Horror/Thriller – Page 2 – Bad Movie Twins

Amityville 3-D Preview

“What? No,” Samantha says, confused as to why Jamie would think a scorpion would have stung her in the forests of Massachusetts. She cradles her arm and looks at him with tears in her eyes. “I’ve been trying to tell you,” she says softly. “I know,” Jamie says, even softer, “but I wasn’t listening. But I’m listening now.” They slowly walk their way into the roller rink that contains the Wall of Lovers and sit at a table. Two milkshakes later and they’re ready to talk. “Do you remember when I told you about how I used to be a track and field star in high school but then had to stop?” Jamie shakes his head. He didn’t remember that at all, but it explains her blazing fast speed. “Alright,” she continues, “but you must remember how I told you about the time that a couple of boys drag raced their way into this roller rink and then into my heart while they rebuilt the roller rink together.” It sounded familiar but he eventually shakes his head. He probably would have remembered that if he had been listening. “OK,” she presses on, visibly frustrated, “but how could you forget that after finding my true loves we decided to carve our names in the Wall of Lovers and that’s when we noticed…” she trails off, her eyes pleading with Jamie to have at least absorbed the most tragic of the many tragic stories in her unique beautiful and doomed life. Jamie’s face is blank. Slowly he opens his mouth. “Yes,” he says. Samantha gives up and comes around to his side of the table and hands him a book. It’s the third of the Holly Ween series. Holly Ween’s Possessed 3D. That’s right! We are hitting up one of the most famous horror series for the first time by catching Amityville 2: The Possession and Amityville Horror 3-D. I really don’t like the first film much. I think it’s bad and kind of crazy that it spurred a whole series of films. But apparently these are even worse. Cool. As for Bring a Friend, let’s lighten it up a bit with the “classic” T&A comedy, Joysticks. Now we’re talking. Let’s go!

Amityville 3-D (1983) – BMeTric: 58.4; Notability: 24

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.7%; Notability: top 12.1%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.9%; Higher BMeT: Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3, Superman III, Staying Alive; Higher Notability: Superman III, Curse of the Pink Panther, Krull, Deal of the Century, Doctor Detroit, Flashdance, The Sting II, D.C. Cab, Staying Alive, The Man Who Loved Women, The Lords of Discipline, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, The Keep, Two of a Kind, The Black Stallion Returns, Stroker Ace, Class, Jaws 3-D, Romantic Comedy, Nate and Hayes, and 8 more; Lower RT: Staying Alive, Nate and Hayes, The Lonely Lady, The Man Who Wasn’t There, The Survivors, Porky’s II: The Next Day, Still Smokin, Deal of the Century, The Sting II, Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3; Notes: It claims it only played twice on cable in the 90s, but that is probably because it is called Amityville: The Demon in the paper, but Amityville 3-D on IMDb. Jaws 3-D played 34 times, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 played 20 times, and Superman III played 30 times (remember drunk Superman? That was great). We are actually doing pretty well on the top 5 for 1983, we have Staying Alive slated for early 2025. Joysticks played 5 times on television which is hilarious.

New York Times – Janet Maslin – The third in a 3-D series, as in ”Jaws 3-D” or now ”Amityville 3-D,” simply isn’t a good idea. Once the first two films in a series have exhausted most opportunities for action, the third is liable to average half a dozen exposition scenes for every eventful episode. And 3-D exposition is the stuff of which headaches are made[.]

(This is probably sage advice. On the other hand, money money money money. The series was still making money.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SOBXnEY-Cc/

(Dems alotta screams in this trailer. Haha, man this trailer is all about this being a #D film, something you’d never really be able to recreate at this point. It is really too bad. I would kind of love to see it in 3D. “This picture is not a sequel to the pictures ‘Amityville Horror’ or ‘Amityville II: The Possession’” … it isn’t?)

Directors – Richard Fleischer – ( Known For: Soylent Green; 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea; Tora! Tora! Tora!; Fantastic Voyage; The Vikings; The Boston Strangler; Doctor Dolittle; Mr. Majestyk; 10 Rillington Place; The Narrow Margin; Compulsion; Barabbas; His Kind of Woman; The Jazz Singer; Mandingo; See No Evil; The New Centurions; Armored Car Robbery; Violent Saturday; The Last Run; Future BMT: Million Dollar Mystery; BMT: Conan the Destroyer; Red Sonja; Amityville 3-D; Notes: He won an Oscar for the Documentary Design for Death in 1948. He was on a role in the 80s though, this then Conan and then Red Sonja.)

Writers – David Ambrose – ( Known For: The Final Countdown; D.A.R.Y.L.; Taffin; The French Revolution; The Survivor; The Fifth Musketeer; A Dangerous Summer; Il gioco; Future BMT: Year of the Gun; BMT: Amityville 3-D; Notes: Year of the Gun is one of those weirdo bad Andrew McCarthy films. Looks nuts.)

Actors – Tony Roberts – ( Known For: Annie Hall; Serpico; Hannah and Her Sisters; The Taking of Pelham One Two Three; Radio Days; Play It Again, Sam; Stardust Memories; A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy; The Longest Week; 12 and Holding; Los Angeles Plays Itself; The Million Dollar Duck; Le sauvage; Seize the Day; Just Tell Me What You Want; Broadway: The Golden Age, by the Legends Who Were There; Key Exchange; Star Spangled Girl; Future BMT: Switch; Popcorn; 18 Again!; BMT: Amityville 3-D; Notes: Oh man, he was in the Dirty Dancing remake in 2017. He literally just died a week ago. Often worked with Woody Allen.)

Tess Harper – ( Known For: No Country for Old Men; El Camino; Frank; Silkwood; The Man in the Moon; Tender Mercies; Straight A’s; Crimes of the Heart; Burden; Sunlight Jr.; Flashpoint; Broken Bridges; Loggerheads; Kiss the Bride; Broken; Saving Sarah Cain; Daddy’s Dyin’… Who’s Got the Will?; My New Gun; Far North; The Turning; Future BMT: The Jackal; The Perfect Guy; Her Alibi; The in Crowd; Criminal Law; My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys; BMT: Ishtar; Amityville 3-D; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Crimes of the Heart. From Arkansas.)

Robert Joy – ( Known For: Don’t Look Up; Waterworld; The Hills Have Eyes; Land of the Dead; Fallen; It’s a Boy Girl Thing; Radio Days; Desperately Seeking Susan; The Dark Half; Atlantic City; Shadows and Fog; Resurrection; Harriet the Spy; Pretty Persuasion; Ragtime; Death Wish: The Face of Death; Millennium; Longtime Companion; I’ll Do Anything; That Guy… Who Was in That Thing; Future BMT: Sweet November; Superhero Movie; The Goldfinch; Joe Somebody; BMT: Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem; Amityville 3-D; Notes: Hard working. Was on CSI: NY for 165 episodes.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $6,333,135 (Worldwide: $6,333,135)

(Seems good enough. There is no way this cost more than a few million to make.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (4/22): A gimmicky Amityville retread with insufferable characters.

