cycle: Fool’s Gold – Page 3

Taken 2 Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the creaky stairs leading to the basement of the jail. It had been three months since they were convicted of Decapitation and Accessory to Decapitation and Jamie and Patrick were still rueing that unlucky gust of wind that resulted in the accidental removal of the unfortunate head. However, they also had to admit that perhaps something good would come out of their stint in the clink after all… friendship. They met Kyle when all three of them volunteered for dishwashing duty and soon they were known around the prison as The Triple Threats. Sure, Kyle had what appeared to be an unhealthy obsession with mannequins, but other than that they had come to trust him with their lives. So when they were offered the opportunity to clean out the prison basement in exchange for some extra spoons they jumped at the chance. Nothing could go wrong when the Triple Threats were together! But now facing the darkened stairway they wondered why it was that the room seemed to get ten degrees colder when the job was announced? Or why their arch rivals, The Three Amigos, didn’t fight them for the opportunity to get the precious spoons? Soon after they began to hear whispers about the Big BM and now they wondered whether those whispers were going to come back and haunt them. “I’m sure it’s fine,” Patrick says, taking a step down the stairs. “Yeah,” Jamie says, joining him on the top step. But before Kyle can make a crowd, a horrific bat-rat monster leaps from the darkness and drags them both into the basement. “Oh no!” Kyle yells in horror. “They’ve both been taken by the Big Basement Monster. Not just Jamie was taken! Patrick was taken, too!” That’s right! We are watching the sequel to the smash hit and franchise starter, Taken. The real prize at the end of all this is Taken 3, but you gotta start somewhere and not every week can be a backbreaking bonus week. So just Taken 2 on our plate… for now. Let’s go!

Taken 2 (2012) – BMeTric: 27.9; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 21.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Piranha 3DD, The Devil Inside, LOL, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, Paranormal Activity 4, The Apparition, Smiley, ATM, Chernobyl Diaries, The Cold Light of Day, The ABCs of Death, Dark Tide, So Undercover, Red Dawn, Soldiers of Fortune, Alex Cross, Lay the Favorite, 2016: Obama’s America, About Cherry, One for the Money, and 34 more; Higher Notability: Battleship, Dark Shadows, Ice Age: Continental Drift, This Means War, Total Recall, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Wrath of the Titans, Red Dawn, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The ABCs of Death, Escape from Planet Earth, Underworld: Awakening, That’s My Boy, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, The Guilt Trip, The Watch, A Thousand Words, Man on a Ledge, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, The Vow, and 21 more; Lower RT: A Thousand Words, Dark Tide, One for the Money, The Apparition, The Cold Light of Day, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, Playing for Keeps, The Devil Inside, So Undercover, Fire with Fire, The Babymakers, Alex Cross, Piranha 3DD, House at the End of the Street, Gone, ATM, Meeting Evil, LOL, About Cherry, Soldiers of Fortune, and 13 more; Notes: We are at about half as far as the top RT films. We’ve seen a good number of everything, but this was the era where there was just too many bad movies! How will we ever watch all these bad movies?! More than 50 films have a BMeTric over 25, that’s insane!

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Taken 2” is slick, professional action, directed by Olivier Megaton. Let that name roll off your tongue (Olivier, not Oliver). It was produced and co-written by Luc Besson, the French master of thrillers, and Robert Mark Kamen, his writing partner on many films. The first “Taken” was made for $22 million and grossed 10 times that much, establishing Liam Neeson as an action star after a career spent in heavyweight roles. The cast is uniformly capable and dead serious, and if you’re buying what Luc Besson is selling, he’s not short-changing you.

(Wow, I do love when they just kind of like it? I can totally believe someone is picking up what this film is putting down. But even the first film was dumb, so it also isn’t surprising when people expected it to go even bigger and getting served mostly the same thing wasn’t doing it for them.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otHUjWVgIig/

(I kind of love that there is no explanation that he and his ex-wife are semi-back together in the film. The trailer looks dumb in that it does Taken Too and also then seems to not be Taken and instead is just a generic action movie in the end.)

Directors – Olivier Megaton – ( Known For: The Last Days of American Crime; The Red Siren; Exit; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; Anna; BMT: Taken 2; Notes: He hasn’t done anything major in America since the third Taken film. French which makes sense.)

Writers – Luc Besson – ( Known For: Léon: The Professional; Taken; Lucy; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; Transporter 2; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Unleashed; Revolver; Taxi; La Femme Nikita; District B13; Kiss of the Dragon; Taxi 2; The Big Blue; District 13: Ultimatum; Taxi 3; Wasabi; Bandidas; Angel-A; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; The Family; From Paris with Love; Colombiana; Lockout; 3 Days to Kill; Anna; The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc; The Transporter Refueled; Arthur and the Invisibles; BMT: Taken 2; Taxi; Brick Mansions; Notes: Oh, he actually does seem to have a story credit. And he did Lockout too?! He really liked Maggie Grace.)

Robert Mark Kamen – ( Known For: Taken; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; The Karate Kid; Transporter 2; The Karate Kid; Lethal Weapon 2; Lethal Weapon 3; The Karate Kid Part II; Kiss of the Dragon; Bandidas; A Walk in the Clouds; Taps; The Power of One; Enter the Warriors Gate; Split Image; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; The Karate Kid Part III; The Transporter Refueled; The Next Karate Kid; Gladiator; BMT: Taken 2; Angel Has Fallen; Brick Mansions; Notes: Has credits on the Taken television series and the Karate Kid television series naturally.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Schindler’s List; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; Love Actually; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Gangs of New York; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; The Lego Movie; Non-Stop; Unknown; The A-Team; The Grey; Ted 2; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; The Next Three Days; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; A Walk Among the Tombstones; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Entourage; Daddy’s Home 2; The Marksman; Krull; The Nut Job; Marlowe; High Spirits; Before and After; BMT: Taken 2; Clash of the Titans; Battleship; Wrath of the Titans; Men in Black: International; The Haunting; Memory; Blacklight; Retribution; Notes: The Neeson! His first film this year was good. BOO! I don’t think we’ll have another one this year, but he has seven films in pre-production so hopefully we’ll see a few in the coming years.)

Famke Janssen – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; Taken; X2; X-Men: The Last Stand; The Wolverine; GoldenEye; Rounders; The Faculty; The Wackness; The Vault; Celebrity; Once Upon a Time in Venice; Made; Lord of Illusions; The Ten; The Postcard Killings; 100 Feet; Knights of the Zodiac; The Gingerbread Man; Future BMT: Taken 3; Hide and Seek; House on Haunted Hill; Don’t Say a Word; Deep Rising; Redeeming Love; BMT: Taken 2; Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters; I Spy; Notes: Born in The Netherlands, and is probably most famous for X-Men.)

