I wonder exactly how many demon questions I can do in this quiz … Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Todd McFarlane is famous for writing many comics including Spawn. Born in Calgary, Alberta, he also was at one point a co-owner of a hockey team, but not the Calgary Flames. What team did he co-own?
2) You couldn’t possibly make a Spawn film without a song by The Prodigy. Name either of their UK number-one singles.
3) The Violator is plagued by John Leguizamo in the film. Famously he classed with Steven Seagal in what film, a rare example of Seagal dying on film?
4) In the beginning of the film Al Simmons is sent on a mission to destroy a biochemical weapons plant in North Korea. Now … remember the Korean War, and MacArthur. I shall return, all that. What kind of pipe did MacArthur very famously pose with in many photos?
5) It has something to do with this movie, tangentially, but what is Tel Megiddo / why is it famous?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: A BMT oversight that is kind of unimaginable:
So despite his best efforts, Patrick avoided departing on an extended BMTverse adventure and yet still missed out on his real world adventure with Sly Stallone. “So he was here?” Patrick asks Kyle, who nods, the memory twinkling in his eye. “And you watched Cobra and Cobra 2: Crimedemic with him?” Kyle shakes his head and Patrick lets out a sigh of relief. That would have been too much for his heart to handle. “It was also Tango & Cash.” Patrick grasps for a nearby telephone pole to steady himself and instead finds himself grasping onto the rock hard bicep of Jamie. “We just wanted to come over and thank you,” Jamie says, cuddling up to Samantha. “That 2003 Celtics themed dinner consisting of PB&J sandwiches was exactly what I needed to tell Samantha how I truly feel.” When Jamie pauses to look over at Samantha, Patrick smiles a little. Maybe the four steps hadn’t been quite as easy as he had advertised, but the proof was in the pudding and that pudding was the love… true love… that he could now see shining in Jamie’s eyes. “But,” Jamie continues, “I was selfish in thinking only about myself when it came to this themed dinner. Perhaps not everyone wants a dinner themed entirely around the 2003 Boston Celtics.” Samantha squeezes his hand reassuringly, but Jamie presses on. “No, no I think we want another dinner and this time I want to make sure it’s something we both want.” Patrick is pleased. He starts to imagine what he could do culinarily around themes such as World Peace or A Summer Picnic. Even as his mind whirls around the many possibilities, Jamie and Samantha look at each other and simultaneously belt out the chosen theme: 1997’s Spawn. What thuuuuu… That’s right! We are watching Spawn. I remember watching this film when it came out and loving it. Thought it was hilarious. I was eleven. Nice. Less nice is we are pairing this with An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn as our Bring a Friend. One of the many films that makes you look at the Razzies and go “seriously?”. Let’s go!
Spawn (1997) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 66
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.2%; Higher BMeT: Batman & Robin, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Home Alone 3, Steel, Mr. Magoo, Double Team, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Chairman of the Board; Higher Notability: Batman & Robin, Speed 2: Cruise Control, The Saint, Dante’s Peak, The Jackal, The Relic, The Postman, Flubber; Lower RT: Plump Fiction, The Peacekeeper, The Blackout, Fall, McHale’s Navy, Gone Fishin’, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, The Pest, ‘Til There Was You, An American Werewolf in Paris, Shadow Conspiracy, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag, Dangerous Ground, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, Steel, Mr. Magoo, Keys to Tulsa, Double Team, Chairman of the Board, and 15 more; Notes: I’m quite surprised by Batman & Robin (56 times on cable) and Speed 2: Cruise Control (64 times on cable). It must have been around this time people realized you could make boatloads putting relatively bad movies on cable a ton. Six of nine for the higher BMeT films, so this makes 7 of the top 10. The other three are, not surprisingly, the three kids’ films.
RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – “Spawn” is best seen as an experimental art film. It walks and talks like a big budget horror film, heavy on special effects and pitched at the teenage audience, and maybe that’s how it will be received. But it’s more impressive if you ignore the genre and just look at what’s on the screen. What we have here are creators in several different areas doing their best to push the envelope. The subject is simply an excuse for their art–just as it always is with serious artists.
(Wow, incredible review. I don’t necessarily disagree only because McFarlane is all about pushing the envelope, so it makes sense in a way. I still think the movie is pretty dumb and the acting bad though.)
(On the verge of creation? What does that mean? By the way, this trailer could not be darker. And at times there is a strange white box on top and bottom, and the entire thing is in 4:3? Something tells me this isn’t the official trailer. It really really sucks.)
Directors – Mark A.Z. Dippé – ( Known For: Marmaduke; The Reef 2: High Tide; The Boxcar Children; The Boxcar Children – Surprise Island; BMT: Spawn; Notes: He was mostly a visual effects artist. This was pretty much his first directed film.)
Writers – Todd McFarlane – ( Known For: Spider-Man 3; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Venom: The Last Dance; Future BMT: Venom; BMT: Spawn; Notes: Won an Emmy for the animated HBO series of Spawn.)
Alan B. McElroy – ( Known For: Wrong Turn; Fractured; Wrong Turn; Tekken; Rapid Fire; Thr3e; Future BMT: The Perfect Guy; BMT: Spawn; Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; The Marine; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Left Behind: The Movie; Notes: Rapid Fire was a Brandon Lee film. We will obviously be watching The Crow this year since the bizarre remake is coming out.)
Mark A.Z. Dippé – ( Notes: This was his only real writing effort. He has something in development called Wicked City which sounds fake.)
Actors – Michael Jai White – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; Dragged Across Concrete; Black Dynamite; Blood and Bone; Freaky Deaky; 2 Days in the Valley; Why Did I Get Married?; Accident Man; Triple Threat; Falcon Rising; Skin Trade; Black Friday; Breakfast of Champions; Generation Iron; The Toxic Avenger Part II; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; City of Industry; Tactical Force; The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie; Vigilante Diaries; Future BMT: Why Did I Get Married Too?; Ringmaster; BMT: Universal Soldier; Spawn; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze; Exit Wounds; Universal Soldier: The Return; On Deadly Ground; Notes: Yeah, we’ve seem him in a lot of things. We even saw him in weird things like the Sudden Death sequel. Let’s plan on Ballistic at some point.)