(Ha! Insufferable characters. I mean, they’re not wrong I suppose. Also a standard staple of third editions of classic horror franchises from the 80s.)

New York Times Description: Horror Junk (Ha!!! That’s legit it)

Poster – Amitysklog 3-J&P

(I’ve seen this poster before and it’s never not funny. Just an insane thing to put together and be like ‘nailed it.’ I mean it’s an A+++++ obviously.)

Tagline(s) – WARNING: in this movie you are the victim. (C)

(I understand what they are going for and I think there is something clever about it when you put it with that hilarious alien monster hand reaching out. But it also warps my brain a little.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (Horror): 58.3 Amityville 3-D (1983), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.4 Shocker (1989), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 32.7 The Seventh Sign (1988), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 28.3 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.5 My Demon Lover (1987), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 25.6 The Unholy (1988), 25.3 The First Power (1990), 24.2 Dark Angel (1990), 23.4 Popcorn (1991), 22.4 Nightmares (1983), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.8 The Believers (1987), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988)

(Boom, smashed it. This movie is insane and was destined to be done in this cycle. Thank you for being you Amityville 3-D.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 23) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tess Harper is No. 2 billed in Amityville 3-D and No. 6 billed in Ishtar, which also stars Warren Beatty (No. 1 billed) who is in Town & Country (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 10 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (10 + 3) = 23. If we were to watch Criminal Law, and Paranoia we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – Not counting Amityville: The Awakening (2017), which is a completely original story, this is the only theatrically released Amityville film not to be based on a book but instead on the real life accounts of investigator Stephen Kaplan.

The frost that blows out of the basement onto Candy Clark was actually warm wax. She later admitted that she had to wash her hair with detergent to get it all out.

Like the previous installment, Amityville 3-D filmed the exterior scenes at the same house in Toms River, New Jersey and a house nearby for the exterior of Nancy’s house. The interior was a set in a Mexico studio: Estudios Churubusco. The filmmakers almost never got the house to film at again. It was scheduled to be picked up and moved over one lot. They were only able to film the exterior shots before the house was moved. Originally the house had four quarter shaped moon windows, two on both sides. However, by the time of filming in 3D, the owners of the house did not want the eye windows on the side of the house facing the road so they modified them to look like small ordinary square windows. All shots of the “eye” windows (except for the most noticeable scene when John and Susan pull up to the house) had to be filmed on the side facing the river that has the sundeck.

Also known as Amityville III: The Demon.

The character of John Baxter is loosely based on Stephen Kaplan and his investigation of the house, who at the time was trying to prove the Lutzes’ story was a hoax.

Amityville II: The Possession Preview

Amityville II: The Possession (1982) – BMeTric: 36.6; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.4%; Notability: top 6.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.7%; Higher BMeT: Grease 2, Piranha II: The Spawning, Trail of the Pink Panther, Megaforce, Zapped!, Friday the 13th: Part 3, Losin’ It, Parasite; Higher Notability: Young Doctors in Love, Trail of the Pink Panther, Movie Madness, Grease 2, Wrong Is Right, Monsignor, Yes, Giorgio, Lookin’ to Get Out, Death Wish II, Fighting Back, The Toy, Megaforce, The Beast Within, Zapped!, Partners; Lower RT: Class Reunion, Partners, Movie Madness, Monsignor, The Toy, Piranha II: The Spawning, Megaforce, Zapped!, Friday the 13th: Part 3, Parasite, The Beast Within, Losin’ It, Vigilante, Fighting Back, Trail of the Pink Panther, Summer Lovers, Five Days One Summer; Notes: Only played 10 times on cable in the 90s which is a little surprising, it seems like the perfect item of IP to pedal to random channels late night. Grease 2 played over 40 times, but amazingly Piranha II seems to have only played once, on June 5th, 1993 at 3AM on channel 5 … that seems impossible. Young Doctors in Love … what the hell is that lol? We’ve only seen two of the films with a higher BMeT, mainly because it is hard to tell what is and isn’t qualifying from 1982.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – This movie is actually slightly better than “The Amityville Horror,” maybe because it rips off superior source material. It starts with the most notorious piece of real estate in North America. Then it lifts ingredients from “The Exorcist,” “Poltergeist,” and ‘Murder in Amityville,’ which was the book about the original Amityville horror.

(Hmmmm, intriguing. See this is why having real critics is nice. Who could have watched this along with like four other movies in an afternoon and then reeled this off off-the-cuff.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-1wwxK2wIs/

(The trailer explains the first film. Yes, before them another family … the DeFeo family. I do love how they had to change the name despite it being the original name in the first film. I guess you can’t just use actual names in ridiculous fictional accounts. This trailer really doesn’t do justice to how insane this film is.)

Directors – Damiano Damiani – ( Known For: A Genius, Two Partners and a Dupe; A Bullet for the General; Mafia; Confessions of a Police Captain; The Most Beautiful Wife; The Empty Canvas; Alex l’ariete; The Case Is Closed, Forget It; I Am Afraid; How to Kill a Judge; The Witch; Un uomo in ginocchio; The Sicilian Connection; The Inquiry; Goodbye & Amen; Lipstick; Girolimoni, the Monster of Rome; Arturo’s Island; Una ragazza piuttosto complicata; The Warning; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Italian obviously … it is unclear whether this is his only American film.)

Writers – Tommy Lee Wallace – ( Known For: Fright Night Part 2; Vampires: Los Muertos; Far from Home; BMT: Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: He genuinely seems to be known for writing many sequels to classic horror films. I’ve heard good things about Fright Night Part 2.)

Hans Holzer – ( BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: He wrote the book. For some reason he only got credit on this one and then two terrible sequels.)

Dardano Sacchetti – ( Known For: Demons; The Beyond; City of the Living Dead; The House by the Cemetery; The Cat o’ Nine Tails; A Bay of Blood; The New York Ripper; Demons 2; The Psychic; Shock; Cannibals in the Streets; 1990: The Bronx Warriors; A Blade in the Dark; Devil Fish; Aladdin; Manhattan Baby; Cut and Run; Body Count; I guerrieri dell’anno 2072; The Tough Ones; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: I guess I assume he worked with the director at some point? Or maybe he was just an Italian guy who did American Horror films and so the director hired him.)

