Who watches The Watcher? We do, that’s who. It’s almost like everyone agreed that Keanu is such a stand up guy that they just aren’t ever going to mention this film again. That we’ll just pretend it never happened because it is kind of embarrassing for everyone involved. He was tricked into appearing in it and then pursued legal action that allowed him to disown while also preventing him from bad mouthing it. So… why isn’t there a six part podcast about this where everyone spills the sordid details of this bizarre affair? Probably because no one involved wants to (or is allowed to) talk about it. It’s embarrassing. How did this happen? I don’t know, but we’re lucky it did because this film is bananananas.
To recap, James Spader is trying to start over in Chicago. You see he almost caught a serial killer once upon a time, but he turned away to try (and fail) to save the woman he was having an affair with. So now he’s a real saddo and trying to work through it with his sexy therapist. Turns out the serial killer, Keanu, just can’t quit our boy Spades. It’s never been quite the same without him hot on his heels. You know what that means. Road trip! He shows up and kills a girl in his building and that gets Spader’s attention. Soon the killer is toying with him, giving him all the clues, Mr. Policeman. Spader is back in the game. The second girl is a lonely hour photo worker. Everyone is trying to fit all the pieces together, but ultimately they are just moments too late. Next up is a homeless girl. They cast their net wide and find the killer, but he’s just too wiley and he gets away after killing the girl. Finally the killer decides that it’s all getting a bit trite and chats up Spader at the grave of his dead lady love. After some negotiation he decides to take Spader to the warehouse where he’s kidnapped his therapist. Once there he begins to torture them, but Spader is able to get him off balance and shoot him. Ultimately there is a gas leak and the whole place explodes just as Spader and the therapist jump to safety. The killer is dead, but Spader… Spader’s never been more alive. THE END. (Or is it? (It is… because Spader specifically turns over Keanu’s corpse to show the audience that he won’t be in the sequel or spinoff TNT series or whatever)).
Wow. This movie is bad. I never even heard of this film before! And now I’m singing its BMT praises. What a world. It’s directed as if an amateur music video director somehow got permission to make a major motion picture… because that’s exactly what happened. I would also like to specifically shout out what might be the all-time product placement in the history of film. Me and Patrick jokingly referred to Keanu as the Product Placement Killer because each of the three girls killed had a specific product they were associated with. Keanu sent all the clues about the first one to Spader using FedEx (guaranteed to get there on time). The second girl posed for Keanu as he snapped pics on his Kodak camera. Finally, the third girl was homeless but the picture showed her outside a Seattle’s Best coffee shop! Quick, everyone, scour all the Seattle’s Best’s and try not to get too jacked up on their delicious coffee. I’m weeping. It’s just so beautiful.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Spade is Keanu. Keanu is Spader. That’s right! Spader is the killer. Oh it just so happens that a serial killer followed you to Chicago and is leaving all the clues just for you? Right, and we always track down the girls he kidnaps but the killer just happens to get away just in time? Darn, how inconvenient for everyone but the killer. And of course he kidnaps your therapist that you definitely aren’t obsessed with and you are able to save her just in time. What we didn’t see at the end of the film was the therapist turn to the cops and mouth “Help me, this guy’s crazy.” Hot Take Temperature: a scalding hot Seattle’s Best coffee.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! What are we talking about? Are we talking about Keanu Reeves dancing like a dummy being a serial killer? Let’s go!
Let’s just get this out of the way: this feels like barely a movie. Which if you read some of the controversy surrounding its production that came out a year after it was released it all makes sense. Keanu was apparently like “uh I guess I’ll be in your movie” to the guy who directed his band’s music videos. His agent (or something) then solidified this commitment by (according to Keanu) forging his signature on a contract. And instead of going through a protracted legal battle Keanu just decided to do it.
Now in that context one must pose this question: Did Keanu act terribly on purpose for this film? It certainly seems plausible…
Because outside of the direction (which we’ll get to) he’s far and away the worst bit of this film. He is somehow both flat and over the top (which I suppose some might call the Keanu Special, c’mon, you know what I’m talking about), he has a crazy dance scene, and his character is a real dummy.
Spader and Tomei are okay. They do what they need to with the material they are given. It really only picks up once Spader sobers up and starts working for the FBI again. Tomei is fine, but functions solely as a damsel in distress. The whole thing comes across as a backdoor pilot for a Criminal Minds spin-off starring Spader.
The direction is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This might be the one and only time tilt-shift has been used in a Thriller. Hell, I don’t even remember tilt-shift being used in ANY film. It is a crazy choice, and one that probably was something the director was experimenting with in his music videos, but for a serial thriller film? Very odd choice.
Also, I think a competent director cuts the dance scene or fixes it somehow. It is not only jarring, but somehow used twice in the film. They show it in the beginning and then use it as a call back! Bad choice.
I miss films like this though. The worst bit is the direction, the whole thing looks ridiculous, with the undercurrent of also kind of being entertaining because how can a serial killer thriller not be? Just straight up fun.
I’ll leave the hilarious product placement discussion to Jamie for the most part, but Coca-Cola, FedEx, Kodak, and Seattle’s Best all play prominent roles in the plot of the film, that’s some grade-A Product Placement (What?). Very much Setting as a Character (Where?) for Chicago. And I’ll leave it with a resounding BMT from me.
Read about my spin-off television series in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was chasing this serial killer, when all of a sudden he starts dancing? Yeah, it was wild stuff. So wild that I don’t actually remember anything else about him … do you remember what happened in The Watcher?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film Spader has a flashback. What event is he remembering?
2) Oh snap, and then in the morning he gets a FedEx envelope. What is in it?
3) Oooo Keanu wants to play a game. What game? Who wins the game?
4) And another photo arrives. Where did serial Keanu find this person, and who wins the game this time?
5) And who is the final target? And who wins this time?
Bonus Question: Well, it is a few years later and everything is just peachy. Spader’s back in the FBI, he’s married to Tomei. Great stuff. Oh, a phone call. Who could it be?