John Leguizamo – ( Known For: John Wick; Ice Age; John Wick: Chapter 2; The Menu; Die Hard 2; Moulin Rouge!; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Encanto; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; The Lincoln Lawyer; Romeo + Juliet; Chef; Carlito’s Way; Doctor Dolittle; Violent Night; Land of the Dead; American Ultra; Assault on Precinct 13; The Infiltrator; Sisters; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Counselor; Ice Age: Collision Course; The Fan; Out for Justice; Love in the Time of Cholera; Revenge; Miracle at St. Anna; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Playing with Fire; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; The Pest; Empire; The Honeymooners; Whispers in the Dark; BMT: The Happening; Gamer; Ride Along; Repo Men; Righteous Kill; Collateral Damage; Spawn; Super Mario Bros.; One for the Money; Notes: Nominated for two and one one Emmy for his stand up special Freak. Then he’s been nominated for two recent miniseries in Waco and When They See Us. The Fan is probably the movie I’m most excited to eventually see by him.)
Martin Sheen – ( Known For: The Departed; Catch Me If You Can; Apocalypse Now; The Amazing Spider-Man; The Amazing Spider-Man 2; Gandhi; JFK; Wall Street; Seeking a Friend for the End of the World; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Selma; Judas and the Black Messiah; Badlands; The Dead Zone; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; The American President; Bobby; The Way; Gettysburg; The Double; Future BMT: Love Happens; The Believers; Hear No Evil; BMT: Spawn; Firestarter; Lost & Found; Notes: He was nominated for ten Emmys (and a few Daytime Emmys). He only won one, for a guest spot on Murphy Brown. The funniest cable movie I found was Boca which appears to be a dumb 9 1/2 Weeks knockoff.)
(I mean, worldwide maybe, although given the year it probably didn’t do that well. Pretty close to breaking even, probably did on rental and home video in the end.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (8/47): Spawn is an overbearing, over-violent film that adds little to the comic book adaptation genre.
(Over violent is a bit weird I suppose. That does add something to the comic book adaptation genre. This was a fairly abnormal R-rated comic book movie.)
Reviewer Highlight: A moodily malevolent, anything-goes revenge fantasy that relies more upon special visual and digitally animated effects for its intended appeal than any comics-derived sci-fier to date. – Todd McCarthy, Variety
(I’d have been excited for this film. It looks cool. Nice font. Overall it does the job and it does it efficiently. B+)
Tagline(s) – Born in darkness. Sworn to justice. (B)
(Sure. It’s not the most clever of taglines. I also quibble a little with it. I’m not a Spawn expert but I’m not sure I’d categorize his work (particularly in this film) as being “sworn to justice.” He’s still hellspawn, no? Anyway, this has some flow to it and is concise. Not bad even if possibly a bit inaccurate.)
Keyword(s) – 1991-1999
Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)
Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 58.0 Holy Man (1998)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …
Best Options (1997-1997): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 57.6 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 57.6 Flubber (1997), 54.4 Gone Fishin’ (1997), 53.1 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.4 The Pest (1997), 51.6 Kull the Conqueror (1997), …
(Obviously the best option from 1997. I wouldn’t have been opposed to something like The Pest though. That’s a weird as fuck movie too.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Leguizamo is No. 3 billed in Spawn and No. 4 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 4) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Martin Sheen agreed to star in this movie because he always wanted to star in a comic book movie. He later played another comic book role, Uncle Ben in The Amazing Spider-Man (2012).
John Leguizamo ate live waxworms on pizza for this film. He then vomited immediately after the take was wrapped.
Tim Burton was the original choice to direct.
Michael Jai White found Al Simmons’ character appealing; he described Spawn as “the most tragic character I’ve encountered in any cinematic production.” He says it was a challenge to make audiences sympathize with a government assassin who comes back from hell. White had to endure two to four hours of make-up work, including a full glued-on bodysuit, yellow contact lenses that irritated his eyes, and a mask that restricted his breathing. He said that his long-time experience with martial arts helped him endure the uncomfortable prosthetics, giving him “strong will and unbreakable concentration.”
Michael Jai White was actually set on fire for one scene.
Major League: Back to the Minors has one specific BMT muscle it can flex and it better flex it because (hooooo doggy) that movie doesn’t have any other BMT leg to stand on. If you right now wanted to watch Major League: Back to the Minors you could. You would have to pay about $4 to stream it, but you could do that. We don’t like to do that at BMTHQ. Why not? Because we are brary bros and we support our local public library system. It’s a beautiful thing to engage in the community and receive the treasure that is a DVD and Blu-ray’s in the mail. It brings a tear to my eye. So could we do that with Major League: Back to the Minors? No. Not a single hard copy of the film exists in my library system or Patrick’s. It’s rare, but it does happen. Our local libraries looked at Major League: Back to the Minors, assessed its value to the community and said “nah.” Were we deterred? No! I sent out the brary bro signal to the heavens and got it from a different library system through a third brary bro. All this to say, you too can be a brary bro. Thanks Brary Bro Network (BBN)!