Actors – James Olson – ( Known For: Commando; The Andromeda Strain; Ragtime; Rachel, Rachel; The Stalking Moon; Wild Rovers; Moon Zero Two; The Strange One; The Groundstar Conspiracy; Crescendo; The Mafu Cage; The Sharkfighters; The Three Sisters; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Oh, I should watch The Andromeda Strain, the book was quite good. Mostly he doesn’t have any qualifying films because he really didn’t work much in the 80s.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Rob the Mob; Sly; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Burt Young baby! He looked ancient for like 20 years prior to passing away in 2023. Also, I’m not sure anyone acted drunk better than him … also he might have been drunk.)

Rutanya Alda – ( Known For: The Deer Hunter; Rocky II; The Long Goodbye; The Ref; Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid; The Panic in Needle Park; The Dark Half; Scarecrow; The Stuff; Mommie Dearest; The Fury; Hello, Dolly!; When a Stranger Calls; Black Widow; The Last Tycoon; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Christmas Evil; Night of the Wolf; Last Exit to Brooklyn; Prancer; Future BMT: The Glass House; The War with Grandpa; Gross Anatomy; BMT: Steel; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Still alive I think. She was born in 1942 in the Soviet Union.)

Budget/Gross – $5 million / Domestic: $12,534,817 (Worldwide: $12,534,817)

(Again, not bad. You really can’t go wrong with horror films. They can be made for a few million, and you make like $15 million and mint some money. Easy.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (6/22)

(Ha, well the consensus appears to be: this is a rip-off of The Exorcist, and also is gross for exploiting an actual tragedy. Go figure.)

New York Times Description: More occult hooey.

Poster – The Amityville Sklog II: The Skloggening

(The house has always been cool. Looking like the Halloween pumpkin and all that. This poster sucks though. I’ll give it a slight bump far higher than it deserves only because of those cool little devil esses in the title. C-.)

Tagline(s) – The night of February 5, 1976, George and Kathleen Lutz fled their home in Amityville, New York. They got out alive! Their living nightmare shocked audiences around the world in “The Amityville Horror”. But before them, another family lived in this house and were caught by the original evil. They weren’t so lucky… this is their story! (F)

(Nope. Let me know when you finish reading it so I can reiterate: No way.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Horror): 58.3 Amityville 3-D (1983), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.4 Shocker (1989), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 32.7 The Seventh Sign (1988), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 28.3 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.5 My Demon Lover (1987), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 25.6 The Unholy (1988), 25.3 The First Power (1990), 24.2 Dark Angel (1990), 23.4 Popcorn (1991), 22.4 Nightmares (1983), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.8 The Believers (1987), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988)

(This film is actually a little outside the window, it is being done as a bonus. As you can see though, Amityville 3-D was just so good we couldn’t pass it up.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Burt Young is No. 2 billed in Amityville II: The Possession and No. 3 billed in Rocky V, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Rocky IV, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – In a 2018 interview, Diane Franklin talked about her infamous incestuous sex scene. She said while she definitely understood the peculiarity of it, she didn’t have a huge issue with doing it. “I never had a brother, so luckily, I didn’t have that association or the weirdness that went along with it.” Franklin did admit filming the scene did end up being very awkward, but not because of the content. It was the producers who made her nervous. Shot in Mexico with no parents or chaperones at her side, the script called for the actress to appear topless, which she agreed to because she had no issue taking off her top in front of cast and crew. She’d already done it in The Last American Virgin (1982). But when producers tried to persuade her to go fully nude, she balked and successfully stood her ground. “They said I was beautiful and they really wanted me to do it. I said thank you very much but no.” Franklin laughed. “They got around it by shooting me from the back, which I had no say in. And that was that.”

Jan and Mark Montelli were portrayed by real life brother and sister Erika Katz and Brent Katz.

According to an interview with George Lutz at website Horror.com, (Lutz’ twenty-eight days in the real-life house provided the base for The Amityville Horror (1979)), Lutz wanted this sequel to be based on John G. Jones’ book “The Amityville Horror Part II”, the sequel novel which recounts the aftermath of the Lutz family escaping the house, but still experiencing paranormal events. However, producer Dino De Laurentiis, in conjunction with American International Pictures, made this sequel based on Hans Holzer’s book “Murder in Amityville”, which is a prequel that recounts the events that led to the DeFeo family deaths instead. Lutz sued De Laurentiis. He was unsuccessful but did manage to force them to out a disclaimer on the posters that read “This film has no affiliation with George and Kathy Lutz.”

Debut theatrical feature film of actor Jack Magner whose only other screen acting credit after this movie was in Stephen King’s Firestarter (1984).

The house in the film, as in the original The Amityville Horror (1979) movie, is not the actual house as depicted in the best-selling novel, as that dwelling was unavailable to shoot in for both films. The home in both movies was a Colonial style replica situated in Toms River, New Jersey.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Rutanya Alda)

Sleepwalkers Recap

Jamie

Usually I like to pretend I’m writing this before I’ve actually seen the movie. But this story is too good. So my mom was at my house helping out for a bit and as happens evening rolls around and I’m like “wanna watch a movie?” She’s like sure, but then says that she doesn’t care what we watch. That’s she’ll “watch anything.” I put that in quotes because it’s important. I ask “are you sure? Because I have this real weird movie I need to watch for BMT.” She assures me that yes… she’ll “watch anything.” Flash forward to the next night as we finish up Sleepwalkers and she’s like out of her mind about how horrible the film is. Talking about how she didn’t even want to finish it but she also couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible it was so she felt she had to finish it to see if it continued to be as terrible as it was. And in the end it perhaps got even more horrible. So that’s where we were with Sleepwalkers. The movie that made my mom realize that she would in fact not “watch anything.”

To recap, Mary and Charles are mother and son shapeshifting werecats that feed on the energy force of virgins. They arrive in a small Indiana town looking to feed. They are, of course, incestuous and hope and pray to find others of their kind in order to procreate. Meanwhile, the incest (obviously). Attending a local high school, Charles scopes out Tanya with the end goal of feeding his mother. A few people, like his teacher, are suspicious of Charles, but when he confronts him Charles nonchalantly murders him. Meanwhile cats (the only thing that can kill or harm the sleepwalkers) begin to gather as Charles and his mother weaken. Charles attempts to subdue Tanya, but she is able to ward him off. The police arrive and while Charles is able to dispatch them a cat severely injures him. Stumbling back home, Mary is like “Oh no! But the incest!” Knowing that Tanya is the only thing that can help him, Mary storms Tanya’s home and kills her family (one of them by fatal corn cob stabbing… it’s dope). Mary brings Tanya back to Charles but before he can feed she kills him in his weakened state. The police attempt to help to no avail, but at Mary’s power dims she is attacked by numerous cats and the sleepwalkers are no more. THE END.