“Yo, Mr. 305!” Jamie and Patrick yell to Pitbull, but he’s already up on stage. The audience had been in a mournful state listening to just how sorry Jamie and Patrick were, but quickly get to their feet for the funky fresh beats of Mr. Worldwide. “What a goddamn pro,” they marvel. As they race into the audience, trying their best not to trip over the numerous steaming cups of Tim Horton’s coffee their fans are enjoying, they get to the location where the green light was coming from, but only find an empty seat. They grab a nearby fan by the shirt and scream into his face “Tell me who was sitting here.” The man is terrified by this classic Tantrum Twin behavior and shakily confirms that someone was there but disappeared once the concert got bumping. “Like… like some gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost,” he stammers out at last. Jamie and Patrick toss the poor soul to the side and glance around trying to find any clue about the green light. Suddenly from the corner of their eye they see a glimmer, as if some Glimmer Man has quickly run across their peripheral vision. They follow where the suspected Glimmer Man must have been heading and find themselves in a series of steam tunnels underneath the arena. “Patrick, I’m sc-sc-sc-scared,” Jamie says, licking his lips. “I know,” Patrick says, “but we can’t let fear win the day.” Despite the confidence in his words, Patrick’s own fear is revealed when a loud clatter rings out in the tunnel and he and Jamie hug each other in terror. “Who… who’s there?” they yell out, but no one reveals themselves. The hairs on their necks stand on end. They may not be able to see this Glimmer Man, but they know he’s watching. That’s right! We are jumping to The Watcher starring noted Canadian Keanu Reeves. You know, The Watcher… the film we all know and love. Let’s go!
The Watcher (2000) – BMeTric: 51.7; Notability: 28
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 26.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians, Highlander: Endgame, Dracula 2000, Supernova, Big Momma’s House, Get Carter, Little Nicky, The Next Best Thing, Hanging Up, Lost Souls, Down to You, The Crow: Salvation, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, Loser, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Gone in 60 Seconds, Little Nicky, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Coyote Ugly, Mission to Mars, Ready to Rumble, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, Reindeer Games, Rules of Engagement, 102 Dalmatians, Hollow Man, Thomas and the Magic Railroad, Bless the Child, Supernova, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Final Destination, Dracula 2000, Get Carter, Dude, Where’s My Car?, and 45 more; Lower RT: 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Bless the Child, Down to You, Lost Souls, Turn It Up, Dungeons & Dragons, The Skulls, Urban Legends: Final Cut, Supernova, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed; Notes: That 50+ BMeTric is pretty funny for this film I’ve never heard of. Of the 20 higher BMeT films we’ve seen 10 I think, which is kind of weak. We need to hit up 2000 more often.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “The Watcher” is about still another serial killer whose existence centers on staging elaborate scenarios for the cops. If these weirdos would just become screenwriters in the first place, think of the lives that could be saved. Keanu Reeves stars as Griffin, a murderer who follows an FBI agent named Campbell (James Spader) from Los Angeles to Chicago, complaining about the cold weather but explaining he had to move because “things didn’t work out with your successor.” Killing just wasn’t the same without Campbell to bug.
(Huge zinger there. And again, I’m a little perplexed. I guess Ebert did think Spader and Tomei were effective in their limiting roles, but still, that review feels like it should be lower than 2 somehow, and yet here we are.)
(Haunt? Is … Kenau a gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost? A Glimmer Man? Jokes aside, this trailer is really long and lame, and you can distinctly tell that Keanu is half-assing the whole thing.)
Directors – Joe Charbanic – ( Known For: The Last Time I Committed Suicide; BMT: The Watcher; Notes: There is very little about this guy on IMDb. His first few credits are music videos though, and that is presumably how he got the gig.)
Writers – Darcy Meyers – ( BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Wrote 13 episodes of JAG. Seems to have got her start writing for Silk Stockings.)
David Elliot – ( Known For: Four Brothers; Catacombs; Future BMT: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Created and wrote the show Proven Innocent which aired in 2019. I think it was a one and done.)
Clay Ayers – (BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Really nothing on this guy. Wrote Sword of Honor which I think he acted in as well. Has around 167 votes on IMDb, played around eight times on television in the late 90s.)
Actors – James Spader – ( Known For: Secretary; Pretty in Pink; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Stargate; Lincoln; Crash; Wall Street; Wolf; Less Than Zero; Sex, Lies, and Videotape; Baby Boom; The Homesman; 2 Days in the Valley; Dream Lover; Bad Influence; White Palace; Shorts; The New Kids; Jack’s Back; Bob Roberts; Future BMT: Tuff Turf; BMT: Endless Love; Mannequin; Supernova; The Watcher; Notes: Won three Emmys for The Practice and Boston Legal. I’m surprised he was never nominated for Blacklist which is probably what he’s most famous for now.)
Keanu Reeves – ( Known For: John Wick: Chapter 4; John Wick; The Matrix; Knock Knock; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; John Wick: Chapter 2; Point Break; The Matrix Resurrections; Bram Stoker’s Dracula; The Devil’s Advocate; Speed; Constantine; DC League of Super-Pets; Toy Story 4; Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; The Matrix Reloaded; The Neon Demon; My Own Private Idaho; The Gift; The Bad Batch; Future BMT: 47 Ronin; The Matrix Revolutions; Street Kings; Chain Reaction; Sweet November; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; Johnny Mnemonic; The Lake House; Replicas; The Watcher; Notes: Y’all know Keanu. One of the weird films he did between The Matrix and the sequel. Now he kills it in John Wick.)
Marisa Tomei – ( Known For: The Lincoln Lawyer; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Avengers: Endgame; The Big Short; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Spider-Man: Homecoming; My Cousin Vinny; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Far from Home; The King of Staten Island; The Wrestler; What Women Want; Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead; Trainwreck; The Ides of March; Chaplin; Anger Management; Four Rooms; The Toxic Avenger; Slums of Beverly Hills; Future BMT: Parental Guidance; Love the Coopers; BMT: Wild Hogs; Oscar; The Watcher; Notes: Oscar winner for My Cousin Vinny, but nominated two other times (In the Bedroom and The Wrestler). Now notable for playing Aunt May in the MCU.)