Maggie Grace – ( Known For: Taken; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Knight and Day; Faster; The Experiment; The Jane Austen Book Club; Aftermath; The Hurricane Heist; About Alex; Suburban Girl; We’ll Never Have Paris; Malice in Wonderland; Decoding Annie Parker; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Supercon; Unity; The Scent of Rain & Lightning; Creature Unknown; Flying Lessons; Showing Roots; Future BMT: Taken 3; Lockout; BMT: Taken 2; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; The Choice; The Fog; Notes: She is definitely most famous for Lost where she was honestly one of the worst bits of the show for the parts she was in. She’s in Fear the Walking Dead.)

Budget/Gross – $45,000,000 / Domestic: $139,854,287 (Worldwide: $376,152,455)

(That is quite good and it is definitely no wonder a third was made. I wonder how poorly that did to get the series canceled.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (38/173): Taken 2 is largely bereft of the kinetic thrills — and surprises — that made the original a hit.

(Yeah sounds right. I think the original was just a unique experience and very titillating in its own way … and this was just a reheated version of that.)

Reviewer Highlight: Seems like a nonstop car and foot chase, with Albanian after Albanian falling victim to Bryan’s remarkable aim and hand-fighting skills. – Neil Genzlinger, New York Times

Poster – Taken 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I like the style of this even if it feels a little dated in today’s world. There is a grittiness to this that feels very of the time. But I like how they worked with the image of Neeson and the pop of red in the slightly dirtied Taken 2 font. It’s good. A.)

Tagline(s) – First they took his daughter. Now they’re coming for him. (B+)

(Sure. I mean it works. Wish they could have gotten there a little quicker and it’s not exactly the most creative thing in the world. But it does the trick.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013)…

Best Options (Action): 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 65.9 The Cold Light of Day (2012), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.6 G-Force (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 Legion (2010), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.9 Land of the Lost (2009), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 52.1 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 51.6 The Spy Next Door (2010), 50.8 Your Highness (2011), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 50.3 The Last Legion (2007), …

(Well out of the best options, but screw it. WE LOVE FRANCHISES!! I think Legion could have been insane though. Looking forward to that.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Taken 2 and No. 1 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The movie was shot as an R-rated film, but it was later edited down to a PG-13 for its theatrical release, just like its predecessor, and its sequel.

Although this movie mostly involves Albanian mafia and thugs, there is only one member of the cast who actually is Albanian.

In the final bathhouse fight scene, Bryan aims a Steyr M9A1 at an unarmed Suko, but Suko pushes his palm into the muzzle of the gun pushing the slide slightly, but noticeably back. Due to the browning tilting barrel of the Steyr M9A1, this action misaligned the firing pin with the primer of the chambered round, making it unable to fire until realigned. This is a very real world scenario.

The movie was filmed mostly in Istanbul, Turkey, and the production team faced some challenges during filming. One of the most notable challenges was when a stunt driver crashed a car into a storefront during a chase scene, causing real damage to the store. The production team had to negotiate with the store owner to continue filming in the area.

When production was announced, it was not immediately clear if Liam Neeson would return for the lead role. Mickey Rourke was considered as a replacement, before Neeson confirmed his return.

Dumb and Dumber To Recap

Jamie

It’s wild that I didn’t end up seeing Dumb and Dumber To in theaters. Not just because we saw the prequel in theaters, but because there was a stretch pre-Anchorman and pre-Wet Hot American Summer where it’s a reasonable possibility that I would have said the original film was my favorite comedy of all time. Amazingly this didn’t play into seeing the prequel at all (we obviously knew that was a tragic mistake and we were just seeing it for a goof… right?). Then all those many years later it felt like the original had shrunk so far in my imagination that it never even crossed my mind to see the sequel when it came out. To be honest (and this is shameful)… I’m not sure I knew it even qualified for BMT. What a twist! You know what? I blame the name. That’s on you, Dumb and Dumber To.

To recap, Harry and Lloyd are back, Jack! Many years after the events of the first film we find Harry taking care of Lloyd who has lapsed into a fugue state for decades. This turns out to be a prank and Lloyd and Harry proceed home where Harry informs him that he needs a kidney transplant. They head over to his parent’s house to see if they can help, but they are an old Asian couple that adopted Harry, so they can’t help. Fortunately Harry has a letter from Fraida Feltcher who informs him that he fathered a child with her and that child might now have an extra kidney for him. Fanny, who was given up for adoption, lives in Maryland where they find that she’s already on her way to El Paso to cover for her ailing father at a scientific conference. Being just as stupid as Harry and Lloyd she forgets her phone and a MacGuffin-like package she was meant to take with her. Lloyd and Harry agree to deliver it for them and take Travis, the groundskeeper (and lover of Fanny’s mother), along. Are there hijinks on the way? You better believe it. Travis, who is in cahoots with Fanny’s mother to kill her father and take his fortune, ultimately is killed by Harry and Lloyd by mistake. They end up arriving in El Paso unscathed and a bunch of incidents happen whereby Harry is mistaken for Fanny’s father and makes everyone at the conference look silly. Lloyd has fallen in love with Fanny but ends up coming to believe he is actually her father. Travis’ brother and Fanny’s mother arrive ready to kill all of them for the money. But in the end it turns out the dad was onto them the whole time and all the bad guys are captured. Lloyd apologizes to Harry for fathering Fanny, but Harry reveals the kidney thing was also a prank. Fraida then reveals that neither are the father but instead it was a friend of theirs that we never met… so… I guess that’s it. THE END.

This recap is a perfect encapsulation of the film. It starts out with some funny little scenes and a simple set up but eventually gets bogged down with too much plot. I also found Lloyd to be nearly insufferable in this film. He’s not just mean, but quite racist and misogynistic. Ultimately I know that this is part of them being super stupid (and thus on some level a commentary on that type of thinking), but they are still ostensibly the heroes of our story. By the end, as this type of humor piled up, it felt more like Me, Myself and Irene… kind of crossed into a level of crassness that I didn’t so much like. I wonder in cases like this whether there is some provocation being tried in the humor to test whether there is going to be an outcry. Almost like the Farrelly brothers wanted people to object so they could be like “see, you can’t make them like you used to.” But I watched the original Dumb and Dumber in preparation and it’s nothing like this… not nearly as mean-spirited. So I’m not sure why it is that the humor feels so much different. Ultimately, it had its moments, but left a bad taste in my mouth.

Hot Take Clam Bake! They die at the end. The bad guys show up with a gun and shoot them and what we see as the end of the film is the last moments before they die where Lloyd imagines Harry’s kidney disease is a prank and that the girl isn’t his daughter so she doesn’t have to witness his death. He imagines everything has worked out wonderfully for them and they walk off into the sunset. But think about it… they are quite stupid. Makes a whole lot more sense that they die. Hot Take Temperature: Atomic Pepper.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about making a sequel decades after the original but forgetting to make the main characters somewhat likable? Let’s go!

