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …
Best Options (franchise): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), …
(Kind of crazy this isn’t one of the tops. The only one worth anything there I think is The Karate Kid Part III. That series really really goes off the rails.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky V and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.
Notes – Sylvester Stallone originally planned to make the effects of Rocky’s brain damage much more visible and painful to see, but altered these plans after watching a few days of footage because the sight of Rocky like that was “like seeing your favorite dog with dysplasia.”
During shooting, John G. Avildsen felt that cinematographer Steven Poster was over-lighting many scenes. He told Poster he wanted the film to look more like Rocky (1976), in which James Crabe often used a single spotlight to light an entire scene (such as the opening boxing match). Poster told Avildsen that the original film “looked like a cheap documentary”. Avildsen smiled and said, “Exactly”.
In an interview with Jonathan Ross, Sylvester Stallone was asked to rate each of the “Rocky” movies out of 10. He gave this movie zero.
Sylvester Stallone originally toyed with the idea of killing Rocky off at the end of the film. The plan was that Rocky would die in an ambulance on its way to the hospital with Adrian by his side. At the hospital, she would have announced to the world of his passing and his spirit would live on with a final flashback of the famous scene of him running up the steps. Stallone ultimately abandoned this concept and rewrote the ending.
This is the first movie where Rocky’s real name, Robert, is used. When Rocky first meets Tommy Gunn, as George Washington Duke pulls up in his limo, Duke says “Mr. Robert ‘Rocky’ Balboa!”
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Talia Shire)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (John G. Avildsen)
Jamie, Samantha, Patrick and Kyle all quadruple group hug. Tears and snot mingle on their shirts. For a brief shining moment Samantha sees her roller rink beaus looking down from heaven nodding and giving her a thumbs up. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” Patrick says, when the group hug had run its course, putting emphasis on the word ‘overhear’ in order to really hammer home the lessons they all learned that day. “But what ever happened to Alajandro and Brad?” Samantha smiles sadly. “In a wild coincidence they also had vague terminal illnesses. It was part of why they were engaging in the particularly risky activities of drag racing and rollerskating on the day I met them. They each, separately and unknown to the other, had nothing left to live for… I guess that is until they met little ol’ me. And then once they were gone,” with that her voice catches and she runs her hand across a faded heart carved in the Wall of Lovers. “Once they were gone I also didn’t have much to live for and so why not take part in an obvious sham Fashion Week? Why not dress as half a horse? I just didn’t count on meeting my actual other half that day.” Jamie and Samantha share a passionate kiss. The smooch goes on and on, seemingly (and in actuality) for hours. It would have been extremely uncomfortable for Patrick and Kyle to stand there watching them if it wasn’t so beautiful. A beautiful unique tragic love. A tear runs down Kyle’s face as he ponders the beautiful unique mannequin he will craft to remember this moment by. Samantha and Jamie break their kiss and with eyes shining Samantha asks, “You wanted to know what was next?” Jamie nods. “It’s time to Rock.” That’s right! It is time to rock. Rocky IV and Rocky V that is. Rocky IV hasn’t always qualified, so we are jumping at that chance. Rocky V? That’s always qualified. For a Friend we are bringing along The Invisible Maniac. It’s about a maniac that turns himself invisible. It’s all there in the title. Let’s go!
Rocky IV (1985) – BMeTric: 10.9; Notability: 54
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 16.0%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Perfect, Transylvania 6-5000, Creature, Gymkata, American Ninja, Private Resort, Invasion U.S.A., Once Bitten, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Death Wish 3, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, Avenging Angel, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, King David, A View to a Kill, and 20 more; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, My Science Project, King David, Maxie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Santa Claus, Perfect; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, Head Office, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Slugger’s Wife, Maxie, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, King Solomon’s Mines, King David, Once Bitten, My Science Project, Private Resort, Fever Pitch, Death Wish 3, Summer Rental, Tuff Turf, Gymkata, Rustlers’ Rhapsody, Perfect, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, and 24 more; Notes: Obviously quite low BMeTric. If you look at the top 10 there, this guy played the most in the 90s (63 times), but Red Sonja is close behind (62 times). I do love that Gymkata played 35 times. There is something about that movie which felt like it was a modern 2000s rediscovery, but presumably a ton of people watched it in the 90s and that is how it became a cult film.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The “Rocky” series is finally losing its legs. It’s been a long run, one hit movie after another, but “Rocky IV” is a last gasp, a film so predictable that viewing it is like watching one of those old sitcoms where the characters never change and the same situations turn up again and again. Even Sylvester Stallone seems to be getting tired of the series; as the writer and director, as well as the star, he puts himself through the same old paces.