(That is bad, but not nearly as bad as I would have expected … like $30 million is like four times as much as I would have imagined this movie I didn’t know existed made back in the early 2000s.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (10/92): The Watcher has Keanu Reeves cast against type, but the movie is short on thrills, suspense, and believability.
(That RT consensus is actually pretty mild. Considering Keanu is terrible in it and the movie sucks and looks like crap. Oh, I’m stepping on my recap, sorry.)
NYT Short Review: F.B.I. agent, serial killer and therapist. Damp, morose, thrill-free thriller.
(Ahhhhhahahahah. Well I guess I have a good example for my Movie Poster Art and Artistry course I’ll be teaching. Color schemes is a theme and someone could ask, “obviously a poster can be too bright and white, but can you make one too dark?” The answer appears to be yes. This is incomprehensible. D+. )
Tagline(s) – Don’t go home alone. (Uh… what?)
(Uh… OK. Spoiler alert, I’ve already seen this movie and I have no idea why this would be the tagline for it. Everyone The Watcher is watching is always alone… home or not… that’s kind of the point.)
Keyword(s) – canada
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.1 Prom Night (2008), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996)
BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), … (and many more)
Best Options (Thriller): 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 63.6 Valentine (2001), 59.1 Cold Creek Manor (2003), 57.4 They (2002), 56.6 Shutter (2008), 54.9 Lost Souls (2000), 54.8 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 53.7 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 50.1 House at the End of the Street (2012), 50.0 Collateral Damage (2002), 45.0 Big Bully (1996), 44.2 Maximum Risk (1996), 43.8 The Stepfather (2009), 43.3 Jigsaw (2017), 42.3 Red Planet (2000), 40.9 Shadow Conspiracy (1997), 40.9 The Marksman (2021), 40.6 The Forsaken (2001), 37.9 Hideaway (1995), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 36.2 The In-Laws (2003), 35.2 The Perfect Guy (2015), 35.1 Passenger 57 (1992), 33.6 Saw VI (2009), 32.7 Dream House (2011), 31.0 Masterminds (1997), 30.3 Gossip (2000), 29.9 Wrongfully Accused (1998), 29.5 Most Wanted (1997), 29.3 Murder by Numbers (2002), 28.9 The Sentinel (2006), 28.3 The Temp (1993), 27.5 Next (2007), 27.0 Taking Lives (2004), 27.0 Case 39 (2009), 26.9 American Assassin (2017), 26.5 Knockaround Guys (2001), 26.2 The Puppet Masters (1994), 24.6 Surrogates (2009), 24.2 Visiting Hours (1982), 23.7 Criminal (2016), 23.3 Don’t Say a Word (2001), 22.6 Eye for an Eye (1996), 20.7 Stand Up Guys (2012), 20.7 Mad City (1997), 20.5 Rules of Engagement (2000), 19.8 Trial by Jury (1994), 18.9 Whispers in the Dark (1992), 17.4 Instinct (1999), 16.8 Wrong Is Right (1982), 14.9 The Book of Henry (2017), 14.8 In Time (2011), 14.7 Final Destination (2000), 12.8 The Island (2005), 12.4 Run (1991), 11.5 Firstborn (1984), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004), 3.1 Seven Pounds (2008)
(Right, this isn’t in the dataset because Keanu isn’t “Canadian” according to IMDb. He was born in Lebanon and has an impressively varied ancestry. He grew up in Canada, and also acted in Youngblood as a French-Canadian goalie, which is all I really needed to know to know Keanu is a maple-blooded Canadian.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Marisa Tomei is No. 3 billed in The Watcher and No. 2 billed in Oscar, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.
Notes – Reeves has stated that he was not interested in the script but was forced into doing the film when his assistant Brian forged his signature on a contract. He performed the role rather than get involved in a lengthy legal battle. He was contractually prevented from disclosing this until 12 months after the film’s US release.
Keanu Reeves was contracted by the studio not to say anything negative until a year after the film’s release. He waited the full year to publicly bash the movie and revealed how someone forged his signature on the contract to star in the film.
Third-billed Keanu Reeves gave his verbal agreement to director Joe Charbanic several years before production started, after reading his original script. With his involvement, the filmmakers were able to attract a bigger cast and budget than originally envisioned, and Reeves’ part (originally little more than a cameo) was substantially re-written to feature him more prominently. Reportedly, Keanu Reeves, who would be paid scale while his co-stars James Spader and Marisa Tomei would get one million dollar paychecks, tried to drop out of the film, but eventually changed his mind (apparently influenced by the legal precedent of the Kim Basinger/Boxing Helena (1993) debacle). He eventually agreed to do the picture, and abstain from badmouthing it in interviews, on the condition that his involvement in the film be downplayed in all promotional material for the film, including trailers. Universal also asked the film’s financiers to enhance Reeves’ profit participation, which led Reeves to ultimately receive (at least) additional $2 million.
The Watcher was directed by Joe Charbanic, a buddy of Keanu who has also filmed the actor on tour with his rock band Dogstar.
Keanu Reeves disliked the movie so much he refused to do any press for the films release.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Keanu Reeves)
It’s a Glass attack! You must take every M. Night Shyamalan that qualifies for BMT as a gift in today’s world. He still has his quirks, he still makes weird choices, he still delivers some twists. He is who we thought he was, essentially, but just isn’t swinging so hard that we are laughing when he pops out. The Visit was a bunt single that we celebrated like a home run and Split was a double that turned the baseball (read: film) world on its head. Here’s a guy we thought was washed. He’s batting .107 and we are begging the team to send him to the minors and now suddenly he’s a solid contributor in the fifth spot in the lineup. So Glass, wellllll, let’s just say if you’re batting .250 that means you’re out ¾ of the time. Was that enough baseball metaphors for you?