No matter what my mom claims, this movie is actually kind of fun and good. If not for the (arguably) unnecessary incest subplot and the unpleasant and brutal attack by Charles on Tanya in the cemetery, I think this film might have a better reputation as a cult film. I hate to leap to conclusions or make bold proclamations about objectively bad movies, but it does appear to me that Stephen King knew exactly what he was doing and making when he wrote this film. He wanted to make an old school exploitation horror film with some interesting special effects. He wanted to make a bad movie and he succeeded. This is a fun bad movie. It’s a hard needle to thread, but I actually think he was able to do it. By the time the corn cob stabbing happened I was all in on the film. One of the best of the year I daresay.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m going to say it. I don’t think they needed to do the incest. They clearly weren’t replenishing the earth with werecats no matter how hard they tried. So I think they could have probably cut it out and just, you know, maybe took a regular beau every once in a while and just… maybe… I don’t know, tried it out for a hot second. Maybe regular old sex would have felt fine. Maybe you didn’t need to do the incest. Hot Take Temperature: Steamy regular old sex.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of my mother talk about how much she hates this film and how gross it was and how she can’t believe we were watching it* Let’s go!

I’ve mentioned on multiple occasions that I don’t like horror films very much because I get so spooky scared. That doesn’t really have anything to do with this movie (I never thought this would be spooky scary, just silly). It has more to do with Stephen King and how I never really read his books because I thought they would be spooky scary. But turns out … books aren’t spooky scary. So I’ve read a bunch of Stephen King as an adult. I like his stuff. So getting around to Sleepwalkers is always enticing.

The good? Uh, I like practical effects. That’s nice. I like how silly it is as well. It is very very heightened and silly at times. The end bit is so crazy it finally gets around to being as wild and crazy as the premise suggests. I also like the idea of energy vampires in a way. They are something I’ve heard of, but they are done so rarely it is interesting to see them in the wild.

The bad? Well, the film looks like absolute garbage. For real, as good as practical effects are, when they are bad they are really really bad and this one is bad. The premise is so silly it feels like a comedy, but it isn’t funny. And then the film just turns on a dime. All of a sudden the main character is committing sexual assault in a graveyard and Stephen King cameos and the the movie kind of explodes.

The main issue is the film seems to be barely there for most of its runtime. It isn’t necessarily dull, but it is also a bit too weird and self-aware to be amusing for most of it. The end it fun, but even then, the corn cob murder seems more like it belongs in a horror comedy rather than what seems like a genuine horror film.

Regardless, the level of antipathy this film has towards this film will always make me smile.

Oh, also this film makes you wonder “how wasn’t Mädchen Amick the most famous 90s actress?” She was solid in Twin Peaks, and is fine in this, but her career never really took off. Kind of odd.

Anyways, a real deal Setting as a Character (Where?) for the small town of Travis, Indiana, a fun Indiana film at least. That’s it. I think this film is Bad, mainly for being poorly made and dull more than fun, which I think is about what I would have expected.

Learn about … cats? Maybe, about cats. In the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Sleepwalkers Quiz

Oh wow, I guess I’ll learn about monsters. And cats. Although, surprisingly, probably not about cat monsters. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The soundtrack features Boadicea by Enya. Enya had a single number one single in the UK, Orinoco Flow. The Orinoco River in South America discharges near what nation of the Lesser Antilles?

2) In the movie the villains are, implicitly at least, energy vampires. Energy vampires feed on the lifeforce of others. Elsewhere is popular culture, the character of Colin Robinson is also an energy vampire in what television show?

3) The beginning of the film takes place in Bodega Bay, California. A famous thriller from 1963 also took place in Bodega Bay (although it starts at a pet store in San Francisco). Which film?

4) Somehow the character of Tanya has her own wikipedia page (the character!). In it she is described as a classic Damsel in Distress. We’ve seen one of the original DiDs in the classic BMT film Clash of the Titans. She was to be sacrificed to the Kraken to appease the Gods … what was her name?

5) You know, there was apparently a sequel in development at one point written by King’s wife. It involved a women’s basketball team somehow. Can you know both the first (1982) and most recent (2024) NCAA Division 1 Women’s Basketball champions?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Is this a tough one? Maybe, but I bet Jamie could get it.

What is the film?

Answers

Sleepwalkers Preview

Patrick and Kyle sit in the back of the kitchen watching Jamie and Samantha enjoy their PB&J sandwiches (aka The Assassins) while staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. “Boy, young love sure is amazing,” Patrick says. “Yeah,” Kyle agrees, “almost as amazing as the fact that I’ve never seen Cobra starring Sylvester Stallone.” The color drains from Patrick’s face and he recoils in disgust at this unexpected segue. He tries to remember back to when they first hired Kyle onto Bad Movie Twins and whether they went through their typical rigorous background check. Apparently not as determining Sly Stallone street cred was one of the primary ways in which they would separate the wheat from the chaff in the hiring process. “That’s OK,” Patrick croaks, but things weren’t OK at all. How was he going to get rid of Kyle? Before he could craft a plan to remove Kyle from the equation he notices Kyle is trying to get his attention. “What is it?” he snaps. “I just was saying, isn’t it funny that I mentioned Cobra and it happened to be playing at the theater across the street?” Indeed, when Patrick looks out the window of the kitchen he sees those beautiful words: “Cobra special 12:30pm showing”. Thank god! Patrick looks over at Jamie and is relieved to see that after finishing the PB&J sandwiches he and Samantha have started smooching pretty hard. That should progress into a full on make out session and that should give them the necessary 87 minutes to take in Cobra in all its glory. “Grab your shit,” Patrick says rudely and drags him across the street. Exactly 87 minutes later they stumble back into the sunlight. They are both stunned into silence, the glazed look of sleepwalkers on their face. That’s right! We are watching the Stephen King penned film Sleepwalkers which is about incestuous werecats shapeshifters. Totally normal film for a couple of totally normal guys like us. Let’s go!

Sleepwalkers (1992) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.9%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Mighty Ducks, Innocent Blood, The Distinguished Gentleman, Radio Flyer, This Is My Life, Kuffs, Man Trouble, Encino Man, Mom and Dad Save the World, and 1 more; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Mo’ Money, and 22 more; Notes: We really are hitting some top BMeT and Notability films. This having a Notability of 40+ in particular is wild. This played an amazing 54 times on television. Was this a rewatchable film? Unclear. Premiered Cinemax primetime on May 12, 1993, a Wednesday, which indeed was the “premiere” slot for Cinemax 8 P.M. in 1992. As for the rest of the high BMeT, just those two horror sequels left, Pet Sematary II and Children of the Corn II.

Variety – Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers is an idiotic horror potboiler. New approach to the vampire legend is really a variation on TriStar’s 1988 flop The Kiss. Brian Krause and mom Alice Krige are incestuous monsters called Sleepwalkers who survive by draining the life force from virgin girls. – Staff

(Wait wait wait … what’s The Kiss now? Do I need to watch The Kiss?! Do I have homework?! Anyways, I do like the sound of “idiotic”, give me that all day.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge6_zTJPhUc/

(That is glorious in an 80s kind of way. A very 80s cast. A Stephen King cameo in the trailer seems like something special. I wonder how many trailers he’s been in.)