(I suppose the irony would be that Rocky as a series is basically still going, and not only that but the third Creed film is making all the same mistakes as Ebert is pointing out here. Time is a flat circle.)
(Apollo nooooooooooooooooo! Insane that they just mention that in the first trailer. The music sting at the end though is immediately a classic. The movie looks insane and amazing. Which it is.)
Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Notes: He didn’t direct as much as I really remember, although he directed more Rockys than I would have thought. He is likely to never direct again as well, he seems to be doing smaller films plus writing these days.)
Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: Staying Alive is upcoming and yeah … that means we are going to legit be done with Sly the writer and director. He does have an upcoming writing gig though, but I’m somewhat convinced that will be review-proof to some degree.)
Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: And then there will be only Ratchet & Clank in the new year. When we watch Staying Alive that will be our 25th Stallone film. Insane. He seems a bit busy with Tulsa King these days to churn out stinkers.)
Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: Nominated twice for Oscars for The Godfather Part II and Rocky. She was amazing in The Godfather Part II, and she is by far the best thing in some of these later Rocky films even though she doesn’t get much to do and people make fun of her for it.)
Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Oh wow, we finished off Burt Young. I suppose I just always expected there to be another random weird 80s Burt Young to go to in the end. Rocky was really a phenomenon, he was also nominated for an Oscar for it.)
Budget/Gross – $28 million / Domestic: $127,873,716 (Worldwide: $300,473,716)
(Gigantic. Rocky V truly is so terrible is scared even the money-making machines of Hollywood away from the series for a decade or two. This isn’t even a good movie and it just easily breaks $250 million in the 80s.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (20/51): Rocky IV inflates the action to absurd heights, but it ultimately rings hollow thanks to a story that hits the same basic beats as the first three entries in the franchise.
(Juuuuuuust right there. Indeed it hasn’t qualified for years, but just a few months ago that switched and Rocky IV became a qualifier again. We would have watched it regardless.)
New York Times Description: This time he boxes a Soviet giant. Guess who wins.
(Spoiler alert! It’s OK. Just wish it didn’t spoil the end. S for spoilees.)
Tagline(s) – Get ready for the next world war. (B+)
(Holy shit. That’s not clever but it is great. I want to give it an A, but I’m a stickler for the tagline as everyone knows.)
Keyword(s) – 1983-1991
Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)
BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …
Best Options (franchise): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.7 Missing in Action (1984), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 41.4 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987), 40.9 The Delta Force (1986), 38.0 House Party 2 (1991), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 34.0 Ernest Saves Christmas (1988), 33.4 Death Wish 3 (1985), 31.3 Ernest Scared Stupid (1991), 31.0 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 26.6 National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985), 24.2 A View to a Kill (1985), 24.1 Oh, God! You Devil (1984), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988), 17.4 Best of the Best (1989), 15.1 The Black Stallion Returns (1983), 10.9 Rocky IV (1985)
(This isn’t the one we did, we did Rocky V for this. It is kind of crazy Rocky V isn’t more reviled. It is actually truly trash, and bizarre to boot.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky IV and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.
Notes – Sylvester Stallone decided that for the shooting of the fight, he and Dolph Lundgren should hit one another for real, so as to increase the intensity of the scene. After doing three takes of Rocky taking shots to ribs, Stallone felt a burning in his chest, but ignored it. Later that night, he had difficulty breathing and was taken to a nearby emergency room. It was discovered that his blood pressure was over 200, and he had to be flown on a low-altitude flight from Vancouver, Canada to St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica, where he remained in intensive care for four days. What had happened was that Lundgren had punched him so hard in the chest, Stallone’s heart had slammed up against his breastbone and began to swell, cutting off the blood supply and restricting the oxygen flow throughout the body. . However, when asked about whether or not it really happened while answering a series of fan questions in a 2021 interview with the Guardian, Lundgren claimed to have no recollection of the incident. “I don’t know,” he said. “[Stallone] keeps talking about it, so maybe he’s right. He did go to the hospital, but I don’t know whether it was my punches or the fact that he was so overworked as the director, actor and writer. We shot those 15 rounds over two or three weeks, eight or 12 hours a day, so you’re throwing thousands of punches. If you don’t connect, it looks a bit fake, but it doesn’t mean you want to hurt the other guy. But there were no hard feelings.” He went on to explain that stand-ins and stunt doubles were rarely used, and that he has performed the majority of his own stunts and fight scenes–but that this has changed in more recent years. “Back in the day, you had to do it all yourself: Rocky IV, The Punisher, Masters of the Universe, all the Expendables,” he said. “I’ve jumped from a motorcycle to a truck; dangerous things I would never do now. Staying physically fit over the years has been nice. There aren’t many actors who can stay physically fit for a long time. Part of the game is trying to look fit, at least.”