To recap, Mr. Glass is back, Jack! And boy is he kind of boring. He’s essentially mute now and snoozing away in an insane asylum. The very asylum where Bruce Willis and The Beast are sent to after a confrontation in a local warehouse. There they meet the very annoying Dr. Staple who basically says they are all fakers and delusions, even though everyone knows it isn’t true because we saw the previous films. So she seems useless (or is she? (twist much?)). Mr. Glass meets with The Beast and basically is like “Let’s team up like the evil dream team,” and The Beast is down. It appears like Mr. Glass is caught, but uses his intelligence to outsmart the guards and get The Beast out of the asylum. He’s ready to unleash The Beast on the soon to be opened Largest Building in Philadelphia. But as they head that way they are confronted in the parking lot by Bruce. Bruce is like “stop” and The Beast is like “no.” Mr. Glass reveals Bruce’s weakness to water, while Bruce’s son reveals that The Beast’s dad, who protected him from his abusive mom, was killed in the train wreck Mr. Glass caused while trying to find Bruce. The Beast is pissed and kills Mr. Glass and throws Bruce into a water tank. Bruce manages to escape, but is too weak to fight, so it’s up to Casey from the first film to swoop in and bring Kevin, The Beast’s true form, into the light. At that point a sniper kills Kevin and police officers kill Bruce. Dr. Staple is revealed not to be a doubter, but instead part of a group tasked with putting down superhumans. Unfortunately for her, Mr. Glass was too smart and was able to stream the security footage of the event to a private server from which it’s released to the public. THE END.
I can certainly see why this qualified for BMT. Not just that it’s a huge step down from Unbreakable and Split, but even without the direct comparison it feels pretty meh. Long stretches of the film are just people being like “I’m not sure I have powers. Do I have powers?” or totally catatonic. It feels like it was done on the cheap or something. They decided to place what should be a fun conclusion entirely within the confines of a hospital without much of a plan on how to make that interesting. Cause it really wasn’t all that interesting I agree with Patrick that the ending is a nice subversion of a comic book film. A twist on a classic villain’s plan. It seems to go awry as it ends with a whimper in the parking lot of a hospital, but it turns out to go exactly as planned in every way. That’s fun… you know… if it actually was any fun. So it’s meh. The high 30’s RT score fits it to a tee.
Hot Take Clam Bake! That video would not impress anyone, let alone destabilize the world by inspiring people to become super. It’s a lame fight in a parking lot. One of the “superhumans” crushes a man… who has a disease that makes him easily crushable. The other is drowned in a puddle by a police officer. This is all assuming they even believe the video is real. It’s the age of AI, people. A computer could make that for me just by reading my mind or whatever. Hot Take Temperature: Philly Cheesesteak.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Glass? Well this movie just got shattered. Let’s go!
Right before watching this I watched Split. That movie is pretty enjoyable. I think a lot of the later M. Night has gotten a tiny bit overrated by people who like the formula he’s going for, which in a way is basically just The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits on film. The Visit? Genuinely quite bad, and yet a lot of people seem to like it. Split? Solid, but still with a variety of bizarre choices which dropped it from an A to a B at best. I started watching Old … woooooooooooooooooooooooooof. I really don’t like that movie at all.
Glass seems to be the one that caught up on him. Just a shade under 40% seems to be properly rated.
The use of Samuel L. Jackson is terrible. He basically doesn’t do anything the entire film. The old lady makeup for his mother is also terrible. The actress playing his mother is younger than him (ha!).
McAvoy is still okay, but they continue to overuse the child character who is the worst of the bunch, and for all the bluster about 20-some-odd personalities they still only managed to show off a few.
Bruce Willis sleepwalks through the film as usual for that era.
All of the young characters have perplexing arcs.
The ultimate twist is pretty terrible.
And the ending is a bait-and-switch.
Out of all of those issues, the most interesting is the bait-and-switch ending, which upon reflection actually is kind of an excellent idea. Everyone in the movie keeps talking about this big tower being built. And everything is driving towards a big confrontation at that building. And then just as they are leaving for the building, they instead have a pretty lackluster battle in the parking lot of the insane asylum they are being housed at. In a way it is like … what are we doing here? But on another the idea of setting up this big event for it to just fall through (and that being part of the plan as well) seems kind of beautifully understated.
I’m glad they finished the trilogy, but there is very little likelihood I’ll watch anything but Unbreakable again in my life.
The best Product Placement (What?) in the film was a very conspicuous placement of the Apple logo on a computer at one point. Love the traditional Setting as a Character (Where?) for Philadelphia with a newly minted giant glass tower. And a definite Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that all of this has been orchestrated by an Illuminati-like conspiracy to take down superheroes/villains before they gain power. Closest to Bad I think.
Read about the fourth film in the saga in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man. So here’s the thing. I’m unbreakable. Un. Break. Able. Except … well my brain is still a brain and I’ve now sustained I think 50 massive concussions. I can’t remember how many (literally). Do you remember what happened in Glass?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Aw man you remember Unbreakable … yeah that was cool. Well our hero has a new job. What is it?
2) Aw man you remember Split?! Well our villain is really up to no good. Where is he keeping his new set of girls to be consumed by The Beast?
3) Aw man you remember … this movie. Well our other villain Mr. Glass is still around. Where has he been being kept for these long years?
4) Well guess what, now they are all there. How do they keep Split and Unbreakable under control though?
5) Aw shoot, I’m out of questions. Well I guess one more question. Who is the actual villains of the film and what are their nefarious plans?
Bonus Question: Well … now they need a hero. Where do you find the next Unbreakable?