To recap, uh… Dorn is back, Jack?! I guess our boy Dorn didn’t learn his lesson from briefly owning the Indians and now he owns the Twins. He brings in Gus Cantrell as the coach of their AAA team, The Buzz. Gus is an aging pitcher on his last legs, but he knows what it takes to make a team. He ain’t taking guff from anyone, even his star player. Tanaka is back. Pedro is back. Rube is back. Some other guys. The minor league team is naturally a mess, in part because they are a bunch of misfits (you don’t say) and in part because they don’t work together (you don’t double say). Gus has a rivalry with the Twins manager, Leonard Huff, and as his team shapes up he finds himself challenging the Twins to an exhibition. They end up playing the Twins strong and Huff decides to shut off the stadium lights rather than risk losing. Everyone kind of knows the Twins choked and so Huff calls up the Buzz’s star player, Billy Anderson. Gus insists he’s not ready, but ultimately Billy chooses to go. Gus is able to rally his team and when Billy is sent back down, Gus helps him become a better player. Gus ends up challenging Huff again. The bet? If the Twins win, Huff gets Gus’s salary. If the Buzz win, Gus becomes the Twins manager. Long story short the Buzz win (duh), but Gus is like “I’d rather coach in the minors and not make way more money and shit. Whatever.” THE END.
Woooooooooooooof. This is an anti-comedy. Were there jokes? I can’t remember. My brain refused to comprehend that this was a film that was worth ingesting. No wonder the library systems didn’t have copies of this film. It probably acts like a black hole and sucks up and destroys the films that surround it. This really feels like a film where jokes were written and then some baseball consultant came in and removed them in order to add more baseball details. There is so much discussion of baseball strategy and it’s soooo booorrrrring. This is the most useless film of all time. Who wanted this? Why was this released to theaters? The fact that this qualified for BMT puts our whole venture into question. We must forget this happened. Trash this one. Junk it.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Gus would take the Twins job. This was a dude trying to pull a “frozen ball” trick in Class A+. He was no where near playing seriously anymore and had no managing experience. The fact that he is called on to manage a AAA team is a miracle. The fact that his team pulls another miracle and beats the Twins should let him know that it’s A-OK to take the money and hightail it to the majors. Once he’s a Major League manager he is set. Huge mistake. HUGE. Hot Take Temperature: A Minnesota summer.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *gif of me sitting in Twins Stadium very confused as to why the team is playing a Minor League team and people give a shit about an exhibition game* Let’s go!
Check out the Major League II recap to learn about the delight that is Major League.
Alright, where to even begin. I suppose I should start with the good. There isn’t much. I enjoyed seeing a young Walter Goggins. And I liked the dumb ways they decided to bring people back even though the main character is a totally different person and the team isn’t even in the same system as the other films so that doesn’t even make a lick of sense.
The bad. I mean, the movie makes no sense. We are talking about minor league baseball here. No one cares about this. The idea that a minor league team goes on a tear and people are all jazzed up about it is nuts.
Equally nutty is the fact that people in Minnesota seem to care about the Twins (heyyyyyyooooooooooo). But for real, the idea that a sports fanbase would hate their coach so much they would actively root for their own farm team in a meaningless exhibition and like cheer the coach on in a restaurant. I lived through the Bobby Valentine era of the Red Sox and you’d just check out.
So mainly the bad is that the film is just incredibly dumb and nonsensical. It is a very light watch, but not one I would repeat.
So no I don’t really think it is a very BMT film. The second is. This is just the death throws of a series trying to figure out if a trilogy is even possible.
I’m still going to throw a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Minnesota here, I have no idea why they changed the team up except probably so they could play the final game in the Metrodome. Again a Worst Twist (How?) for the totally out of nowhere result that the good guys win and the bad guys lose. The film is Bad.
I assume we’ll learn all about Minor League baseball in the Quiz. Cheerios,
I was just thinking the other day how infrequently I rewatch movies. If you look at films made from 2010 onwards I think I’ve only seen four or five more than once. This of course is totally different from the heyday of Comedy Central. I watched Major League and Major League II so many times that they legit melded into one three and a half hour movie in my head. Tanaka is in Major League as far as my brain is concerned. How did Jake both bunt to win the pennant and coach the ALCS? Parkman was the bad guy in both films, right? RIGHT?! This is just a byproduct of how we consume movies and how you can pretty much watch everything you want at the push of a button. Is that better? I can only assume so since if I grew up now I wouldn’t have watched Major League II a million times.
To recap, Wild Thang is back, Jack! What’s that? Wild Thing wasn’t really the main character of the first film? That’s true, but we need the young blood to take over as a romantic lead (wolf whistle, wolf whistle). It’s a new year and lucky for us viewers the team is back to their hilarious, hapless ways. Pedro is now a Buddhist. Willie Mays Hayes is an action star and wants to be a power hitter (not to mention having some botched plastic surgery that has left him looking like a totally different person). Wild Thing has a publicist GF that has him concerned about his bad boy image. Worst of all Jake Taylor is even older and being replaced by his nemesis Jack Parkman and a loveable dummy Rube. After the team is sold to former player Roger Dorn (ha!) they tell Jake he’s going to stay on as a coach. Things… they don’t go well. Parkman is almost immediately dugout poison and is traded for a Japanese player named Tanaka. Dorn, since it’s laughable he was able to buy a team in the first place, immediately has to sell it back to Rachel Phelps from the first movie. Again threatening to move the team (seriously?) the coach Lou has a heart attack and Jake has to take over. Things hit rock bottom with a big fight, which in turn sparks passion and a hot streak that takes them back to the postseason. Meanwhile Vaughn struggles with his uptight GF and a previously unmentioned ex-GF who liked his bad boy energy. In Game 7 of the ALCS, Vaughn is called out from the bullpen having regained his edge and smokes Parkman to win… presumably to lose in the World Series. THE END.
It’s amazing how many of the iconic Major League things I remember from my youth actually come from this, to be perfectly frank, much much worse sequel. So it has a lot of moments to remember, for sure. It just pales in comparison to the first film, which on rewatch is kind of perfect. It feels so authentic in its baseball team comedy kind of way. Rated R… is that for violence or nudity or anything? No. Not even the slightest. It’s simply because a bunch of ball players are talking like ball players. It’s kind of amazing. The second one just kind of sucks from the jump. Of course this is in part because they try to recapture the magic of the first film, but it feels like they ended up shrugging their shoulders. How do you take a team that just went to the ALCS and make it seem plausible they now suck again and might move? Any and every way possible. Doesn’t matter how hackneyed.They also made the movie PG! It’s insane. At one point Wild Thing (Wild Thing!) asks his ex-GF out to talk and they go on a pizza date. Are they 15? It’s a kids movie. It has no marbles.