There is a fundamentally strange bit about this movie that involves the big twist. It goes a little like this: Harry got a postcard (he thinks) concerning a girl who he had sex with long ago who had a daughter. We are then introduced to this young woman who is, howyousay, quite dumb? Later there is some indication that nay! It isn’t Harry’s daughter, but it is instead Lloyd’s daughter! Oh, what a twist! But then in a final twist it is revealed that neither are the father, instead it was a guy they used to know who died in a motorcycle accident (for which Lloyd is partially to blame and has no empathy or regrets about).

So … was that guy also dumb? I guess he must have been. But still that seems strange to me. That the three people who could have been the father were all incredibly dumb people?

Anyways, much like the much maligned prequel there isn’t much funny here. There are some of the same charms. Them rubbing their butts and then eating stuff without realizing the stuff they are eating now smells and tastes like butt? Sure. Rolling down the street to meet Harry’s parents who are obviously his adoptive parents and it being suggested he just hasn’t been home in decades for no reason? Got it. The ultimate reveal that Harry’s whole kidney issue was a goof similar to the beginning of the film. Kind of works.

What I’m trying to say here is it does trump the prequel by actually having a few funny bits here and there. The prequel had nothing.

But as I said up top the issue is Lloyd in particular is super mean spirited. Something about it rubs one the wrong way thirty years later. Something about their age I feel like should have softened them a bit. But then we are talking about a different movie I suppose.

The B-plot also sucks in this one and is kind of oddly similar to the original for no reason. A big crime conspiracy to get rich being foiled by the two buffoons. Actually all three movies for some reason seem to hinge around these guys foiling crimes for some reason. I wonder why that is.

A good Product Placement (What?) for a giant inexplicable Coca Cola sign at one point. Again, a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island with a fun road trip element like in the original. A decent MacGuffin (Why?) which turns into a rare Fake MacGuffin by the end. And I’ve already mentioned the Worst Twist (How?) which is a not-as-rare Double Twist by the end as to the parentage of the dumb young lady. I think this is a Bad movie, it isn’t bad enough to be BMT but isn’t good enough to be Good.

Read about my sequel to my betrayal in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Recap

Jamie

When Harry me Lloyd? Don’t you mean “When Jamie and Patrick Met Bad Movies”? Now Patrick is going to spin you a yarn later about us watching this movie in theaters because we were making the big bucks at our summer jobs and no longer understood the value of time and money. Time and money were for suckers and suckers didn’t watch Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. This is a nice tale. Unfortunately it’s WRONG. Hulk and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd were indeed two theatrical films we watched in 2003, but not because we were making the big bucks. Check out the dates when those films came out: June 13th and June 17th. We were making the big bucks while school was in session? I think not. As my memory serves (correctly), these were the two movies we used our free passes to the local cinema purchased from our high school tennis team fundraiser. So yeah we weren’t considering time and money because it was free and we had the whole beautiful summer in front of us.

To recap, Lloyd, the oft-held back son of the school janitor, and Harry, the long home schooled new kid, are on a crash course… literally. Not only do we get the origin story of when Harry met Lloyd on that first day of school, but also the origin story for Lloyd’s chipped tooth. Awesome. Anyway, our two heroes are immediately wrapped up in a scheme by the criminal school principal and his lover, the lunch lady, who aim to start a special ed class to embezzle money from. Harry and Lloyd are tasked with getting the class filled and, due to the odd mixture of students they snag, plucky girl reporter Jessica starts on the scent. What else happens? Uh… some racist caricaturing. There is a treasure hunt Harry’s mom made up that they are trying to find. They go to a museum. Harry mistakenly smears chocolate all over a bathroom and Bob Sagat thinks his bathroom is covered in poop. Just a bunch of classy gags for a very classy film. Ultimately both the reporter and the class discover the plot after Lloyd snags the treasure chest full of evidence the principal keeps (thinking it’s Harry’s treasure by mistake). They decide to entrap the principal at the big TGivs parade and the reporter and everyone hails them as heroes. Ultimately, though, they don’t get the girl and instead Bob Sagat thinks they smeared a bunch of poop on his car or whatever. THE END.

Hmmmm, let’s start with a compliment. I thought the actor who portrayed Lloyd was very good. No wonder he went on to star in NCIS: Los Angeles. Not much to say outside of that. I recall liking the Bob Sagat bits when I saw this in the theater, but I think I kind of forgot the set up with the chocolate bar and stuff. All of it is quite dumb and mildly offensive. It also has that 80’s/90’s kids movie trope where the principal has to have some kind of complicated plot he’s hatching that our heroes have to foil. Why? I guess because there’s nothing else for a couple of dumb people to do. I think I would have preferred for them to go full straight-to-video 90’s and have the school taken over by terrorists or something. Anyway, there is very little to recommend in this film. The acting is tragic besides Lloyd and a totally out of place and underutilized Shia LaBeouf. The real tragedy is that this went to theaters so you can’t ignore its existence like we all do with Ace Ventura Jr.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This film does not actually take place in 1986 but rather 1992 and thus I believe that these are in fact imposters and not the Harry and Lloyd we met in Dumb and Dumber. Exhibit A is the excessive use of Vanilla Ice’s Ice Ice Baby, a song released in 1990. Now you are probably like “it’s just a song, dummy, meant to evoke the attitude of Lloyd dancing to something else.” Oh yeah, well how about Exhibit B? At one point in the film Lloyd uses the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” This phrase is attributed to Ice Cube from his 1992 album Predator. I just seriously doubt that 6 years earlier the dumbest man on the planet beat Ice Cube to the punch. Next you’ll be saying he’s a time traveler… wait a sec… HOLY SHIT! Hot Take Temperature: Vanilla Ice Cube.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about the one where you make a totally disconnected prequel but you still just play back all the best jokes from the original? Let’s go!

We ended up watching this as a bonus since it came out too early for the cycle. Time to finish the Dumb and Dumber franchise once and for all (well, until we decide to change over to the Bad Cartoon Twins I guess, there was a cartoon right?).

And fun fact, 2003. This would have been when we were making the big bucks during the summer and realizing “wait … we can just watch any movie that comes to theaters?” And we did. This and The Hulk are the two I distinctly remember from the summer of 2003. Nothing else really sticks out except I don’t think I watched X2 because I distinctly remember watching that twice on some plane ride. Given the year, I think it was likely the flight I took to London a year later?

Wait one goddamned second, Grind was 2003. Impressive, our friends who made us watch that a thousand times were on the cutting edge getting that on VHS.

Oh, this movie … but I was having so much fun reminiscing about the random movies I watched in and around 2003.