Jamie and Patrick climb on stage and grab the microphone from Kevin James. “This man is a fraud,” they yell, “they man has no honor as he won’t name us. He will only imply that we have exceptionally itchy balls from the safety of parody. But we don’t. So Kevin James,” they turn to look at him, “Prepare to do battle.” They throw the microphone into the crowd and begin to pummel him with all their twin might. In that moment they are a mix between man and jaguar, monstrous beings that only vaguely resemble humans. Kevin James’ eyes are wild with fear. He attempts to scramble his way back into the bathroom he allegedly destroyed, but Jamie and Patrick suspect was just another one of his foul lies used for a cheap laugh. Before he gets there, they grab him by the legs and fling him like a ragdoll into his precious crowd. He begs them for help, but the crowd recoils, fearing that any help they give will be met with a storm of fury from Jamie and Patrick. Kevin James scrambles backwards, bumping up against the duffel bag he carries with him containing the many awards he has won. He attempts to appease them by giving them these trophies, like a man hoping to appease an angry god, but Jamie and Patrick simply bat away his 2013 MovieGuide Grace Award. “Help me, robot man!” Kevin James screams in desperation at Michael, but the robot nods his head. The twins have finally got it. The people are always right and the people want blood. “You’ve awakened The Beast and here comes the boom,” Jamie says demonically and with that they launch into a flying twin kick that knocks Kevin James’ head clean off. That’s right! We are watching the M. Night BMT classic Glass. He has launched himself out of director jail, but it doesn’t mean he can’t throw us a BMT bone once in a while. Let’s go!
Glass (2019) – BMeTric: 16.9; Notability: 27
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.3%; Higher BMeT: Cats, Secret Obsession, IO, Escape Plan: The Extractors, The Fanatic, Hellboy, The Curse of La Llorona, After, The Poison Rose, The Silence, Tall Girl, Rim of the World, The Hustle, In the Tall Grass, Playing with Fire, Polaroid, The Haunting of Sharon Tate, Serenity, Primal, Countdown, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, X-Men: Dark Phoenix, Men in Black: International, 6 Underground, Cats, UglyDolls, Gemini Man, Above Suspicion, The Kitchen, Angel Has Fallen, Zeroville, The Dirt, The Goldfinch, Hellboy, Shaft, Rim of the World, Otherhood, The Hustle, Rambo: Last Blood; Lower RT: The Poison Rose, Polaroid, The Coldest Game, The Hustle, The Fanatic, Buddy Games, Hellboy, After, Polar, The Haunting of Sharon Tate, Cats, The Jesus Rolls, Serenity, Miss Bala, Lucy in the Sky, Jexi, Iron Mask, X-Men: Dark Phoenix, Zeroville, Men in Black: International, and 24 more; Notes: Man, should we just watch Cats again? What a glory.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – There are glimpses of the crazy, ambitious movie that “Glass” could have been, and that’s what saves it from complete “Happening”-level disaster. Once again, McAvoy is giving it his all, even if he’s not getting as much back in return as he did last time (and is balanced by another half-hearted Willis performance in which I swear you can practically see him fall asleep). And there are just enough out-there ideas in “Glass” that it’s impossible to completely dismiss even if they don’t come together. It’s that fine line between ambitiously clunky in a way that engages the viewer and just sloppy. I honestly kept trying to engage with “Glass” as a fan of Shyamalan’s early films, comic books, and movies that try to mash-up familiar genres in a way that makes a new one. I ultimately resigned myself to the fact that it’s not my fault that it’s broken.
(Yeah, this is roughly the gist I got from a few different podcast discussions. Although some of those were more impressed with the gall of M. Night to pull the rug out from the viewers in the end.)
(Solid trailer. Given how well received Split was this was quite highly anticipated as well. Looked awesome.)
Directors – M. Night Shyamalan – ( Known For: Knock at the Cabin; Split; Old; The Sixth Sense; Signs; Unbreakable; The Visit; The Village; Wide Awake; Praying with Anger; BMT: Glass; The Last Airbender; The Happening; After Earth; Lady in the Water; Notes: Y’all know M. Night. Incredible that we have officially finished his filmography … again I guess, we did previously at one point too it looks like.)
Writers – M. Night Shyamalan – ( Known For: Knock at the Cabin; Split; Old; The Sixth Sense; Signs; Unbreakable; The Visit; Stuart Little; The Village; Devil; Wide Awake; Praying with Anger; BMT: Glass; The Last Airbender; The Happening; After Earth; Lady in the Water; Notes: The son of two doctors (I think) in Philadelphia which is why he always sets his films there. Prior to him ever directing a film he declared he would be the next Spielberg. He kind of was for a bit.)
Actors – James McAvoy – ( Known For: Split; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Deadpool 2; Atonement; The Bubble; It Chapter Two; Wanted; X: First Class; X-Men: Apocalypse; X-Men: Days of Future Past; Atomic Blonde; Trance; The Last King of Scotland; Filth; Gnomeo & Juliet; Muppets Most Wanted; Penelope; Becoming Jane; Starter for 10; My Son; Future BMT: Victor Frankenstein; Sherlock Gnomes; BMT: Glass; X-Men: Dark Phoenix; Notes: He was pretty good in Split, although I didn’t care for the little kid character. Scottish, and a bit amazing he’s never been nominated for an Academy Award at least.)
Bruce Willis – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; The Fifth Element; Split; Sin City; The Sixth Sense; Moonrise Kingdom; Die Hard; Alpha Dog; Unbreakable; 12 Monkeys; The Expendables; Over the Hedge; Assassin; Wrong Place; Looper; RED; Paradise City; Planet Terror; The Last Boy Scout; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Future BMT: Tears of the Sun; The Cold Light of Day; The Jackal; Blind Date; Hostage; Surrogates; Striking Distance; Loaded Weapon 1; Last Man Standing; Cop Out; Look Who’s Talking Too; Sunset; The Story of Us; Rugrats Go Wild; Billy Bathgate; Rock the Kasbah; BMT: G.I. Joe: Retaliation; Armageddon; Glass; Death Wish; Color of Night; A Good Day to Die Hard; The Bonfire of the Vanities; Perfect Stranger; Hudson Hawk; Mercury Rising; North; The Whole Ten Yards; Notes: Sadly retired from acting due to, effectively, dementia which caused aphasia. His last few years of multiple horrible films was basically him making a little bit of money for his family prior to revealing the diagnosis.)