Hot Take Clam Bake! While it may seem that I denigrated pizza right there by implying that I didn’t want a za date in my movie, that is wrong! I love pizza! In fact I’ll go a step further and say unequivocally that pizza… it’s good. I know, I know. Hot take. But it’s true. Bread. Tomato sauce, Cheese. A variety of toppings. Good. Tasty. I enjoy it. But also, wholesome. I enjoy eating za with my family on a Sunday night. If Rick Vaughn aka Wild Thing busted into my living room asking for some of that za I might be concerned. He’s a bad boy. He might punch me. He might eat all the za. He might, in fact, engage in a variety of not-very-PG behavior. Might be downright R-rated. You see where I’m going with this? Pizza: good. Pizza and Rick Vaughn aka Wild Thing: not good. Hot Take Temperature: A piping hot slice of za.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *gif of me walking out the door to BMTHQ while Wild Thing plays on blast and everyone cheers, I’m back baby!* Let’s go!
Here’s the thing … Major League is a very fun film, and an incredible cable film from the 90s. It played over 100 times on television and I’ve probably seen bits and pieces of the first a dozen times. It is fun and dumb and sure a bit racist but still fun. It just harkens back to a time when baseball was important you know?
The second one … well. Let’s start with the good. Berenger is fun. Uh, it is like one of those sequels which is just identical to the original. That was a very very 90s thing that is somewhat fun to revisit. That’s the good
The bad? Well, the film is somehow even more racist than the first! Specifically there is now a Japanese player which is hanging with Haysbert which is pretty startling to see in 2024. I actually wonder, is the character just a response to Japanese players entering the MLB? Or is it some knock-on effect of the general fear of the Japanese takeover that was still reverberating through Hollywood scripts or something? Who knows.
And then the entire thing is also inevitable, but with no tension since you know the eeeeeeeevil baseball player has to be defeated in the end.
Did I mention that Charlie Sheen’s character tries to go straight throughout the film much to his dirtbag fanbase’s chagrin. And he has an embarrassing apartment, a whole girlfriend character we’ve never met before, and a rehashed storyline whereby he wants to save his career by throwing changeups and shit.
The film is genuinely very bad … but in a pretty amusing way. Outside of the racism. That isn’t amusing.
In the end then yeah, I think this is a pretty entertainingly bad film. And it is nice that we are working through our baseball bad movies. Actually … I’m going to check that.
So yeah, I don’t really count the baseball keyword from IMDb (but like … I’m looking at you Hook). But even just looking at the wikipedia we have a few left. How Do You Know from 2010, in which someone gets cut from the Softball Olympic Team. The Scout, The Fan, Mr. Baseball, The Slugger’s Wife, Little Big League, Brewster’s Millions, Mr. Destiny, Taking Care of Business, Stealing Home, and The Final Season. Jesus, we have a lot of baseball films left.
There is an actual in-movie Product Placement (What?) for Right Guard that Charlie Sheen is in. Obviously, still a Setting as a Character (Where?) for the always hapless Cleveland, Ohio. And, sure a Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious result that the team unexpectedly makes the World Series in the end. This film is hilariously BMT IMO, just aggravatingly weird dumb.
Learn all about Celeveland and sports in the Quiz I assume. Cheerios,
Oh man, I guess I’m going to have to learn about minor league baseball … that sounds like no fun if I’m being honest. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The film’s finale takes place in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. For whom was Hubert Humphrey vice-president?
2) The first film was written by David S. Ward, and he is still talking about making a proper third film and banishing this one to the Phantom Zone. Ward was nominated for two films. One, a caper film from 1973, and the other a romantic comedy from 1993. Name either.
3) Minor League baseball. We’ve seen a film about Minor League Baseball (kind of, Summer League Baseball really). Summer Catch with Freddie Prinze Jr. What league did they play in in that film?
4) The song Turning Japanese by the Vapors featured heavily in the film. It also features in another film starring Chris Farely. Can you name that film?
5) Walter Goggins played Billy ‘Downtown’ Anderson in the film. He has also been nominated for two Emmys. One for Justified. And another more recently for a popular television show based on a video game. Name that show/video game.
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Going up against Back to the Minors’ primetime debut was this sequel. The original, in a funny connection, starred Tom Berenger. What is the original film called?
Sports right? I’m definitely going to learn about sports. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Well, we’ll get to sports. First, in a fun reference there is a business in the film called Emilio’s [BLANK] Service, named after an Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton movie. What word fills in the blank?
2) Alex Cox directed Repo Man, and also the film Walker about William Walker, the famous … filibuster? Turns out that is a name given to people during the Manifest Destiny era of the United States who went into neighboring countries and established colonies in preparation for annexation. Walker was notably the president of what country for a brief time?
3) Wild Thing was listed as number 257 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time in 2004. Who performed the most famous rendition of this song?
4) The Cleveland Indians are now the Cleveland Guardians. What are they named after?
5) And further, the Cleveland Guardians were originally the Grand Rapids Rustlers. Between 1900 and 1914 the team was the Cleveland [BLANK], name any one of the four other names (not Indians or Guardians) the team took on during that period.
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: On March 4th, 1995, Major League II premiered primetime on HBO. At the same time, on channel 55, this film played:
Patrick scans the crowd of BMTverse denizens that surrounded him in The Waste, all ready to send him on whatever ludicrous adventure they had in mind. Stonewall Jackson? Nah. Pistachio Disguisey? Definitely not. The Punisher? He shakes his head. Suddenly, far in the back he finds what he’s looking for. “You!” Patrick yells, pointing at Freddie Prinze Jr. “Which one are you?” he asks seriously. “My name’s Ryan Dunne and I seem to have lost my stuff. If you could just…’ At this point Patrick cuts him off. “Great, perfect. You got your glove and a ball? Great, nice.” He moves people out of the way and stands approximately 60 feet from FPJ. “The best way to get back your stuff is to believe in yourself. It’s been inside you the whole time, etc. etc.” At that, Patrick bends over, still looking at FPJ. “Now show me what you got,” Patrick says, waggling his head at the ready for a fastball directly to his dome. FPJ shrugs his shoulders and despite some questionable mechanics delivers a strike that knocks Patrick on his ass.