Directors – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Riding the Bullet; Nightmare Cinema; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Critters 2: The Main Course; Notes: What a wild career. Was hired as the secretary for the Star Wars Company when it started, then he hosted some Z-Channel interview show, then he did Making Of shorts for a bunch of films, and then he started doing Stephen King stuff. He directed The Shining mini-series that King thought was better than the Kubrick one.)

Writers – Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; Stand by Me; The Mist; It Chapter Two; 1408; Misery; Doctor Sleep; Secret Window; Carrie; The Running Man; Carrie; Gerald’s Game; Pet Sematary; Pet Sematary; Christine; The Dead Zone; 1922; Future BMT: Children of the Corn; Thinner; Creepshow 2; Needful Things; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: The Dark Tower; Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Firestarter; Maximum Overdrive; Sleepwalkers; Firestarter; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Notes: Oh wow he straight up wrote this. That’s … nuts. One sec. Yeah, so this is the first film written by King to not be based on one of his preexisting works. Also there is only one other film where he was the sole writer, Maximum Overdrive being the other.)

Actors – Brian Krause – ( Known For: Growth; Hollywood.Con; Plan 9; Naked Souls; Red Sky; Poseidon Rex; Toolbox Murders 2; Cyrus; Triloquist; Alien Rising; Protecting the King; Absolute Killers; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Return to the Blue Lagoon; Notes: Still acting, although, honestly in what appears to be a whole lotta schlock. He was in 145 episodes of Charmed.)

Mädchen Amick – ( Known For: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me; Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces; Dream Lover; The Boyfriend School; The Borrower; Scenes of the Crime; Bombshell; French Exit; Future BMT: Trapped in Paradise; BMT: Priest; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Still acts, most notably in 117 episodes of Riverdale. I recognized her from Twin Peaks.)

Alice Krige – ( Known For: Thor: The Dark World; Reign of Fire; Star Trek: First Contact; Solomon Kane; Chariots of Fire; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Gretel & Hansel; The Contract; Lonely Hearts; Barfly; A Christmas Prince; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding; The Little Vampire; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby; Skin; Will; She Will; The Bay of Silence; The Betrayed; The Calling; Future BMT: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Ghost Story; King David; BMT: Silent Hill; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Ah ha! It’s the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact. That’s incredible. She does have a look. She did the voice in the Picard show as well.)

Budget/Gross – $15 million / Domestic: $30,524,763 (Worldwide: $30,524,763)

(This actually is an interesting about of money. King always seemed like a difficult person to make a movie with so I doubt a sequel of any kind would have been in the cards … is a little weird he never got the shot to write another original though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(The consensus is funny really, it is basically: Same old stuff, feels like King just cashed that check … he probably did. It’ll be over 40% soon I think, every recent review is good.)

Reviewer Highlight: As it sleepwalks towards its ungrand finale, the new King invention falls back on familiar things. – Malcolm Johnson, Hartford Courant

Poster – Sklogwalkers

(This is fun. Like the cover of an old school paperback. I love it. Maybe just a tad more of the dusk sky would have made it pop a little more. Still, it’s great. A.)

Tagline(s) – They feast on your fear – and it’s dinner time. (C-)

(Wait… what? They eat your fear? I don’t think that’s true. I think they eat you… like physically consume you. So this tagline is lying to you. Do not believe it.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Armageddon (1998), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), …

Best Options (Horror): 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 50.8 Sleepwalkers (1992), 48.7 Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995), 46.9 Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 Diabolique (1996), 43.4 Village of the Damned (1995), 42.1 Ghost in the Machine (1993), 41.7 Disturbing Behavior (1998), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 38.7 Dr. Giggles (1992), 38.6 Hideaway (1995), 38.1 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Thinner (1996), 36.4 The Relic (1997), 35.3 Warlock: The Armageddon (1993), 35.1 Man’s Best Friend (1993), 32.6 Mary Reilly (1996), 31.4 My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), 28.4 Deep Rising (1998), 27.7 Bad Moon (1996), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.5 The Puppet Masters (1994), 26.0 Brainscan (1994), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 23.2 Popcorn (1991), 21.9 Screamers (1995)

(Those are some solid options, and … Jesus, so many of them are King horror films. This one is fun though because it just looks wild.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ron Perlman is No. 6 billed in Sleepwalkers and No. 2 billed in Season of the Witch, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch King David, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Lyman Ward and Cindy Pickett, who played Tanya’s parents, were also married in real life at the time of filming. (They had met when they appeared in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), where they also played a married couple).

Both Mick Garris and Mädchen Amick are allergic to cats, as revealed in the recent Scream Factory Blu-ray release. Amick didn’t reveal this to anyone until right as the film went into production.

According to director Mick Garris, Stephen King’s wife Tabitha King wrote a treatment for a sequel that would have involved a women’s basketball team.

During a Q&A celebrating the film’s 25th anniversary, director Mick Garris revealed the Enya song “Boadicea” was chosen for the film only because, of all the songs provided to him by Sony Music at the time for cross-promotion, it was the one song he felt fit the tone of the film.

Mick Garris cast Alice Krige as Mary Brady after remembering her appearance in Ghost Story (1981), which he had publicized when he worked as a publicist for Universal Pictures.

Cursed Recap

Jamie

It is weird that I have all this nostalgia for films of the late 90’s and early 2000’s and yet something like Cursed gets nothing. That nostalgia is rooted in the fact that we were watching EVERYTHING from that era. We would often pick up three movies from the video store every day. Every. Single. Day. Animated films, foreign films, Daredevil starring Ben Affleck. We were watching EVERYTHING. But not Cursed. Sure we weren’t the biggest Horror Heads in the world, but we were mostly not too discerning either. Like I remember renting Darkness Falls. We looked at Darkness Falls and thought, ‘sure, why not?’ But I guess we just thought Cursed wasn’t interesting enough… unlike Daredevil starring Ben Affleck.

To recap, Ellie is a segment producer on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn (for real) taking care of her brother Jimmy while he finishes high school. One night after dropping in on her boyfriend Jake’s new Club Haunted House (which is so dope that it’s hard to describe), they collide with a large animal and another car. When they go to try to help the other driver they are all attacked by the animal. They are able to escape but find that they have been bitten and begin to show monstrous characteristics. Jimmy is immediately like “we are werewolves,” but Ellie is less sure. Jimmy uses his werewolf powers to get one over on the bullies at his school, while Ellie has a bunch of weird things happen while trying to prep for a Scott Baio interview (for real). The next night their family dog is infected and goes on a rampage. Jimmy goes to tell Ellie at the grand opening of Club Haunted House and they all deduce that Jake is also a werewolf. He insists that he didn’t infect them, which is true. It was actually Ellie’s coworker Joanie, who was infected by Jake a while back. They battle Joanie and ultimately kill her. They think they are cured but find that they actually need to kill Jake for that to happen. Jake instead wants to kill Jimmy and live out their days as werewolves, but Ellie and Jimmy refuse and team up to kill him. THE END.