Samuel L. Jackson – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Pulp Fiction; Avengers: Infinity War; Goodfellas; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; A Time to Kill; Inglourious Basterds; Jurassic Park; Django Unchained; Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith; Iron Man; The Avengers; Captain America: The First Avenger; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The Hateful Eight; Oldboy; The Incredibles; Thor; Future BMT: The Legend of Tarzan; Spiral; Star Wars: The Clone Wars; Rules of Engagement; Life Itself; Sphere; The Spirit; Basic; Loaded Weapon 1; Formula 51; One Eight Seven; The Man; Fluke; Amos & Andrew; Strictly Business; Freedomland; BMT: Glass; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Jumper; Shaft; xXx: State of the Union; Twisted; Notes: Incredibly prolific. Obviously smashed out an incredible run in the MCU, and now has a new TV show there as well.)
(That is really good. Ever since M. Night paired up with Blumhouse he’s been making bank because I think he basically puts up the whole $20 million himself and gets like all the profit.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (149/408): Glass displays a few glimmers of M. Night Shyamalan at his twisty world-building best, but ultimately disappoints as the conclusion to the writer-director’s long-gestating trilogy.
(Yeah, basically. But films that are this close to not qualifying are usually either boring or good. I guess we’ll see.)
NY Times Short Review: In his enjoyable, messy sequel to “Unbreakable” and “Split,” Shyamalan joins together three adversaries in a world of ordinary terrors.
(This is unfortunately just OK. I like the different colors and the artistic qualities I’m seeing, but it looks a little like when a TV has motion smoothing on. And look at that font. Horrible. Just do better, cause I like the ideas. B-.)
Tagline(s) – None (F)
(I don’t see a real tagline on the poster, which is where I like to get my taglines. IMDb does have a whole bunch listed though, so they must have been used somewhere. Just not here.)
Keyword(s) – wisdom
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), … and many more
Best Options (Horror): 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 64.7 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.5 Darkness Falls (2003), 63.6 Valentine (2001), 61.2 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 59.9 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 50.7 Saw 3D (2010), 50.5 Halloween Kills (2021), 49.3 The Omen (2006), 48.5 White Noise (2005), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.4 Gothika (2003), 36.9 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.5 Hide and Seek (2005), 33.2 House of 1000 Corpses (2003), 27.8 Dark Shadows (2012), 27.7 Saw III (2006), 25.7 Idle Hands (1999), 23.9 The Uninvited (2009), 19.2 Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 16.9 Glass (2019)
(Oh hell yeah, we picked the last one. The reason is because we were already watching a bunch of M. Night films. So … there we are. We almost watched Prom Night.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bruce Willis is No. 2 billed in Glass and No. 1 billed in Armageddon, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 3 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 13. If we were to watch The Jackal, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.
Notes – Samuel L. Jackson said of working with James McAvoy on the movie, “As good as I like to think I am or what I do and how I do it, watching somebody transform characters in front of your eyes and have an argument with four different people is pretty amazing.”
Director M. Night Shyamalan was able to incorporate unseen footage from Unbreakable (2000) into this film, for flashback scenes involving the younger versions of David and Joseph.
Although Disney owns the rights to Unbreakable (2000), director M. Night Shyamalan retained the rights to any potential sequels, so that the studio could not make one without his involvement. Such was his desire for creative control that he co-financed this film by mortgaging his house.
Director M. Night Shyamalan talked about the importance of colors in this movie, saying, “I chose green for David Dunn because psychologically, it is associated with life giving properties. David is the protector of life. I chose ochre or mustard for The Beast because this color is associated with religious ceremonies, Hindu and Buddhist. A monk’s robe. I see The Beast as an evangelist, a preacher who wants to help save ‘The Broken.’ Finally, I chose purple for Mr. Glass because this color has been associated with royalty, majestic qualities. Elijah sees himself as important, a main character of comics.”
Director M. Night Shyamalan said that the original cut of the film had a run time of nearly three and a half hours. He “trimmed it up a bit” by cutting three of Kevin Crumb’s 23 personalities out of the film.
The original script for Unbreakable (2000) included Kevin as an emerging villain for David to face against, but director M. Night Shyamalan could never make it work within the confines of a single movie. Thus, Kevin ended up being Split (2016) off into his own movie, with this film as the culmination of the original idea.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Bruce Willis, 2019)
Welcome to a bona fide Daddio Special. Airing on September 1st, 1990 we could have plopped down as a family at 7pm to watch Poltergeist III. Now we are jazzed. We just got Poltergeisted. We’re like “Daddy, daddy, we can’t go to bed yet. Best birthday ever!” and so he unfurls the newspaper. Will it be Casualties of War, Stand and Deliver, or Leviathan? Nah. The Times is telling him to “spare yourself” (at least regarding Leviathan). Oh ho, but what’s this on TMC? UHF!?!? Literally our favorite film growing up that we watched over and over and over and over?! It’s destiny. Then off we go to bed, having laughed and loved with Poltergeist III and UHF. The perfect birthday pairing. Once we are in bed, though, Daddio works his way through Night of the Demons and The Iron Triangle so he can finish his birthday right: a 2 am showing of Citizen Kane. Beautiful symmetry.
To recap, the Freelings are back, Jack! Well not really. Only Carrrooollll Annnneeee, who has been sent away to live with her Aunt Pat and her new husband Bruce and his daughter Donna. Bruce is all like “the more the merrier” while Pat is a bit rude and has some ‘tude towards her niece. She’s got an art gallery to run, damn it! They live in a fully mirrored skyscraper that Bruce runs (don’t want to see his bill for Windex, emiright?) and Carol Anne goes to a special school for special children run by a very not special (and particularly awful) child psychologist who thinks Carol Anne is manipulative and delusional. But she’s not delusional. Not at all. That’s cause Kane is back, Jack and ready to snack… on Carol Anne’s soul. Bwahahaha. While Pat and Bruce are out at a party and Donna is doing some partying of her own, Carol Anne is attacked by Kane. She is able to escape but is soon pulled into the Other Side. Donna and her maybe-more-than-a-friend Scott witness this on the building’s security cameras and are also pulled into the Other Side when they go to try and help her. Things are looking pretty dire (3-0 Kane by my count), but Scott and Donna make a surprise return so really it’s 2-1, advantage good guys. Bruce runs off to try to find Carol Anne and in a big ol’ twist Donna and Scott kill the psychologist cause they are actually mirror people! Back to a 0-3 shutout by Kane. Boooooo! But Pat realizes she has to lose the ‘tude and only by showing how much she loves Carol Anne can she defeat Kane’s hate. Bruce, Pat, Carol Anne, and Donna are reunited. 2-1 good guys and they never get Scott back cause fuck him, right? THE END.