Patrick awakens and as his vision clears he’s shocked to see the marquee of the wildlife theater come back into view. Cobra is now properly playing, but that’s not the shocking part. Below that are the words “Cobra 2: Crimedemic, World Premier!” He turns to Kyle and asks whether he’s still dreaming. Kyle shakes his head and pats him on the back. “You were glorious,” he assures Patrick without elaborating on how exactly he helped make this a reality. The owner of the theater rushes up to him and pumps his hand enthusiastically. “We made it. My little theater has finally made the major leagues thanks to you and, of course, your best friend Sly Stallone.” That’s right! We are going back to back again, Jack. Major League is one of the best sports comedies of all time. Major League II is not. Major League: Back to the Minors is… also not. Let’s go!
Major League: Back to the Minors (1998) – BMeTric: 52.3; Notability: 41
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 4.0%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.4%; Higher BMeT: The Avengers, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, Species II, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, The Patriot, Lost in Space, Knock Off, Holy Man, Ringmaster, Godzilla; Higher Notability: Godzilla, Lost in Space, 54, Deep Rising, Soldier, Patch Adams, U.S. Marshals, Mercury Rising, Jack Frost, Great Expectations, Senseless, My Giant, Practical Magic, Mafia!, The Avengers, Species II, The Waterboy, The Replacement Killers, Phantoms, Wrongfully Accused, and 17 more; Lower RT: 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, A Murder of Crows, The Curve, Lulu on the Bridge, The Avengers, Almost Heroes, Tarzan and the Lost City, Senseless, Strangeland, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Species II, Phantoms, Knock Off, Woo, Meet the Deedles, A Night at the Roxbury, The Proposition, Firestorm, Holy Man, Hush, and 25 more; Notes: Played 23 times on cable in the 90s. Ridiculous. If you look at all of the higher BMeT films, that is actually quite high (tied with The Avengers for the most). We are also 12 of 15 for those films for BMT which is amazing. We really have crushed the late 90s. Holy Man is the big blind spot really, Ringmaster and the 3 Ninjas sequels are kind of not movies.
Variety – This third outing in the “Major League” series, which opened unceremoniously without press screenings, won’t set any box office records.
(My god! I wonder how many of the BMT films we’ve done didn’t do press screenings. That would be something that is probably impossible to figure out.)
(Jesus, the baseball trill at the beginning is so loud! I don’t get this film. Remember that film that you liked? And the sequel you … tolerated. This is a totally different team with all the most aggravating characters being the only ones we brought back.)
Directors – John Warren – ( BMT: Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Oh wow, he directed and wrote the very early Pauly Shore film The Curse of the Inferno. How wild. Played like 10 times on television too improbably.)
Writers – David S. Ward – ( Known For: The Sting; Sleepless in Seattle; Major League; The Program; The Milagro Beanfield War; Cannery Row; I’ll Find You; Steelyard Blues; Saving Grace; Future BMT: Flyboys; King Ralph; The Sting II; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: This would just be for the characters I imagine from the originals. The Program is a wild film which I will be watching soon. Remember all the controversy surrounding that? Read about it.)
John Warren – ( Known For: Naked in New York; Flashfire; Girl in the Cadillac; BMT: Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Flashfire starring Billy Zane with Harry. I genuinely kind of watch to watch it, it is probably terrible enough to be a friend.)
Actors – Scott Bakula – ( Known For: American Beauty; Source Code; The Informant!; Life as a House; Behind the Candelabra; Lord of Illusions; Cats Don’t Dance; Geography Club; My Family/Mi familia; Elsa & Fred; The Captains; Basmati Blues; Summertime; Me Him Her; Divinity; Enter the Dangerous Mind; A Passion to Kill; Future BMT: Necessary Roughness; Sibling Rivalry; BMT: Color of Night; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Nominated for five Emmys, four times for Quantum Leap, and for Behind the Candelabra. Again, I genuinely kind of want to watch A Passion to Kill, a weirdo obscure 90s thriller.)
Corbin Bernsen – ( Known For: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Major League; The Big Year; King Kong; The Hating Game; Lay the Favorite; The Dentist; The Great White Hype; Tales from the Hood; S.O.B.; The Dentist 2; Suing the Devil; Clambake; Disorganized Crime; Dead Air; Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist; Sunrise in Heaven; Christian Mingle; Three the Hard Way; Roe v. Wade; Future BMT: Shattered; Radioland Murders; Hello Again; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: All of his future BMT are lame, but like … The Dentist series will have to be done in some capacity at some point. The Franchise Man demands it.)
Dennis Haysbert – ( Known For: Heat; Wreck-It Ralph; Kung Fu Panda 2; Ted 2; Jarhead; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; Mr. Peabody & Sherman; Major League; Breach; Absolute Power; Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas; Far from Heaven; Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers; No Exit; Dear White People; Love & Basketball; Secret Obsession; Naked; Kodachrome; Experimenter; Future BMT: The Thirteenth Floor; Men, Women & Children; Think Like a Man Too; Playing with Fire; Mr. Baseball; Summer Camp; BMT: The Dark Tower; Fist Fight; Major League II; Random Hearts; Navy Seals; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: I’m surprised he wasn’t nominated even once for 24, the second season would have made a lot of sense. And wow, he was also in Mr. Baseball. So into baseball.)
Budget/Gross – $18 million / Domestic: $3,572,443 (Worldwide: $3,572,443)
(That is hilariously low, but not surprising. I remember renting this from All-Star Video. I suppose as a kid I watched the first two on television, and then this came out and I was like yes yes yes …. No! That’s my reaction when I watch it finally.)