This movie is dumb and disgusting. I don’t actually really get though why the story is that Harry was cast first and they were dead set on him, and then he had to convince them to cast the guy who played Lloyd … I thought the guy playing Lloyd ultimately was way better and looked much more like the original character. Whatever.

No jokes are funny, the love interest story is dumb, and the underlying A story of a conspiracy to bilk some fund of money for special education is a waste of time.

In a way it is a perfect movie to explain why 2000-2008 was just the absolute best for bad movies. They decided to make this without input of the original creators or any of the actors at all. They made it and it got released to theaters in this form. It made $26 million. Lunacy.

Obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island which is where all Dumb and Dumber movies begin. Secret Holiday Film Alert (When?) for TGivs as there is a parade surrounding this at the end. And I’ll throw out a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that everything that happened in the movie was kind of pointless since they were already running a sting operation on the principal so he was going to be caught regardless. This movie is a BMT movie, it perfectly represents everything that is wrong with early-2000s comedies and movie making.

Read about the prequel to my own betrayal in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumber To Quiz

Oh man, years later after pretending to have a broken brain I … well, I have a broken brain. It is a bit like a massive concussion. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Dumb and Dumber To?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Harry is quite ill. What is wrong with him, and where does he go initially to solve his problem?

2) And we are off on a roadtrip again! Where does his daughter live?

3) What dastardly plan do Harry and Lloyd stumble into when they meet Penny’s adoptive father?

4) There is a mission to get a very very secret MacGuffin to a conference to save humanity! What is actually in the box?

5) The finale of the film takes place at the big conference where Penny is giving a speech. Where is the conference and what big ol twist do they reveal?

Bonus Question: Previously on the quiz: we learned how Patrick met Kevin and ended with the ominous foreshadowing of Kevin declaring he’d never betray me again! So … did he?

Answers

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Quiz

Oh man, get this. I was running down the street to try and catch the school bus when I ran directly into this other goober. Well guess what? We are best friends now! But I did suffer a huge concussion and don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We meet Harry and Llyod prior to them meeting each other. How do they meet though?

2) Meanwhile there is a consipiracy going on in the school between the lunch lady and the principal. What is their dastardly plan to steal money from the school?

3) In the original film Harry embarasses himself after getting dosed with laxatives by Lloyd. In this movie, how does he embarass himself in an annoyingly similar way?

4) When they break into the principal’s office using Lloyd’s father’s keys, what to they find which is totally going to crack the case?

5) In the finale of the film the bad guys are caught (obviously). In it there is a float that is repurposed into a float of Eugene Levy admitting all his crimes. Who was the float of originally?

Bonus Question: I’m pretty down in the dumps because I’ve had so many agents recently. While sadly eating dinner in the office I get called in by my boss. What does he want?

Answers

Dumb and Dumber To Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the stately manor that Patrick has taken them to. Patrick tells him that he had graduated from the Style Section of Love 101 and was ready to ‘Get all the feels.’ “And by feels I mean time to seal the deal with what every woman wants,” Patrick explains. Jamie nods in understanding. “A firm handshake,” he says matter of factly. “Only the firmest,” Patrick agrees. Kyle looks wistful for a moment remembering when he and Rachel shared their first firm handshake. “But what does this have to do with a ghost house (with the most house)?” Jamie asks. Patrick chuckles. “What’s a better way to strengthen those handshake muscles than busting ghosts?” He says, handing proton packs to Jamie and Kyle. “Wait a second, where’s your proton pack?” Jamie asks. Patrick slaps him on the shoulder and assures him that he’s been shaking hands with his lady since 1982. As they approach the house Jamie is just glad that Samantha had that European tour set for her new book. It sure does look spooky and he wouldn’t like her to see how scared he is. Just when he is about to declare this lesson to be the dumbest one yet, Patrick pipes up jovially. “This actually reminds me of when we all first met,” he says. “You mean in jail?” Kyle asks, his voice hitching in fear. “Oh yeah,” Jamie says, momentarily distracted from how hauntingly spooktacular the house looks, “we had to clean out the basement of the jail, remember? Now that you mention it, that was way scarier than this.” Suddenly he’s not feeling so bad. “Yeah,” Patrick says remembering, “we were all just too young and dumb to be scared.” That’s right! We are doing a double dose of “dumb” with a healthy serving of “meet” by watching the Dumb and Dumber prequel and sequel: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and Dumb and Dumber To. We saw the prequel in theaters oh so many years ago and it has always been a point of pride. This cycle seemed like the perfect time to break it out by pairing it with the sequel that is a surprising BMT qualifier. Let’s go!

Dumb and Dumber To (2014) – BMeTric: 47.8; Notability: 61

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.8%; Notability: top 2.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.0%; Higher BMeT: Left Behind, The Legend of Hercules, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, Ouija, God’s Not Dead, V/H/S Viral, Devil’s Due, The Pyramid, Tammy, A Haunted House 2, The Prince, Sex Tape, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, I, Frankenstein, Outcast, Rage, American Heist, Annabelle, Everly, Annie, and 7 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Age of Extinction, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Exodus: Gods and Kings, Dracula Untold, Transcendence; Lower RT: Left Behind, The Prince, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, Outcast, I, Frankenstein, The Legend of Hercules, Ouija, Some Kind of Beautiful, A Haunted House 2, Just Before I Go, The Forger, The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, The Cobbler, The Longest Week, The Bag Man, Seventh Son, God’s Not Dead, The Best of Me, Good People, Rage, and 47 more; Notes: We’ve seen the top four BMeT, but then it gets spotty. My god, The Pyramid. We really need to do The Pyramid at some point.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Bottom line: For every joke that works, there are five that fall flat and one that elicits waves of disgust. You might be able to handle that ratio, however, just to hear absurd discussions like this one between Penny and Lloyd. “I’ve always wanted to go to India and work in a leprechaun colony,” Penny says. Counters Lloyd, after digesting the statement: “I think you mean Ireland.”

(Not a terrible joke, although it is borderline “cadence of a joke”. Like I get the joke, but also it feels like Lloyd is almost too dumb to make the joke in a way that makes sense. Overall I agree with the sentiment though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmNddThxi4c/

(I remember seeing the beginning of this trailer and being like NOPE. Such a dumb joke. I would rather they suggested they just had silly adventures for 25 years or whatever. Some of the others are decent, although all the good jokes are probably in this trailer.)

Directors – Bobby Farrelly – ( Known For: There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Kingpin; Stuck on You; Fever Pitch; Osmosis Jones; The Three Stooges; Champions; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Notes: They have kind of struck out on their own recently. He directed Champions without Peter for example.)

Peter Farrelly – ( Known For: Green Book; Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Kingpin; Stuck on You; Fever Pitch; Osmosis Jones; The Three Stooges; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Ricky Stanicky; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Movie 43; Notes: Ricky flipping Stanicky. That one was Peter on his own as well. He also won two Oscars for Green Book.)