Wowza. This movie is really quite bad on every single level. Acting? Dire. Storyline? Confusing. Visuals? Over the top mirror world (read: actually kinda fun at times). Everything about this films screams “for the love of God do not release me to theaters.” Oohhhhh, but they did. This hits some top marks and will be on some short lists at the end of the year. This has a lot going for it, but I especially like how nice it is as an example of how lore can go bad (in this case a desperate attempt to make their own Jason/Freddy/Myers in Kane) and really bury a franchise. It’s no wonder that it took decades for them to revive the property because the Kane stink must have been strong. Who wants to grapple with all that jazz? Gotta wait and just reboot the original, which is exactly what happened.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna plant my flag right now on the question that has been eating at all the Poltergeist III heads out there for decades: Scott (the real hero of the film) is not dead. He definitely popped out somewhere else when Kane was defeated. How do I know? Carol Anne was the prize, that’s why. Kane probably didn’t even want Scott. What would he need to take Scott over to the Other Side? He’s a loser with bad style. That’s not mean, it’s just the truth. He uses him for his mirror magic and them pooped him out somewhere and probably Scott was like “actually can I come to the other side with you, Mr. Kane, sir?” and Kane was like “No.” Hot Take Temperature: Perfect Stranger.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Poltergeist III? More like Poltergeist: Tower. Gremlins, Poltergeist … why didn’t we see more horror films going for the tower sequel? Let’s go!
I did genuinely like the setting of this film. I’m not joking: why aren’t there more horror films in towers / films in towers in general. Then again, Skyscraper was the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen so …
The acting in this movie is dire. I think it exposed a few things. First, that JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson are very good actors who were too good for the schlock being dished out in the Poltergeist sequels. Second, that as good as Heather O’Rourke was in the original Poltergeist she ultimately was a child actor, and the more you asked of her the more dicey things got. And finally, that the fringe players (like Zelda Rubinstein, woof!) even in the original series weren’t very good, but you only noticed it once the main actors and material got bad enough.
Again, and I can’t stress this enough, this is one of the most poorly acted films I’ve ever seen. It is laughable. How much that is “bad material begets bad performances”, I don’t know.
But, the exception is Lara Flynn Boyle, who is actually solid in her debut, so I don’t think the material is entirely to blame. They just cast the film weirdly. There is a reason that none of the other teenage actors and (especially) the psychiatrist really acted in anything even close to the level of this film.
The film isn’t scary.
Some of the effects were pretty good though. Lara Flynn Boyle coming out of the crumbling Zelda Rubinstein model was actually quite cool. And while very obvious as to how it was done (and sometimes … it wasn’t done very well) the mirror motif and effects were at least fun.
There really isn’t a lot to the film, but the whole idea of all this stuff being some hallucination caused by child genius Carol Anne is absurd.
They say the name “Carol Anne” a billion times, and yeah, it is pretty funny. It is mostly funny when Zelda Rubinstein does it because she does it over and over in some scenes. Most of the other occurrences are just Kane whispering sinisterly.
Plot Hole Alert!! So … what happened to Scott? You see that he is maybe his mirror image, and him and mirror image Lara Flynn Boyle go back into the mirror. But at the end only Lara Flynn Boyle is saved from the mirror universe. So was Scott killed?
Because this is actually important. As crazy as it sounds the body count for the entirety of the Poltergeist series is either one (Dr. Seaton who is certainly killed by mirror image Lara Flynn Boyle by being pushed down an elevator shaft), or two if Scott indeed died. But it is almost impossible to tell.
Setting as a Character (Where?) for Chicago, set in a new skyscraper there. And MacGuffin (Why?) for Carol Anne as usual for the Poltergeist series. It isn’t really a twist in the end, because didn’t we all know that Kane just wanted to be guided to the afterlife? Seemed obvious. So incredibly BMT it is hard to articulate, the film is absurdly bad in multiple ways.
Read all about the ultimate sequel Poltergeist III: Part 2: The Mirror in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Seeing as Poltergeist III is a Daddio Special (a film that aired on September 1st, 1990) and Poltergeist II got dangerously close to a Twin Special (airing on October 3rd, 1991) I think I’ll just hop on over to October 9th, 1991 and see what we could have watched just six days after Poltergeist II for the Twin Special Celebration Spectacular. The answer seems obvious. Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood is not-so-secretly my favorite of the franchise and seems like a nice pairing with Poltergeist II which is… not my favorite Poltergeist film (spoiler alert). I have to admit it’s kind of hard to pass up The Sicilian, a Michael Cimino flop starring BMT fave Christopher Lambert and I have to shine a light on the short listings description written for past BMT film Shanghai Surprise: “Flat, watery egg-drop soup. Two at sea, by land.” Give The Times a god damn Pulitzer. It’s like a poem.
To recap, the Freelings are back, Jack! And now they’re sad! After the ghostly events of the first film, the family has moved into Diane’s mother’s house. They are poor because their house disappeared into nothing and the insurance company doesn’t cover that. Despite that (and the grandma who is all like “I know why you have ghosts. It’s because we’re ghost people.”) they are doing OK. That is until a creepy old-timey pastor comes stalking about looking for Carol Anne. Turns out there is a very detailed explanation for all the events of the first film (great!) that also doesn’t make much sense in the context of the first film (less great!). Basically this ghost pastor, Kane, was a crazy cult leader who went into the caves beneath the family’s house and killed themselves… so forget all that cemetery mumbo jumbo we told you about before. Grandma dies and everyone is sad and things are looking dire cause Kane is growing stronger. Thankfully a Native American shaman, Taylor, shows up to whip them into poltergeist battling shape. They seem to be doing OK until Taylor leaves. Kane shows up and they barely escape with their lives. They decide to battle Kane where he lives so they go to the caves and all get warped into the other side. From there it. Gets. Crazy. Like psychedelic bullshit. Almost unbelievable that there was a moment where you could sit in a theater and watch it with a bunch of people. It’s that ridiculous. Anyway, Craig T. Nelson gets thrown a spear by Taylor and he kills Kane with it. Carol Anne almost slips into the afterlife but good ol’ grandma shows up and is like “don’t worry ‘bout it.” THE END.