Oh no! I’ve been Wes Craven pilled I think. First it was New Nightmare where I started it and was like WTF, mate? But by the end I thought it was really rather funny and clever. Then I start up Cursed and it seems so predictable and the effects so bad and how they become werewolves is so weird and Joshua Jackson owns a club that is legitimately just the club Haunted House from I Think You Should Leave. I was like “what the hell is going on with this weird werewolf movie.” But by the end, you know what? He kinda got me again. I think it was the moment where the ‘bad guy’ comes out of the closet because of Jesse Eisenberg’s irresistible werewolf charm and then he turns out to be really cool and they are friends in the end. Or maybe it’s Craven’s ability to go meta with people like Scott Baio. Or maybe I just really want to go to Club Haunted House (maybe even more than Club Aqua). It’s like “wait, is this movie good?” It’s not, but it’s not all bad either.

Hot Take Clam Bake! While I want to go to Club Haunted House very badly, I have to break it to Jake… it ain’t happening. You’re probably like ‘Well, duh. A bunch of people got eaten by a werewolf at the Grand Opening.’ No. If anything that helps. You want street cred for Club Haunted House? How about a real werewolf shows up. I just mean that this is clearly the horror version of Planet Hollywood. Kinda like how the Dark Universe was the horror version of the Marvel Universe… and we know how that goes. So I guess I’ll phrase it like this: Club Haunted House will succeed the day that they announce The Mummy 2 with Tom Cruise. A boy can dream. Hot Take Temperature: spooky rattling chains.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Cursed. That’s what I think we might be now that we’ve melted our brains with 750 bad movies over the last 12 years. Let’s go!

Top Line: I don’t remember this film coming out. The cast is truly insane, so I don’t really know how it stayed off my radar though. And man, once we penciled it in I got rather excited. Frankenstein, zombies, mummies, vampires, werewolves. There is something very fun with collecting this films over the years. They go all the way back to the origin of cinema, so to see legitimately over 100 years of these classic movie monster and how they come to life in the 2000s is incredible.

Oh no not like that!

For real, the werewolf in this film ranges from the absurd (the beginning show is maybe one of the worst werewolf puppet work I’ve ever seen) to insane (some of the shots nearer to the end of the full body costume / CGI is crazy).

Speaking of, some of the worst CGI I’ve ever seen as well. The dog? THE DOG?!

And let’s just not really get started on the self-hating gay bully. I don’t like that one bit obviously.

I will say the film is crazy front to back, but I do wish once they realized how crazy it actually was that they had pulled the trigger on a twist that must have been discussed. Oh first I need to set something up: In the film Ricci works for the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. As part of this gig she has to do a pre-interview with (of all people) Scott Baio. He shows up later in the film. And near the end they are really pulling out all the stops to suggest any number of people could be the original werewolf. Could it be Joshua Jackson, or Judy Greer? But I really wish they had pulled the trigger on it being Scott Baio. I just love the idea of him playing himself and then in the end they kill Scott Baio and are like … wow that’s wild. Scott Baio was a werewolf.

Bottom Line: There are some funny ideas in the film. Like I do think the Eisenberg headfake is real. He becomes a werewolf, and typically I think he’s all like “The power … it feels good” and kind of becomes evil. But he doesn’t, he’s cooler like Teen Wolf, but he is still earnestly good the entire time. I likes that. Ricci and him were probably the only acting bright sports, although Judy Greer was clearly having a lot of fun.

I’m doing it, Product Placement (What?) for the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. This is a very very Setting as a Character (Where?) LA film, I’m not sure there has ever been a more LA film. There is never really a why to werewolf films right, it is just like a curse. Lame Twist (How?) alert for Joshua Jackson being the original werewolf. The most boring choice, should have been Scott Baio. I think this film is BMT, it is pretty entertaining, a little irreverent, and ultimately pretty fun, even if the CGI sucks.

Read all about the Cursed Dark Universe in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Cursed Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was driving hope, where I got into a tiny accident where I rolled over sixteen times into a ravine. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was I was then attacked by a werewolf and now I’m losing time every night! And one of those nights I know I watched Cursed. Do you remember what happened in Cursed?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Oh shit. Tinsel looks dope. I almost want to go to Tinsel more than I want to go to Club Aqua. What is the theme of Tinsel?

2) And Ellie (Christina Ricci) has a dope job. Where does she work?

3) Welp, everyone is a werewolf. Not they have to find the werewolf that werewolfed them in the first place. But first, can you tell me how many werewolves are featured in the film?

4) They think they know who werewolfed them, but first Ricci has to do a pre-interview for a celebrity for her job. Who is that celebrity?

5) So who actually werewolfed them?

Bonus Question: Hmmmm an unlisted number on the cell. Who is it?

Answers

Cursed Preview

Spending their days rebuilding Pierre’s premier perfume shop didn’t sound so bad to Patrick, Jamie and Kyle. It wasn’t until they had already scoped out a farmhouse to rent in a nearby winery that they were informed that they weren’t rebuilding the Perfume shop at all. “Where do you think I got all that wild hog musk?” Pierre says, pointing them to his premier hog farm that stood just down the block. “This is probably not going to help my scent,” Jamie says. “Unless…” he continues, but Patrick stops him. No, there was no “unless…” to that statement. A week later, as they muck out pen #3, Pierre enters the farm and slaps Jamie on the back. “You guys are doing a great job. I just can’t believe the latest standings!” He slaps his hand at the newsletter he’s holding. “What’s that?” Patrick asks, curious now at what ‘standings’ Pierre could be talking about. “The hog standings, of course,” Pierre says incredulously. “We’re all the way up to #2! I’ve never been able to get even up to #5 when it was just me mucking out all these pens and extracting the gallons of wild hog musk.” Now the competitive juices are flowing. Jamie, Patrick and Kyle start to chatter about getting all the way up to #1 in the standings. “No, no, no,” Pierre says, looking worried. “We don’t want to get up to #1. Being second is a perfect place to be, so let’s just stay right there.” Second place?! Jamie and Patrick stare at him in disbelief. Did Pierre really think they were second place kind of hog farmers? “No, I don’t think you are second place kind of hog farmers,” he reassures them, “it’s just that first place in the hog standings is… cursed.” *Gasp* That’s right! We are watching Cursed by Wes Craven. This is his take on the werewolf genre and unfortunately I don’t think Taylor Lautner was able to participate. Let’s go!