Writers – Sean Anders and John Morris – ( Known For: We’re the Millers; Hot Tub Time Machine; She’s Out of My League; Instant Family; Mr. Popper’s Penguins; Sex Drive; Spirited; Never Been Thawed; Future BMT: Horrible Bosses 2; Daddy’s Home 2; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Notes: They’ve had an amusing string of bad sequels. No upcoming which is odd, last film was Spirited.)

Peter Farrelly – ( Known For: Green Book; Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Stuck on You; The Three Stooges; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Ricky Stanicky; Outside Providence; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Yeah won the Oscar for Green Book. A lot of their films are set in Providence or sometimes a place that could be confused for Martha’s Vineyard where they also own houses.)

Bobby Farrelly – ( Known For: Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Stuck on You; The Three Stooges; Outside Providence; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; Bushwhacked; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Huh, he wrote Bushwacked under a pseudonym it would seem, as Danny Byers. Strange.)

Bennett Yellin – ( Known For: Dumb and Dumber; In the Blood; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Writing the forever-in-production remake/sequel/requel (?) of Police Academy.)

Mike Cerrone – ( Known For: Me, Myself & Irene; The Three Stooges; Ricky Stanicky; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Notes: Seems to be a friend of the Farrellys as he gets punch up credit on a few of their films and bit parts as well.)

Actors – Jim Carrey – ( Known For: The Truman Show; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Bruce Almighty; The Mask; Dumb and Dumber; Yes Man; Liar Liar; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Me, Myself & Irene; A Series of Unfortunate Events; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; The Cable Guy; Sonic the Hedgehog; Horton Hears a Who!; Man on the Moon; A Christmas Carol; Mr. Popper’s Penguins; I Love You Phillip Morris; Sonic the Hedgehog 2; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Fun with Dick and Jane; The Incredible Burt Wonderstone; Pink Cadillac; BMT: Batman Forever; Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; The Number 23; Dumb and Dumber To; Once Bitten; Notes: I remember looking at this ages ago, but he’s never not been famous since he broke bit with his golden year with The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, and Ace Ventura. It seems like he’s faded on occasion, but if you look he never really has, he just changes audience focus. Nominated for an Emmy for Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond.)

Jeff Daniels – ( Known For: The Martian; Looper; Dumb and Dumber; Speed; Steve Jobs; State of Play; The Hours; Pleasantville; Good Night, and Good Luck.; The Squid and the Whale; Arachnophobia; Terms of Endearment; The Lookout; Traitor; Away We Go; The Purple Rose of Cairo; Blood Work; Radio Days; Gettysburg; Fly Away Home; Future BMT: Allegiant; 101 Dalmatians; RV; My Favorite Martian; Space Chimps; The Butcher’s Wife; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Gods and Generals; Notes: Won two Emmys for The Newsroom and Godless. Was nominated for three more. I find it crazy he’s never been nominated for an Oscar for things like The Purple Rose of Cairo.)

Rob Riggle – ( Known For: The Hangover; 21 Jump Street; 22 Jump Street; Step Brothers; The Other Guys; Hotel Transylvania; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; Hotel Transylvania 2; The Lorax; 12 Strong; Going the Distance; Absolutely Anything; Strays; True Memoirs of an International Assassin; Big Miracle; Just Before I Go; Super High Me; The Curse of Bridge Hollow; Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life; Dead Rising: Watchtower; Future BMT: The Internship; Let’s Be Cops; Larry Crowne; Night School; The War with Grandpa; The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard; How to Be a Latin Lover; UglyDolls; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Killers; Midnight Sun; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2; Furry Vengeance; Unaccompanied Minors; Notes: The classic story: a soldier turned comedian who now is a pretty standard punch up guy when they need someone to be funny randomly in a film. Nominated for an Emmy for voice over in Prep & Landing: Naughty vs. Nice.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $86,208,010 (Worldwide: $169,837,010)

(That actually is pretty good. I’m constantly surprised more comedies aren’t still making it to theaters. You can clearly make them on a budget with experienced comedy filmmakers.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (46/153): Dumb and Dumber To does have its moments, but not enough of them — and the Farrelly brothers’ brand of humor is nowhere near as refreshingly transgressive as it once seemed.

(Yeah I think that is constantly the problem with films like this. The humor has evolved but it is almost never enough to make sense in making a good sequel.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Farrellys are still not much interested in film as a visual medium, and when Lloyd and Harry aren’t smacking each other or dropping their pants, you might as well be listening to a radio play. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Sklog and Skloger Sklog

(It is an iconic image and even the silly 90’s font is iconic. I think some people cringed at the title, but it’s totally in keeping with the first film. Anyway, it’s fine. B-.)

Tagline(s) – The average person uses 10% of their brain capacity. Imagine what he could do with 1%. (D)

(Lol, what?)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Comedy): 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.1 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.5 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.1 An American Carol (2008), 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.6 Tooth Fairy (2010), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.1 Space Chimps (2008), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.9 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.8 Meet Dave (2008), 60.7 College (2008), 60.0 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 60.0 Witless Protection (2008), 60.0 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), …

(It is there, but obviously lower than the absurd options we still have available. My god. There are so many bad movies that to speed things up I only scraped data on the bad ones … there were like 100 qualifying movies one year, it was an insane time. Anyways. Out of all the movies I can already tell most are going to be no fun nonsense, but someday we’ll watch Meet Dave and Holy Man and stuff and finish off Eddie Murphy’s catalog.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jim Carrey is No. 1 billed in Dumb and Dumber To and No. 1 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – No CGI was used for the full body paint on Rob Riggle to blend in with the hotel hallway. It took six hours to paint him and blend in accurately with the vending machine.

The Farrelly Brothers couldn’t get in touch with Brady Bluhm to reprise his role as Billy. They eventually found him through Facebook and were able to get him for the sequel. Due to regulations, Bluhm had to audition for the Farrellys.

Jim Carrey nearly dropped out of the sequel because he felt that the project’s original producers, Warner Bros., weren’t enthusiastic about the film. Carrey eventually decided to rejoin the project, although Warner Bros. dropped the project, which was then taken up by Red Granite Pictures and Universal Studios.

This marks the first film since Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) where Jim Carrey reprises his character from a previous film.

Numerous posters and official pieces of artwork depict Harry and Lloyd in the “dog van” from the original Dumb and Dumber (1994). However, in the actual movie, they are in it for less than one minute of screen time.