I think this entry in the series is specifically hurt by being the sequel to the much better Poltergeist. Some really good special effects (even nominated for an Oscar, which is something considering the reviews for the film itself) and a totally bonkers ending would have done quite well in the first of a lower budget series. Like a Wishmaster or Pumpkinhead. You could have imagined it garnering a loyal cult following in that context. But that’s hard to do when you are rehashing and rearranging aspects of a first (better) movie. So if you want to see a mediocre to slightly below average horror film with some wild and crazy stuff mixed in, then you just might be in the cult of Poltergeist II and you can refer to it as The Other Side and never compare it to the first one.
Hot Take Clam Bake! The lore in this film is actually better than the original. The first film is all about how the neighborhood they live in was built on top of a cemetery. They moved the headstones but not the bodies. I don’t get it though because they specifically go out of their way to say that the neighborhood allows you to do whatever you want on your property and our main characters are actively in the process of building a pool. So… where are all these bodies they should be digging up? Am I missing something? At the end we see them all up in that pool and popping out of the ground. So where were they before and why did it only impact the Freelings’ house? It really doesn’t make sense. Kane’s death cult burying themselves alive under the house and being activated by the family’s hereditary supernatural abilities somehow is the better explanation. So there you have it. Poltergeist II is the better movie. Hot Take Temperature: Swimming Pool.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Poltergeist II: The Other Side? More like Polter-gross Boo: Run and Hide. I mean … long title that kind of works. I should have just left it at Polter-gross Boo though. That’s killer. Let’s go!
The main thing this film has going for it is that it still has JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson, who both continue to be great despite the decidedly sillier premise of the sequel.
It is a little shocking that even though they lampshaded the “Indian burial ground” explanation in the first film they … kind of do it for the second? They basically suggest that the bad guy, Kane, was a preacher who was butting heads with the local native people prior to him killing himself and his flock. It is much closer, an odd choice.
Taylor is fine in the film, but again, I just wish they hadn’t gone in the direction they did with the film with Kane.
I should probably get into Kane. Kane is to Poltergeist II and Jason is to Friday the 13th: Part II. He’s an attempt to tack from a defeated enemy of a hit horror film to something a bit more sustainable for a franchise. But yet, Kane is never ever discussed in the terms of horror villains. It is bizarre. Kane is, due to the sequels, inexorably a giant part of the franchise. And yet, you only vaguely hear about “They’re heeeeeeeeeere” and the vague notion of a house built on a cemetery. Nothing about Kane.
He’s an odd character. Honestly, he would have been a good character if he was hinted at at all in the first film.
Isn’t that the problem? The first film has a beautiful explanation that is tied up in the corporate greed of the time (“You moved the tombstones, but you didn’t move the bodies! Didn’t you!?”). They seem to indicate that there is kind of collective of lost souls on the other side which is tempting Carol Anne, which JoBeth Williams has to combat. I don’t know, the beauty of an explanation being unnecessary is a huge part of the charm of the film.
The second one, suddenly the house is built on top of a cemetery which is built on top of a chamber where a cult killed themselves? Now there is a preacher ghost named Kane who is obsessed with Carol Anne? Native Americans are tied up into the story? The film isn’t really that bad, but it isn’t good either.
As far as effects, some are quite good. I thought the braces monster was interesting, and a few of the larger effects as well. A lot is made of the vomit monster, but that was the least impressive to me. Clearly a triple or quadruple amputee in a costume. If they had went stop motion / reversing for some of the build up of the creature (a la Hellraiser) then it would be more impressive.
I guess I’ll throw half a review for the first film here: Loved it. The ability of Spielberg to get performances of very young actors is second to none. And for a film with a grand total of zero deaths, Poltergeist is funny in all the right places, and tense in all the right places, and surprising and unique, etc. I really liked it.
I think this qualifies for a Setting as a Character (Where?) for California. And honestly, I think Carol Anne is the living embodiment of the reverse MacGuffin (Why?) which I’ve just coined. It is basically the thing in a horror film where there is no explanation as to why the villains desperately want the person or thing, but boy golly do they want Carol Anne. This is probably closest to Good if I’m being honest, it still has enough of the original’s charm to coast on it, and some good special effects.
Read about the sequel Poltergeist III: Part 1: The Cult in the Quiz. Cheerios,
and super spooky this time. And yeah, I might have got bopped in the head by a coffee cup and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist III?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) So … why is Carol Anne in Chicago again?
2) Oooooooooh … I guess that makes sense. Well what real spooooooooky things are happening there on the day of Skerritt’s skyscraper grand opening?
3) In this film, naturally, we learn Carol Anne is both a genius and considered so disturbed as to be under the care of a psychiatrist. What does he believe is happening with Carol Anne and the hauntings?
4) As a matter of fact, I think it is time. How many people total died during the entirety of the original Poltergeist trilogy?
Oh man, so get this. I was taken to The Other Side. NBD. But turns out, it’s just like a place you float around. Anyways, something bopped me right on the head, and now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist II: The Other Side?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with Carol Anne’s family living with her grandmother. Why? Like why specifically can’t they find another house to live in?
2) In the last movie Carol Anne speaks to the evil entity through the television. In this film what does she (kind of) use to communicate with them instead (since the family doesn’t have a television anymore)?
3) A Native American man by the name of Taylor shows up to help them. Why? Also, what event ultimately makes them trust him?
Bad Movie Twins 