(Honestly better than the second one. I’m not as embarrassed for this poster because they (rightfully) went back to the basics. That font on “Back to the Minors” though is unfortunate. I believe it is meant to convey that this isn’t your daddy’s Major League. C+)
Tagline(s) – They’re Just Nine Players Short of a Dream Team (A)
(Ha! It’s long but I feel like it can only lose the “Just” so I just have to admit defeat. This is a god damn masterpiece. I’m still chuckling about it! A tagline! Beautiful.)
Keyword(s) – 1991-1999
Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)
Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …
Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.2 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.1 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), …
(Someday we’ll smash out some Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and it will be … well not glorious, but it’ll be something. The first was one of the first films we watched in theaters as a kid. The first was Hook. I fell asleep.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 3 billed in Major League: Back to the Minors and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 15. If we were to watch Necessary Roughness, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.
Notes – Roger Dorn (Bernsen), Pedro Cerrano (Haysbert), Duke Temple (Yeager) and Harry Doyle (Uecker) are the only characters to appear in all three films in the Major League series.
In Roger Dorn’s Minnesota Twins owner suite, a number 4 Lou Collins jersey hangs in a case, a reference to Timothy Busfield’s character in Little Big League (1994).
Shot in early October in Charleston, South Carolina, 1997, during an unseasonably cool fall. All of the night scenes were made to look as though the games were being played during hot mid-summer nights, when in actuality, temperatures dipped into the 30’s.
The “South Carolina Buzz” were actually the Salt Lake Buzz – which was the Pacific Coast League farm team of the Minnesota Twins. Formerly the Portland Beavers, the franchise moved to Utah in 1994 and had 7 straight winning seasons. In 2001, the team became part of the Anaheim Angels organization under the name Salt Lake Stingers. Both team were named in honor of the Salt Lake Bees, who originally played in SLC on and off from 1915 to 1970. Since 2006, the team is once again called the Salt Lake Bees.
During a Milwaukee Brewers broadcast, Bob Uecker once talked about this film to his partner in the booth and asked him is he’d seen it. When the partner said he hadn’t, Uecker told him “Well don’t. That movie was so bad that it opened in airplanes the week we finished it.”
Patrick scans the crowd of BMTverse denizens that surrounded him in The Waste, all ready to send him on whatever ludicrous adventure they had in mind. Stonewall Jackson? Nah. Pistachio Disguisey? Definitely not. The Punisher? He shakes his head. Suddenly, far in the back he finds what he’s looking for. “You!” Patrick yells, pointing at Freddie Prinze Jr. “Which one are you?” he asks seriously. “My name’s Ryan Dunne and I seem to have lost my stuff. If you could just…’ At this point Patrick cuts him off. “Great, perfect. You got your glove and a ball? Great, nice.” He moves people out of the way and stands approximately 60 feet from FPJ. “The best way to get back your stuff is to believe in yourself. It’s been inside you the whole time, etc. etc.” At that, Patrick bends over, still looking at FPJ. “Now show me what you got,” Patrick says, waggling his head at the ready for a fastball directly to his dome. FPJ shrugs his shoulders and despite some questionable mechanics delivers a strike that knocks Patrick on his ass.
Patrick awakens and as his vision clears he’s shocked to see the marquee of the wildlife theater come back into view. Cobra is now properly playing, but that’s not the shocking part. Below that are the words “Cobra 2: Crimedemic, World Premier!” He turns to Kyle and asks whether he’s still dreaming. Kyle shakes his head and pats him on the back. “You were glorious,” he assures Patrick without elaborating on how exactly he helped make this a reality. The owner of the theater rushes up to him and pumps his hand enthusiastically. “We made it. My little theater has finally made the major leagues thanks to you and, of course, your best friend Sly Stallone.” That’s right! We are going back to back again, Jack. Major League is one of the best sports comedies of all time. Major League II is not. Major League: Back to the Minors is… also not. Let’s go!
Major League II (1994) – BMeTric: 42.5; Notability: 51
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 12.8%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Blank Check, and 12 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, North, Radioland Murders, The Pagemaster, I Love Trouble, On Deadly Ground, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, The Scout, Drop Zone, Blown Away, Speechless, Junior, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Baby’s Day Out, and 1 more; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame; Notes: Major League II was shown 67 times in the 90s, that’s pretty crazy. Compare that to 52 to Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, 6 for Street Fighter, and 10 for Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation. This is definitely a huuuuuuuuuge cable film around the time. You best belieb we’ve watched Silence of the Hams as well … on VHS. It is exclusive to VHS. Man, 1994 was a wild time.
RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Fans of “Major League” (1989) may want to see “Major League II.” I did not see the first film and am not in that category. Nor is there anything in “Major League II” that inspires me to go back and catch up on the earlier film. … There’s one bright spot: On the basis of this dismal attempt, the team will probably not be back next season.
(Ha! Wrong on that count. I can’t believe he didn’t see the first. It is a good film though, so I wonder if he ever did. There still isn’t a review of the original on the website.)
(Hahaha, the voice over. The number of people they replaced is sunny. Honestly Epps is arguably better than Snipes. But making the dumb fans a bigger deal with Randy Quaid is one of the many mistakes this film makes.)
Directors – David S. Ward – ( Known For: Major League; The Program; Cannery Row; Future BMT: Down Periscope; King Ralph; BMT: Major League II; Notes: Man, should I read Cannery Row? Steinbeck. Tempting. All of his directorial efforts were huge 90s television hits.)
Writers – David S. Ward – ( Known For: The Sting; Sleepless in Seattle; Major League; The Program; The Milagro Beanfield War; Cannery Row; I’ll Find You; Steelyard Blues; Saving Grace; Future BMT: Flyboys; King Ralph; The Sting II; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: He won the Oscar for The Sting, and was nominated for Sleepless in Seattle. King Ralph, we are coming for you.)