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Preview

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003) – BMeTric: 88.8; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 22.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.2%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, … Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Brother Bear, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Scary Movie 3, The Haunted Mansion, The Cat in the Hat, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Tears of the Sun, The Core, Agent Cody Banks, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Cradle 2 the Grave, Duplex, Paycheck, Beyond Borders, Wonderland, and 36 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls; Notes: Jesus, that is one high BMeT. And the best bit is that there are apparently three others that beat it? We still haven’t seen House of the Dead, although it was at one point on the docket for 2003 as horror for the next cycle. I think we nixed it ultimately, so it’ll have to wait still.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Desperate prequel to the 1994 comedy hit shows the two oafish friends meeting up in high school and becoming pawns in their slimy principal’s scheme to get funding for a special education class – and abscond with the funds. The actors playing younger versions of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels do a good job, but this movie is appallingly unfunny; a particular waste of Levy and Oteri’s comedy talents.

(He really can’t help himself, he needs to add in that semicolon. This is probably the first BOMB in quite a while. He doesn’t throw them out willy nilly.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdjX8Voj5vI/

(Wow, remember when trailers would make fun of other movies like Lord of the Rings. Kind of weird that Richardson was hired first because I think he looks much worse as a young Harry as Olsen does as Lloyd.)

Directors – Troy Miller – ( Known For: Run Ronnie Run; Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a Story; Future BMT: Jack Frost; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys for things like editing a movie for the Emmys, but also for Flight of the Conchords. He’s directed a ton of random television like Arrested Development and Brooklyn Nine-nine.)

Writers – Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly – ( Known For: Green Book; Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Stuck on You; The Three Stooges; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Ricky Stanicky; Outside Providence; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Obviously just got a credit for the characters.)

Bennett Yellin – ( Known For: Dumb and Dumber; In the Blood; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Also just characters, but looking through his filmography reminds me that there is a Dumb and Dumber cartoon … should I watch that?)

Robert Brener – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Was also an executive producer on the movie.)

Troy Miller – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Pretty much his only actual screenplay credit. What a bizarre movie. I think both of these guys only wrote this and nothing else in their careers.)

Actors – Derek Richardson – ( Known For: Hostel; Hostel: Part II; Reeker; The Power of Few; Home; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Is married to Franka Potente from The Bourne Identity. Was the original actor cast in the film.)

Eric Christian Olsen – ( Known For: Cellular; Sunshine Cleaning; Beerfest; Battle of the Sexes; The Last Kiss; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Band of Robbers; The Six Wives of Henry Lefay; Sun Dogs; Local Boys; The Relationtrip; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; The Thing; Not Another Teen Movie; The Hot Chick; The Back-up Plan; Fired Up!; The Comebacks; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; License to Wed; Notes: Has been in over 300 episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles.)

Eugene Levy – ( Known For: American Pie; Finding Dory; American Pie 2; American Reunion; American Wedding; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Over the Hedge; Serendipity; Vacation; Goon; Father of the Bride; Splash; Best in Show; Father of the Bride Part II; Astro Boy; Heavy Metal; Multiplicity; Waiting for Guffman; Taking Woodstock; A Mighty Wind; Future BMT: The Man; Down to Earth; Holy Man; Almost Heroes; The Ladies Man; Armed and Dangerous; I Love Trouble; Madea’s Witness Protection; Club Paradise; Once Upon a Crime…; Speed Zone; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Bringing Down the House; New York Minute; Notes: Famously on SCTV and was nominated for 13 Emmys, 9 for SCTV (won two) and 4 for Schitt’s Creek (won two).)

Budget/Gross – $19,000,000 / Domestic: $26,276,465 (Worldwide: $39,267,515)

(like … close, but yeah, probably pretty bad. But I should say, we gave them like $10 I’m sure. I distinctly remember seeing this in theaters. What a wild life I’ve led.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (12/119): This lame prequel induces more groans than laughs. Rent the original instead.

(Man, just a shade over 10% here. That seems like a crime. How does this have any good reviews?)

Reviewer Highlight: While Dumb and Dumber possessed a bracing, genuine vulgarity, this new film is more often merely disgusting as it piles up jokes involving various bodily discharges and the unpleasant things that can be done with them. – David Kehr, New York Times

Poster – Sklog and Sklogerer: When Jamie Met Patrick

(I distinctly remember this poster from when it came out. It is terrible. You could fire this off in powerpoint in an afternoon. D.)

Tagline(s) – The evolution of dumb… (B-)

(I’m OK with this. I just have one question. Is this actually supposed to be a play on ‘The evolution of man’ but with ‘dumb’ replacing ‘man’? I assume so, but I can’t tell if that is a good or bad thing.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), …

(What a bonus. Out of all the ones we’ve done (and it is way more than just those listed) probably In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is the craziest. Although part of me wants to say Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li is probably the biggest bang for your buck.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Mimi Rogers is No. 3 billed in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and No. 4 billed in Lost in Space, which also stars Heather Graham (No. 7 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 4) + (7 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 19. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Early on, South Park (1997) creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone were lined up to write the prequel for $1.5 million. They later decided to not work on the project and returned all of the money to New Line.

Due to events that retroactively occur/are stated in Dumb and Dumber To (2014), When Harry Met Lloyd is no longer canon.

The truck that pulls in front of Jessica as she is chasing the short school bus is hauling “Turbo Lax”, the same laxative Lloyd gives Harry in the original Dumb and Dumber (1994).

Lin Shaye was the only cast member to star in both the original Dumb and Dumber (1994) and the prequel.

Eric Christian Olsen was repeatedly denied the role of Lloyd because the producers thought he was “too good-looking”. It was only after seeing some home-video footage of Eric in full make-up improvising a scene with already-cast Derek Richardson that they gave him the role.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Robert Brener, Troy Miller)

Poltergeist (2015) Recap

Jamie

Oh hi, there. It’s me, Franchise Man. You may remember me best from when I demanded that they make another Mummy movie starring Tom Cruise. I’m here to tell you about something very important to me. In an age where franchise technology has innovated to create all manner of franchise extension I believe we’ve lost sight of franchise’s greatest weapon: the remake. Why must we constrain ourselves with previously created lore? Why must we always consider the fans of the franchise and how they feel? What about how I feel? I feel like creating something almost exactly the same as the original… is that so wrong? And maybe I’ll add some jump scares… or something… I don’t know. All I know is that I should be able to look to the past and then produce a ghostly specter of the film that people loved. Something so ghastly that it will haunt the fans for decades to come. Is that not horrific? Is that not terrifying? Am I not Franchise Man?