Cursed (2005) – BMeTric: 62.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, The Mistress of Spices, Are We There Yet?, and 13 more; Notes: We are even on the higher BMeT films (seen 9 and haven’t seen 9), but at least one is coming up. Kingdom of Heaven is an exciting possibility. I should say … the Notability on this is off the chain. I don’t get it. It is nuts.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Contemporary werewolf-on-the-loose story is a rare miss in the thrills department from the SCREAM team of Craven and writer Kevin Williamson. Film starts out amusing but soon becomes ludicrous as the nubile young victims must fight back to become human again. Already dated picture is set at the now-defunct Craig Kilborn talk show, where Ricci is a producer spending what seems like days prepping an interview with Scott Baio. It’s that kind of movie, folks.

(Hahahahha, it is true though. Kilborn shows up and embarasses himself, and the Baio shit was also hilarious. The only thing I wish was Baio was either torn to shreds by the werewolf, or randomly was the werewolf in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e56-jMfL9I/

(I can tell you that early scene where the wolf grabs the woman out of the car looks about as good in the actual film … which is to say like garbage. This film looks perfectly 2005 and that ain’t a compliment. The CGI dog is awful.)

Directors – Wes Craven – ( Known For: Scream; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Red Eye; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; The Serpent and the Rainbow; Swamp Thing; Music of the Heart; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: Cursed; Vampire in Brooklyn; Deadly Friend; Notes: Died in 2015, but still racking up those credits. His performance in New Nightmare is b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers.)

Writers – Kevin Williamson – ( Known For: Scream; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Scream; The Faculty; Scream VI; Sick; Future BMT: Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Cursed; Notes: Kind of legendary as far as horror writers. The Faculty? How didn’t that qualify? It is hilarious.)

Actors – Christina Ricci – ( Known For: Sleepy Hollow; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Matrix Resurrections; The Addams Family; Monster; Casper; Addams Family Values; Small Soldiers; Speed Racer; Black Snake Moan; Penelope; Buffalo ’66; The Ice Storm; New York, I Love You; After.Life; Mermaids; Anything Else; The Hard Way; The Opposite of Sex; Bel Ami; Future BMT: The Smurfs 2; 200 Cigarettes; That Darn Cat; BMT: Cursed; Now and Then; Bless the Child; Alpha and Omega; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Yellowjackets and Grey’s Anatomy. A true blue child star from my childhood. The Addams Family and Caspar in particular.)

Jesse Eisenberg – ( Known For: The Social Network; Now You See Me; Zombieland; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Village; Rio; Zombieland: Double Tap; Adventureland; 30 Minutes or Less; Rio 2; American Ultra; To Rome with Love; The Squid and the Whale; Café Society; Vivarium; The Double; The Art of Self-Defense; The End of the Tour; The Hunting Party; Roger Dodger; Future BMT: Now You See Me 2; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Cursed; Notes: Remember Roger Dodger? What a weird film. Nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, and his directorial effort in A Real Pain is getting tons of buzz.)

Portia de Rossi – ( Known For: Scream 2; Sirens; Dead & Breakfast; Who Is Cletis Tout?; Tab Hunter Confidential; Girl; I Witness; Unity; All the Way; Now Add Honey; Future BMT: Stigmata; BMT: Cursed; Notes: Known for Arrested Development and for being married to Ellen. Also she’s like … barely in this film, so wild she’s the third person listed on IMDb.)

Budget/Gross – $38,000,000 / Domestic: $19,297,522 (Worldwide: $29,621,722)

(That’s not great. Seems like a catastrophic production probably pushed the budget too high, and on a more normal horror budget maybe this works out okay.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (15/98): A predictable plot and cheesy special effects make Cursed a less-than-scary experience.

(Cheesy special effect?! Well … fine, yeah, the first bit with the werewolf is real dumb looking and there are some real crazy effects in the big fight scene in the middle, and the dog looks bad … fine yeah, the special effects suck.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not bad enough to make you curse, but you are likely to laugh when you should scream, and to roll your eyes when you are meant to laugh. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Fred Durst’s Cursed

(I think this is fine. Nicely stylized with a twist on the font. I don’t know why, but it comes off a little boring to me even when it’s doing a lot of the things I like. B+.)

Tagline(s) – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (F)

(Wow. No. That is simply a common phrase and is completely unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 69.0 Black Christmas (2006), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 63.9 Valentine (2001), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 62.1 Stay Alive (2006), 61.5 When a Stranger Calls (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.4 The Return (2005), 57.9 They (2002), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.2 Lost Souls (2000), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 53.9 The Order (2003), 50.9 Turistas (2006), …

(Pretty pretty pretty good. I really don’t want to watch BloodRayne, although I know it will happen. Ha! Skinwalkers. Another werewolf film was right there too.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jesse Eisenberg is No. 2 billed in Cursed and No. 3 billed in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – In 2014, Judy Greer spoke of the film in an interview. Greer states, “I don’t know why that movie got so fucked up. I don’t understand it. I thought the script was fine. Honest to God, I didn’t get the big deal. I don’t know who kept making them fuck with it”. She goes on to say, “Then we shot the movie for, like, seven years. I think they said we had four movies worth of footage. It was so fun, but so weird. I don’t get it. I couldn’t figure it out.”

When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster, James Brolin and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.

In the original version, the film opened with the benefit party by PETA on the hotel roof. Parts of the scene were kept from the original shooting but in the final cut, that scene is at about 50 minutes from the beginning. Mya replaced Mandy Moore in this scene.

In 2008, Wes Craven was quoted saying; “… the Cursed experience was so screwed up. I mean, that went on for two-and-a-half years of my life for a film that wasn’t anything close to what it should have been. And another film that I was about to shoot having the plug pulled – Pulse – so it was like, I did learn from the Cursed experience not to do something for money. They said, ‘We know you want to do another film, we’ll pay you double.’ And we were 10 days from shooting, and I said fine. But I ended up working two-and-a-half years for double my fee, but I could have done two-and-a-half movies, and done movies that were out there making money. In general, I think it’s not worth it and part of the reason my phone hasn’t rung is that that story is pretty well known.

The original plot line had three strangers brought together by a car accident in the Hollywood Hills and the subsequent attack of a werewolf. The three characters were named Ellie Hudson (Christina Ricci), Vince Winston (Skeet Ulrich) and Jimmy Myers (Jesse Eisenberg). When the script was re-written, the plot changed and focused on two estranged siblings who had to fight a curse after a werewolf attack. Skeet Ulrich’s character was totally re-written and renamed Jake. Since Ellie and Jimmy became brother and sister, Ellie’s surname was deleted and became Myers.