R.J. Stewart – ( Known For: The Rundown; And God Created Woman; BMT: Major League II; Notes: And God Created Woman seems like a ridiculous film. “Robin marries Billy to get out of jail” … how does that follow?)
Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein – ( Known For: Stay Tuned; Future BMT: Richie Rich; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Flintstones; Major League II; Notes: Stay Tuned is a wild wild film. And wait, Jeffery Jones was in that and Mom and Dad Save the World? Two ridiculous ideas.)
Actors – Charlie Sheen – ( Known For: Platoon; Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; Being John Malkovich; Wall Street; Hot Shots!; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Badlands; Major League; Young Guns; Red Dawn; The Arrival; Eight Men Out; The Chase; The Wraith; Lucas; Foodfight!; Beyond the Law; Good Advice; Cadence; Future BMT: Due Date; Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; Machete Kills; The Three Musketeers; Loaded Weapon 1; Money Talks; The Rookie; Men at Work; The Big Bounce; Madea’s Witness Protection; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Scary Movie V; Major League II; Navy Seals; Terminal Velocity; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys all for Two and a Half Men. Cadence. A real film starring Charlie and Martin Sheen that played on television 66 times in the 90s.)
Tom Berenger – ( Known For: Inception; Training Day; Platoon; Born on the Fourth of July; Faster; Major League; The Big Chill; Gettysburg; Eye See You; The Substitute; Shoot to Kill; The Sentinel; Brake; Someone to Watch Over Me; The Gingerbread Man; The Dogs of War; Bad Country; A Murder of Crows; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Eddie and the Cruisers; Future BMT: Sniper; Shattered; Chasers; Betrayed; Rustlers’ Rhapsody; BMT: Sliver; Major League II; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Platoon. I just watched him in Fear City. His hair was incredible, but not enough Billy Dee Williams.)
Corbin Bernsen – ( Known For: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Major League; The Big Year; King Kong; The Hating Game; Lay the Favorite; The Dentist; The Great White Hype; Tales from the Hood; S.O.B.; The Dentist 2; Suing the Devil; Clambake; Disorganized Crime; Dead Air; Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist; Sunrise in Heaven; Christian Mingle; Three the Hard Way; Roe v. Wade; Future BMT: Shattered; Radioland Murders; Hello Again; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for L.A. Law. He really was in some junk in the 90s. Like Aurora: Operation Intercept … what is that? Played 16 times on television, so it was a real film people could have watched.)
Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $30,626,182 (Worldwide: $30,626,182)
(That is terrible. Like … really terrible. The only odd thing is Major League only made $50 million. How did it become such a phenomenon. I would have definitely guessed it was one of those $100 million comedies of the 90s.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 5% (1/21): Striking out on every joke, Major League II is a lazy sequel that belongs on the bench.
(My god that is low. I’m not surprised. The film is genuinely quite racist and weird. It isn’t funny, and is just annoying. I guess I’m saying that the percentage makes sense.)
Reviewer Highlight: Baseball’s wild bunch from Cleveland take the field again. Plods ahead with cliches. Pleasantly predictable. – New York Times listings
(I’m actually embarrassed for this poster. At least it’s got that beautiful, beautiful font and crazy baseball mascot. C)
Tagline(s) – The dream team is back! (F)
(Nooooooooooooo! The dream team is back?! Nooooooooooo! I seriously would have given it a D if they added a “Jack” to the end.)
Keyword(s) – 1991-1999
Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)
Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …
Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.2 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.1 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …
(This is a bonus. Back to the Minors is the actual choice and is pretty solid. 50+. We did consider Children of the Corn at one point.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 4 billed in Major League II and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 14.
Notes – Baker’s inability to throw the ball back to the pitcher was based on former New York Mets catcher Mackey Sasser. Sasser was very successful at throwing out runners attempting to steal second, but had a mental block causing him to flinch several times when trying to throw the ball back to the pitcher. Many baserunners took advantage of this affliction and stole bases while he was triple pumping his throw, and/or lollipopping the throw back.
While Camden Yards doubled as Cleveland Municipal Stadium, scenes depicting Indians road games were filmed mostly at nearby Baltimore Memorial Stadium.
The character Isuro Tanaka was something of an anomaly of that time. At the time of the film’s release, there were no Japanese players in the Major Leagues, and only one Japanese player had ever played (briefly) for a ML team. The influx of Japanese players in US Major League baseball didn’t begin until a few years after the film’s release.
Wesley Snipes wasn’t able to reprise his role of Willie Mays Hayes, and was replaced with Omar Epps
Kevin Hickey, who plays Indians pitcher Schoup, made his major debut in 1981 as a pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, the very team the fictional pitcher Schoup plays against in the film.
There is always the tenuous tightrope we walk as we pursue four appropriate BMT Lives in a year. We want bad movies that are clear BMT qualifiers (like Madame Web). But we also don’t want them to be so bad that they aren’t fun. We want fun bad movies (like Madame Web). But they also have to be big and bold. They gotta have stars (like Madame Web). They also gotta say something about film and where it’s going. It’s gotta have some cultural cache that we can really chew on (like Madame Web). And you gotta be able to meme it… well maybe that’s a soft requirement. But maybe being able to think fondly about the crazy sunglasses one character wears at the end of the film is a positive… theoretically of course (like Madame Web). Anyway, I’m hoping Borderlands fits the bill and isn’t another Keeping up with the Joneses (the what?) Exactly.