To recap, Eric and Amy (and their three kids, Madison, Griffin, and Kendra) are moving on down. Eric has lost his job and is holding out for something perfect. Meanwhile he’s battling the scariest thing of all… credit card debt. Aaahhhhhhhhh. Why are you spending all that money, Eric? Time to tighten that belt! You have three kids rapidly approaching college age! Spoooookkkyyyy. When they move into the new house they find it spooktakular. This is put into stark relief when the parents go out to a dinner party and come home to find the two older children actively being attacked by their greatest fears (old people and trees, I guess) and the youngest, Madison, sucked into some poltergeist realm. Turns out she’s got the Shine (but not really, we don’t want to get sued). The family begins to fall apart and they look anywhere for help. This includes a professor of the paranormal and a host of a paranormal TV show. These jokesters come in and start doing all their stuff. They pretty quickly realize that they are in fact afraid of these ghosts and busting feels better in theory than in practice. They end up finding a path out of the poltergeist realm, but how are they going to help Madison find the path? Oh I know! A drone! But what if that drone crashes. Oh I know! Griffin will overcome his fears and go after Madison himself. He is able to rescue Madison and then it’s a mad scramble to get out of the house before it is sucked into Poltergeist World. Ultimately the TV host sacrifices himself to help them escape… or maybe not. It’s hard to tell. THE END.

I started this film and I was ready to be like “a bold take on Poltergeist, I like it! Franchise Man!” But I was quickly disabused of that notion. Sure we get a little taste of what they were going for. The family is all afraid. The dad is afraid he won’t be able to provide. The mom that she isn’t a good enough writer. The son of… everything. The oldest daughter is addicted to her phone (afraid of the world?). As a result the youngest daughter is left alone. So alone that her only solace is the spirit world that she can communicate with. Great start, guys. From there it is chaos only a Franchise Man could love. The ending it so bad that it’s probably only saved from being on some “worst endings of all time” lists because no one saw this movie or remembers it exists. Sigh. I wanted to like you Poltergeist.

Hot Take Clam Bake! Um… you ever think that maybe it’s the family that’s in Poltergeist World and the daughter is in the real world. Wooooaaahhhh. Credit card debt up the wazoo. No job prospects. Squirrels in the attic. Uh… clowns… also in the attic. I mean, sounds like the whole family is dealing with a horrorshow, doesn’t it? Maybe the real world looks like a ghost realm of terror to those living through the real terror of this family’s life. Have I hooked you yet? Good, then buckle up for my new movie I’m directing: Credit Card Debt: The Movie. Rated NC-17. Hot Take Temperature: Jared Harris.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Poltergeist … again?! Let’s go!

I don’t really begrudge an attempt to redo a movie. They are redoing The Running Man soon. I just watched the first Running Man. It was kind of fun … kind of weird too and not at all like the book, so there is room for some improvement. Want to try and reboot Nightmare on Elm Street? Hey why not? Could be a lot of stuff to mine out of “an evil guy is so evil he can kill you in your dreams” idea without having to deal with the truly demented amount of lore.

Poltergeist was a really fun and interesting movie with some pretty cool 80s horror moments. But nothing so great that it can’t be tried again, and the sequels are really terrible and so being able to extend stuff works and could be fun!

This movie is pointless though. It didn’t try and take any of the cool stuff from the original, the actors top to bottom are less fun than in the original, and the idea is even lamer couched in nonsensical connections to the 2008 financial crisis (kind of).

Cool stuff from the original: the suggestion that really the ghosts just needed a way to go home. Some of the practical effects, and the psychic.

Stuff that is much lamer in the reboot: the suggestions that the ghosts are just like evil and want to steal the young girl for some reason, the much lamer practical effects, and the much lamer psychic who is now a History Channel hack I guess.

The movie is also not scary, and it doesn’t do a good job playing to its strength (which is punching way above its weight in getting Rockwell).

I guess where does this rank on the Poltergeist rankings? I think third. The third film is really dire and is actually just messily made. This is at least kind of harmless. The first and second are both much better though even though the second has its own problems (making everyone unlikeable and suffering from a severe case of over-explainitis).

Great Product Placement (What?) for Apple where a huge part of the film is Sam Rockwell buying a new sweet iPhone for his daughter. A pretty nice Setting as a Character (Where?) for Illinois, which is just all over license plates and stuff. And naturally a Worst Twist (How?) for reupping the same twist at the end of the original which was much better in that one as well. I think this is Bad, it is just not an interesting or inventive reboot, it’s lazy.

Read about my new rebooted sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Poltergeist (2015) Quiz

Oh man, turns out I have some spooky ghosts in my house … again. I feel like I remember this happening before. Huh … this seems really familiar. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist (2015)?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Can you call that product placement? Well, regardless where did Sam Rockwell work prior to getting laid off which resulted in a very awkward exchange with their realtor?

2) What is Sam Rockwell trying to buy when all of his credit cards are declined?

3) While away at a dinner party the house be all haunted. What happens to each of the three kids?

4) So what’s the plan then. How are they going to get Maddie back?

5) So … why is the house haunted?

Bonus Question: My house has been pretty spooky recently so I haven’t slept in twenty six nights. I’m a tad bit howyousay … insane? I startle when my home phone rings. Who is it?

Answers

Poltergeist (2015) Preview

“That was amazing,” Jamie says and then turns to everyone else. “Wasn’t that am…” he stops, looking bewildered. Apparently while he was listening to Sam’s story they were let out of jail. He looks up at a banner hanging above him that reads “The Men in Black Take London: Fashion Made Simply Complicated.” Next to that nonsense is a picture of Kyle, Jamie and Patrick posed like Charlie’s Angels in tuxedos. “What thuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Finally, the prodigal son has returned,” Patrick says from behind him. Jamie swings around to find Kyle and Patrick smirking at him. How dare they smirk like a couple Sir Smirks-a-lots at him! Outrageous! “And by prodigal son I mean your brain since you’ve been listening blankly to Sam recite that (I have to admit, quite good) book for the last 48 hours.” Sam blushes at the compliment given by one of their generation’s great American writers. “Meanwhile, Kyle here has been putting in the work,” Patrick says, patting Kyle on the back. It’s time for him to blush. “The Fashion Police weren’t such bad guys and with the help of Rachel they all agreed that it was all a misunderstanding.” Patrick elbows him in the ribs. Kyle continues, “And maybe the Fashion Police invited me to be part of their softball team and then maybe I mentioned my idea for a tuxedo that was not just hard to put on, but almost impossible.” Patrick butts in, “It’s a tuxedo that’s like an escape room, except you’re trying to escape into the tuxedo!” Patrick’s eyes are shining maniacally. “Ahem, anyway,” Patrick says, “our work here is about done.” Then gathering himself and pulling Jamie aside. “ But your work is just beginning,” he says softly, “How do you feel about ghosts?” That’s right! Busting makes us feel good, and by that I mean we like to bust up franchises that we haven’t quite finished for BMT. In this case we fairly recently watched Poltergeist II (crazy ending) and Poltergeist III (Ammmaaaazzziinnnggg) and that completed the original trilogy. But we still had one disastrous remake left. Poltergeist (2015). Let’s go!