Prom Night (2008) Recap

Jamie

I have long contended that any movie is improved by setting it in high school or college. Take a concept (Fatal Attraction for example). Now set it in high school… wait a second! I now have Swimfan! It’s amazing. See? Let’s try another. Uh… Jurassic Park… OK. Dinosaurs loose on a college campus? Sign me up. Should I try one more? The Killing Fields… Alright, well that… yeah, nevermind. So it almost always works. In fact this could be another character of mine, similar to Franchise Man. The School Fool. A fool for all things school. Anyway, this explains why when it became clear that Prom Night was a possibility for the 2008 entry in the cycle I was unreasonably excited. It also helps that horror films are the original “improved by setting it in high school or college” standard. So screw you, Disaster Movie and Extreme Movie… 2008 is for the School Fool.

To recap, Donna is a high school freshman when her whole family is killed by a teacher who has become obsessed with her. Three years later, she is living with her Aunt and Uncle and on the verge of Senior Prom/college when nightmares of the event return. Everyone including her boyfriend and friends want her to just have a nice night and not think about all that bad stuff. Unfortunately, there is a reason to think about it as the local police find out that days prior the teacher escaped from jail and is heading her way. So what is a police officer to do? On the one hand they could swoop in and lock down Donna to keep her safe. On the other they could let her have some fun at prom. Lucky for us these police officers think option 2 is just dandy (cause otherwise this movie would be pretty boring). At the prom Donna and everyone are having a great time… in fact, it’s such a typical prom that you start to wonder why you are even watching it. At that point the teacher starts to snag different people who leave the prom and kill them. Donna never leaves the prom, though, cause she’s a prom fiend so she doesn’t get killed… that is until the police figure out that they totally screwed up and pull the fire alarm. Donna just thinks it’s a fire so runs up to her room to grab her mother’s scarf and is confronted by the teacher. Fortunately she is fast like a rabbit and escapes. The police take her home while they scour the hotel for the teacher, but realize too late that he also escaped their clutches. At that point he kills Donna’s boyfriend and tries to kill her, but the police arrive just in time to kill him instead. Donna is probably extra scarred by this and the police probably have to answer a bunch of questions regarding their competence. THE END.

Prom Night is a whole lotta nonsense. I used to say about some films that you could “see the seams” when everything seemed manufactured. The rules of the world appeared to no longer apply given the amount of suspension of disbelief required to watch the film. Prom Night feels that way. The bad guy is just some loser teacher and yet he functions like he’s a supervillain or something. They make sure the police grumble about not being told the dude escaped from jail for three days because you need to have them know about him and yet not have enough time to warn the girl before she heads to prom. You need her to start having nightmares again so the family can logically (well, almost logically) decide that not telling her about the escaped killer is the best course of action. It really is narratively bonkers. That being said… it’s hard not to like a silly high school horror film. I enjoyed the experience of watching this objectively terrible movie. Oh and our boy Kellen Lutz has one of the funniest scenes of the millennium in the film. I almost wanted to get the DVD from the library just to burn the scene… but then I didn’t.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This is a stealth horror remake of Can’t Hardly Wait. Preston is obsessed with Amanda just like our teacher is obsessed with Donna. He looks forward to the end of senior year event to finally make his big move, much like the teacher chooses prom as the target of his escape. Preston is even mistaken for a creepo by Amanda at first… which is riffing on an alternative reading of the film (that he’s in fact a stalker/psycho). This take is driven by the fact that Donna wakes up in the final scene with Can’t Hardly Wait playing on television and now that I’ve written this all out I actually believe that wasn’t a mistake. This is not longer even a hot take. This was all inspired by Can’t Hardly Wait. Hot Take Temperature: Antarctica.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a crazed stalker at a fancy pants prom?! Let’s go!

Might as well get this out of the way: I watched the original in prep for the remake. Pretty good. I think maybe Prom Night was the true moment where Jamie Lee Curtis was crowned the Scream Queen. Three movies, three horror films, and this was arguably the second slasher. Would do Terror Train the next year. The only issue with the film really is that they really telegraph the killer. Like, it is so obvious that your mind starts playing tricks on you and you become convinced they could not possibly have done the most obvious thing … but they did. Some fun kills though, particularly the van going over the cliff.

As for this, woof! (But in a good way). Like, abominable, but in the most satisfying and amazing way.

We have a crazed killer for sure, but you know who it is from the jump. An interesting twist, but I can’t say it really works because doesn’t this just become a serial killer thriller in slasher clothing? If we are talking supernatural here with Freddy, Jason, or Michael then I think you get away with the unstoppable force killer, but here you did need a little mystery to amp up the thrills.

Speaking of mystery, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to pinpoint precisely what game the father was watching on television when he was murdered. It was the November 11, 2000 Oregon St game at Arizona in their one-loss season. Prom Night definitely takes place much later, so we are talking about a Oregon St superfan here. Confirmed! There is actually a lot of Oregon stuff in the film. The boyfriend was definitely going to Oregon St the next year, and they talk about a car getting stolen from a commuter going to Portland, and there is an Oregon St Athletics jacket.

I have a dumb theory about that actually. In my opinion the Oregon stuff was a bit over the top. But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably because the director was a huge television director. So a director who has to, potentially, take a script and decide how to best set this film in “Oregon” or wherever while using just establishing shots and filming in LA. And the way you do that is by making a guy an Oregon St superfan and throwing a jacket in a truck, et voila, I’m instantly transported to Oregon.

Oh the movie? The kills are lame (like … really lame. Confusingly lame) and there is no tension at all. The only slight saving grace is the extremely odd presence of Idris Elba as the cop chasing the killer.

But ultimately this film is amazing in the same way the OC is amazing. It scratches a very specific itch. That itch being watching 30 year olds playing high school students with dumb high school drama and weird high school parties.

I already explained this is an incredible Setting as a Character (Where?) for Oregon. And what a better MacGuffin (Why?) that the love of an unattainable beauty, which isn’t a real MacGuffin, but I don’t care because this film deserves more superlatives. Amazing and confounding as it might seem there is no twist in this slasher film. This film is BMT through and through I would watch it a thousand times.

Read about my Prom Night sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Prom Night (2008) Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was at the prom getting my groove on when the big announcement came. I was NOT crowned Prom King. As I stomp about trashing the place I pull down a set of decorations which bop me right on the head. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Prom Night (2008)?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We open in a dream where Donna Keppel confronts a stalker in her home. But it is only a dream. It is of course based on her lived experience. How many people died that night when the stalker invaded her home?

2) Uh oh, thought. The bad dude escaped! And on prom night, bad beat. How did he manage to avoid being put to death?

3) What is the theme of the prom?

4) Who won prom king and queen?

5) Uh oh, we got a twist’em’up! While the cops are searching the hotel top to bottom, how did the killer get out of the hotel?

Bonus Question: Right as I’m prepping for my screenwriting agency prom (don’t ask, we have it every year) my new agent Michael calls, what does he want?

Answers