“Rocky IV” became the highest-grossing film in the “Rocky” series to date, taking in just over 300 million dollars worldwide.
During filming, Dolph Lundgren and Carl Weathers really did not get along and got into an altercation. Lundgren threw Weathers into a corner of the boxing ring. After that, Weathers shouted profanities at Lundgren while leaving the ring and announced that he was calling his agent and quitting the movie. Only after Sylvester Stallone forced the two actors to reconcile did the movie continue. This event caused a four-day work stoppage while Weathers was talked back into the part and Lundgren agreed to tone down his aggressiveness.
James Brown is seen performing the song “Living In America” prior to the Creed vs. Drago match. The song was released as a single from the movie’s soundtrack and became Brown’s first Top 40 single in eleven years, and the last of his career.
Over 8,000 people auditioned for the part of Ivan Drago. Dolph Lundgren was first turned down by the casting directors for being too tall but later on, he got the chance to send photos and meet Sylvester Stallone who told him he had a good chance to get the part, but advised him to gain twenty pounds of muscle. In total, it took Lundgren several months to win the part.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)
Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)
Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Brigitte Nielsen)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Talia Shire)
Alright, in the Breakin’ portion of the post, I let you know who Brion James was (oh, and Shabba Doo as well). Let’s get into Boogaloo Shrimp himself. Interestingly, his wikipedia page is under his birth name: Michael Chambers. Maybe Boogaloo Shrimp is too silly for a wikipedia page. We actually don’t have any more BMT films to target for him, even as a Friend. He was in a couple of non-qualifying films and then ended up playing a dancer in Dudley Do-Right. We’ve obviously seen Dudley Do-Right starring Academy Award Winner Brendan Fraser. In fact, it had a proper place in BMT Lore (BMTL). Back when we first started doing cycles one of the categories was Kids Films. This made sense. Most of those films are horrible. Unfortunately that was also its downfall. Dudley Do-Right was the straw that broke the camel’s back and we removed that category. Who knew we got some boogaloo there as well.
To recap, Special K is back, Jack! She has been killing it on the dance scene. But she’s so tired of just being one of the chorus line. She takes a break to reflect. During that break her richie rich father (who knew!) insists she finally go to Princeton. But she won’t. Dance is her life. Remembering her days with Ozone and Turbo she returns to find that they are also killing it. They are dancing up a storm at the local community center and the whole neighborhood sings and dances wherever they go. Dope. Meanwhile an eeeeevil land developer is eyeing the community center for a mall or whatever and starts to work the back channels to get it condemned. Kelly and the gang put up a fight and are given thirty days to come up with a boatload of cash. Cash that Kelly’s dad would give her if she went to Princeton. But dancing is her life! They try all kinds of things like car washes and stuff all while Turbo falls in love, Kelly gets an audition for a big show in Paris, and Ozone deals with a jealous ex-GF. This culminates in Turbo getting seriously injured falling down some stairs. Only through the power of dance is he healed and able to join the gang in stopping the bulldozers from knocking down the building. Using the media against the eeeevil land developer, he agrees to let them keep the center if they raise the money for renovations. They put on a big show and in the end Kelly’s father, finally understanding his daughter’s life, makes the final donation to save the say. THE END.