To recap, Lilith is recruited The Expendables style to find and return Atlas’ daughter Tina on the planet Pandora. Pandora is not only the planet where it’s been long rumored that a “Vault” exists that contains immense power (attracting hunters from all over), but is also Lilith’s home. Anyway she arrives on the planet and yada yada yada she finds a robot Claptrap programmed to follower her, Tiny Tina hiding out, and a couple other misfits, Krieg and Roland, who have decided to keep Tina safe and specifically away from Atlas (this is literally yada yada yada’d in the film, so don’t worry about it). Turns out she was genetically modified to be able to find the Vault and Atlas just wants her so that he can use her to find it. Thus begins the hunt. They find the woman who raised Lilith after her mother died, Dr. Tannis, and with her help they locate the keys needed to direct them to the vault. This involves a big ol’ battle through some maniacs and teleportation and similar very exciting things. At this point Lilith decides not to give Tina back to Atlas, but there is a classic misunderstanding and Tina and the rest go off without Lilith for the vault. Ultimately they find the vault, but it turns out that it was Lilith the whole time who was the key (what a twist!). A big battle ensues and Atlas demands that Lilith open the vault for him or he will kill Tina. She obeys, but using her vault powers as the Firehawk (ooo) they trap him in the vault. Now in her true form as the hero of Pandora, Lilith and her new family celebrate with the citizens of the plant. THE END.
You could separate this film into two pieces. The first half is basically junk they needed so that they didn’t start with a fifteen minute text crawl or voice over. It’s cobbled together from reshoots and montages. Me and Patrick looked at each other in disbelief at what we were witnessing because we had paid for a movie. What we were seeing resembled a wikipedia synopsis page more than a movie. The second half at least was a movie. A very predictable one, but something where a robot said jokes, crazy action sequences were shown, and a MacGuffin was pursued. So you have a complete zero for maybe ⅓ of a film and then a 4 for the other ⅔, which comes out to 8/3. That’s my rating. Anyway, I think the only other thing I want to specifically mention is I liked Jack Black’s robot character. He was funny (as opposed to Kevin Hart for some reason) and Cate Blanchett came off fine, but Jamie Lee Curtis was terrible in this. I can already feel this erasing from my brain.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I think Lilith and Roland are going to make it in the long haul, everyone. What’s that? Roland and Lilith didn’t smooch at the end of the film? I just imagined it? Whaaaaaaaa? I mean, didn’t anyone else notice the sparks flying between Cate Blanchett and Kevin Hart? I was having flashbacks to watching Fifty Shades Darker in the theaters. Hooooo weeeeee. Hot Take Temperature: Firehawk.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! *gif of me looking confused as a clip from earlier in the film is edited into a scene later in the film in a non-sensical manner* Let’s go!
The good? I mean, if you are looking for dumb fun the movie is something that is entertaining on, for example, an airplane. There are almost no stakes, everything is supremely predictable, and there is the perfect audience approved ratio of action to exposition.
The bad? Everything else. The beginning is almost completely incomprehensible. There is some stuff when Blanchett first arrives on Pandora which is very very clearly reshoots, specifically a strange voiceover sequence. In the sequence you see her talking to some Mad Max-esque children and I was like “what the hell is happening here”. Then twenty minutes later Blanchet frees a bunch of Mad Max-esque kids from a truck and they run off and it is like … oh, I see, they shot a whole bunch of stuff which really really didn’t work, and so they cut it all into a montage to just get Blanchet from her arrival on Pandora to the point where she meets Jack Black-bot. But they had to have an explanation for her getting the truck later on, so that was left in even though it is incredibly obvious bits of it was wildly out of order at that point.
I guess I’m saying you can see the seams of this movie. People are barely acting on the same stage. Apparently Jack Black did the voiceover for the robot like years ago. The reshoots were assuredly done with only Blanchet involved. If you power through that first thirty minutes though the end is kind of dumb fun with a few fun action set pieces.
The film though … I can’t see it as anything but lazy, and that is almost never fun. You need to be earnestly thinking you are making a good movie. Unfortunately the actors and director all probably knew the whole thing was a mess from the beginning and so nothing ends up being fun. It is mostly just sad and tragic.
If you want a highlight as to why AI analysis of movie data is somewhat amusing in the abstract, here is the quite unexpected interaction I had about the Borderlands poster. I asked it a simple question: how many characters from the Borderlands movie are featured on the poster. I fully expected it to either say 5 (because the robot doesn’t really look like a character in the poster, another character is sitting on it), or 6 (because there are six names at the top). But instead it said seven. The interaction went like this: “Name the 7 characters” Proceeds to name the six characters. “That’s only six” Oh sorry, there are seven names at the top of the poster. “There are only six names at the top of the poster” Oh sorry, it’s because there are seven characters in the image. “Who is the seventh?” A character called King who is in the video games and I don’t know if he’s in the movie, but he might be … The most normal of all AI interactions.
Anyways, Setting as a Character (Where?) for the alien planet of Pandora. Huuuuuuuge MacGuffin (Why?) for The Vault which contains something completely unknown but definitely awesome that everyone wants for sure. And Worst Twist (How?) for the realization that, shocker, it was Cate Blanchet all along who was the super secret key to everything. This movie was almost unwatchable, bland, and dumb looking, I think it is Bad.
Learn all about video games probably in the Quiz. Cheerios,
I genuinely have to wonder … what can I learn from the experience or watching Borderlands? Maybe something about video games? Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The eeeeeevil corporation in Borderlands is called Atlas. Atlas was a Titan who fought against the Gods of Olympus and was condemned to hold up the sky//Earth/whatever. What was the Titan v. God battle officially called in mythology?
2) Absolutely classic movie song in this one with Ace of Spades. Who sang Ace of Spades?
3) A new Borderlands game is actually coming up this year (2025), which is crazy. But … what number game is that? We are talking about the main series only.
4) Cate Blanchet has been nominated five separate times for Best Actress. Screw it, name all of the films.
5) Kevin Hart’s character’s name is Roland. We’ve seen a character named Roland in the Stephen King adaptation, The Dark Tower. Rowland of the Dark Tower though was originally coined in what Shakespeare play?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Obviously this film couldn’t have been on television in the 90s. Cate Blanchett even is barely in any films which could have played then. One of the two films though was Oscar and Lucinda which debuted on January 8th, 1999, going up against this BMT classic:
Bad Movie Twins 