Poltergeist (2015) – BMeTric: 68.6; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.8%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Grey, Fantastic Four, The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, The Gallows, The Boy Next Door, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, Knock Knock, The Ridiculous 6; Higher Notability: Entourage, Jupiter Ascending, Pixels, Pan, Terminator Genisys, The Divergent Series: Insurgent, Point Break, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip, Fantastic Four, Blackhat, Mortdecai, The Last Witch Hunter, Child 44, The Wedding Ringer, Fifty Shades of Grey, Unfinished Business, Little Boy, Daddy’s Home, The Ridiculous 6, Victor Frankenstein, and 10 more; Lower RT: The Ridiculous 6, Freaks of Nature, Home Sweet Hell, Extraction, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Rock the Kasbah, Survivor, Hot Pursuit, Hitman: Agent 47, Fantastic Four, Pay the Ghost, Unfinished Business, Point Break, Mortdecai, The Boy Next Door, Area 51, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Return to Sender, Sinister 2, Regression, and 43 more; Notes: Out of the Higher BMeT we’ve seen all but three. And oh man … you remember Unfinished Business? My god. It was like the Waiting For Forever of its era. Remember Waiting For Forever?

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Rarely has a remake felt more contractually obligated than the 2015 version of “Poltergeist.” There are a few decent performances, a nice riff on the technology fears that drove the original movie, and a centerpiece of horror that works, but never once do you get the feeling that the people behind this remake are here because of artistic passion or creative drive. They’re here because, well, somebody had to be here, so why not them? With remakes of “Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Friday the 13th,” “Evil Dead,” and more already on the books, “Poltergeist” is even arguably a bit late to the party. And they didn’t bring a gift.

(Sounds correct. What a wild time the early 2010s were with horror. I feel like we are in the same place today. They are trying to kick start big budget mainstream horror and something is tripping them up. Probably that real horror-heads expect things that are more extreme than what the mainstream is willing to handle. So you end up with Scream 6 or M3GAN as the big hits (i.e. borderline horror-comedy).)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD2sz9RVzfM/

(“We can’t call the cops, what are we going to tell them?” Uh, that your daughter is missing? Good to see Jared Harris though.)

Directors – Gil Kenan – ( Known For: Monster House; City of Ember; A Boy Called Christmas; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Holy shit, the director of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire … that makes a lot of sense. Nominated for an Oscar for Monster House.)

Writers – David Lindsay-Abaire – ( Known For: Oz the Great and Powerful; Rise of the Guardians; Robots; Rabbit Hole; The Family Fang; Future BMT: Inkheart; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Frankly, the fact that they seemed to have gotten kids’ film writers and directors for this film is probably all you need to know about it. Apparently did a pass on Kung Fu Panda 4.)

Steven Spielberg – ( Known For: A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Goonies; Close Encounters of the Third Kind; Poltergeist; What Lies Beneath; The Fabelmans; The Sugarland Express; Ace Eli and Rodger of the Skies; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: The rest are just the people who wrote the original including Spielberg himself. At one point he was running all of WB’s cartoon division back in the day, trying to resurrect Looney Tunes and creating Roger Rabbit.)

Michael Grais and Mark Victor – ( Known For: Poltergeist; Death Hunt; Future BMT: Marked for Death; BMT: Poltergeist; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Cool World; Notes: Cool World! They got credits on the video game which I now feel like I should play.)

Actors – Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Poltergeist; Argylle; Notes: Interesting career in that he really doesn’t seem like he is ever in bad films, and then we watch two in quick succession. Won an Oscar for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Nominated for another for Vice.)

Rosemarie DeWitt – ( Known For: La La Land; Cinderella Man; Rachel Getting Married; Kill the Messenger; The Company Men; Promised Land; The Professor; A Little Bit of Heaven; Your Sister’s Sister; Margaret; Sweet Virginia; Arizona; Digging for Fire; Nobody Walks; Afterschool; The Estate; Touchy Feely; Purple Violets; Tenure; The Great New Wonderful; Future BMT: The Watch; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Men, Women & Children; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: I don’t know why but she gives me heavy television energy, but really she’s only been in things like Unite States of Tara, but mostly does movies. It feels like she plays “mothers” a lot.)

Kennedi Clements – ( BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: She hasn’t been doing much, but probably is in school and junk.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $47,425,125 (Worldwide: $95,437,994)

(Yeah, pretty bad. Always bad when the original makes a ton more than the remake 35 years later.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (40/136): Paying competent homage without adding anything of real value to the original Poltergeist, this remake proves just as ephemeral (but half as haunting) as its titular spirit.

(Sounds correct. Although I might challenge the concept that it was competent.)

Reviewer Highlight: [A] professionally executed yet bloodless film … an act of homage that hews reverently to its source material while missing the essential spirit and vitality that once powered it. – Andrew Barker, Variety

Poster – Poo-tergeist

(Yeah, well… they all can’t be winners. I don’t like how dim this is. Also it takes the least scary part of the first film and puts it front and center. That clown was always ridiculous. C-.)

Tagline(s) – They know what scares you. (C)

(Cool. ‘They’re back’ would have sufficed. This is accurate and short. That’s what I got.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 85.5 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.0 Black Christmas (2019), 76.4 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 73.7 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.8 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.5 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.9 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.9 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Poltergeist (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Morbius (2022), After We Fell (2021), Moonfall (2022), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (2015): 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 49.5 Blackhat (2015), 42.7 Pan (2015), 39.2 Rock the Kasbah (2015), 38.9 Masterminds (2015), 38.1 90 Minutes in Heaven (2015), 35.7 Love the Coopers (2015), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 35.4 The Perfect Guy (2015), …

(Goddddddamn, Pan. We’ve seen Hot Tub Time Machine 2 actually … in theaters. Probably the worst decision we made at the time. Real dumb film and I don’t look forward to watching it again.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sam Rockwell is No. 1 billed in Poltergeist and No. 2 billed in Argylle, which also stars Henry Cavill (No. 5 billed) who is in Justice League (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 18. If we were to watch G-Force we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Rosemarie DeWitt wanted to do the film, after she experienced the engaged and lively audience reaction at the premiere of The Conjuring (2013), which she attended because it featured her husband Ron Livingston.

(at around 1h 26 mins) The bumper sticker on the Bowen vehicle during the last scene of the film says: Hooper High School. This is a direct reference to Tobe Hooper, who directed the 1982 original version.

In a Q&A, Saxon Sharbino admitted that she had never seen the original Poltergeist (1982) until filming was complete on this production.

The original cut ran for 101 minutes with 7-8 minutes of footage missing from the theatrical cut. This footage was released as a director’s cut on the DVD and Blu-ray release.

Parapsychologist/Anomalist Christopher Chacon, one of the world’s foremost authorities on “poltergeists”, was utilized by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/20th Century Fox studios as their official expert on the phenomenon to internationally publicize and promote the release of the movie.