The first film was sweet and actually kind of good despite its faults. This is just pure distilled BMT silliness. The music scenes are nonsense, most notably the hospital scene, which I think is kinda famous for how ridiculous it is. The plot is so derivative that you could mistake it for being ironic. Kelly’s father and the eeevil land developer are caricatures to the point that they might as well have been cartoons or had a monocle or a cigar in their mouths. It is not at all surprising that this is a very notable bad movie and the first one is not. It is kind of everything we want to witness when we choose a BMT film, but few filmmakers are brave enough to deliver it too us. As for Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, hoooo weeee, this brought back some memories. In my mind the boy in it is like Luke Skywalker’s age. From my perspective, as a five year old watching it, he was a big kid. He’s like 9 and the single most annoying character in film history. Literally even the teddy bear Ewoks are shaking their heads being like “get a load of this asshole” when he sticks his hand in a log and almost gets eaten and then complains when they save him. All that being said the effects were pretty great and the big monster alien scary and impressive. I liked it, but boy that kid was annoying.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Kelly takes that job in Paris… obviously. She just won the approval of her father for her dance career. No more annoying “you should go to Princeton” lectures. And let’s be real, Ozone has had two movies to make a real move on Kelly and she hasn’t really been super into it so far. She’s probably dreaming of that French dancer she’s about to meet who she’ll bring back to LA and he’ll be like “Haw haw. What is theees, how do you say, break-king? Baguette. Fromage. Grand Paris. Haw haw. I am French.” Ozone and Turbo will be like can he even dance? And she’ll be like he’s the best ballet dancer in the world. And then they’ll pop lock in front of him and he’ll stick up his nose at them and huffily storm off and then Kelly will be like “you guys embarrassed me!” and that’ll be the end of that. Hot Take Temperature: A hot day on the Seine.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *Gif of me pop lockings, but then I pop lock up the wall and onto the ceiling and I’m dressed like Michael Jackson (again!)* Let’s go!
The Good? I mean, this movie takes the previous movie and cranks it up to 11. If you liked the last movie, this is just more of that but crazier with a rich v. poor story which is working overtime to make anything make sense. And often the pop locking has never looked better. And of course you cannot forget that the subtitle is the top subtitle ever in the history of film: Electric Boogaloo. It is now, effectively, a joke in itself concerning absurd sequel subtitles.
The Bad? Several moments in the film take the pop locking and bring it to the streetz. By which I mean, random people like mailmen and shit start to break dance in the street as our heroes pass by. Or Turbo commits a crime and then almost dies in a stair mishap and is later cured through the power of dance inside a hospital (where also the power of dance brings someone back to life). Moments like this make you wonder: is this some delusional fever dream we are watching? It is decidedly unreal and in that way, much like Icarus, strays too close to the sun and its delicate pop locking wings are melted.
The BMT? Hell yeah. This is one of the quintessential bad movie cult classics. The first film is arguably a good film. This film though goes too far and becomes bad, but also is supremely weird and entertaining. That is a BMT formula to a T.
I did continue my adventure in New York Times advertising. This time I gave it a slightly larger image and refined the prompt such that it was to look for large full page ads only. Even then it was a little discouraging to realize just how random it was. It was limiting itself to films it seemed after a bit, but whether a bunch of ads would count as “majority” or one large one was different run to run and it took long enough that majority rule rerunning would have been a little too annoying.
Supposedly it gets better it you do structured data, so plausibly an option would be for it to return json as {“timestamp”: timestamp, “percent_advert”: float} to try and force it to only report high probability timestamps … but I’m a little skeptical. The better path would probably be to give it an even bigger set of images, and then hope that that would give it enough clarity to fix the issue. Either that or try to restrict it to pages where 100% of the area is a single film advertisement and thus leave nothing up to chance. Regardless, this is one of the results I got:
There is a Breakin’ 2 advertisement on the page before the The River advertisement, and often the second page would be omitted on repeat runs.
Oh shit, you best belieb we watched The Great Ewok Adventure: The Caravan of Courage. The official title of this television movie depends on where you are looking. The Great Ewok Adventure seems like the most common. First, the son in this film is hilariously bad. So bad that it kind of almost ruins the movie. Second, the daughter character is literally a baby. She was around four years old when they filmed and you can tell, she seems to have trouble even getting through scenes sometimes. But, third, I love them little Ewoks! This movie does its job. By which I mean it sells toys to children and reminds everyone that Star Wars is a children’s property at its core. B, I liked watching this, it was a blast from the past. I will also say I watched Battle for Endor (in which the entire family is unceremoniously massacred), and that one was genuinely better, but that makes sense when you realize they traded up from the most annoying child actor in history to Wilford Brimley. That was just a little extra though, so I won’t give it a grade … but I guess a B+.
Once again, the film is a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Greater Los Angeles. A great MacGuffin (Why?) for the famous community center that needs to be saved. If ever you hear the phrase “to save a community center” used as a punchline as a joke, it is likely a play off of the storyline of Electric Boogaloo. And naturally Worst Twist (How?) for the eeeeevil industrialist and general rich person at the end of the film who has a Heart of Gold and now realizes just what a good community center means for a community. This movie is BMT and also kind of good to boot, but hey, I like pop locking more than most I imagine.
Read all about pop locking maybe in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Bad Movie Twins 